Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Dear Mr Stark,

My name is Penelope Parker, I'm 16 and I think you might be my Dad.

I don't know if you remember her, but my Mother used to work for you. Years ago, on something called the Ultron project? I think she quit after you two spent the night together, and I guess she decided to hide the pregnancy. I don't know details really....the only reason I know anything is because I found some letter she wrote you. I guess she never sent it. I suppose I could have sent it along with this, but it got a little water damaged (Our basement flooded).

I was hoping maybe we could meet up? Talk or something...I don't know....

My Mom passed away when I was Seven...so she isn't around to answer my questions. You might not be able to either, but I thought at least we could try...

Yours Sincerely,  

Penelope Parker.

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Dear Ms Parker,

RE: Paternity Claim

Thank you for your recent letter. However, due to the high volume of inquiries of this nature Mr Stark receives, he is unable to respond to each in person. If you wish to further pursue your enquiry, you must ask your legal advisor to arrange for a court-sanctioned paternity test. As a minor, it is acceptable to have your parent/guardian undertake this action on your behalf. If successful in your application, Mr Stark will be happy to submit to the procedure. 

If you or your legal representative have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours Sincerely,

H. Corbett

Head of Legal Department, Stark Industries

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Dear Mr Corbett,

Please find enclosed court order from my lawyer Ms Jennifer Walters.

I assume this is satisfactory?

Yours Sincerely,

Penelope Parker. 

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Dear Miss Parker,

Please find enclosed a cheque of $507,440, payable to your legal guardian, intended to include the following:

1. 18 years of Child Maintenance Payments (Calculated at $540pw/$28,080pa in adherence to state and federal guidelines for Band 1 Tax Payers)
2. $2000 subsidy to go towards legal costs incurred

The second cheque, of $50,000 is intended for your personal use as a gesture of goodwill.

Finally, please find enclosed details of a 2% stake in Stark Industries shares (an equivalent stake to members of the board). At the time of writing, shares are valued at $2,003. On your eighteenth birthday, your stake will automatically increase to 25% if you have not previously sold your shares.

I trust the matter is now closed. However, if you have any further questions regarding the contents of this letter or other legal implications, please do not hesitate to contact myself. Enquiries of non-legal nature should be directed to Ms Pepper Potts, personal assistant to Mr Stark.

Many thanks,

H. Corbett

Head of Legal Department, Stark Industries

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Dear Ms Potts,

Please inform Mr Stark that I am not interested in his money.

cheques enclosed

Regards,

Penelope Parker.

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Dear Penelope,

So Pepper just came and threw the cheques in my face, which I guess is pretty much what you did.  I’m sending them back to you, because you shouldn’t be an idiot about money that could change your life. Use it for college, give it to charity, I don’t care. It’s probably less than you would have got if I’d been in your life from the start and it sounds like you probably could use the money given that you apparently don’t know enough about billionaires to realise they don’t read their own mail. Especially not if you send it to their office. From now on, if you want to write me, write me at home. Or better yet, send me an e-mail. (Almost like this is the 21st century! I hope you know I’m dictating this to a piece of software. Who still uses a pen? I don’t think I even own a pen.)

Look, I don’t really get what you want from me. If you want me to be a dad, it’s better we get that hurt out of the way fast. It isn’t going to happen. It will never happen. Whatever father figure you have, (s)he’ll be way better than I ever would be or could be. My best advice is take the money and run. Trust me, you’ll like me better if you never meet me, and I won’t have to deal with the guilt of messing you up. It’s win/win, right?

Yours,

Tony Stark

P.S. I may not be a dad but hey, if you ever need money/favours hit me up. I have assets coming out of my ass :P

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Dear Mr Stark,

            I'm not sure how I was supposed to send the letters to your home when I don't know your address, it isn't exactly public record you know.  If it was I imagine it would be swarming with fans every day.

            The same with email, I don't have your address. And even if I did, emails are easy to delete. Letters get kept and re-read, or atleast that is what my Aunt said...

            I'm not really sure what I want, but I would like some sort of relationship. You know I'm 16 right? Not 5, there isn't really a lot you could do to mess me up at this point, I'm pretty much fully formed.

But if you don't want to see me, then maybe we could just keep writing for a while? I do have some questions afterall...Like do you remember my mother at all?

Yours sincerely,

Penelope

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Dear Penelope,

Right. I guess sometimes I forget not everyone has my record-tracing prowess. Seriously though, Pepper opens anything addressed to me so maybe put a mark on the envelopes or something.

The point is, sorry, but I’m not really interested in a relationship. Trust me, you’re better off out. I’ll stand by you financially or help you out with jobs or placements or whatever, but don’t expect me to be involved. I don’t know how to be that guy.

As for your mom, to be honest, kid, you’re going to have to be more specific. A name would be useful, but the year you were conceived was the year my folks died and I started running SI, and it was a busy year for me girl-wise (I wasn’t a very nice twenty-something). I don’t remember the project either, so I guess it was shelved. Can’t you ask your mom about it?

Yours etc. etc.

Tony  

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Dear Mr Stark,

I guess you really don't open any of your own mail. I mentioned it in the first letter, my Mom died when I was a kid, my Step Dad too.  There was a plane crash when I was Seven. My parents left me with my Aunt and Uncle and just...never came back. I've lived with my Aunt May and Uncle Ben since then...but it is just me and Aunt May now. Uncle Ben was murdered about a year ago...

My Mom was called Mary Parker, I put a picture in the envelope to help you remember. I guess I can understand why you might not..it was a long time ago after all.

Thank you for the money by the way. I know Aunt May was worrying about paying for college. It does feel a little weird to take money from you when we've never met though...

Yours sincerely.

P.S I hope the Ironman sticker will do as a mark. Childish I know, but I thought you'd appreciate it.

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Dear Penelope,

I remember your mom now I see her, though she wasn’t Parker back then. She was a little older than me, very smart, and brushed her teeth like five times a day, even at work. Also, she named every piece of equipment in the lab. It was cute.

That said, we weren’t ever a couple. To be honest, I didn’t even know her that well. We had fun working together, and then after my folks died and she broke up with her fiancée we fell together one time. I never knew she got pregnant, it was barely anything. She left the company when she got back together with him. She seemed pretty happy about it though.

I also looked up the Ultron project. It was something I started while my Dad was still calling the shots, automaton soldiers and guards. To be honest, it was more about seeing if we could- I was building on what I’d already done with the robot arms, to see if we could form an independently operating body. It got shelved when I took over the business and had more important stuff to focus on, especially as we hadn’t made much progress. It seems to have some potential though, I might go back to it. So thanks for reminding me, I guess.

Iron Man stickers are awesome. I’m glad to know you have such good taste.

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark,

I don't really remember much about my Mom, but I'm pretty sure she named out toaster something... No idea about the teeth thing though.

Don't worry, I wasn't expecting some grand romantic tale. I knew I was born shortly after my Mom got married, so to be honest I was worried she'd cheated on my Step Dad. I'm glad she didn't.

My Mom went to work for Oscorp with my Step Dad when she left Stark Industries. I guess it was to hide the pregnancy from you, but maybe she just wanted to be closer to him.

There is something I need to ask, and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. Do I have any siblings anywhere? Because those letters your Lawyers sent seems to be kind of a template...it seemed like this wasn't the first time this has happened to you.

Your sincerely,

P.S It was either Iron Man or Spiderman.

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Dear Penelope,

No siblings. Plenty of people have made the claim, but you’re the first where the test came back positive. I don’t think legal was quite sure what to do with you. Paternity tests we’re used to, they have my sample on file because it happens at least once a month. It’s kind of a pain.

Oscorp is a terrible company and she should have stayed with me, just saying. Hope you know where your loyalties lie!

I don’t know who Spiderman is, but I can guarantee he is not as cool as me. So good choice, nice to know you have some common sense.

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark,

Okay..just thought I should check. Make sure I shouldn't be writing any other letters.

So did you only hear about me when it came back positive? Or when I sent the letter?

As for Oscorp, I don't know. I've been friends with Harry Osborn since I was five, I've only known about you a month :P

Oh I sort of assumed you knew all the other heroes. He isn't in the Avengers or anything, but he has been taking down muggers and stuff in New York. He seems pretty cool. The Daily Bugle hates him though.

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Dear Penelope,

I didn’t hear anything about you until the test came back. It was kind of a shock, I’ll be honest. I’m not a father. I don’t mind writing for a while, but don’t expect anything to come of it, okay? And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to Harry or his father about it. I guarantee we’d both end up in the papers.

As for Spiderman, it sounds like he’s doing a good job with the petty crime. But still, he’s not really on the same level. I guess you could say we don’t move in the same circles.

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark,

Don't worry...I wasn't planning on saying anything to Harry..or anyone. I'm in high school, if I said something like that without proof I'd be known as a liar until I graduated...

Well Spiderman hasn't been around long, I'm sure he'd have helped stop the attack in New York if he had had his powers back then.

I appreciate you taking the time to write to me. Is there anything you'd like to know?

Penny

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Dear Penelope,

How come you’re such a Spider-fan? I tried talking to him the other night and he was kind of rude. Just ran a mile when I got near. I think he might be up to something, so tread carefully okay? And that goes double for the Osbournes. They are always up to something, fact.

There’s not really anything I need to ask. Anything you want to tell me? Ask me? You could tell me what you’re going to do with the 50k, if you like. You realise that’s not college money. I’ll send college money when you get to it, so you and your aunt knock yourselves out. Go on vacation or something. I like Paris in the spring time :P

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark,

There isn't much about me to tell really. I'm pretty good at science, but i'm not really your level. I mean I've won the science fair a few times, but that is only at Midtown High, it isn't exactly a  level of competition.

            Why do I like Spiderman? Well I guess because he has sort of been paying out rent the last couple months. I've sold quite a few pictures of him to the Daily Bugle, enough that Mr Jamerson has me on the books as a Freelancer. The money isn't fantastic, but it keeps the heating on.

            He was probably just a little intimated when he saw you, I mean you are a pretty big deal. I'm sure he didn't mean to be rude.

I don't know what I'll spend the money you gave me on...I've never really had money before. I guess I could do with a new camera, but that's about it.

Penny

P.S I'm not sure what kind of business rivalry you have with his Dad, but Harry is my friend and I trust him.

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Dear Penny,

I don’t know anything about the kid, I’m just saying make sure this doesn’t get back to his dad. Osbourne is a snake. In high school he outed a guy four years younger than him because he wanted to distract him from a computer programming contest. The kid was thirteen, he probably didn’t even know himself yet. The guy is an asshole who isn’t smart enough to succeed on his products alone so he has to push everyone else down behind him. DO NOT TRUST HIM. That’s the only dad advice I’ll give you, so take heed.

A camera sounds good. I’m working on improving the camera on the next Stark phone, I want it to be better than professional. Maybe I’ll get you to test it when the prototype is ready. Always looking for intelligent feedback. And hey, don’t sniff at science fairs. We all have to start somewhere, I started on the contest circuit too. It was a good way to pitch and test ideas and inventions without the associated risk or cost of an actual product launch. What’s your science, anyway? Honestly, I’m probably more of an engineer/inventor/mechanic/mad scientist, if I’m honest. I’m 1% inspired and 99% caffeinated.

Tony

P.S. Sending someone over to fit you up with solar panels and a Stark generator. Bye bye bills :)

P.P.S. Also sending a tracker badge. Pin it on when you go out snapping the Spider-tool and it’ll activate if you get into any trouble. I don’t want you getting mugged walking around the streets at night with an expensive camera looking for criminals.

P.P.P.S. Yes, the badge is shaped like Iron Man. Deal with it :P

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Dear Mr Stark,

            That does sound pretty terrible...but Harry isn't like that. Anyway, it isn't like I talk to his Dad much, he is hardly ever around. Running the company keeps him really busy I guess. I think I've only seen him about three times this year.

            Well I'd love to help you out if I can. It would be great have a professional level camera on my phone. It would mean I could leave my current camera at home, which would be great as it isn't exactly compact.

            I'm pretty good at building things, but I think I lean more towards Biology and Chemistry. It is amazing how the human body can be changed, just look at mutants or the Hulk. Not that I'm planning on turning myself into a giant green rage monster any time soon, I just think it is interesting.

Penny 

P.S So how does this badge work? Does it like track my heart rate or would I need to activate it or something? And what do you mean by activate? Does it send a signal to the police or is it like a rape alarm?

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Penny-

It measures your vitals and if they are at dangerous levels it’ll activate. You can also do it manually by saying ‘Tango Sierra’. It sends a signal to the nearest hero with an Avengers ID and/or any cops that are around.

Too busy to write much right now.

T

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Dear Mr Stark,

That is cool, but I wouldn't want to bother one of the Avengers. I'm sure if I'm around Spiderman he'd watch out for me anyway.

Oh, are you working on something new or is it business stuff?

Penny

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Dear Penny,

You’re the kind of person that invites strangers into your home for a glass of water, aren’t you? Listen, I’m sure Spiderman is a stand-up guy that is hero-ing for all the right reasons, but until we know for sure don’t rely on him. I tried talking to him again yesterday, but he ran off and disappeared. Seems kind of suspicious that he’d try to hide if he isn’t doing anything wrong.

Of course, it’s entirely possible that it’s just Hawkeye going through one of his periodic goofy image changes. Although, you can usually spot those by the fact they use a freaking bow and arrow. He’s a master of disguise, seriously.

Do you want a summer internship or something? I’m not around the SI offices much but I’m sure I could swing it for you. Or anywhere you wanted to go, really.

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark.

            I'm not sure I would invite them in, but Aunt May might. Though knowing her she give them milk and cookies.

            I think Spiderman is a good guy, just...kind of nervous. He might be worried you are going to capture him for being a vigilante or something. I don't know, just don't take it personally that he keeps running off.

Really? An internship would be amazing! Though I'd feel a little bad getting one just because I'm your kid, maybe I could just apply or something? I'd guess you wouldn't want people knowing who I was anyway.

Penny

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Dear Penny,

Is May the one you live with? She knows you’re writing to me, right? Seriously, if she doesn’t like it, we need to stop. I’m not worth giving up a family for.

As for Spiderman, can’t you put in a good word or something. Say ‘I know Iron Man and he’s totally rad’ or something. It seems suspicious to me. Tread cautiously.

There isn’t an intern application. Pepper and I hand pick all interns ourselves, you have to be head hunted. I don’t usually even meet them and I probably won’t see you, but I do see the work they’ve done before, including yours. ‘I only won the science fair because the competition was so low’, my ass. Bug cameras- cameras on actual bugs- that’s adorable. I want you to work on them this summer, see if you can improve the resolution. See, I’ve been looking into the Ultron project again, and one thing I’m considering is having them measure heart rates so they can sedate when people get out of hand. But imagine implanting it biologically into someone so they know they shut down if they try anything- bye bye jail breaks. I swear 90% of heroing is recapturing the same like five guys. Anyway, I’m interested in your whole body-heat-power thing, so basically come work for us for the summer, experiment, fool around with your ideas, and see what you have to give me in the fall.

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark,

I've lived with Aunt May since I was 7. She knows about the letters, she is fine with them, but I think she worries a little.

            I'm not sure Spiderman would listen to me, I mean I just take his picture, it isn't like we are friends or anything.

You looked into my projects? The bug cameras were sort of silly...I just wanted to see how small I could get the cameras and a friend joked that it was like I was trying to make them for bugs so...bug camera. I would like to work to try and work on the body heat generators though...I think there could be some way to get it to charge phones. I bet those would sell at my school, you wouldn't believe how often someone is looking for a phone charger.

            So, I'd like to take you up on the offer :)

 Penny

P.S I'm not sure about the ethics of putting a turn off switch in someone's body....

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Dear Penny,

Tell May not to worry. I’m not going to do anything. Spiderman might though. If he’s not your friend, you really do need to tread carefully.

And yeah, I looked up your projects. Like I said, we head hunt all our interns :P The phone charger sounds pretty interesting, though I can think of about 60 operational flaws you’d have to resolve. I’ll stick my notes in for you, should keep you busy for the summer. Pep will send you the rest of the details.

Did you see they’re showing some documentary about my Dad at the weekend? Just to say, don’t believe a word of it. He was a good business man but a crappy father, and I think they’re going to try and make it look like the other way around; not to mention make out that he and Cap were bff. Just don’t go watching it expecting it to be a true insight into your family history or anything.

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark,

So you were looking into me before you knew I was your daughter?

            I've worked out a couple flaws with the charger already since the science fair, but it does still have a long way to go. It would be nice to have some time to concentrate on it, I seem to find myself too busy to look at it much lately.

Yeah I was planning on watching the documentary. I probably still will, but i'll take it with a pinch of salt. Did you two not get on very well? That must have been hard.

You and Captain America are friend right? What are they like?

Penny

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Dear Penny,

Honestly, no, I wasn’t looking into you. Like I said, I’m not a dad, or at least not the kind that’s going to offer you an internship on virtue of your genetics. I looked up your projects when you told me you liked science and decided I wanted you on board. Actually, you were flagged on my system, I just hadn’t gone through it yet.

Let’s get something else straight- me and Captain America are not and will never be friends, mostly because the man is an insufferable, self-righteous pain in the ass with a serious hero complex. He’s a good leader and exactly the kind of person we need to lead the Avengers, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Steve Rogers, on the other hand, is growing on me. This is something I only recently realised so I’m trusting you to keep it on the down low, but Captain America is very much a character for that guy. He only wanted to help his country, he never wanted to be a symbol. I think he takes it way too seriously, honestly. He’s the kind of guy that likes to take everything on his shoulders and then angsts like a teenager about it, but in the ‘I’m trying so hard to hide my pain’ way that makes you just want to punch him in the face. That said, he is also a sarcastic little shi guy with the most perfect deadpan you’ve ever heard. He can be absolutely trashing someone while looking totally innocent. If I could persuade him to play poker for money instead of freezer contents, he’d make a damn fortune. Best way I can sum it up? Captain America looks politely bewildered by modern pop culture references and tells me ‘Now isn’t the time, we’re on a mission’. Steve Rogers decided to get revenge by quoting movies from the 40s none of us have ever seen, and then worked out that if he said something as if it was a quote he could make us watch Clark Gable’s entire filmography trying to find it before we realised he was trolling us. The guy is a dickh jerk, I’m telling you.

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark,

So you think of Captain America and Steve Rogers like two different people? It is like that with all the avengers or just him? What about Ironman, do you consider that a part of yourself or a separate entity?

            Sorry that must all sound really weird, I'm just kind of interested in the psychology of it. I think if I was ever a super hero, I'd see it as being too separate entities, like a dual personality but...not crazy. I imagine that would make it easier to compartment your life into different sections, Hero life and Civilian life. But I guess if I did it i'd have to have a secret identity, where as you are just out in the open.

            Can I ask? What made you decide to go public? I mean, I would have thought it would have been pretty easy to cover that you were Ironman, like said he was your body guard or something. But you choose to let people know it was you...isn't that really dangerous? Don't you worry about people coming after you or your loved ones?

Ah sorry, I feel like i'm sounding really judgy now. I'm not! I'm just interested really... I mean I wonder if Steve Rogers would have kept his identity secret if he had had the chance, I've heard he had turned down a bunch of interviews since waking up. He seems like the type of person to like his privacy...

Wow that got really ramble-y..sorry ^_^;

Penny

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Dear Penny,

Wow, twenty questions, okay.

1. Just Steve, mostly. Bruce to a lesser extent, these days.
2. I am Iron Man. That’s how I avoid the angst.
3. Yes, you can ask.
4. I didn’t have a choice. Bearing in mind how I became Iron Man in the first place, a lot of very bad people knew from the start who I was. I decided being out in the open would make me a bigger target than anyone else. I only really had Pepper at that point anyway.
5. I guess it’s dangerous, but the world is a dangerous place.

As for Steve, he turns down interviews that are about him. He’ll do appearances if it’s for a good cause. He was the key speaker for a gala dinner for veterans last month, and I’ll be honest, he did a good job. He had them eating out of the palm of his hand. Only thing is, I caught him in the bathroom five minutes later and he was shaking like a leaf. He’s a pretty shy guy when you get down to it. He always says Cap is the symbol and all, and he has to live up to that. I guess if he had a secret identity it would take off some of the pressure he likes to put on himself.

Tony 

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Dear Mr Stark,

Sorry...I've just been thinking about this sort of stuff lately...

Bruce is Bruce Banner right? I've read his research, it is amazing! It was a shame what happened to him. Do you know if he is going to start doing research again? I think he had some really great insight before the...incident.

I guess it was insensitive of me to ask considering how you became Ironman. I'm sorry. That must have been a horrible time.

So Pepper is your assistant right? I think I read an article about her once, she seems cool.

Captain America is shy? Really? That is kind of cute.

Penny

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Dear Penny,

Well, now I feel like I’m just trashing Cap’s image. But whatever, I’ll carry on. Maybe shy isn’t quite the right word? He gets stage fright and he’s pretty introverted, he’s nowhere near as friendly as he pretends he is in public. The truth is he’s a total dork who snorts when he laughs too hard. And I’m like 99% sure he snores.

As for Bruce, yes he is amazing. Send him fanmail. Send him lots of fanmail. The guy needs a serious ego boost. For someone who can turn into a huge green slamming machine he doesn’t have much confidence. He’s also a vegetarian, because he’s super touchy feely like that. He once got mad at me for borrowing his Bunsen burner to fry bacon, seriously.

So… what is Spiderman like?

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark,

It sounds like you and Cap are pretty good friends, that is nice :) Though I think I'll keep your theories to myself...Cap sort of has a lot of fans amongst the girls at school. If I told them any of these I'd probably be more of an outcast then I already am...

It would be a little embarrassing to send Dr Banner fan mail, he'd probably just think I was a weirdo. Also you really took his Bunsen burner? You are a billionaires! You are telling me you don't have a George Foreman or something?

Spiderman is...well he is sort of a dork too. I mean he makes all these lame jokes when he is fighting. Honestly I think he is just doing it to cover how scared he is. I know when I panic I get defensive and start making lame jokes. He seems nice though, I think he is just trying to help in any way he can. I doubt he could take on a big bad guy like that Loki though.

Penny

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Dear Penny,

Bacon tastes better off a Bunsen burner. Fact. And like I know what kitchen appliances I own. I’m not even totally sure where my kitchen is.

Cap has teenage fangirls, huh? Well, lucky him. Maybe someone should point out that for someone famous for fighting Nazis he looks an awful lot like their ideal master race. And that’s only because of what my dad did to him. Did you watch that documentary in the end?

For someone who isn’t friends with Spiderman you seem to know him pretty well.

Tony

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Dear Mr Stark,

You don't cook for yourself? Do you have a chef or just order a lot of take out?

Aww are you jealous? All the Avengers have Fangirls you know, Cap is just the one most girls think is the hottest. Thor is a pretty close second, so maybe the girls at my school just like blondes?

Don't you think it is kind of cool that Cap was basically the Nazi ideal, but yet kick their asses? It is like “Hey Hitler, I'm that perfect man you've been on about, but I fight for Truth, Justice and the American way, so suck it!”

I watched the documentary, your Dad did a lot of impressive stuff for the time. Though did he really have a secret underground lab? I know they must have had to protect it from bombs during the way, but it seems a little mad scientist-y.

What I know about Spiderman is just stuff I've picked up while taking photos. You know what they say about a picture being worth a thousand words.

Penny

P.S I liked your baby pictures by the way :P

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Dear Penny,

Thank you, thank you, thank you. There’s a memory stick inside the envelope which contains a new gem of comedy gold and a pretty representative record of my morning. I don’t know what your computer situation is given that instead of e-mailing we’re still writing letters like savages, so I also had Jarvis put together a quick transcript, just in case. Congratulations on managing to totally bewilder a national icon! (It doesn’t take much)

On the subject of comedy, there is such a thing as comedic exaggeration, you know.  I do know where my kitchen is, but it’s pretty neglected. I mostly eat out, or don’t eat, or eat things that don’t need cooking or more than one hand.  

Dad did not just have one secret underground lab, he had at least half a dozen of them. He was pretty paranoid during the Cold War, thought every second person was a spy while every second person thought he was one himself. I notice they left that out. And maybe you noticed with those stupid pictures that he wasn’t in a single one of them. The way they acted like he was a dedicated father made me just about want to vomit, seriously.

So seeing as Spidey keeps running away from me, Cap’s going to give it a go. We think the guy might just be a teenager, so we want to keep an eye on him. Put in a good word, okay? And now back to making my ‘Suck What/Who’s Dick?’ mixtape ringtone!

Tony

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{Audio File- ‘Suck What?’ 10345798}

ROGERS, S.: [throat clearing] Hello, this is Steve Rogers, Tony has asked me to record a special message for Penelope Parker- [papers rustling]

[beat]

STARK, A.: Well?

ROGERS, S.: Sorry, I should have said ‘This is Steve Rogers, who would be recording a special message if he could work out what the hell Stark has written here’.

STARK, A.: What, didn’t they teach people to read in the 30s?

ROGERS, S.: Better than they taught people to write in the 80s, apparently. I’m starting to see why you type everything.

STARK, A.: Psh, look, it’s perfectly-

[break in recording]

STARK, A.: -kay, okay, here’s the typed one, now, action! [paper rustling]

ROGERS, S.: What? It’s on? Oh, uh, okay. So Tony’s asked me to record a special message and, uh, here it is. [pause] Hey Hitle- wait, is this a message to Hitler?

STARK, A.: Just read it! Pretend you’re back in your USO days.

ROGERS, S: In the USO days I had better script writers.

STARK, A.: Are you really going to disappoint a poor teenage girl?

ROGERS, S.: Fine. [deeper intonation] Hey Hitler-

STARK, A.: Oooh, you’re doing it in the Cap voice?

ROGERS, S.: I don’t have a Cap voice. I am Cap, it’s my voice.

STARK, A.: She’ll agree with me. Don’t you, Penny? He has a Cap voice.

ROGERS, S.: Shut up. [throat clearing] Hey Hitler, I'm that perfect man you've been on about, but I fight for truth, justice and the American way, so suck it! [pause] We done? You got it?

STARK, A.: Of course.

ROGERS, S.: Suck it? Suck what?

[beat]

STARK, A.: Dick?

ROGERS, S.: Who’s Dick?

[STARK, A. laughing. Fade out]

Chapter Text

Dear Mr Stark,

            You got him to say it?! How on earth did you get him to let you record him saying that? You know if you put that on the internet it would probably go viral in hours right? Did you ever explain the dick thing? It is kind of adorable he didn't realise XD. Thank you, I enjoyed that.

It doesn't sound like you have the healthiest diet...if I don't eat Aunt May guilts trips me, and she is pretty strict on how much we can have take out. Maybe you should try a home cooked meal now and then, even if you aren't the one who cooks it.

I'm sorry you and your dad had such a bad relationship, was it any better with your Mother? I noticed her in a few of the pictures, she was very pretty.

Penny 

P.S Oh right, I got a picture of Spiderman and Cap the other day. Did he say anything?

Chapter Text

Dear Penny,

Steve is pretty worried about this Spiderman. It seems like they didn’t talk much before he got scared and ran off. I say he, Cap is suspicious it’s a girl in disguise. Apparently he/she is pretty young and, from the sounds of things, looking for one crook in particular. Promise me you won’t get caught up in some sort of revenge trip, okay?

As for how I got him to say it, don’t underestimate my powers of persuasion :P Or my supplies of Ben & Jerrys, officially Steve Roger’s favourite thing about the future. I think they should introduce a Cap-themed range just for him, like ‘The Star Spangled Flan with a Plan’ or something. Or just call it ‘Who’s Dick?’, though not many people would get the joke. I was expressly forbidden from putting it on the internet, so it’s going to have to wait a little while at least.

My mom wasn’t really around much- the lot of the boarding school child, I’m afraid. Did you get on with yours?

Tony

Chapter Text

Dear Mr Stark,

Cap thinks Spiderman's a Girl? Really? It doesn't seem that way to me. I mean I guess his voice is a little high but there doesn't really seem to be enough in the chest area for it to be a girl. Maybe his voice just hasn't broken or something yet?

Didn't the super solider serum give Cap like a super metabolism or something? I bet he could eat icecream all day and night and not get fat. That must be nice... What is his favourite flavour?

I don't really remember too much about my Mother. I sort of remember the big things, like that she used to read me a bedtime story and would never let me sit in the front seat of the car (she thought the back was safer in an accident), but I couldn't tell you her favourite colour or what food she liked or anything like that. I guess we got on well, but I was only a little kid, I'm pretty sure all little girls adore their Mom at that age. Maybe it would had changed if she hadn't left me with my Aunt and Uncle and gotten killed.

Penny

Chapter Text

Dear Penny,

Cap has spoken to Spiderman again and it is definitely a girl under there; and just a kid from what he can tell. Definitely too young for this game, we’re not even sure she’s in high school. He’s asked me to help him track her down, make sure she’s safe. Of course, he’s conflicted about it as a betrayal of trust and ‘she has a secret identity for a reason and if she wanted us to know she would tell us’, but we are definitely dealing with a minor so, like I keep telling him, that gives us some responsibility. So look, when you next see her, tell her to use that big science-y brain of hers and see sense. I know of a school for people like her, and an old friend of mine that can train her up if she still wants to do the whole hero shtick. At the moment all she’s going to do is get killed, and I bet her family would miss her. Just tell her, okay?

Tony

P.S. You don’t have to call me ‘Mr Stark’. My friends call me Tony.

P.P.S. Steve Rogers does not eat ice cream. Steve Rogers comes back from a month-long mission, inhales about twenty litres of cookie dough and/or Phish Food and then passes out on the nearest available flat surface. Seriously. He was once asleep on the floor in the lounge for three days. Three. Days. That’s basically a coma. And he woke up fresh as a daisy, didn’t even have a crick in his neck. Bast Jerk.

Chapter Text

Dear Tony,

I'm sure Spiderman knows what she is doing, and has managed not to get hurt so far. She is only taking down small time crooks after all, no one who could do any real damage to someone with the proportionate strength of a spider. Anyway she probably has responsibilities here that mean she can't just swan off to some fancy school half way across the country. She'll be fine.

Spiderman has great power, so she has a responsibility to use it to help people. Cause if she doesn't then bad things happen to people who don't deserve it, and the bad guys just get to run and hide like nothing ever happened, and no one gets any real justice. It isn't fair.

Penny

P.S I wish I could eat a litre of fish food. 

Chapter Text

Dear Penny,

Well, tell Spiderman I hope she reconsiders. If she has a problem, she can go to the police, or swing by Avengers tower. She’ll be much more able to help if she gets proper training first. Right now she just has Captain America chasing around trying to find her and make sure she’s safe and not getting killed. I know you like hearing stories about the domestic life of Steven Rogers, but until this is sorted there won’t be any more- the dude is like never home. He missed the last two movie nights, and I don’t think I can take much more of Clint singing ‘How Does She Know You Love Her?’ while we wait for him to catch up.

Oh yeah, that is a thing that is happening. Natasha has convinced Steve to catch up on Disney movies. Actually, he was surprisingly okay with it. Then again, this is a guy that saw Snow White at the movies and thought of it as cutting edge because it was animated and in colour. Hell, he saw The Three Caballeros and thought it was quote, ‘pretty good’, even though it makes precisely zero sense. We’re up to the 2000s now, and if he doesn’t watch Enchanted soon I swear I will not be responsible for what happens to Clint.

Also, Steve’s new favourite insult is ‘dishonour on your cow’. Beneath the veneer of a sassy soldier, the guy is a colossal dork. Super uncool. Tell all the girls at your school they should be fans of Iron Man instead :P

Tony

Chapter Text

Dear Tony,

I think she thinks the police are already doing all they can, and it isn't resulting in much.

I'm not sure she'd feel comfortable dropping by Avengers Tower yet either.

I'll ask her to talk to Captain America, maybe she can convince him she is alright on her own, or atleast get him to take a break and catch up on Disney films. It is sweet that he is worried about her, but he doesn't have to be. She has everything under control.

You know all the guys think you are awesome right? You just aren't as popular with the girls because well...you are literally old enough to be their fathers. :P

Penny

P.S If you are getting annoyed now, I don't know how you'll cope when you get to Frozen.

Chapter Text

Dear Penny,

Okay, first, if I’m old enough to be their dad than Steve is old enough to be their granddad. Great granddad even. He was born in 1917, he’s almost a hundred. Just saying.

(Also he was not born on 4th July. That was a lie made up by the USO tours as part of the Captain America brand. His birthday is in, like, November. I was crushed.)

I’m not sure Spiderman does have it all under control. If she’s just out for revenge, she’s doing it for the wrong reasons. Understandable, maybe, but if the police catch her there will be trouble. I don’t think she’s going to get Cap to back down.

Take care, okay? Spiderman gets into some pretty dangerous situations.

Tony

Chapter Text

Registration/Opt Out with the Make a Wish Foundation

Dear Penelope,

Every year the Make a Wish Foundation helps hundreds of young people like you to make their dreams come true. We are writing to you today to ask you and parent or guardian to fill out the following registration form or to let us know that you are opting out of the scheme. Under normal circumstances, this would have been done at the onset of treatment, so please return it as soon as you can. The full terms and conditions are enclosed and if you have any further questions your Oncologist will be only too happy to help.

We must also inform you that we were made aware of your situation by a high profile donor who wishes to remain anonymous. They would, however, like you to know that they are willing to pay the entire cost of your treatment if necessary and urge you to contact your hospital immediately. We would like to join them in urging you to follow this advice and get the help you need. Childline are available 24/7 on Freephone number 0800 1111 and have specially trained advisors to support you even when things are at their most difficult.

Please note that misuse of or false claims upon the charity’s money are considered fraudulent and are subject to criminal investigation.

Best wishes,

Mandy McConvill

Client Liason

The Make-a-Wish Foundation

Chapter Text

Dear Tony,

            Do you know anything about this weird letter I got? I called the company to tell them they must have the wrong address, but they seemed pretty certain it was correct. It took me a while to convince them I wasn't really sick (they keeps saying I was in denial), and in the end I just told them I'd fill out the Opt out form so they wouldn't have to do anything...

             A Revenge trip makes it sound like Spiderman is planning to hurt the guy when she finds him. That isn't right, she just wants him brought to justice. That guy killed an innocent man, it isn't fair that he gets to stay free, and Spiderman is the only one doing anything to try and catch him! If she does nothing then he could end up hurting someone else.

Penny

P.S Steve was frozen for 70 years so he still looks like he is in his late 20s, thats all girls really care about.

(Make a Wish letter enclosed)

Chapter Text

Dear Penny,

Okay, so, this is a classic case of Steve-sappy-Rogers taking something too far. The thing is, I kind of told him you were dying. I know that sounds bad, but we agreed we weren’t going to tell anyone about me and your mom so when I was trying to persuade him to do the 'Suck What/Who's Dick' recording at first I just said you were going to intern for me but I could see that wasn’t going to take so I might have implied- implied!!- that you didn’t have long left. I didn’t actually lie, so really, the misunderstanding is his fault. Besides, you got a kick ass recording, Steve got to do a good deed, I got a good laugh, it was win/win/win, right?

I admit, I didn’t take it into account that he would try to find you, or freak out when it turned out you weren’t in hospital like you were meant to be. I didn’t expect him to apparently offer to pay for your care either, but I probably should have done. Anyway, I’ll come clean with Steve too (about you not being sick, not about the rest) and they should leave you alone. So, okay, my bad. It was mostly Steve’s fault for going overboard though!

Anyway, you know you’re saying Spiderman’s reasons are still essentially selfish, right? She doesn’t have to be the only one going after this guy either. If she comes by the tower, we won’t try and uncover her identity. We just want to help.

Tony

P.S. It occurs to me now that Cap may have put two and two together. You’d be worried too if you thought a terminal cancer kid was out playing superhero, right?

Chapter Text

Dear Tony,

You told him I was dying?! You told him you had an intern who was dying and that their last wish was to have a recording of Captain America telling Hitler to suck it? Seriously?! Wow that is...

For a genius you are kind of an idiot! You know he'll be wondering not only why you wanted the tape, but also why you lied about me right?

It was really sweet of Cap to offer to pay for my treatment, even if I don't need it. Does he get a lot of money from people licensing his likeness or something? The hospital bills would have probably been a lot...

And Spiderman's reasons aren't selfish! The police are looking, but they are failing, and no wonder when they have a hundred of other crimes to solve each day. Spiderman is helping take some of the work load. If she captures or the muggers and car thieves then they'll have more time to concentrate on the big things like drug lords or whatever. It is a public service.

She won't be coming by the tower any time soon. 

Penny

P.S Well now he knows that Spiderman isn't a terminally ill, maybe he'll leave her be and you guys can get back to your Disney movies.

Chapter Text

Dear Penny,

I’m guessing you’re pissed with me now. Well, congratulations, that’s what having a deadbeat for a dad is all about.

Look, I’ve said it a hundred times, I’m not really your dad. I’m not saying that to be mean or to escape responsibility; honestly, if I did have a daughter like you I’d be like, super proud. I say it because I know I can’t take any credit for you (except for excellent genetics) and, given that I wasn’t around to raise you, I don’t have any authority over you. I have no right to call you my daughter when I was never there for you. Don’t worry, I know I have no right to tell you what to do either. I can’t even say that if I had known about you I would have been involved sooner, because I was kind of a jerk that way. But hey, if I had raised you, you probably wouldn’t have turned out so well. So maybe you should count yourself lucky.

Problem is, it’s a two way street. If you don’t want me to have any authority over you then I only have the tiniest bit of responsibility towards you and I don’t have to justify myself to you. Especially when I was only trying to do something nice for you. And you got a kick out of it, so at least there was one time in your life when I made you happy for a while.

One more thing. If I was a proper dad and not just a biological one, I’d tell you to go to Xavier’s School. I’d want you to be safe, because losing you would probably be the worst thing I could imagine.

Instead I’m going to say that we’ll help. I already pulled up the police reports and I think we can track this guy down from the forensic evidence at the scene. I know you’re mad at me, but maybe you can stop being stupid and we can do this together. You just need to think about what you’re going to do once we have him.

Tony

P.S. My dad never apologised to me. On the rare, rare occasion he felt guilty, he just bought me something. So I guess what I’m trying to say is sorry. If I need to apologise for trying to do something nice for you, then I’m sorry.

Chapter Text

Dear Tony,

I wasn't angry, I was just...explaining with exclamation marks....

Look all I was saying was if you want to keep us a secret you need to keeps the amount of lies you tell to the minimum. The more you tell the more you are likely to get caught out and then people will be suspicious about why you were lying in the first place....but I guess it came off a little snappy...so, sorry.

I did appreciate the recording, and I appreciate that you keep writing to me even though you probably don't really want to.

Thank you for offering to help, but I really can handle this on my own. I told you, I only want justice. I'm not planning on hurting the guy when I find him, I just want to hand him over to the police so he can have a trial and go to prison.

Penny

P.S Xavier's school won't accept me. I'm not a mutant. Or I guess I should say my powers aren't caused by the Mutant X gene. I'm a mutagen.

Chapter Text

Dear Penny,

First, how the hell did you get your powers? If someone has been experimenting on you, you need to tell us right now. (Also, the school would totally take you. Xavier isn’t going to care what caused the mutation, just saying.)

Second, if you just want to hand the guy over to the police, why not let us help? The more people that are looking, the easier it will be, right?

Third, I am very good at lying. You don’t need to worry about being found out.

Tony

Chapter Text

Dear Tony,

No one is experimenting on me, don't worry. You know how I told you I knew Harry Osborn? Well since we go to school together, his Dad let our class go on a field trip around one of his labs. They were doing some experiments on Spiders and one of them got out and after it bit me I got spider powers. I think it was radioactive or something.

I've made sure to get my blood checked by a doctor by the way. No signs of cancer or anything.

I guess...but this is sort of something I want to do on my own. It was my fault my Uncle got killed. I saw the guy who did it rob a store, but I didn't do anything to stop him because the Clerk had been a massive jerk to me. I was petty and because of that my Uncle ended up dying in the middle of the street.

He was only out because he was looking for me. We'd had a fight and I stormed out...

Maybe Xavier's school would take me, but it is too far away. I can't leave Aunt May all on her own.

Penny

P.S Captain America called me Penelope today, so maybe you aren't that great at lying :P I don't mind since he only seems to know my name, but don't let him talk to my Aunt okay?

Chapter Text

Dear Penny,

You and Cap are still hanging out? Do you see him often? What does he say?

Second- DO NOT LET OSBOURNE KNOW ABOUT YOUR POWERS. Look, you made me use caps, that’s how much I mean it. You realise that kind of experiment doesn’t at all go with Osbourne’s usual lines of work, right? It sounds super shady, and if he finds out it gave you spider powers he’ll either try to use you or take you out. He’s on track to being a super villain, and if he has power-giving spiders at his disposal it’s even more worrying. DO NOT TRUST HIM.

If you won’t go to Xavier, how about letting Cap train you at the tower while you’re interning?

Your uncle’s death wasn’t your fault.

Tony

Chapter Text

Dear Tony,

He seems to find me most night nowadays. It is nice. He buys hot dogs, which is great because I'm always starving by the end of the night, and then we talk for a while.  He doesn't tell me to stop being Spiderman any more, I guess cause he realises it isn't going to happen. He tends to just asks me how things are and checks I haven't got into any real trouble.

Don't worry, I haven't told him anything about me being your kid. I think he knows there is something up, besides from me just being your intern, but he hasn't asked too many questions yet.

I haven't told Mr Osborn anything. I haven't even told Harry about the powers and he is my oldest friend. Mr Osborn does seem interested in Spiderman though, he has asked me a few times about the pictures and if I know him. He knows my money situation isn't great (or wasn't since you sent us the cheque. Thanks again for that) so he is completely willing to believe I'll camp out on roof tops all night waiting for a chance to get a picture of Spiderman to sell.

I still think you are being hard on him though. He seems like a nice guy, even if he isn't the best father around.

I guess training with Cap would be okay...since he already knows who I am now anyway...

Penny

P.S Thanks, but it was.

Chapter Text

Penny-

DO NOT TRUST OSBOURNE. What can I say to make you believe he’s bad news? Pretend I said it, and then believe it. He has the Bugle in his pocket. He’s trying to discredit Spiderman and you can bet it’s not just because of intellectual property. Please be careful.

Did you know when I was kept hostage in that cave there was another guy with me? Did you know he died buying me time to escape? We all have things we wish had gone differently. It doesn’t mean they’re our fault. If you wouldn’t blame your best friend for it, don’t blame yourself.

Enjoy bff-ing with Cap. How nice.

Tony

Chapter Text

Dear Tony,

            Okay okay, I promise i'll be careful around Osborn. I'll make sure he never works out I'm Spiderman. I don't think he suspects me since he still think Spiderman is a guy. I mean I'm his Son's best friend, it wouldn't have been hard for him to trick me into a trap if he did suspect it was me under the mask.

Are you upset about me spending time with Cap? I told you I won't tell him I'm your kid. He is just being friendly. Anyway you are the one who suggested I train with him. You can't really complain if I say yes..

Penny

Chapter Text

Dear Penny,

Sorry, I was pissed at Cap, not you. Or more precisely Cap was pissed at me and wouldn’t explain why. He’ll still go off buddying up with you though. He can really be an asshole when he wants to be, and he is really bad at playing the piano. Just so you know.

That aside, I hear he’s going to do some training with Spidey. It’ll be a little while before you can do it at the Tower though, I need to reprogram the training room. I’ll do it when I get chance, okay? Soon, for sure; I just have my hands full with the Ultron project right now. Your mom didn’t leave any of her notes round the house, did she? Anyway, in the meantime I guess you can do it on rooftops or whatever, right? It’ll be ready for you soon.

Also be on the watch for Loki, who is apparently a twelve year old now and super trustworthy (not). My life is nuts. Anyway, word is he’s goofing off with Hawkeye Jr and her band of ragtags. Anyway, you can bet it’s a scheme, so be on the guard against Asgardians bearing gifts. Given the whole teen-hero thing, he might try to recruit you into whatever he’s forcing on them.

Tony

Chapter Text

Dear Tony,

Cap plays the piano? He doesn't really seem the type...I'd like to hear it sometimes though.

 Do you think maybe he was mad because you insulted his piano playing?

It's okay about the tower, Cap says he knows of an old gym we can use. Apparently the owner gave him a key or something, so he can go in whenever he wants. As long as he replaces the punches bag, Cap told me he buys in bulk because he goes through like 3 a week. I guess he finds his strength a little hard to control when he gets into it.

            Oh wanna know something cool? I'm stronger than Cap :P or atleast I can lift more than he can. I guess the serum gave him enhanced strength rather than super strength, where as I'm pretty sure I have the relative strength of a Spider. I'm not sure though, I’ve not really tested how much I can lift or anything.... but yeah long story short I beat Cap in an arm wrestle :) He wants me to try against that Thor guy next.

Oh yeah I ran into Loki the other day, or rather he ran into me. He was getting chased by some weird monsters and I had to stop him falling off a roof. He seems nice..though I'm pretty sure he hit on me..which was weird. Anyway I'm guessing Hawkeye jr is that female archer in purple I've seen around. We've not officially met yet, but I've seen her gang around. I notice no one tells them to stop superheroing :P

Penny

P.S My Mom's note book was in the briefcase. I photo copied some pages for you.

Chapter Text

Penny,

Thanks for the notebook pages, they’re pretty interesting. If you don’t mind, I’d like to see the rest of her notes sometime. There could be all sorts of things in there.

Also, Steve does not play the piano. What he does is painfully hen peck out Three Blind Mice and something he insists is called ‘Dashing Away with the Smoothing Iron’. Apparently he used to trade his cigarette ration for lessons during the USO tours. I think he was conned, to be honest. Anyway, I demand that you have a rematch on the arm wrestling and video it, so I can remind him of it when he is being insufferable with the whole ‘Leadership is a burden but I’m going to boss you all around anyway’ act. That guy drives me nuts.

Speaking of nuts, did you really just describe Loki as nice? Loki? Listen kid, I’m all for second chances, but someone doesn’t become a pagan deity representing the literal embodiment of lies and evil by growing flowers and helping the elderly. Do I even need to tell you to watch out for him? It feels self-explanatory.

And we have told Hawkeye et al to quit. Steve even wanted to rat them out to their parents until I talked him down. The guy has a serious stick up his ass. Anyway, it’s different with them, because a) they’re on a team so there’s proportionally less chance of them being killed, b) they’re not my kids and c) b) we have trained them up a little, at least. We just want to make sure you’re all properly educated about hero-ing so you can make an informed decision and, if you decide to be heroically active, can keep yourself safe. We’re all about giving back these days.

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

I can scan all the notebook pages if you like, but be warned, I think tiny me may have got hold of it a couple times, because some of the pages are just crayon scribbles.

Well maybe Cap could sign up for proper piano lessons sometime. Aunt May used to take me to some but I'm....really not musically talented. I think I might be the only child in history to have their teacher quit them...

I doubt Cap will let me film me beating him in an arm wrestle. Maybe I can film the match agaisnt Thor, but i'm pretty sure that guy is going to win. I don't think Relative strength of a Spider is going to match up against the power of a God somehow...

I just said Loki seemed nice, and really I would have thought you'd be more concerned about the hitting on me thing. Look you don't need to worry, I'm not interested in 12 year olds, and it is pretty doubtful I'll see him again. Like I said, I just save him from some weird monsters. It could have been anyone.

So if I was on a team Cap wouldn't have been chasing me around as much? I guess I can see the logic, but I prefer working on my own. I didn't exactly inherit your knack for being charming. I'd probably be about as popular with teenage super heroes as I am with regular teenagers (See: Not very)

Penny

Chapter Text

Penny,

You only got one piano teacher to quit? Pfft. I got through seven before mother finally gave in. It was the same with nannies, hence boarding school.

Anyway, the notebook pages would be great. Your mom was a smart lady. And don’t think I didn’t notice the annotations you put on the copy. Let me guess, you wrote them on the first copy and then made a second to make it look like your work was part of it to begin with? You have a good brain in that head of yours. You know if you feel like quitting school SI would take you, just saying. You need a little polish, but your potential is incredible. I think if you’d had the same money and opportunities I did as a kid, you’d almost be level pegging where I was at your age. Stronger though. I couldn’t have beaten Cap, then or now. Please please film it. Thor getting beaten isn’t nearly so satisfying. And remember, he’s not a god. He just visited earth before we knew what aliens were and that’s what folk assumed. My money is on you, given that Steve gives him a run for his money.

Seriously though, what is it with these jock types and arm wrestling? It’s obviously not just an earth thing. Is it just an excuse for people to show off or what?

About Loki- don’t worry, we’re dealing with it. Just tell us if you see him, okay?

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

Well after the first teacher quit, I told Aunt May I didn't want to do any more. I think she wanted me to try again, but Uncle Ben told her they shouldn't force me. He started showing me how to fix things after that, which was useful, since our appliances broke a lot and we couldn't always afford to replace them.

It felt a little rude to make notes on my Mom's work. In the end I couldn't bring myself to mark directly on the page...so I scanned it and then made a couple notes.

I don't think Aunt May would be too happy if I suggested dropping out of school, even to work for Stark Industries. She has her heart set on me going to college. I was thinking of applying to MIT, isn't that where you went? Did you enjoy it?

What do you mean by dealing with it? The monsters or Loki? He sort of seemed like he was in trouble.

Penny

P.S I'll try and get a recording, but I'm not sure I'll be able to do it without Cap noticing.

Chapter Text

Penny,

MIT is pretty sweet if you’re into engineering and tech (which you should be). If you wanted to stick with the chem/bio route, well, they offer it but you might be better off elsewhere. Anyway, if there’s a college you like but the facilities are lacking let me know and I’ll pour some money into them for new equipment. Do as much research as you can into whatever subject you want while you’re at college, that’s my advice. It’s a good chance to focus on one thing without the distractions of other classes or jobs or whatever. And the parties are awesome :P

The thing you don’t know about Loki is that if Loki is in trouble it’s probably a good thing, and the ‘monsters’ are probably good guys. Like I said, we’re working on it. We’ll find out what he’s up to and get the problem sorted, whoever it is.

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

Well I'm pretty good at building things, I built my webshooters after all, and designed the web fluid.(I can't remember if I mentioned that my spider powers don't include the ability to shoot webs, I had to add that part myself.) But I guess over all I prefer Chemistry and Biology. I'll still take a look at MIT though, who knows I might like that place best whatever I take.

I'm sorry I ran away from you, when we ran into each other the other day...it is gonna sounds stupid...but I don't really want the first time we meet in person to be when I'm dressed up like Spiderman...

Loki managed to catch up with me a bit later. He seems to think I'm scared of you or something.

Penny

Chapter Text

Penny,

STOP TALKING TO LOKI. He is a mass murder, for fu JUST STOP

Next time you see him, call us.

About the running away thing, it’s cool. Honestly I wasn’t ready to meet you either. The training room here at the tower has been ready for you for weeks, but you didn’t seem to want to come so I didn’t tell you about it. Was that all that was bothering you? You didn’t want to come as Spiderman? You’re as bad as Steve. Spiderman is who you are, or a part of you at least. You and Steve both need to learn to embrace that. Your alter ego shouldn’t be a burden, otherwise why bother with it? I know you feel like you have responsibilities and that’s your choice, but I don’t see why you have to change who you are to do it.

I still think Xavier’s school would be good for you. From what I gather, they’re big on the whole ‘accepting-who-you-are’ thing.

Tony

P.S. Let me get an up close look of those web shooters sometime?

Chapter Text

Tony,

I don't think you need to be so harsh on Loki. Cap finally introduced me to Thor, and he said that Loki was re-incarnated, but that this younger Loki doesn't have any of the of old Loki's memories...so it is basically a completely new person.

And since this new person is a 12 year old kid, maybe we should give him a bit of a break?

It is different for you. Your identity is out in the open, but I have to hide mine. Plus I feel different when I'm Spiderman...more confident. Maybe it is the mask I don't know...

I told you, I don't want to leave Aunt May to go to school, I'm not sure she'd cope on her own.

Penny 

P.S I taped the arm wrestle match with Thor. He won but he said I was an honourable opponent, and then he tried to give me mead but Cap confiscated it because I'm under 21. Apparently they don't have legal drinking ages in Asgard so he seemed a little confused.

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Penny,

He killed HUNDREDS of people. He almost took out the Hulk. He nearly killed Steve. He tried to unleash a NUCLEAR BOMB. He’s also THE GOD OF FUCKING LIES. For such a smart kid, you really are being super dumb. Thor always falls for his tricks, you have no excuse.

If Loki kills you its sorta your own fault (writing indecipherable)

AUNT MAY WON’T COPE IF YOU DIE

I’M your fucking dad why cant you listen to me and go to Za Sa Xay the school? I don’t want you to die either I (writing indecipherable)you are (indecipherable) you don’t need Spyder man to make yourself feel it. You shouldn’t anyway but there you go

Im drunk right now but it’s your fault because you’re going to (largely indecipherable but about Loki)

JARV won’t let me dictate so I’m writing by hand and now my hand hurts so basically STOP FALLING FOR LOKI’S TRICKS YOU DAFT GENIUS

Love tony xxxxxxxxxxx

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Tony,

Okay I couldn't understand a lot of that, your hand writing gets pretty bad when you are drunk apparently, so you might want to re-write some of it when you are sober if it was important.

Look, this Loki thing is obviously freaking you out, so fine. I'll stay away from him. It wasn't like I was seeking him out anyway, we just ran into each other from time to time. I promise I'll avoid him from now on though.

Penny

P.S Is Jarvis your Robot thing? I think I read about him once, he sounds cool.

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Penny,

Jarvis is way more than a ‘robot thing’. The S stands for ‘system’, after all. He’s a fully intelligent network that works with everything SI does. He has a voice and a really annoying personality and he likes to nag me. He’s like my right hand guy. And he looks after the Avengers, of course. He’d win me a Nobel prize in computing if I was stupid enough to submit the code, for real.

Anyway, good, avoid Loki. And avoid Steve too. He needs to apologise to me.

Tony  

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Tony,

So why don't you submit the code? Is it the same reason you don't publish anything about the suit? Could he be made dangerous?

So why am I avoiding Captain America? He wouldn't tell me what happened when I asked, just got annoyed that you asked me to avoid him. You know if you are going to put me into the middle of a fight between you two I'd like to know what is going on.

Penny

P.S You know I never went through having parents divorce, but I imagine it would be a bit like this :P

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Penny,

My Jarvis couldn’t be made dangerous, not without extensive reprogramming. Doesn’t mean I want anyone trying to duplicate him though. Besides, he’s a sentient machine. If sci-fi has taught us anything, it’s that having too many sentient machines never, ever ends well. Also he’s sort of my friend and giving out code at this point would be like handing out DNA for people to clone. Super weird.

I told you to avoid Cap because he’s being an asshole and he should leave you alone until he’s apologised. It’s not really one thing, it’s a bunch of little things. Steve and Cap are both super irritating right now, as if being a jerk in one guise wasn’t enough. And it is nothing like getting a divorce because we were never close friends. I’m just starting to remember all the things I dislike about the guy. I’d definitely never be stupid enough to marry a guy like that.

Also, FYI, avoiding someone doesn’t mean ‘stopping to chat and tell them everything’. You’re bad at this.

Tony

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Tony,

I wanted to know why I was meant to be avoiding him, you can't expect me to stop talking to someone and not tell me why. Anyway I like hanging out with Cap, so maybe you could just ignore him and I could keep being his friend. He hasn't done anything to annoy me after all.

It is kind of cool how attached you are to your robot friend. How long have you had him? The documentary never mentioned him so I guess he was created after your Dad died. Could I maybe look at the code one day? I'm kind of curious now. It must be pretty amazing to make the A.I sentient.

I know Mr Osbourne has been working on sentient A.I, but it isn't that great. He showed it me once. Honestly it was kind of creepy....it had this weird female voice and couldn't do much other than follow basic commands.

Penny

P.S Oh before I forget, you know how I promised to stay away from Loki? That might be a little more difficult than I thought. He sort of goes to my school now, and is in my class. It is weird, he aged like 4 years. At first I didn't recognise him, but then he got introduced and there aren't that many people called Loki around after all. Don't worry though, I'm pretty sure he doesn't realise I'm Spiderman. He thinks I'm just a normal girl in class.

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Penny,

You need to transfer schools, right now. I will pay fees for any school you choose if you want to go private, I’ll pay to bribe a state school if you want to go there and they don’t have any spaces, just get the hell away from Loki. In the meantime, I’ll talk to Thor and see what if we can work out what the scheming little bas so-and-so is up to.

At least the idea of Osbourne making an AI gave me a laugh. That guy can’t program to save his life. He’s a business man, not a scientist. He’ll make out it’s all sophisticated because it has 6000 pre-programmed responses instead of making it able to respond for itself. Even Ultron is more advanced than that, let alone Jarvis.

Anyway, STAY AWAY FROM LOKI. I don’t know why I have to say that so much, but do it. Skip school if you have to and get out of there. It won’t be coincidence that he’s there, I assure you.

Tony

P.S. I did tell you why to avoid Steve. Because he’s an asshole.

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Tony,

What? That isn't fair! All my friends go to Midtown, I'm not transferring just to run away from Loki!!

Look he is just in my class, it isn't like I have to talk to him. There are load of kids I don't talk to. Honestly I'm not all that popular, Loki will probably just ignore me like everyone else. Plus, he is sort of hot now, so I imagine Liz Allen or one of the other cheerleaders will get their claws into him and then he'll have to give me a wide berth. So it is fine, I don't have to transfer.

Penny

P.S 'He is an asshole' is not a reason. Unless you give me a real one I'm not avoiding him. You know I'm meant to be the teenage girl here not you :P

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Penny,

Fine, then I’ll get Loki out of the school. I’ll show up as Iron Man if I have to. In the meantime, take a couple of sick days, okay? Call it a compromise. Just do not not not get a crush on him. I don’t care what he looks like, don’t let it undo the killed hundreds of people thing.

So what are your friends like, anyway?

Tony

P.S. It is a totally valid reason. He’s been acting all pissy with me when I haven’t even done anything wrong!

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Tony,

If I do that then Aunt May will get suspicious. Look I'll just avoid him like the plague. It won't be too hard, that school is pretty big after all.

And I don't have a crush! I just said he was attractive, objectively. A lot of guys are objectively attractive, but most of the time I'd rather be dating a rock.

Well you know I'm friends with Harry Osbourne, but then there is Mary Jane, she is really pretty and wants to go into modelling after high school. She is really nice too, everyone likes her so she tends to flit between groups from time to time. She always eats lunch with us though.

I'm also friends with a girl named Gwen Stacey, who you might have picked up in your head hunting. She is really smart and I know she is thinking of applying for Oxford. She is really pretty too, and kind. Her dad is Captain of the police force.

Thats about it though. As I said I'm not all that popular.

Penny

P.S Well have you tried asking Cap why he is upset?

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Penny,

How can you both be friends with a model-in-training and not be part of the popular crowd? I bet your status is higher than you think. I have come across Gwen, but there’s a reason I’m not asking her to intern. Her science is all theoretical and possibilities. I’m not interested in what could be done, I’m interested in doing it. I mean, come on, her last science project entry was a series of charts. I admit she’s smart, but she doesn’t have that daring that you do. (All from my side of the family, of course :P). Also her dad has fined me for speeding like three times, even though I’m basically propping up the widows and orphans fund. If you see him, put in a good word for me, okay? I left the suit outside a restaurant and he ticketed it, which I admit was funny the first time, but now? Not so much.

Seeing as you don’t seem to be getting it, here is a clear and comprehensive list of people you should be avoiding:

• Loki

• Osbourne (Elder and Junior)

• Captain Asshat

• Loki

• Osbourne

• LOKI

• Osbourne

• LOKI

You need to come out of the school for a few weeks at least. I’m not kidding. You aren’t safe.

Tony

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Tony,

Mary Jane's Mother is Aunt May's best friend, they live down the street from us. I've known her for years, and she never really care about High School politics. She is also super nice, and not the type to ditch someone just because they drag her popularity down.

Trust me, I've been shoved in enough lockers over the years to know where I stand. I'm smart and I'm not pretty, basically the perfect storm of unpopularbility. I don't really mind...I'm sort of used to it now...

I'd put in a good word for you with Gwen's Dad, but he hasn't really liked me since I tried to put in a good word for Spiderman. He really doesn't like vigilantes. He says that police officers act within the law for a reason, and that there is no accountability with Superheroes. I guess he is right, but it isn't like I'm hiding my identity to get away with stuff, I'm doing it so no one goes after the people I care about.

I'm not staying away from Harry and I'm not dropping out of school for weeks! I have exams! Anyway, surely it is better that I'm there to keep an eye on Loki. If he is up to something then I want to be there to stop him. I'm not going to leave my friends unprotected.

Did Thor tell you anything?

Penny

P.S Oh so one thing about High School. If you go out of your way to avoid a guy, but yet constantly keep an eye on him to make sure he isn't up to something, your friends start to think you have a crush and tease you mercilessly. So yeah, that’s what I'm dealing with right now.

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Penny,

I know you probably thought I wouldn’t write again after that stunt you pulled today, but I will because I’m pissed. What part of ‘Loki is dangerous and killed people’ do you not understand? I didn’t think any kid of mine could be so terminally stupid. Thor’s fallen for his ‘I’m a new Loki’ act hook line and sinker, but you don’t have to! Even if you believe this reincarnation bull, Thor said himself they usually remember their previous lives.

If you had just taken a little time out like I told you to, I wouldn’t have needed to show up as Iron Man. I wasn’t endangering any other students except him, and he needs to be dealt with. But congratulations! Because now not only do I know you’ve obviously got his back, Loki knows it too. I give it about two hours before he shows up trying to use that to his advantage. I just hope to hell you didn’t let him see you change into the suit either. If he knows who you are you don’t have a choice any more, you need to leave. Not that I think you’ll listen, given how much attention you’ve paid to me since you started writing to me.

I backed off because I didn’t want to hurt you, but side with Loki again and I may not have a choice. Don’t put me in that position. Spiderman should be with the Avengers, not against.

Let me be blunt- Loki needs to be taken down before he kills someone, and at this rate it’s going to be you. Think about it.

Tony

P.S. Spiderman showing up that fast? Real subtle. Now every kid at that school will realise Spiderman goes there, Loki included. Good luck.

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Tony,

You can't just turn up at my school and attack people! Especially when they haven't technically done anything wrong! What exactly was the plan!? Were you going to kill him or just maim him a little? I don't think Thor is going to be very happy when he finds out...

I stepped in because what you were doing was wrong. And you were too putting other students in danger. When I pulled Loki out of the way you put a hole in one of our walls! You know you are probably going to get sued now right?

You know what your problem is? You think you are right and don't listen to anyone else! Thor told you he isn't evil but you won't listen to him. I told you I was keeping an eye on him, and I told you I was avoiding him, but you didn't trust me enough to just leave me to it. I'm not a normal kid, I have powers that can protect me, one of which is being able to sense immediate danger! I can handle Loki, at least enough to go to school with him.

And for the record although there are some people who think it is someone at the school, they are still looking at the guys so no one suspects me. There are those who think I called Spiderman and asked him to come help, since I take his photo all the time, and guess what? That has put me square on Loki's radar. He hadn't even noticed me before, being that I'm in high school and my breasts are about two cups smaller than most of the girls, but now? Guess who showed up at my locker?

I'm not leaving school. I'll get Loki to leave me alone, and if he does something bad I'll help you take him down, but you need to back off a little.

Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you keep treating Loki like he is going to turn into a murderous psycho then he is probably going to turn into a murderous psycho!

Penny

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Penny,

What do you think the plan was?! The plan was to keep you safe! I told you to leave and you wouldn’t. I asked Thor to intervene, and he wouldn’t. I had to do something, and, FYI, I was trying to capture him. Not kill, capture. Because even if everyone else has forgotten, he is LITERALLY the god of lies and LITERALLY a mass murderer! Apparently Asgard doesn’t value human life very much or they would have locked him up and thrown away the key, not just given him a slap on the wrist and said ‘well, he definitely won’t do that again’!

And maybe the reason I’m not listening is because I am right. You and Cap and Thor can be optimists all you like, Steve can make as many ‘I don’t like it but he deserves a second chance’ speeches as he likes, Thor can lecture me on this mystic mumbo-jumbo until the cows come home, but you are all wrong! I’m not going to turn him into a ‘murderous psycho’, kid, because he is one already. Attached are the names and pictures of everyone he killed while he was here. Eleven of them were SI employees, just going about their business in the tower that day. If you really think Loki is different, if you really, truly, honestly believe that, I want you to go through each and every fucking one of them, look those pictures in the eye and pretend you’re explaining to them and their families why you’re trusting the scumbag that killed them. Explain to them, because I sure as hell don’t get it. I bet you don’t get to the end before you’re sick.

Now. Tell me what he wanted at your locker.

Tony

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Tony,

Okay look, maybe I was a bit harsh. I get that what old Loki did was a pretty personal attack, and I'm sorry you lost people. Him coming back must be hard for you but..the old Loki did die. This one technically hasn't done anything wrong, and putting him in a cage and telling him to be good...well that is just gonna end with you and Thor falling out.

I know you hate it, but me being at school with him is probably best for now. I can keep an eye on him and call you if he starts to do anything dodgy. If you go after him full throttle you are just going to push him underground. If he really is evil, let him think we trust him so he lets his guard down.

He just wanted me to pass on his thanks to Spiderman, then started asking me about my photos. I think he is hoping he can trick me into revealing Spiderman's identity, but don't worry I won't let that happen.

I'll be okay. I promise.

Penny.

P.S How much money did you give the school? They are talking about building a new building and naming it after you.

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Penny,

We’ll get Loki either way. I don’t mind if it takes a bit longer if it means we can keep you safe. Look, I haven’t been a dad to you and I’m not asking to be, but I at least have to make sure you’re okay.

I talked to Thor again. He’s going to take Loki back to Asgard and stay with him there. I know it means we’ll be an Avenger down, but on balance I think we’re all going to be a lot safer. Anyway, the Ultron project is getting off the ground and that will help plug any gaps.

I know you think I’m overreacting, but better that than underestimating him.

Tony

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Tony,

So I don't want to say I told you so, but I totally did. I said if you went for Loki he'd go underground, and now you have no idea where he is. If you'd left him, he'd still be at school and we'd at least have some idea about what he is doing.

I appreciate that you were trying to look out for me, I really do. But I'm not helpless! I have some experience dealing with bad guys and even more dealing with teenagers. You need to trust I can handle things sometimes okay?

Penny

Aww isn't she sweet? You should listen to your daughter Stark. I really had no interest in her, I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about with Midgard High schools. Frankly I wasn't that impressed, but still it did keep me busy. Now I have all the time in the world. Shame you won't allow me back :P

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Penny,

Look, you can’t stay pissed at me for showing up at your house. I showed you the letter, what was I meant to do? You need to be really careful if he’s intercepting your mail; and if he knows about how we’re related. Maybe you and your aunt should come stay in the tower for a while. Then I promise we can hang out when neither of us are in suits.

Still, do you at least believe he’s up to something now? It’s not even like he was going to Asgardian jail, he was just going to stay there with his brother. Besides, innocent people don’t run, let alone send threatening notes. Just be careful. Wear the pin I gave you at all times, understand? And call the Avengers number if there’s any sign of trouble.

Be careful,

Tony

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Tony,

Did you have to show up in the suit?! I told you Mary Jane lived near by, she saw you! Now she is asking questions and after the Loki thing...I'm not sure how much longer you being my Dad is going to remain a secret.

Speaking of secrets, what exactly are you going to tell Aunt May to convince her to come to the tower? She'll want to know why you think Loki is after me, and even if you do, that doesn't mean she'll agree to leave her home and I'm not going anywhere without her.

I'll admit I can't really defend Loki anymore, though I guess all he actually did was leave a note to annoy you. Maybe there is a non-evil reason he didn't want to go back to Asgard. Like maybe every one there thinks about him the same way you do? That would be pretty rough.

I'm wearing the Pin okay, but I still don't think you need to worry. I can look after myself.

Penny.

P.S. I'd like to hang out with you not in a suit, but lets wait until you actually want to. Not just when you want me to do something.

Ouch, she can be harsh huh? Not to me though apparently ~ You know rumour was that someone had a crush <3

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Penny,

He did it again!! You’re coming to the tower. And you’re giving me your damn phone number so I can communicate with you faster than a note through the door.

Tony

P.S. You know I don’t mind if people find out you’re my daughter, right? I just know you might mind them finding out I’m your dad.

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Tony,

You'll need to talk to Aunt May, I'm not leaving home without her.

I never said I minded people finding out you are my Dad, I thought you didn't want people to know you had a kid.

Here, My number is ##########

Penny

P.S What did he say? He is probably just trying to antagonise you.

Aww it is cute you two trying to make up~~

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Penny,

How are you finding life downstairs? Just ask Jarvis if you need anything. He can also get notes and stuff to print off on my floor, so if I take too long to check these e-mails just ask. I’ve upped the security so hopefully this is the last we’ll see of Loki popping up. Can we borrow a house key? Nat thinks he might be hiding in your house somewhere like the freak he is and Captain Stickass is against breaking the door down even though I could totally replace it with a better one and then I wouldn’t have had to tell you we were going and you wouldn’t have to say you want to come and we wouldn’t have to say no etc. etc. etc. Let’s just skip to the end of the conversation to the part where you give us the key and stay here, okay? Loki was targeting you for a reason and we don’t know how much he knows.

So, uh… sound-proofing aside, you probably heard the yelling earlier, and maybe heard your name. Just to be clear, Steve is happy for you to be here (he eventually admitted it was a good idea), but he was pissed that I hadn’t told him you were moving in staying with me in the Tower. Because, you know, it’s not like it’s my Tower and I get to choose who stays in the guest suite or anything. He’s just been looking for reasons to be mad lately. You know I said he was being an asshole? Well, he was kind of in a mood because I didn’t tell him about you being my kid/being Spiderman, even though it’s none of his business. I hope it’s okay that I told him before now, but you were the one who said I shouldn’t lie after the cancer thing.

Tony

P.S. The guest suite used to be Steve’s, so blame him for the paint stains on the desk. Apparently it was ‘too good to throw out’ so he wouldn’t let me replace it. But I drew the line at leaving the mattress, because seriously, it was like sleeping on a rock. If you want anything else in the way of furniture just tell Jarvis. We don’t know how long the two of you will be here, and other people will use the place after so get whatever you want.

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Tony,

You know i'm pretty sure your 'guest suite' is bigger than my house. It is really nice, though is everything in here a robot? Aunt May isn't really great with technology, so there is a chance she may set the place on fire by accident...

I want to come! It is my house, and if Loki has been hiding there I kinda wanna punch him the face. That is like...super creepy. I really hope 'Nat' is wrong... (Plus if you let me come I can water Aunt May's flowers and pick up our mail. Also I left a couple text books.)

Did you have to tell Aunt May about Loki though? She is freaking out and is talking about picking me up from school. I love her, but even with my lack of popularity I can't take the hit of my Aunt showing up to walk me home from highschool....

Penny

P.S. We aren't kicking Steve out the suite are we? I don't want to take his bed if he needs it...

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Penny,

Don’t worry about the robots. They pretty much do their own thing. If Steve can avoid setting them on fire I’m sure May can. (Although the guy is not so techno-phobic as you might think. His Medal of Honour scores are better than anyone’s; I guess the whole reaction time thing isn’t a problem to him. But honestly he has spent way too much time playing Animal Crossing. It’s super weird.)

I will water the plants and pick up your mail. Tell me which books you want and I’ll get those too. I will also punch Loki in the face.

Also, Clint is going to meet you from school; on the corner so hopefully not too many folk will see. We figured he’s the least noticeable of all of us. We thought about it, and I got told I was ‘too flashy’. Nat is too suspicious, Steve is too hot, Thor is too Thor, and Bruce would definitely wind up looking creepy walking down the street with a teenage girl. At least Clint you can pass off as your loser brother/boyfriend/cousin or whatever and say he just came by to hang out if anyone does see. He can be fairly handy if there’s trouble, though I can tell you from experience that he doesn’t hit as hard as your aunt does.

Your aunt doesn’t like me much.

As for the suite, it’s yours as long as you want it. Steve didn’t stay there long; he went off to Washington for a while and I converted them to guest rooms then. I didn’t want to change it back when he came back to New York, so he’s staying on one of the upper floors now.

Tony

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Tony,

You do remember I have spider powers right? I don't need an escort! If you are worried about me I'll just webswing home, it is way faster.

If you don't want me to come check out the house, then I won't. Mainly because I'm pretty sure you'll just sneak out without telling me or just go when I'm at school if I keep pushing. Just make sure you leave some ham out in the garden. A stray cat has been hanging around lately and I want to make sure he doesn't go hungry.

Oh I told Mary Jane about the whole you being my Dad thing...I hope that is alright. After you showed up I thought it would just be better to tell her to truth. Plus she needed to know why I wouldn't be staying in my house for a while. I told her 'someone' was targeting me rather than Loki though.

I'm sorry Aunt May slapped you...she doesn't think you'll be a good influence and is a little angry that I'm being targeted 'because of you.' I tried to explain it was because Loki thinks I know Spiderman but she didn't listen. She can be pretty stubborn sometimes.

Penny

P.S I thought other than your place, the only floors above me were R&D?

P.P.S Steve likes Animal Crossing? I'll have to remember to ask him for his friend code :)

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Penny,

Why are you always asleep when I want to tell you stuff? Come on, aren’t teenagers supposed to be nocturnal? Get it together.

Alright, so. We went to your house and it was... well, really weird. Cap was doing his fearless leader act again, so he had me watch the back and Hawkeye hidden down the street in case Loki made a run for it, and he and Thor went in. So I’m there waiting and waiting and waiting and nothing’s happening, and eventually I got tired of waiting and decided to go in. I figured I was either going to find that Loki wasn’t there and they’d gotten distracted watering your aunt’s dahlias, or I was going to stumble in on a pile of corpses. What actually happened was I went in, and Loki and Thor and Steve were in your bedroom, and instead of a fight to the death, Thor was honest-to-goodness scolding him. And Loki was sulking. And that was it.

Apparently he has some sort of invisibility bracelet and he decided to hide in your house because he, quote, ‘didn’t want to go back to Asgard where everyone hates him’. And then Thor was all like ‘I know, young one, but Midgard cannot forget about your past self’s crimes’, complete with passive aggressive glances at me. Anyway, Thor starts lecturing him about it being no reason to hide in people’s houses and snoop at their letters, and Loki argues back and sulks and generally acts very much like a teenager, and Cap and I are just standing there totally confused because Thor definitely referred to ‘the time when you lived as a girl’ and Loki didn’t question it, and then they got into a lengthy argument about who smelt most like a bilgesnipe. And then Thor actually made him apologise to me for the whole hiding-in-my-kid’s-house-reading-our-letters thing. Which, needless to say, is so not accepted. Anyway, long story short, Thor’s taken him back to Asgard and your house is Loki-free. I want to get in there with Bruce before you go back though, make sure the little snake hasn’t hidden anything nasty. If he’s gone back to Asgard, he probably wanted to go back to Asgard.

It’s been a really weird day.

Tony

P.S. Not you too. I buy Steve a Wii and all he wants to do is collect fossils. (I guess he identifies with them :P) Anyway, he just completed the collection last week. He’s very proud.

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Tony,

I was asleep because it was 3am! Why were you still up, thats insane!

So do you know exactly where he was hiding in my house? Because I do tend to use my bedroom for stuff like, for example, GETTING DRESSED!

Seriously if he was watching that I'm pretty sure I get to take his eye out with a fork or something. Eugh I feel sort of dirty now, I think I'm going to go take a shower. (Though the guest suite one looks a bit weird, why would you need more than one shower head?)

Oh would it be okay to have a couple friends over sometime? Mary Jane really wants to see what it is like in the tower.

Penny

P.S I'll have to introduce Steve to Mario Kart sometime. We can have a tournament.

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Penny,

It looked to us like Loki had been using the basement. That’s what he said, anyway, and we found bedding and stuff rolled up in a corner. I wouldn’t put it past the creepy little dude to have been perving though, in which case, yes, it is totally justified to remove his eyes with kitchen utensils. Excuse me for pointing this out, but he must have been in your room sometime to find your letters. So yeah, go ahead with the maiming. Also, showers with multiple heads are amazing and you are a poor underprivileged girl to have never tried one before.

Sorry, but no can do on the friends front. This place is enough of a target as it is, being Avengers HQ and all, without letting people know we actually stay here long-term or telling people ‘what it is like inside the tower’. All of us maintain other addresses and we tend to flit in and out a bit. I’m sure your friends are great, but they don’t exactly have security clearance. I can offer you a beach house party or something?

(Was this ‘couple of friends’ going to include Osbourne’s kid? Ahahaha NO. Remember how I told you to avoid Loki and you didn’t and that worked out great for you? Well, remember how I also told you to avoid Harry? Do that.)

DO NOT CHALLENGE STEVE TO MARIOKART. Steve has a very anything-goes attitude to competitive gaming.

Tony

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Tony,

I guess that makes sense, we only go down the basement to do laundry and that is all Aunt May. I'm banned from using the machine ever since I turned some of our bed sheets red...turns out I shouldn't just shove my suit in there without looking. I've hand washed it since, though it takes forever.

I tend to write my letters in my room so he must have been in there...which is really creepy. Also I think he ate my peanut butter cups! He better be planning to replace them if we meet again >:(

I didn't think you'd be too keen on letting me have Harry over, so it would have just been Mary Jane and Gwen. I guess I understand why you can't allow it though, so that is fine. I'll tell them it is a no go, but maybe I'll take you up on that beach house offer for the next movie night.

I'm not really the party sort of girl though. I've gone to a couple of Harry's but they are always just full of people being idiots and trying to break into Mr Osborne’s liquor cabinet (The security on that thing is impressive. Once someone hit it with a sledgehammer and it just bounced off like nothing. He really doesn't want people touching his scotch).

Penny

P.S Too late....I didn't really think Captain America swore so much...though I guess he was in the army and soldiers aren't really known for restrained language. He seemed a little embarrassed after, but it was pretty funny. I've never heard anyone call Donkey Kong a 'Blue shell throwing Son of a bitch!' before XD

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Penny,

Okay, seriously, if all Steve did was swear at MarioKart you got off lightly. He doesn’t seem to get that there’s a division between the virtual and the physical, or he pretends he doesn’t. Clint once made the mistake of sprawling on the floor to play and Steve kicked him in the back of the head to distract him long enough to overtake. He once told me he could smell smoke from the lab so he could hit me with a shell. Seriously, he is a right bas jerk. There are usually elbows involved. What I’m saying is, the guy plays like super dirty because he doesn’t see it as cheating. Ask him to rig the deck when we play cards, though, and nooo, that’s super dishonourable. It drives me crazy.

You like peanut butter cups? In that case, would you know anything about the peanut butter ice cream that’s gone missing from the freezer?

(Actually I threw it out because it is gross, but it would really help me out if you pretended you ate it. Thanks.)

Thor sent a message that Loki is being ‘questioned’. He assures me that Loki bore you no ‘ill will’ and hid in your house because he ‘considers you to be friends’. So, in light of that, WHAT THE HELL. Were you avoiding him at school before all this? You weren’t, were you? Were you getting all buddy buddy with him? What exactly was your plan?

Also, quit being asleep when I want to yell at you. Still, I hope you have a good day tomorrow. Try to play nice with the other kids, do what your teacher tells you, make friends that aren’t psychopaths, the usual.

Tony

P.S. About Osbourne’s indestructible liquor cabinet. Was the glass in it clear or blacked out?

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Tony,

Maybe you should just quit wanting to yell at me when it is past 1am on a school night!

Okay...I may have left a couple details out about the whole Loki situations at school, but that was only because you were freaking out every time I brought him up! So remember how I said that my friends thought I had a crush on him because I was trying to keep an eye on/avoid him? Well after he came to talk to me at my locker that time, the girls sort of invited him to eat lunch with us..

I know that is bad, but what was I meant to do? I was like being peer pressured into being his friend! Anyway isn't there some saying about keeping your friends close and you enemies closer? Well it was like that.

And we may have gone to see a movie together once, but in my defence Mary Jane and Gwen were meant to come too, they just never showed....

Sooo anyway, Steve is really competitive huh? I guess that is what makes him a good Avengers. He didn't try to trick me while we were playing, but he did nudge me off the sofa a few times when I was about to win. He said It was accident, but now i'm not so sure.

Penny

P.S Why do you have Icecream in your freezer you don't like? Is it for someone else?

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Penny,

Okay, one, don’t avoid the question about Osbourne’s ‘liquor cabinet’. That just lets me know you’re suspicious too. So, describe what it looked like. The guy has a (annoyingly excellent) wine cellar and bar in his basement. Whatever that cabinet has in it, I’m willing to bet it’s not booze.

Two, so your friends were setting you up with Loki and you just went along with it? I give up. You’re clearly insane. He hasn’t shown up since Thor got him out your house, right? I’m going to go check it out today, see if it’s safe to go back. I’m sure you’ll be glad to get away from us all. Well, except maybe Steve. Tell me, do you have a crush on him too?

Tony

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Tony,

I don't know anything about the cabinet, it just looked like a weird black metal cupboard with a lock and some black out glass. I only even looked at it because Flash and his neanderthal friends were trying to crack it open. Harry probably let them try so they wouldn't think to go searching for a wine cellar.

Yeah you obviously know nothing about relationships between female friend. Especially teenager female friends. There wasn't any choice to not go along with it! If I'd kicked up a fuss they would have just taken it as more evidence that I liked Loki. Unless they could see him being out right creepy, then they would have kept pushing. Plus they might have started talking to him alone, which I didn't want if he was dangerous.

I haven't seen him since I've been living in the tower, don't worry.

As for Steve...well I mean he is nice to me and good looking but it would be pretty weird for me to have a crush on him right? I mean he is older than me...so it isn't like he'd ever be interested.

Aunt May might. She made him an apple pie.

Penny

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Penny,

Okay, now I really want to know what Osbourne’s stashed in that cabinet. Think we can persuade Cap the Avengers need to check it out? Or, specifically, that I do? I really want to catch him doing something illegal and rub his damn face in it.

More importantly, someone at your school actually goes by the name ‘Flash’? That’s hilarious. Is he trying to be hipster and ironic or does he actually think that makes him sound cool? I know Steve will tell me off about laughing at a kid, but yeah, when somebody chooses to go by the name ‘Flash’ you have a social obligation to laugh at him. Invite him to your beach party. I want to ask how many minutes he has left to save the world.

And I have plenty of female friends, thanks. Like Pepper, who is like, totes my bff even though I was kind of a dick to her when we were dating. And Nat, who is probably my friend? I think. She’s Steve’s friend, so we’re definitely in the same circle. Avengers4life. (Although not actually 4life, because I think that life would be pretty short. But Avengers4aslongasittakesforUltrontodamnwellwork doesn’t have quite the same Malibu feeling to it.)

So basically what you were saying in your last letter is that you do have a crush on Steve. Well, sorry, but you’re not going to stand a chance against apple pie. I think he might have someone anyway. You know, all super-secret and whatever to protect them, blah blah.

Tony

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Tony,

It is probably just something private. Want me to ask Harry?

Flash is NOT coming anywhere near any party I'm throwing! He hates me! He's shoved me into a locker at least 7 times, and I'm almost certain he has dropped me into every single bin around school. He is a bully and a jerk, and his real name is Eugene so you can't really blame him for changing it to Flash.

Yeah you have female friends, but you aren't a teenage female in those relationships, it is totally different! Guys just don't understand how they work, they are complicated.

So you aren't dating Pepper now? Thats a shame, she seems nice and she is very pretty. What did you do to upset her while you were dating?

Penny

P.S. I didn't say I have a crush on Steve! He is a cool person, that's all I was saying.

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Penny,

Fine, ask Harry about his dad’s super secret cabinet. I bet you he’s never seen inside it. Second, if this Eugene is that bad, if Harry was actually your friend he wouldn’t invite him to the parties. I told you, he’s probably just like his father. An Osbourne is an Osbourne is an Osbourne, and slime is hereditary.

Third, Eugene is coming to your party. He’s the entertainment, ie. I am going to get in the armour and drag his face along the rock. Then I’m going to climb two hundred feet and drop him in the ocean. Asshole. One day you’ll make in an hour what he makes in a month.

About Pepper, then. I can’t really go into details because it involves other people, but I cared about her a lot and I think she’s a fantastic person, it just wasn’t love of the romantic kind. Honestly, I knew that from the start but went with it anyway because I wanted to try being in a proper adult-style relationship, and that didn’t exactly fly when she worked it out. She’s a smart lady. Her forgiveness was pretty pricey and all on her terms, I’ll tell you that. It was basically extortion. So when you think about it, I’m the real victim here…

See? That was gossip. I can gossip. Who says I don’t understand teenage girls?

Tony

P.S. You’re pretty oblivious about relationships aren’t you? Stay innocent, kid.

P.P.S. Steve is very, very far from cool. He told me to watch my language the other night. I reminded him about the Blue Shell Incident and I swear he blushed. He is a super-dork, incubated for 75 years and now returned to be the one dork to rule them all.

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Tony,

Harry doesn't invite anyone to his parties, he just posts them on facebook and who ever comes comes. I swear he doesn't know half the people most of the time, but thats Harry for you. He liked he attention, I think probably because he doesn't get any at home...

Do I need to remind you again that I have super strength? If I wanted Flash beaten up, I would do it myself. But I don't, because that is the wrong thing to do. You don't need to worry about me, I can handle Flash, I've been doing it for years.

I'm sure what ever Pepper got out of you, it was less than what was deserved :P and there is a lot more to female relationships than just gossiping!

I feel like you are trying to imply I'm missing something....are you seeing someone else or something?

Penny.

P.S I like that Steve is dork, it is adorable :p

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Penny,

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Pepper was my beard. Not that it wasn’t fun, but…

Tony

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Tony,

You are gay? Okay..well that's cool. Sorry I didn't work it out before.

I'm guessing you are in a relationship too, and that your boyfriend likes Peanut butter ice cream, so that is why you had that...

Wait you said Steve lived upstairs...is it Steve?

Penny

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Penny,

FINALLY. The ‘Penny’ has dropped :P I was starting to think I could make out with him in your kitchen and you wouldn’t get it. Steve is mine, so back off.

I’m gonna guess you have some questions, so I’ll save us both some time and say yes, I’m technically what you’d call bi, but I’d lean more towards gay. Women for easy sex, men for meaningful sex and relationships, if you want specifics. Steve Rogers, on the other hand, is the definition of bi in all its rainbow-coloured forms. He says love is love and the rest is (ACTUAL QUOTE) ‘just a matter of what goes where’.

Of course, that doesn’t exactly go with the Captain America brand and he’s not a fan of modern media invasion, so we’re keeping it private for now. That cool with you?

Tony

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Tony,

'Women for easy sex'? Did you seriously just write that? Do you maybe want to re-phrase that in a way that doesn't make you sounds like a misogynistic prick? Bearing in mind you, you know, SLEPT WITH MY MOTHER!

I suppose I need to keep this a secret? All right, but out of interest, you life has always been pretty public, how come I've never heard of you being with a guy before?

Penny

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Penny,

What, you’re yelling at me in all caps but you won’t actually speak to me? Stop being such a child. You know until I saw your e-mail, I was worried you were mad at me for dating a man.

And I didn’t mean ‘easy’ as in ‘women are all easy to sleep with’. I meant ‘easy’ as in ‘uncomplicated, for fun, without commitment’. Your mom and I had one night together, it didn’t mean anything, she ran back to her fiancée and I went onto the next woman. Get over it.

But by the by, I don’t regret that night. I’m kind of surprised to say it, but I’m happy I got to meet you, okay? And I guess I’m happy you kept writing to me, even though you’re being all melodramatic right now. (Steve says you get it from me. Then told me not to invalidate your feelings. I’m not invalidating your feelings, I’m just correcting your misunderstandings. Deal with it.)

You’ve never heard of me being with a guy before because this is my first time having a relationship with an adult. Remember I said Osbourne, King of the Dicks, outed a thirteen-year-old kid to try and distract him? Yeah, surprise! That was me. I still kicked his ass in the contest that year and for like the next five years, so you know.

Anyway, I was just a kid, I was more interested in robotics than sex. Only then the four horseman of puberty came crashing in and I realised that maybe I did like guys. I also realised that I really, really, really didn’t want King of the Dicks to be right. Or rather, he wasn’t right, because I liked girls too, but I didn’t want him to THINK he was right. So long story short, even though I was a raging bag of hormones that pretty much liked everyone I didn’t want to admit it, so I just went with girls. I got a bit older, started dating guys, but only ever in secret. When I got the company, I liked the whole playboy image, so I stuck with it. I had a look-but-don’t-touch policy with guys which, I don’t mind telling you, WAS REALLY HARD. But you know, don’t underestimate me when it comes to spiting Osbourne. :P

The thing with Pepper… uggh. I don’t want to say this, but... well, there comes a time where even I want to think about settling down. I feel dirty now.

Anyway, Pepper was fantastic, but sooner or later she realised that it was more a best-friends-with-benefits set up than anything else and dumped my sorry ass. Then in the process of the dumping she realised I knew and had known exactly what it was from the start, and then… well, you know how she runs Stark Industries now? THAT HAPPENED.

There. I explained all my personal business to my teenage kid. I even used caps because you seem to like them so much. Are you happy now? Will you stop with the silent treatment? Or are you going to keep on judging me for having consensual, good spirited, light hearted sex with a woman just because she turned out to be your mother?

Grow up.

Tony

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Tony,

Just don't say...or imply anything bad about my Mom okay? It isn't like she is here to defend herself....

It seems Steve thought I was mad about you dating a man as well, because he came to see me and talk about it. Don't worry, I cleared it up and told him I wasn't mad at you because of that, which seemed to calm him down. Then he offered to hit you, but I said it was okay, though I'll keep the offer in mind :P

For the record I'm I got to meet you too. And I get to act like a kid sometimes, I'm a teenager :P

Anyway you are forgiven or whatever, and Aunt May wants me to invite you and Steve down to dinner to say thanks for having us. Please note that this invitation is not optional.

Penny

P.S You lost your company to Pepper in the breakup? How does that even happen?!

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Penny,

I wasn’t saying anything bad about your mom. Geez. It wasn’t like she cheated on your step dad.

That aside, what did Steve say to you? Nothing weird, right?

We don’t really do the whole couples-invite thing. Especially not if your Aunt is going to make a fuss. Why did you tell her we were dating? It’s kind of just between us and our friends. I mean, I don’t mind, I’m sure she won’t tell anyone, but you could have checked…

Honestly, me giving Pepper the company wasn’t really part of the break up. I was pretty sick at the time, kind of in a bad place, and I felt terrible about what I’d done to her. It seemed like a good way to thank her. A multi-billion dollar company is a good gift, right? She’s a better CEO then I ever was, anyway. Much more business-like. And I just can’t pull off high heels.

Tony

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Tony,

I didn't tell her, she just wanted to thank you and since Steve lives here too, she thought it would be rude not to invite him. She might have worked it out honestly, but if she has she hasn't said anything.

Steve was just worried that I had a problem with him dating you. It sounded like he was worried about coming between us, it seems important to him that we have a good relationship. He is always talking you up and defending you you know :P

I told him there wasn't a problem, so that seemed to make him feel better. Plus he gave me a hug, which was nice ~~

Penny.

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Penny,

Do I need to put a five-foot rule between you and Steve? He’s so sweet and innocent I’ll have to protect him from your wily advances. I will bite you.

But seriously, yeah, he wants us to be friends. He was pretty mad I didn’t tell him about you right away, but I’m just about forgiven now. He’s really anxious for you to like him, so play nice, okay? And of course he talks me up, he is madly in love with me. I tend to have that effect on people.

Steve says we’ll come to dinner. So thanks, I guess. Do you need us to play straight bff or will she survive the shock of us being a couple? (Although, Cap is depressingly strict on PDA. Even if we don’t she probably won’t notice.)

Tony

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Tony,

It was just a hug, don't be jelly :P

Is that why Steve started training me? So we could get closer? Cause you know that is a little sneaky :P And here I thought he was actually worried about me getting killed :P

Great, I'll let Aunt May know you'll come. You shouldn't have to worry about her, she is pretty accepting of everyone :)

Penny.

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Penny,

Don’t be jelly? Is that seriously a phrase kids use now? Really? And I’m not. I can have Steve hugs whenever I want, and then some. Just saying~~~

And no, that wasn’t why Cap was training you. He was worried about you getting killed. (As we still are. I haven’t given up on you going to Xavier). He didn’t even know when he started hanging out with you. Remember when I said to avoid him? He found out around then, and I was pretty annoyed he was still bugging you when he was being all pissy with me. I thought he was going to break up with me, seriously. He’s more of a teenage girl then you are when he wants to be.

At least your Aunt likes Steve. She keeps calling him ‘a nice young man’. If she finds out I’m dating him she’ll probably think I’m a corruptive influence. Which I totally am, but that’s between me and Steve.

Tony

P.S. Have you seen Harry lately? I’m hearing rumours the King of the Dicks hasn’t been seen round the office for a while.

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Tony,

Mary Jane uses 'don't be jelly' sometimes, it sounds better coming from her though. I'm not sure i'm cool enough to use it.

I told you, I'm not going to a school that far away. I'm fine training with Cap, he is a good teacher. I bet I could totally kick you ass now, suit or no :P

I asked Harry about his Dad, he says he's been ill the past couple days, but with what I don't know. Harry didn't really go into detail, and I know it is best not to push when it comes to his Dad. Oh, Mary Jane kind of let slip about you being my Dad to him aswell by the way. Sorry, I know you didn't really want him to know. I asked him to keep it quiet for now.

Penny

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Penny,

There’s a reason I didn’t want Harry to know about us. You know that means his dad knows, right? Which means this will hit the papers sooner or later, and the fact it hasn’t yet means Osbourne is up to something. Which is probably also why he’s disappeared. So yeah, better invest in some sun glasses and a hoodie, kid, there’s a media storm blowing in.

Also, Mary Jane is totally uninvited from the beach party.

Not being able to pull off the phrase ‘don’t be jelly’ is not a question of you not being cool enough, it’s a question of you being too smart. (That said, I can totally pull it off and am now saying it to Steve all the time. It drives him crazy and it is hilarious.)

Tony

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Tony,

She didn't mean to tell him, it just slipped out. She said they were hanging out and he said they should stop by mine, and Mary Jane said I wasn't there and Harry asked where I was, so Mary Jane just said without thinking “Oh she is staying with her Dad”, but Harry knows my 'Dad' is dead, so he got confused and Mary Jane explained. She did apologise when Harry got mad at me for not telling him. I just told him I wanted to get used to it before anyone made a fuss.

You realise my 'Beach Party' now consists of Me and Gwen right? Wooooo....

Penny.

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Penny,

You don’t know how high school parties work, do you? You do an open invite, and then passive-aggressively uninvite the people you don’t like.

Anyway, I’m gonna get a few hours sleep and then we’re having a photo shoot, so, you know, find something nice to wear. And maybe don’t watch the news. But seriously, we need to get a better picture of you out there than your year book photo. Uggh.

Tony

P.S. Don’t want to say I told you so, but…………

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Tony,

Ah yes, I'm familiar with parties that. Liz Allen does it to me any time she has a party. Honestly she knows I know I'm not invited, she just likes to tell me to my face...

So Photo shoots are...weird. Did I really have to sit there for an hour just for hair and make up? I think I'm insulted...

Also why bother asking me to pick an outfit when you were just gonna get a stylist in?

Penny

P.S I'm going to strangle Harry when I see him.

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Penny,

So, just to recap: I tell you not to trust Loki. You do. He ends up camping out in your house for purpose or purposes unknown. I tell you not to trust Prince of the Dicks because if he finds out about us it’ll end up all over the papers, you do, and it ends up all over the papers. Just be grateful he didn’t find out you were Spiderman, and maybe think about, you know, listening occasionally. I’ve been in this game a lot longer than you.

An hour in make up is nothing for a lady, kid. (Even though it’s kind of hard to see how they found so much to do with such short hair). And you needed a nice outfit in case any behind-the-scenes shots get leaked. Half a dozen papers are already leading the story with how I ‘abandoned’ you, if they see you in comfy jeans and a sweater they’ll probably start crying neglect.

Still, if there’s a silver lining in all this, it’s that I’ve finally persuaded Steve that Osbourne is bad news. I think I can get away with going to investigate that so-called liquor cabinet now. I’m just trying to figure out if I want to go in stealthily, pretend I want to meet him over selling us out to the papers and sneak away to take a look, or whether I want to go in full force as Iron Man and hope Cap backs me up when I say it was Avengers business. Any thoughts?

Tony

P.S. I’m still not convinced Loki didn’t cast some creepy voodoo on your house, so you’re going to have to wait until Strange can go take a look. Sorry.

P.P.S When do you finish for the summer anyway? I’m getting further with Ultron but I could kind of use an intern. You can still work on the body heat generators in you want, but if you’re going to be free soon I thought I’d give you first dibs.

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Tony,

For the record, I didn't tell Mr Osborne, Mary Jane told Harry and then Harry mentioned it to his Father who thought it was 'in my best interest' to let the press know. Apparently it was so you couldn't worm out of being my Father. Though I'm not sure how he thought you were doing that when I am living in your home.

I still don't think you can get away with sneaking around his house to look at his stuff. You don't have any actual evidence that anything is in that closet. What if you go to all this trouble and it is just shoes or something?

Penny.

P.S According to Mary Jane, the press are camped outside my house right now anyway, so it is probably for the best we stay here a while.

P.P.S I have another two weeks, and then I'm done with school for the summer. Just got to get through the whole Gwen and Mary Jane nagging me to go to the Junior Prom thing first.

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Penny,

Osbourne knows you are living here? Now I am definitely going in to get a scan of that cabinet. If it’s just shoes, we’ll soon know. But this whole thing stinks of a scheme to me. We might have to pull you out to a safe house. I’m heading out now, hope school was okay.

Tony

P.S. You weren’t going to go to prom? But everyone goes to prom. Just buy a dress and put it on my tab or something.

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Tony,

Mary Jane told Harry where I was staying remember? It isn't like he is spying on me. I don't need to go to a safe house! Super Strength remember?

School was horrible! Everyone saw the news and they were all whispering and pointing, or coming up to me and asking me stupid questions. I must have had 15 guys ask if they could try the suit, it was ridiculous! Half of them had never even spoken to me before, but now I'm 'rich' apparently everyone wants to be my friend. I spent most of the day hiding so I wouldn't have to talk to people.....

I'm not not going to the Prom because I can't afford a dress, I'm not going because Proms are stupid and boring when you don't have a date.

Penny

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Penny,

I told you Osbourne was up to something :D I know I said I’d stop saying that, but hey, after finding some definitely-dodgy villain-esque equipment hidden away, I get to gloat. I’m done now, probably.

I figured maybe I should tell you what actually happened. So I went for option one, ie, being sneaky. I got shown in and I was waiting in the room where low and behold, suspicious liquor cabinet. I figured it would be their public-ish space if that was where the parties were. Anyway, I slipped a little micro-scanner on it, which was busy getting infrared and ultrasound and X-ray and all sorts of lovely pictures while Osbourne kept me waiting in the most obvious attempt at a mind game I’ve ever seen. Anyway, he eventually shows, we do the whole back-and-forth banter, I make some dramatic declarations of war/revenger to make it seem like that was all I was there for, he says he is going to destroy me and my reputation, blah blah blah, my scanner uploads to Jarvis and I get out of there, leaving the scanner to dissolve after an hour or so in a system totally-not-based-on-your-web-fluid-after-you-showed-me-that-one-time. So yeah. Cap still isn’t 100% convinced that Osbourne is up to no good, but now I’ve had a closer look at the scans and run them by Jarvis I’m reasonably sure that those are parts of some sort of weapon or transport or who knows what, plus some things that are definitely incendiaries. Unless Oscorp is planning a move into the arms market, those aren’t just prototypes. Couple it with the fact he’s apparently been working on super-power-giving spiders, and even Cap’s agreed it warrants a Shield observation. I give it about five minutes before they find something illegitimate.

And I hereby volunteer Steve to be your prom date. Just for one night only, mind you. Don’t go getting ideas :P

Tony

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Tony,

Um...do you really think you should be pissing Osbourne off when he apparently has weapons hidden in his house? I mean I know you have the suit but you aren't in it all the time...what if he meant a more literal version of destroy?

Also I can't believe you ripped off my tech without telling me, jerk ;P

I can't take Steve to the prom! He'd get mobbed, and anyway I still don't want to go. I told you parties aren't my sort of thing. They are just an excuse for people to act like idiots, and from the way Liz Allen has been glaring at me lately, I wouldn't put it past her to set up some major prank to embarrass me...

Penny

P.S. Just so you know, Clint won't walk me home anymore. Atleast not until I admit that In n out burgers are better than Five Guys (Which they aren't!)

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Penny,

Osbourne and I have been fighting for years, kid. In fact he’s probably only making this stuff because he wants to rival the Iron Man suit. He’s always copied me, but ten steps behind. So don’t worry, I can more than handle him.

You realise if you don’t go to prom now, people will say it’s because of me, right? And Steve would totally keep you safe from any pranks, just saying.

Also, you have a lot to learn about burgers.

Tony

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Penelope,

Before your ridiculous father chased me out of Midgard for something I didn’t even do- or at least this me didn’t do- I was going to ask you to Prom. Just know that whoever your date is, I would have been better.

I will be there all the same. It wouldn’t be a party without a little drama…

Yours,

Loki, son of Laufey, Prince of Asgard, Deceiver of Deceivers, Hero of Many Criminally Underrated Battles, &c.

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Tony,

Alright, but if you and Osbourne end up fighting over the skies of New York, don't say I didn't warn you.

I don't see how me not going to Prom could have anything to do with you, but fine. If it is to protect your reputation then I guess I can swing by. If only to get the girls off my back about going.

No Steve though. Everyone will just think he is my body guard or something.

Five guys burgers are the best! There is no contest :P

Penny.

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Penny,

It has to do with me because the press will make everything to do with me, and they will inevitably be outside your prom to analyse your dress, your car, your date, etc. etc. And if you don’t go, they’ll say it was because of me and all the trauma of finding out I’m your father, blah blah blah. (Also, I just realised we haven’t done a Star Wars spoof yet. I’m disappointed in us. We could make a Vine. Let’s make a Vine.)

With that in mind, I really do think you should take Steve. Especially with King of the Dicks being so creepy right now. I’d feel better if someone was with you, honestly. Besides, he told me he didn’t dance with anyone at his own prom and that’s just tragic. Also, I find he’s a pretty handy media shield when I want to do something under the radar. They love him. So if ever the paparazzi gets too much, you can just go ‘Look! It’s Captain America!’ and flee. Think about it.

I was supposed to say, but by now you’ve probably noticed a suspicious lack of Avengers in the Tower. Well, we don’t like to broadcast to the world when we empty the place out, but we have business… here. Wherever here is. In the middle of, I-don’t-know-Europe-probably. The wifi is terrible, were sleeping in barns or pop-up Shield bases, and Hydra is crawling EVERYWHERE. So all in all, I am only giving this place like one star on TripAdvisor. (The food is surprisingly okay for a place essentially run by a Nazi science cult).

Be careful while we’re gone and watch out for Osbourne. And Loki. And supervillains in general. And you know, the dangers of drugs and smoking and forest fires or whatever. In fact, just watch out for everything. Probably best.

Tony

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Tony,

A Vine? Seriously? Are you going to be dressed up like Darth Vadar? You won't actually cut off my arm right?

I did wonder where everyone was. Next time maybe give me a bit of a heads up. Though I have to admit I am enjoying the peace and quiet :P

Is there really going to be paparazzi at prom? That is so weird...don't they have better things to do then stalk a 16 year old? Look i'm really okay going alone. Going with Steve would just be...weird. Plus the papers might think I was dating an older man, who also happens to be a team mate of my fathers. They'd turn it into a scandal! Plus you know the Prom is Friday right? If you guys aren't back by then Steve couldn't come with me anyway.

Penny

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Penny,

Yeah, kid, I am going to literally cut off your arm for the sake of a Vine. Imagine how many loops we’ll get.

Prom is on Friday? Damn. I think we could be out here a couple of weeks. Take pictures, anyway. And I left Pepper with instructions to fix you up with a dress. Don’t try to fight her, she’s ruthlessly efficient. And yeah, there probably will be paps there, so at least get Happy to drive you.

I’ll give you a heads up about Avengers’ missions when I get one. We usually have to move pretty fast. I don’t have much time to write right now either. Clint’s flying the jet and Steve and Nat are trying to coax Thor into letting them bandage the wrist he refuses to accept is sprained. Jocks, right? Meanwhile, I’m supposed to be finding the next target. Shouldn’t be too hard, Hydra is not particularly subtle.

Let us know if anything suspicious happens with Osbourne.

Tony

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Tony,

Hey I'm just checking :P

Don't worry, Aunt May will be on photo duty. She seems pretty excited that I'm going to a dance for once. She even helped Pepper pick out a dress, and by help I mean argue about which colour suited me better. I didn't go with the red and gold one, just in case you told Pepper to recommend it. That is a bit too flashy for me. I went with blue instead, blue suits me :P

Harry asked me if I wanted to go to Prom with him, which is pretty unusual. I'm 90% sure his Dad told him to ask, so I turned him down. Honestly he seemed relieved, probably because I know he already had a date lined up and probably didn't want to tell the poor girl he'd 'changed his mind'.

Good luck on your mission. Come back safe.

Penny.

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Penny,

I am 102% sure Harry’s dad told him to ask you. Be very, very, VERY careful. I’m not even joking. Don’t be alone with Harry. I can see this turning into some sort of nightmare hostage situation.

I bet red suits you too. You need to be flashier! You know, the old Razzle Dazzle and all. The only way to get confident is to fake it until it’s real.

Tony

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Tony,

I prefer to mask my lack of confidence behind jokes and witty comebacks. The only reason I talk so much when I'm fighting is because I'm terrified.

Speaking of talking too much. Prom was...eventful. Mainly because Loki showed up and spiked the Punch with some sort of truth potion. So yeah he knows I'm Spiderman now, and basically everyone in the school is mad at someone else because they said something they should have been keeping a secret.

Like Flash Thompson who apparently has been making my life hell since I started high school because he apparently has a crush on me, but doesn't know any other way of showing it other than acting like a child who pulls the hair of the girl he likes. Also he it isn't like he could ask me out since I'm such 'a huge nerd'. You know if I hadn't had to deal with Loki I think I might have head butted him.

So that was my evening, how is it going with the Hydra base?

Penny

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Penny,

The only reason I’m not home right now is because Cap is being an asshole and saying we have to take out this one last base first. And don’t think I don’t know you’re deliberately avoiding my calls! You think you can just casually drop in ‘Oh, Loki showed up and he knows I’m Spiderman lol’?! I knew he was up to something! The second Thor takes his eyes off him he slithers back. Do you know where Loki is now? Does he know where you are?

I’m having Jarvis put the Tower in lock down until we get back. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. And answer your phone!

Tony

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Tony,

Oh yeah I'm totally gonna answer the phone when I'm under the influence of a truth potion! I barely made it past Aunt May!

Loki said it should wear off in about six hours, and I stuck his head in the punch bowl so I'm pretty certain he was telling the truth.

He said he just wanted to know Spiderman's identity because I 'saved his life', and since I wouldn't give up the information willingly, he decided to spike the punch. He wasn't being evil so much as an ass, and I'm not sure where is he because I left him at the Prom. Didn't want to go spilling any more secrets so through it was best to ditch.

Are the steel shutters really necessary? Aunt May is freaking out and I'm not able to lie right now!

Penny

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Penny,

The shutters are totally necessary, that’s what lockdown means. And do you really think I’d use something as flimsy as plain old steel? :P Give me some credit. You’re staying there and you’re staying safe until we get back. I’ve sent half the Iron Legion back your way just in case Loki and/or Osbourne tries anything.

Tony

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Tony,

You are really paranoid do you know that? If Loki was planning anything else he would have done it at the the Prom. And Mr Osbourne? He wants to ruin your reputation right? I'm not sure how attacking me would accomplish that. Anyway he probably figures I'm still at the Prom along with his Son, so I doubt he is about to make a move that would endanger Harry as well.

Plus you know. I HAVE SUPER STRENGTH!!! You don't need to wrap my in cotton wool, I can take care of myself!

Penny

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LOKI

It seems I owe you an apology

YOU

you think?

LOKI

Yes

You were quite right

Stark phones do work in space

Although I cannot access any of the emoji

I have to use punctuation like a savage :(

YOU

oh poor baby

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LOKI

Baby?

Why, Penelope, you move so fast :P

YOU

I meant the annoying infant kind

you know? the ones who live in their own faeces?

LOKI

I think you mean the sexy kind ;)

YOU

I mean the whiney kind

LOKI

The sexy whiney kind ;)

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LOKI

After everything you said at prom........

YOU

oh you mean after you spiked the punch?!

LOKI

After I spiked the punch with truth serum, yes

And what interesting truths they were ;)

YOU

yeah well it is funny how quick opinions change once you get spiked by someone

LOKI

So you don't like me anymore?

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YOU

I do not

I thought that was pretty evident by me shoving your head in the punch bowl

LOKI

Hmm, pity

Because I had all sorts of things planned for you

YOU

yeah my Dad figured

you know my home is now in lock down. So thanks for that.

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LOKI

It isn't my fault your dad has anxiety disorder and chooses me as a target for it.

YOU

You spiked the punch at my prom

it may be time to contact leg warehouse, what with you not having one to stand on and all

LOKI

I thought you would find it funny

Sorry I misjudged you

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YOU

do you realise how much trouble you caused? High school has enough Drama without everyone telling the truth

and if you really thought that you'd have warned me not to drink it

Jerk

nothing to say now? Text me when you are ready to apologise

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Penny,

Yeah, yeah, super strength, I DON’T CARE. Did you miss how many of us Loki almost took out last time? You have no real experience, and you’re on your own. You’d be dead in 30 seconds if it suited him.

He nearly killed all the Avengers. At once. Including his brother, who is just about the strongest there is. You might be good, kid, but you aren’t better than all of us combined.

And as for Osbourne, we don’t know what he can do yet. Just because he thinks his son was at prom with you yesterday doesn’t mean he wouldn’t slit your throat as soon as look at you. This is the guy that tried to out me at thirteen to win a contest, the guy who ratted you out to the papers, who is keeping the ACME My First Villain kit locked up in a pretend-y liquor cabinet! Why won’t you ever listen?!

Tony

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Tony,

Because I'm a teenager?

Loki is back is Asgard now, so you can take off the whole lock down thing.

As for Mr Osbourn? Well he doesn't have a whole alien army, nor does he know I'm Spiderman, so i'm pretty confident I could take him if he tried to attack me.

I get that you think I’m inexperienced, and maybe I’ve been an idiot with the whole Loki thing, but I can handle myself! I took down a huge lizard man on my own, doesn't that count for something?

Penny

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Penny,

Don’t try playing the ‘teenager’ card with me, it’s not going to fly. You know exactly what you’re doing. And sorry, but one huge lizard man does not an Avenger make. You’re locked down until we’re back. (Although, I did watch the footage. I give you an 8/10 for bad-assery.)

So, want to explain to me just how you know where Loki is?

Tony

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Tony,

Until you are back!? When is that going to be? I thought this would just be till morning! You know you are basically keeping us prisoner right?

As much as I know this isn't going to help my case, the reason I know that Loki is in Asgard is because he text me.

Penny.

P.S Pssst I was atleast a 9/10

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Penny,

Why the fu hell HECK does Loki even have your phone number?! When I get home you and me are going to have serious words about the proper use of a Stark Phone. Also, according to Thor, they don’t work on Asgard. So you know, the god of lies is probably lying. What a shock.

Anyway, we just have one more base to go according to Cap, so it should only be another couple of days, tops. Sit tight, Spidey.

Tony

P.S. Sorry, but with banter that lame you’re capped at an 8. You were too busy trying to do a ‘man voice’ to think of any actually witty responses, weren’t you?

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LOKI

I'm not apologising, but I need your help.

Come at once if convenient.

If inconvenient, come all the same. 2AM, at the sewer outlet (Romantic, I know) Wear your suit. Lives at stake.

(possibly ours)

P.S. Breakfast on me xxxxx

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Tony,

I'm not staying here 'A couple of days' that is insane.

I'm embarking on a prison break. You can add that to your list of things to talk about when you get back.

Escape Artist Penny xx

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Pen-

You are in so much trouble when I get home!!! I don't know how to discipline kids but I'm gonna work it out and then so so much trouble! There’d better be a damn good explanation!

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Tony,

You locked me in the tower, for what could have been days! What was I supposed to do?! And you know, really you should be thanking me for discovering such a big flaw in your security system. Better I found it then some bad guy right?

Look, Loki said people were in danger and he was right. If I'd stayed they'd be who knows where being used to power who knows what! It was like something out the matrix, teenagers being used as batteries....though the Matrix didn't have a giant birdman claiming to be Thomas Edison. I googled him when I got back, apparently he did a similar thing in New Jersey a couple months back...Maybe I should try and get in touch with that Ms Marvel girl, at least to let her know the bird guy got out of prison and is on the loose.

Aunt May is feeling better by the way, but she doesn't want to stay here any more. She is going to stay with Aunt June for a while until the house is 'safe'. Aunt June lives in Florida so it'll be a nice holiday for her.

Penny

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Penny,

Okay, one, don’t flatter yourself, Miss Relative-Strength-of-a-Spider. The lock down was never designed to keep people in; in fact I deliberately made it so it was easy to get out of from inside. In case, you know, I ever got locked in with a psychopath. If you’d been outside trying to break in, do you really think the shutters would have pulled apart so easily? Don’t make me laugh.

Two, you shouldn’t EVER trust Loki. EVER. Let alone run off with him in the middle of the night. That said, you rescued a load of kids, so, well, kudos for that. But you’re still in trouble! And you’re repairing the shutters yourself.

Third, your house is safe now if you want to go back. Besides, superhero or not, you’re still technically a minor. Your aunt can’t just go off for a fortnight in Florida and leave you on your own.

Tony

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Tony,

One, you are just mad I found a design flaw. Javis seemed pretty convinced I wouldn't be able to get out, or did you not let him in on you little 'easier to get out from the inside' secret? You know, I might be able to improve you design when I fix the shutters :P

Two, People were in danger, I had to go whether I trusted Loki or not. Which for the record I didn't, not after the punch thing.

Three, actually May can, which is why I just put her in a taxi. She deserves a vacation and I'm 17, which is way old enough to be left in the house on my own. You know I am capable of looking after myself, I can cook, I can clean, and Mary Jane's house is just down the road if anything happens. For the record I have been left on my own, though not for longer than a weekend. Still I didn't burn the house down then and I won't now :)

Penny

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Penny,

I thought you were sixteen?

Also, I meant you and your Aunt could go back if she wanted to, not that you could go back on your own! I’m not saying you can’t handle it, but seriously, this reeks of you trying to be sneaky. What do you think is going to happen that you don’t want May to know about?

We’re on our way back now. As far as we can tell, Hydra is gone, and we have Loki’s pixie stick. You know, the one your little psychopathic best buddy used to MIND CONTROL people. As if we haven’t had enough of that lately. Anyway, I’m gonna run some tests with Bruce, see what we can find out.

Tony

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Tony,

I am 16, but I'm 17 in two weeks, so basically 17.

I'm not trying to be sneaky, I just want Aunt May to have a nice vacation. She hasn't had a proper break in...well probably years! Anyway she never gets to see her sister now they live so far apart, it'll be good for her to catch up.

Technically that was the Loki from before, not this Loki. This Loki can't control anyone's mind, otherwise wouldn't he have just taken over mine already? You know, you could always ask him some questions. He probably remembers a lot more about that staff than you do.

Penny

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Penny,

Two weeks, huh? Great, we’ll throw a party this weekend. A birthday/saving the world party type thing. It’ll be fun.

And honestly, maybe Loki has taken over your mind. It would explain all the stupid lately.

Tony

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Tony,

I told you, I'm not really a party sort of girl, and I'm not really sure anyone would be up for one after what happened at the Prom...

He hasn't taken over my mind! Is that why you hit me on the head earlier? Steve said that was how Clint was snapped out of it.

Penny

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Penny,

To be honest, Pen-Pen, we were planning on some ‘revels’ anyway. So you can either come and have cake and presents or you can come and pretend it isn’t (almost) your birthday. You can still do the happy families stuff with May when she gets back.

Not going to lie, slightly offended you compared one of my parties to a high school prom. This will be better because a) there will be alcohol and b) Loki and Prince Dick won’t be there. Look, just invite a couple of friends if it’ll make you feel better; the above excluded.

I hit you round the head to try and get some of the stupid out. Did it work?

Tony

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Tony,

Oh. Well I guess I can come if you were doing it anyway, just ignore the birthday thing. Am I allowed alcohol though? I mean I'll only be 17...

Maybe we could do something small for my Birthday closer to the time, like go get dinner or something.

I just meant that the Prom was such a mess, no one will want to go to another party. Teenagers aren't meant to tell the truth...I'm not sure half the school is even talking to each other yet....

I'm not stupid.

Penny.

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Penny,

What kind of teenager wants to ignore their birthday?? You’re having a gift at least. What do you want?

And teenagers would come to any party if it’s an open bar. Your friends are talking to you, right?

As for the alcohol, come on, you must have tried it before. You don’t need to play innocent with me, I was stealing sips by the age of ten. Anyway, I’d rather if you’re going to get deliberately and/or accidentally drunk, you do it around a bunch of adults too old and boring to do anything other than laugh and get you sobered up then a bunch of moronic high school frat boys trying to persuade you to take off your clothes. Basically, you will be there, booze will be there, I’m not stopping you. Just go easy on it if you aren’t used to it. And don’t accept anything from Thor. I don’t think he’d risk giving you any, but I never know with that guy. You almost beat him arm wrestling so he probably thinks of you as Xena, Warrior Princess now or something.

Gonna be shut up working for the next few days, probably won’t remember to message. We’ll get dinner or something after?

Tony

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Tony,

Well I don't want to intrude on your party and make it all about me...

You already gave me $50,000. I think you are good on presents for a while.

Things are...complicated with my friends right now. Harry told Mary Jane he was in love with her while he was under the influence of the truth potion, and she...did not feel the same way. Then he was kind of a jerk to her, so now they are fighting and want me to pick sides....

Gwen tutors Flash Thompson in Math and wants me to talk to him about what he said at Prom. Apparently he has asked about me a few times. I've told her I'm not going to, but she won't drop it.

I've drunk a little before, but I don't really see the appeal. Alcohol just tastes kind of gross to me...

Alright, well good luck with whatever you are working on. If you need any help I can lend a hand.

Penny

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Penny,

Just invite some friends along, okay? It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Although it doesn’t sound like those girls are being particularly good friends right now. I thought you said Gwen was smart? Listen to me, kid, this Flash asshole? He can’t abuse you for years and then act like it’s all romantic because he likes you. If he likes you he should have, you know, been decent to you. I would tell him to get lost, preferably violently. And tell Gwen to stop romanticising dickheads before she gets hurt.

Okay, scan is done, so I’m going back to the lab. Do you mind swinging by sometime for a few more tests? We met some enhanced humans out in Europe-probably and it’s a bit too similar to what Osbourne was up to for my liking.

Tony

P.S. You don’t like alcohol? That’s cute. Your choice, kid.

Chapter Text

Tony,

Gwen isn't romanticising Flash. She doesn't think we should go out, she just thinks we should clear the air and then maybe he'd stop picking on me and we could start to be friends. I told her I don't want to talk to him and I don't want to be his friend, but she just thinks i'm being stubborn.

I promised Harry I go over and help him with his study, but I can swing by the lab afterwards. Say around 8 tonight?

Penny

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Pen-

Why are you still even talking to that jerk he sold you out to his dad! And stay away from Flash too.

T

Chapter Text

Tony,

Okay something bad happened, so could you come out of the lab please?

I was studying with Harry and this guy with a green mask burst through the window. He threw some kind of weird gas bomb at us, and I guess it was knock out gas because I started to get really dizzy. Anyway when he went to grab me I kicked him really hard in the face...but I guess it was too hard because he went flying back through the window. Luckily he had this glider thing so he didn't fall to his death, but Harry was still conscious and when we got outside he asked me how the hell I did that and...I sort of told him I was spiderman.

He promised to keep it a secret and I know what you are gonna say 'oh he did such a great job of that last time', but I explained to him that telling anyone could put everyone in the school in danger and he seemed to get it.

But...I think maybe the mask guy might have worked out who I am too. I mean I kicked him really hard, what other explanation could there be for that? I don't know...maybe he'll just think i'm a mutant or something.

Oh also, Steve is the one banging on your lab door.

Penny.

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Penny,

So, update- the questioning did not really go over so well. Natasha got over there and Osbourne just wanted to know if she was there for the Avengers or Shield. When she said both, he told her the police could handle it. (Right). Anyway, you might be surprised to know Nat didn’t kick him in the face ala Penelope Parker, because Cap had told her to keep it, quote, ‘boring and legal’. Of course, her definition of those terms is pretty flexible and she bugged a cop on the way in so we could listen to what he was saying. Nat and Steve are running voice analysis now, see if the slimeball was lying to the cops. He’s mostly blowing hot air though; ‘they tried to kidnap my son, I want them found, I want them dead’, blah blah blah. I sent him a text reminding him to thank you for saving his useless kid ;)

That aside, I think it’s safe for us to assume that Harry was the target, not you. I’ve been looking at the scans from the ersatz liquor cabinet again, and it’s possible the components could make up the glider you described. So it’s looking pretty likely that Osbourne’s pissed off the wrong people who are now using the tech he designed for them to come after him. Given the whole human-enhancement theme I’ve been seeing lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if the people-he-pissed-off comprise largely of Hydra. Like I said, King of the Dicks.

Anyway, I don’t need to tell you to be like super careful now. Your identity could easily come out in public any day now and I think you need to be prepared for that. Also, for the chance of supervillains pricking up their ears, but weirdly, I have more confidence in you handling them than the paparazzi. Probably because you’re so fond of telling me about your SUPER STRENGTH.

Also, I’ve upped the security on the tower (again) so the party can still go ahead on Saturday, whoo!

Tony

P.S. Don’t tell Steve about the Ultron project. If I try to explain it before I can show him exactly what Bruce and I are trying for, he’s going to be all sucky and dumb about it.

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Tony,

I guess it would make sense that he was after Harry, after all we were in his house, however the guy did make a grab for me first which is weird....Maybe he just figured I'd be weaker and he could use me as a hostage to get Harry or something...

Maybe we should give him something like the Ironman badge you gave me (Which I totally forgot to take to Harry's...sorry). If bad guys are going to go after him, he should have a way to call for help.

Would you mind if I invited him to the party on Saturday? He could probably use cheering up, and I sort of want to stay on his good side.

Penny

P.S That sounds ominous...should I be worried about this Ultron thing?

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Penny,

Harry does have a way to call for help, it’s called 911. Look, the Avengers reached out to his dad and his dad didn’t want to know. There’s not much else we can do except keep you the hell away from them and whatever they’re mixed up in.

(Cap tells me Shield is looking into it, though. I’m just not allowed to join in because apparently I’m ‘biased’.)

So no. No he is not coming to the party, especially when people are after him. Let’s file that under bad ideas and move on.

You know what definitely isn’t a bad idea? Ultron. So no need to tell Cap yet. He’ll like it when it’s done, I could just do without the inevitable interrogation from a man who found out IVF was a thing and got all weirded out.

Tony

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Tony,

Alright, I won't invite Harry to the party...but I hope you know this means I can't invite Mary Jane now because it'll look like I'm taking side, and If I only invite Gwen that'll cause it's own set of problems.

I'll just do something with my friends next week or something.

Penny

P.S Fine I won't mention Ultron to Steve, just don't do anything dumb.

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Penny,

Okay, one, you need more friends. Two, don’t try to guilt trip me with your teenage drama into letting my archenemy’s gun-bait son into my house. I’m trying to keep you safe.

I made him an Iron Man badge. Come up and get it later.

Tony

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Tony,

That was sweet of you.

Do you need me to do anything to help set up for the party? Or should I just stay out the way and let your staff set up?

Penny

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Penny,

Jarvis can handle it. All he really needs to do is put a play list together and order some drinks and snacks. Nothing he can’t manage. But thanks.

We could maybe use a fresh set of eyes with Ultron though. We're not progressing like I thought we would. Maybe you could give him a glance after the party's over tonight? 

Tony

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Tony,

You know it isn't fair to leave me behind when I totally stopped your evil robot from hurting Dr Cho. I could help and you know it!

Be careful out there alright? Ultron really didn't seem to like you...you might be the one he tries to take out the most. Are you sure it is even safe for me to send this? I know you send it was a secure feed, but without Jarvis...

Loki has been a perfect gentleman, so you can stop worrying. I know you weren't that keen on leaving him with me after the party, but he told me Thor had words with him about being on his best behaviour or Mew-near? (Seriously how the hell do you spell the hammer's name?) wouldn't be happy.

Don't die okay?

Penny.

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Penny,

I admit, Loki was sort of helpful against Ultron at the party. But I’m telling you now, if you two have sex in my tower I’m throwing you both out! And don’t think you and/or Thor are forgiven for inviting him either. Or did you forget that the last time he was in there he was using it to try and literally destroy the world?

And that’s why I left you behind. Loki and Osbourne are of the same special breed that have a reason for everything they do, and not usually a good one. For all we know this is all part of some giant distraction. I’m not leaving the city undefended. And I’m not leaving Loki unsupervised. Watch him closely, okay? And whatever you do, don’t let Ultron get into the Avengers mainframe.

I won’t die if you don’t.

Tony

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Tony,

We are not going to have sex! We are just friends! You know what we've done since you guys have been gone? Watch Tv and build a fort. Real sexy. And for the record I didn't invite him, and I don't think Thor did either, he said he just wanted to give me my Birthday present.

Do you think Ultron will try and access the mainframe? I mean wouldn't he has done that while he was here? Are you just saying that so I'll feel useful and not try and come help? Because you realise I have no access to a plane and neither me nor Loki has the ability to fly right?

But fine, I'll make sure to protect Fort Awesome from any evil robots :P

Penny.

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Penny,

Yeah, well, tell him if your ‘birthday present’ is his dick it’s coming off.

Look, I would just tell you straight if I didn’t want you on this little road trip, but the point is, someone needs to man the base. I don’t want Loki or Hydra or any weird guys in goblin masks making this any worse. And if you must know, it was Cap’s plan, not mine. I wanted you with us.

Tony

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Tony,

It isn't his dick! I don't know what it is. He was about to give it to me when Ultron attacked, but he hasn't mentioned it since.

So you really would have let me help? Like, as part of the Avengers? Okay...I'll take care of the tower. I was thinking maybe I could borrow you Lab to work on some tech? I had a couple ideas on how to improve the web shooters.

Penny.

P.S I have had concede control of the Fort to Loki.

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Pen,

Orders from the top-

1. Time to bring in Norman Osbourne. (Pro tip for if you ever decide to aid a fascist science organisation with very-illegal human modification experiments- Don’t slap your damn logo on everything.) Throw him in the holding cell in the tower and keep him there. Shield is in pieces and what little remains is too busy fighting each other to be any help, so you’re the only one that can handle this. Be careful.

2. No more e-mail. Line is no longer secure. Rhodes is bringing this note over to you, but other than that, it’ll have to wait until we’re home. You’ll be fine.

3. Call your aunt and tell her to STAY IN FLORIDA.

4. Assuming the world doesn’t end but the Avengers do, you’re in charge. (See also: Stark Industries). Don’t screw it up.

Dad Tony

P.S. We’re okay. One of the enhanced gave us all creepy voodoo psyche-out visions, but we’re all still here. Except Thor, who has gone AWOL, but will be back. Probably. We’re rattled but okay. Mostly we’re rattled Natasha is rattled. But we’re fine.

P.P.S. On the subject of enhanced people, you might be getting some roomies in the guest suite when this is all over.

P.P.P.S. Knock yourself out in the lab. It was pretty much run by Jarvis though, so you may need to order new equipment. Get whatever you need.

P.P.P.P.S. Fort Awesome is on my land, that makes it my property.

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HARRY

Penny! What the hell? You can't just kidnap my dad like that!

YOU

I didn't kidnap him, he is under arrest. I'm sorry Harry, but he is involved in some bad stuff.

HARRY

If he is under arrest then why isn't he at the police station? His lawyer called me. Apparently the cops don't know anything about any arrest.

Where is he Penny?

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YOU

In a holding cell in the Tower. The Avengers told me to hold him there until they are back.

HARRY

The Avengers or your Dad? You can't do this Penny! I'm coming over.

YOU

I can't let you in Harry.

HARRY

Well then maybe I should let the police know the secret identity of Spiderman. I'm sure they'll be really interested, since she has started KIDNAPPING PEOPLE!!!

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YOU

...Alright. You can come over.

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Pen,

I’m in the lab with Vision trying to piece Jarvis back together. Text me when you’re awake and I’ll come down. Your phone is on the side. (I took the liberty of upgrading your OS. You were like two behind.)

Important parts- Ultron is gone and dealt with. The two enhanced that he was working with that helped us out are going to stay here until we work out what to do with them, assuming the cradle can work its magic on Speedy. We’re searching for Osbourne, who we’re guessing managed to hit you with some kind of hallucinogenic. You seem okay otherwise. No broken bones, at least, but you’ve been out of it a couple of days. We have no idea where the hell Loki is, and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. Also, I don’t really know why Osbourne didn’t kill you. Answers on a postcard please.

Your aunt is back from Florida and wants you to go home as soon as you’re well. I tried telling her it wouldn’t be safe, but she’s pretty adamant you’ve only been in danger since you came here. Anyway, she’s your legal guardian so there’s not much any of us can do about it.

Tony

P.S. Sorry we missed your official birthday.

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Tony,

I'm sorry I let Osbourne get away...I guess you were right about me not having what it takes to make an Avenger...

I don't know where Loki is either, he was here before I got knocked out. I hope Osbourne didn't do anything to him.

You don't need to come down. I'm fine and you are busy, so i'll just start packing some of my things.

Penny

P.S Congrats on beating Ultron.

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Penny,

I won’t come down if you don’t want me too, but at least stay in bed until we’ve checked you over. You’ve been pretty ramble-y and nuts since we’ve been back, so we need to make sure it’s out of your system before we let you go.

Also, like three-quarters of being an Avenger is learning how to carry on after you get your ass handed to you. You realise Steve’s first time out the guy he was chasing killed himself and a kid almost drowned, right? And my first time I crashed in the middle of the desert. So calm down, okay? We’ll get him. Loki too.

Tony

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Tony,

I've told you, I'm fine. Just a little sleepy.

Thanks for trying to cheer my up, but we both know this wasn't my first time. I've been Spiderman for over a year now...I shouldn't be making stupid mistakes...

You don't know Loki is involved. He might have just gone to track Osbourne down himself while I was out...

Penny

P.S I didn't say anything weird while I was out did I?

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Pen,

You’re 17. Making mistakes is basically your job. If it makes you feel any better, when I was 17 I had four girlfriends at once. And they all found out when drunk-me decided inviting them to an orgy and referring to them as my ‘harem’ would be a good idea. (Hint- it wasn’t.)

And I’m pretty sure Loki was involved. He shows up at the Tower for reasons unknown, apparently does nothing when you’re busy inhaling hallucinogenic gas, and then disappears the same time as Osbourne? Come on, kid. And let me see this so called ‘birthday present’. I bet you $10 it’s a nice hallucinogenic gas bomb, pre-used.

You were mostly just talking nonsense we couldn’t make out. You seemed to keep thinking I was your dad. As in, your dad-dad. Proper dad. Stepdad. Richard Parker. You must miss them.

Anyway, what matters now is what you do to fix things. What sort of place is this city going to be without its ‘friendly neighbourhood Spiderman’? There will be a lot fewer bad puns, that’s for sure.

Tony

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Tony,

You really aren't reducing my fear about having other siblings out there somewhere.

Well I'm pretty sure he wasn't involved! He knew I was going to arrest Osbourne, why not just stop me before I took him in? Plus he wasn't the one who hit me with the bomb! That was...someone else.

So you aren't mad I messed up?

Penny

P.S Sorry...I was dreaming about my parents and Uncle Ben while I was out...

P.P.S You can't see Loki's present. It isn't....visible.

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Pen,

I told you. Every other paternity test came back negative. And I’d be pretty hypocritical to be mad at you messing up.

So, who did hit you with the bomb?

Tony

P.S. If his present was his dick, it is coming off.

Chapter Text

Tony,

Doesn't mean there aren't some out there. They were no positive tests before me after all :P

Cap is making me go see Dr Cho. Talk to you later.

Penny.

P.S It wasn't his dick

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Pen,

Here’s the thing- I thought I couldn’t access the security footage from the tower with Jarvis; but I kind of forgot that a certain traffic-light man has most of J’s access codes and programs. Which is a nice way of me saying:

IS THAT EFF-ING HARRY OSBOURNE, IN MY TOWER, GASSING YOU?!

Once Cho is done with you, you get your butt up here.

Tony

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Tony,

You didn't need to yell...I already feel like an idiot.

Do you atleast believe that Loki had nothing to do with it now? If anything he was trying to help.

I hope he is okay...I wonder why no has heard from him. Maybe I should talk to Thor.

Penny

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Pen,

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Loki is the least of our problems right now. He’s definitely up to something, but King Dick and the heir to his throne are up to something faster, and we need to find out what.

That includes you. May’s insisting you go home, but we’ll work something out. Stay safe.

Tony

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Tony,

Well Aunt May told me to come home tonight...she was a stern, which isn't like her....I hope everything is okay.

I'm not sure how long that cradle is meant to take, but if Wanda is still sitting by her brother's bed side after I go, you either need to make her go to sleep or give her more coffee. She takes it black.

Penny.

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Pen,

She’s just been worried about you. Guess we can’t blame her for that.

Cap is on Wanda duty. Funnily enough, she’s still not keen on me; and if Cho can’t get Speedy Gonzales back from the edge it’s probably only going to get worse. Besides which, Cap’s got that whole human-experiment deal to bond over with them.

Tony

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Stark,

Don't worry. I'll take good care of you daughter.

Osbourne

Chapter Text

Captain Stickass

Tony, where are you?

Are the Maximoffs with you? Pietro shouldn't be out of sickbay yet

Just call me

You

The twins aren't there?

Captain Stickass

No. What's going on?

Iron Man, report.

You

Shit

Chapter Text

If you don't stop yelling, the guards will tranquillise you like they did Wanda, and then we won't be able to work out a plan to escape!

The guards will be listening, but lucky for me they took my phone & web shooters but not my note pad. I think it'll fit through the hole in the corner of your cell... 

I'm Penny by the way.

Chapter Text

Do you know where Wanda is? Tell me.

Your name tells me nothing. Who are you?

Chapter Text

Your sister is on the cell on my other side, but she has been knocked out. You were too at first, but I think it might be taking her long to wake up because she was so exhausted anyway.

I'm Spiderman...sort of an Avenger-in-training...Osbourne captured me the same as you. As far as I can tell he thinks he owns us because he technically gave us our powers.

How are you feeling? You were in pretty bad shape the last time I saw you, did the Cradle fix you up?

Penny

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If you are an Avenger, you can get us out? Otherwise I will do it. Is my sister okay?

I do not know this Osbourne. My powers were from Strucker.

Chapter Text

Strucker was using Osbourne's money and research, so as far as he is concerned, that makes you Oscorp property.

We need to work out a plan, I don't even know where we are...

What are you powers anyway?

Penny

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I run very fast.

I don’t think I like this Osbourne. Let’s kill him and leave. 

Chapter Text

We don't need to kill anyone. Look we don't even know where we are yet. For all we know we could be on some island in the middle of nowhere. We have to be smart about this, or we'll end up in more trouble. Lets hold fire for now. It'll give Wanda a little time to come round, and I imagine Osbourne will be down sooner or later to gloat. If we are clever we might be able to get some information out of him. Then we can work out how to escape.

Chapter Text

So do you still say Osbourne doesn’t need to die? He killed your parents. Worse than that, he’s happy about it. He enjoyed telling you all about it, you know. We need to kill him or he really is going to get his hands on the research they died trying to keep from him.

I can hear you crying. I understand, but save it for when we get out. Don’t get upset, get angry and let’s work out a plan.

So, you’re the smart one. What do we do?

Chapter Text

Okay. First off we need to make sure they pick you for the test firsts. I doubt they'll want to take us all out together, we'd be easier to control one at a time.

Once you are out your cell, I'll cause a distraction. Then you need to run. Run and find my pendant, it is shaped like Ironman and if you press the eyes down it'll send an SOS with co-ordinates to the Avengers. Activate it and leave it where it is, then go back to where ever you were, or run some more and pretend to be looking for the exit. Something to throw them off what you were really doing.

Then we wait for the Avengers.

Chapter Text

I do not like plans that involve waiting. Getting myself picked, though, this I can do.

Is Wanda awake yet?

Chapter Text

No, sorry. I thought I heard her stirring, but then there was a weird hissing sound and she stopped... I think they must be keeping her sedated..I imagine they are worried about her powers.

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They should be.

Alright, get ready. I’m going to start making a fuss.

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Diiid u do it

hrd 2 wriit wit hand chaind behd bk..

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Also chained up

Found pin ppressed but they saw didn’t get back in time so they knew id moved

They are trying to see what I did

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It wnt mater, evn if the signel is off, theyll have the location.

Mydadwll cm savee us soooon

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Penny,

So it's totally not my fault I haven't called, because I have called, and your aunt has put the phone down on me. Tough old bird, isn't she? She even hung up your mobile; at least, I hope that was her, unless you're pissed off at me over the whole kidnap-victim thing. But you know that was nothing to do with you being a Stark and entirely to do with you being Spiderman.

So the good news is Shield has Osbourne nice and locked away. The bad news is, King of the Dicks is still alive. Hopefully not for much longer. Wanda and Pietro seem to be doing okay in the Tower (as far as I can tell when they won't come near me. Sorta rude) and Vision seems to be flirting with the witch. I did not programme Jarvis for this and it's freaking me out. The sooner we get the real J back up and running, the better.

He was helpful though, old Vish. With Jarvis down, he was the one that could trace the pin. Then he went invisible (also not my idea, but AWESOME) and strolled around the base until he found which wall we needed to punch down. I guess you know the rest.

Urrgh, and I have to tell you something else too because Steve is insisting and given how pissy he's been lately I don't want to make it worse. He hasn't been right since Ultron. And he won't tell me what Mildred Hubble showed him, either, which I'm pretty sure means it's that that's bothering him. You're tight with the Witch, right? Can you ask her what she showed him? And while you're at it, how about convincing Pietro to calm down and stop trying to kill people? I keep having to stop him going after Osbourne and it makes me feel dirty.

Anyway. What I'm supposed to tell you is that we finally found Loki. Actually, he was there when we went to take out King Dick. He had Harry with him, it looked like he was trying to set up some trade or blackmail. Anyway, he saw us (Well, Thor) and high tailed it out of there. So you know, still a sleazy coward, just saying.

Hope you're feeling better.

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

I'm sorry about Aunt May, I told you it wasn't her fault but she doesn't want to listen. She is just scared, she'll calm down in a while.

Loki was the one who hung up my phone, he came to see and said he didn't want you interrupt. I did tell him off for hanging up on you without asking me, I guess he was worried if you spoke to me first you'd give your version of things and I wouldn't listen to him.

He told me that he went to try and recapture Osbourne, after he found me unconscious and the cell empty, but he had a lot of trouble finding him and didn't want to come back empty handed. When he finally did catch up with Osbourne, he was in the middle of kidnapping me and the twins and had way too much fire power for Loki to take him down alone, so instead of fighting him he followed him, thinking he'd work out a way to save me once Osbourne's guard was down. However when he got to Osbourne's hideout, he realised there was way to much security for him to get me out, and since Harry had betrayed me earlier, he thought he was owed some payback and knocked him out to trade with Osbourne. 

I asked him why he didn't just go get The Avengers, and he said that he wasn't sure you'd trust him. He thought if he got me out first, you'd trust him when he told you the location of the Twins, plus he'd 'get to play the hero for once'.

He said when Thor showed up, he ran off because he wasn't sure his brother would approve of him having knocked out some kid to use as a bargaining chip.

He seemed a little upset that he wasn't able to help in the end, but cheered up a bit when I told him I appreciated the effort. Then Aunt May invited him to stay for dinner. I think she likes him.

Penny.

P.S Don't be too hard on the Twins. Wanda told me that it was a Stark Weapon that killed their parents. They don't really hate you I don't think, you are just easier to blame than a faceless solider. Give them time. 

P.P.S Also I should tell you, Osbourne kil

Chapter Text

Pen, 

I still say you'd be safer here. Especially if Loki is still hanging round you like a bad smell. He was damn right to think we wouldn't have trusted him, and we still wouldn't now. Even if, for the sake of argument, we say everything he told you was true, it's not exactly a shining example of virtue, is it? For one thing, he was only interested in saving you and didn't give a crap about the twins, and for another, he put his personal glory and shot at being the hero ahead of keeping you safe. Maybe you need to remind Aunt May that this guy was squatting in your house whilst on the run and was reading and editing your letters. Not to mention the whole destroying-New-York thing that everyone seems so happy to forget. And yet it's me May doesn't trust. Right.

So did Mr Totally-sincere tell you what he did with Harry after the deal fell through? Or did he conveniently omit that part?

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

Well...Loki might have told Aunt May his name was Luke, and I might not have bothered to tell her that he was the one who squatted in our house....

She is already freaked out over the whole Osborn thing, I didn't want to stress her out any more! Anyway now she thinks I have a potential boyfriend, and gets to fuss, which will take her mind off things.

He didn't mention Harry...I sort of assumed he left him with the Avengers.

Penny

Chapter Text

Penny,

Why the hell didn't you tell her?! Don't you think she has the right to know who she is serving meatloaf to?! And Loki is NOT a potential boyfriend! Thor is taking him back to Asgard, out of the way. And just FYI, we have no idea where Harry is.

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

Because she is already worried about me! I don't want to make it worse! Anyway, Loki is my friend, even if his actions were a little misguided. It isn't fair to take him back to Asgard when he hasn't done anything wrong.

I'll ask him if he knows where Harry is, it might not have anything to do with him.

Penny.

P.S Aunt May thinks any boy I talk to is a potential boyfriend. She's been trying to set me up with Harry since I was 8.

Chapter Text

Penny,

I'm calling your aunt and telling her exactly who 'Luke' is. Did you forget all the corpses he left around?! Hundreds of people?! That's more than 'a little misguided'!

The last time we saw Harry, Harry was with him. Now we don't know where Harry is. Do the math.

Tony

P.S. You can date anyone in the world except those two.

Chapter Text

Tony,

Thanks a lot Asshole, now we are moving to Florida!

I told you May was stressing out! I told you telling her about Loki would only make it worse!

Why can you never trust me?

Penny.

Chapter Text

Penny,

May had a right to know who she had in her house! And stop ignoring my calls or so help me I will hack into your phone, put it on speaker, and talk to you that way.

I'm serious. I need to talk to you, because if you really don't want to go to Florida I need to try for custody.

Tony

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Tony,

I would have told her eventually...after things had calmed down. And it isn't like she was in danger! But now you've made her panic and make a rash decision!

I don't want to go to Florida, but I can't leave Aunt May...I'm not sure how she'd cope on her own. Plus it would break her heart....

Thank you for offering though. I really appreciate it :)

Penny

Chapter Text

LOKI

Are you moving because of me? :(

YOU

No... just because my dad and aunt are freaking out

sorry

it's not your fault

LOKI

Oh really? Good to know T.T

YOU

they just don't trust you because of what old you did

Chapter Text

LOKI

But I'm not the old me....

YOU

I know!

But they don't believe me :(

Sorry :(

LOKI

Can we make them trust me?

What if I tell you where Harry is?

Chapter Text

Tony,

Before you tell me off for not answering my phone, you were right about them not working in Asgard. I would have called you on the way back, but my battery was almost dead and I had to check in with Aunt May.

I'm guessing she was the one who told you I was going to see Harry? Sorry I left out the Asgard part, but I knew she wouldn't let me go if she knew Loki was coming along...

So anyway, Harry was on Asgard. He has been threatening to reveal my identity, so Loki thought it was best to put him somewhere he couldn't do any damage.

I tried to talk to Harry, but he seems pretty mad about his Dad being arrested. I don't get why he is mad at me when it was his Dad who is the bad guy! We've taken him home anyway, so we'll see what happens now I guess...

You know old Loki may have a been a jerk, but this one really isn't a bad guy. He is just...sort of misguided at times....

Penny.

Chapter Text

Penny,

You are nuts, you know that? You're messed up in the head. Harry GASSED you. You were out for days. Then he threatened to reveal your identity. You know where he was, when we picked him up after your letter? Half way to the Bugle. Some friend.

You really know how to pick them, don't you? I tried telling you a hundred times what Loki is like, and you didn't believe me. Worse, you still don't, even with all the evidence in front of you.

Maybe it's safer that you go to Florida. I'm going to try and bring Jarvis back online this weekend- or some version of him anyway- so I'm going to be on lock down. I'll call you after.

Tony

Chapter Text

Penny,

Well now we're having to hold Harry prisoner or he's going to reveal who you are. At least on Asgard he could have free range. Now we're keeping him on a Shield base and no-one feels comfortable with it, but what else can we do? If he gets out, I don't think he'll tell the papers Osbourne was imprisoned for being the Green Goblin, somehow. Plus, you know, no-one will hear our side of things if some kid comes out saying we kept him to stop him from talking. Even Steve is saying this is corrupt. So yeah, if I were you, I'd go to Florida, change your name, and lie low for a while because the proverbial is about to hit the fan.

I couldn't get Jarvis back. Not properly. I have his basic code back online, but he was always a learning and modifying AI and we've gone back to square one. Everything he'd developed, everything he'd become, his personality, it all went and got absorbed into Vision. He's not really Jarvis any more, and even if I leave him on now, there's no guarantee he'll develop and grow into the same person.

I might just switch him off again.

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

I couldn't force Harry to stay in Asgard, it wouldn't have been right, and you can't keep him prison either.

It isn't simply a case of changing my name, people know my face now because I'm your daughter. The moment it comes out i'm Spiderman there is no going back.

The only option I have is to give it up...when I move to Florida that is the end of Spiderman...

I'm sorry about Jarvis, I know he was your friend. I told Steve to hug you.

Penny.

Chapter Text

Pen,

Steve's decided Vision should come out to Florida with you. He says it's to keep you safe if you really can't risk Spiderman-ing any more. I think the real reason is probably because he thinks I can't handle having him around.

Anyway, Steve is going to sweet talk May, so get used to the idea of a robot/magic roomie.

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

Aunt May has agreed to Vision going with us, mainly because I don't she is able to actually say No to Captain America. You know, her Mother was one of the dancing girls in Cap's show? Apparently he took her helmet to goes save a bunch of solider in Italy or something, Steve seemed to remember her a little anyway.

We move to Florida next week...so I won't be able to do that Summer internship. Do you think I could see you before I go?

Penny

Chapter Text

Penny,

Well, Vision has to agree first, and he's dancing around saying no. He says he wants to continue his 'father's' work with the Avengers. Plus he is totally flirting with your friend the witch. So yeah, apparently he did not inherit his 'daddy's' resigned obedience. I sort of hate him right now.

You should tell your aunt not to talk about the past to Steve. It only makes him mopey, and he's been acting cold enough lately as it is. I am definitely feeling avoided. Did you ask Hermione what she did to him?

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

Well Vision doesn't have to come with us if he doesn't want to. Me and Aunt May will be alright, we always are :)

Anyway I think Wanda likes him, and if we both leave she'll only have Pietro, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone He is a wonderful brother and all round sexy guy ;P

I asked her about what she showed him, she said it was fear given form. It could be something subconscious or something from the past. Like with you it was a fear of failure, and with Steve it was the war ending, because why would the world need with a Super Solider if there is no war?

Go be nice to him! And the twins. They need a bigger room! And another tv!

Penny

Chapter Text

Penny,

What is it with you and letting people scribble all over your letters? We need to go back to e-mail and then Pietro won't come in and be a dick and read your private mail. What was he even doing at your house? I knew you and Wanda are like BFF, but I didn't know Cosmo there came into it.

Don't let him see these again. It's private, you know. And speaking of private, Wanda shouldn't have told you what she showed me. Not her biggest fan right now, tbh.

And Steve would be fine without a war, as long as there was still people to save from burning buildings or whatever.

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

You remember Pietro has super speed right? Kinda hard for me to stop him, especially when he takes it to 'deliver' for me.

He and Wanda just stopped by to check I was okay. They haven't seen me since we escaped and were worried I was upset by some of the stuff Osbourne said..

I'm sorry she told me about your fear, she was only using it as an example in order to explain Steve's, and you were the one who told me to ask about that.

Speaking of Steve, what if that went away? What does he have outside the Avengers? You have your company, Hawkeye has his family, Thor has Asgard, but what does Steve have? His family, his friends are all gone. Maybe he is afraid that without Captain America, Steve Rogers is nothing.

Penny

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Penny,

Steve has me, so maybe you should stop going on about things you know nothing about. Anyway, as far as I know, mind reading is not among Wanda's creepy voodoo powers, so how would she even know what our worst fear was? Either she made a guess and decided what to show us, or tricked our brains into showing both of us what it thinks our worse fear is, in which case, it's very much up to interpretation. In other words, she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.

When are you going to Florida? We have to let Harry go once you're gone. They're trying to get him to sign a gag though, so if he talks he can be arrested all over again.

Tony

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Tony,

I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just telling you what Wanda told me and trying to make sense of it...maybe I was completely wrong.

You should talk to Steve.

I'm leaving at the weekend. I noticed you never gave me an answer about seeing you before then.

Penny

P.S It is obvious you haven't talked to Wanda much, because she can totally read minds :P

Chapter Text

Penny,

Are you sure Wanda can read minds? Because I'm pretty sure as soon as they worked out she could, Osbourne would have been there trying to work out how to weaponise it. The asshole doesn't even have any loyalty to Hydra, he was just in it for the money and the easy access to illegal materials; not to mention as a way to carry on with his human-enhancement stuff. He's trying to strike up a plea bargain with Shield, saying he'll work for them if they let him go. Pretty sure Steve, Nat and Clint are going to tell him where to shove it, but you never know what Fury will do. So tread carefully.

Thor's still trying to persuade me of Loki's innocence, though. Apparently the big baby doesn't like having to live on Asgard in a big fancy palace. You know how they keep saying Loki's been reincarnated? Apparently that's pretty common in Cloud Cuckoo Land. So they're in some fight against a 'Dark Elf' (I'm assuming that's some D&D thing) and Loki dies saving Thor. Or so Thor says. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing in Thor's face because Loki only does things for Loki. Anyway, because of his 'selfless sacrifice' Thor felt he deserved another shot or something and awakened his spirit in some street urchin he found in Paris. It all sounds super weird and creepy, but most importantly, suspicious as anything. If Loki was planning something big, and he wanted to be trusted again, what better way than to appear to save Asgard's golden boy? Don't fall for it, Pen. I don't think you'll have any more trouble but if he chases you out to Florida, tell us right away and do not trust him. Remember this guy kidnapped Harry and hid in your house.

If you want to come see me, come see me. But your aunt won't like it. She told me never to come near you again, etc. Was she like this with Loki? She realises he's way, way more dangerous than I'll ever be, right? At least to you.

Tony

P.S. I tried talking to Steve, and he just got even more pissed. So yeah, thanks for the horrible advice kiddo.

Chapter Text

Tony,

I'm sure about Wanda, that is why they kept her unconscious when we were captured. I'm betting Osborn wanted to replicate her powers, but that might have been easier said than done. Whatever they did to the twins, it effected them both very differently, and they are about as biologically similar as you can get. Whatever they gave them to give them powers, how it effects them can't be down solely to genetics.

Plus didn't all the research at the base get deleted? Osbourne would have been starting from square one if he'd managed to keep Wanda hostage.

Loki is my friend, and yeah he has done some stupid and creepy things but those were mainly down to him either having to hide from you, or not being able to trust you to help. Except the spiking the Punch thing, but I hit him pretty hard for that!

Oh I'm super mega grounded after lying about the whole Loki things. Buut I can also climb down walls, and she is moving me to Florida, so how much worse can things get if I sneak out to say goodbye?

Penny

P.S What did you say to make Steve mad? Did you ask him to talk about what was bothering him, or just yell at him for not thinking you were enough or something?

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Penny,

Okay, what? You are not seriously blaming me for Loki being creepy? Why won't you listen to me when I say he's not your friend, he is up to something! He is climbing a pile of corpses to try and get to the top and if you keep this up the next one is going to be yours. Remember, I gave him the benefit of the doubt when I left him alone in the Tower with you, and how did that turn out? You and the twins kidnapped and Loki trying to trade Harry for you, which meant Harry found out who you are, which meant we have to illegally detain him until your aunt gets you out. Your identity is about to be uncovered because of him, and you're sitting there blaming me? Don't buy into this reincarnation bullshit, kid. So Thor says he died, so what? Clearly not a big deal to Asgardians. And don't tell me Loki couldn't predict Thor would find a way to bring him back, even I would have seen that one coming. So how do you know this isn't all some scheme to try and get stupid, gullible people to trust him again? Seriously, WAKE UP.

And you need to give me more credit with Steve too. I know Steve, I know he's not going to open up if I ask what's wrong, especially when I've already tried that like a hundred times. I was just trying to cheer him up a bit, talking about how great it would be when we could all retire and not worry about risking our necks for the greater good every thirty seconds. He asked me how I knew it was going to end, and I said everything ends, especially with the right encouragement, and then he said I'd 'learnt nothing' from Ultron and got all pissy. Actually, I learnt a ton from Ultron. Sure, using Asgardian vodoo on Ultron was a bad idea, but it's not like I'm going to do that again when I do the next Iron Legion upgrade. I'm not even giving them a proper AI. He should be happy, I was telling him it was all going to be fine and he didn't need to worry!

Tony

P.S. So why didn't Osbourne work on Wanda at the base, when they were still volunteering and we didn't know about them yet?

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Tony,

It wasn't Loki's fault I was kidnapped, it was mine! I let Harry into the Tower and I took him down to the cells! All Loki did was give us a bit of space, and then do his best to save me! He was misguided but at least he tried...

You can't blame Steve for being a little cautious about mechanical help after what happened. Maybe he is worried about you trying to force peace and causing another Ultron.... Or maybe he doesn't want Robots to help, maybe he wants to worry.

As for Osbourne, maybe he did work on her? You should ask Wanda, she'd know.

Penny.

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Penny,

Loki should never have left you alone with Harry. And, like I keep saying, for all we know this is all part of his plan. He's a liar, remember. He's good at it.

Someone has to force peace. It's never going to happen on it's own.

Look, here's the thing people forget about Steve. He didn't want to fight a war, he was fighting for the same reason he does now, to protect and help people. He really believed that he was fighting the war to end all wars, that once it was done humanity would move on. He woke up and found nothing had changed. I don't think he buys it any more. I don't think, deep down, he believes peace is even possible, and I think he hates that he doesn't.

But see, I don't think there's much that is actually impossible. If one way doesn't work, you just have to try another. So humanity is going to keep beating the crap out of itself, that's human nature and it doesn't seem to be changing any time soon. So we do what humankind always does, we make a tool. Other animals evolve, the giraffe can't reach the leaves so it evolves a long neck; the first fish that crawl out on land can't fly so eventually they evolve wings. Humanity can't fly so they build the aeroplane. We've never waited on our better nature to come out. We still need something, some push in the right direction. We can learn from Ultron, get it right next time.

If you were still interning, you'd be able to help.

Tony

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Tony,

How was Loki meant to predict what was going to happen? And even if he stayed he would have just been knocked out as well! I'm sick of arguing about this, you aren't being fair!

If what you are saying about Steve is right, then why was it peace in his vision? Why was it that which scared him and not something like losing the fight? Deep down I don't think Steve wants the fight to end because it is too much a part of him now.

Okay, re-read that little speech of yours and honestly tell me that doesn't sound like you are about to start making Cybermen.

Don't make Cybermen Tony!

Penny.

P.S I want to intern but it is pretty hard to do from Florida!

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Penny,

Okay, what bee got into your bonnet? Don't write me letters when you're PMS-ing. And no, I'm not about to start making Cybermen. I'm talking about tools, not human enhancement. Osbourne has the corner on that, in case you've forgotten.

Speaking of, we'll be letting Harry go on Saturday, so buckle down. He signed a gag but I think he's going to blow your cover. Now might be a good time to change your name if you can, before you start the new school.

Tony

P.S. You still don't know anything about Steve.

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Tony,

I'm not PMS-ing! I'm just sick of having the same argument over and over again! Loki is my friend, deal with it.

Changing my name won't do much good if my face is all over the papers. The daily bugle will be all over this when the stories breaks. Knowing them they'll probably say I'm a spoilt rich kid trying to play hero.

I told Aunt May I'm Spiderman. You can expect an angry phone call.

Penny

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Pen,

And did you explain to May that you were Spiderman before I even knew you existed? Or that I tried to stop you? That I tried to get you to go to Xavier's school?

You know, it's not too late for that. It would be easier to lie low there if Harry does rat you out, and you obviously aren't happy about the move. What's wrong? Does the school in Florida sound bad? It doesn't have to be Xavier's if you really don't want to. I can pretty much send you wherever you want to be.

Rule number one of being rich- ignore the papers.

Tony

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Tony,

I tried to say it was before you knew me, but she says that it doesn't matter, because I always admired you growing up anyway, and that you 'showing off as Ironman' has made a generation of kids want to take stupid risks to be a hero like you.

I want to be in New York, but that isn't an option. I told you before I won't leave Aunt May, so if she wants us to go to Florida, I go to school in Florida.

I try to ignore the papers, but it is hard when you are on the front page every day being called a menace.

Penny.

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Penny,

You admire me?

None of their opinions matter, Penny. They'll print inflammatory stuff just to sell papers. Just let them get on with it, seriously.

Tony

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Tony,

Technically I said 'admired' :P But yeah, ofcourse I do. You are Tony Stark! You built a working arc reactor in the middle of the desert in some cave! Why wouldn't I admire you?

I know I know, they just print bad stuff to sell more papers. It still sucks to see it all the time though....

Florida is too hot. It is night. Why is it still hot! The Sun is in China right now!!

Anyway, I start my new school tomorrow, wish me luck.

Penny

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Penny,

Good luck with school, kid. Remember, this is your chance to be whoever you want. No pre-expectations. Trust me, I went to a new school for practically every grade. Make the most of it, that's my motto. So try not to stress, okay? Let me know how it goes.

Florida is not too hot, New York is too cold. You know, I have a beach house out that way if you want it?

Tony

P.S. I admire you too, Spidey.

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Tony,

Kind of hard to be whoever I want when the papers are putting out a pretty clear imagine. I assume you saw them this morning? Looks like Harry went to the papers after all. Though all the articles say is 'a source'.

I thought about dying my hair or something, but there is no time before school and it'll be pretty pointless once they've seen me once.

Maybe i'll get lucky and no one will care about the Spiderman thing...

Penny.

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Penny,

They're high schoolers. Public high schoolers at that. If there's one thing we can guess pretty safely, it's that they will totally care you are Spiderman. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Okay, so the tabloids are going crazy but did you bother looking at the broadsheets? Most of them are all 'allegedly'-ing it up. Plenty of people don't believe that we sent a minor into the field as an Avenger, or that we illegally detained a minor (even though we sort of did). Just remember, the inflammatory headlines are just there to sell papers. It's not representative of what people actually think.

Anyway, don't worry. Pep and Steve and I have been busy little bees running damage control and we'll handle it. The important thing is for you not to comment. I don't just mean to the press, either, I mean with the hangers on at your new school who will probably be trying to muscle in on your fame once they work out who you are. I'll be doing a press conference tomorrow, and I'll handle it. Shield has finally given us permission to go public with the details of Osbourne's arrest, so I'm going to try and keep the focus on that and, you know, how he experiments on minors for a Nazi Science cult whilst housing a liquor cabinet full of supervillian cosplay. As far as you go, the line is that I didn't know about your powers before you came to me, that your powers are a result of said illegal experiments, that Cap has been training you to use them responsibly- those are the true parts- that you aren't an active Avenger or Avenger in training, that we haven't had you out in the field, and that you continued fighting petty crime at your own behest and that it is a supervised part of your training- those are the partly and not so true parts. Anyway, I've had both Pepper and Hill coming and giving me super scary looks and reminding me to toe the line. Which, you know, is my speciality. These women need to have more faith in me. But don't worry, I'm not going to run my mouth off and say anything that could make this worse for you. Steve has heroically volunteered to cough loudly if he thinks I'm going off-script. Apparently he needs more faith in me too.

So, guess who showed up here looking for you? Well, amongst the dozens of others who didn't know you've left the state? Your little friend Eugene, aka 'Flash'. Turns out he's a big Spidey fan and seems to think that makes up for all the crap he pulled. He's not the brightest bulb in the box, is he? I asked him how many minutes he had left to save the world and he didn't get it AT ALL. What do they teach in schools these days?

Anyway, long story short, I told him he was an asshole, put on the suit to 'show him', dangled him out of a window for a while, and then left him with Steve to lecture him on respecting people and the irresponsibility of intimidating and bullying people just because you can. They have now been in there 20 minutes and all I can hear is the little tick saying 'Yes sir, No sir'. I think we can say he's suitably ashamed. It's sort of awesome. Also, hilarious.

Good luck with school, kid. Remember, no comment.

Tony

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LOKI

Well, howdy neighbour

Welcome to Florida ;)

Chapter Text

Tony,

I had really hoped that it would take them at least a little while to realise who I was, but no. The moment the Teacher said my name they knew, and I swear I've never seen so many people try to ask questions at once. It was almost a riot! Luckily the Teacher was able to regain control of the class and things settled down a bit...at least until I had to move between class rooms. I forgot how fast gossip spread around a school. By third period everyone knew Spiderman was the new kid.

I've had people talk about me before, but never been the popular kid...it is weird. I'm used to Jocks and Cheerleaders trying to avoid me, not actively try to be my friend. Speaking of Cheerleaders, they asked me to join their squad. That is something I 100% don't want to do.

At least there was another new girl I could stick with, and helped me shake off my more persistant fans. Hey name is Lucy and she seems pretty cool. She lives on the same street as Aunt May and me so hopefully we can be friends and I can hang out at hers. Things between me and Aunt May are a little...strained right now. I think some space might be good for both of us.

Penny

P.S That stuff with Flash is hilarious, I hope you got it on tape!

P.P.S It is pretty hard to make no comment when you are being asked the same thing A MILLION TIMES! In the end I just started saying 'it's complicated' and then moving away as fast as I could.

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Penny,

Well, at least you made a friend. Just be careful she's not another fan in disguise. Or, in fact, a super villain in disguise, because it's not like this is even going to stay in your school. Pretty soon everyone is going to know that Spiderman is out in Florida, miles away from anyone that could actually help if someone was gunning for her, which, you know, is soooooooo unlikely now the world knows you are a) Spiderman and b) one of the richest heiresses in the world. So things are strained with May right now? Is that because by taking you away she's basically painted a huge target on your back and isolated you from any support? Because that's why I'm pissed at her.

I'm also sort of pissed at Steve. He and that little creep are now all bonding. Steve's teaching him boxing. He says 'Flash' just needs a better way to channel his anger. I guess Cap's forgotten about you pretty fast. Sorry, kid.

Harry's on the run, too, so look if he shows up there. If you see him, he's under arrest for breaking the gag. But don't worry, we'll get him.

Tony

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Tony,

Lucy isn't any of that stuff, she is cool. Plus how would any villains know to be here yet? The only people who knew I was Spiderman and moving to Florida in time to enroll are Avengers.

Would anyone other than Osbourne bother to come after me? I mean other than him I've only really pissed off low level criminals, and Florida is pretty far to travel from New York to just get their asses kicked again.

Aunt May is mad that I didn't tell her I was Spiderman, and was 'running around putting myself in danger' and i'm mad that I have to live in stupid hot as balls Florida. So we are pretty much not talking right now.

I see. Guess I wasn't hard to replace for Steve.

Penny

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Penny,

Look, kid, try to make up with your aunt a little. I agree, she was stupid to move you out to Florida. But she's basically the only family you have and you love her, so don't let a fight get in the way. Besides, she's more likely to let you come home if you're reasonable.

Osbourne senior is safely locked up, don't worry, but for all we know he was training up his son as a nutty protégé. Just look out, okay? And tell your friend to be on the watch for suspicious characters. Poor girl is probably having a hard enough time being the new girl without being overshadowed by you.

About Cap. I wasn't really being fair before. I think he misses you, he just says Flash needs a good role model and blah blah blah. Don't worry, Pietro is giving him super-speed wedgies whenever Steve leaves them unsupervised.

Tony

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Tony,

Fine. I'll smile and be polite if it gets me outta here, but I'm not saying sorry! I was out there helping people! She is acting like I was doing drugs or something.

Lucy isn't exactly the wall flower type, she is getting plenty of attention all herself. I'll tell her to watch out for bad guys anyway, though what could Harry really do? He barely passed Gym, he isn't exactly a match for Spiderman.

Penny.

P.S Oh good, Pietro got my text >:D

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Penny,

May was just worried about you. And you know, Spiderman-ing isn't exactly a stroll in the park, the danger is pretty real and frequent. Just don't underestimate the people gunning for you, okay? When you do that, you get hurt.

So Lucy's the confidant kind, huh? Maybe she'll rub off on you :P

And hey, try to enjoy your first weekend there. Go to a party or catch a movie or something. Don't sit in your room sulking.

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

I'm fine by myself so far, May is just being a worry wart! I took down a guy by myself this morning no problem, and she went on at me for being late for school. Like it really mattered I was late for Geography! Who cares about Geography?!

It is too hot to do anything fun. I'll probably just go hang out round Lucy's and play video games or something.

How are things in New York?

Penny

P.S What do you think of the new costume? I look good in Black huh ;P

Chapter Text

Pen,

So what is up with you? Is this the teenage rebel stage or something, because I have to tell you, most people start on that earlier than 17. Are you an emo now? Because honestly they kind of weird me out.

Then again, my teenage rebellion involved swimming pools of champagne, girls in bikinis and passing flour off as drugs (teenagers are dumb) so I guess a black suit and skipping geography is pretty mild. Just be careful, okay? May's been worried enough.

So what happened with the guy this morning? You really did a number on him from the sounds of it. Pro tip for having an identity out in the open- don't do anything that could get you arrested. Sued, sure, go for it; I can pay those off fine. I currently have the biggest record for a court pay out (of course :P) but surprisingly, after that, it's Clint. Things just seem to get destroyed when he's in the field. I swear Shield spends half their budget on repaying damages after his missions.

Things are okay here, I guess. Right now it's only me, Steve, the twins and Vision in the Tower. Bruce has gone out somewhere quieter because he still doesn't trust himself, Thor has blasted off again, Nat's gone to some Shield base, Clint's wife (apparently he has one) just had another baby (he has plenty of them) so he's taking some leave time (who knew Shield gave holiday time?) on his farm (so apparently he has one of those too). And Steve is still acting weird. He freezes up whenever I come near. It's starting to get annoying.

But never mind that. What is this Lucy like? I hope she isn't a bad influence, Penelope! At least not worse than me....

Tony

P.S. Sending you a vintage MCR tee. I thought it would match this new aesthetic you've got going on.

Chapter Text

Tony,

I didn't choose the colour. Turns out I haven't quite worked out all my powers yet and the ability to make my own suit is among them. I'm still working it out but it is pretty cool, and a lot easier then wearing my suit under my clothes in this stupid weather.

That guy deserved it! There were kids in that Bank he was trying to hold hostage! Okay maybe I was a little hard on him, but maybe a couple broken ribs will teach him a lesson! Anyway the car I threw him into came off much worse, you might need to pay for that.

Lucy is cool. She is really pretty and has a quick wit, and she isn't a bad influence! Can't I have one friend that you actually like?

Maybe you should try talk to Wanda about Steve.

Penny

Chapter Text

Penny,

Well, maybe you should talk to your aunt about whatever the hell is going on with you. I'm not good at the touchy-feely emotional stuff. If you want to talk to me I'll do my best, but just talk to someone, okay? You're obviously taking the move and being out and everything quite hard. But seriously, I get you're frustrated at the press invasion, but if you're too hard on the perps you're just handing them more ammo. You either need to learn not to care what they say (ie. The Tony Stark approach) or keep it in mind at all times (the Captain Stickass appproach).Be careful.

Speaking of being 'out'... just how pretty is this Lucy girl anyway? You know I was joking about the bad influence thing. I'd hope I'm the worst influence on your life, just saying. Anyway, I'd much rather you dated a girl you liked rather than Loki or Dick Jr. Neither of them have shown up there, right?

And I did talk to Wanda about Steve. And she told me he is looking into moving out to Washington with them to train up a new team of Avengers, which he has not mentioned to me at all. So yeah, remind me not to listen to you.

Tony

P.S. Making your own clothes out of what? Webbing? Bodily fluid? Doesn't that seem kind of... icky to you?

Chapter Text

LUCY

Hey cutie, what did you get for #4 on the bio homework?

Your muggle science is weird

Also primitive

YOU

And yet you can't do it?

Since when did you care about homework anyway?

LUCY

Since you taught me the error of my ways, obviously <3

Chapter Text

LUCY

You know how it goes... new school, new clothes, new me ;)

So, #4?

YOU

i haven't done it

we're not planning on sticking around so why bother wasting my free time on answering questions on stuff I already know?

LUCY

We?

YOU

*I'm

Chapter Text

Tony,

Aunt May doesn't like to talk about the whole Spiderman thing, and she is 'sick' of hearing my complain about Florida. It was her stupid idea. We don't know why she expects me to be happy about it.

Fine, i'll be nice to the assholes taking kids hostage. Don't want to upset the press. Not like they've ever needed an excuse to bad mouth me before.

I'm not gay if that is what you are asking, just making an observation. The boys certainly think Lucy is pretty anyway.

And no, other than Lucy we have no friends here.

Chapter Text

Penny,

Seriously kid- is everything okay? I'm not saying let the crooks get away with what they're doing, I'm just saying be aware you're in public view. Also, I don't know what they're teaching you about grammar in these Florida schools but that last e-mail didn't make much sense.

Just call me sometime, okay?

Tony

Chapter Text

Tony,

You mean other than us being in Stupid Florida, with the Stupid Press watching my every stupid move? We are fine!

We are in control.

Chapter Text

Penny

Stark! You need to get to Florida now!!

Penny's been... something has control of her!

You

What?!

What has control of her?!

Penny

I don't know! It looks like her new suit!

Just hurry and suit up! I'd go after her myself, but I'm a little busy seeing as her Aunt chose now to have a heart attack!

You

I'm on my way.

Chapter Text

You

Okay, en route

Now who the hell is this?

Penny

Good. If you can get her to the hospital I might be able to get it out of her.

You might need to make a pit stop and get her some clothes, actually....

You

Who is this?!

Penny

Lucy.

You

ffs

Chapter Text

You

So May's had a heart attack, Pen's in trouble, and I think her new bff is just her old bff in a skirt.

brb going to Florida

Captain Sexybutt

This had better not be another stupid attempt to not talk about Washington.

I know Jarvis is sending these to the suit, pick up

Fine, I'm coming, but I'm taking your jet.

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Stark,

I know you don't agree with Fury's decision to take your Daughter in, but threatening to blow up one of his Helicarriers is just going to land you in a cell down the hall.

She is in Quarantine. Fury wants to keep her there until he can be sure all that...'Vemon' is out of her system. Bruce is on the team looking after her, he'll make sure they take care of her.

Fury isn't going to keep her forever Tony, just until she isn't a danger to herself or anyone else.

Natasha.

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Pen,

So hopefully by now Bruce has got your phone to you and you can get on your e-mail. I want to come see you, but they seem to think I would try to bust you out and they're refusing my entry, even when I came in the suit and was being REALLY PERSUASIVE.

Maybe it's the best place for you. They need to get rid of whatever Osbourne did to you. You'll be okay, okay? I promise. We'll work this out.

I've been visiting May at least. She's doing okay.

Tony

P.S. When you get better, we're going to have a talk about you hanging out with Loki. Even if he is a girl now.  

Chapter Text

Tony,

Did I hurt anyone?

They won't talk to me here...

Am I a monster now?

…..

Chapter Text

Pen Pen,

Okay... I guess you're pretty tired of people bullshitting you, so I'm going to tell you the honest and total truth. Starting with this:

Osbourne did something to you in the lab, fused some sort of parasitical symbiote onto your skin. That's what was making the suit, it was also what was getting inside your head and making you act crazy. You wouldn't have done anything that you did if you weren't being influenced by it.

So it sounds like you had it half under control most of the time. You didn't kill anyone, but you did beat the crap out of like three different criminals you went after. Two of them are okay, one of them is still in the hospital.

From what we can tell, you only really lost control to 'Venom' when you found your aunt collapsed. According to lady-Loki, you thought she was dead, lost it and went off on a bit of a rampage while (s)he waited for the ambulance. Venom apparently tossed a few cars through store windows and stuff, wreaked some havoc. There were probably some bumps and bruises amongst quite a lot of the public, but I don't think anyone died. I got there and managed to pin it down before it went too far.

Turns out it doesn't like loud noises. Kind of wish I'd realised that before it trashed my first suit, but.....

You aren't a monster, kid. An evil man just put one inside of you. And if you hadn't been in there with it, it could have been a lot worse. So don't worry.

Tony

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Tony,

I need to get out of here...I want to see Aunt May. I was so mean to her...I need to tell her I love her.

How is she doing?

They keep giving me drugs...I don't like them...they make everything...foggy.

Pen

Chapter Text

Pen Pen,

I'll tell her, okay? But she already knows. She's doing okay. She's resting a lot, but she's in the best place. I'm paying for her care so don't worry about a thing.

Just hang in there a little longer. They just want to be sure you're safe...

Tony  

Chapter Text

Tony,

What if they can't get it out of me? I don't like it...it feels like fear and hate and anger...

Dad I'm scared..

Pen

Chapter Text

Pen Pen,

I'm sorry I didn't get you out of there today. I know you were probably confused, and I didn't want to leave you there. But Steve was right, you're still sick and I need you to be safe.

But don't worry, I'm going to fix you. I know someone who thinks they can help. Everything is going to be fine.

Dad

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You

I need your brother's phone number

Thorsome

Loki is living as a woman for the present. I would prefer you call her my sister.

You

I am not in the mood for a lecture on pronouns Thor

Just give me HER number

Thorsome

For what purpose?

You

Because he said he could fix Penny, and I can't.

Chapter Text

Dad,

Bruce is very kind.

He thinks Venom might be tied into my emotional state, so he has been trying to cheer me up..

He gave me an ipod, but admitted he didn't know much about modern music so it has mainly just got Disney songs on it.

That is okay though...I like Disney...

Penny

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Penny,

If it's tied to your emotions, maybe you should stop worrying about being a monster, huh? Because I promise you you're not.

Your Aunt May got out of hospital today. She's staying with her sister. I hired a nurse to check in on them every day. She wants to come see you desperately, so expect to see her soon. I don't think even Fury will be able to keep your Aunt from you.

You're going to be okay. Really. I've found someone to help, I just need to get them inside. You'll be home soon, okay?

Tony

Chapter Text

You

Are you ready yet?

Reindeer Games

These things take time Stark.

But yes, I am >:)

You

Finally! We'll go tomorrow and get her out quickly.

Mainly because I'm not sure how long my stomach can handle you looking like Cap...

Reindeer Games

If you prefer, I could take your form and go alone.

You

Yes, right, like I'm letting you go near my daughter alone!

Reindeer Games

Fine, just remember my price Stark

Chapter Text

Dear Penelope,

I've tried so many times to tell you this in person, I think it's going to be easier to write it down; especially now, when you're still recovering from having that horrible thing inside you.

So first of all, know that I love you. I've always thought of you as a daughter and I always will. But part of raising a child is knowing when to let them go. I always thought it would be after you left college, but it looks like the time is on us. I think if you're honest you know that too.

The thing is, your father knows much better how to help you than I ever will. I will always be here for you, but the press and super-villains and alien creatures... what do I know about things like that? I know you want to use your powers for good. I wish you didn't, because I want you safe, but I also know we raised you better than to sit by and do nothing if people need your help. Your Uncle Ben would have been just the same. And I can't help thinking that by bringing you out to Florida, I only helped that monster to take over. I'm so sorry.

That's why I talked to your father the other day. If you want to, you can go and live with him permanently. I won't make you go, and you will always have a home with me if you want it, but I do want you to think about it. You don't need to worry about me. June and I will be quite happy here in the sunshine.

Your Uncle would be very proud of you, and so am I. Don't get hurt.

With all my love,

Aunt May xx

Chapter Text

Dad,

I hope I didn't get you in too much trouble...Fury seemed pretty mad that you sneaked Loki in. If it helps, I'm feeling much better and the latest tests didn't show any signs of Venom.

Fury wants to keep me in a couple more days, just to be sure, but after that I'm free to go.

I was thinking, since Aunt May isn't well...maybe I could move in with you again for a while. I mean she needs to relax, not worry about whether her super powered niece is gonna turn into a monster again...

It would only be for my last year of high school, then I can move into a college dorm or something.

So let me know I guess, otherwise I'll head back to Florida.

Penny

P.S Was seeing him as Cap weird for you? Because it was freaking weird for me...

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Pen Pen,

Yeah, seeing Loki as Cap was SO WEIRD. I haven't made out with Steve in a week. I can't help wondering if he (she? What is he right now?) has done it before and then I get like super grossed out. Eww.

So how does he do it anyway? Is it an illusion? Shapeshifting? Because honestly a shapeshifting Loki is the last thing I want to worry about. Well, after whatever the hell he was planning to do with Venom after he got it out of you.

The most annoying thing is he didn't do anything I couldn't have done. I mean, all he did was strap your body down and then make a load of noise and wave some fire around. I could have done that with matches, no Asgardian voodoo required. He scared it into this little jar and you can bet your life he wanted to keep it, but Fury pointed more and more guns at his head until he handed it over. We're lucky Fury doesn't trust anyone, not even Captain America.

Anyway, the 'fee' for his services was the right to go on one date with you without my 'interference'. That doesn't mean you can't say no when (s)he asks. Say no.

Tony

P.S. I've been modding the guest suite a bit. If you're moving in long-term it needs to be more personal to you. Any requests?

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Dad,

I think when he turned into Cap it was an illusion, but when he is Lucy he actually physically changes into a female....maybe? I don't know, I'll have to ask him when we go on our date :P

Speaking of dating, how are things between you and Steve? I know you said he was thinking of moving to Washington...is that still happening? I'm sorry I didn't ask before...

Penny.

P.S Could I put a work bench in my room? I used to have one in the Garage at home..

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Penny,

Did you miss the part where I told you to say no?

But fine, whatever. I did agree to not interfere for one date, and you have that SUPER STRENGTH and all. But the others didn't make any promises, so make sure you have the Iron Man pin with you and if anything comes up you can't handle, Old Uncle Hulk will be right over. And, you know, I guess so far this Loki has been acting pretty different to the old one. It could still be a trap though. What did he even want with Venom?

Steve is still going to Washington, with Vision and the twins and Nat and his bff/secret crush the Falcon (He was at the party before Ultron, if you remember). With them leaving too, it looks like it's just going to be me and you in the Tower for a while. Is that okay?

As for the dating part, I don't really know where I stand. Steve hasn't been right since Wanda messed with his head. I guess I'm worried if I ask him to talk about it, it'll just get worse again. But whatever, you don't want to hear about your old man's love life and/or lack thereof.

Have fun on your date I guess. And don't wear anything slutty.

Tony

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Dad,

I didn't miss you telling me to say no. I just chose to ignore it :P

I'll take the pin, but only if you promise not to have someone spy on us! I'll call someone if I need help, but I don't want anyone hiding behind a bush watching us.

They are all going to Washington? That's a shame, I would have liked to hang out with Pietro and Wanda again. Are they setting up another Avengers or something?

Not that I mind it just being us....as long as you don't....

I remember Sam. I asked him about his wings, but he didn't seem to know much about the technical details. He said I could look at them sometimes, if I promised not to touch any of the mechanics.

Penny

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Penny,

So Steve finally came and talked to me and apologised for being such a head case lately. He said Wanda had reminded him about Peggy and everything he didn't get to have. I guess part of him is still waiting for the day the war is over and he gets to go home. But he said he didn't want grieving for what he didn't get to have last time stop him from trying to have it here. Then just as it all seemed to be going marvellously he said he was still leaving me and going out to the new base so yeah, you know, I'm convinced.

I think we might have broken up. So don't expect to see him around, I guess.

What happened with Loki?

Tony

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Dad,

Oh that sucks, you two were a good couple. Couldn't you try long distance?

The date was nice. We went to see a movie and then went back to Loki's for dinner (He is a surprisingly good cook), then we he walked me back to the Tower so I wouldn't miss curfew and you wouldn't set the Iron legion on him.

We did a little crime fighting on the way. I was a little nervous in case there was any Vemon left, but Loki said I needed to 'get back on the horse' or i'd sync myself out too much. I probably wouldn't have done it if it had just been a robbery, but we ran into some guys hassling some poor girl and I didn't want to just leave her.

You know I could just come tell you all this in person, since you are obviously still awake up there :P

Penny

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Cap. ASSmerica

“Honey honey, how you thrill me”

You

???

are those song lyrics?

...are you trying to google again?

Cap. ASSmerica

No, they're for you

The kids were doing it, I thought it was sweet

You

the kids?

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Cap. ASSmerica

Wanda + Vision

You

They were singing? Or texting?

Honestly I'm not sure which would be weirder....

Cap. ASSmerica

texting song words

You

...so Vision texts now?

Cap. ASSmerica

Yes, he does

Apparently their song is something called 'Sugar Pie Honey Bunch'.

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Cap. ASSmerica

We have one too, according to Pietro

You

and what would that be?

Cap. ASSmerica

I don't know it

He says it's called 'Macho Man' by The Village People?

I'm told it's perfect

You

….................

that is not our song

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Cap. ASSmerica

Then I take it you have a better idea?

You

That depends.

We still dating with you in Washington?

Cap. ASSmerica

You don't want to?

You

I do... I just thought with you leaving you might not want to...

Cap. ASSmerica

Tony, seriously...

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Cap. ASSmerica

I left New York

I didn't leave you.

You

Okay.

Cap. ASSmerica

As they say in ABBA...

“I'm gonna stick to you, boy, you'll never get rid of me, there's no place in this world where I rather would be”

xxxxxxx

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YOU

So, I'm home safe

though I don't know why I have to text when you walked me home

the tower isn't that tall Loki :P

LOKI

Ah, it was a mischievous and very clever plan I'm afraid

To get you to text me <3

YOU

ah I see, very sneaky

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LOKI

Free tomorrow?

YOU

sure :) Though you know your deal with my Dad will be over

Ironman has free reign to interfere

LOKI

Psh

I'm sure it means nothing in the face of TRUE LOVE and so on and ectera

Anyway, I want to borrow that DVD.

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YOU

I still can't believe you've never seen Star Wars

LOKI

It had better be good

Don't disappoint me

You

I think you'll like it

LOKI

Good

I'll come tomorrow and borrow it

And your TV

And you ;)

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YOU

Coming to the tower? How brave :P

I might have to return your birthday present ;)

LOKI

I might have to insist you keep it

YOU

Well I...

you know what this metaphor is getting strained. Lets just make out after the film <3

LOKI

Deal.

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Pen Pen,

Fine, Little Miss Smarty-Pants, if you're so sure I'm awake come up and hang out. It's lucky for you I'm in a good mood right now or we would be having serious words about your taste in men. My taste, however, is apparently just fine. It seems I am not broken up after all.

Seriously though. I guess so far- so far!- this Loki hasn't done anything too evil. So it's your call whether you want to trust him or not, I'll let you judge for yourself. For what it's worth, I still think he's up to something. But maaaaaaaybe it's just the normal 'something' that all teenage boys are up to. Including Vision now apparently. Weird.

Anyway, I'm making pop tarts. Come have supper/breakfast/dinner/food/whatever you call it at this time of night. And then I want you in the lab- You still haven't ironed out the kinks in those bug cameras. Come on, it'll be fun; like a sleepover but with more science and less sleep. Pillow fights optional.

Dad