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She hated when he did that.
She hated it because it was quite hypnotic- distracting enough that it made her mind drift between how good of a kisser he might be, all the way to how good he could be at… other things.
And then those thoughts - thoughts about his mouth, his tongue, his lips on her own, on her skin - would slip into her mind whenever he was near her and make her blush and get all flustered in a way she didn’t recognize.
Which was what Jyn hated the most. That was so not like her.
She didn’t think he was aware he did it, nor the effect it had on her.
It was an unconscious habit, and the fact that she had listed the situations in which he did it was the epitome of how much the image of him - particularly him doing that - wandered through her mind.
Jyn had noticed that he did it when he was concentrating, when something was bothering him, when he was planning their next move, when he was biting back words he wasn’t sure would be well received, and her favorite, when he tried to hold back a smile.
Which was exactly what had happened during dinner, when Jyn and K2 were once again bickering about how the last mission had gone sideways and whose fault it was that their hideout had been compromised.
Cassian, amused and trying to hide it, pressed his tongue against his cheek, pursed his mouth slightly, and then briefly ran his tongue over his lips.
And Jyn was gone.
“I will take your silence as an acceptance of my argument,” said the droid, turning around and leaving without waiting for a response.
Jyn just scoffed and returned to her meal, forcing herself to concentrate on the food rather than the man sitting across from her.
“I never thought I'd see the day you wouldn't want to have the last word against K2," Bodhi said, smiling at her
"I'm tired," Jyn shrugged.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Cassian’s voice made her insides flutter, suddenly making her far too aware of her previous thoughts. “You seem distracted.”
'Yeah. And it’s entirely your fault, damn it.'
“I’m fine. Just tired,” she said. “I think I’ll call it a night. Bye.”
She picked up her tray and stood, heading for the exit and dropping it at a nearby deposit. She could still feel Cassian’s stare fixed on her back.
“Don’t worry.”
Bodhi’s voice made Cassian turn his head away from the door Jyn had walked through moments ago.
“I’m sure she is fine. You don’t have to worry.”
“You really think so?” Cassian asked, “What if she’s feeling unwell or something? She seemed… agitated.”
“I’m sure it had nothing to do with an illness,” Bodhi said, clearly amused, a smirk tugging at his lips.
Cassian frowned. “What do you mean?”
That only made Bodhi laugh softly.
“Cassian, you’re an intelligence officer,” he said, standing up. “Figure it out.”
He raised his eyebrows at him, smiled, and walked away – leaving a very confused and entirely clueless captain at the table.
The next time she saw him do the thing was during a briefing.
Draven had decided to go with a plan for the next mission – one that Cassian and the rest of Rogue One clearly disagreed with.
This time, it was a this-is-bothering-me-and-I-can’t-say-anything.
It wasn’t her favorite.
But did that stop her from thirsting over him?
Nope.
“Erso! Draven’s voice cut through her thoughts, sharp and annoyed, “Is this mission too boring for you?”
“No, sir. Sorry,” she said quickly.
Draven just gave her an unimpressed look and went back to issuing instructions.
Okay, this was getting out of hand. She had to do something about it – but what?
It wasn’t like she could just walk up to Cassian and say, Hey, I think I’m in love with you, so could you please stop doing that thing you do with your lips because it’s driving me completely insane?
So, she did the next thing her mind could come up with.
Avoid him.
It had been almost three weeks, and somehow she had managed to stay as far away from Cassian as possible – considering she was often sent on missions with him, and ate every meal at the same table.
Luckily, the rest of Rogue One was usually there too. But they were starting to notice.
Bodhi had spoken to her about it, telling her it wasn’t fair to him or to her, and that it wasn’t doing her nay good. He’d pointed out that if they had noticed, Cassian probably had too.
She was still turning this over in her head on her way to get some food when, suddenly, Chirrut appeared at her side, emerging out of nowhere.
“Jyn Erso”
“Hey she greeted. “You going to eat?”
“Why are you avoiding Cassian?”
The question almost made her trip.
“What are you talking about?” she asked, trying to sound casual
“Avoiding him is no way to get rid of your feelings. It won’t do any good for your heart. Talk to him. You might get something good out of it.”
He turned into the next hallway and disappeared into the crowd, as quickly as he had appeared.
That man would always be a mystery to Jyn. But he was right. She knew that. Repressing her feelings was no way to deal with them, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything to Cassian. Just thinking of standing in front of him, watching his reaction as she told him, and then enduring him saying he was not interested.
Ugh. No.
And speak of the devil, there he was, surrounded by a few soldiers in the canteen. He looked towards the door and locked eyes with her. His eyes seemed to light up and she did the most chicken thing ever and turned around to leave.
Since when was she a coward? She seemed like an anxious teenager in love.
She hesitated for a moment, torn between turning back or just keeping on walking, but eventually decided to at least retain some dignity and keep going.
She was almost at her quarters when she felt a hand on her shoulder, turning her around, only to find it belonged to Cassian.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked bluntly, his brow furrowed.
“Excuse me?” The suddenness of it pulled her out of her thoughts, and only then did she realize how close he was – close enough to almost corner her between himself and the door. It made it even harder to think straight.
He seemed upset, and before she could answer anything, he did it. He did the thing again.
She had never seen it this close, damn it. Jyn felt every coherent thought fly out of her head, her gaze dropping helplessly to his lips. And, as often happens when you repress emotions, these tend to rush back all at once.
“Could you please stop doing that?” She almost shouted, frustration spilling out after holding it for far too long.
Now he was the one taken aback. Cassian took a step back.
Don’t step back, Jyn thought
“Doing what?”
“The thing you do with your tongue and your lips! She blurted, “Stop doing that! It’s hot and distracting – fuck”
Silence fell between them. Cassian seemed to be taking it all in, a mix of emotions crossing his face: shock, confusion, until he seemed flustered.
Jyn let out a frustrated sound and turned to open her quarters door, but before she could step inside, he finally spoke.
“It’s not something conscious,” he said sheepishly, “it’s like… a tic, I guess.”
She turned back once more to face him.
“I know,” Jyn said, calmer now.
“So… that’s why you’ve been avoiding me?”
“No – I mean, yes. It’s part of it. But it’s not just that.”
She took a deep breath, so she was doing this. It was already too late to back out anyway. Here goes nothing.
“I have feelings for you, Cassian. I don’t know exactly when it started, or how. I just… “She swallowed. “I’m in love with you.”
She looked up at him just in time to catch his tongue pressing against his cheek again.
“Okay” she muttered, exasperated. “Now you’re just being cruel.”
“No – no! I’m not,” he said quickly. “I told you, it’s not something cons – “He stopped, running a hand through his hair. “God Jyn, I don’t know when it happened for me either. Maybe the first time I saw you take down a squad of stormtroopers on your own. Or somewhere between the times I’ve fought at your side.”
He met her eyes.
“The point is… I love you too.”
He smiled at her stunned expression and stepped closer – close enough that their noses brushed.
Jyn tilted her head instinctively, and Cassian took the invitation.
The kiss was slow at first, almost hesitant, like he was still giving her time to pull away. As if that would happen.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and he let out a soft groan against her lips. His hand slid to her waist guiding her backwards until they crossed the threshold of her quarters.
The door closed behind her with a quiet thud as he pressed her gently against it, the kiss deepening.
Jyn let out a small, involuntary sound when her back met the door.
Cassian felt her smile against his lips, a soft, breathy laugh slipped out of her. He pulled back just enough to look at her, brows knitting slightly.
“What?” He asked, his voice rough.
Jyn smirked, eyes flicking briefly to his mouth before meeting his gaze again
“I was just thinking how right I was,” she said lightly
“About…?”
“You being a goddamn great kisser.”
His reaction was instant. A slow grin spread across his face, unguarded and devastatingly genuine. Gods. She had never seen him smile like that.
She could get used to it.
He tilted his head slightly, tongue pressing against his cheek again, the corner of his mouth quirking up.
“There it is, once more,” she murmured.
This time, though, he didn’t even try to hide it. His grin turned unapologetic.
“So,” he said quietly, “that’s distracting for you, huh?”
“Don’t get cocky,” she warned, though she was smiling now, too. “No one can know about that.”
He let out a soft laugh. “Jyn… I’m pretty sure at least Bodhi’s known for weeks.”
“Shut up”, she said, cutting him off by grabbing the front of his jacket and pulling him back into another kiss.
It was deeper this time, more certain – until it slowly softened again, turning unhurried and warm.
There was time.
There was so much time.