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Goblins don't traditionally have soulmates the way that most other humanoids do. Meaning, of course, they don't have soulmates at all. You just date whichever goblin you'd like and live your life with them. That's why Riz never understood why people were so confused when he would scribble notes and facts all over his arms. A human girl in his 3rd-grade class had asked him why he ‘wrote so much that there wasn't room for his soulmate’. Her mother got her removed from his class after she went home and talked about “The goblin who doesn't know what soulmates are.”
When he went to the library next he researched as much as he could. His parents couldn't help, they were both raised in the mountains of chaos. The moment he learned they shared skin he was hyper careful of what he wrote down. Maybe they were a spy, Maybe they didn't speak common, maybe they didn't want to hear about his cases and his days. (Maybe they weren't real because he's a goblin and goblins don't get soulmates.) He wrote things he thought would keep them interested but not too curious. A grocery list here, a count down there, a name or place. He never greeted them, they never responded.
One day about halfway through 8th grade, he looks down and sees “Hey what's your name?” He slinks out of history right then and there. (What their teaching is just human-centric rhetoric about killing ‘savage’ goblins in the mountains of chaos, doesn't matter that much) He has a pointedly quiet panic attack in the restrooms, and at the end sees “You don't have to tell me, mine's fabian! Sorry, I haven't reached out, we're not allowed to until were 14 in my family.” Riz breaks down sobbing, and at that moment he doesn't even know why. (He will later realize it's because Fabian is an elvish name, and Elves don't date Goblins. especially not the kind of elves whose handwriting looks that perfect and precise. Nobody dates people who are starting to be pretty sure they don't want sex and maybe not romance either. Nobody dates runts who are small, even for goblins. nobody-)
He promised himself he would never write again.
--
Fabian fell completely in love with his soulmate when he was 5. “I think Arlayna is stealing my snaks. More investigashun to be done.” it appeared lightning fast and even then the scrawl was messy and disorganized. He wanted to write ‘Kill her’ back, but he's not allowed to. Later “Dear Miss. Wrancaryn, My son has realized he cannot spell perfectly and will be using a dictionary from now on. He is also sad to say that children cannot make arrests, despite real evidence. He is very sorry for any distress he caused your daughter and it will not happen again. -PG ( ps. Show this to Arlayna’s mother tomorrow at school.)” The penmanship was significantly neater and neither note was addressed to him. However Investigation was the biggest word he'd ever seen, and arresting people is badass, so he fell head over heels.
In 3rd grade, the notes abruptly stopped being endless word vomit, and turned into what he could tell (through a series of insight checks) was planned and reserved communications. It's odd that their communications now, but he doesn't mind. The first week after he considers breaking the rule almost every day. He misses the long complicated rants about his soulmate's day. The way they seemed to be so incredibly smart even though they were in the same grade as him. Math problems worked out in the crook of his elbow. The reminders to pick up snacks at lunch. He misses this person he's never even met.
By the time he turns 14 he's so excited to talk to his soulmate, it's the first thing he does at midnight of his birthday. He writes a love letter and then washes it off. In fencing the next day he injured his ankle and can only do half of practice. So he decides to reach out to his soulmate again. He asks their name.
An hour later they haven't responded, so he reassures them that they don't have to tell him. Says his name and explains why he hasn't said anything until now.
When after a week it seems like the small bits of writing aren't coming back, he wonders what he did wrong. He throws himself into fencing and fighting lessons. He's reckless. If he thought he missed them in 3rd grade, it has nothing on the grief he feels now. He cries when by the end of 8th grade he still hasn't heard anything.
He thinks they probably won't write ever again.
--
When Riz meets Fabian in detention on the first day of freshman year, he is mostly preoccupied with not dying. A day later he forces himself to be preoccupied with the mystery. For the rest of the year, all he thinks about is the case, the girls, Penny, Fabian's hair, the gold, Kalvaxis, aelwyn, Fabian's eyes, the bank (they don't give out pens!) Zayne, the harvestmen, Fabian's voice, and maybe the only thing keeping him from going insane over Fabian is the constant flow of mystery. (He is ignoring it because Fabian doesn't know and Fabian doesn't need to know. Fabian wouldn't even want to know. Fabian doesn't want Riz, Fabian wants a good soulmate.)
Then the bad kids get landed in jail. Then, he is stuck without his clues, without the board, without his coffee. Nothing to distract him, just his friends talking through the vents, Fig is worried about Gilear (unsurprising), Adaine has had 2 panic attacks in 3 days (god he wishes he could hug her), Kristen is telling them interesting anecdotes from her world religions book (she seems invested in a couple of stories), Gorgug has been quietly singing through his parent's discography (his voice is so quiet they can only hear him at night when they pretend to sleep), and Fabian has been silent for the whole time. (He can feel the soulbond trying to tug him towards Fabian. Some rabid voice in the back of his head is screeching hurthurthurthurt help him he's in pain help him help now go tear through wall. He will pointedly ignore it, he's never really felt romantic towards anyone, and it's fucking scary ok??)
On day 4 everyone has been quiet, although soft snores are coming from a couple of directions by nightfall. At what must be 2 or 3 AM, fabian starts singing sea shanties, low and slow. Before they were put in jail riz hadn't slept in 8 or 9 days, it's been almost 2 weeks now. But he hasn't felt safe enough to sleep in this stupid jail cell. But as Fabian's voice tumbles through the hallway- echoing off the walls of their cells, his eyes slip shut.
He wakes up to someone frantically calling his name, his eyes are still bleary and the noise is loud because his ears have not adjusted. He whines then hisses while trying to cover his ears, almost as soon as he does it he realizes he isn't in bed at the apartment. He bolts up, immediately on guard, his brain catches him up on the noise comprehending it all at once. His friends are calling his name. “Riz you always check-in at 11 am sharp and you haven't in 2 days please respond?? Are you ok??” Fig. “Riz, did you get hurt and not tell us? I can heal you through the wall?” Kristen. “Riz, can you sound off? I know you're probably just enveloped in clues, however, this is scary.” Adaine. “Riz I'm about to break through this wall are you ok man?” Gorgug. “The ball- Riz. Are you ok? Respond to us please.” Fabian. Everyone is safe, god what a relief.
Fuck he still hasn't responded he should do that. “Yeah guys, I'm. I'm ok. I just haven't slept in. a while and I guess I passed out. Hit the bottom of the barrel. I'll be ok though.” He can almost feel the collective exhale. The first to speak up is Adaine, always the fastest to the punch. “Riz, exactly how long had it been since you had last slept?” Shit. That is a question that is hard to lie about because they know him well. God the deception check is gonna suck he can feel it. “Just 2 or 3 days, nothing too bad. Must have just nodded off for a bit there.” That's only like a 5. Fuck. “Riz if your lie is a few days I cannot imagine how bad it is. 5 what 6 days? That's not healthy.” Adaine is too caring over him. He's not just a kid. He's been worse than this before (lie) so it's not that bad. Best to let them believe it was less than a week though. “Yeah sorry. I'll try to be more careful guys.” They seem settled with that.
As he goes over the conversation in his head later, he realizes Fabian called him Riz. (Fabian never calls him Riz) This means that he worried Fabian so much that he felt the need to call him Riz. Means that he's fucked up again so bad and hurt his soulmate again. God Fabian really doesn't need him. He just causes problems.
All he says for the rest of their stay in jail is the 11 am check-in.
--
When summer rolls around, Fabian is giddy. Riz has asked his mother If he can stay at Fabians for a month, and she said it was fine. The whole party is staying at his house to work on team building and fighting exercises. The house has felt empty since his father passed, having it filled again is a delight. The rooming arrangements are also favorable. Kristen and Fig are rooming together because Fig listens to Kristen rant lovingly about Tracker. Gorgug is alone, he gets a chaos king to himself so he can sleep better. Adaine has been staying here since kalvaxis fell, and is keeping her room. Which leaves him and Riz together. He's already set up a few boards and made a profile on his computer. He just loves spending time with riz.
The month passes quickly in flashes of goofing off, sunscreen, late-night pool visits, shopping, a killer volleyball game, and sleeping under the violet moonlight streaming in through the windows.
In that month the aching he's felt for his soulmate since he was 5 vanishes. He's happy. Fabian has friends, and his life is good. He doesn't need his soulmate even if he wants them. He happily moves on feeling fulfilled in the relationships he has.
--
In July Riz and his, Madke go back to the chaos mountains for the yearly family reunion. He supposes that it's gracious of his Pon's giant family to let them in still. He hasn't figured out whether they're just keeping him and Madke around because he has his Pon's blood in him, or if they genuinely want them there. (They let the rest of Madke’s group in, so it's probably the latter.) Regardless of the wistfulness, he feels at seeing his family but not his Pon, he loves them very much. Teezr, the oldest of his first cousins, is 9 now and they have started to form big opinions about marriage, so it looks like they'll follow their madke's prerogative of not marrying and having children alone in the den. He missed Kak and Gnink, who are closest to him in age. They've been forcing him to catch up on all the goblin TV he missed over the years. (Goblins in the mountains of chaos really love soap operas) Una is leading a “young people rebellion” but half her team is under 5 so she hasn't got amazing odds.
International prices are awful, so he can't text his friends on his crystal-like normal. They all made an Instahex group chat so they could still text a bit. Throughout the week he's there, he posts a bunch of photos of his family. He mostly hangs out with the youngest and oldest of the group. (The elders have always loved him, and the kids don't ask hard questions) Many years ago when he was 7, there was a photo taken of him. It was his grandpen talking to his Pon, while his Pon held him, and he held his little cousin Teezr, who had just been born a few months earlier. He re-creates it, but now he's standing talking to his grandpen, and he's holding a squirming 9-year-old Teezr.
4 days into the trip his aunt Ces makes the mistake of giving Kak some permanent markers, and of course, Kak immediately enlists Gnink’s help. Next thing he knows he's waking up to arms covered in doodles and obscene words. For the first time since he found out about soulmates, he's not worried when he sees the writing. He's so distracted and happy with his family he forgets. (it's been a while since he could forget) Later that night he posted a photo of him holding his 6-month-old baby cousin to his story. Her name is Kixe and she's itty bitty. It doesn't cross his mind that the group chat is silent that night.
--
Fabian had been happily whoring around since he realized he didn't need his soulmate. He bedded someone almost every night, and he was loving it. At one point a flurry of writing shows up on his arms while Riz is gone. He doesn't really care. He was busy and missed Riz’s story post. Riz also missed him, it seems Riz was hanging out with his baby cousin. When Riz comes home a few days later, they all meet up at bazraars to hang out and catch up. He had both forgotten and barely cared about the hickeys on his neck and shoulders from a very bitey elvish dude he'd fucked around with a day or so prior. Riz seems both happy to see them and somewhat reserved, which is fine he's probably tired. Honestly, he wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't Riz’s best friend, but they share such a good bond Fabian swears he can feel his emotions sometimes.
When Riz doesn't talk to anyone for a few days, he dismisses it. Probably just tired from the reunion.
When Riz doesn't talk to anyone for a week, Fabian changes the locks on his office so that he’ll remember he has a life outside of that. A day later he drives by and drags Riz to the park, so he can watch the birds and the people. He thinks that'll be fine, it's what usually pulls Riz out of an episode.
When Riz minimally talks to him but talks to everyone else in the party like normal, he slips Riz some extra food and lets him fall asleep while they watch true crime shows. It's always helped calm Riz before they have serious talks. Riz wakes up a few hours later, Fabian hands his hat back to him. “Why have you been avoiding me the ball? And don't say you haven't because you have.” Riz seems to go stock still. Then calculatingly relaxes, extremely defensive. Then seemingly remembers he's safe and relaxes for real. “I. I didn't mean to man. I think I just overthought some stuff and psyched myself out. I'm sorry I'll fix that” He seems to be honest, his insight is not amazing but he gets an advantage because it's Riz. “It's ok The ball, just wanted to make sure you were ok.” They watch more true crime and things go back to normal over the next few weeks.
Simple as that. It's always been simple with Riz.
--
Riz hates that he's jealous every time he sees or hears about Fabian's flings. (he's also terrified that he wants that to be him) Riz hates that he was careless during the reunion. Riz wants to hate fabian. The fact of the matter is he can't, no matter how hard he tries. So he avoided Fabian and then had to deal with the consequences. So from then on out, he divorces himself from the idea of loving Fabian like a soulmate. (he shoves it down and ignores it) He loves him as his best friend. He goes back to normal, and nobody except Fabian notices his slip up.
He carries on throughout sophomore year, mostly shoves his feelings into the nightmare king case. (His friends keep asking questions about his dating life EW) Then spring break happens. (Barron is a violent wake-up call, he should talk to the party) Then fabian has a full-blown breakdown, hits rock bottom, and Riz is right there. He desperately picks up the pieces of Fabian and tries to patiently help him be able to live again. Then Fabian becomes a bard, and Fabian looks happier and healthier than ever. Then Fabian apparently goes insane trying to find him while he was in heaven with his dad.
When he gets back Fabian hugs him so tightly and doesn't let go, he just whispers a hushed “gods I missed you so much” when fabian hovers close for the rest of the night he lets him. When Fabian insists that Riz sleep with him under the battle sheet, “for warmth the ball, there's not enough space in the van otherwise” he doesn't question it. When he wakes up and Fabian mutters his thanks into his hair, he just nods and squeezes his hand. (Maybe he should talk to fabian after this)
Then he's in the forest and oh fuck Fabians kissing Aelwyn, and then writing appears on his arm and their fighting. He ruined that happiness, he ruined Fabian's life. His friends are all moving on and he's stuck here watching himself ruin Fabian's life. (God everything he ever thought was right and he got big-headed and though fabian could ever want him and that anyone could want him as a friend as a boyfriend as anything and maybe his dad wasn't lying to the demons and was just lying for his benefit oh god everything is bad they all hate him-)
When they leave the forest victorious he can't celebrate, he offers weak smiles and then runs as fast as he can to the bus when they get home. He collapses into his Madkes arms and breaks down sobbing, just word vomiting everything that hurt him throughout the quest. His madke, being the perfect and amazing woman she is, purrs and wraps her tail around him. She hugs him until he's just sniffing and shaking. Then she says “Ti ja min talie ahn” and even if it's not advice, or a promise to destroy those who hurt him- it's so so comforting. Just an apology for the troubles he's dealt with, spoken in his native language from his madke. It's as perfect as she is, and he falls asleep leaning on her.
--
Fabian is worried about Riz. Because he left almost immediately when they got home. He's not answering calls or texts, and even after a few days, he hasn't sent them anything. When Fabian went by his house to binge TV and break him out of the shell he gets in after big events, Sklonda Turned him away saying that Riz did not want visitors right then. The next day Kristen was let in, just to deliver some food, she reported that Riz was happy, healthy, and taking a break. Slowly everyone except him was let in to check on Riz, but Sklonda wouldn't let him in. He's terrified about what he could have done to invoke her rage. He's terrified for Riz and what happened in the forest that made her think Fabian couldn't come in.
After a week he breaks in. Well, Riz lets him in while his Mom is sleeping. Riz is skittish the whole time, and after 8 episodes of Spellfeed unsolved, he has to ask what happened. Demands to know really. Riz stares at him for a while and then spits out everything that's been messing with him. He's smoothly gliding around something but Fabian doesn't want to push. He just hugs Riz and tells him how much he loves him. Narrowly avoiding the aggressively non-platonic love that buzzes through his brain every time he sees Riz. He unpauses Spellfeed unsolved, and they drift into a gentle sleep.
--
After spring break he and Fabian are closer than ever, they're almost inseparable. (He hasn't decided whether that's good or bad yet) Riz skips most of his classes to study in Fabian's backpack, classes pass. The whole party is so far above the other sophomores that they don't have to try very hard. When finals hit they're boring.
A bit after spring break jawbone had offered his madke and him rooms at Mordred manor, Riz practically lived there anyway. So they had moved in, he found a big room that was only accessible by people 4 feet or smaller. It's nice having a completely private room, nobody other than his madke can get there. She doesn't know where the entrance is though, so he's good to go. (The privacy is more and more appreciated nowadays) The room runs cold, and it has traditional crystal flooring similar to his room in the Mountains of Chaos. He enlisted the help of Zayne to get furniture in, he's sworn to secrecy. It has a huge bae window, and recently he's found that he can fall asleep there easier.
Since most of the party lives at Mordred manor now, that's where they decide to host their now annual month of team building at the manor this year. Fabian comes over the third day of summer, the party spends a majority of the afternoon just hanging out and chatting in the living room. When the question comes of ‘where should Fabian sleep’ he sneaks off to his room, nobody knows where he sleeps so his room isn't really up for consideration. Gorgug already claimed the couch.
He's cleaning his room, when he hears from behind him “Gods The Ball why did you make your room so fucking hard to get to man?? It took me like an hour to find a big entrance” at the sudden and wholly unexpected intrusion his entire body jumps about 2 feet in the air. He turns around slowly to see Fabian (Of course it's Fabian they always room together. What was he thinking? Who else would look for a way in for an hour wait did he say big entrance??) “What do you mean by ‘big entrance’? I searched for any other entrance or exit to the room and didn't find anything. Wait. you can know where my room is but nobody else can. Does anybody else know?” he says in a very frantic rush. Fabian chuckles as he wanders through the room, looking at everything happily. “Don't worry The Ball, nobody followed me, and the entrance is hard to find your safe.” Riz relaxes, he desperately needed to know that his sanctuary wasn't invaded. (He will not address why fabian knowing still feels safe)
He's about to thank Fabian when the man himself speaks up. “Riz, can we talk? And before you panic and sneak away, it's not bad serious it's good serious. Please just hear me out.” Riz, despite every nerve of his body screeching to run away, nods and sits on the bay window. Fabian takes a deep breath, sits down, grabs Riz’s hand, and starts talking.
“Riz I have loved you since the second week of knowing you. You are my best friend and the love of my life. I feel like I'm floating in happiness when I'm with you, even the hangman has come around because he can sense how much I love you. It's so sick of you constantly being my topic of choice during rides. Kathilda gives me this dumb look every time I mention I'm hanging out with you, so I'm putting an end to it. Riz Gukgak, Will you be my boyfriend?”
He's sure the rapid-fire emotions running through his body show on his face. Fuck what does he say? Fabian loves him. Fabian loves him. Fabian loves him. Holy shit Fabian loves him. Why does Fabian love him?? He's shrimpy and hidey and filled with anxiety, and he doesn't like sex (Fabian might be the exception but he has NOT explored that yet) and he flinches when voices raise, and he's a goblin, and he's an insomniac who barely cares for himself. Instead of spouting any of those logical points, he simply says “What about your soulmate?” Fabian looks at him oddly and chuckles. “What about them? I don't care who the universe thinks I end up with, fuck the universe, and fuck my soulmate they were a douchebag when I was 14 anyways. I want you.”
No matter how hard Riz tries to read his face for doubt, or wavering, he finds nothing. Fabian genuinely doesn't care. His mouth ran before he could stop it, “What if. What if I was your soulmate?” Now it's Fabian's turn to look shocked and upset. “If you were my soulmate I would ask what happened in 3rd grade, and what I did in 8th to make you abandon me.” At those words, Riz cringes and immediately open his mouth to reassure fabian that-
“ No you didn't do anything, it's all me. I love you so much, I have forever. But Fabian. I'm not. I'm not good. Not like you and not for you. Goblins don't have soulmates, and before 3rd I wasn't writing to you. I was just. Writing. In 3rd a human enlightened me on the fact that humanoids have soulmates. But maybe you were a spy, Maybe you didn't speak common English, maybe you didn't want to hear about my affairs and my days. Maybe you weren't even real because I'm a goblin and goblins don't get soulmates. And gods fabian, what humanoid wants a goblin. Pretty humanoid princes don't date goblins in movies, they hunt them, Fabian. And in the 8th grade when you wrote I panicked because holy shit. You're real? And your name. God your name is fabian. Fabian is an elvish name, and Elves don't date Goblins. especially not the kind of elves whose handwriting looks that perfect and precise. Nobody dates people who are starting to be pretty sure they don't want sex and maybe not romance either. Nobody dates runts who are small, even for goblins. I wasn't good enough then and I'm not good enough now. I love you more than you could possibly know. I was so fucking jealous over all those people you were hooking up with last summer. I love you, and I want to be with you in any way you'll let me. But I am not. Good. I can't be with you because it doesn't work out happy that way for people like me.”
Fabian is silent, for a while. Then he looks gobsmacked. Then he looks saddened. He grabs Riz and hugs him so tight, he thinks his ribs might pop. They stay like that for a while, and after 10 or 15 minutes fabian whispers into his hair “fuck the fairy tales. Fuck the society that made you think your bad. And fuck you for insulting my soulmate, I will thank you to never talk about him like that again. I love you riz. I love you as my soulmate, as my friend, as my boyfriend. Because you love me and I love you and that's all we need. There's a lot we have to talk about, but we'll burn those bridges when we get to them. And we will do it together. May I kiss my boyfriend, my soulmate now?” And oh man fabian is staring at him. Gods Riz is so weak for this pretty half-elf bard. So he mutters out a ‘yea ok’.
Then he kisses his boyfriend under the violet light of the moon streaming in through the window.
--
After 4 days the whole party knows, because Fabian uses their shared canvas liberally, and has convinced Riz to do so as well.
After a week His Madke also knows, and as a result, has insisted that Fabian come to the family reunion next month.
After 2 weeks he starts teaching Fabian about goblin culture. He also helps teach Fabian the goblin language, because fabian is desperate to impress his family.
After 3 weeks his madke has insisted that Fabian also call her “Madke Sklonda” rather than Misses Gukgak. When Fabian hears that his smile is so big and goofy it makes Riz’s heart hurt.
After 5 weeks, Fabian can follow a conversation in goblin and has started looking into goblin tradition surrounding impressing your partner's family, Riz pretends he doesn't see the websites open on his laptop.
After 7 weeks Fabian is frantically listing the names of all of Riz's family members he knows, he is bouncing off the walls of the manor. He can barely sit still on the train ride to the mountains of chaos.
During week 8 Fabian Meets Riz’s whole family all the way from His 6-month-old baby cousin Kixe to His 78-year-old Grandpen Eick. Fabian helps cook, hangs out with the little ones, talks to all the aunts and uncles and auncles, and gets a shovel talk from apparently all 26 family members present while Riz is in the shower.
Week 10 he learns why Fabian was such a prolific hoe the year before.
Week 12 they get ready for junior year.
Week 13 they come out to the school.
Weeks 14-50 Riz wears Fabian's jacket every day without fail.
Fabian and Riz are tales as old as time, unlikely star-crossed lovers. Riz promises to hang the sun in the sky for Fabian, and one-day senior year he's able to do it. Fabian promises every day will be a day his love for Riz multiplies, and it does.
Almost every night they fall asleep soundly under the violet moonlight.