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A few hours later, Hajime woke up in Nagito's bed.
...Well, shit.
Groggily, he recalled everything that had happened. In a kiss-fueled haze, he'd mumbled that he didn't want to leave.
"So don't," Nagito had replied.
And so, he hadn't.
Feeling suddenly self-conscious, he glanced over at Nagito uncertainly, only to see that Nagito seemed to be experiencing some kind of discomfort. He was asleep, but it seemed to be a fitful sleep. He was in constant motion, and his face - his beautiful face , Hajime's mind interjected unhelpfully - wore a troubled expression.
Hajime was unsure of what to do, but before he could make any kind of decision, Nagito jolted himself awake. Blinking a few times, his gaze landed on Hajime, and he realized that Hajime had been watching him. Before Nagito could say anything, Hajime frowned slightly.
"Are you okay? You seemed…" Hajime trailed off, uncertain of how to finish the sentence. But Nagito seemed to catch his meaning.
"Oh, no, I'm fine! I'm fine. Don't worry. It was just a nightmare, that's all. I...get those, sometimes. Not a big deal at all. Just go back to sleep, okay?" Nagito wasn't making eye contact, and Hajime didn't like the sudden evasiveness. But what he didn't like even more than that was the fact that as he finished speaking, Nagito got out of bed.
"Wait, what - where are you going?"
"Oh, I'm just going for a little walk. Get some fresh air, you know? It helps."
"Not alone, you're not." Hajime swung himself off of the bed as well. He was rewarded with that small, inscrutable smile of Nagito's. There was silence for a moment, but then:
"So, are you coming with me because you're concerned about me, or because you think I'm using this as an excuse to get out of the cottage and go kill someone?"
"...Call it multitasking."
Nagito smiled again, and together, the two headed out.
…
"You might be a little too trusting, you know that, Hajime?" Nagito suddenly said as they walked along the beach.
Hajime glanced at Nagito sideways, slightly startled. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well...you think I could be dangerous, right?" Hesitantly, Hajime nodded. "And yet you followed me out here, where we're alone, in the middle of the night…What if this was all part of my plan to lure you out here so I could kill you?"
Hajime froze. Nagito watched him, monitoring his reaction with a guarded expression. But after just a moment of thinking…"I've already been alone with you in your cottage for hours. If you were going to kill me, you had plenty of chances to do so already."
"Hm. True, but why would I do it in my own cottage? I'd just be making things more difficult for myself. I'd have to move your body somewhere - if you were discovered in my cottage, it would make for the most pointlessly straightforward class trial ever. But it's more likely that you wouldn't be discovered at all for quite some time, since there's no real reason for anyone else to be entering my cottage. So, it would be much simpler to lure you out and kill you elsewhere, where you would be discovered quickly, but in a scenario that wouldn't point directly to me. Exactly like this. See?"
Nothing about Nagito's demeanor suggested he was about to attempt murder. He had given that whole little speech so casually, so unaffectedly. Then again, nothing about his demeanor at the party had suggested he was about to attempt murder either, and...well. Clearly, his "demeanor" wasn't a reliable indicator of anything. And yet…
"...You're just screwing with me, right?" Hajime hoped Nagito couldn't hear the hint of trepidation in his voice. He needed to sound more confident than he actually was.
After a moment, that small smile of Nagito's appeared again. "...Of course." Hajime breathed a small sigh of relief, but Nagito wasn't done. "Well, maybe that's not the exact phrasing I would use. More like...trying to make a point."
Hajime just looked back at Nagito, uncertain what he was trying to say. He didn't have to wait long for Nagito to elaborate. "I have no intention of killing you right now, but everything I just said is still true. If I did want to kill you, you've made it so much easier for me. This could have ended very badly for you. ...We're in a killing game, Hajime. You need to be more careful."
This struck Hajime as so absurd that he almost laughed. "You of all people telling me that...Why does it even matter to you? You've already made it abundantly clear that you don't particularly care whether anyone here lives or dies, including yourself. And yet you're warning me to 'be more careful'?"
Nagito was capable of making his face completely unreadable when he wanted to, and he was doing it now. He looked away as he spoke. "...You misunderstand me. Like I said before, I love the Ultimates. It's not like I want any of you to die. Byakuya and Teruteru were amazing, and I'm sad to lose them. But it turned out that their hope wasn't strong enough. Which is disappointing, but I still believe in the rest of you. I believe-"
Hajime didn't let him finish. He was tired of it. Nagito was constantly speaking in layer after layer of indecipherable crypticism, and Hajime just wanted a straight answer from him for once. "Nagito...that's great and all, but none of it actually answers my question. Why does it matter to you if I'm 'careful' or not?"
"...Because I would really prefer for you not to die."
...Oh. Okay. That was...a lot. Hajime was caught completely off-guard, but before he had time to recover, Nagito continued.
"Like I've already told you, I know I'm a worthless person. I've accepted that. But because of that, I'm extremely grateful to anyone who shows me kindness I don't deserve. And you...you're not like anyone else here, Hajime. There's something...special about you."
Okay, fine . Hajime was finally forced to reluctantly admit to himself that he was, in fact, blushing. This conversation...it was a runaway train he had absolutely no control over. Every conversation with Nagito was like that. It was guaranteed to end in a fiery blaze of destruction, so why did Hajime find himself wanting to stay on board and see where the journey took him?
"...I'm not special , Nagito. I can't even remember my talent. I don't fit in at all with all of these people. If you really admire talent, then you have no reason to be interested in me."
"I think that's part of the reason why I feel so...drawn to you, actually. I'm sure your talent is something amazing, of course, but with you being unable to remember it...it kind of puts us in the same boat, doesn't it? Our talents aren't like anyone else here's - mine is useless, and yours is completely unknown."
Unlike he had before, this time, Hajime didn't immediately balk at Nagito's suggestion that the two of them were similar. It was starting to make a strange kind of sense. And what's more, it was starting to seem like...maybe it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, if it was true.
Nagito might have been insane. But he also might have been the only person on the island who could even come close to understanding how Hajime felt. Surrounded by a group of outstandingly talented and more than a little eccentric teenagers, they were the two obvious outcasts. When Hajime thought about someone like Ibuki, or Gundham, or Fuyuhiko...He knew he must have been like that, at some point. He had a talent, and just like them, it probably affected everything about his life and personality. But there was a wall standing between him and any memory of a life like that, and as such, it felt so completely foreign to him. There was an insurmountable divide between him and the rest of the Ultimates...except Nagito. Nagito was the only one standing on the other side of that divide with him. And that...well, it wasn't nothing.
"Nagito?"
"Hm?"
"...I don't hate you."
That smile. It was dangerous. In that moment, Hajime wasn't sure what he wouldn't do to make Nagito keep smiling like that, and it terrified him. He had started himself down this self-destructive path, and he couldn't get out even if he wanted to - he was in far too deep already. But what scared him more than anything was that he didn't want to. Getting out was the furthest thing on his mind.
"...That's a relief. I don't mind people hating me, for the most part, but...I'm glad you don't."
At some point, Nagito had sat down right there in the sand. Hajime joined him, sitting...probably a little closer than he necessarily needed to, if he was being honest. On impulse, he reached out and grabbed Nagito's hand, and for a moment, the two of them just smiled at each other. Some part of Hajime distantly recognized that Nagito was still very likely to be dangerous, but in that moment, he was just...human. Just a vulnerable, lonely boy.
"So...what's the deal with the nightmares?" Hajime hadn't necessarily planned on asking that, but he found himself genuinely curious. For a second, Nagito looked startled at the sudden change in topic.
"Oh, it's nothing! Like I said, I just have them sometimes. Not a big deal at all. Nothing I'd want to bother you with."
"Nagito? It's not bothering me with it if I asked ."
Nagito visibly had to take a moment to process that. "I...okay. The basic answer is that there are certain moments in my past that...tend to revisit me in my sleep, often. I don't really want to get into specifics right now, if that's okay."
"Oh, no, of course. I didn't mean to pry. I was just…" Hajime trailed off, realizing he really had no idea how to finish that sentence. Curious, maybe? Or was it more like...worried? That answer couldn't possibly have been more cryptic, and Hajime found himself more curious than ever about the mystery that was Nagito Komaeda.
"...I'm glad you're here, Hajime. I'm...grateful for your company."
Okay. At some point, Hajime's body was going to have to learn that Nagito said incredibly sweet and tender things like that far more freely and frequently than most people, and adjust its responses accordingly. But this was not yet that point, and Hajime felt the distinct sensation of his heart melting into a puddle of goo inside his chest.
He started to lean into Nagito, having entirely run out of the willpower that had been preventing him from kissing him again, but suddenly, he stopped short. He heard something, a sound from further down the beach. From the way Nagito jolted, it was clear he'd noticed it too.
Footsteps. They were no longer alone.
A quick glance down the beach identified the source of the footsteps - it was Chiaki Nanami, the Ultimate Gamer. She was staring off into space as she walked, clearly not having noticed them yet. What could she possibly be doing out there at this time of night?
Hajime and Nagito were both frozen. Chiaki might have seemed a little spacey, but it was unlikely that they would both be able to get up and out of her field of vision without alerting her to their presence. They were, essentially, sitting ducks.
Before either of them could do anything - not that there was much of anything they could have done anyway - Chiaki, still lost in thought, walked directly into Nagito. Jolting slightly, she looked down, and then she finally saw them. An incredibly painful awkward silence followed, during which Hajime could see the growing confusion plain as day on Chiaki's face.
"Oh, hi Hajime. And...Nagito?" If they had been in one of Chiaki's video games, there would have been a literal question mark hovering over her head. Hajime could almost see it now.
"Ah...hi, Chiaki," Hajime replied, desperately hoping she would walk away as soon as possible and then convince herself it had just been some sort of insomnia-induced hallucination.
That didn't seem likely, though. She tilted her head, studying the two boys curiously. "What are you two doing out here in the middle of the night?" Hajime could sense the unspoken "together" in that question.
It was strange, though - he couldn't explain it, but for some reason, he felt almost like they could trust her. Like out of all of the students there, she was the most likely to be understanding of this whole...whatever it was.
He glanced at Nagito for a second, and he nodded, almost imperceptibly. Were they possibly on the same page here somehow? Looking back at Chiaki, Hajime decided to take the risk.
"I, uh...went to Nagito's cottage a few hours ago. I just wanted to...talk to him. And then we wanted to get some fresh air, so...yeah." Okay, so maybe he wasn't quite ready to tell the whole truth. That version of events included 100% less kissing than the real story. But this whole... thing with Nagito...it was so new and so damn confusing. Hajime didn't even understand himself yet, he couldn't imagine trying to explain it to someone else.
Chiaki's head stayed tilted. Unfortunately, Hajime was starting to get the sense that her bullshit meter was finely-tuned. He held his breath imperceptibly, hoping she wouldn't call him out on it.
"...Oh, okay. I'm glad to hear that."
"...You are?" This came from both Hajime and Nagito simultaneously. They glanced at each other, and Hajime saw his own confusion mirrored on Nagito's face.
Chiaki turned to Nagito. "Yeah. Nagito, I don't think you're really a bad person. That's just how I feel. I'm glad Hajime is willing to give you a chance."
For once, Nagito was speechless. He opened his mouth a few times, but no words came out. Hajime couldn't blame him - he had no idea how to respond to that either. But if Chiaki was aware of the effect her words had had on them, she didn't let on, smiling abruptly.
"Well, I'm going to go now. I…" Her sentence was cut off by a massive yawn. "...Should really try to get some sleep. Be safe out here, okay?" She smiled softly and resumed her walking, leaving two stunned boys in her wake.
For a moment after Chiaki was gone, Hajime and Nagito just stared at each other, each having no idea what to make of what had just happened. Chiaki Nanami...She was starting to seem like more and more of a mystery, too.
Ultimately, they came to a wordless agreement that the easiest way to deal with it was simply not to. Hajime abruptly changed the subject. "We should probably get back, too. If you're ready."
Wordlessly, Nagito stood and offered his hand to Hajime. Considering that the two of them had literally been sleeping in the same bed earlier, such a simple and innocent gesture shouldn’t have flustered Hajime, but it did. It felt oddly intimate, even almost…romantic.
He knew he shouldn't be thinking that way, but on the other hand - if he was going to be self-destructive, he might as well commit, right? So he accepted Nagito's hand and stood. Together, still not speaking, they returned to Nagito's cottage.
Back in the cottage, back in their places on the bed, Hajime and Nagito just stared at each other for a moment. It seemed they had run out of words for the night. Hajime reached out and gently grabbed Nagito’s hand. Nagito jolted slightly, but quickly settled back down. It seemed like any gesture of affection or even just basic kindness was enough to startle Nagito, and it caused a pang in Hajime’s heart.
He stared at the ceiling, still holding Nagito's hand. This night...he knew it was going to change everything. He still didn't know how to feel about Nagito, he still wasn't anywhere close to unraveling the mysteries surrounding him. But one thing was certain - he couldn't deny the connection he felt between himself and Nagito. He couldn't deny it, and he didn't even want to. He wanted to indulge it, to fall head-first into it.
"...Goodnight, Hajime."
Hajime felt his face flush red. "... Goodnight, Nagito."
Hajime was in trouble. And he didn't care.