Archive of Our Own

I was born to a rather large family. Two parents who loved me, some cousins who lived with us after an illness took their parents, a brother who always tried to keep me safe and then me. I was sickly most of my life, too pale to spend long in the sun and frequently catching fevers. When I was about ten my parents had two more children, my younger siblings that I cared for deeply. It was then we realized the problems we faced.

My father was a scholar, but the nobles at the time distrusted him. My mother was an artist, but her paintings weren’t seen as beautiful by many during her life. My one cousin was a tailor and the other a soldier, but their parents left them debts that took most of their earnings. My brother did any job he could, but knowing the status of our family he was often paid little. I knew what we could do, my parents did as well. No one wanted to bring it up so I finally chose to.

I sat down with my parents and they both looked worried, the last time I’d done this I’d begged to be allowed to work. Instead I used the words of our town against them. Their eldest daughter was a hidden beauty. She could be a noble with the right clothes. If only they bothered to send her to the castles when nobles came seeking a marriage candidate. All the things I’d heard and knew they meant about me. My parents didn’t like the idea, but it would be a large dowry. Enough to pay off the debts my cousins suffered and give my young siblings a better life.

Of course my elder brother hated the idea, but my family knew when they couldn’t change my mind. My mother and father had both worked in noble castles before, so they began to train me in the elegance that was needed. I was a quick study and soon they thought I was ready. Of course we didn’t have the gowns needed for attending the marriage candidate viewings, but my cousin took care of it. He said he claimed a shipment was stolen so I could have it, it was the least he could do. Both my cousins were unhappy with this, but it was the best thing I could do.

The first few nobles I’d appeared to were captivated quickly. I tried to be as I was taught, but often made them find me troublesome quickly. I knew tactics and played chess, pursuits that didn’t suit their wives. I read books, ones that had teachings many felt were heretical. I enjoyed gardening and doing the work myself. All of that didn’t add up to a noblewoman as they wanted. There were many nights I cried alone cursing myself for the things I’d learned to enjoy. I should never have done any of the things offered to me by my family. At least it was all I could think as our struggles grew worse. 

Every failed noble had the town like us less. My brother had fewer jobs and we had more of the merchants coming to offer their children’s hands for mine. Of course they’d just offer a steady job for my brother, which I knew they’d never keep once they’d had their way. We were nearing a point of no return when another noble came to visit. It was one of the neighboring castles often left empty, everyone was shocked. Usually the festivities lasted all day, but this nobleman decided the night was more than enough time. Despite the unease I insisted on going.

Each time I went, my cousin who’d made my gown would escort me. He was the only male in our family who could believably be my blood. We walked in with a crowd as we did many times. Usually I was one of the last viewed by the noble, being from a poor family it’s how it went. This time it was like he’d focused on me the second the doors opened. I’d felt a shiver down my back and desperately wanted to flee, but I couldn’t. He walked up to me and there was something about his eyes. They didn’t feel human.

“Greetings my lord, it is an honor to visit your home,” I said followed by a curtsy. The noble didn’t even speak, he just stared at me for a long time. I was sure I was going to be sent home, but instead he turned away. I almost broke into tears there, this time he wouldn’t even speak with me.

“Thank you all for coming, but the only guest I care to meet with tonight is this beautiful lady by my side. Please help yourselves to the refreshments, but she and I will be missing for the night,” he said. My eyes went wide and I turned to my cousin. He wasn’t sure what to do either. The noble turned back to us both and looked at me for a few moments before leveling his gaze at my cousin. “I promise I shall have the lady back by sunrise, my lady if you would entrust yourself to me?”

He bowed and it still felt off. Something in me told me to run far away. That this man would kill me, but I didn’t listen. I meekly nodded and my cousin left. That was the last time I would see him alive, I would find out the next morning he made the gown knowing he’d suffer the consequences. He was killed by the debtors for stealing from them, which only hardened my resolve at the time. I’m getting ahead of myself though, as my cousin left music began to play and the noble offered me his hand.

“Would you grace me with a dance, my lady?” he asked. I noticed then the gloves he had on, it wasn’t common for noblemen to wear them at the time. Although I was distracted by the offer, I didn’t know how to dance. 

“I-I’m sorry, my lord. I have been ill very often in my life, I don’t know how to dance,” I’d stuttered out. It was how I’d lost the chance with a few other nobles, they didn’t like that their wife may not have the grace and elegance needed for balls. 

“That’s fine, let me lead you.”

I wanted to refuse again, but I couldn’t risk this noble thinking I was stubborn or rude. I agreed and gave him my hand. He brought me through the dance as though I’d known the steps my whole life. It didn’t feel real, and by the end of it I was smiling. He was too, it was the only time he touched me that night. Once that first dance ended he brought me to a library that was hidden within his castle, books I recognized filled the shelves closest to us. I didn’t think before reaching out to one and flipping the pages. It was one I’d taken outside once and had taken for inappropriate topics. I gasped when I found the page I’d torn as it was ripped from my grasp.

“Do you enjoy reading, my lady?” he asked. I turned with a blush to face him, I’d never intended to reveal that again. I couldn’t find the words and felt the burn of tears in my eyes. He came up, careful to only touch the book and not my hands. “I feel that all people should be well read. The books that many claim are bad, merely have unexpected views. If you’d like, you are free to come read all you wish.”

“My lord, please do not tease me. I know very well that a noblewoman should not be reading, should not speak out of turn, should not enjoy dirty tasks like gardening, or things as war equivalent as chess,” I’d answered. I  had no doubt he’d heard of me and that’s why he singled me out. I stood out in my town, black hair and green eyes that sometimes made me look ghostly from how pale I was. I wouldn’t face him, I knew he’d just give me that look of disgust again.

“Actually, I feel a noblewoman should do as she pleases. It’s better to enjoy your life as best as you can, regardless of status. I would love to play chess with you, or see the things you grow in a garden, or sit together while reading a novel and hearing how you feel.”

I looked up at him stunned. The first time since we’d met his eyes felt beautiful and warm. It was odd, he had brown eyes yet I swore they were red at that moment. He smiled and something felt off again. The teeth that seemed too white also a bit too sharp. At the same time, he felt beautiful. I wanted to stay in that moment, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. Instead there was a cacophony of voices and I heard my name called. I ran out leaving behind the nobleman, those eyes, and the book that shouldn’t exist anymore.

That was the start of the end really. It was my other cousin, he’d come to get me and tell me the news. It was almost sunrise and most of the others were preparing to leave. I didn’t hesitate following him out and ruining the dress as we passed the remains of his brother. I cried as we reached our home. My parents held me tightly relieved to see I was alive. It didn’t matter anymore, we couldn’t risk delays and someone else getting hurt. If this noble asked for my hand I would agree no matter what.

We did what we could to prepare for him to call on me. We assumed it would be a servant sent later in the day. My mother tried to clean the gown, but it wasn’t possible. This time I would need to dress as I usually did. We wouldn’t be able to mislead him to believe I had a better upbringing. There wasn’t any news and we worried that my cousin’s death was pointless. I’d failed and we would all suffer for it. Instead the sun set and moments later there was a knock at our door. My mother and father were busy with my siblings, my brother begging for work with the guards of the town. My cousin, doing what he could to recover the remains of his brother. I answered and felt ashamed as soon as I opened it.

The nobleman was there, looking at me with the strange brown yet red eyes again. He held a box in his arms and a frown on his face. I didn’t know how to respond, I just looked at my feet. He held out the box, pushing it close enough I had to take it. I looked up and I could tell he wanted me to open it. I did and gasped, a new gown was there as if he knew mine had been ruined. I didn’t know how to feel.

“Thank you my lord, this is an amazing gift,” I said. I started to curtsy again, but he caught me. The features that felt wrong burning through me again.

“My lady, if I heard right your name would be Delphia. I heard of the tragedy that struck your family last night. I came to offer my condolences and to make my feelings clear. I would like you to be my wife, but not right away. Regardless of your decision I will help your family,” he offered. I dropped the box, too stunned to think.

“M-my lord that is generous and kind of you. I would be honored to wed you if you would still have me even seeing my status as it is. I-” He cut me off pressing a gloved finger to my lips. It stood out again, he felt cold despite the gloves.

“You need not thank me, I promise my wish to help is a selfish one.” He bowed a bit, but I couldn’t be sure how to feel. Helping my family being a selfish thing didn’t sound right. He picked the box up gently pressing it into my hands again. “If you would do me the honor of letting me speak with your parents on the matters that caused the catastrophe last night.”

“Oh, one moment please my lord. I’ll fetch them.” I turned to leave, catching myself before being rude. “Please, come take a seat, it should only be a moment.”

I didn’t wait, rushing to my parents. They were just finishing calming my siblings as I came in. They looked at me confused, the box I clutched from the noble still in my hands. My father left first, coming close to see that I was alright. The words were stuck in my throat and I just led him to the noble. He was sitting there and once again something felt weird. As we walked in I could swear he had only just started to breathe. I ignored it, my father sitting with him and ushering me away. The noble instead asked that I stay, it was strange for the time. My father was strange too, he accepted it. 

I sat stunned as the noble spoke. He seemed to know so much about our lives, a lot that didn’t make sense. He said he’d even make sure the murderers would be punished, it isn’t how to handle debts. I couldn’t believe it. I started to think I’d met someone who could make this painful life better. My father was suspicious and assumed it was for my hand. Instead we were told it was just something he wanted to do for the gift of courting me. It was unbelievable and we were both shocked. My father tried to refuse, but we weren’t given a choice.

As he tried to politely decline the offer, my surviving cousin burst in. He’d been stabbed, it was horrible to see. I screamed, my mother came to see the situation. She ran back quickly to see my siblings were kept safe from the scene. The noble didn’t move, I swore he wasn’t breathing. I looked at him as my father went to try and help, I could swear I saw sharp teeth poking out of his mouth. I had flashes of the book he had, the one that couldn’t exist before things started to move again.

“I’ll see this is handled sir. My lady, please visit once you feel  up to seeing others again,” he said. He snuck out the door and that time I knew I saw it. Sharp teeth that grew out from seemingly nowhere. His eyes lost the brown and I felt like I was staring at a predator. He left though, the monster he was hiding a secret that I would keep. If he could protect the rest of my family I’d sacrifice myself.

My cousin did survive the assault, the next morning a relief for us all. He couldn’t move his arm anymore, he couldn’t fight anymore. My brother managed to get work, but I knew there would be a catch. I took the time to dress in the gown the noble had brought me. I smiled seeing how it covered my neck, seeing those teeth I could only assume he was doing it on purpose. I pulled on the gloves he’d given me with it. I left without a word, if he was planning to take me I would go now as long as they were safe. My younger siblings could live full happy lives even if we’d all suffered in their place.

I walked through town and for the first time felt like the outsider they all saw. The gown was nicer than anything my cousin had made, it didn’t even feel like the fabrics he had. I just walked though. I ignored the comments I overheard, the false pity for the tragedy that struck my family. They all knew who did it and none of them cared. As the noble’s castle came into view it felt foreboding. It was like I was giving up my life when I reached that door. There wasn’t any instant death though. All I found was a note, inviting me inside and telling me to help myself to anything.

I did that, although I knew it was stupid. I went straight inside and found the library. The book was left out in the open. It was an old book of monsters, one that everyone said wasn’t true. My parents believed it though. Even after it was taken from me, they told me the stories. Vampires were real and would drink the blood of humans. They would have some red in their eyes, a reason my mother’s eyes were hated. They would have fangs that came out when they wanted to feed. I picked up the book and hissed as a page cut my finger.

“You should be more careful my lady, that could hurt you more than you realize,” the noble sounded behind me. I turned holding my hand close, his eyes were still that red tinted brown and no sharp teeth. “If you’d like I can wrap that for you, or has the bleeding stopped already?”

“My lord, I saw your teeth last night. If you have come to take me for a meal, I would rather you add to the pain my family is currently dealing with than wait for any to start anew,” I whispered. I tried to sound confident, but he was wiping tears from my face instead of addressing my words.

“Delphia, you aren’t wrong. I am a vampire. I have sought out the love of my life, one I lost centuries ago. I knew they’d come back one day and here you are. I felt it when I first set eyes on you.” I backed away from him. The idea of anyone saying that was terrifying, a vampire meant something else entirely. “I’ve learned my lessons. I can’t force you, but I would like you to give me a chance. If you refuse I will still help your family. I want you to be happy should it not be with me.”

“If you’ll help my family I will spend the time with you my lord.” I curtsied again. He made a strange face, but I ignored it. It didn’t matter what would happen to me. At the end of the day I would die human.

Time passed in a haze for me after that. I might have been getting sick then or he’d been doing something to me. I’ll never know for sure. He would spend nights with me, my family approving because I’d told them I’d marry him once he asked. He tried to make me leave each day, the first time I refused I was terrified. He was truly a corpse for the day and I couldn’t believe he’d wake up again that night. He did and for the first time didn’t act human for me. I let him use me as a meal at times after that. It seemed like a fair trade for what he’d done for my family.

He started to tell me more about who he was. Apparently he’d been alive for so long he couldn’t remember his own age. He had seen society change more times than he could count. He was important among vampires, not just humans. His line carried a power that others didn’t have. He even told me of the last time he’d met me. He thought I was going to kill him. I’d been a human lost and alone who begged for a place to spend the night. He hadn’t stayed up in the day much then, I was a risk to him. He took it, something about me made him want to take the risk. In that life I stayed with him only to die suddenly. He never knew what happened, but found things meant to kill vampires in my possession. He had a hope I had decided to spare him and died doing that.

I won’t lie, I did start to love him. He seemed to share my interests for the most part. He liked hearing my thoughts and he cared for my family. It was when the town realized I might have finally found a noble to marry me things turned. They never liked my family and they had been sure I’d never find someone. The debtors that the noble had started to pay off suddenly increased the debt. My parents were being called heretics and threats were thrown around. My siblings fell ill and no doctor would see them. My brother was losing his job, the only thing keeping us afloat. The last thing they did was attack me. I’d been beaten badly and called a witch for tricking someone like him into caring for me.

I was given a choice by the man who’d hired my brother. Marry his son, abandon the noble, and we’d be safe. The debts would be considered paid, the heresy claims would be gone, a doctor would see my siblings, and my brother would keep his job. I cried all day, but knew I didn’t have much of a choice. I went to try and tell the nobleman that I would be marrying someone else soon and thank him for his kindness. I collapsed on the way there. My poor health finally caught up with me and I was carried home by my brother who’d come after me. 

I wasn’t sure how long I was sick, but I could care for my siblings still. I cut up apples into small pieces for them every day. It was a treat the three of us loved. We hid the truth of where our parents had gone from them. The claims of heresy finally came to a head, they were taken. My brother, cousin, and I prayed they’d died swiftly. I started to get worse and my brother lost his job even though I’d tried to agree to the deal. He went on a journey to a nearby town hoping to find a better opportunity there. He never returned and we never heard from him again. I still hoped he somehow survived and was happy without us. 

There wasn’t much we could do. My cousin couldn’t work, I was ill, and my younger siblings were getting worse. I’d abandon the thought of the noble and the promises he’d told me. He hadn’t even come to see me, I was positive the love I’d started to feel was truly one sided. It was the night my siblings died that he appeared to me again. He’d burst in the door, his eyes a bright red and fangs out. In some ways I was hopeful that meant he’d finally come to claim his meal and he might have the kindness to take my cousin as well. Instead he calmed once he saw me returning to a human look that never felt quite right to me. We were lucky my cousin hadn’t been there.

“My love, I’m so sorry. I tried to save your parents once I’d heard, but I was too late,” he told me. I just nodded, at least my family would be together in the afterlife now. I noticed the way his nose twitched and he looked towards the room my cousin and I had begun to avoid. “No… Where are your siblings?”

“I apologize my lord,” I started. I had to pause to cough. It was a miracle I’d been on my feet at that point. I knew I’d be dead soon. “My younger siblings have joined our parents and with any luck my elder brother has made it to a town and chosen to abandon us. I wouldn’t want to think he died on his way.”

The way he looked at me told me all I needed. He knew what happened to my brother. He’d found him, or what was left of him. My cousin had gone out begging, but it didn’t matter. All the things we’d tried to protect were gone. We were going to fail too. I tried to stand, but fell again. He caught me, picking me up and carrying me to the room that my parents used. I’d shared one with my youngest siblings, I hadn’t slept much since we lost them. He placed me on the bed and just watched me for some length of time.

“What happened?” he whispered. I knew what he meant, there was a lot he didn’t know. A long enough time between my collapse and my parents being taken that I’d not gone to him.

“I’m sorry my lord. I’d been on my way to tell you when I fell ill. I had,” I had to take a deep breath to stop my tears. It hurt so much to think if I’d been a little stronger my family could still be there. “I had been coming to tell you I’d accepted a proposal from the son of my brother’s former employer. I was going to wed him and all the problems my family faced were going to be gone. I wasn’t fast enough though. I fell ill and it was too late. I failed them, the one thing I was good enough for and I failed.”

He said nothing as I cried. There was nothing he could say. The town tried to separate us, they scorned my family and left us for dead. They orchestrated murders and punishments no one deserved. I almost wondered if the death of my brother was their doing as well. It wouldn’t do anything though, I knew I was dying. He knew I was too, I could see it on his face. My cousin would be gone until sunrise.

“I can turn you, it was why I waited,” he said. I didn’t know how to respond. “I didn’t want to marry you and watch you die. We can be together for eternity if you’ll let me.”

Honestly my mind had started to fade. I was tired and this wasn’t helping. My cousin could be dead for all I knew and then I’d be all that’s left. I was going to die soon. I would suffer no matter the choices I made at this point. If I didn’t suffer I’d leave my cousin to suffer. I stared into his eyes, the strange brown tinted red, and nodded. They sparkled like I’d never seen before. He’d told me what it was like to be a vampire, it sounded nice enough. Eternity with the one you love, no aging, no illness or struggles, no more nightmares, and so much more he’d promised.

“I’ll be with you always,” he murmured. I could barely keep my eyes open anymore. I was tired of everything. “Are you sure you’re willing to do this?”

“It’s going to make me well,” I smiled at him, using the last of my strength to caress his face. It was so cold, I hoped he’d feel warm once I was like him. “Plus we’ll be together forever. I can’t see a reason to turn this down, I’ll die either way right?”

He smiled and it was the first time I saw a smile with his fangs. It filled me with doubt, but I couldn’t speak anymore. He bit my neck and it felt different. A cold sensation filled me that burned through my veins once it reached my heart. I gasped and then I felt my heart stop. I was still there though. Looking up at him he didn’t seem to be that person I’d started to love. Something was different and I didn’t feel that pull he’d spoken about. He felt like a monster and I was finally seeing who he really was. It was too late to change my mind though.

“What-” I tried. He pressed a finger to my lips, forcing me to be silent. The way he spoke, the way he looked, it all felt wrong.

“Quiet love, it can take some time for your fangs to come under control,” he crooned. He sounded different, like he had finally won his prize. “There’s no reason to prick your lips, I’ll fetch us a meal. One of the humans who tried to separate us.”

I tried to stop him, but he was fast. I sat up and everything felt different. The scents surrounding me filled me with pain and longing. I knew it was the last remnant of my family. All I’d ever have to remember them by after this. He was back with my brother’s former employer. I wanted to argue, but the noble pricked the cruel man’s neck. The scent filled me with such a desperate need as he showed me how to feed. I didn't care. That was the only human I’d ever killed, a part of me felt he deserved it.

The moment was ruined as my cousin burst in. He showed up right as I finished draining the man’s body. He cursed me and the noble, called us monsters. I tried to speak, but the noble shook his head. He picked me up and we left, returning to the castle that would be my home now too. It was almost sunrise and that was when I learned the first of his lies. As the sun came up and reached our home. I was pulled into a state I could only assume was like death. He never said I’d had no choice in the matter.

We lived together for a time, but he was different. He found the garden I started a waste and hated that I didn’t want to kill in order to feed. He tried to convince me this town especially deserved it after what they’d done. I wouldn’t listen to him. I learned as time went on just why I didn’t have that same pull, he wasn’t someone who loved me. He loved an idea of me he created, I thought the pull and claims of knowing I was a former love were lies. It didn’t matter. I knew this was the life I signed up for a long time ago.

Our little life wasn’t perfect, but it was better than I’d had before. He told me more, about how he was actually something like a guardian to other vampires. He had strength that outmatched the others and that I did too. Anyone we turned or any children we had would have the same thing. I just nodded along, it didn’t matter. I wouldn’t turn people and I didn’t have any reasons not to want children. The last night I saw him alive was only a few months after he turned me.

He went out to get us a meal, he said we’d share to make sure we left no trace behind. He just wanted to kill. I waited all night with a terrible feeling coming over me. He never took this long. I paced the length of the castle multiple times, my speed made it too small. As I felt the shiver that warned me of the sun I looked out the specialized window. He’d set it up so the sun couldn’t enter here through that window specifically. It was then I found him tied up in the center of town. I didn’t know what to do, I wanted to save him. The sun was too close.

He looked up and I knew he saw me. Our eyesight was better, we were predators. We locked eyes and as the sun came up I clutched the window like a lifeline. At the time I didn’t know how I did it, knowing what I do now I was probably biting my tongue or lip, but I stayed up to watch it happen. The sun came overhead, the shadows fading and I watched as slowly smoke started from him. Even then I still loved him. 

I watched the only person I had left in the world die a slow painful death before my eyes. The sun wasn’t quick to him, I didn’t know why. I’ve never been able to test it myself, when I was close enough to do something like that I’d been locked away. I had no idea how long I watched, the sun set and I hadn’t slept. He turned to ash after about half a day and I just stared begging for him to come back. I’m not sure when they showed up, but the people who he supposedly protected arrived. I tried to fight, but nothing worked.

They took me away to a new place and locked me inside after the first time I tried to go out in the sun. I never learned how he was caught or why he died. I just existed for years until I decided I wouldn’t just give up the life he’d given me. They let me return to the castle, they changed it as times changed to look more like the aesthetic of the homes in the area. Taught me some of what he hadn’t, things I think he never planned to. Until finally I was here alone with the others visiting rarely.

They still visit now, cast pitying glances towards the woman he turned. I have a power I don’t know how to wield and exist as something with no one to help. I won’t do as they want and they don’t like that. They thought for sure based on the time I was from I’d be complacent. I would have been if he was still here. He’s gone, I was alone, and honestly seeing the sun again felt more worth it for a long time. Now I push forward. I gave up everything for this new life, and I live it. In some ways I hate humans for causing this to happen, but I don’t do anything about it. It’s an empty hate because it’s easier to blame someone than admit how foolish I was…

She sighed as she finished her story. She didn’t particularly like telling it. A long sad and painful tale of a girl left alone. If she could, she'd forget about her time as a human to lose the pain. They’d all asked her at separate times about her past, it seemed best to get it over with. Telling her story now she saw so many more similarities in her new small human family. Vitus and Dabria reminded her of her parents. Felix and Ryder her cousins. Rhys her older brother, Sola and Luna her younger siblings. Ash and Alessia had parts of him that gave her hope that the pull wasn’t a lie. It didn’t matter though, her family was gone. She couldn’t even remember their names. Their faces and voices all blurred or distorted in her mind too.

She was laying on her side on her bed telling the story. She insisted in case it got to be too much and they needed to rest before she finished. A part of her was tempted to leave, go hide in the attic where that window still existed. A perfect view to the center of town where he died. She missed when Dabria had approached her, the feeling of her small hands on her face somehow soothing. When she pressed her body against her cheek with her arms spread wide Delphia was shocked.

“I’m sorry you had to suffer so much,” Dabria whispered. Delphia didn’t know how to respond. As far as she knew it was normal, her life was normal for a family like she had. Dabria was saying more, but she couldn’t hear it. The world flickered as the image of her own mother entered her mind again, Dabria’s features present there. The warm smile and red eyes that made her feel safe. “...we’re here for you now.”

“She’s right,” Vitus added. He came up and that look in his eyes sent her mind reeling. Her father in front of her, his hair tied back with his piercing emerald eyes. The eyes they shared that made everyone know she was his child. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t understand.

“I would probably do what your cousin did. Make a dress to help you even if it put me at risk,” Felix offered. The golden eyes sparkling as she tried on the gown and twirled in it. He was so happy to see her smiling despite their circumstances.

“I bet your cousin that called you a monster just said it to get you to leave. I can’t imagine staying would have let you be safe,” Ryder added. She could see the silver eyes and long hair tied back with pain on his face. He was so upset to send her away like he did that night.

“We like when you cut up the apples too!” Sola shouted. The younger sister who had bright eyes and would say she’d be just like her. The thing Delphia would laugh and warn against.

“Is there a way you can eat them with us?” Luna asked. Her younger brother who said he’d be strong enough to make sure they never had to work so hard again.

“You have us now,” Ash murmured. They hugged her hand and she saw the noble’s features again. How they matched Ash’s face, but nothing else. The scent skating through her mind.

“They’re right, we’re not leaving you… Especially not me and Ash,” Alessia added. The hair and eyes like his were overwhelming suddenly. Her mind racing as the people she cared about surrounded her. She couldn’t place the worlds. She couldn’t tell the past from the present.

Words echoed in her mind. Things she’d forgotten he told her. Not just romantic love returns to you. The family she lost could come back, the thing that pushed her to agree that night. She could see them again some day. He swore she’d see them again someday. It was like he knew. A message she’d sent while he was out. Asking her cousin to find out what he could, begging for his help.

The letter they gave her after they locked her up. The one that apparently a human had dropped off for the lady the noble vampire had kidnapped. A letter detailing the events that transpired. The fact he’d had her cousin killed. Her parents heresy trial with him heading the claims. The threats the doctor of the town received if he even tried to help her siblings. The night of the stabbing detailing how her cousin was never meant to survive. That their ancestors left this for them to suffer. Followed by a promise that he won’t control her anymore. That if she can live a life even as she’s been changed to still do it, for the family that would have supported her if she’d gone with him either way.

The anger and pain. The strength she didn’t know she had as she tried to get away. The shouts of those who locked her away intending to force her to do their bidding. The pain as she screamed desperate to get outside to reach the sun. The memory of him telling her she can stay awake by tasting her own blood when her body felt heavy. The amount it took to subdue her during her outburst. The calls for someone to handle her memory. Change things, fix it. The letter being burned in front of her so she’d never learn the truth again.

She moved, letting her small family pull away from her as she did. She got up and remembered the promise he’d made in that letter. In the bedroom with no windows, behind the large portrait he’d found a hidden compartment. He would hide something for her there. She didn’t respond as voices called out to her. She pulled the portrait from the wall, one of the interior walls they didn’t replace. They said these walls were safer. She closed her eyes listening for the difference in the wind. She pulled out a false brick, finding an old book.

The same book with the torn page that should be gone again. The book they demanded be gone when she was allowed to return. There was a bundle inside as well, she shuffled away and slid to the floor facing the bed. The bed where her family was, the ones she lost and now found. She wasn’t sure if that was true, what were lies. She flipped through the book, finding the torn page, it was just an illustration of fangs back then. She turned to the next page, the one that had always been one she couldn’t read. The one about bound souls.

Here she found the answers. She didn’t know if she could share them with the ones in front of her. They were so small, they weren’t like normal humans anymore. They weren’t her size, she almost wondered if they ever were. Had someone made them all larger when she began to exist? Things didn’t make sense anymore. She hung her head, shaking as tears started to fall. She felt someone’s hands petting her head.

“Del what’s wrong?” Rhys asked. It hurt so badly. The things those monsters did to try and control her. It was funny in a way how badly it failed.

“Did you know?” she whispered. “Vampires keep their bonds to souls that were important to them during their life. We just know when someone important is there. The easiest to understand is romantic love or extreme hate. Vampires can recognize their past family though, or close friends, anyone who their soul felt important enough to bind during their turning. It almost curses those they care for if a person becomes a vampire.”

“What does that mean?” Ryder asked. 

She couldn’t say it, the idea that this was real was so painful. Instead she unwrapped the bundle that had been hidden. Things left for her that she didn’t know about for centuries. It kept surprisingly well, the fabric of the gown her cousin had made her. She couldn’t believe it had been rolled so perfectly like this. She stood again, letting everything else fall away. They had finally cleaned it enough she could wear it again. The dress was enough distraction she missed the painting it protected falling to the bed. The painting of her with her family.

“Del…that looks like us,” Rhys breathed. She froze staring at the last portrait her mother had painted before that noble came. It’s funny even now she can’t think of his name. She started to reach for it, the world feeling too fast as the others joined in looking at the portrait.

“You said…” Felix started, he looked up at her then back to the mirror image of himself in paint.

“We’re not there,” Alessia whispered to Ash. She wouldn’t lie that the bit of joy that snuck into those words was a mixture of relief and pain. Alessia might be happy she doesn’t happen to be from that tragic and cursed family, or maybe relieved she’s not someone Delphia could view as family and not something more.

“Your father was a scholar, your mother painted,” Ryder started, he looked at Vitus and Dabria. She couldn’t find any words, she had to say something.

“You had two younger siblings,” Luna whispered. She couldn’t look at his face, she was locked on the painting she never knew existed. The memories that those monsters locked away.

“One was a sister, the other a brother, like me and Luna,” Sola added. She couldn’t convince herself to move. She never wanted to see them again, she wanted them happy without her. She’d brought them pain; it was her fault.

“Two cousins, a soldier and a tailor…” Dabria mused. She knew if her heart was still beating it would be too fast to count. She just wanted to run.

She missed when Vitus climbed off the bed. The world was spinning as memories they’d locked away came back. The truth of her ancestors. The reason they all had suspicions about the noble. The familiarity he had with her cousins. The fact that it happened too suddenly, everything ending. That the people he kept trying to make her bleed dry were the ones who had interacted with her family since he’d shown up. He did it, he took them from her. He didn’t lie entirely though, her family hunted monsters like him for generations. The book was given to her because it had a note for the child born with her features. 

“When souls are bound to a vampire, though they may have some differences, they’ll look nearly identical to their past incarnations,” Vitus read out. She winced, the truth slipping out as he read. “Similar family structures tend to follow as well, most often it goes unnoticed by everyone, even the one that they’re bound to…”

She started to shake. Of course the only reason she’d break the damned spell is telling them her past. Telling them their past. She couldn’t bring herself to look at any of them. She knew so much more now. Even who Ash and Alessia were to her, this wasn’t their first meeting either. They’d met just before the noble arrived, both losing their lives to an attack while traveling towns. The three had been so happy for the few days they met, and the lives the two had been leading without her was enough to help her family. They all thought that they died from an accident, that noble probably killed them too. He didn’t show up much later.

“Delphia,” Dabria started. 

The tone finally gave her back her strength. She was gone in an instant, the truth too much for her to face them with. She heard something clatter as she moved, but didn’t stop. It was probably just another painting, another reveal of her past that she’d thought gone. She moved faster than she realized she could, disappearing to the attic where they hopefully wouldn’t find her. She watched that center point of the city which replaced the town.

She was going to watch the sunrise, but realized she needed to know something. Before she’d come back to this place they’d moved his portraits up here. They claimed it was for her benefit. She knew she could see him again all this time, but that ache she always thought was for him kept her from searching. She dug through the things left behind until she found what had to be a portrait. She ripped the sheet from it and fell to her knees. Tears streamed down her face and a bitter laugh escaped her. She hadn’t even remembered his face, this whole time she’d made up some mixture of Ash and Alessia. She wanted someone she loved to be the one who made her into this. Skin as pale as her own, eyes a cruel gray, hair long and black, sharp intimidating features. This was the one who tricked her, the one who took everything from her.

She crawled back to the window and stared out at the city. Memories overlaying the modern setting. She let her tears continue to fall as she watched the world around her waking up. She could be like them if she went outside, she can do it now. She remembers how to be awake now. It would free them all and she’d no longer be stuck in this lonely cage. They were so sure reminders didn’t exist, her cousin was much smarter than they gave him credit for. Most humans were smarter than the elders thought. They never even figured out the day they found her sitting at the window staring at the spot he’d died that it was in satisfaction not pain.

As the sun rose her eyes grew heavy, but she wouldn’t let herself sleep today. Small pricks to tongue more than enough, she had been going overboard this whole time. She was special, she could stay up with less. It was part of being a defender. She tried to focus her senses, but each time a voice came through she lost herself. She didn’t want to hear what they thought, just when they left. She’d watch them, at least she could make use of this curse in some way. Eventually she stopped trying, just letting the memories of the day he died play over and over.

“You’re bad at hiding,” Alessia said. She jumped and saw her coming out of a crack in the wall followed closely by Ash. She wanted to hide the portrait, but that was too late. The person who did this was easy to see now. “Everyone is worried about where you went.”

“You brought up a window, I’d been up here before and noticed the sun didn’t come in here,” Ash said. They ignored everything coming straight towards her. She wanted to run, but right now there wasn’t anywhere to go to hide. They started climbing up her shirt and she froze, terror of hurting them overpowering everything. They settled against her neck, she always thought that was a bad idea. “Why did you run away?”

“I…” she started. She put a hand flat offering it to Alessia who climbed on quickly. She was so lucky to see them again, they should leave before they suffer because of her again. She put Alessia by Ash, the two together should stay warm enough. “I didn’t want to hear you all decide to leave. It’s the right decision, but remembering everything made it so much harder.”

“Who says we’re leaving?!” Alessia grabbed her hair and used it as leverage to lean out and look in her eyes.

“Please don’t pretend that you want to stay, I’m sure Vitus read more of that book to you all. I brought you all into this curse. It almost feels like…” She couldn’t say it, admitting that she wanted to give up after all this time was too painful. She felt Ash stiffen as they patted her cheek. She knew they wanted her to look at them, and she did. She turned her head slowly so Alessia could regain her balance.

“Don’t think that. We like you.” They stared at her for a bit before coming closer, they were so close she couldn’t see them clearly. “...I love you.”

They kissed her and it felt like time should stop then and there. Of course she loved them too, but that wasn’t something she expected. She couldn’t think and was thankful she didn’t need to breathe with someone like Ash doing this. They were always so quiet, she felt a tug that drew her attention from them to Alessia. She couldn’t read the emotion on her face, probably anger. She knew the two had more between each other than they’d let her see. She was tempted to stop this then, but Alessia used Delphia’s hair like a rope to swing closer. She was caught in a hand and held close to where Ash stood.

“That’s cheating we agreed we tell her at the same time,” Alessia whined. She curled her fingers in when she felt that light sensation of a kiss touch her again. It was followed by a laugh from Ash. “Well, I love you too. We both do…”

“You two don’t understand. There’s so much more that I didn’t know I knew. I-”

“You met us in that life too, right?” Ash cut her off and this time she pulled them off her shoulder to hold the two in front of her face. “When you left another painting fell out of the dress, it had you with us.”

“So you all learned that part too.” She sighed, starting to lower her hands. She knew which painting he’d have stored for her. The one with the promises written just before they left.

“Personally I like that we’ll always look the same, that way you can find us again. Maybe next time we’ll be bigger than you.” Alessia’s laugh was almost painful to hear.

“That’s if I remember this time. They don’t want me to remember, they want me to forget my family and the people I cared about.”

“Good thing we both seem to think like we did as your cousins,” Felix said. She turned with wide eyes as he and Ryder joined the three already in the attic. She didn’t hesitate before taking a new taste of her blood to keep awake. “There’s more to that dress that it seems, a lot of little things that probably exist to remind you of who you were. Vitus said there’s a lot of weird wording in that old book, but that there’s nothing bad besides our looks tending to be the same. There’s no guarantee we’d even be the same people each time.”

“I had an idea after seeing the dress. They won’t be able to search everywhere and you still remembered important things about your family even if their faces were missing. We can hide things that they’d never look for,” Ryder grinned. He wasn’t wrong, they can’t read her mind she can do enough to remember where they’d hide things.

“Why do you all even want to stay? For all you know I’m lying and this was just me planning some sick way of having my family back.” She couldn’t just believe that they wanted to stay here. She deserved this cursed solitude for what she did.

“Because we still care about you, it’s kind of funny to me honestly,” Vitus said as he dragged some small (to her) bag into the room. She didn’t think before moving closer to try and help, there was no reason to make him carry it over to her. She placed her hands flat for Ash and Alessia to climb off this time. “Eat this, it’s another way to stay up without using your own blood. You had the herbs in your garden.”

She didn’t want to argue, even if he was wrong she wouldn’t get sick. She picked up the small bag and opened it. The smell alone brought back memories, the strange smell he’d had on his breath all the time. Another lie then, he must have had her using her own blood so she would be more likely to go too far when feeding. Vitus stared up at her, something in his gaze relaxing her. She dumped the contents into her mouth then tried to eat it. She hadn’t eaten like a human in a long time, it felt odd. After she managed to swallow it was like that ache pulling her down never existed.

“That book has a lot of information on vampires. It seems almost like something that had been passed down in your family. There are handwritten notes all over it. It took us a while to make sense of it, but we managed to find this mixture,” Vitus smiled, there was a pride in his face that made her want to laugh. “Looks like it won’t be you hurting yourself if you want to stay awake anymore.”

“All of you are insane, why would you stay? Because of me you’re trapped in this cycle. It seems better to-” she tried.

“No, you’re very wrong about that,” Dabria showed up, with Sola and Luna running past her. They were already climbing up Delphia’s legs. “It seems more like because of you, there’s a good chance we get to be together most times we’re alive. Sounds like a good idea to me. Besides you didn’t seek us out, we found you by accident. Personally I like having a vampire as part of our family. It feels a lot safer than each time we've dealt with humans.”

“Do you not like us anymore?” Sola asked. Delphia felt her heart shatter, of course she still liked them.

“Is it cause we look like them, but we’re not them?” Luna asked. Delphia put her hands around the two and held them just over her legs.

“Of course I still like you, I didn’t even realize you looked like them until today. It’s just strange, I don’t want any of you forcing yourselves to stay around me. At any time I’d help you move or at least get what you need if you’d rather I don’t know where you go.”

“Then I guess you’re stuck with us for a while yet.” Vitus smirked up at her and she lost all her composure.

She didn’t think before laying her hands down as she started shaking. Sola and Luna didn’t climb off, in fact the others joined them near her hands. She didn’t ever think she’d cry this much since she’d given everything up. She watched as her tears fell just barely missing them, no one seemed to care. She was a monster, she locked their souls into a strange cycle, she caused so much grief in their past lives, but they all still wanted to be with her. Ash and Alessia loved her. She was overwhelmed.

“Thank you,” she choked out.