Chapter Text
It had started as minor bickering, back and forth between the two as they talked over a game of chess, when they somehow got on one of the recent away missions. Three were killed, and it had obviously upset his Captain.
Spock thought nothing of it; a lot of passengers have lost their lives in this five-year mission, and Spock knew that the Captain had seen worse, so he didn't think over his words and gave a simple reply.
“It is unfortunate,” Spock said, and continued with the game. And... That’s it. Jim seemed to wait for anything further, but they just sat in silence as Spock waited for his move.
“Captain?” He asked after a moment longer of silence.
“Mr. Spock, is that... It?” He had questioned back. Spock raised an eyebrow.
“What do you mean, Captain?”
Jim put one of his pawns on the higher levels. “I mean, they were brutally murdered, dried like a prune, and all you have to say is... ‘Unfortunate’?”
Spock moved his Bishop. “Well, I do not know what else there is to say, Captain. It is unfortunate they lost their lives, but saying anything further is unnecessary.”
Jim glared at him. “Could show some sort of sympathy, at least.” He said cooly, moving one of his knights and taking Spocks’ pawn. Spocks’ eyebrows turned in a slight frown. This is highly unusual of Jim.
“Sympathy is a human emotion.” He explained just as icy as he took the Knight with the Bishop.
Jim’s face contorted into something unpleasant, a look Spock hated to see on him. “Spock, you’re half human, so you must have something in there,” he gritted out as he moved another one of his Knights.
Spock shook his head. “Even if I did, I do not understand why it matters.” He had moved to pick up one of his rooks and Jim slammed his hand on the table.
“Three men have lost their lives, Mr. Spock, under my watch and all you can say is ‘unfortunate’?” He raised his voice, and Spock put his hand down on the table.
“Captain, I do not understand how my lack of sympathy could affect anything that has happened. It certainly won’t bring those men back.” He kept his voice leveled as he stared into his Captain’s eyes. He watched as his hazel eyes flashed with anger as he stood.
“It’s not about bringing them back, Commander, it’s about grief, or-or comfort. Do you not feel mournful in the slightest?” He asked, his hands on his hips. He was staring straight at Spock now, letting his genuine anger and unsettledness show.
“I feel that something could have been done differently, and that it is a shame it happened, but I didn’t know those men well, therefore-“ Jim cut him off.
“Mr. Spock, let me ask you a question; what would happen if something happened to Uhura? Or Bones? How would you react?”
Spock frowned more. This is so unlike the Captain.
“... I would feel upset.” He answered simply.
Jim’s nose flared. “‘Upset’? That’s 𝘪𝘵?” He asked. “Is it because you didn’t know them well or because you have no emotions?”
Spock stood to Jim’s level. “Captain, I don’t know how I have upset you-“
“Mr. Spock do you love? Or care? For anyone?” He cut him off again. He had his arms crossed, and he was looking more sad than angry as the seconds ticked by.
“Captain. I... I am a Vulcan. I cannot show those types of emotions.” He hesitated.
“Is that a no?”
“Captain-“
“Do you love 𝘮𝘦?”
The question left his mouth before he could stop himself. Spock watched as his eyes widened a fraction and his hand move to his mouth in disbelief. He turned away from Spock, and they sat in silence for a moment.
“... Mr. Spock, please forget this. I have been stressed, and I apologize for my outburst. It’s cruel of me and-“
“Yes.”
“What?”
Spock never turned his gaze away from him and watched as his eyes met his. His eyes morphed into ones of shock and disbelief and confusion, before settling on skeptical.
“I do, Captain. Love you, I mean.” Spock answered. He meant it. The Vulcan had loved the Captain for a long time, too much time to count, and it was the one emotion he was sure of at this point. He thought it was obvious. Sure, he was Vulcan but others have noticed.
“No... No, no, you’re joking,” Jim said as he tried to smile lightly. It looked like a pained grimace, and Spock tilted his head in confusion.
“Vulcans do not ‘joke’, Captain.” He explained simply.
“Then you’re lying,” he said as he wrapped his arms around his torso.
“They do not do that either.” Spock walked around the table to where Jim stood and looked deeper into those eyes. “... You do not believe me. Why?”
“Mr. Spock. C’mon.” his eyes watered as his eyes turned to ones of hurt. Spock’s frown was impossibly deeper.
Spock took Jim’s shoulder in hand. “But I do, Captain. It should be a known fact.”
“But Spock, you’re Vulcan, you-you can’t,” he looked down at the floor then, and Spock was glad he didn’t move from the contact.
“Yes, they can. It’s different from humans, sure, but the fact remains; I do love you.”
Spock felt his shoulders shake, and he realized that he’s crying. He quickly pulled Jim into a hug and rubbed his back.
“𝘑𝘪𝘮,” he whispers.
Jim sniffed and quickly clenched his shirt tightly. “For clarification, is this of the romantic kind?” He asked.
Spock nodded. “Yes, Jim. I thought it was obvious.” He breathed.
Jim laughed. “Not really, Mr. Spock. I’m still not sure I believe you.”
Spock hummed. He could understand, a little, why that was. To Spock, and to every Vulcan, he showed a lot of emotion. It was distasteful, even disgusting, especially with his attraction to Jim, and it took him a long time to get to a point where he stopped caring how much he showed. He loved Jim, that wasn't bad, plus, it didn't make him any less logical. If anything, Jim helps him relax and sort his thoughts, which is great in certain situations. But, Jim being the emotional, observant yet oblivious human he is, needed a more direct show of feelings, which Spock regretfully didn't realize until he was crying in his chest, and couldn't give until he couldn't believe him.
They stood in silence for a couple of seconds, 14.65 seconds exactly, but Spock wasn't counting, before Kirk spoke.
"Sorry," he muttered. "For my emotional outburst. It's been very... Stressful, recently."
"I understand. I.. Hope, that my feelings for you helps somehow...?" Spock replies, ending in a question. He opted to try again. He cleared his throat.
"I hope that you now know that you mean a great amount to me, Jim, and that in any situation I want you to feel your best." He nodded internally, that was better.
Jim nodded.
"I... Thank you, Spock."
"Yes, Captain." Spock released a breath. He's showing so much emotion, the things this man does to him. But he knew that he wasn't done yet. Clarification was always key in situations like this.
He cleared his throat again. "... Captain. I hope that your knowledge of the nature of my feelings for you doesn't make the relationship between us uncomfortable, or strained, and that we can continue to be friends." Friends. If Spock didn't know any better he was sure Jim is his first true friend. This man is emotional, and understanding, and had welcomed him while others shunned him, helped him slowly start the journey of acknowledging his human side, and is the best Captain he could ask to serve under. For lack of better terms, Spock is sure his heart would stop pumping blood if he had broken that trust.
Jim stilled and stiffened in his arms, and began to rigidly pull away from him, just enough to look at Spock face to face. His eyes were puffy and red, his cheeks stained with his tears, and his features were contorted into a look of confusion, shock, and exasperated disbelief.
Spock lifted an eyebrow.
"... Captain?"
"Wh.. How... H-wh-Spock!"
"What is the problem Captain?" He asked.
Jim was looking over the others face, looking for something and coming up short, he snorted.
"Mr. Spock. You can't be serious."
Spock just became more confused.
"Jim, I do not believe I understand. What are you getting at?"
Jim shook his head. "It's just- I mean, you... Mr. Spock, you just confessed your love for me and I 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 and you think I don't feel the same way?"
Spock raised an eyebrow. "... Do you?"
"... No, Mr. Spock, of course not. It's not like I've been in love with you for this whole five year mission and spend most of my time with you and wish to spend the rest of my days by your side and-"
Spock rolled his eyes.
"𝘑𝘪𝘮."
Jim huffed a laugh. "I do, Spock. You have no idea."
Spock let his lips quirk into a rare smile.
Jim's eyes widened and his face turned red. "Well, kiss me before I change my mind, Mr. Spock!"
Spock tilted his head. ".. Human or..?"
Jim groaned before taking Spock's head into his hands and giving Spock the first and best kiss of his life.
Oh 𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘬, help him.