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It had been a while since Logan and his brother had gone on a run together. The crisp winter morning was perfect for an outing like this and Logan was anxious to get out and do something different for a change. The last few weeks had been spent running on treadmills, inhaling the pungent aroma of the gym, and longing for fresh air and sunshine. He didn’t care that it was still cold, the temperature was in the single negative digits today, and he needed to run.
The door opened and closed and Cody quickly stepped down from the porch and joined him. Logan adjusted his hat and shook his hands.
“I think you’re absolutely insane for running in this weather,” Cody said, as he began walking down the sidewalk with Logan.
“If I run another step on a sticky treadmill, I’ll lose it,” he said, exasperated. “Thanks for coming by the way,” he clapped Cody on the back and his twin smiled.
“A chance to outrun you? I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Cody grinned, and Logan smiled back before they both set off at a run.
Logan had the route in mind, a mock 5k, that consisted of mostly main streets if only because the sidewalks were better maintained. They passed the bus stop and crossed the road at the intersection past it. True to what Cody said he would do, he out paced Logan, despite his complaints about the cold as they ran. They came to another intersection and as the crosswalk light turned white, the alarm sounding for them to cross, they jogged ahead of the huddled crowd.
Logan’s mind wandered as he and Cody ran, Cody just slightly ahead of him though he was the one who knew the way to go. It wasn’t the typical things that occupied his mind while he exercised, no thoughts of the Motherless, or unsolved cases, nothing related to work. Which was one of the reasons he liked to run. Instead of work he thought about flying. He thought about the weather as a result, tomorrow the winds were supposed to calm down, and it was a Saturday. Would Ms. Lane be out at the airport? He wanted to get started on his instrument rating and her Piper was up and running again. He could lease it from her since his Cub didn’t support IFR training, he didn’t have the right equipment. Her Piper had a nice new Garmin unit in it and she’d customized a beautiful hybrid cockpit with larger screens in combination with vacuum gauges. It was stunning. She’d been proud of her set up too and he didn’t blame her. Not in the slightest. He couldn’t wait to fly it and it would be nice to be the student again.
His mind rolled over to Gan and he felt his stomach flutter. She’d gone with him on his last “Saturday Therapy Session” and, though they spoke very little on those flights, she’d said a lot by just coming. Gan was still nervous about flying with him. He could see it in the flex of her jaw, the set of her back, and how stiff she was when entering the craft but she refused to admit it. Instead, she swore she wanted to go fly and, on the Saturday’s she didn’t work, she showed up. Logan couldn’t deny that he liked when she came with him. It was nice having a passenger. The sky was his home and, sometimes, it could be lonely and, when she was there, the sunrises seemed brighter, the afternoon sky more vibrant, the sun more radiant, and he really wasn’t sure how she did it - but she did.
A lot had changed between them since spring, more than he could really process, but it had all been good. Frightening, yes, but also equally wonderful. Logan’s thoughts waltz to a few weeks ago, when she’d come and helped take care of him in the middle of a winter storm. His chest tightened, and not from the labor of cardio. She’d been so kind, caring, nurturing and it had been… unexpected. Somehow it seemed both in and out of character for her. The witty banter hadn’t changed, he never wanted that to change, but she’d made him a meal, dried his hair when he’d been too tired to do so, and soothed him in a way that he’d never experienced before. It baffled him and also warmed him.
The thought of her hands in his hair as he fell asleep to Dr. Stangelove nearly tripped him as he misplaced his foot on the curb. Logan looked up and realized they had completed nearly all of their run. They were almost back at the bus stop. The odd, warm, feeling in his chest threatened to burst from him and he channeled the unusual energy into the last of the run. He looked over to his brother and clapped him on the shoulder.
“Tag,” he said, with a wicked grin and sprinted past his twin. Cody blinked and the equally mischievous smile that crossed his lips told Logan the game was on. Logan ran, hard, weaving through people as he went. Some people protested, others didn’t mind, as he bolted away from his twin. Adrenaline fueled him and he turned a hard right at the corner of the block ahead of him. He could hear Cody right behind him, could hear his feet pound against the concrete and he knew he was almost caught. The bus stop was within view but much too far away.
“Where did this come from?” Cody laughed, and slapped Logan on the shoulder. Cody, always a bit faster than him, sprinted ahead, using speed that Logan hadn’t known his brother had.
“Seriously?” Logan chuckled, “How are you still so fast?” he called and he mustered his strength to chase after his brother. Cody was much faster, but he was clumsy in his haste and, as he dodged between two people, stumbled, and nearly fell, Logan was able to gain a few more strides. He was nearly within reach but he was losing steam, his lungs burned with the cold, and Cody… Cody ran sprints for fun. Logan dug deep and found it in himself to sprint forward, pulling all of his reserve out for this. Cody laughed maniacally at seeing him approach.
“No, no, no, no!” he protested, but it was too late, Logan tapped him on the shoulder and then, looking to make sure traffic was clear, he darted across the road.
“That’s jaywalking! Not fair and not legal!” Cody protested, as he waited for a car to pass before he followed after Logan. This gave Logan all the time he needed to gain some distance. The bus stop was so close. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Cody moving, his speed much faster than he anticipated. Logan redoubled his efforts. He could do this. He could make it to the stop before Cody tagged him.
Logan was nearly there, lungs and legs burning, laughing with panic as he saw Cody out of the corner of his eye and then -
Cody tagged him.
Logan groaned with a smile as he slowed down and looked up to see his twin standing triumphantly at the corner of the small, heated, building.
“I win,” he said, and Logan struggled to catch his breath.
“You win,” Logan panted, placed his hands over his head, and inhaled the frigid Minnesota air as he turned and began walking back toward their house.
“So, what do I win?” Cody asked, a laugh to his voice, Logan looked over to him and, against his nature, reacted on impulse.
“A confession,” he said, and Cody jerked his attention to him. The smile was gone, replaced by unabashed curiosity, and maybe a bit of concern. Logan lowered his arms.
“What kind of confession?”
“Does it matter?”
“No,” Cody said, and Logan could feel his brother's blue eyes bore into him. He stopped. Cody turned to him.
“I have feelings for Gan,” he confessed, and it felt odd to have it out in the air. The words felt funny on his tongue, almost like he wanted to say it again, but louder. Cody was quiet for far longer than Logan was comfortable with. Logan squirmed under his unwavering gaze and then Cody grinned.
“I knew it!” he clapped his hands together and pumped his fist.
“What? What do you mean you knew it?” Logan sputtered.
“Logan, you’re my brother, my twin, did you really think I wouldn’t notice?”
“How long?”
“How long, what? Have I known?”
“Yes.”
“About two months? Why?” Logan thought hard about Cody’s answer. He’d only just made the realization about a week ago. He grew quiet, concerned, and he thought about their father, Isaac. Had he noticed his change in behavior? It had been obvious for Cody to know well before he even knew his real feelings. “You’re worried about dad, aren’t you,” it came out as more of a statement and Logan rubbed the back of his neck.
“Yeah… and I’m also afraid he knows that Gan stayed the night back when that winter storm, Gail, hit,” he admitted. Cody knew she’d been at the house that weekend, mostly because he’d sent Gan over in the first place. Her getting stuck there hadn’t really occurred to him though. Not until after the fact.
“I think you’re safe. I think I only noticed it because well, you’re my brother, we still share the same room… dad’s too wrapped up in his own affairs anyway,” Cody assured him and Logan sighed. Cody placed a hand on his shoulder as they walked, they were nearly home now. “So, when are you going to tell her you like her?” he asked.
“I can’t do that,” Logan balked.
“Sure you can!” Cody laughed.
“I’m sure I can’t. Besides, I value our friendship and I’m not about to let myself ruin that,” he confessed, but it hurt him to say. It would be selfish of him to break down months of hard work and trust just because he now found her more attractive than a friend should. He was also confident that this was just infatuation and it, like many things, would go away with time. A small part of him knew this was a lie but it was a lie he was willing to believe.
“Breath in the Deep, Logan, how do you live like that,” Cody exhaled and roughly shoved Logan’s head, exasperated.
“Like what?” he was confused.
“Always worrying about someone else and never yourself. It’s exhausting! When I took that leap of faith with Felicity, did you not think I considered the same thing?” Cody asked him and Logan blinked.
“No, I thought you knew that she liked you already,” he admitted and Cody shook his head.
“I was clueless but I still put myself out there and it worked! Sometimes you have to take a risk, Logan. You know that. Look at all you’ve done with aviation, the PI work, the whole nine-yards, and now… Gan is on the line and you clam up,” Cody took his hat off, steam rose from his sweaty head as they stood on the sidewalk in front of their house.
“I don’t think my other accomplishments are on par with putting my heart on the line ,” Logan mimicked his brother and removed his hat.
“What’s the worst that could happen, really? You confess that you like her and then what? If she accepts then that’s great! If she declines you then I’d like to think that the both of you were mature enough to look past that. Maybe rebuild the friendship. People do that, you know,” Cody explained and moved down the path that led up to the house. Logan kicked snow off the steps as he ascended the porch behind his brother.
“Honestly, that’s my biggest fear… the rejection,” he knotted his fingers into his hair and pulled before he relaxed his hold and pushed past Cody and into the house. Cody was quiet again, once more leaving Logan feeling awkward and isolated as they removed their shoes and hung up their coats in near unison movements.
“That would bother you that badly?” Cody’s question surprised Logan as they wandered down the hall to the washer and dryer. Logan tossed his cap into the empty washing machine, Cody did the same.
“Are you really asking me if rejection would bother me?” Cody rubbed his face and Logan pulled off his sweater and added it to the growing pile in the appliance. “Have you ever known me to like someone?” Logan felt frustrated and he tore the sweaty base layer shirt from his body, the moisture wicking material had been a joke. It clung to him like cellophane and it made him irrationally angry.
“No, no I haven’t,” Cody said, as he too removed his undershirt and added it to the washing machine. Logan bent over to remove his socks.
“So, how could you expect me to just… be okay if she rejected me? How would you feel if Felicity rejected you?” he asked, and stood up to look his brother in the eye. Cody sighed and also bent over to remove his socks.
“I’d be devastated,” Cody admitted and Logan took his brothers socks and tossed them in with the rest of their clothes then closed the lid to the washer. “You really are in a predicament,” Logan sighed and shut the folding door to the laundry units before he walked past his brother.
“I know and I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I hate how logic tells me to sit down and shut up and not worry about it but the emotional part of my head, that very small part of me, is the absolute loudest,” he threw his hands in the air, frustrated, and turned the corner and walked into the kitchen.
“You think it’s bad now,” Cody commented as he stopped in the doorway and leaned against its frame. Logan shot him a concerned look.
“What?” he closed the refrigerator back and looked at his brother. The water he’d wanted was forgotten.
“Oh, yeah, it gets worse and it’ll be worse because, let's say she does return the feelings, you’re going to be just like me . Hiding, trying to keep things low key, keep dad off your tracks, and all the while you’ll be running around with your heart attached to someone else's. It’s wonderful, beautiful, Felicity makes my heart sing and I wouldn’t trade it for all the world… but we’ve been together for a while. We’ve all but perfected the art of being quiet. You, on the other hand, are an absolute train wreck when it comes to hiding anything from dad much less other people,” Cody laughed and Logan hated that he was right. “I know you’ll be happy and I’ll be happy for you too. You’ll smile more, probably wander around like a fool in love, a bounce in your step, and you’re not going to want to hide it. I didn’t. I hate that I have to but it is what it is. You’ll spend a lot of your time at the café, trying to find the right time to hold her hand, make every excuse you can to go to the park or sneak out for an “errand” or two. You know what I’m talking about,” and Logan did. He’d watched his brother do it for a while now. Dad had never really questioned it because, to a large extent, Cody was something of a busy-body and working in time to see Felicity didn’t come off as unusual to his routine. He had it down to a science.
Logan groaned, opened the fridge again, and pulled out two bottles of water. He tossed one to Cody who caught it with ease.
“What do I do then?” Logan asked, now more frustrated with the situation than when he’d first admitted his feelings to his brother.
“Let’s start with the confession first,” Cody grinned. “Let’s not put the cart before the horse,” he cracked open the water bottle and took a drink. Logan did the same. “So, when do you want to tell her?” he asked and Logan exhaled, exasperated.
“I have no idea,” he admitted, and Cody shook his head.
“Figure it out. I’m going to shower,” Cody said, and stood up from the door frame then headed up stairs.
“Please, I can smell you from here,” Logan laughed, and leaned against the counter and watched as his brother left. He wasn’t sure if he felt better about his current predicament regarding his attachment to Gan. However, he did feel less alone in his struggle. At least now he could talk to someone about it rather than drown in emotions and sentiments he didn’t fully understand and, for that, he was thankful. A small part of him wished he could have been there for Cody, to know then what he knew now, when he’d gone through similar feelings with Felicity. His brother, Logan thought, was far too forgiving and kind to him and he really didn’t deserve him as a sibling. Maybe, one day, he could make up for it though how exactly he could… he wasn’t sure.