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A scream pierced through the night.
Regulus sat bolt upright, searching for the cause of this fear. Looking to his left, he noticed that he was alone in bed, which was highly unusual. He grabbed his wand from his nightstand, preparing himself mentally, as much as is possible, to face the reality of an intruder, or whatever may lay ahead.
He crept into the hallway, eyes adjusting to the darkness more and more. Another scream, and this time Regulus was sure it was coming from James. Throwing caution to the wind, he ran downstairs, prepared to die if it meant ending that blood-curdling sound. It continued, and he reached the downstairs.
His heart felt so, so heavy, and he hadn’t even seen what’d started all this yet. He threw open the door to the living room, as he’d identified that the sound is coming from there.
“James! What’s going- where is-“ Regulus stopped.
What he stumbled in on was somewhat…peculiar. It was not what he thought he would find, to say the least. He had expected an escaped death eater or two seeking revenge - maybe a random lunatic who had happened to pick them as a target, but not…not this.
What he saw was James, asleep on the couch, tossing fitfully in deep sleep, with a sheen of sweat covering his forehead. Tears were streaming down his face, still flowing.
Regulus immediately dropped to his knees by James, putting his hand to his sticky forehead.
“Oh, baby. Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay. Wake up, you’re just having a nightmare. Come on, love.”
He shook James firmly, who immediately sat bolt upright, almost knocking headfirst into Regulus.
“Where am I? What- I- I’m- Regulus?”
“You were having a nightmare, sweetheart. You woke me up with your screams, so I came down here to check on you.”
James blinked once. Twice.
“Oh. I- I remember now. I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to bother you. I was just feeling…,” he glances down, twiddling his thumbs, “down, again. I came down here to lay down, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’m sorry I woke you, I didn’t realize,” James admitted.
Regulus looked at James softly, sympathetic eyes, “Why wouldn’t you wake me? We could’ve sat up together and watched a movie or something. You know I don’t mind.”
“I know, I know. I just don’t want to fuck up your sleep schedule all the time because I’m being a burden. I thought if I could handle it myself that I would feel more…independent? You know I hate feeling like you take care of me. And before you ask, yes, I’ve been taking my meds,” James exhaled.
“That’s a lot for me to take in. Could you just give me a sec?”
James waited, and Regulus began to pick at the skin around his nails. James took his hands, holding them gently to still this - a little routine of theirs. Regulus looked up at him and gave a small smile.
“Okay. I think I’m ready now. First off, it’s my sleep schedule. I decide how it works. That’s my own personal decision, and I’m so, so happy to change it up a little if it means I get to spend time helping you. Secondly, you are one of the most independent people I know. Starting your own sports business, albeit with my idiot brother, at twenty one ? Do you know how risky that was?”
James wiped a couple of the strays tears from his face, giving a sheepish grin, a faint blush littering his cheeks.
Regulus continued, “And for it to be successful? What a feat. You handle all of your own meds, and I know that’s a big deal for you. You also make sure all of our friends and family are safe and happy, plan all of the weekend get togethers, and take care of me in so many little ways that I probably don’t even notice.”
James’ face darkened once again.
“You don’t get it, though. I just feel…wrong,” James responded, eyes still sad.
Regulus felt his words pierce through his heart, but was careful not to show it on his face.
“But you’re so right. In all the ways one can be. And you’re right, I don’t know how you feel. But it’s important that you tell me, because I do my best to try. And I love you so, so much.,” Regulus said fiercely squeezing James hands, which still held his, “So, if you feel up to sharing, what were you feeling so down about that you felt you couldn’t wake me?”
“I…I just. I just feel, sometimes, like the world is on my shoulders. Like I’m responsible for everyone we know’s emotions, and that if they feel sad, whether it be to do with me or not, that it’s somehow my fault.”
James paused, collecting the last of his thoughts, clearly nervous about what he was saying.
“It’s as if I’m last on my own priority list. And I love taking care of them, I do, but occasionally the noise becomes too much to drown out.”
“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” Regulus asked, ever so gently.
“No, no, nothing like that. I just wish that I could, I don’t know, sleep? Sleep for a year, or something. I just need a mental…vacation,” James sighed.
“That all sounds like a lot. I felt, while not exactly like that, pretty similar after I first left Grimmauld. And it…it helped to talk to someone. Even if I was a little embarrassed, at first. I still go, when I need it, which you know. I think maybe tomorrow we should call and see about an appointment for you too, if that’s okay?”
“That…do you really think that would help?”
“I think that as much as you might not want to admit it, you know that someone with as many problems as me might not be the best solution to fixing yours,” Regulus answered, a joking smirk gracing his features.
“What? That’s crazy talk,” James snorted, beaming tenderly, “You’re perfect.”
“Maybe I’ll book an appointment too. Talking to someone whose hands you don’t have to hold to calm them mid-discussion might be your safest bet, at least for now.”
“But they fit so perfectly in mine!”
Regulus laughed, pulling James into his side for a cuddle. James immediately followed suit, wrapping his arms around Regulus’ middle.
“Want to watch a movie? You’ll have to set it up, the Telly-Version is still new to me, James.”
“I’m happy just how we are. I just love you so much.”
Regulus smiled.
“I love you, too.”