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It was the middle of the night, and Hajime Hinata was standing outside the door of Nagito Komaeda’s cottage.
He had no idea why. Or maybe he had a lot of ideas why, and he didn’t want to think about any of them. Whatever his reason might have been, though, it was unquestionably a terrible idea. One of the worst he’d ever had, probably. It wasn’t too late to turn back, though. He could turn around, go back to his own cottage, and no one would ever know.
But…
He had been trying to sleep for hours, and it wasn’t happening. His mind just couldn’t shut off. He couldn’t stop reliving that trial. They had started with sixteen students, and now, just like that, two of them were gone. But it wasn’t the discovery of Byakuya’s body that kept replaying in Hajime’s head, nor was it the gruesome sight of Teruteru being deep-fried to death.
It was Nagito. The way he had seemed to turn into an entirely different person in an instant right in front of Hajime’s eyes. The way he had confessed to murder, then taken it back and confessed to planning a murder but being thwarted, and then freely given everyone there full permission to kill him. And all in that same unsettlingly cheerful, nonchalant tone.
The things he had said, the way he had rambled like a lunatic about hope and despair and the “love” he claimed to have for the Ultimates…But out of all of it, nothing had stuck with Hajime more than what Nagito had said directly to him. His claim that the two of them were similar , bonded by their love for Hope’s Peak Academy.
It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. Yes, Hajime admired Hope’s Peak, but…he wasn’t anything like Nagito. His feelings toward the school weren’t something that could ever cause him to do something like attempt murder . The things Nagito said…On a basic level, Hajime could almost see how they could make sense. But Nagito had twisted them somehow, turned them into something unrecognizable and incomprehensible to anyone in their right mind.
Although, considering the fact that he was still standing in front of Nagito’s door, Hajime wasn’t sure the phrase “in his right mind” could reasonably be applied to him anymore.
In one sudden motion, Hajime lifted his hand and knocked on the door.
He had done it now. He had officially done it, and there was no going back. Well, he supposed he could still dash away and jump behind the nearest bushes, but…
“Hajime.”
Okay, now it was too late.
There was Nagito, standing in the doorway, greeting Hajime with the same casual smile he always wore. He didn’t seem even slightly surprised to see Hajime there, nor did he seem like someone who had just been suddenly awoken. Had he…been expecting this?
“I had a feeling I would see you again tonight.”
Well. That answered that question.
Hajime distantly registered that he was just standing there looking like a complete idiot, and that he should make an attempt at saying something, but he just…could not make words happen. He had been driven to Nagito’s door by nothing but instinct, and now that he was there, face to face with him, his momentum had just stopped entirely.
Still smiling, Nagito opened the door wider and gestured inside his cottage. “Come in, Hajime.”
So Hajime did.
Nagito sat down on his bed, looking up at Hajime curiously. Hajime swallowed nervously. Despite everything, Nagito was...well, he was unfairly beautiful, there was no way around it. When Hajime had first awoken on the beach to the sight of Nagito hovering over him, he had genuinely thought he was dead and in heaven, because there was no other explanation in his mind for the boy's ethereal appearance. It wasn't until that moment in the trial that a crucial realization had occurred to Hajime:
Demons were pretty too.
Hajime watched Nagito cautiously, feeling a whirlwind of conflicting emotions swirling inside of him. He knew he should hate Nagito now. Despite all of the justifications he had offered, his actions were indefensible to Hajime. And yet, when Hajime looked at him, it was almost impossible not to fall back into the bemused affection he had quickly felt for him when they first met. Even now, after Nagito had seemingly revealed his true nature, there was an inexplicable innocence and openness to his face. There was just something about him that made Hajime feel... comfortable around him. Safe. As insane as that sounded.
But more than anything, Hajime felt a desire to understand. Nagito had revealed his true self back in the courtroom, but still, Hajime could feel it in his gut that there was more to the story. Nagito had a multitude of hidden depths, and Hajime didn't think he had shown anywhere near all of them yet. He found himself wanting to fully solve the puzzle that was Nagito Komaeda, to discover every little piece that made him who he was. He had to understand, so maybe he could…
"Um, Hajime?"
With a jolt, Hajime realized that he had been standing there just staring silently at Nagito for far longer than could be considered appropriate. "Oh, uh, sorry." With an awkward, abrupt motion, Hajime sat down next to him. God, what was wrong with him? Something about being around Nagito just made Hajime forget how to be a person.
"You seem nervous," Nagito observed. Softly, almost teasingly.
"Um, yeah . I think that's...understandable…"
"You're the one who decided to come here, though," Nagito pointed out - rather astutely, Hajime reluctantly had to admit. "You didn't have to. But I'm assuming you had a reason?"
"...Yeah, I did. I just…" Can't remember how words work, apparently . Hajime took a deep breath and tried again.
"The trial. You . All of those things you said, I just...couldn't stop thinking about it. I needed to see you, to talk to you. I need...to understand. Or at least to try to."
Nagito was silent for a long moment, seemingly thinking this over. Then, finally:
"Does that mean you don't hate me?"
Hajime blinked, caught off guard by the question. Nagito had said something similar after the trial ended, but why? Why was he so fixated on whether Hajime hated him or not?
There was a vulnerability to Nagito's face as he waited for an answer, and Hajime found that he couldn't look directly at him for very long at a time. It was overwhelming, like staring at the sun. Finally, not looking Nagito in the eyes, Hajime was able to muster up an answer.
"I...have no idea how I feel about you right now, honestly. That's why I need to understand you. I need to understand your feelings so I can...sort out my own, I guess."
"...You're amazing, Hajime."
Oh .
Hajime definitely did not blush at this. Not even slightly. Nope. The warmth he felt in his cheeks was an entirely unrelated matter, he was certain. He scoffed. "Oh, come on, don't-"
"No, I mean it. When most people come across something they don't understand, they run the other way. But here you are, confronting it directly instead. That's special."
...How could Hajime possibly respond to that other than by kissing him?
The kiss only lasted for a moment before Hajime realized Nagito wasn't actually reciprocating, and pulled away awkwardly. "Oh, uh - I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...I just…"
He started to jump up off of the bed, but Nagito caught him, grabbing his hand gently. "No, no, it's fine! It just...surprised me, is all. But I...Could we try that again…?"
Hajime didn't hesitate.
He leaned in, and this time, Nagito met him in the middle. The kiss was soft at first, tentative, uncertain. But it quickly grew more intense as they both realized just how right it felt. In that moment, all of Hajime's concerns and mixed emotions about Nagito fell completely to the wayside. He couldn't imagine wanting to be anywhere else.
Eventually, they ended up in a tangle on the bed, both slightly breathless. Hajime closed his eyes briefly, trying to process the new and unfamiliar sensations he was feeling. He'd had kisses before, but nothing like that - more along the lines of shy, awkward junior-high pecks. He had never before experienced the intimacy of lying on a bed, intertwined with someone who had just kissed him senseless.
"...So, do you want to talk about it?"
Hajime's eyes fluttered open at the sound of Nagito's voice. "...What do you mean by 'it,' exactly?" The fact that we just made out? Or the fact that you're an attempted murderer?
"Whatever you want to talk about, really."
Hajime sighed. "Nagito, just...be honest with me, please. Everything you said back there at the trial...was it the truth? Did you really mean all of that shit?"
Hajime hadn't really planned to say that, exactly - he just opened his mouth and the words fell out. But now it was out there. He watched Nagito, nervously awaiting his answer.
Nagito's eyes widened slightly. "I meant every word, I assure you! I believe in hope, and with all of you incredible Ultimates thrown into a situation like this, I have no doubt that it will inspire you to become a hope stronger than anything."
Hajime didn't understand anything that was happening. The things Nagito was saying were objectively insane, and yet...when he talked about these things, about hope and the Ultimates, there was a fire in his eyes that Hajime couldn't help but feel drawn to. The passion on his face was plain as day, and it was near-irresistible. Hajime had to fight to continue the conversation rather than just...kiss Nagito again.
"You talk about the Ultimates like you're not one of them. You have a talent too, you know? You were-"
"No, Hajime. Something like 'luck' can't be considered a talent. There's nothing special about me. Chiaki, Peko, Ibuki - they are talented. They are worthy of being symbols of hope. Compared to them and everyone else here, I'm lower than dirt."
Hajime couldn't explain why, but it really upset him to hear Nagito say things like that about himself. Nagito started to continue his diatribe, but Hajime cut him off.
"What about, like...Sonia? Or Fuyuhiko? Their talents aren't really any different than yours, are they? Just circumstances of their birth that they had no control over. So if you consider them worthy of being Ultimates, shouldn't you be the same?"
Nagito actually looked angry at this, or at least the closest to angry Hajime had ever seen him. "The next time you see them, you should apologize to them for comparing them to trash like me."
"Nagito-"
"It's not the same at all. It's true that Sonia and Fuyuhiko had no control over the positions they were born into, but they do have control over how they handle those positions. They're both under unimaginable stress, and have so much responsibility on their shoulders. The way they handle that pressure is what makes them Ultimates."
Hajime couldn't remember the last time he'd been so frustrated with someone. He tried to take a mental step back and remind himself that it wasn't actually his job to fix Nagito's self-esteem, or whatever. But it just felt... important to him for some reason. Hajime liked to think that he was a pretty decent person, and that he would react the same way to anyone saying so many terrible things about themselves, but it felt like more than that.
He shook his head, attempting to redirect the conversation slightly. "So, you really admire the Ultimates, and...that's why you don't care if you die?" He knew the incredulity was clear in his voice, but it couldn't be helped.
Nagito took a moment to think before responding. "Like I said, my life isn't special. The most usefulness I could ever have is to die so you can all use that death to make yourselves stronger."
Hajime had no idea how to respond to that. How could anyone respond to something like that? It was becoming clear that Nagito's beliefs were deeply held, so ingrained in him that he didn't question them or even see them as abnormal at all. This wasn't something Hajime could change in one conversation. There was still a voice in his head asking why he even cared, but it was getting quieter and quieter with every passing moment.
"I don't want anyone...anyone else ...to die, Nagito. Including you. I'm…I'm going to fight to make sure that doesn't happen."
"You think you can stop it?" There was something different in Nagito's eyes now, something darker. "That's...a beautiful hope, Hajime. But it's not real."
"...Nagito, what are you-"
"Monokuma has complete control over this island, and therefore, over all of us. Even if we all tried to unite and work together to defy Monokuma and prevent any more killings, he would never let that stand for long. He has ways of pulling our strings, don't you see? And all it takes is for one person to reach their breaking point. Eventually, another killing will happen, and any fragile facade of trust we manage to build up will shatter."
"Nagito…" Hajime desperately tried to interject, but Nagito's train of thought wasn't stopping for anyone.
"It's a moot point anyway, though, because it's not like any of us can trust each other in the first place. I mean, really, we can't even trust ourselves. Monokuma said our memories have been taken from us, meaning we actually don't even know who we really are. This environment...it's perfectly designed to breed suspicion, paranoia, and desperation. And that's why this killing game can't be stopped."
Hajime wanted to protest - he really, really wanted to - but...he couldn't. There was nothing he could say to that, because it was true . It was all true. He had already known that, honestly, but had been trying his hardest to deny that bleak interpretation of their situation. But in that moment, Hajime was forced to confront the harsh reality.
"...It's okay, Hajime. No matter how hopeless the situation might seem, I know you all are strong enough to overcome it. I believe that from the bottom of my heart."
The pure, undeniable sincerity in Nagito's voice was almost too much for Hajime to bear. On instinct, he reached out and softly touched Nagito's face for just a moment. "...And you don't expect to be around to see this hope you dream of come to fruition, do you?" The thought hurt Hajime in ways he couldn't even begin to understand.
Nagito shook his head slightly. "I have no expectations of surviving this killing school trip. In fact, I'd say there are very good odds of me being the next victim."
"Nagito! Why would you…"
"Come on, Hajime. I know you're not that ignorant. Even if they don't think they'd ever act on it...after that trial, everyone on this island wants me dead."
"Not everyone."
Hajime looked at Nagito, making eye contact and refusing to break it. He needed Nagito to understand and to believe him. Faced with the intensity of Hajime's unwavering attention, Nagito seemed uncharacteristically uncertain. He was the first to break the moment, looking down.
"That's because you're exceptional, Hajime. You've been incredibly generous toward me, in a way I definitely don't deserve. But you're the only one who's willing to do that."
Hajime shook his head, almost in disbelief. This boy was damn near impossible to get through to, and it was infuriating, and Hajime definitely shouldn't have been thinking about kissing him right then. That was an issue for another time.
"Okay, I can admit that most of them probably hate you. But even so, I don't think any of them will kill you." Hajime could see Nagito opening his mouth to object, and quickly cut him off. "And I'm not saying that out of some blindly optimistic trust in them, or whatever. I'm saying that because at this point, killing you would be giving you exactly what you want , and I don't think any of them want to do that."
Nagito was silent for a moment, and Hajime could see that he was genuinely thinking it over. "...You could be right about that. It's likely that they see my invitation to kill me as some sort of trap, and that they believe they would be allowing themselves to be manipulated by me if they went through with it. Good thinking, Hajime! I hadn't considered that."
Again, Hajime was definitely not blushing from the praise. That would have been ridiculous. He shook it off, trying to refocus. "So, I think you're safe for now. And that's a good thing, okay?"
Nagito just shook his head. "It's...insignificant."
"It's not ."
A small smile came to Nagito's face. "You're...really, really stubborn, you know that, Hajime?"
"...Takes one to know one."
And then they were kissing again.