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Tobirama Senju was known for being relentless on the battlefield. He had killed Izuna Uchiha without hesitation and he would’ve killed Madara Uchiha had Hashirama Senju not stopped him. They would be just two more names on the endless list of people he had defeated – plenty of them Uchiha like you. In his eyes, restraining oneself never did anyone any good.
And this included sparring sessions too. Hitting your bodies threshold was the only way to surpass yourself. How would one become stronger if they never reached their limit? Therefore, it was necessary both sparring partners gave their everything until the last piece of chakra was used.
Thousands of times had you heard his speech about it. He followed this rule religiously – at least that’s what he claimed. But lately he seemed to be holding back when the two of you sparred. It had subtly started with him not using his shadow clones anymore and had been followed by the Flying Thunder God Slash vanishing from the training ground. While they used to be a consistent part of your sparring sessions, you hadn’t seen them in weeks. And now he seemed to slow down his Flying Thunder God Technique. You saw the kunai flying by your head with your Sharingan and expected him to teleport behind you, pressing another one to your throat. But he didn’t, throwing you off-guard. A whole second passed until he appeared in your back, one hand on your arm to keep it from moving, the other holding another kunai to your neck, its blade reflecting the moonlight.
His proximity made you nervous. Your body felt hot as if it was burning and your heart was racing. One could blame the physical activity or the thick layers of clothes you wore to protect your body from Konohagakure’s icy winter, but you knew your body well enough. This was different. “You’re holding back, Tobirama”, you pressed out, careful to stay still. “What happened to giving it your all?”
His hot breath tickled your neck, causing a shiver to run down your spine. “I knew you would expect me to appear instantly, so I waited to throw you off – and see, it worked. I won.”
“Bullshit”, you spat back. “You haven’t used you clones or Flying Thunder God Slash in weeks and now you’re slowing down your movements. One might think you’re going easy on me.”
Silence filled Konoha’s wintery air for second and you heard him gulp. His hand pulled the kunai pointing at your throat a little closer in an attempt to act confident, the tip puncturing your skin. “Shut up, Uchiha.”
You smirked although he couldn’t see it, he would hear it in the tone of your voice anyway. “You only call me that when you’re angry. Did I strike a nerve?”
Abruptly letting go of you, he took a step back, the snow crunching under his feet. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s late. Go home.”
With a scoff you turned around to him, but only got to see his back as he gathered his things, deliberately avoiding looking your way. It made you angry. Tobirama had never been one to be affectionate but being this distant was unusual – even for him.
“Tobirama.”
He stopped and eventually turned around, finally letting you see something else than his back. Despite the low temperatures drops of sweat glistered in the moonlight on his adamant face. “What?” The cold had colored his nose red, but you could tell despite the obscurity his cheeks were burning from something else.
“Aren’t you tired?”, you asked, gesturing between the two of you. “Of whatever this is between us?”
With eyebrows furrowed, he crossed his arms in front of his chest. The tension between you was so thick one could cut it with a knife. “This? There’s nothing between us. We’re sparring partners, nothing more.”
You knew he didn’t believe his own words but they didn’t hurt any less because of it. There was no way he – as a sensory type – didn’t notice the change of atmosphere between you over the last few weeks. There was no way he didn’t notice the lingering gazes, the lingering touches, the lingering warmth when you were close to each other.
“The fact that you have point out that it’s ‘nothing more’ shows you know very well you’re lying. You’re trying to convince yourself of the truth behind these words more than you’re trying to convince me, because you’re doubting the truth behind them just as much as I do.” Unintentionally your feet had brought you closer to him with every word you had said and now you stood in front of him, not more than a foot between your bodies. “You’re holding back because you’re afraid to hurt me.”
Both your breaths formed little clouds in the air, softly brushing over the other’s face, as you stared into each other’s eyes. Right now, he was good at hiding his emotions behind the stoic, stone-cold expression, leading one to believe you had only imagined the feelings developing between the two of you lately.
His jaw tensed, before he spoke, “It’s better like this.” The additional ‘for the village’ hung in the air, left unspoken. When you were about to return something – anything – he continued, “The Uchiha clan is cursed. I am aware your clan can love deeply, more than any other clan, but within the blink of an eye this same love can turn into hatred stronger than the love you felt before.”
“So, you know where my heart lies. Now tell me what is stopping you from following yours.”
This was the closest the both of you would get to confessing to the other. Either of you had said what needed to be said. Both of you knew what the other felt for you, but neither of you acted on these feelings.
“I killed Izuna Uchiha”, he said, breaking the eye contact by turning his head away from you.
“So what?”
His head flung around again as he looked at you angry, stubborn and desperate. “He was your cousin!”
“Yes, and I held him dearly, however I have as much Senju blood on my hands as you have Uchiha blood on yours. We can’t change it, but that was in the past and we can learn and move on from this.” Your voice softened as your heart clenched at his persistence.
He shook his head, heart colder than the winter. “Hardly, according to Madara.”
Nails dug into the skin of your palm as you balled your hands into fists, the pain helping to hold back the tears. “I’m not Madara!”
“He’s your clan leader!”, he countered.
Before you realized it, you had slapped him across the face. At least you tried, though thanks to his happuri it hurt you probably more than him – not that he needed to know. It was the principle what mattered, the message. “And I’m still my own person. Just because Madara is my clan’s leader doesn’t mean he dictates everything in our lives. I was one of the first Uchiha to follow the Senju’s path to peace, despite Izuna and Madara refusing. You claim you want to move away from thinking as clans to thinking as a village, as a family, but here you are, refusing to follow your heart because of the clan I belong to.”
The only confirmation you had struck a nerve were his knuckles turning white as his hands gripped tighter on his upper arms and his lips pressing together into a thin line. “Moving on from thinking in clans doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to potential threats.”
A single snowflake landed on his cheekbone, melting instantly, and you refrained from brushing it away with your fingers, simultaneously fighting the urge to slap him again for what he had said. Instead, you shook your head. “So, you believe certain Uchiha, like Kagami, are able to escape our clan’s curse and follow the Will of Fire, but you don’t believe I am one of them.”
“I don’t want to be the one to blame when another Uchiha falls victim to the Curse of Hatred.”
A sigh left your lips. “In case of your death, the Curse of Hatred could get me anyway, no matter if you stood by your heart in that moment or not, because I would still lose a loved one. The decision you make about acting on your feelings does not shape the influence the curse might have on me.”
More snowflakes came down, landing on his face and fur collar, filling the silence for a moment.
“Listen, Uchiha, I–”
With a raised hand in front of his chest you interrupted him, never touching his armor. “Save it, Tobirama. If you intend to treat me like any other Uchiha except on the training grounds, fine. I’ll look for another sparring partner then. Goodbye.” You turned around and walked across the clearing in the direction of the Uchiha compound, ignoring the piercing jab in your chest and bowing your head as a greeting to one of the trees at the glade’s edge. “Madara.”
Two red eyes appeared, glowing in the dark, tomoe swirling around the iris before melding into Madara’s distinctive Mangekyō Sharingan. “This was truly an interesting love confession.”
Not touching upon his remark, you continued walking home, the cold air suddenly gnawing through your clothes. You should’ve known Tobirama Senju, the incarnated pragmatism, would reject the idea of getting into a relationship requiring emotions rather than rationality. You should’ve seen it coming, but your heart’s longing was stronger – after all, Uchiha were driven by their heart instead of their head.
Madara left you be for a few minutes to gather yourself, before catching up. “Didn’t I tell you it was a foolish idea to get involved with the Senju?”
“It’s just one particular Senju, Madara.”
He clicked his tongue. “And still your heart chose this one out of all the other Senju men.”
The snow and dry twigs crunched under your shoes, almost swallowing your next words. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You fell for the most problematic man you could fall for – especially as an Uchiha – but you didn’t do it intentionally. It’s an unfortunate path the universe chose for you, so no Uchiha will put any blame on you. We know best that nothing ever –”
“– goes as planned in this accursed world. I know.” you paused, biting your lip. “How much did you hear earlier?”
He chuckled. “Enough to know your hand hurts probably more than his face.”
Your cheeks burned, knowing he had witnessed almost everything of the conversation you had with Tobirama. “And you’re not mad?”
Madara’s deep laugh echoed through the silent forest, startling a rabbit on its way to its burrow. “I’m not mad, sweetheart. How could I be mad at someone who hit Tobirama Senju?” The clearing of his throat gave his next words a serious tone. “He may be the man who killed my remaining brother, but I won’t tell you who you can and can’t love. I liked what you said about us having as much Senju blood on our hands as they have ours on theirs. The Senju – as much as I might despise some of them – aren’t the only guilty ones in this mess. And at least he’s not acting as if nothing happened, he acknowledges he killed Izuna.”
Side by side the two of you walked the remaining distance to the Uchiha compound in silence, your hands behind your backs and your heads up to gaze into the distance. In front of your house, he sent you off with the words, “He’ll come around. He’d be an idiot if he didn’t.”
He was already a few feet away when you thought of something. “Madara! What did you want around midnight at the training ground anyway?”
“Something that can wait”, he answered with a mischievous smile before he disappeared into a cloud of smoke, keeping you from questioning him any further.
Inside you stripped off your Uchiha robe and the rest of your clothes to take a shower. With nobody around, today’s exhaustion took over your body. The warm water relaxed the tension in your burning muscles from training and melted the icicles Tobirama’s words had left in your heart. And there, in the confinement of your own home with no one around, you let the tears flow, because what hurt the most was, you could see his reasoning. You understood it made sense from his position as he was one of the founders of Konohagakure and, as a consequence, one of its most important people.
After your tears had dried up, you got to washing off the sweat and dirt the hours on the training ground had left behind. While drying yourself off, you noticed Madara was right: Tobirama did come around – and sooner than you expected.
He stood next to the table your Uchiha robe was lying on, half his back to you and fingers caressing the crest on the back. Next to it rested his happuri. His armor was still dirty and obviously the same he wore before, telling you he didn’t go home to change. The fur on his collar was drenched from the snow melting, drops falling on your floor. His head turned a little so you could watch his profile, noticing the softer, almost dreamy, expression he wore. Despite his excellent sensory nature, he was still to mesmerized by the fabric – or whatever he was thinking of – to take notice of you.
“You know, some people consider it rude to enter someone’s home without their permission.”
His fingers paused for a moment, before he turned around to you, folding his arms. “I apologize. I just wanted to talk to you before some Uchiha murders me in broad daylight in the middle of the street. As much as I despise admitting this, I’m currently not in a state to properly defend myself.”
Crossing your arms in front of your chest as well, you raised an eyebrow. “The Uchiha – just like every other clan in Konohagakure by the way – agreed to approach issues with diplomacy instead of violence. Apart from that it’s currently one in the morning, so there’s no ‘broad daylight’ outside.”
“Political matters, yes.” The wooden floorboards creaked as he shifted his body weight from one leg to the other and the knuckles on his hands turned white as his grip on his upper arm tightened. What he said next was hard to pronounce for him. “Though I’m afraid it becomes a personal matter when I intend to court one of their clan members. Especially in case said person is the leader’s close family like a cousin. God knows what rumors Madara is spreading right now, about how I broke your heart earlier. And with your eyes it’s always like broad daylight.”
You gave him a teasing smirk and took a few steps closer to him. “I assume you’re here because I am the cousin you intend to court. May I ask what changed your mind?”
Once again, the floor creaked as he shifted his weight visibly awkward, before twisting his expression into his typical scowl and grumbling, “My brother.” He cleared his throat and looked to the side, avoiding eye contact. “I talked to him – or rather he talked some sense into me.”
“Oh, how the tables have turned.” Your feet brought you even closer to him to the point you stood as close to him as earlier on the training ground.
Without addressing your remark or returning your gaze despite you standing directly in front of him, he continued, “He told me if you can adapt the Senju’s Will of Fire, I can adapt at least some of the Uchiha’s passion and follow my heart sometimes.”
The teasing smirk on your lips turned into a soft smile as you laid your palm on his cheek. His skin heated up under your touch and turned almost as red as the marks on his face. “I appreciate this very much, Tobirama.”
“How’s your hand?” He changed the topic, his gaze still flickering around the room, focusing on everything but you. When you didn’t give an answer, he cleared his throat once more and added, “Because of earlier...”
Chuckling, you ignored his stiffening frame and wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug and resting your head against his chest and on his still folded arms. “It’s doing great. I’m mad if you really think that hurt me.” You propped your chin up on his arms to look at him. “Don’t worry about me. I survived countless battles and I’m still doing fine.”
Finally, he looked at me. For a second your eyes crossed, but then his gaze shifted down. “What about your throat?”, he asked as his phalanx brushed over your skin there. “It seems like I hurt you, you’re bleeding.”
“My god, Tobirama. I’m not made of glass. I thought of all people you should know best. So, stop worrying about me.”
Instead of a proper answer, you only got a grumpy sigh and him breaking away from your eye contact, so you cupped his face, observing the red tinted cheeks, and pulled him into a soft kiss. Although you had to pull his face down quite a bit, the kiss still caught him by surprise, causing him to slightly lose his balance and almost making the two of you fall. He caught himself last second, grabbing you by your waist to steady your bodies.
“I’m sorry”, he mumbled when pulling away.
The evident embarrassment on his face coaxed an amused laugh from your lips. “Relax, Tobirama. Now that I know where your heart lies, I’m willing to be patient with it no matter how long it may take, I promise.”