Chapter Text
“No, Mother, frankly I don’t actually see why I need some mope with a clipboard following me around all day.”
A loud voice carried across the space of the large office bullpen you had just stepped into. As you approached, glancing side to side for any sign of life in the place, the voice became more and more belligerent.
“You don’t think I’m capable of doing everything myself? I didn’t wake up and turn into a baby did I? Because if I did, I think I would have NOTICED!”
They were really going for it.
“If I wanted to be babysat, I would sign up for one of those weird sugar mommy websites.”
Now, that wasn’t something you heard everyday.
“Sterling, please. Show some decorum. You need someone like her. Be on your best behaviour, she’ll be arriving soon and, whether you like it or not, she’ll be with you for the whole day, and tomorrow, and the rest of the week … if you don’t scare her off.” A stern accent who you knew belonged to Malory Archer, the woman who had hired you, chastised them.
“Which I fully intend on doing!”
You lingered around one of the desks further away from the open office door and watched as a man in a dark grey suit walking with a cane stormed out, a furious expression etched onto his face. He barged past a brunette woman sitting at a desk outside the office, making a point of knocking over a vase that held, or used to, a bunch of dead flowers.
“HEY! Rude!” The woman at the desk called after the man who had already crossed the room and slammed the door to another room shut behind him.
Cautiously, you stepped closer to the woman, hoping she would be able to direct you. She didn’t even glance at you as she asked “Are you lost?”
You cleared your throat. “A bit, yes. I’m, um, here for the new assistant position. Ms. Archer told me to meet her in her office.”
"Ugnhhhhhh a new person.” She frantically typed something on her keyboard. You peered over the desk and saw the computer wasn’t even turned on. “In there.” She pointed to the office the dark-haired man had just walked out of. “She’s expecting you or something.”
You smiled at her, “Thanks.”
“Whatever.” You heard her mutter as you walked past and stepped inside.
“Ms. Archer? I’m Y/N L/N, we spoke on the phone.”
Sat at a large wooden desk was a grey haired woman with an elegant bob and piercingly sharp blue eyes. She looked at you after she had finished pouring a drink in a crystal tumbler. The smell of whiskey and cologne wafted around you. “Ah, Y/N. Right on time.” She took a sip of her drink. It wasn’t even 10AM and this woman was indulging in hard liquor. “Drink?” She offered, holding up an empty tumbler.
“No, thank you, I don’t usually drink so early.” You tried to decline politely but feared it might have come off as conceited. The woman clicked her tongue and looked you up and down, you shuffled on the spot awkwardly.
“Turn around.” She ordered.
You hesitated but slowly followed her instruction, turning to face the other side of the office. The carpet was a hideous colour. “Hmm,” The woman uttered. “And back around.” You obeyed. This felt oddly degrading. “Can you dress any more modestly?” What did that mean? Was it a genuine question or a sarcastic comment?
“Sorry, what do you mean by that ma’am?”
From outside, you heard the brunette woman cackle.
“Shut up!” Malory barked at her. She sighed before answering your question. “I mean, do you have any clothes that aren’t quite as form fitting as what you’re wearing now?”
You looked down at yourself; you were donning a simple blazer, a loose black button down tucked into a pencil skirt that stopped just above your knees, sheer black tights and some small platform heels. Ms. Archer had told you to dress professionally and demurely beforehand and, sure, you left a few of your blouse buttons undone, and the skirt hugged your ass pretty nicely, but you thought you had done a good job at fulfilling that. Judging from the way your new employer’s nose was slightly wrinkled and her beady squinted eyes, clearly not. “I’m sure I can get some.”
“Excellent.” She took another sip. “Have a seat, dear.”
You unbuttoned your blazer, placed your backpack on the floor next to a side cabinet and sat in one of the two available seats.
“So,” Malory started, “Allow me to officially welcome you to our agency. You’ll meet everyone else in due course, I’m sure, but for now we have the troublesome task of getting you acquainted with Sterling.”
That sounded really promising.
She leaned in, “You see, I posted the position of a new assistant on my son’s behalf without him knowing and just informed him that you would be joining our company a few moments ago and let’s say that he wasn’t best pleased.”
So that’s who that angry looking man was, her son. Your soon-to-be boss.
“Right.” You nodded along, trying to conceal your bewilderment at how someone wouldn’t inform her son/employee that she had hired a whole assistant for him sooner.
“He won’t admit it himself but since he got out of his coma, he’s had a bit of a hard time re-adjusting to his work life.”
Coma? You thought it best to leave that question for later.
“He might not act with the most … decency for a few days.”
“Or ever!” Chimed in the woman from outside.
“Carol!” Malory shouted. “Stop eavesdropping!” Her voice went straight through you.
“Stop talking so loud! I’m trying to meditate!”
You craned your neck around to Carol and saw she had thrown her shoes off and was sat on her chair with her legs crossed on her thighs.
“Anyway, what I’m saying is it might take him a while to warm up to you.” Malory finished off her drink. “So be prepared for some hostility.”
“Okay,” It didn’t seem like you had much choice. You needed this job, it paid excessively well. “I think I can handle that.”
“Thinking may not be enough, dear.”
“Malory, can you tell me exactly what you mean by– oh, hey, new person.”
You turned your head again and saw a tall, dark-eyed, insanely good looking woman leaning against the doorway. She smiled at you as she stepped inside, your throat went dry.
“Lana Kane,” She stretched an arm out. “How do you do?”
You shook her hand, noticing her baby pink nails that matched her lipstick, and returned her smile. She towered over you. “Y/N L/N. I’m good, thanks for asking.” You tried not to stumble over your words. “Nice to meet you Miss Kane.”
“Oh, Lana is fine.”
She sure is, you thought.
“Cute shoes. You’re Archer’s new assistant?”
Before you could compliment her thigh-high boots, Malory cleared her throat. “Lana, if you don’t mind, I was just in the middle of briefing Y/N.”
“By all means, go ahead.” She said to the older woman somewhat snarkily.
“Well. There’s actually not much left to say. Here’s some files on recent missions and upcoming jobs that you might want to read.” She handed you a thick binder that had papers and photos falling out of it. “Go find Sterling and introduce yourself. He’s probably sulking in the break room.”
You stood, folder in one arm and backpack hanging off the other and was about to leave when Lana placed a hand on your shoulder. “Don’t pay him any mind. He’s just a giant baby, you’ll get used to it.” She stepped past you and sat in the chair you had been occupying.
“Thanks for the advice.” You replied sweetly to her.
She smiled again. “Think of him as a wounded but feral animal.”
A flurry of nerves overcame you at the prospect of having to actually meet this person everyone seemed to be warning you about.
“What are you waiting for? Seize the day, little miss!” Malory snapped and you quickly left the room.
Phew. You puffed a little sigh, this place was going to take some getting used to, Miss Kane was right about that.
“So, are you, like, a masochist or something?” Carol was staring at you, feet still shoeless, legs still crossed.
You blinked at her. “Sorry?”
“A masochist!” She repeated, rather exasperated. “It’s someone who likes being–”
“No, I know what one is.”
“Well, are you one?”
You didn’t say anything. She was dead serious, this woman baffled you.
“Because you’d have to be to willingly be Mr. Archer’s assistant.”
“I don’t get what’s so bad about him.”
“Oh, you will.” She sounded as menacing as she looked.
“Thanks for the heads up… Carol, was it?”
“Yeahhhhhhhh,” She drew the word out as she pulled open a desk drawer and took out a pot of glue. “Or Cheryl. It doesn’t even matter anymore.”
Deciding to abandon this very weird conversation, you started walking aimlessly around the room, half-heartedly searching for the break room. There were so many doors that led to different parts of the office. Spotting an open one not too far away from Ms. Archer’s office, you lumbered over to it, lugging your folder and backpack, that were only getting heavier, with you.
You knocked on the door, tilting your head over the threshold, not wanting to disturb whoever was inside. “Hello?”
“Jusstasekund.” You saw a blonde haired woman holding up both her hands that had two doughnuts wedged onto her fingers. She was vehemently chewing on one of them, devouring it in seconds. “One minute,” She said with a full mouth. “Hold on.” She swallowed. “Sorry.” Burped and then looked at you. “Jeez. Caramel’s always so sticky.”
You gawked at her, entirely unsure of how to react.
“How can I help ya?” The woman beamed at you, doughnut powder smeared around her mouth.
“Uh…”
“Want a doughnut?” She wiggled her doughnut-clad fingers at you.
“I’m good, thanks, but could you tell me where the break room is? I’m new.”
“Oh shit!” She exclaimed, rising from her chair. “You’re the newbie? Archer’s assistant?!”
“Yeah...” You answered.
“Man. He is gonna chew you up and spit you right back out.” Your eyes widened slightly, the blonde just smiled at you wickedly. “I’m Pam. Break room’s through there.” She pointed to a door on the other side of the room, a doughnut fell off her finger and onto the carpet, another hideous colour that now was covered in crumbs and rainbow sprinkles. “Hope you have fun with him.” And with that, she scooped up her fallen dessert, sat back down and resumed eating.
You backed away slowly, feeling more on edge than you were before; you hadn’t even met this infamous Archer and already he was making you sweat.
Turning on your heel and hardening your resolve, you rolled your shoulders, ignoring the ache that was seeping into your muscles, and made your way to the break room. You had to push open the door with your elbow and almost fell straight through it but caught yourself right as you locked eyes with the room’s only occupant. He shared the same bite his mother had in his eyes but you saw that his were a slightly paler shade, softer.
“Who are you?” Archer asked.
You rightened yourself and set the folder down on the table, placing your backpack on a free chair. “I’m Y/N, your new assistant. It’s nice to meet you.” You stuck out your hand but the man just stared at you, his expression unwavering from a very severe frown, brooding without shame. You lowered your hand, slipping it into your pocket nonchalantly. “Listen, I know you don’t want me here but I intend to keep this job for at least a few months so I’d like to make this as easy as possible for both of us.”
He kept with his upset silence, squinting his eyes at you.
“What are you supposed to be doing today?” You asked with a cheery tone.
Nothing.
You sighed and took a seat in the chair next to him, this needed a different approach. “Can you at least show me that weird sugar mommy website you were talking about earlier? I haven’t got laid in ages.”
The corner of his mouth pulled into a small smile and he let out a tiny snort. Got him. Your knee grazed his leg but he didn’t flinch at the contact.
“I’m being serious.” You continued.
“Alright, weirdo.” He said, his voice sounding less gruff than before.
“I’m the weirdo? Really? When you’re the one sat alone in the break room like some pervert?” It felt strange to be talking to someone who was basically your boss in such a crude manner but something told you this is what you needed to make some headway in breaking the ice with him.
“I don’t have an office.” He mumbled, barely loud enough for you to hear.
“What?”
Suddenly, he jumped up and started marching towards the door. “I don’t have an office!” He shouted as he yanked it open and left.
You stayed frozen on the spot for a moment, trying to process the motives of this perplexing man, clearly you’d struck a nerve. Where was he going? And without you. “Oh, shit.” Quickly, you gathered your things and followed after him.
“Mr. Archer!” You called to him. “Wait up!” He was standing near the lift when he came into view. For a guy using a cane, he was pretty speedy. “Sir!”
“Don’t call me that.” He remarked back at you.
“Which one?”
“Both!”
You watched him step inside the lift and frantically press the buttons. Was he really acting this immature? You walked, or waddled since your belongings were weighing you down, as quickly as you could to join him. “Can you just wait?” It came out more fiery than you intended. You were trying not to lose your cool but he was frustrating you.
As the lift doors started to close, and you were less than a metre away from it, he looked at you and smiled for the first time he’d been in your company. “See ya.” The doors shut and, with a ping, the lift began its descent.
“Oh my GOD!” You let out a noise that was somewhere between a growl and a scream. “What is his problem?”
“Do you get it now?” Carol’s amused voice came from behind you.
When you had composed yourself a little, you turned around and saw the brunette smirking and Ms. Archer staring at you from the doorway of her office, another drink in her hand. She had watched the entire scene unfold, of course, what a way to make an impression on your new boss. “Well,” She said, lifting the glass to her mouth. “Aren’t you going to follow him?”