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He laid in his bed, exhausted from living, feeling numb.
An itchy feeling in his arm made itself felt and the need to drag that little sharp blade over his underarm grew tremendously just so he could feel anything right now.
He was tired. Tired of life but also tired of feeling distracted, exhausted, unmotivated and numb all the time.
But he couldn't move.
To get to the bathroom cost too much energy. It wasn't worth moving his body to feel again for a little while and having to make sure no one will notice his doing afterwards.
He was aware that his thinking wasn't the one of a mentally healthy person but as much as he sought for comfort, it wasn't the comfort of a psychiatrist he wanted.
Maybe he should call for help?
Langa was only a call away.
But they had school tomorrow and it was already 3 am.
Miya would be nice company too and maybe even get the redhead out of bed.
But the little kid was living too far away and had school too.
An other comforting person would be Joe- Kojiro, when they were away from the Crazy Rock- but the green-haired man has a restaurant to take care of and waking him up now would make Kojiro's day miserable.
Cherry- Kaoru- was the other adult he'd want to be comforted by but the pink-haired guy would have his AI taken care of unwanted calls in the middle of the night and Reki was too exhausted to argue with a machine.
In the end Reki still laid in bed, eyes closed because his eyelids were so heavy, his arm still feeling itchy, his head hurting from thinking and maybe also the lack of food and drinking.
His thoughts spiralled to skateboarding. He loved it. It made him happy. He was finally good at something. Not that it was the only thing he could do well but when he skated it was the time he got admired for what he does.
But now they had Snow- Langa, his best-friend and secretly also boyfriend- the former snowboarder with his freaking airs. Langa was so awesome.
And while Langa made the prettiest snow fall in Okinawa with his skating, Reki was the cold that came with them that no one liked.
He got no rest that night.
Standing up when his alarm gone off was too tiring. But worrying his family wasn't in his intention.
While walking out of the house he forgot his bento, the school things weren't packed either and the sounds of the skateboard were too loud in his head, making its pounding more bad.
When he met with Langa everything seemed to have a little more colour than before, a wide smile sat on Reki's lips- even tho it was forced to be brighter- and Langa's arms around his chest made his heart pound.
Yeah, he's sort of a drug in Reki's life. Or the sparkles that he needed to light up to be a big flame.
With Langa by his side the school day was totally acceptabley. They cuddled in the breaks and Langa shared his lunch with Reki. And Reki was sort of grateful he could keep it inside.
Later that day- it was almost midnight- they met up at Kojiro's restaurant 'Sia la luce' before they headed together to the crazy rock.
And on the way, while Langa was excitedly racing Cherry, Joe and Miya, Reki fell behind and that numb feeling climbed his limbs again. He felt glued to the spot even though he was still moving. Life sucked.
Kojiro was the first to notice the absenced redhead and let the other continue their race while he headed back. He smiled relieved when he spotted to boy after a minute racing down their track.
"Reki! There you are. Man, are you okay?", he asked, his parental instincts on alert.
But Reki's mind was clogged. Neither did he hear Joe nor did he saw him and almost raced into him if it wasn't for the green-haired man to catch him by his shoulders and stopping the board with his own foot.
Face front in Kojiro's chest, Reki let out a sigh, relaxing a bit at the little feeling of comfort going from the hands on his shoulders. They were warm and big, the totally opposite to Reki's tightened heart and numb feelings.
Worried by Reki's actions, Kojiro pulled the boy to the side of the road and into an actual hug. He'd text Kaoru later what happened if the calligraphist decided to not call him.
"Hey big boy, what's up?", Kojiro asked, rubbing his big hand over the smaller ones back.
"Headache", Reki murmured, closing his eyes and holding onto Kojiro's jacket with barely any energy left.
The chef looked around and smiled softly. "Alright, let us head back to the restaurant.", he proposed and gently pulled Reki behind himself when they skated.
To see the drained expression on Reki's face made his heart clench and Kojiro somehow doubted that the cause was only a headache.
Back in the safety of the restaurant, Reki sat down on one of the tables, laying his head on its cold surface and looking up to his father figure.
"Is it really only a headache or won't painkillers be enough?", the green-haired now asked.
Reki sighed.
Explaining it would be so weird. He didn't even know by himself what's actually wrong. Well he knew but it was too much to get down and it was just so hard and so draining.
"Not only a headache..."
At least he wouldn't lie. He could explain the problem when he feels a bit better. When talking wasn't like rocks would crush him down. When life was a bit easier and his smile wasn't forced.
Kojiro wasn't really helpless with the little boy. He kind of knew what was happening because when they were little Kaoru often had these bad days too. Even though the adult doubted it was only a day for the exhausted redhead.
"Do you want a tea? Or ice?"
Yeah, many would be confused. Tea is hot, Ice is cold. Where was the sense? But Kojiro knew that it was about feeling something. And not just eating or drinking.
Reki closed his eyes. The sleepless night an extra weight on his already heavy shoulders.
"Tea", he answered, drawing little circles onto the table.
Kojiro nodded, took his phone and left Reki alone for a few minutes, making tea and texting his boyfriend. Kaoru was immediately worried and asked if he needed to come back but Kojiro told him to keep the other boys in check. He was fine with taking care of Reki.
Back with two cups of tea and a pack of cookies, Kojiro sat down next to Reki instead of opposite from him. The redhead immediately took it to his advantage and leaned onto the broad body.
"Do you want to talk?", Kojiro asked. And to his surprise the answer wasn't the expected one.
"Later", Reki murmured, taking a cookie and nibbling on it.
And that was okay for Kojiro. He would have also accepted a 'no' but Reki's answer was much better. The boy was ready to chance something.
"Later it is.", he smiled, laying his arms around the child and cuddled him.
Yeah, Reki felt comfortable. He needed this.
'Thank you, dad.' He secretly thought, cuddling further onto the warm body and letting sleep roll over him.