Work Text:
Goshiki wakes up to quiet voices and a hand softly running through his hair. Ushijima and Tendou are whispering to each other about some new video game Tendou wants to try. Goshiki takes a moment to bask in the comfort of being squished between his two friends. After a few seconds listening to his Senpai's conversation, Goshiki inhales deeply and tries to wake his brain. He stretches his arms all the way from his shoulders through his spine, twisting his legs at weird angles before he feels a painful twinge in his ankle; a harsh reminder of why he's in this room. He sucks in a breath through clenched teeth and recoils from the unexpected pain.
"Goshiki! Are you alright?" Tendou asks. He had been watching the boy slowly wake up, but it seems he forgot about his hurt ankle.
Ushijima rises from the bed, causing a whine to sound from Goshiki's curled up form. "I'm just gonna grab some ice for you, and breakfast, okay?" He assures, leaning down to be face to face with Goshiki while rubbing his arm soothingly.
Goshiki nods slightly and mumbles "Okay..." watching as Ushijima steps out of the room. He maneuvers his body to lay face down on the bed, and digs his face in the pillow, letting the suffocating feeling calm his racing thoughts. He's scared. Sure, his upperclassmen were being nice right now, but they said last night they would have to talk about what exactly happened, and Goshiki is quite embarrassed. He doesn't want to admit his train of thoughts now that he had gotten some reassurance. Sure, he's still not confident that he isn't one fuck up away from ruining the first friendships he's made, but he's determined to do everything right. So nothing bad will happen. Maybe.
A hand on his back pulls Goshiki from the stressed out thoughts buzzing in his head. "Whatcha thinking about?" Tendou asks, concern evident in his tone.
Goshiki considers his options. He really doesn't want to admit why he acted the way he did yesterday. He's ashamed that he lashed out and yelled at the two older boys. He wouldn't blame them for deciding to stop being friends, even though they assured him last night that all was well. What if they just didn't want to upset him more? A shiver runs through his body at the thought.
The hand on his back starts scratching lightly from his upper back to lower back, just barely making contact with Goshiki's skin through his shirt. "We can't help you if you don't tell us what's wrong, bud. Before you start, I just want to remind you that there's nearly nothing you could say that would make Ushijima and I upset with you."
"Nearly?" Goshiki questions curiously, wondering what the line is. Maybe they'll realize he's too attached when he admits everything and-
"Well, like if you killed someone, I think we'd have some questions! But I also think if you killed someone, you'd probably have a good reason. We might still be a little upset at first though..." Tendou teases, and Goshiki barks out a laugh. He should've expected it, but he's been so caught up in his head. That's one of is favorite things about Tendou. He always brightens Goshiki's mood, somehow knowing exactly what he needs to hear. Goshiki's forever thankful for it. "I mean it, dude. Outside of off the wall shit, there's absolutely nothing you can do that Ushijima and I would be angry with you for. Whatever happened, we just want to help. But we can't help you unless we know what's going on." Tendou insists, still rubbing up and down Goshiki's back.
"Can we wait until Ushi is back?" Goshiki asks shyly, head still buried in the pillow.
Tendou smiles fondly at the boy lying beside him. He deserves the world, in the redhead's mind. "Of course. He should be back soon." The two boys lie in comfortable silence as Goshiki soaks up the affection Tendou offers. It's nice, he thinks, to have physical evidence that someone's there. Especially for Goshiki, who often forgets he has people in his corner now.
No more than five minutes after he left, Ushijima is pushing the door open with breakfast in his hands and a bag of ice balanced precariously in his arms. Tendou moves to take the ice and help Ushijima get settled as he sits back in the bed. "Goshiki was just about to tell me what was going on yesterday, but he wanted to wait for you." Tendou tells his boyfriend with a smile on his face.
Ushijima's lips quirk up ever so slightly, secretly delighted to know that Goshiki trusts him as much as Tendou. Ushijima is not historically good with people, so it's reassuring to hear. He looks at the younger boy, who is sitting up against the headboard now. "Go on." He encourages, hoping it's enough to make Goshiki more comfortable.
Goshiki glances back and forth between his upperclassmen, nervous to confess his fears, but when he sees the welcoming expressions on both his friends' faces, he thinks maybe it'll be okay to share. He takes a deep breath, feeling the bag of ice shift on his ankle when he moves to sit up straighter. "Um, I had a really bad day yesterday, if it wasn't obvious. I barely slept, and I forgot to eat breakfast, and I kept messing up in morning practice." Goshiki feels leftover frustration from his less than average playing yesterday bleed into his tone. He inhales and exhales slowly, trying to calm himself down. "Shirabu kept making comments. They were worse than usual, and neither of you were there to tell me he was wrong, so I guess I just... believed it? Anyways, I-"
Tendou interrupts Goshiki before he can move on from Shirabu. "What did he say to you?" Goshiki can feel the fire in his Senpai's words.
"Oh, um. I don't want you to be mad at him..." Goshiki mumbles quietly, locking his gaze on the checkered comforter.
"If we get mad at him, that's his own fault." Ushijima leaves no room for argument, so Goshiki continues.
"Um, I kept- kept messing up. And he said that if I didn't work harder you guys would stop thinking so highly of me... And um" Goshiki pauses, unsure of how to frame the other comment in a way that's not embarrassing for him. He shakes his head. Ushijima and Tendou wouldn't judge him. "He said, 'Better practice more, wouldn't want... mommy and daddy... to forget about their volleyball star because he started sucking.'" Goshiki's voice breaks and heat flows to his cheeks. "I obviously- don't think of you guys as parents, um... If anything, maybe brothers? I understand if you think that's weird I'm sorry..." he rushes to add. This is humiliating, and Goshiki kind of wants to fade into the sheets right now so he can stop experiencing it. His heart is racing, terrified of the response he's about to get.
He is caught off guard by a set of long arms swinging to wrap around him. "AWWWWWW GOSHIKI!! We see you like a little brother too! It's not weird!" Tendou all but squeals as he squeezes the first year in his arms and rocks back and forth happily.
Ushijima is smiling from his other side, and the ace runs his hand through the black hair. "It's true Goshiki, there's nothing to be embarrassed of."
Goshiki will forever be thankful that his first friends are so consistently kind and good to him. "Thank you." He whispers. "Um, anyways, I guess that comment coupled with my nightmare, I-"
"Nightmare?" Ushijima questions, and Tendou loosens his hold on the boy so he can see his face as he talks.
"Um. Yeah. That's kinda why I didn't sleep." Goshiki admits, hoping they don't ask what it was about. That's a whole other can of (embarrassing) worms. It had been about Ushijima and Tendou. He dreamed that he approached them at school for lunch like usual, and they laughed in his face. They taunted him and wondered why he thought they would ever actually want to be friends with him. Faceless students laughed as they reminded Goshiki that he was unlikeable. It was his worst, most irrational fear played for him like a movie. He couldn't fall back asleep, part terrified he would see the mocking expressions of his upperclassmen's faces, and part kept up by by fears running rampant in his brain, making him second guess everything. Maybe he didn't skip lunch just to practice more... he had been scared.
"What was it about?" Ushijima questions, unaware of the first year reliving the nightmare in his head.
Goshiki shakes his head, clearing the images of his friends teasing him. "Well... It was about you..."
"Me?" Ushijima asks, his eyes widening slightly.
"And Tendou. And some people from school, I guess..." Goshiki's shoulders are slumped as he curls in on himself, pressing his head down so his chin almost touches his chest.
"What happened?" Tendou urges softly, one arm still around his underclassman's shoulders.
Goshiki feels pathetic. Here he is, about to admit one of his worst fears to his only two friends. They're about to find out just how overly attached he is to them and be weirded out and then they'll leave and-
"Hey," Tendou calls, pulling Goshiki from his spiraling train of thoughts, "remember what I told you earlier?"
"Outside of off the wall shit, there's absolutely nothing you can do that Ushijima and I would be angry with you for."
Goshiki takes a deep, shaky breath, and nods his head. "I dreamt it was all a prank. That I went to eat lunch, and you guys told me you were only pretending to be my friend for a few laughs. You and my classmates all teased me and reminded me why I don't have friends. I'm unlikeable." His voice gets quieter as he reaches the end of the sentence.
Ushijima and Tendou are staring at Goshiki with wide, pitying, eyes. "Oh Goshiki..." Tendou sighs, wrapping both arms around the boy to bear hug him from the side. Ushijima does the same on his end, both locking him in their embrace. He feels safe. "You're not unlikeable, little ace. You've had a hard time, that's for sure, but that's because the people in your life fell through, not because something's wrong with you." Goshiki feels tears form in his eyes at the reassuring words. "Do you want to keep going? I don't want to interrupt you too much." Goshiki nods his head, letting Tendou wipe at the tears that fell.
"Um anyways, so Shirabu made that comment to me, and it just- with everything I was already afraid of, plus the confirmation that it was a valid fear from someone... I convinced myself that I needed to spend a lot more time on individual practice outside of the team ones. So I practiced through lunch, and I didn't have time to eat, so I just showered and went to class before we met in the afternoon."
"Ahh. So you didn't miss lunch because of a meeting with your teacher, then." Ushijima observes.
Shit. Goshiki forgot about the excuse he'd given them. "Um- I-"
Seeing the panic written on Goshiki's face, Tendou saves him. "Ahh no worries, dude. We understand why you didn't tell us!" Goshiki breathes a sigh of relief at Tendou's words.
"Okay... I'm sorry, though. Practice with the team was okay... Better than morning, but I still wasn't satisfied. I felt like a failure, and I didn't want you to see me suck."
Tendou and Ushijima have to strain to hear the last few words from Goshiki. "Is that why you got so upset when we offered to help?" Ushijima asks gently.
The tears that had started to recede make a comeback as Goshiki remembers the harsh way he spoke to his friends. Regret and guilt settle in his stomach uncomfortably, and a lump forms in his throat. "I don't-" He chokes over the words, trying to speak over the urge to sob. "I don't know why I acted like that!" Goshiki cries. "I was confused and upset because I don't understand how you can care so much about me when even my parents don't." The tears spill over and Goshiki whines, trying to cut off the sobs, but he's unsuccessful as they burst through his lips. His breaths hiccup in his chest painfully and a wail tears from his throat. The confession is something that had been eating at him through the weeks since they first became friends. His parents never ask him about his day like Ushijima and Tendou do, they don't smile at him like his friends do, they don't even look at him with the same kind eyes that Tendou always has when he talks to Goshiki. For so long Goshiki thought the problem was him. His entire worldview had been shaken by the friendliness of his teammates, and Goshiki is having a hard time dealing with that. He doesn't know where to go from here, and the hurt from his parent's all but abandonment is like a festering wound that he's been trying to ignore (with some success. But with actual support behind him, it feels like the fragile walls he'd built are crumbling down in front of him.) It leaves his chest aching, and a feeling of vulnerability that stings.
Ushijima feels out of his element. He's usually okay at dealing with feelings, but this is more than just a bad day. This has been building, and in retrospect, he and Tendou probably should have seen it coming. He looks at Tendou over Goshiki's crying form to see him looking at his first year with tears in his own eyes. Ushijima has the sudden urge to bundle Goshiki up and guard him from the harsh world. He doesn't understand why the boy's parents would be so terrible to such a sweet kid. How dare they entangle him with such fears and insecurities. Goshiki deserves only the best.
Goshiki is still crying loudly, sobs ripping painfully from his throat as Ushijima and Tendou rub his back and he clutches harshly at his chest. He feels like he's floating. Like he can't control anything and his soul is leaving his body. The whispered words of comfort aren't doing much to break Goshiki out of his head. Ushijima notices a glazed-over look making its way onto Goshiki's face, and guides Tendou to wrap himself around their friend so he can grab a blanket from the end of the bed. A weighted blanket, to be exact. It's something that has benefited both Ushijima and Tendou greatly on multiple occasions, and he hopes it will help Goshiki as well. He's quick to wrap it around his shoulders, and take his place back on the outside of the bed. He turns so he's facing Goshiki and captures one hand in his own, holding it with a firm grip.
Goshiki is overwhelmed. Everything he's been pushing deep down is bubbling to the surface in an ugly display of emotions, and he's both so embarrassed and forever thankful to have the two people who mean the most to him here to help ground him. He fees like he's exiting his body until a heavy weight is dropped on his shoulders and wraps around him like a cocoon. His wailing sobs quiet down to soft cries and hitching breaths when he feels a hand grab his own, squeezing tightly. Goshiki squeezes back as he starts to return to his body. He feels Tendou up against his back, his body pressing against his own. It dampens the crushing loneliness in his chest. "Let it all out, ace, but stay with us, okay? I know you're feeling a lot of confusing things but you gotta stay with us."
Tears are still streaming steadily down his face as Goshiki nods his head. "I'm sorry." He rasps, feeling bad for making them deal with his big emotions.
"Please don't apologize, Goshiki. I'll repeat it as much as you need to hear it, but we want to help you. You're allowed to have moments like this. It's okay to cry, and need a shoulder to lean on. Let us be here for you." Ushijima insists, nearly desperate for the boy to believe him. He takes the hand that's not holding Goshiki's and places it on the boy's cheek, thumb stroking lightly.
All at once, like someone cut the strings on a puppet, the tension that held Goshiki tight and made him tremble with anxiety is released from his body. Goshiki inhales shakily, then breathes out a deep, exhausted sigh, leaning further into the warm bodies that surround him. They hold him and piece his broken soul back together one by one, prepared to assist every step of the way. This kid has been helping himself for way too long. It's time someone guides him. No one is meant to be alone forever, and Ushijima and Tendou are determined to make sure this kid never has to be alone again.
"Goshiki," Tendou starts, "you are a wonderful friend, you know that? The world has been missing out on the wonder that is Goshiki Tsutomo. You're smart, incredibly funny, I mean, you can even make Ushi laugh which is a feat!" Ushijima chuckles at that, and Goshiki turns his head to look at Tendou as he speaks. "Not to mention you are fucking amazing at volleyball! I don't care how much you think you need to improve. Even Ushijima can improve. Volleyball is a sport where everyone is growing all the time, and the only way you really lose is if you give up. That being said, push yourself, but care for your body as well." Tendou lightly scolds. "There's no valid excuse to skip every meal, and not even think to eat a snack before practice. It was stupid, and that cannot happen again. Your heath is much more important than practice."
Goshiki flinches back just slightly, not a fan of being lectured. He nods his head in understanding.
"I admire your drive to improve." Ushijima says bluntly. Goshikis head swings in his direction, eyes wide at the praise. "Despite everything, your volleyball team basically ostracizing you, your classmates doing the same, people on the team basically bullying you; you manage to be one of the best players on the team."
Goshiki is staring at Ushijima like he hung the stars in the sky, his jaw dropping open at such a straight forward compliment. "You- You mean that?" He asks in disbelief.
"I don't say things I don't mean." Ushijima responds.
Goshiki's smile is blinding as he squishes himself further into Ushijima's arms and squeezes tightly. "Thank you!" he squeaks.
"Wanna know my favorite thing about you, little ace?" Tendou asks. Goshiki looks up from Ushijima's hold. He nods his head hesitantly. "You are so kind. Just, genuinely, a friendly person. I really don't think you have a mean bone in your body. You're sassy! But not in a way that makes people feel bad. You have a wonderful personality, and I'm sorry people haven't seen that until now. But we see you. We love hanging out with you. It's not a joke, or a prank, or because we feel bad. We just like spending time with you." Tears slowly track down Goshiki's face as he stares at Tendou in complete shock. Tendou would be worried if it weren't for the big smile forming on his underclassman's face.
"You- You're serious? You actually like me??" Goshiki asks, just to confirm.
"Of course we do little ace!" Tendou responds quickly.
Goshiki pulls Tendou into his and Ushijima's embrace. "Thank you... thank you guys so much I- I thought something was wrong with me... But you guys are so nice and you actually like me and I don't know how to react but it makes me so so happy. Just- thank you. I'm really glad to have you guys"
"And we're glad to be here." Ushijima says easily.
Goshiki revels in the feeling of having friends and being liked. The arms around him a heavy reminder that he's truly not alone anymore. He smiles to himself. This is nice.