Chapter Text
He feels it when he first notices the man square dancing alone. It’s not without lack of trying, but for some reason unknown to him, Mo Guan Shan couldn’t tear his eyes away from that man. Public square dancing is a common recreational activity among the elderly, it wasn’t odd to see a group of them swaying to folk music every now and again in public spaces. What was odd was the evident lack of a partner for the occasion. Everybody around him was paired up, and yet his eyes were closed and his expression content, even happy.
And then it hits him. His partner is dead. The man’s movements are fluid, practiced, and his hands grasp the air in a way that was almost habitual, making space for a body that was no longer there. Mo feels a sudden dread seep into his shoulders and trickle down his spine. Why was he dancing alongside couples whose partners are still alive? Why would he put himself in a situation that reminds him so vividly of his partner's absence? A grief like that.. is unimaginable. Still, Mo watches him dance.
He remembers, oddly, waking up next to He Tian earlier that morning. He remembers the cheap hotel soap scent of the sheets they’d fallen asleep on, He Tian had dragged the comforter of the extra bed with him when he’d snuck into Mo’s bed because Mo had fallen asleep on top of everything. It turns out they didn’t need it anyway, Mo had managed to kick the comforter to their feet almost minutes into laying in the same bed, seeking He Tian’s warmth instead and pressing himself to his side without hesitation, still sound asleep. He Tian, often plagued by insomnia, had fallen asleep quickly to the rhythm of Mo’s even, calming breaths. The whole ordeal had been so natural and effortless, as though they had done it forever. Maybe, in some past life, they had.
With the memory fresh in his mind, He Tian’s absence feels heavy, and Mo’s mind begins to wander.
“I settled things over here too. She Li won’t bother you anymore.”
“In the future, don’t try to shoulder everything by yourself.”
“I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I’m afraid you’ll forget me someday.”
“You’re honest and you don’t cheat. You’re also not afraid of darkness. So don’t leave me.”
“Marry me?”
“Where are you dammit, I want to see you.”
“Tell me.. what happened.”
“Your fever has gone down. Brat, you’re recovering quite quickly.”
“I brought you some porridge. Come and eat.”
“You don’t need to pierce your ear to prove anything. I just hope you do it because you like me.”
“You really are amazing, little Mo.”
Will he be sad if I leave?
A sharp sound, like metal scraping on cement, pulls Mo violently out of his thoughts and he reacts just in time to save a man in a wheelchair as he falls quickly down the stairs. Out of instinct, Mo jumps in the way before the chair can lean forward, and in the process the wheel jams into his foot. The adrenaline in his system saves him from the pain for a while, it isn’t until he gets the man to safety and sits under a tree in the shopping plaza that searing hot tendrils of pain shoot up his foot in waves. He holds his foot for the duration of He Tian’s shopping, hissing quietly as he leans his forehead on his knee.
He Tian doesn’t take long to appear. “Got all the textbooks you need. Let’s go home.”
Mo tries to picture what home looks like as He Tian draws closer and ruffles his hair playfully, “Angry about the long wait?”
“I hurt my foot.” Mo says defensively, his voice small and forced, not looking up. He can feel He Tian’s mood change as he kneels to slip his shoe off and see the wound for himself. Mo hadn’t bothered to look at it, he was familiar with pain. He knew it was bad.
“You really wanna piss me off, don’t you?”
Mo still doesn’t look at him. A part of a him-a big one- was afraid to look at him and see everything all at once. “Ain’t my fuckin’ fault.”
If He Tian notices something’s up, he doesn’t mention it like he usually does. He’s used to prying answers out of Mo in unconventional ways, he’s developed a skill for it like learning a new instrument. Instead, he picks Mo up and parts his legs to either side of his torso.
“In the future, you’re not allowed to mess around like this.”
If he notices the way Mo melts into him like winter melts into spring, or the unusually docile “Okay..”, distant and accepting, He Tian doesn’t mention that either.
Behind him, Mo is watching the man dance alone, and for a brief moment, he sees himself there. Dancing alone. His ear itches.