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Tsukasa always thought that “It’s okay” was a vulnerable phrase. He says it to his sister when she was hospitalized and growing distant from her friends. He says it to his own companions when they have problems far too overwhelming for them to comprehend. And he even says it to his audience to see the smiles on their faces, all to reassure them, tell them that it’s fine and that whatever they’re struggling with will all be over soon.
But when the roles switch, it feels all too foreign. He didn’t know how to respond properly, it’s almost as if all his senses just…shut down. He’s the responsible one, he’s always been the responsible one. He always took care of other people, helping them, being the one that they can depend on. To him, it felt like he had to unlearn everything he knew just to hear those words come out of a mouth that isn’t his.
He starts to get emotional whenever he hears that phrase. He wonders why.
After another busy day, Tsukasa was tired. Well, ‘tired’ was a bit of an understatement.
He had three exams in school so he crammed in time to do a last minute revision of the materials discussed, causing him to stay up late the night before. With how last-minute the study session was, he doubts that he even passed the exams. He supposes that he would have to expect a mouthful when the results come out…
And because he had been up all night, he had accidentally spilled water on his clothes during lunch period due to pure drowsiness and had to spend the rest of the period wiping the water off and drying his clothes, which expectantly, made him lose all of his time to eat and went back to class hungry. And to top it all off, he had a show to perform with Wonderlands × Showtime right after school. He barely got through it with how starved and tired he was and nearly collapsed once the show was finished.
So yes, he had quite the busy day.
He just… needs time to unwind. And by ‘unwind’, he means impulsively deciding to spend the night at Rui’s. Luckily enough, Rui didn’t seem to mind that much. In fact, he was welcoming of the idea and offered to walk Tsukasa back home together after their show.
Everything that came after went by so quickly that it was a blur to Tsukasa. Though, he vaguely remembers Rui telling him to “take it easy” even though he didn’t say anything about the stressful day. It makes his heart absolutely swell in love knowing how Rui knew that he hadn’t been feeling well without even needing him to say it. The words were so short and sweet that it makes Tsukasa feel like an idiot for fawning over it this much.
…But if appreciating his partner for being there for him made him an idiot, then maybe he wouldn’t mind it all that much.
Now that the sun has fully set down and nighttime has officially made itself known, the pair are now preparing to go to bed. Well, one of them, anyways.
“Are you staying up?” Tsukasa asked when he spotted Rui scanning through blueprints again. Rui hums from his seat, “Most likely. So if you need anything, even if it’s in the middle of the night, chances are that I’ll still be awake.” and the scratch of pen against paper continued as he wrote.
Tsukasa smiles, beaming. “Of course! But a future star like me can take care of themselves, so you need not concern yourself over me, hahaha!” he laughed. Rui huffs out a breath, “And a future star like you has to know that it’s okay to ask for help.”
It’s okay .
Tsukasa didn’t think much of the words at the time.
Rui gets up from where he’s sitting, striding over to Tsukasa, “Get to bed now, my star, I’ll see you in the morning.” he says, patting his boyfriend’s hair. Tsukasa ignores how a mellow, peached blush starts to creep up on his cheeks and flashes him a bashful smile, “Goodnight, Rui.”
“Goodnight.”
Tsukasa flopped back down onto the bed — it’s soft — the thought went away just as quickly as it came until he pulled the blankets over him and finally decided to call it a night.
…Or not.
Before he knew it, he found himself thinking back to Rui’s words.
“And a future star like you has to know that it’s okay to ask for help .”
He wants to hear that again. The words just feel so fragile and he’s doing everything he can not to go over to Rui just so he could hear those words for a second time. He would be bothering him anyways, wouldn’t he? He knows that he’s working right now and yet…
“It’s okay to ask for help.”
…Damn Rui and his words of conviction.
Tsukasa rolled over to his left and took a small peek at Rui, who hadn’t changed his position from the last time he saw him, still sat down on his seat, opening one of his notebooks to jot something down.
But just as he did so, Rui spun his chair around to face Tsukasa, “I hope you realize that you’re terrible at trying to fake being asleep.” He simply remarked. But to his relief, no anger or anything similar to that was heard from the tone of his voice.
Not expecting himself to get called out, Tsukasa involuntarily let out a noise of shock and looked up at Rui with his arms up like he had been caught guilty of a crime of some sort, “Uh… surprise?” which made a small chuckle escape Rui’s lips, “Very surprising, yes. Now tell me, what seems to be troubling you at this hour?” Tsukasa slowly sank down his raised hands,
…Straight to the point.
And before he could even register what he was doing, Tsukasa quickly thought of a lie on the spot, “Nothing at all! I was just… having trouble falling asleep and wanted to see what you were up to! Haha…”
A slight look of disappointment was cast upon Rui’s expression. It made Tsukasa frown. Was he upset at him? Had he said something wrong? Should he have gone to bed instead of bothering him?
“Tsukasa,” Rui started, “you also may need to improve your lying skills. I can see right through it, so don’t even try.” and he stood up from his seat, walking closer to where his partner had laid. Sitting down on the soft and welcoming surface of the bed, he carefully took Tsukasa’s hands into his, “I already told you, whether it be early in the morning or late at night, it’s okay for you to ask for help when you need it.” The words were warm, inviting, and Tsukasa didn’t know what he did to deserve such a loving person to call his own.
But that doesn’t stop his body from freezing right at the spot at the gentle words of encouragement. There’s that phrase yet again.
It’s okay.
And not only that, he couldn’t stop the next few words that came tumbling out of his mouth.
“Say that again.” and by the time he looked up to Rui, he saw nothing but surprise in his eyes. Truth be told, Tsukasa himself was surprised as well with how bold the sentence was. He was about to make up some sort of excuse, running through every little thing that could dismiss what he had just said to cover it up before he felt a pair of hands holding onto his own.
When did they get this close?
Rui didn’t seem to think of the words that much when he pulled Tsukasa so he could sit upright with him, bringing him closer to say, “It’s okay,” he continues, “I’m afraid that I’m unaware of what’s troubling you, but I assure you that with time, it’ll all be okay soon.” and Tsukasa had to appreciate the small gestures such as the hand that would occasionally rub comforting circles on his back as an act of reassurance that actually helps him keep himself grounded. It feels almost as if Rui knew him better than Tsukasa himself. And he didn’t mind it. Not even a little bit.
Tsukasa slumps onto Rui’s body, resting his forehead on the latter’s shoulder, “Rough day,” he managed to slur out. And he spilled everything about how tiring his day had been. About the exams, about how exhausted he’s been, about how he hasn’t eaten anything other than breakfast and the rice ball that Rui gave him when they got to his place together and about how he had a terrible time keeping a straight face during their show as to not disappointing the audience that have been looking forward to their show.
And it seemed as though Rui noticed, too. Just how tired he had been. Tsukasa wasn’t surprised either, by the time they had finished the show, he didn’t even put that much of an effort to cover up his exhaustion. “I suspected that something was amidst… Why didn’t you confront me about this matter sooner?” Rui sounded guilty.
Call him dramatic, but the weight of the words dug a hole in Tsukasa’s brain. Rui didn’t do anything wrong, so why did he sound like he was the cause of all of… this? If anything, he should’ve managed his time properly. He should know how to balance his life in school with his part-time job. He should’ve known how to handle his emotions better. And now… now, he’s probably causing Rui a lot of trouble.
What kind of partner would he be if he kept disturbing Rui with his problems?
A call of his name, “Tsukasa,” comes rolling off of Rui’s tongue like smooth butter. It managed to bring him back up from his harmful headspace. “Y- Yeah?” He cringes at how broken his voice sounded. Rui brings one of his hands up and Tsukasa notices how his hands felt warmer than it did before. After all, Rui’s hands have always been cold. The hand came up to caress his cheek and Tsukasa was met with a warm smile from Rui.
“Had you told us how much you’ve been carrying throughout today, we could have delayed the show until you’ve gotten better.” He ran his hand through Tsukasa’s hair, soothing the boy. Admittedly, it was working. He leaned into the touch and let out a sigh, “But Rui… I can’t possibly disappoint—”
“Tsukasa.” The sternness in Rui’s voice stills him, “If our fans really were our fans, they would surely respect that you were feeling under the weather. How you feel mentally is just as important as how you’re feeling physically. Understand?”
Tsukasa shudders, “Yeah,” he murmurs. And for today, he decides that maybe, just maybe , he would let himself relax for now. And from what he’s seeing, he guesses that Rui feels the same way. He leaned forward to rest his forehead on his shoulder once again and smiled against his neck, “Thank you. I think I really needed that.”
Rui hums, “Anything for my star.”