Chapter Text
Can a dream in this world become reality in another?
Only Yashiro knows.
Caress of the Evening Sun
“How long has it been since we did this?”
“About a year, I think.”
“Really? It feels like it’s been a lot longer than that. So much has happened.”
Adachi said nothing, but nodded in agreement. Her attention was focused on the tiny plastic ball approaching her. Once it came close enough she hit it with the paddle in her left hand, bouncing it across the table back to me.
It was true, we had met for the first time in this very spot right here on the second floor of the gym after last year’s summer break. Even so, I found it hard to imagine a time when Adachi hadn’t been by my side. It was so easy to picture the two of us as children, at times running around laughing as we explored the world and at others sitting quietly together making things out of clay.
Swinging the paddle in my right hand, I sent the ball flying towards her. She hit it again, this time at a precise angle to give the ball a bit of spin as it came back to my side of the net. When it struck the table, it bounced sideways causing my swing to miss and scoring her a point. She was getting a lot better at that.
"Heh, looks like I win." She seemed quite satisfied with herself.
"Congratulations, but it's not fair of you to go off and practice without me." I decided to tease her bit to mask my frustration at the widening skill gap between us. It worked, and her smug expression quickly became a frown.
"I just wanted to impress you…" she replied sullenly.
"Well in that case, consider me impressed." I continued to tease her for a bit. "Since you won, what would you like for your reward?"
"There's a reward?"
"Yep. You can have whatever you want."
"Then, could you… pat my head?"
Adachi looked away as she spoke, as if she were embarrassed by her own words. Honestly it was a bit embarrassing for me too, being asked by another girl my own age to pat her head like a child. Fortunately I was already used to doing this sort of thing with my little sister, and given what I knew of Adachi’s family I didn't mind coddling her every now and then.
"If that's what you want then I guess it's okay."
Adachi lowered her head as I made my way around the ping-pong table to where she was standing. I lifted my hand to pat her, and as my fingers touched her hair she leaned forward into them. She seemed to quite enjoy the feeling of my hand rubbing her head and smiled softly as she stood there.
“Thanks, Big Sis.”
“I’m pretty sure I told you not to call me that at school.”
“I know… but there’s no one else here.”
While she wasn’t wrong, that wasn’t really the issue. Besides, I thought we were well past that by now. Maybe she was just feeling insecure today and wanted to feel like she had a loving big sister to rely on. In the end I guess it didn’t really matter. I was here for her either way.
“Well, I don’t really mind anyway,” I reassured her.
Stepping closer she wrapped her arms around me. With one hand still patting her head I hugged her with the other.
“I love you, Big Sis.”
What’s gotten into you today, Adachi? I blushed, this was starting to be a bit much.
“Come on… you say it too.”
Oh, I give up. Would it really be so bad if she wanted to be my little sister today? It didn’t seem like much would change if she did.
“I love you too, Little Sis.” I stopped patting her so that I could hug her tightly with both arms. There, There. Everything’s okay.
“Big Sis!”
Adachi lifted her hand into the air and, curling it into a ball, brought it down on my head.
“Ow!” I cried. That hurt!
“Big Sis! Big Sis!” she yelled again, now hitting me repeatedly with both hands.
“Ow! Ow! Ow!” I shouted again as I pushed my little sister away and sat up. Rubbing my head, I gave her a puzzled look. “What was that for…?” I asked groggily.
“That’s what I want to know!” she exclaimed as she stood up and crossed her arms. “I mean… I do love you, sis…” she continued, shyly turning her head. “But I’m too old for that stuff now…”
What on earth was she even talking about? I looked down at my futon which was completely disheveled as though I had been tossing and turning all night. Did I have some kind of weird dream? I tried my best to remember, but my mind was completely blank. Whatever the dream had been, it was gone forever now.
“I know!” my little sister exclaimed as she turned to leave our room. “I’ll ask Santa to bring you a body pillow this year so you can hold it when you get lonely at night!”
As she left I jumped up to chase after her. There was going to be a hefty punishment for that last comment.
Fridays were one of the hardest days for me to stay awake during class. All I could think about after an entire week of tiresome lessons was going home and sleeping until Monday. Of course, my mother and sister always interfered with my plans, and lately a third girl had been joining their efforts. Then there was Adachi…
Needless to say I would not be getting nearly as much rest this weekend as I hoped.
At least the autumn air was nice. It was warm, but unlike the crushing heat of summer this felt like a soft, familiar old blanket that wrapped around my entire body. It was very relaxing, and as such was not conducive to furthering my education.
Fourth period had finally ended and now it was time for lunch. I started counting down the seconds: three… two… one… now! Right on cue, Adachi appeared beside my desk, which I was laying my head on while using my arms as a pillow.
“Do you mind if we eat together, Shimamura?”
We had been going out with each other since summer vacation, and yet she still asked me this almost every day. For a moment I wondered how she would react if I said no. The way she looked whenever she got flustered was always so adorable that sometimes I would tease her just to watch. Fortunately for her I had no energy for such things today, so I chose to simply give her a smile instead.
“Sure, what do you want to eat?” It seemed like a perfectly natural question to me but apparently Adachi hadn’t been prepared for it so she ended up getting a little flustered anyway.
“Umm… I hadn’t really thought about it… so… whatever you want is fine…”
“How about we just go buy some bread then?”
“That’s fine…” Adachi nodded as she regained her composure. Then, after a slight pause she added, “actually, let’s go to the cafeteria. Yeah, a table would be better.”
The tables, and not the food itself, were what made her pick the cafeteria? Adachi certainly was a strange one, although I didn’t dislike that about her. I had originally suggested getting bread out of sheer lethargy but to be honest it didn’t really matter to me one way or the other.
“Okay then, shall we?” Pushing myself up from the desk I stood next to her. It was at that moment that I noticed she was holding a plastic bag.
“What’s that?” I asked her, pointing to the bag.
“Strawberry shortcake,” she replied matter-of-factly.
“Strawberry shortcake?” I repeated in surprise. “Did you bring it for me?”
“I was hoping we could eat it together.”
“I don't have a problem with that, but isn’t it kind of unusual to bring a cake to school?”
She tilted her head to the side. “Is it?”
“Definitely,” I nodded. “Is there something special about today?”
Adachi looked down away from me. “No, not particularly.”
“Hmmmmm.” I wasn’t so sure about that. Still, if Adachi just wanted to eat cake with me then who was I to refuse? “Well, if you say so,” I replied with a smile.
With that, the two of us headed for the cafeteria where we got our food, found an empty table, and ate lunch. I couldn’t help but smile at how content Adachi looked as she sat across the table in front of me. We didn’t talk about much, in fact we usually didn’t, but the quietness between us didn't feel awkward. We each simply enjoyed being in the other’s presence.
Once we had finished eating and set our trays aside, Adachi removed a small box and a pair of forks from the plastic bag she had been carrying and set them on the table. I immediately recognized the logo on the box, it was from the same bakery where mom always bought our New Year's cakes. It was definitely out of the ordinary for Adachi to suddenly buy one and bring it to school.
I had heard that when some people started dating they got so excited that they celebrated every month like it was their anniversary. Knowing Adachi, I wouldn't have put it past her to do that but it wasn't the right day for it. Not to mention she had already told me that today wasn't any sort of special occasion. In a way, being strange was normal behavior for her, especially when it came to me. Maybe this was just another case of Adachi being Adachi and I should just go along with it. Besides, she looked very pleased with herself as she carefully took the cake out of the box and set it in the middle of the table between us, so I certainly didn't mind humoring her. Despite not having any particular decorations or writing on it, it did look quite nice and based on its size the two of us would have no difficulty eating all of it right now.
“Please help yourself,” she smiled softly as she handed one of the forks to me.
“Thanks,” I smiled back. “Looks good, let’s eat!”
Adachi nodded in agreement and picked up her fork, but instead of taking a bite she simply watched me as I cut off a piece and lifted it to my mouth. Soon the soft and fluffy texture of the sponge cake, perfectly balanced with lightly sweetened whipped cream and fresh strawberries danced across my taste buds. “Delicious,” I grinned.
“I’m glad you like it,” Adachi replied, her smile spreading wider. I didn’t know what had brought this on, but it warmed my heart to see her so happy.
"Aren't you going to eat any?" She was still staring at me as I took another bite but had yet to try it herself.
"Actually… I have one more request."
"Oh?" I could see Adachi start to bite her lower lip nervously as her face began to turn red.
"I-is it okay if we…"
"Yes?"
Adachi took a deep breath, shut her eyes tightly, and bowed her head towards me.
"Isitokayifweholdhands?" She blurted out the question so fast that it took me a minute to understand what she was asking. Adachi was being very strange today, even for her. Not that her wanting to hold my hand was strange, she usually did. She had gotten pretty good about asking permission first too. No, it was strange for her to be this worked up about it. Not that Adachi getting all worked up was strange either, but lately it seemed to take more than just holding my hand to fluster her. I was getting the idea that there was more going on here than she was telling me, but I also suspected that she would run away if I confronted her about it. I decided the best thing to do for now would be to just go along with her. It’s not like I minded holding her hand. In fact I liked it, which made sense considering I was dating her after all. If I didn’t then I would be the strange one.
“Sure,” I answered her as I leaned forward slightly. I was still holding the fork in my right hand so I reached across the table with my left. Mirroring me, Adachi leaned forward and reached her right hand toward mine. Our fingers met in the middle, next to the cake, and intertwined with each other. Her hand was soft and warm, and as we touched I could feel her begin to relax. With our palms facing down we placed our hands on the table and our fingers wove together to form a bridge that connected us. Finally Adachi lifted the fork in her left hand and took a bite of the cake. If I had to choose one word to describe the look on Adachi’s face right now it would be “bliss”.
Still, holding hands while sharing a cake right here in the cafeteria surrounded by other students was a little bit embarrassing. As usual, Adachi was completely oblivious to our surroundings and looked at me as though I were the only thing in her world. I, on the other hand, was unable to tune everything else out and I could feel my body temperature rise the more I thought about where we were and what we were doing. If the other students looked at us right now I wondered what they would see. Definitely not two girls who were just good friends. More like a lovey-dovey couple.
Lovey-dovey. Those were the words Pancho had used to describe us during the school trip last week. As Adachi and I continued eating the cake together I found my mind wandering back to the conversation I’d had with Pancho at the old hotel. It had been quite a shock to run into one of the girls in our group when I left the room that morning to get some breakfast for Yashiro. Almost as shocking as the conversation itself.
Hey, err. Adachi and you, are you… like that? Had it really been so obvious? Looking at us now I realized it probably was. She'd promised that she wouldn’t say anything and she seemed trustworthy but at the rate we were going there would probably be rumors circulating about us soon anyway. Well, I knew it would happen eventually but it’s no less embarrassing to think about. Still, I wasn’t expecting there to be another girl in our class who also liked girls. Wait, was I saying that I liked girls? I liked Adachi and she was very much a girl but did I like her because she was a girl or because she was Adachi? I hadn’t been able to answer Pancho when she asked me and I still couldn’t. Although she had been right about one thing, I did sometimes think about how pretty other girls were. Especially Adachi.
In a way I felt bad for Pancho. Here I was still questioning whether or not I was like that despite already having a girlfriend whereas she didn't have one even though she clearly wanted to. Without having another girl confess to her first and understandably unable to bring the topic up with her friends for fear of the consequences that would come if she got rejected, Pancho was left keeping her true desires hidden from everyone around her. She was only able to share her thoughts with me because she believed I was like her and she wanted the type of relationship Adachi and I had.
Our conversation continued to replay in my mind. You ever stare at a girl's chest and think like ‘I want to sque- I want to touch those?’ Have you ever seen her naked? Adachi, that is? If I hadn't already been blushing from what we were doing in the school cafeteria, I definitely was now as I recalled more of the questions Pancho had asked me. To think that all this time there had been a girl in our class who secretly imagined such things about her female classmates. I wondered, had she ever fantasized about me like that?
Ha ha, as if! I silently laughed to myself. Why would she want to look at me? Adachi's a lot prettier than I am!
Then it hit me: Adachi was prettier than me.
Like a freight truck that sends the main character to another world in a fantasy manga, the realization delivered me to an unfamiliar place from which I could not return. If there was a girl in our class who liked other girls, who daydreamed about undressing and intimately touching other female students, then out of all the girls around her she would most definitely have turned her eyes towards the prettiest one: Adachi.
My girlfriend.
I froze with my fork held in mid-air while a cold chill ran down my spine as if someone had poured ice cubes down the back of my uniform. I could feel something in the pit of my stomach spread upwards through my chest as the muscles in my throat began to tighten. I had felt sadness plenty of times before. Anger as well. This feeling was neither of those and it was one I was much less familiar with. As it squeezed my chest so hard that I thought I would be unable to breathe a single word appeared in my mind: jealousy.
This feeling was mostly new to me. Growing up I had never really had anything to be jealous over, and the careful distance I now maintained with everyone around me ensured that no one would ever get hurt. That is, until I met her. For better or worse, I could no longer deny the simple fact that Adachi had changed me. It hurt, and I didn’t know what to do.
"Shimamura?" Adachi asked with a worried expression. I don't know if what she noticed was the color draining from my face, or the tears starting to well up in my eyes, or my fingers squeezing hers more tightly, but she could tell something wasn't right. I opened my mouth to reply but no sound would come out.
I just don’t want you to cheat on me. You’re my girlfriend now. This was how she felt when she had said those words. This was how she felt when I talked to other girls. This was how she felt when I wasn’t with her. My girlfriend was jealous, and this was how she felt.
I hated it. I didn't want to feel this way, and I didn't want Adachi to keep feeling like this either. For myself, I knew all I had to do was calm down and think. It wasn't fair of me to be upset with Pancho when she hadn’t actually done anything wrong. She seemed like a good person, once she found out that Adachi and I were a couple she had gone out of her way to help us have some privacy during the rest of the trip by keeping Sancho and De Los occupied.
Also, there was still a possibility that I had jumped to conclusions about her. While she had clearly been intrigued by the idea of two girls dating each other, she never explicitly stated that she was attracted to them herself. In any case, I got the impression that she was quietly cheering us on from the sidelines, and even if she had thought anything indecent about either of us in the past I was fairly certain that she would respectfully turn her fantasies elsewhere from here on. To be honest I really appreciated her support.
Adachi’s feelings on the other hand, were another matter entirely. Based on my experiences with her, both as her friend and her girlfriend, as well as what little I had found out about her past, I was afraid that she might end up putting me in a cage. Not an actual cage of course, at least I hoped not, but if her definition of cheating meant that I was being unfaithful simply for saying “hello” to Hino and Nagafuji at school then it was not impossible that she would eventually try to prevent me from ever speaking to anyone but her. That would definitely be a problem. Adachi may be perfectly happy in a world that consisted of me and me alone, after all she had never really had anyone else in her world to begin with, but I didn’t think I could live that way. Even if I usually kept myself from getting particularly close to most people, there were several in my life who I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to just yet.
That said, I don’t think that’s what Adachi really wanted either. She loved me, and I knew she would hate herself if she ever did anything to hurt me. No, the problem was her lack of experience with relationships. While I had carefully crafted ways of navigating social encounters, she had shut herself off from everyone and as a result her haphazard attempts at building a relationship with me were clumsy and awkward. She didn’t have anyone else to learn from either, so I knew the only way she would grow was if I helped her. It was a bit of a pain to be frank. In fact I seem to recall telling her something like that once. Still, pain or not, I had accepted her as she was when I agreed to go out with her. I cared about her, loved her even, and I didn’t want her to suffer any more than she wanted to harm me. I knew I would have to do something, and the longer I put it off the worse it would be.
“Are you okay, Shimamura? What’s wrong?” Adachi was visibly concerned about me, but what could I say? As I wracked my brain for a response there was a part of me that missed the days when my life consisted mostly of eating, sleeping, and drifting along to wherever the stream of events carried me.
Eating, sleeping, and going through life without a care in the world. Who else did that remind me of? Suddenly I had a mental image of a girl with glowing blue hair tied behind her head in a butterfly knot. Those kinds of thoughts are an important first step. Somehow, I could still remember what she had said to me on the day we met over a year ago. She must have made a very strong first impression.
“Sorry, sorry,” I finally replied as an idea began to form in my mind. “Say, if you’re not working tonight, want to come over to my house?”
“Tonight?” Her eyes opened wide as worry gave way to surprise. “A-actually, the owner just went on vacation so I’m off until next week…” Her eyes were starting to spin as she continued, “this is the first time you’ve… invited me yourself… Why? N-not that I mind at all, in fact I’d love to! It’s just so sudden and I wasn’t expecting it so… I was curious…” She seemed very excited for a bit but then her voice had trailed off by the end. It was so like her.
“Great! I just remembered we have tests next week and I’m totally unprepared.” Actually I didn’t really care that much about the tests but after all this I had to say something and I wasn’t ready to tell her what had been bothering me just yet.
“So… you want to study together?”
“Yep, you got it! You can even stay overnight if you want.” Her face lit up as I said those words.
“Yes! Let’s study together!” she practically shouted with joy as she squeezed my hand. Sometimes it was nice knowing how easy she was to please. Smiling together, we finished eating the rest of the cake.
This just might work.
I turned 17 years old today.
Most of my classmates probably celebrated their birthdays with their close friends and families, but mine were pretty uneventful. I do remember my parents trying to have parties for me when I was younger, but since I never really had any friends to invite it was just the three of us. Still, my mother would bake a cake and they would give me presents. I was never able to find the words to express my appreciation, which I guess they mistook for disinterest.
Eventually the celebrations stopped happening. My mother still gave me cakes every year, but she no longer baked them herself. Last year she didn't even give it to me in person. She had to work late that night so I found it in the refrigerator along with the dinner she had prepared for me. That was fine, I found it easier to eat by myself than to deal with the awkward silence that always fell between us.
This time however, one thing was different: Shimamura was my girlfriend. That alone made today special. For the first time in as long as I could remember I was excited to become a year older and discover what the day had in store for me.
It was Friday morning, and the very first thing I did when I woke up was check my phone. There were no messages. Not that I expected any, I’m pretty sure I never told Shimamura when my birthday was so I knew there was almost no chance of her doing anything out of the ordinary for me today. That didn’t stop me from thinking about it anyway. What if she somehow found out on her own? Would she buy me a gift? I couldn’t stop grinning as I pictured Shimamura waiting for me at school with a gift-wrapped box in her hands. It made me so happy that I spent the next several minutes hugging my pillow while rolling back and forth on my bed.
I had to stop because it was time to get ready to leave, but my mind was still on Shimamura. My body going through motions that had long since become routine, I was barely aware that I had changed into our school's uniform, put on makeup, and fixed my hair before heading downstairs. As I walked into the kitchen to get my breakfast I saw my mother sitting at the table with a plastic bag in front of her. I ignored her, and she ignored me.
With breakfast in hand, which was egg-filled bread and mineral water, I made my way to the table. My mother didn't even look up from her phone as I sat down across from her. Typically she left the house before me so I was used to eating in silence but her presence this morning made the quiet room feel very uncomfortable. When I had finished eating and stood up to leave she suddenly spoke.
"Sakura." There was no feeling in her voice as she said my name. I stopped and looked at her as she picked up the plastic bag and held it out to me. "Why don't you take this with you and share it with your friend?"
Accepting the bag, I opened it and peered inside. It was a small strawberry shortcake from a bakery that just happened to be between her work and our house, along with a pair of forks.
"Okay." It was all I could think of to say to her.
"Well then, I'm off," my mother concluded as she got up and left for work.
I stood in the kitchen for a few minutes after she left, thinking about the cake and what she had said.
"I wonder what kind of cakes Shimamura likes?" Picturing the two of us eating cake together on my birthday brought a tinge of red to my cheeks. The only present I wanted today was to be with her.
Stepping outside, I put both my bookbag and the plastic bag in my bicycle's basket and began pedaling forward.