Work Text:
26th Third Astral Moon of Year 2, Seventh Umbral Era.
Colleagues, the author is gratified by the thoughtful replies and questions received on one’s memorandum on best practices in crew health, hygiene, and safer sexual pursuits amid shore leave. That said, one is aware that one’s memorandum was by necessity brief, and did not cover all the salient points concerning best use of preventative devices. Therefore, one will attempt to comment upon and answer what missives one has received with clarity and further edification in mind.
From Lieutenant-Healer K’siha Tia, aboard the Bloodmoon:
I understand that a preventative sheath is only useful as long as it retains structural integrity. Might the author have advice for those of us who may have intimate body jewelry or other projecting features that may prove hazardous to one of these devices?
Lieutenant K’siha, the author has not yet acquired such body jewelry and therefore such has not featured in personal testing, but discreet research indicates that best results may be had with one of the more expensive reusable sheepsgut devices, which may be washed and dried for re-use. The washing process will provide a valuable test of its integrity — simply fill the device with rinse water and hold it up. If it leaks, it has sustained damage from its no doubt vigorous use and should be discarded and replaced with a new one.
As to proper fitting over such intimate piercings, scales, or spines, one is advised to find a sheath slightly larger than one’s personal measurements (taken while in a state of full arousal) so that the thin material does not snag and tear. Proper use of personal lubrication will also ensure a reduction in damaging friction.
From Storm Corporal Yano Tano, aboard Llymlaen’s Favor:
The officers aboard my vessel have not availed themselves of the funding available from the Surgeon-General’s Offices, and therefore have not begun to give out preventative sheaths prior to shore leave. Being a cautious sort, I have attempted to purchase such devices prior to taking ship, only to find that they were all the wrong size. Fortunately I found many crafted for Lalafellin use in Thanalan, and thus advise fellow crewmates of similar size to shop there. However, now I am in possession of a good dozen preventative devices of the wrong size, and know not what to do for them, as my crewmates refuse to buy them from me for a discounted price. Please respond with advice.
I commend your caution, Storm Corporal, for a wound taken in amatory pursuits deprives us of an able sailor as much as a wound taken in combat will. Your advice will be very helpful for other Lalafellin colleagues. Do not discard the mis-sized preventatives, however. I have learned of non-amorous uses for such, up to and including as improvised water bottles during extended survival-and-evasion exercises. For such purposes latex devices as can be procured in Gridania are rather more useful than the gut kind, as the latex can expand in the manner of a child’s toy balloon.
For musketeers operating in dusty areas, a preventative deployed over the muzzle of one’s pistol, musket, or rifle will prevent the barrel from fouling with wind-blown sand and grit, which preserves the accuracy of one’s weapon, pun very much not intended.
From Lieutenant-Healer Violette Monceau, aboard the Razor’s Edge:
As is typical for a man, Chief Vilauclaire ignores the transmission of illness through oral routes. It is possible to catch diseases venereal orally should the performing participant in prolonged oral-genital contact possess a sore or a cut lip while pleasing a recipient who may have a latent infection. In such cases, actual physical contact can be avoided by cutting a preventative sheath open lengthwise and laying it across the peccant parts involved, if one's partner possesses a vulva. Latex devices are less suitable than the gut ones as the latex possesses a peculiar taste — flavored personal lubricant may be liberally applied to make the practice of safety more appealing to all.
The author had not thought of such an aspect in the transmission of very personal diseases, and is suitably educated and chastened. The author also wishes to express that one is a gentleman and therefore strives to ensure all participants leave personal encounters thoroughly pleased when all is done.
From Storm Private Third Class Askaren Kroemslafsyn, aboard the Lady’s Rebuke:
They don’t make one big enough for me.
How odd. One has spoken to various apothecaries and they assure the author that such preventative sheaths can be three ilms short or even smaller, on special order. In all seriousness, sheepsgut need not come from a sheep — beeve and buffalo guts come in far larger diameters than sheep intestines do, and the most satisfactory preventatives come sized for a wide range of potential users.
From Second Storm Sergeant Aisgeim Wzynwolkswyn, aboard the Serpent’s Eye:
A warning to those who might use Gridanian preventative sheaths. A tiny number of persons are afflicted with a latex allergy that may not make itself apparent until a bell or later after contact with latex. The affected regions turn puffy and inflamed, swollen with rash and prickling sensations — an outcome almost as bad as the diseases one intends to avert. If one suspects a latex allergy, test a rubber preventative on a sensitive area of skin, such as within the elbow, before applying one on private areas of the body, lest one wind up in the sickbay anyway.
Truer words were never committed to the page. The author thanks you, Storm Sergeant, for your timely warning.
From Lieutenant-Healer Keeley Waulker, assigned to the infirmary in Limsa Lominsa:
Preventative sheaths are invaluable in reducing disease transmission from direct contact, but must be stored and held properly to ensure that they retain their integrity in said storage. Firstly, all preventative sheaths, gut and latex alike, should not be carried very close to the body (in a pocket or wallet). The warmth and humidity of a living body will cause the material to slowly degrade, making it friable and prone to rupture on use.
Secondly, while Chief Vilauclaire was no doubt too well-mannered to be this explicit in his instructions, I am not. A fresh preventative sheath MUST be used prior to each new encounter, and the user of the preventative must withdraw after spending, lest their emissions leak out of the top of the device and cause an unplanned pregnancy. Particularly virile sailors may wish to bring multiple fresh preventatives before they plan a long night out with an amenable partner, especially if prolonged use of stamina tonics are to be expected. Due to the expense of procuring multiple gut devices (due to their reusability), relying on latex sheaths may be the more economical option in such a case.
Such virile subjects are also advised to come visit me when they are in home port in Limsa Lominsa for some … professional questioning.
The author thanks you for your candid advice, Lieutenant-Healer Waulker, but declines the invitation.
By my hand,
Chief Storm Sergeant Severaux Vilauclaire
Master-at-Arms
The Wave-Harrier