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Jisung shits his brains out every Tuesday to make room for more thoughts about Felix Lee.
“Dude, you need to work on your metaphors or whatever. Listening to you speak is actually upsetting,” Seungmin says as they pull into the driveway of the ice cream shop that Jisung has been frequenting as of late for no other reason than he’s in love with a certain blonde and freckled employee. Being that he is lactose intolerant, Jisung wouldn’t have otherwise stepped foot inside of the establishment, only he was all but lured there like a sailor into a watery diarrhea grave upon catching sight of Felix’s side profile on the subway ride into Avondale and subsequently following the stranger all the way into the store.
“So you stalked him?” Hyunjin raises one perfectly sculpted eyebrow from the backseat of the car.
“Don’t make it weird. I was simply exploring a line of creative inspiration since the guy looks like poetry personified! He could very well turn out to be my muse!”
“So you stalked him,” Seungmin confirms.
“Fuck you two,” Jisung growls. He hates it when his so-called ‘best friends’ team up against him, as if the fact that they’ve recently started dating each other wasn’t already betrayal enough. Now Jisung’s got to live the rest of his life getting dunked on (=) and consistently outvoted when they’re picking a movie to watch for Movie Night (NEW). He’s happy for the two of them, of course, but also what the hell?!?
“How long has this little song and potty dance been going on anyways?” Hyunjin asks while unbuckling his seatbelt. He’s the one who insisted on tagging along on Jisung’s weekly excursion, or as Seungmin likes to call it, paying pilgrimage.
“A little over a month.”
“And you haven’t made a move yet?”
“I’m working on it!”
To be fair, Jisung is operating on a very delicate time table between that first bite of ice cream and when the lactose starts to wreak havoc on his system, forcing Jisung to immediately high-tail it into the nearest public bathroom and drop the third atomic bomb. Given this, there is very little room for schmoozing and plying Felix with terrible pick-up lines but Jisung does what he can, which is mostly just moon over Felix because he’s too chicken to actually ask him out. Coupled with Jisung’s social awkwardness around new people and pretty people, of which Felix is both, progress is being made at a snail’s pace.
He’s trying through. Jisung patrons the ice cream shop every week at the same time, having shifted his schedule around to give him the excuse of ‘swinging by’ on his way to the studio he shares with Changbin and Chan. Being that it’s autumn and getting cooler, people walking the streets transforming into dragons breathing out billowing, white smoke, Jisung is usually the only one Felix sees during the 20 minutes it takes for Jisung to polish off his ice cream and sometimes for the entirety of his shift. Thus, starved for human interaction, Felix has no qualms about initiating conversation, expertly disarming Jisung that first time he came in and bought a scoop by complimenting Jisung on his phone case. “Howl's Moving Castle, right? I love Studio Ghibli!”
Needless to say, Jisung is hopelessly smitten and on the days of the week he’s not visiting Felix, he wishes he were visiting Felix.
He instructs his two best friends with a finger pointing sternly between the two of them, “When we get in there, act normal okay?” This is directed more towards Hyunjin than Seungmin, the former being the one most predisposed to being dramatic. Seungmin’s a fucking normie through and through, although he definitely has his moments.
“What if we acted batshit insane to make you look better by comparison?” Seungmin offers.
“Absolutely not. I can’t be batshit insane-adjacent,” Jisung huffs. “Just be cool and laugh at all of my jokes.”
“Easy enough. Your entire existence is a joke.”
“Hyunjin Hwang.” The name is uttered in the same tone and cadence as a threat.
Hyunjin smirks and promptly makes his way inside. Jisung follows after while Seungmin takes up the rear. In retrospect, this is poor ordering since Jisung is now the short stack in the middle of a tall boy sandwich. Thankfully, Felix isn’t vertically gifted either (although on him, his smaller stature only adds to Felix’s fairy-like countenance. On Jisung, it's giving rodent. Ratatouille, if you will. On his better days, perhaps the hot rat from Flushed Away.)
“Well if it isn’t my favorite customer,” Felix welcomes him from behind the dipping cabinet, a floating head and just the tops of his shoulders visible from above the plexiglass display.
“I bet you say that to all of your customers.” Jisung returns.
“Nope, just you.” From his periphery, Jisung sees Hyunjin cringe and pull a face, followed by Seungmin elbowing his boyfriend in the ribs in place of telling him to knock it off and behave.
“Who are your friends?” Felix asks when it becomes apparent that Jisung is not going to introduce them willingly.
“I don’t know them actually.”
“I’m Hyunjin!”
“Seungmin.”
“They’re total strangers to me.”
Felix smiles in greeting, the corners of his eyes crumpling cutely. “Nice to meet you Hyunjin and Seungmin. I’m Felix.”
Hyunjin mutters loud enough for only Jisung and Seungmin to hear, “Trust me, we know.” Seungmin’s forced to elbow his boyfriend once again, partially out of admonishment but also to nudge him further away from Jisung’s grasp. As a wingman who takes his job very seriously, it is very bad practice to allow Jisung to commit first degree murder in front of his crush. Seungmin also, unfortunately, likes his boyfriend too much to let him die.
“Any new flavors today?” Jisung asks in an attempt to shift Felix’s attention back onto himself. He approaches the dipping cabinet and peers down at the different cartons of dairy-based confections that spell imminent death for him and his poor intestines. The things you do for love, he mentally sighs.
“Not today, but with holidays coming up, we’re in the process of coming up with a new winter menu.”
Jisung proclaims, “Well you can definitely count on my business.”
Felix beams, absolutely beatific. The sight of it triggers a swooping sensation inside of Jisung’s stomach, like ground giving way beneath his feet. How can someone be so pretty? How is Jisung supposed to just move on with his life knowing the sun rises in the morning and comes to work at this ice cream store on Tuesday afternoons?
“You must really like ice cream, huh?”
“Yeah,” Hyunjin snorts. “It’s definitely the ice cre–OW!”
Seungmin’s elbow, again.
♡
After placing their orders, the three of them stick around to eat and chat for another few minutes. They probably would have stuck around for longer except they’ve made dinner plans with Jeongin on the other side of town and rush hour is about to hit.
Jisung polishes off two scoops of Cranberry Bliss Bar before Seungmin notices and can stop him. Hyunjin stares back and forth between Jisung and the empty cup in Jisung’s hands in horror knowing that they have to sit through traffic for at least another half hour together.
The three of them shuffle into Seungmin’s car after saying their goodbyes. It’s probably less than forty degrees outside but Seungmin still cracks open the windows after sliding into the driver’s seat – a precautionary measure taken while Jisung’s too lovestruck and distracted to be affronted by the slight.
“Isn’t he gorgeous? He gives me butterflies!” Jisung sighs.
“Are you sure that’s not a bowel movement?” Seungmin asks.
Hyunjin crosses himself. “Babe, I can literally hear his stomach rumbling from back here. I swear to God it’s speaking Korean!”
♡
The idea only occurs to him over coffee with Minho when Jisung catches him up vis-a-vis the Felix situation and Minho tells him under no uncertain terms that Jisung is “the biggest fucking idiot in the world, please stop raw dog eating ice cream every week just because you think the cashier is cute and buy some goddamn lactaid pills I’m begging you Jisung Han.”
Jisung, slightly offended, blinks back at Minho and says “There was no need to use my full government name or whatever but your point still stands, I suppose.”
This is how Jisung ends up in the pharmacy section of his neighborhood grocery store wondering if there’s a difference between name brand and off-brand lactose pills and if he can risk his gut health for the cheaper option because there’s a 2 for 1 special on cases of Monster Energy Drinks he might have enough leftover money to afford.
“Decisions decisions,” Jisung hums, squinting to peer at the ingredients on the back of the box, which is the exact moment that Felix stumbles upon him.
“Jisung? I thought I recognized you from the back!”
Jisung could not have straightened up faster even if lightning struck him where he stands. Jisung only wishes he could be struck by lightning where he stands. “Because of my fat juicy ass?” he offers weakly.
Felix raises an eyebrow. “Something like that.”
“Hi Felix.” The words sound more like a death sentence than a proper greeting. Jisung does a whole song and dance to try and distance himself from the lactaid: arms waving, feet shuffling. “What are you doing here?” This is a dumb question. They’re at a grocery store. Obviously, Felix is grocery shopping. His basket full of grocery items is indicative of that.
Jisung is scrambling to distract from the fact that he’s been spotted in the digestive aid section. It would be far less embarrassing getting caught watching porn. Hentai, even.
Felix indulges him with a more in-depth answer than the question really warrants. “Stocking up on some things. I’m experimenting with a few new recipes and if they turn out okay, I’m gonna submit them to my boss for our winter menu.”
“I’m sure they’ll be more than okay.”
“You flatter me too much.” Felix beams at him. “Also, it’s weird seeing you here, out and about, and not back at the store. It’s almost as if you’re a real person.”
“What was I before, if not a person?”
Felix considers the question briefly before replying, “A daydream.”
What the hell. Jisung flushes a very violent shade of red. His hand spasms in an aborted attempt at pinching himself to confirm that he is indeed a real person and not actually asleep, before playing it off like he meant to run his fingers through his hair except that it gets caught in a knot at the back of Jisung’s head because he hasn’t showered or brushed it out in a few days.
Felix smiles wider. “How are you?” he asks.
His eyes briefly flicker over to where Jisung was hunched over earlier, hands on his knees inspecting the lactose pill packaging up-close. Jisung panics and lies, “I’m looking to buy some hemorrhoid cream.”
“Oh?” Felix raises an eyebrow, face constrained in a way that shows he’s clearly trying to reign in his laughter for the sake of sparing Jisung’s feelings.
“For a friend!” He rushes to clarify.
“Your poor friend.”
Fuck, Felix clearly doesn’t believe him – about the hemorrhoid cream or the fact that it’s for a friend, Jisung’s unsure. Either way there is no coming back from this. Felix is never gonna let Jisung kiss him on the mouth or tenderly hold his cheeks between his hands or be the hot trophy husband on Jisung’s arm when 3RACHA get invited to red carpet events and be the first person Jisung thanks in his acceptance speeches when he goes on to win a million awards.
“Lucky that I ran into you today,” Felix says, mercifully changing the subject in an attempt to prolong Jisung’s life. “Are you free later tonight?”
Actually, scratch that. Why would Felix ask him something like that – in that deep rumbly voice of his that drives Jisung insane, painstakingly aware of Jisung’s huge humongous crush on him, and with amusement softening the shapes of his eyes – if not for the purposes of prematurely ending Jisung’s life?
Jisung actually has plans with Jeongin later tonight but, “I can be. Yes. Definitely. Why?” Six separate words that leave his lips as one. Felix thankfully gets the gist.
“Good. I think I need a second opinion once I finish up my sample batches and since you’re such an ice cream enthusiast . . . I’ll even cook you dinner beforehand so you don’t spoil your appetite.”
FUUUUUUUUCK.
This is clearly Jisung’s punishment for lying to a boy who has the face and personality of an angel. Heaven is smiting him. This is so insanely foul.
“Um.” Jisung hesitates to answer the red button question: you’re asked on what is ostensibly a date by the guy you’ve been pining after for a while BUT you will single-handedly be responsible for blowing up his toilet and causing him to believe that he accidentally gave you food poisoning and not because you are secretly lactose intolerant and have been the entire time you’ve known him.
“Pretty please?” Felix asks, intentionally batting his eyelids at Jisung knowing that he is a weak, weak man.
Jisung folds immediately, consequences and gastrointestinal problems be damned because this is Felix. “Of course. Although be warned: I’m fairly biased when it comes to you. I’m gonna act like you’re feeding me dairy-based ambrosia no matter what.”
“Looking forward to it then.”
♡
Jisung leaves the grocery store with a case of Monster Energy drinks, a tube of expensive hemorrhoid cream he doesn’t need, Felix Lee’s phone number, and a date.
♡
“Okay,” Jisung breathes into his cellphone, glancing up at the street sign to make sure it matches the one on the address that Felix had texted him earlier. “Repeat the plan to me again.”
“Again?” Hyunjin whines from the other end of the line. “Weren’t the first 45 times enough? It’s not rocket science, Jisung. I call you and fake an emergency when you send me three poop emojis, something that necessitates you bailing on the date immediately without hurting Felix’s feelings or revealing that you have willingly ingested poison for the past few weeks just to see his eyes crinkle when he laughs.”
“His left eye crinkles more than his right. It’s adorable!”
Despite their differences, Jisung knows he can be as sappy as wants with Hyunjin, who once went on a 25 minute tangent about the way Seungmin will purse his lips in concentration. Hyunjin’s also a fan of grand gestures and so appreciates the inherent romanticism of committing gastrointestinal war crimes more than most people in Jisung’s life.
“I think I see his house up ahead.” Felix said to look for the door painted sunflower yellow at the end of the block. “I’m hanging up now. Remember to call!”
“Good luck.”
Jisung climbs the short set of stairs leading up to Felix’s front porch and rings the doorbell. He wipes the gathering sweat off his palms against the side of his pants, stomach doing somersaults but out of nervousness this time.
Felix answers shortly with a smile already in place. Jisung likes the way the skin there stretches tighter across Felix’s cheeks, emphasizing his freckles. Jisung would like to kiss every individual one. “You’re here!”
He confirms with his heart in his throat, “I am.”
Felix steps aside to let Jisung in.
“This is a shoes-off-when-you-step-through-the-door kind of household.”
“So an Asian one?”
Felix laughs. Jisung toes off his sneakers and follows along as Felix walks them back into the kitchen. It looks like a miniature tornado has blown through, every inch of counter space occupied by cutting boards and spices and a rainbow cacophony of ingredients, diced and chopped and shredded and prepared. The stovetop is overcrowded as Felix is attempting to prepare a jam and seafood bisque all at once. Jisung sees chicken thighs and what looks to be a cake baking in the oven at the same time. They’re in separate containers, at least.
“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I’m also finishing up some of the mix-ins for the ice cream so it’ll have time to set while we eat.”
“Can I help you with anything?” Jisung offers.
“Do you wanna DJ while I start clearing away some stuff?”
“It would be my honor.”
Jisung knows, off the bat, the first song he’s going to play. It’s not a test, per se. There is no passing or failing and the results will not affect the way Jisung feels about Felix except for how it’s going to be really hard to marry someone who comes from different roots, who doesn't appreciate Jisung’s upbringing and the core of who Jisung is.
The beginning note of the song plays: G.
Felix perks up immediately.
Jisung’s heart is fit to burst as the rest of the melody plays out and he can see the growing excitement in Felix’s face. In unison when the lyrics kick in, Jisung into a closed fist and Felix into a used spatula as microphones, they sing aloud, “WHEN I WAS, A YOUNG BOY, MY FATHER, TOOK ME INTO THE CITY, TO SEE A MARCHING BAND.”
If Jisung wasn’t already convinced that Felix was perfect, the moment when they lock eyes from across the kitchen and start headbanging to the chorus would do it. Felix is perfect and he likes pop punk. Jisung can’t tell if he’s swooning or simply light-headed from all of the excessive jumping around. Probably both.
Jisung sets up a queue on his phone and starts setting the table for dinner. He and Felix yell lyrics back and forth and Felix is cute enough that Jisung forgives him for requesting a Coldplay song. Begrudgingly, he picks Yellow and pretends it isn’t sacrilege nestled amongst his curated playlist of early 2000s bangers.
“The Golden Years,” Jisung sighs wistfully. “Some of the best years of my life.”
“You were only a baby back then?”
“And the world was still my oyster.” Jisung sheds a fake tear that he jokingly wipes away. “Gaining consciousness was a mistake.”
Felix lays out the dinner spread between them: rosemary chicken and soup. There’s also a salad with some sort of mystery vinaigrette on the side. Jisung hasn’t eaten a vegetable since 2009 but politely piles some on his plate to mask the fact that he has the palette of someone half his age.
“I dunno. It’s nice being able to appreciate the human condition or whatever. People’s attempts at characterizing it, all of the art and music and movies that have come out of trying to capture it. I firmly believe that the High School Musical trilogy made me into the person I am today.”
“A cornerstone of American filmmaking and culture, of course.”
Underneath the table, Felix kicks at his ankle in mock reproach. Jisung kicks him back. They’re basically playing footsie.
Any worries Jisung has about running out of things to talk about are null and void. Surprisingly, the weeks of mooning over Felix at the ice cream store has built up a decent rapport between them, to the point where they have yet to fall into an awkward silence and Jisung isn’t mentally scrambling for something to say every couple of minutes. Jisung is a nervous talker but Felix has such a calming presence (despite the occasional smile and flirty remark that drives Jisung’s pulse into dangerous new heights) he feels mostly in control of his faculties. Jisung likes being able to relax enough to showcase the more charming sides of himself. At least, he hopes they’re charming. He hopes Felix is charmed.
Time doesn’t feel like it’s passing but Jisung does run out of things to eat, including the side salad, which can only mean one thing: dessert.
Imminent death.
He starts feeling preemptively queasy as Felix gathers their plates and Jisung takes wherever Felix can’t back into the kitchen, clearing scraps and bones into the trash can and piling everything into the sink.
“I can help you do the dishes,” Jisung offers, trying to put off the taste-testing for as long as possible.
“It’s okay, I’m gonna throw everything into the washer later after I wrap up with my samples. I don’t wanna run too many loads.”
“Ah.” He fights to keep the disappointment out of his voice, the unsubtle edge of fear.
“I’m so excited for you to try these new flavors.”
“Me, too,” Jisung lies.
Felix does a little happy dance as he flits over towards the fridge and starts pulling cartons out of the freezer. There are four of them in total. “The ratios might be a little wonky since these are only single serves and not whole batches, but I think they should taste okay!”
“I’m sure they’ll taste more than okay.” Explosive on the tongue and in his digestive tract. Jisung swallows nervously.
Felix corrals him back to the table with both hands on Jisung’s back, pushing him from behind while giggling along the way. Jisung gives in completely, matching pace so that he doesn’t stumble forward, savoring the sounds of Felix’s joy like it can be distilled into its own flavor and consumed: sweet and bubbly and powerful and refreshing, a complex mix of things that all come together in harmony.
Jisung takes a seat. Felix scoops out each flavor into a different bowl and sets it in front of him with a different spoon in each to avoid cross-contamination. He even cracks open a LaCroix with a mild lemon taste to serve as a palette cleanser between each. Apparently, the carbonation and bubbles are supposed to make the tongue more receptive to new tastes.
“Which one looks the most enticing?”
Jisung points at the bowl with what looks to be everything but the kitchen sink: pretzel pieces and a Reece’s crumble with a fudge and caramel ripple swirl.
“Good choice.” Felix nods approvingly. “That one’s my favorite.”
Jisung takes a huge bite out of each because he doesn’t want Felix to think he’s not enthusiastic about this. Texture-wise, everything feels smoother, a little less creamy but no less delicious. He chalks it up to Felix using a home-use appliance and not an industrial-grade ice cream machine. He gives Felix his notes. “The only thing missing is the name!”
“That’s the worst part. I’m not creative enough for that.” Felix puts.
“It’s not that you’re not creative, you’re just lacking inspiration.”
“What do you get inspired by?”
Jisung has to bite his tongue from answering, You. He wasn’t talking out of his ass about Felix being a potential muse for him. Jisung’s written a lot of killer lines about Yearning recently in his lyrics. He particularly likes this one line about cheeks lifting into a smile like a sunrise – Felix’s, of course. “Everything really, but mostly movies and TV shows.”
“What’s your favorite?”
“A movie called Your Name,” he gushes. “I’ve watched it at least a thousand times.”
Felix appears thoughtful for a moment before propositioning him, “Do you wanna make it a thousand and one? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it, but I know it's been sitting in my Netflix list for a while now.”
“Oh my god, yes!” Jisung can’t believe his luck. Or rather, great misfortune. He really needs to text Hyunjin now, to give Jisung enough time to evacuate and find shelter (read: a private bathroom). Just because his tummy isn’t rumbling right now doesn’t mean Jisung can let his guard down and relax. He’s got a very tight window of opportunity to act.
Except the thing is . . . Felix’s couch is pretty small. It can’t even be called a couch, it’s a loveseat with some extra leg room at best. Felix sits down first and pats the couch cushion beside him. What an enticing offer . . .
Jisung settles at first like a bird perched on the edge about to take flight before slowly scooting inwards and getting comfortable. The couch evidently has no structural integrity and so Jisung sinks into his seat, the space between him and Felix becoming negligible as they both slide towards the middle, a victim of gravity and older furniture purchased from Facebook Marketplace. They’re plastered together as Felix fires up the TV and navigates towards Netflix from the menu options.
Jisung discreetly texts Hyunjin the poop signal. Having to rain check on Felix to watch his favorite movie is pretty disappointing when everything has been going perfectly thus far, better than Jisung could have ever expected, but at least it’ll give him an excuse to ask Felix out this time.
He’s as stiff as board when Felix hits play and the movie starts and Hyunjin still hasn’t called him . . . stiffer when they’re five minutes in and his phone is still disturbingly quiet. His stomach is as well which only worries Jisung more. What kind of a storm is brewing in there?
Felix shifts and then melts further into Jisung’s side, one arm wrapping around Jisung’s. He rests his head against Jisung’s shoulder and tilts his face upwards to lock eyes. “Do you mind? I’m kind of a cuddler.”
“Not at all,” Jisung squeaks. He heard once while watching a documentary that humans release everything in their bowels shortly after they die . . . well at least this way he’ll be going out blissfully happy. Jisung can deal with the mortification of shitting his pants as he lays dying in Felix’s arms in the afterlife. He thinks his heart may physically beat out of his chest.
Jisung slowly relaxes as the movie plays on although his mind continues whirring at fifty million miles per hour, so attuned to every minute shift in his body condition, and wondering what the hell is holding Hyunjin up. This is the longest he’s gone post-dairy consumption without the onset symptoms of his lactose intolerance kicking in. If anything, his impatience is probably willing them a pseudo form of them into existence. A placebo effect.
“Are you okay?” Felix asks after a while. He does that thing again where he’s looking up at Jisung through the fan of his lashes, the bow of his lips looking incredibly kissable for no reason. There’s an expression of concern in Felix’s eyes. “You’re thinking really loud over there.”
“It’s nothing,” Jisung says and then decides he can’t drag this out any more. He can’t risk staying over any longer no matter how nice it is to share space and air and body heat with Felix. “I’m just not feeling too hot.”
“Oh no.”
“It’s just a headache!” Jisung rushes to clarify. “Not because of anything I ate.”
Felix frowns and pauses the movie. “Are you sure? You don’t have to spare my feelings, you know. I tried my best to make everything vegan and dairy-free but now I’m worried maybe the ingredients didn’t mix well enough.”
“What?”
“You’re lactose intolerant, right?”
“What?” Jisung repeats dumbly.
Felix blinks like he’s worried he’s misinterpreted something. “That’s why I spent so much time coming up with new recipes for vegan options: so you could have some more variety other than just a fruit sorbet when you came to visit.”
“Did you know this entire time?”
“Not the entire time, but I caught on pretty early. You always hightailed it out of the shop with a purpose. Like clockwork.”
“Oh god,” Jisung groans into his hands, “so basically the whole time. The whole time you’ve known I was shoveling ice cream into my gut every week because I wanted to spend time with you?”
“Oh?” Jisung peeks out from between his hands and watches as Felix turns a bright bubblegum pink. “That part I didn’t know. I just assumed you were the one of the masochist types who liked dairy products too much to let your lactose intolerance stop you. I just thought you really liked ice cream.”
“No, you dummy. I just really like you.”
This is not the way he thought his confession would go. In his head, Jisung had imagined the moon at night after a super romantic date, the two of them sitting alone on a bench as a flock of white doves fly past at the exact moment Felix accepts and then they make out for an hour as a chorus of crickets sing their names. Honestly, the relief of knowing he’s not in imminent danger of passing gas makes this moment all the more sweet.
Even sweeter is when Felix replies, “I really like you too Hannie.”
Toothache-inducing is the taste of Felix’s lips on his own.
fin.