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Lucas walked down the stairs, his steps still heavy and groggy from sleep as they hit the carpeted steps that led downstairs. The playoff games would officially start next week, so the coach had given the team a day off, the first Friday afternoon off Lucas had had since… well he couldn’t even remember when. On his way back from school he’d thought of all the stuff he could do with his rare spare time, but once he’d gotten into his room he’d just fallen right into bed and ended up taking an hour-long nap. He’d just gotten up, waking up with a start and gross drool stains on his shirt, and was now heading down to the kitchen to see if there was something to eat since dinner wouldn’t probably be for another hour or so. He walked into the kitchen, hearing that the TV was on in the living room, with Erica probably watching something. His sister had the weirdest taste in what to watch on TV; going from watching cartoons and MTV to news reports and random nature documentaries. Making his way over to the fridge, Lucas opened the door and picked up a jug of juice after a quick look around.
“Oh, look who's home early!” Lucas heard his mom’s voice behind him as he shut the fridge door.
“We haven't seen you in forever, are you sure you still live here?” she added with a teasing smile as Lucas turned to face her. She was exaggerating a bit but it also wasn’t that far from the truth. Because of basketball he was never really home before dinner, and often missed that as well, having to eat the leftovers his mom had left for him in the microwave.
“The coach let us leave early today. He said we should have a break to rest before the big games start next week,” he explained, going over to get himself a glass from the kitchen cabinet.
“Seems like you followed his rest orders,” Mom said with a breath of laughter, pointing over at the drool stains on his shirt collar.
“Yeah, yeah,” Lucas replied with a shake of his head, pouring himself a glass of juice, leaning back against the kitchen counter to drink it.
“Well, do you have any plans for your night off?” his mom asked after a moment.
“Any fun parties or new movies showing?”
Lucas shook his head again, pouring himself another glass. Damn his mouth was dry after the impromptu nap.
“No, I don’t have any plans.”
Him having free time on Fridays was so rare these days that the party never even bothered to plan anything together then. He hadn’t seen Mike and Dustin since finding out practice was canceled, so they probably assumed he was busy as per usual. Lucas hadn’t really even considered it until now, but it was a real possibility they had made some other plans without him. Maybe with the Hellfire club or something. The other guys in the club were a little weird, but they had often mentioned having campaigns outside of the club too, so they could be having one right now, not having told Lucas about it at the club meeting at lunch period yesterday, assuming he would be busy as always. Or maybe they had mentioned it, but since he hadn’t been paying much attention at the meeting, he might’ve just missed it. It would make sense, since he’d been totally spaced out for the whole club meeting, busy thinking about what he’d seen the day before.
He had been running warm-up laps down the school hallways before practice after school with some of the other guys from the team when he’d happened to look into the admin office, seeing Max standing with the school counselor right outside her office. He’d only realized what he’d seen a couple of steps away, and by then it would've been weird for him to turn back and check while the guys were there. When they’d gotten back to the gym hallway, he’d announced he was going to take one extra lap, heading right towards the office, but this time when he peered through the window, the door to the counselor’s office was closed and he couldn’t see Max anywhere. He had no idea why Max was going to see the counselor, and the thought of it had bugged him ever since then. He’d seen her at lunch earlier today, but she hadn’t really said anything at the lunch table, her headphones on as she sat with her head down, focusing on her food. And Lucas really had wanted to ask her about it, ask her if there was something going on with her, if she was okay. But he hadn't wanted to do it there, he knew Max would only just get mad at him, she would never tell him personal stuff like that in the middle of the busy cafeteria, with Dustin and Mike right there.
Him and Max hadn’t really hung out much since the post-game party at Jason’s. He thought coming to the party with him would’ve been good for her, a nice distraction from her move and everything. Yeah, he’d kind of nagged her about it, but he’d still believed her when she’d said she'd come with him. But that whole thing had been a disaster, and he couldn’t blame her if she never wanted to have anything to do with the team again. Which seemed to be her plan, since she hadn’t been to any of his games, and when he was walking down the school hallway with some other guys from the team and she passed them, she acted like she didn’t even see him. And it wasn’t just then. She was avoiding him more and more these days, not answering his calls and not showing up at lunch. And when he did see her and suggested they go out to the arcade or the movies, she pretty much always declined, saying she didn’t want to go out, that she was too tired after school to do anything.
But he just didn't get it. He couldn't understand what good it was, her distancing herself from everything and everyone, just sitting at home by herself. That was the last thing he would want to do if he were her. For him, getting too much time all alone with his thoughts sounded like a recipe for disaster. He couldn't take too much of a pause, to let his mind wander and dig out all the shit he'd tried so hard to forget. He needed to be always doing something, he needed to keep himself busy and surrounded by people, the basketball team, the party, his family. Then he would be too busy and distracted to think about the past, then he could convince himself that it didn't matter anymore, that everything was fine again, that he was moving forward. He needed to do that, needed to constantly be moving, he couldn't stop and let the past catch up to him.
He'd tried to help Max do the same. He'd tried to get her to talk to him about what was going on with her, he'd tried to distract her by talking about other stuff. He'd asked her out to see the latest movies, to play the latest games, and when she'd said she didn't want to leave her house, he'd biked all the way across town to go spend time with her. He'd invited her to the games and the parties, hoping the distractions would be good for her. But none of that was helping, and he was starting to get frustrated. Not at her, really, but at the whole situation, and at himself, for still not figuring out a way to make things better. Compared to last year, you would say things were at least better, they weren't constantly breaking up and getting back together anymore, they'd been together the whole time since last summer. But in a way, last year had been easier. It had been a familiar pattern: him doing something that made Max annoyed and her then breaking up with him, and then him figuring out a way to fix things and get her back and then everything would be all good again. That didn't work this time, he couldn't just show up at her house with a grand gesture to win her over again, that wouldn't work anymore. And it wasn't from a lack of trying, he'd tried doing that numerous times, but it just didn't work. On the rare occasion he did hang out with Max, neither of them really brought up the avoiding and missed calls, and it was nice, just getting to spend time with her. But then it could all turn back on its head the next day, with Max nowhere to be seen during the whole school day, her supercomm off and her mom's voicemail message the only thing Lucas heard when he tried to call her. He just didn't know what to do.
"Lucas?"
His mom's repeated call of his name snapped him away from his reeling thoughts and Lucas blinked his eyes awake.
"Sorry, what did you say?"
"Oh I was just saying that you should invite your friends over some time, haven't seen them in a while," Mom explained.
"Oh, yeah, you're right," Lucas agreed, nodding his head, still feeling a little caught off guard. His mom seemed to notice, saying as she walked past him:
"Guess you're still half-asleep after your nap, huh?"
"Yeah, I think I should go outside to shoot hoops or something. To wake myself back up," Lucas said, suddenly feeling restless, wanting to shake off both his sleepiness and his reeling thoughts.
"You sure? The weather's not great out there," Mom asked, looking out the kitchen window, the air outside gray with a sprinkle of rain. But Lucas had already decided on it. He'd already gotten caught in a spiral of thoughts and worries, he needed to do something to distract himself from them.
"I'll wear my jacket, I'll be fine," he assured his mom, setting the empty class into the sink before heading out the kitchen. His mom had been right about the weather, he realized as he pulled on his windbreaker, stepping out of the garage and facing the slight but steady rain outside. But he wouldn’t let it stop him. He needed the distraction or he was going to get buried under the thoughts and worries he usually kept at bay by working hard enough in class and at practice so that he didn't have brain power or energy for anything else once he got home. Damn you coach for giving the night off! Now he had way too much time to think about how his friends were probably, and justifiably, annoyed at him for never being able to hang out and right about to ditch him for good. Or how he was starting to come to the conclusion that it was his fault that he couldn't think of a way to help Max or get her to feel better. She was not okay, but for some reason she wasn't trusting him enough to tell him about it, or letting him help her, and he just didn't know what he had done to have caused it. He really had tried to be a good boyfriend to her, bought her gifts, given her time and space when she'd asked, invited her out, hung out with her, let her copy his homework when she was too exhausted to do hers, defended her to the basketball team guys. But she still wasn't talking to him. And he really was running out of options now, driving himself crazy trying to think of what to do. And all the while the cold, sinking feeling, the fear of her leaving him, kept on getting heavier.
But he couldn't let it. Not when that tended to petrify him in place, make him second guess everything he did. Not when the playoffs were just a week away and he'd worked so hard to prove his spot on the team. No. He wouldn't let those thoughts grab hold of him. So he picked up a basketball that had been left lying on the grass and faced the hoop above the garage door, taking in a long breath of the cool air before blowing it out, pushing out his worried thoughts along with it. He needed to push them away. And if it took him practicing his dribbling and free-throws until the streetlights turned on and his fingertips felt numb from the cold and his feet dragged from how tired he was, to do that, then that was what he was going to do.