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To say it’s been a hard day would be an understatement.
Nothing particularly bad has happened today, but there’s been one thought circling around your mind - consuming the extra fluff in your brain, forcing you to look it in the eyes.
You try to avoid it, to distract yourself, but nothing works. It quickly becomes all you can think about. Attempting to do anything other than think that thought is futile.
You sit on the windowsill, thinking the thought on repeat as you gaze at the garden down below. You sit there a while, on the brink of tears, before there’s a soft knock at the door.
It’s Shuu. He gives you a gentle smile, softly padding over to you, “Mon cheri,” He says, stopping next to you, “You haven’t been yourself today. Is everything alright?”
You shrug, before letting out a small, “Yeah.”
He furrows his brow, “Are you sure? You don’t seem to be alright.”
You feel yourself well up some more, “I’m fine,” You say. Your voice cracks and it’s obvious you’re upset. You know he won’t leave you alone now.
“You’re not,” He says, “You’re upset. What’s upset you, my sweetheart?” He sits next to you, his hand resting on your knee.
You shrug, “It’s…” You were going to tell him it was nothing, you’re fine - but you can’t get it out.
“You can talk to me about anything, you know,” He continues, softly tracing the skin of your knee, getting closer to you.
You can feel his warmth getting closer to you - tempting you. All you want to do is pull him close and snuggle into him. It wouldn’t fix anything, but it might ease the pain slightly - just enough to feel better.
“I…” You start, but you don’t finish. You think that you shouldn’t tell him, it might upset him.
He waits, watching you stumble over your words. He edges closer to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. You lean into him ; this small amount of comfort is enough to send you to tears.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s alright,” He says, eventually, squeezing your hand, “But you know you can tell me anything. Anything. I promise.”
“I know,” You mumble, “I just…”
You hesitate.
He strokes your knuckles, pulling you in closer towards him. He’s so warm. The desire to embrace him is becoming visceral. You’re shaking, but out of anxiety or something else is unknown.
You have to tell him now.
You weren’t crying before, but telling him your troublesome thought is enough to send you to tears.
Trembling, in a small voice, you’re to mumble out that damned thought : “I just want to disappear,” You weep.
Shuu stops, gazing at you with a face so upset it breaks your heart even more. He squeezes your hand even more, saying, “Oh, mon amour,” in a voice so hurt is seems to bleed.
He quickly wraps you in a tight embrace, repeating, “Oh, mon amour, mon amour…”
His body is somehow more warm and comforting than expected ; it makes you quite sleepy. You curl into him, burying your face in his warm chest, trembling and weeping into him as he gives your hair a soft stroke.
You stay like this for a few beautiful moments, listening to the beating of his heart, the rise and fall of his chest, and his repeating whispers of comfort. He squeezes you so hard, every part of you covered by his body. He makes small mumbling noises, burying his face in your hair.
“I don’t want you to disappear,” He whispers to you, “I’d find that quite unbearable.”
He strokes your hair, laying soft kisses on your forehead, “I’m so sorry you feel like this,” He whispers, “I wish I could make it all go away. I wish I could make everything okay.”
You shudder, curling into him tighter. He kisses you again and again, his lips beginning to quiver, “I’m here for you,” He says, “I promise. I’m here for you. Always.”
You nod slightly, “I know.”
“I’m here,” He whispers, “I’m here…Please don’t disappear. That would break my heart. I couldn’t bear to exist in a world without you in it.”
He kisses you again, “Please don’t disappear. Without you here, I would simply expire. Mon amour, mon amour…I adore you, please don’t ever disappear.”
He trails off, and you remain in that tight, warm embrace for more beautiful moments. He continues to whisper, to tell you that he is here, he loves you, that he would be lost without you.
He tells you that it’s okay. He repeats it, over and over.
It’s not okay. You both know that. But for now, as you embrace and whisper sweet nothings to each other ; you can’t help but feel that eventually - everything is going to be okay.