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I see you clearly now
I hold you dearly now
The sun is in my eyes
- Jacob Collier
The world had never felt colder. But looking into her eyes, Chat Noir felt warmed straight to the core.
I see you. And I love you, he said silently, willing her to understand.
He knew he couldn’t say it yet. How could he possibly, when so much was on the line? Was it even appropriate to feel so happy, knowing all that had happened? It almost didn’t feel right. Even so, Chat couldn’t help but feel hopeful.
Actually, it was more than that. For the first time in a while, he felt…light, like a weight had been lifted. He hadn’t realized how much of a burden it had been to carry the secret of his identity alone. But now, things were different. The wall Ladybug had always insisted they put up between each other was finally coming down. And now that he knew that she’d been right in front of him all along…
Chat paused, resisting the urge to follow his fantasies down the rabbit hole. After everything they’d been through…after how she’d reacted last night…he knew he’d have to be careful. No matter how he felt, too much had happened over the past few hours for him to want to upend the dynamic between them any further.
Still, as they wrapped up their late-night-turned-early-morning patrol, he couldn’t help but marvel at the way the rising sun glinted in his lady’s bluebell irises.
“You okay, chaton? You’re staring.”
The warmth blooming in Chat Noir’s chest swiftly spread upward, coloring his cheeks. “It’s nothing,” he assured her. He shot her his usual cheeky grin. “It’s just - the sun is in your eyes. Wanted to make sure you weren’t accidentally blinded. It’s been a long night, you know. We’re both, uh. We’re both pretty tired. Not to mention it’s freezing out.”
“I thought you were used to these early mornings. Life as a model and all,” she quipped. The tiniest hint of a smile played on her lips, and he drank it in like a man dying of thirst. He’d seen that same smile so many times before. How had he not noticed?
And what was going to happen, now that he had?
The question came out before he could stop himself. “Hey, Ma- Ladybug?”
“Yeah?”
Chat Noir gulped. “Now that we know…do you think things are going to change between us?”
Ladybug looked away, absently rubbing her arms for warmth. “Well…I mean, obviously we’re going to have to be a lot more careful to make sure that neither of us gets akumatized. But in terms of our…our friendship…I suppose it doesn’t have to change if we don’t want it to.”
I do want it to change, he wanted to say. I want to be able to kiss you whenever you’ll let me. I want to protect you, to fight for you, to help shoulder the burden you carry as Guardian. I want to write you poetry and play you songs. I want to be the person you fall asleep on in class after staying out all night fighting an akuma. I want you to see yourself reflected in my eyes and know how much I treasure you. Every side of you.
But he didn’t say any of those things. “It’s just…not that I expected you to be totally fine with it or anything, but you seemed pretty shocked to find out it was me.”
“I was. You’re- you’re Adrien Agreste,” she whispered. “You and Chat Noir…I thought I knew you. And I guess I did. I do. I just didn’t realize how much of yourself you’ve had to hold back from everyone around you.” She chuckled quietly. “Now, if you had been Catwalker? The guy Plagg temporarily replaced you with? If that were you, I might have believed it more easily…”
“Ah well,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Funny story about that…”
Ladybug’s gaze snapped back up at him. “Wait, are you saying that Plagg…?”
Chat Noir blushed. “Uh, yeah. We thought you needed someone different. Someone a bit more put together, more careful, who wasn’t constantly cracking jokes or offering you roses or–”
“–You were perfect,” Ladybug said. “About as close to Adrien as I could ever imagine, now that I think about it. But that…that wasn’t the real you, was it?”
“It was and it wasn’t,” he admitted with a shrug. “Being Catwalker brought out a side of me you usually see as Adrien, that’s true. But when I’m Chat Noir, I’m still me, too. I’m just letting out a side of me people don’t get to see. But they’re both part of who I am, you know?” The corners of his mouth lifted into a slight smile. “A wise kwami told me, ‘one can’t exist without the other.’ And I believe that. I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s nice to have someone who knows. Because I finally have someone who sees me for me. The whole me.”
Rather than soothe, however, it appeared that his words only increased Ladybug’s discomfort. “But you shouldn’t have had to hide like that,” she argued. “If I’d been a better Guardian, if I had talked to you…if I’d listened to you, I would have understood better. You should have had someone you could be yourself with all the time.”
“But I did,” he pointed out. “Granted, I didn’t know it until now, but I’ve always had one person who I could be myself around.”
Ladybug’s gaze flitted away, and Chat wondered if she realized he wasn’t just making a silly joke to make her feel better. “It’s not the same, and you know it,” she said, her voice small. “It’s bad enough that I single-handedly screwed up our partnership—”
“No way,” he cut in. “We’ve talked about this. That’s on both of us, not just you. I’m not gonna let you take the blame for that.”
She huffed quietly at his response. “Yeah, but then for you to find out that the person who has rejected you time and time again is actually your dorky friend from school, who can’t even talk properly when you’re near? How are you not…disappointed? You deserve more—”
“Ladybug,” he interrupted. “ Marinette. Stop. Don’t you see? I’m grateful that it’s you.”
Ladybug stopped short. “Really?” she squeaked, a little hint of the Marinette he knew peeking out from beneath her strong superhero exterior.
Tentatively, he grasped her hands, warming them with his own. “I know I’ve said it before, but you’re the only one who understands me.”
“Oh.”
“And I don’t mean that to say that I expect anything from you,” he added, seeing the stricken look on her face. “You’ve told me you’re in love with someone else. And yes, I realize you knowing that I, your friend Adrien, am also the person who’s declared his love for Ladybug on so many occasions probably makes things, you know…awkward. I just hope that doesn’t mess things up.” He closed his eyes, blowing out a breath before saying what he realized needed to be said. “And I want you to know that my knowing who you are doesn’t- it doesn’t change how I feel about Ladybug. About you. But…I’ll understand if it doesn’t change how you feel, either. I’ll do better, because your friendship means the world to me. And if friendship is all you want from me, then you have it. Always.”
The sun had nearly risen by now. Soon the rest of the city would be waking up. But Ladybug remained frozen on the rooftop with her hands clasped between his, the wind whipping around them as Chat Noir’s admission hung in the air.
Had it been any other day - had this happened before her world had fallen apart, before Hawkmoth had taken the miraculous, before they’d found themselves agreeing that this was the best way to shore up their defenses - there’s no doubt she would have been the usual flustered mess she’d always been in front of Adrien. She’d be positively swooning.
But instead, all she could do was worry.
The bell at Chat’s neck gleamed in the dawn, and for a split second she wished she could take it all back. There were so many risks to what they’d decided to do. How could she possibly be so foolish, thinking of her feelings for Adrien - for Chat Noir - at a time like this?
And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to put that wall back up, even if to protect them both.
“My um, my feelings haven’t really changed, minou,” she said at length.
“Oh. I understand.”
Ladybug shook her head. “Actually, I don’t think you do. I’m only really starting to understand it myself, I think.” She looked down at their joined hands. “You know, I meant it when I said you’re irreplaceable. And that you’ll always be my favorite. Knowing who you are hasn’t changed that. And it…it hasn’t changed how I feel about the boy I love, either.” She sighed, forcing the truth out in wispy swirls of air. “I just might need a little more time to come to grips with the fact the two of you are one and the same. More than one night patrolling in the cold, you know?”
She heard Chat’s breath hitch, as if in disbelief. “But you…you never…”
“Never told you how I felt as Marinette? Yeah, well, you weren’t the only one holding back,” she confessed. “I mean, I did try, so many times. I just didn’t have the courage to go through with it, I guess. Not that it would have mattered, since you were in love with Ladybug.”
He hummed thoughtfully, his thumb drawing little circles on her hand as he listened. “But now…”
Ladybug struggled to maintain her composure, focusing on her words and not the gentle movement of his thumb across her knuckles. “But now…now I don’t know whether to be happy, or terrified, or excited. I don’t know whether to try and turn back time and pretend we didn’t have this conversation, or beg your forgiveness for hurting you as Chat Noir, or kiss you senseless and never let you go.”
Chat couldn’t help but smile. “Definitely the last one,” he said, raising her hands to warm them with his breath.
Ladybug suppressed a shiver, forcing herself to pull her hands away. She needed to get this out, and there was no way she trusted herself to continue while his lips were so close to her skin. “I’m serious,” she insisted. “I knew that revealing our identities would be dangerous, but I was willing to try because I thought it would make us stronger as a team. Except now…I’m scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“So many things,” she replied, her anxiety rising with every question that popped into her head. “I mean, what if my feelings get us into trouble? What if I make another mistake? What if I’ve done this all wrong, and I’m supposed to be alone as Guardian? Look at Master Fu - he and Marianne were separated for literal decades because he needed to protect the Miracle Box. I’ve already messed that up…what if I can’t protect you, too? What if I lose you again? What if–”
“Wait,” Chat cut in. “Lose me…again?”
In an instant, months of repressed agony came rushing to the surface. Tears pricked at Ladybug’s eyes as an onslaught of memories flooded her mind, and she gasped for breath. Of course Chat didn’t know what she was talking about, because she’d never told him. And even as he stood there offering her an opportunity to explain, she found that she still couldn’t. “It was—” she stammered, “you were– I couldn’t live with myself if you– if we– ”
“Whoa, hey, hey….” he said, stepping forward to envelop her in his arms. “You’re not going to lose me. Ever. Whatever you’re afraid of, whatever happened…when you’re ready, you tell me, and we’ll figure out what went wrong and we’ll fix it. Together. It’s you and me against the world, remember? We’ll protect each other.”
The resolve in Chat’s voice grounded Ladybug, pulling her out of the spiral. Still, disbelief danced in her consciousness. How could he be so calm, so sure that everything would be okay?
As if in response, he clutched her tighter. “Mistakes or not, you will always be the most amazing person I know, both in and out of the mask,” he continued. “You’re strong. You’re smart. You’re caring. You’re creative - you always find a solution, no matter how crazy or complicated your plans may seem to anyone else. You can do anything. But…you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to carry the whole world on your shoulders. I can help - the same way you’ve always helped me. I’m not perfect, but I’m here for you.”
“Liar,” she sniffed, pulling away to wipe the tears from her face. “You are perfect. You’re the nicest, sweetest boy I’ve ever met. You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better, even if it means making those ridiculous cat puns. You’re charming and confident, but you’re always willing to see the good in people. You never give up on anyone, ever. You’re kind, and you’re strong, and selfless, and loyal, and so, so good- and I don’t deserve you.”
He quirked a brow at her, his smile quizzical. “Are you talking about Chat Noir right now, or Adrien?”
Ladybug felt her cheeks heat up, even as another gust of wind shot past them. Perhaps, she realized, she hadn’t been quite as indifferent to Chat Noir as she had convinced herself to be. “Just…you,” she said quietly. “All of you. I see that now. I see you.”
Chat Noir’s expression seemed to shift from bemused to something altogether different. But before she could ask if he was all right, he pulled her back into another embrace.
“You’re wrong, you know. You do deserve it. You deserve the whole world,” he murmured, his breath warming the shell of her ear. “And I’d gladly give it to you, if you’d allow it.”
Fresh tears began to fall, relief and disbelief coursing through Ladybug as she sank deeper into his arms, allowing herself to be held. Comforted. Loved.
Ladybug buried her face against Chat’s shoulder, thinking of what he had put on the line for her. What he’d kept a secret, even at the expense of his own sense of self. How the one thing he wanted was what he was willing to put aside, all because she’d held back her own feelings for so long. And to what end? Fear or no fear, she realized, there was no use fighting how she felt for him - how they felt for each other. It would be like asking the sun not to rise.
The fabric of Chat Noir’s suit muffled her voice when at last she broke the silence. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
She smiled to herself, encouraged by the endearing combination of concern and amusement in his tone. “Okay, I’ll allow it. But if we do this… do you think we could, you know, take things slow?”
Chat froze. “Are- are you sure? You really want to try?”
“We’re going to have to be careful. And I can’t promise I won’t freak out, like, a million more times,” she admitted. “ I’ll need you to be patient with me.”
“Wow,” Chat breathed. “Okay, yeah. Okay. We can do that. I can do that.”
“And there are things we’ll need to practice more...”
“Like kissing?” he supplied hopefully.
Blushing, Ladybug swatted at his chest. “Like talking. Communicating.”
“Oh yes, of course.”
“I’m serious, chaton.”
Chat gently tilted her chin upwards, coaxing her to look at him. “I’m serious too, Princess. Serious about this. About us.”
Ladybug’s stomach swooped as their eyes met. Despite his mask, the veneer had been stripped away…and for the first time in the daylight, she could clearly see the face of the boy she loved.
Chat Noir. Adrien. Two sides of the same coin, shining in the sunlight, just for her.
She didn’t say it - not out loud. But she held her gaze steady, hoping he’d understand.
I see you. And I love you.
He smiled. He knew. And for now, that was enough.
The world had never felt colder. But looking into his eyes, Ladybug felt warmed straight to the core.