Chapter Text
Max woke up with a start, her lungs begging for air as she drew in hurried breaths, trying to calm her racing heart. She blinked her eyes, trying to focus on her surroundings, her bedroom dark around her in the early morning, the red digits of her alarm clock telling her it was fifteen minutes before her 7 am alarm. She sighed, figuring she might as well get up already, she didn't exactly want to go back to sleep and risk continuing the nightmare from where it had left off. It was the same one she'd had countless times before, of her running aimlessly through the Fourth of July Fair, desperate to find something but not really knowing what it was. But before she could ever figure it out, everything around her would start exploding into fireworks and flying shards of broken glass, the Mindflayer chasing after her through the fairgrounds, through the burning mall, along a school hallway, weaving between the trailers that made up her neighborhood. There had been something new this time, something that had freaked her out so much it had woken her up, but even though it had been just seconds ago, she couldn’t quite remember what it had been. Just that it had caused a heavy sense of dread to settle into her chest and to the pit of her stomach. A feeling she knew by now would probably stay there for the rest of the day.
It wasn’t anything new, so she did what she always did, tried to not think about it and went along with her day. Counselor Kelly had told her to make notes about the nightmares any time they occurred so they could go through them in their weekly meetings. But the dreams were always pretty much the same, so Max didn’t see any use in writing the same thing down every time. She also didn’t like the idea of rehashing the terrible dreams like that, first when she recalled them to write them down, and a second time at the counselor’s office. Also, it wasn’t like she could really be honest to Ms. Kelly about the contents of the nightmares. She’d told her that they included her getting chased by a huge monster, and as far as she knew, Ms. Kelly probably thought it was some kind of a metaphor for grief or guilt or whatever. Little did she know that the monster was very much real.
And Max wasn’t there at the counselor’s office to talk about wacky stuff like deciphering dreams anyways. The meetings had started because of her falling grades, and she was only going because it helped put her mom’s mind at ease. It had been so embarrassing, coming home one day and finding out someone from school had called her mom at work to tell her about her failing some classes. Max had thought she had hidden her report card well enough, making sure her mom wouldn’t have to worry about it. But it looked like someone at the school admin office had taken it as their personal mission to make her life even shittier than it already was. Her and her mom had had a proper screaming match about the whole thing, which had ended in her mom crying and Max getting freaked out and promising her she’d go meet with the counselor. That had been two months ago, and though her grades hadn’t gotten any better, at least her mom knew she was doing something about it and didn’t seem to worry about it as much. And Max didn’t mind the meetings, Ms. Kelly was pretty nice. But she went a little over the top sometimes with the dream journaling and such. So the notebook she had given Max to write down the nightmares would stay in the bottom of her school bag once again this morning. Max flicked on the lamp on her bedside table, the harsh light causing her to squeeze her eyes shut, and then got out of bed, heading to the bathroom to get ready for school.
It was nearing 7:20 when Max realized she hadn’t heard anything from her mom yet, even though she was supposed to be up and getting ready for work. Walking down the hallway towards her mom’s room, Max tried to remember what time she’d heard her come home the night before. She was taking as many waitressing shifts she could to manage the bills, and she’d worked a lot of late shifts lately. Yesterday she’d gotten home when Max had already been half asleep, probably around midnight. Max opened the bedroom door, trying to be quiet about it in case mom was still asleep. And looking across the dark room to her bed, she realized she’d been right. She sighed. This wasn’t the first time this had happened.
“Mom, wake up!” she called out in a half whisper. Her mom just made an unbothered sound, turning over in bed. Max bit her lip, glancing down at her watch. There was no time for this. She walked over to the bedroom window and drew the blinds, the pale light of the early spring morning coming into the room.
“Mom, you’re gonna be late!” Max repeated, turning to look at her mom who was shielding her eyes against the sudden light.
“What time is it?” she croaked and Max checked her watch again.
“7:23.”
“What? Oh no!” It was like a switch had been flipped, as her mom suddenly threw off her covers and jumped out of bed, frantically starting to get ready.
“Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?” she snapped, her tone panicked as she ran over to her dresser. Max bit her lips together. Well that was one way to say thank you. She guessed her mom realized that hadn’t been the best thing to say as she quickly turned to look at her.
“Sorry, I just hate being late. Thank you, sweetie.”
“It’s whatever. Just get ready, the bathroom’s free,” Max replied, already heading back into her room to finish getting dressed for the day. And as she crossed the room she tried not to see all the empty glasses and beer cans her mom had left on the bedside table. There was no time for this either.
“Hey! Watch where you’re going!”
Max swerved on her skateboard, getting out of the way of the car that sped past. Shit, that was a close call! She only had herself to blame though, since she’d not only been totally spaced out as she was making her way to school, but she also had music blasting on her headphones as per usual. It wasn’t usually an issue, the road leading out of the trailer park towards the center of town was usually pretty quiet, but now that she was getting closer to school, the road was busy with cars, bikes and pedestrians, as students made their way to school. Pushing away one headphone from her ear as a compromise, Max made her way through the parking lot towards the front doors of Hawkins High. It was the Friday before spring break and everyone around her seemed much livelier and more excited than they usually were before 8 am on a school morning. As she dropped down from her skateboard and picked it up, continuing to head towards the doors, she kept on looking around, wondering why everyone seemed so damn chipper. Yeah, it was about to be spring break, and she was looking forward to it too, but still! Could they not tone it down?
As she walked into school, she noticed that a group of laughing girls rushing past her were wearing their cheer uniforms. And then it hit her. And right as it did, her eyes landed on the large poster on the wall of the hallway. The pep rally. The Hawkins Tigers had advanced into the regional basketball championship game for the first time in years. Which meant a school-wide pep rally during first period. Which would explain all the excitement that was filling the halls. Max rolled her eyes, putting her headphones on again, and started to head towards her locker. She could care less about the pep rally or the basketball championship. That was another reason to look forward to spring break; it meant that the season would be over and the school and the town could calm down.
The hallway Max’s locker was on was as loud and hyper as all the others, with people talking in cheery excited tones, posters and streamers hung up along the walls and taped onto lockers. As she got to her locker, Max ripped off a “Go Tigers!” poster taped onto it before putting in her combination and opening the locker door, stuffing her skateboard inside. This was all so dumb! She started to annoyedly get her books settled for the first classes of the day, swinging her backpack onto her shoulder with such force that she felt it connect with somebody walking behind her.
“Shit, sorry!” she instinctively said as she looked back. The second she spotted the green and orange of a varsity jacket, she felt her heart jump into her throat. Oh no, please let it not be…
“No worries. Guys, wait up!” the tall and pale gangly looking basketball player said without even meeting her eye as he jogged up to catch up with some of his teammates further along the hallway. Max exhaled in relief, turning back to focus on her locker again. It hadn’t been Lucas. Thank God. They hadn’t spoken to each other ever since the playoffs started a little over two weeks ago, and she wanted to keep it that way. The longer things continued like this, the likelier it was that her strategy would work. It would give Lucas enough time to come to his senses, realize that dating her wasn’t a good idea, and finally break up with her. She had already avoided him for two weeks, and if the team would actually go onto win the championship, rocketing him into real hero status in the eyes of everyone at school, that should be enough to convince him to leave her. And if not, she would just continue to ignore him for all of spring break. That should be enough, right?
The annoyingly loud buzz of cheery students followed Max to her homeroom class, and she kept her headphones on as she sat down, to drown out the excited chatter of her classmates. Even the teacher had been taken over by school spirit, as she sported a t-shirt with the team’s tiger logo on it as she tried to get the class to settle down. But since they would soon all be heading for the gym anyway, she didn’t really put too much effort into it, not even bothering to tell Max to take off her headphones. So she cranked up the music, leaning back to slouch on her seat as she looked out the window and the sunny spring day outside. How cheery.
When the intercom announcement for the start of the pep rally came, Max sluggishly got out of her seat, trailing out of the classroom behind everyone else. Maybe if she let the rest of them go ahead, she could sneak off and ditch the pep rally. Maybe she could go outside, the sunlight could help her finally shake off the lingering memories of the nightmare.
“Hey Max!”
She swore under her breath, pushing off the headphones from her ears as she turned to look at Dustin who’d just called out to her.
“Hey,” she said dryly, seeing he had stopped in the hallway to wait up for her. His homeroom class was right next to hers.
“Excited for the pep rally?” he asked, his smile growing more sarcastic as he saw the deadpan look Max shot his way.
“I know. The school’s worship of the jocks sees no bounds. But hey, the season’s almost done at least,” he offered as they continued to walk towards the gym together.
“Finally,” Max sighed.
“But until then, we need to be there to support the Party, right?” Dustin pointed out and Max instantly felt bad. She knew that he, and Mike as well, disliked the jocks and their superior status as much as she did, but there was no avoiding the fact that they had to suck it up and support them now, to be a decent friend. And Dustin was doing a much better job at it than she was right now. And it made her feel like shit.
“Yeah, you’re right,” she replied with a nod of resignation. As they walked into the gym, loud with music blasting from the speakers, Max looked over at the bleachers, seeing they were already filling up fast. As she started to scan them for a place to sit, Dustin nudged her arm with his elbow, pointing over at a spot on the bleachers.
“Mike said he’d save us seats. His homeroom’s closest so he’d get here first,” he explained and Max nodded along, spotting where Mike was sitting in the middle of the bleachers.
The two of them headed over to him, awkwardly shuffling past and stepping around people, the loud music continuing to blare.
“Hi guys,” Mike said as they finally reached him and sat down.
“Good seats!” Dustin pointed out, looking around.
“Thanks, we were basically the first ones in here like I figured,” Mike explained. As he kept on talking about something about his homeroom Spanish class, Max zoned out, looking around them in the gym. The seats really were good, they were smack-dab in the middle of the bleachers, with a perfect view of the basketball court, where a podium and a pair of speaker stands had been put up. There was also an obnoxiously huge green, white, and orange balloon arch in the back with a large orange “Hawkins Tigers Can’t Be Beat!” banner. Oh how very peppy! The bright colors and excited chatter from the bleachers around her were already giving Max a headache, and the cheerleaders and the basketball team weren’t even out yet. She couldn’t wait for this to be over.
“Or what do you think, Max?”
“Huh?” Max voiced, quickly turning to see both Dustin and Mike looking at her expectedly.
“That Mr. Morris is way harsh on everyone, not just Mike,” Dustin repeated.
“I mean, I guess? I haven’t had him yet,” Max replied with a shrug.
“I swear he has a vendetta against me or something. He keeps failing my quizzes,” Mike complained.
“Oh I’m sure you’re doing a great job at that even without his help,” Dustin shot back with a grin, looking over at Max to offer her a chance to join in, knowing she never passed up an opportunity to send a nice jab Mike’s way. But blame it on the headache-inducing loudness of the gym around them, or the sluggishness of her brain still left-over from her nightmare, but Max found herself just saying a lame “sure”. Dustin opened his mouth, maybe in another attempt of including her in the conversation, but his effort was interrupted by a guy pretty much climbing over them on his way up the bleachers, knocking them over without as much as a sorry.
“Asshole,” Mike mumbled when he’d finally gotten past and Max nodded along in rare agreement.
“Guys, look! Looks like it’s starting soon,” Dustin pointed out, and Max and Mike both looked over at the court, seeing the cheerleaders and basketball players were starting to move about on the edges of the floor, looking like they were warming up before the rally properly started. As they were warming up, they were showing off for the crowd, the cheerleaders waving their green and orange pom-poms and the basketball players passing a ball between each other or showing off their dribbling and footwork. So ridiculous.
“There’s Lucas!” Mike pointed out, and Max felt her stomach drop. Obviously he was going to be here, she knew that. And she’d tried to mentally prepare herself to see him, but it seemed like it hadn’t been enough. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to face him. It was the main reason she’d decided to do the whole break-up by avoidance thing, she didn’t want to say it to his face. He could just come into the conclusion himself, and no one would be hurt. Because she really didn’t want to hurt him. But here he was now, wearing his obnoxious team tracksuit, holding a basketball in one hand, raising his other hand to wave back as he’d also spotted them. With his excited smile and new haircut he looked like the picture-perfect high school jock. And oh no, he was starting to jog up to meet them. Max quickly turned to look away, trying her best to keep on ignoring him. But it was getting harder and harder, as she noticed full well as he made his way to the bleachers, apologizing to the people sitting in the rows below them as he made his way up the steps to where they were sitting.
“Hi guys!” he greeted them as he reached their seats, settling to stand awkwardly on the step below them, in a small space between two groups of people.
“Hey!” Dustin said back, adding: “Ready for the big game?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I just hope I’ll get to actually play in it, the coach had me stuck on the bench for most of the last game,” he explained, reaching up his hand to rub at the back of his neck, seeming a bit nervous.
“He was probably just saving your star power for the last game,” Dustin pointed out to reassure him and it made Max feel worse and worse. Lucas deserved their support right now, and she was giving him the exact opposite, still not daring to look him in the eye. As he scoffed, mumbling a “if you say so, man” to Dustin, Max kept on ignoring him, her eye on a lone basketball lying on the court at the opposite side of the gym.
“Hey, so have you figured out what you’re gonna do with tonight’s campaign?” Mike asked Lucas and Max dared a sideways glance at him, seeing him let out an apprehensive noise.
“Well I haven’t had a lot of time to think about it, really, I mean…” he started to explain.
“But you told us to write you down to participate,” Mike pointed out, his tone sharp.
“Yeah, but that was before the playoffs, I honestly didn’t think we’d make it this far. I didn’t realize the campaign and the big game would be on the same day.”
“Well in any case, Eddie’s breathing down our necks now, needing to know if you’re coming or not,” Mike explained, Dustin joining in:
“Yeah, and I don’t wanna be the one to tell him you’re not. It’s gonna majorly mess up his plans for the campaign if we’re one player short, and he’s gonna be pissed.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll tell him,” Lucas said, sounding frustrated. Max slowly turned to look at him, seeing him lifting his hand up to massage his temples as Dustin and Mike continued asking him about Hellfire Club’s campaign later, arguing about something, but Max didn’t really pay that much attention to the details of what they were saying. It seemed like the three of them hadn’t had time to speak a lot during the playoffs either, this seemed like an argument that was overdue. But Lucas didn’t look like he wanted to have the argument right now, cutting into the heated talk, his tone apologetic. It seemed like he really was sorry about the whole schedule mishap, trying to calm down the situation and to solve it, but also wanting to wrap this up so he could focus back on his team. Even as he tried to negotiate with Mike, he still seemed jittery, probably nervous about the game later. It was a big deal, for him and the school, he was probably under a lot of pressure to do well, if from no one else, then from himself. He was trying to hide it under a confident smile but if Max looked at him closely enough, she could tell the nervous air he had about him.
“Fine then, I’ll tell Eddie. I just don’t know if I’ll have much time today, we’ll start practice right after school,” Lucas explained with a sigh of finality, craning his head to look behind him at the court. Max’s gaze followed where he was looking seeing the other team members still walking around, looking like they were starting to gather together. She turned to look back at Dustin and Mike who were still talking about the campaign details, but as her gaze moved from the court to them, it suddenly stopped midway as she realized Lucas was looking right at her. And she felt her breath hitch.
“Hi,” he said, simple as that, not loudly, not in annoyance or anger over her avoiding him for the past two weeks. It was just a nice, clear, considerate “hi”, his eyes focused on her face and his brows lifted just a bit, a small smile on his face, like he was actually happy to see her. And Max had no idea what to say. It was just a simple “hi”, but it was the most they’d spoken in weeks and she had absolutely no idea how to react, just staring back at him in surprise. Since she still hadn’t said anything, Lucas shifted in place, opening his mouth to probably say something. But before he had time to say anything, there was a shrill sound of a whistle as the basketball coach was calling the team to gather up. Max and Lucas both startled at the sound, turning to look towards the court.
“Guess I’d better go, talk to you guys later!” Lucas quickly spoke up, and with a wave of his hand he’d bounded down the steps and joined the team on the court. Max followed his receding back as he did, still trying to figure out what had just happened. And as she finally looked away, glancing towards Mike and Dustin next to her, she saw that they were both looking at her, their expressions puzzled, Dustin’s gaze darting from her to the court. Oh shit, they’ve seen that whole thing! Max felt heat rise to her cheeks as she quickly mumbled out a “what the hell are you staring at?” before turning to look the opposite direction. This was a disaster.
The pep rally kicked off with the school marching band and the cheer squad performing, followed by the basketball team making their big showy entrance, including confetti, a banner-ripping and probably five different smoke machines. Everyone on the bleachers erupted into applause and cheers as the players took the stage, but Max just shrunk into herself, trying to disappear into the crowd, already counting the minutes until this thing was over. There was another routine from the cheer squad, leading the crowd into synchronized chanting, clapping, and stomping that rattled the bleachers as the crowd went crazy. Next on the schedule was a speech from the school principal, during which Max totally zoned out, really starting to feel how tired she was after the restless night plagued by the nightmare. Oh what she would give to just be able to fall into bed right now for a full twelve hours of calm, dreamless rest. The crowd that had been loud and full of energy just a couple minutes ago was now quietly listening to the droning speech, and Max figured she wasn’t the only person starting to nod off.
The principal’s speech ended with polite applauds, which quickly picked up in excitement once Jason, the captain of the basketball team took to the podium to have his turn to speak.
“Good morning, Hawkins High!” he called out loudly and the crowd’s cheers picked up again and he flashed everyone an oh-so-grateful and charming smile, wrangling the microphone out of its stand, and stepping down from the podium with it, to seem more casual. Because of course he did. The whole school seemed to worship the ground he walked on, especially now that he had led the team this close to a championship. But Max couldn’t stand him. To start off with, she couldn’t stand the show-off way he walked the school halls with his stupid letterman jacket and array of polo shirts, an arm around Chrissy, his head-cheerleader girlfriend, followed by a group of other equally insufferable jocks. But on top of all that was the whole incident she’d had with him at the post-game party at the start of the semester, where he’d cornered her by feigning sympathy over Billy’s death and then implied for all to hear that she had a role in causing the whole Starcourt fire in the first place. And the worst thing was that because of his constant shit-eating grin and his aloofness, Max didn’t even know if he truly believed it, or if he’d just said it as a truly messed-up joke to get a rise out of her. Lucas had assured her it was the latter, and it seemed a bit like it, Jason hadn’t bothered her since, or even acknowledged her when they happened to pass by in the hallway. And if the rumor was still out there, she wouldn’t really know since she was basically ignoring everyone at school anyways. But she still hadn’t forgotten it, which was why her expression was more than sour when Jason started up his speech, laughing and telling the few of his friends still loudly cheering to settle down.
“Okay first off!” he started, loud over one last whistle from the crowd.
“I just wanna thank each and every one of you. Without your support, we wouldn’t be here, so give yourselves a big hand!” he said, clapping his hands towards the crowd on the bleachers which soon joined him in cheers and applause. As it died down a bit, he continued, walking over to the section where the cheer team was seated.
“And of course I got to give a special shout out to the best and prettiest fans of all: the Tiger cheer squad!”
There were more applauds and wolf whistles from the crowd and the cheerleaders got up to face the bleachers, waving their pom-poms high in the air. Jason joined the applause again, laughing along and shooting some more grins to the cheer section. Max rolled her eyes so hard they almost fell out of her head.
When the cheers and applauds finally subsided, Jason had moved along to the center of the court, pulling the microphone chord behind him, his head turned down, preparing to continue, taking on an air of sincerity now.
“You know, I think I can speak for all of us when I say it’s been a tough year for Hawkins,” he spoke up, looking up at the crowd again, the atmosphere in the gym getting more serious.
“There’s been so much loss. Sometimes I wonder how much loss one community can take,” he continued, looking out at the crowd in solemn thought. Max cast her gaze down, closing her eyes, trying to ignore his words.
“In dark times like this, we need to believe in something,” Jason continued, picking up the mic chord to walk along the floor again, looking at the crowd, clearly starting on an inspirational speech.
“So last night when we were down by ten at halftime to Christian Academy, I told my team this” —he paused, stopping his pacing, lifting up his pointer finger in emphasis, everyone in the gym listening to him intently— “Think of Jack. Think of Melissa. Think of Heather. Think of Billy. Think of our heroic Chief of Police Jim Hopper. Think of each and every one of our friends who perished in that fire!”
There were nods and murmurs of agreement from the bleachers around her, but Max couldn’t hear them. Because as Jason had spoken, listing all the people the town had lost, the unsettled feeling that had made home in the pit of her stomach since waking up this morning, suddenly engulfed her all over. Because she suddenly remembered what had been different about the nightmare, what it had been that had scared her enough to jolt her awake, left her gasping for air. As the Mindflayer in the dream had chased her down through the town, it had suddenly started to yell out to her. And its ground-shakingly loud shouts and screams were all in different voices, belonging to all those people that it had taken over and killed. And they were all calling out to her, shouting at her, pleading with her: “ Why did you not stop this?” “Why did you let us die?” “Please save us! ” The last thing she remembered of the dream was her turning back, seeing the Mindflayer looming giant over her, its face deformed, for a second forming into Billy’s face, stringy hair and black veins plastered onto his face, his eyes dead and clouded over, tar-black liquid pooling out of his mouth as he grinned maniacally: “Happy now, Maxine?”
Max jumped as the crowd around her erupted into loud cheers and applause again as Jason, up on the podium now, declared:
“So when we take home that championship trophy tonight, let’s do it for them!”
The bleachers were shaking from the cheers and loud stomping of the whole student body, the marching band starting up again and Max felt the room blur around her, felt panic rise up within her, the oxygen being sucked out of her lungs. She needed to get out of here. Now.
The cheerleaders were back on the court, instructing the crowd to do a wave, and while everyone was busy with that, Max seized her chance, quickly getting up and clambering over people to get down from the bleachers, probably knocking over people as she went. But she didn’t really notice. It was all a dizzy, hazy, disorienting blur, the loud music from the band and the cheers from the crowd morphing into the screams of the Mindflayer's victims, Billy's victims, begging her to help them, asking her how could she do this to them. The flashy colors of flags and pom-poms and banners were starting to resemble the flash and boom of fireworks, and Max could swear she could smell the gunpowder, the dusted concrete, the smoke, the fresh blood. Her heartbeat hammering in her ears, her eyes pricking with panicked tears, Max somehow managed to get out of the gym, bursting into the empty hallway. She kept on walking, past the long row of lockers, not sure where she was going but knowing she needed to go somewhere. She tried to calm herself down just enough to figure out where to go, trying to draw in breaths to steady herself. She could still distantly hear the marching band music blaring from the gym, but most of her focus was on the quiet boring hallway she was walking along. There were no monsters, fireworks, or dead bodies in sight. It had just been a dream.
She took another shaky breath, stopping at a junction of two hallways to decide which way to go, when she heard a sound of a door opening in the hallway behind her, followed by the squeaks of sneakers against the floor.
"Max?"
All the good the steadying breath had done was quashed now, a panicked, guilty feeling instantly washing over her as she heard Lucas's voice. Oh no, please don’t be here for—
"Max, are you okay? I saw you rush out, are you feeling sick or something?" he asked, his voice filled with worry and Max looked back to see him jogging down the hallway to get to her, still wearing his team jersey. And yes, she did feel sick. Even more so as the realization of what she was now forced to do crashed into her with the speed and weight of a cargo train.
She was going to have to break up with him. Right now.
She hadn’t planned on doing it like this. She really had wanted to let Lucas do it himself when he was ready, to lessen the hurt it would cause him. But it was the only way she could get him to leave her alone now, get him to leave before she broke down and dragged him down with her, ruining his big game, the happy, carefree life he’d managed to build for himself at Hawkins High. He should be able to live his life, to shine and to conquer the world. She was just dragging him down, dragging him back to the memories of things he'd much rather forget. She needed to break up with him.
"Hey, what's going on? Are you okay?"
Max snapped away from her spiraling thoughts, seeing Lucas had stopped a couple feet from her, his gaze hurriedly scanning over her, trying to find what was wrong with her. He could keep looking, she had a whole list she could give him.
"It's nothing, you should go back," Max finally answered him with a dismissive wave of her hand, trying to keep her voice as steady and conversational as possible, though it still felt like her lungs and chest were collapsing in on themselves.
“The pep rally is almost done, I’m sure they won’t miss me in there for the last two minutes. I just saw you run out and wanted to make sure you were okay," Lucas explained, taking a step closer, still looking over her face. And as he did, Max took a step back, turning to look away. She could feel the tenseness of her jaw, the dangerous welling of tears in her eyes, and she couldn't let him notice. She needed him back in that gym and back with his team as fast as possible, before she ruined his chance at a championship for good.
"Well I'm fine, just going to get some fresh air. So you can go," she said, her tone snappy as she turned to walk away.
"Max, wait, I—" Lucas said, quickly stepping forward to grab her arm as she turned away. As he did, she jumped, immediately pulling her arm away from him, the overwhelming and weighty crushing feeling back again, her brain again screaming at her to run. Lucas quickly apologized, lifting his hands up and taking a step back to give her space. But it wasn't his fault, it really wasn't. It was all on her. Max turned to look at him again, seeing him standing still, looking at her in concentration, waiting for her to make the next move, not wanting to freak her out more. How could he be so nice to her? When she knew what she was about to say to him.
"I'm breaking up with you."
The words were pressed out of her by the crushing force of panic and dread swirling in her body, but somehow Max still managed to deliver them in a steady, cold voice, her face remaining level, the same level of cold in her expression. Lucas wasn't as good at hiding his feelings, he never was.
"Excuse me?" he asked, his brow knit, his head leaning down towards her as if he'd just simply heard wrong. And Max wished he had, wished she could take it back, reassure him that that wasn't what she meant. But she couldn't. She needed to do this. For his own good.
"You heard me. We're done," she pressed on, her voice getting angrier now as she once again turned to walk away. This time Lucas didn't reach out for her, and even though it was what she had wanted, it still felt like a punch to the gut.
"What are you talking about? Max, wait!" he called out after her instead and she could hear the confusion and sadness in his voice, echoing in the hallway, mixing with the sounds of approaching steps as people were starting to head out from the gym.
"I don't wanna talk to you. It's over. Go back to your precious little basketball team!" she called back, not daring to look back at him. It made her feel like shit, being so mean to him when he’d done nothing to deserve it, but she needed to do it to shake him off, to insult him well enough that he would decide following her wasn’t worth the trouble,
"But this isn't making any sense, please can we talk—" he still pressed on.
"Jesus, are you deaf or something?! I told you I don't wanna talk to you! Leave me alone!"
"Max, come on! Come back and let's—"
"Leave. Me. The fuck. Alone!" Max all out screamed, finally turning back to look at him, even surprising herself by the level of angry fury in her words, having been condensed down from the panic and fear and nausea and regret and guilt swirling inside her. And she used that fury, however fake, to shoot Lucas a death glare across the hallway, hoping it was enough to finally convince him to do what was good for him, to finally set himself free of her. Her glare met him standing in the middle of the still mostly empty hallway, swaying a bit in place, lost, not knowing what to say or do. And it made her want to cry, seeing him so left and lost and betrayed. There was a fraction of a second where she almost contemplated letting down her guard, letting him see what really was going on with her. But then she saw a group of his teammates approaching from the hallway behind him, seemingly spotting him, and that acted as a reminder that she had to do this. She’d broken up with Lucas before, he’d get over it quickly. Quicker than it would take for him to claw his way back up from the pit of fear and guilt and regret she would inevitably pull him down into by being honest with him. He had been preparing for the championship game for months. She wouldn’t ruin it for him. And in time he’d be thankful for her, once he’d realized what a huge mistake it would’ve been for them to stay together. That it was in his best interest to stay as far away from her as possible. This was for the best. And relying on that thought, Max tore her gaze off him, pushed open the double doors at the end of the hallway and walked out without a look back.