Chapter Text
“Koyomi. I’m a little disappointed.”
Senjougahara slid the bathroom door behind her shut as she spoke with the same incredulous monotone she had been speaking for what Araragi could only assume has been her last twelve lifetimes. He always imagined her to be the type of person who refused to stay dead long. He had already seen her live several lives since he learned of her existence.
“I really can’t fathom what would be upsetting you right now.”
“Narrow minded as always, are you not aware of the cost of insulin in North America?”
Regardless of how convinced she was concerning his intelligence, he was fairly confident that wasn’t the right answer.
——They have to pay for insulin?
The tapping of bare feet on tile echoed through the misty air. The girl stopped just short of the bathtub, placing her hands on her hips as she stared down at Araragi. The moment he looked up he instinctually sank deeper into the water.
“…”
Even though the image of her naked body had been completely and thoroughly imprinted on his psyche since the day they met, he still couldn’t stand existing when it was presented in front of him so brazenly.
“I simply don’t understand your mind at all. How many locks are on the bathroom door, Araragi?”
Hearing his last name stung.
It surely would have done double damage if he was looking at her leaning closer to him.
After a moment’s silence, he could only mutter “just a couple.”
“There’s seven. How many people can you fit in that tub?”
Three more moments of complete silence.
His eyes drifted a little in her direction, only to snap back to the wall when he saw her bare chest at eye level.
“A few—“
“—Two is a tight fit. I simply don’t understand your frame of reference. When you said I held too many school supplies. The time you cleaned Kanbaru’s room. How many times you can ████ ██ ████ in just 10 minutes.”
“Now hold on a second!” Araragi shot upright, clutching at the edge of the bath as though he was a defendant pleading his case on the stand. “Perhaps we can’t see eye to eye on everything, but bringing up anything that requires black bars is total foul! You can put anything under there to make me look bad!”
“I was hoping to get a flattering misdirect off, but I suppose I’ll have to change it to making me weep instead.”
The roladex in his brain of four letter words sounded like a jet engine.
With a sigh Senjougahara finally lifted herself into the bath, delicately forcing her way between Araragi’s legs to sit face to face. Although her body was obscured by the water now, it was still difficult for him to look at her.
Maybe she was right. The tub usually felt so roomy, but sharing it with her for the first time felt like there wasn’t enough room on the planet for them to be a comfortable distance apart.
“I wasn’t mad about it,” she began lamenting. “I’m just a little let down that we couldn’t fit at least one other person in here. It would have been fun.”
With the roladex of mutual friends now running, his brain hit the decibel level of a black hole.
Outside of his mind, however, it was dead silent by comparison. The sound of Senjougahara splashing herself with water finally prompted him to take a good look at her.
She looked genuinely upset?
“I forgot to rinse off first.”
Now that she mentioned it.
Even if it was a downgrade that could be considered relatively recent she did only have a shower in her home. It made sense that she would forget standard procedure. It also made sense why she seemed so interested when Araragi mentioned how he would bathe with his sisters at home.
‘—You bathe with them? Together? How often? Until when? When was the last time? How old were you? How old were they? Had you already hit puberty?—‘
He wanted to hope that was the reason.
“Since the water is already wasted, let’s do it American style.”
“——Time out!!”
His knuckles were white as he gripped the edge of the tub, and his panic sent a tidal wave crashing to the ground.
“Can you please not dump all the water out before we finish?”
She wasn’t going to elaborate?!
“Senjo— Hitagi, I admit you’re more worldly and well-travelled than me, but I really can’t imagine what an American would be doing differently in this situation. If you would be ever so kind to explain it to me, I would greatly appreciate it.”
Fake humility was an interesting move to make in the situation, but it wasn’t like any other move felt natural to him right now.
“Americans wash themselves inside the bath.”
Ah.
“Koyomi, I can’t believe an innocent shared bath with your voluptuous and shameless girlfriend still isn’t enough to make you stop thinking about the dirty magazines under your mattress.”
How is he not supposed to think about them when his voluptuous and shameless girlfriend is sitting naked in a bathtub with him?!
Moreover!
“There are no magazines under my mattress!”
“Well, not anymore.”
“You moved them?!”
Senjougahara stood up, Araragi freezing in place as she left the bath in search of the soap and a wash bucket.
“Not that it makes much sense to me, but no, Americans just wash themselves all in one go. Maybe they do shower first, or after. I wouldn’t know.”
As she spoke she returned to the water, this time forcing Araragi forward so she could sit behind him. Slowly she let the bucket fill with water.
“I suppose we can still wash ourselves after, but it’s a little luxurious to wash yourself right in the water, right? The waste of excess and all that. Sit up straight.”
As one would at the request of Senjougahara Hitagi, he complied wordlessly. She held the bucket up the male’s nape, and tipped just enough to let it slowly pour down his back. With the water warm like this, it did feel rather different.
“But you’re washing yourself in your own filth, aren’t you?”
The comparatively cool bar of soap sent a shiver down his spine when it touched him, but it was soon soothed by Hitagi’s touch as she massaged the bubbles into his skin.
“I’m washing you in your filth. Even if I were to not shower for a month straight merely a day of your sin would take twenty times longer to sufficiently wash clean. But as your loving partner, I will carry the burden of licking you clean if it meant I could meet you in the afterlife.”
There was a lot to unpack in that monologue. It would probably take twice as long as that theoretical bath if Araragi were brave enough to do it.
No, there was no need.
Regardless of what sin she was forcing on him against his will, it said more that she would go so far for him. Senjougahara Hitagi was one to exaggerate, but it didn’t necessarily meant she was a liar.
Slowly and warmly, she slid closer to him, pressing herself against his back as she wrapped him into a hug.
Araragi smiled as he spoke.
“Well, we can just take a second bath then.”
Senjougahara responded in kind.
“And then we can do it American style.”