Archive of Our Own ^beta

Bakugou Katsuki spent forever cleaning his fingernails that night. His ash blonde hair had nearly dried by the time he was done. He was fastidious about his nails, keeping them short and clean no matter how much time or effort it took.

Tonight they were stubbornly caked with particles from his gloves, the inside of which was a special material that kept the outside of the glove from going up in flame and his skin from doing similar. The downside of the material is that, no matter how many times he took the gauntlets back to the manufacturer to fix it, it remained slightly soft and always ended up pushed under his nails.

He had a half dozen nail care kits at this point, most being garbage.The best one, unsurprisingly, was a gift from Momo. After washing the tools he’d used, Bakugou returned the kit to its place in the cupboard and gave his hair a final toweling.

In his room he put on clean boxers, not worrying about other clothes. Despite the season, his condo held heat well and he’d never experienced so much as a draft.

He’d bought this penthouse in the middle of the city for the view. Thanks to its height he could stand outside and scan the entire western skyline. The sturdy balcony was perfect for launching off of as well. He’d already had noise complaints lodged against him by people living in the floors below, but they’d get over it if they wanted Top Hero Ground Zero to continue having the best crisis response time in the area.

Cleaned, Bakugou went to his kitchen to correct the fact that he was ravenous. He didn’t have much food and quickly resigned himself to making a protein shake. He never drank the store bought kind as who knew what the fuck was in those. So the only ingredients he always had on hand were to make his shake. It tasted like shit, but replenished the nutrients he needed.

He hadn't even managed to gather all the ingredients on the counter before his doorbell rang.

-Who in the goddamn fuck is bothering me.-

Bakugou didn’t bother with a robe as the only people who had potential access to bothering him this late at night had seen him without a shirt a thousand times. His mom, Eijirou, Momo, but why would any of them be here?

Bakugou yanked open the door without ceremony and glared preemptively at whoever was there.

‘Hi!’ Toga shouted, face blushed with cold and smile only half visible over her scarf.

Bakugou’s first reaction was to blast her. But quick calculation reminded him that doing so would cause even more of an issue due to the property damage.

So Bakugou went with his second reaction, which was to grab Toga by the front of her coat and drag her inside. She gave a playful whoop as he did. He then slammed the door behind them so hard he might still have to worry about property damage.

Bakugou grabbed Toga’s front with both hands and drew her face close, unable to speak above a low hiss through his clenched teeth.

‘What the fuck are you doing here.’ He punctuated each word with a barely controlled shake of his fists.

Toga ignored his rage, instead peering around his arms to get a look at his exposed abdomen. ‘Clothes off already? You are happy to see me!’ She teased.

On the verge of losing all control Bakugou dropped the woman, who bounced on her feet cheerfully, then walked away, running one hand after the other through his freshly washed hair.

This was not what he needed. Toga Himiko was never what he needed. Whenever she showed up in his life Bakugou ended up haunted by whatever they did for weeks, innocent or not. He still remembered how painful paying his credit card bill was the month after their grocery outing. He had the money, it was the principle of the situation.

He took a lap around his apartment in an attempt to calm down. He trudged through the kitchen between the counters and island then past his small dining table, pressed against the wall of windows. Around the back of the couch, past his desk, and finally to his gauntlets. They were in their custom cradle and out of habit Bakugou traced them with a finger as he walked by.

As he walked he put his most intense breathing exercise to the test. He couldn’t ignore this situation now that it had arisen, nor could he violence his way out of it.

Toga Himiko was here and Bakugou knew from experience there was no getting rid of her. Not without satisfying her appetite.

He finished his lap, proceeding past Toga to his place of beginning before turning to face her.

She was rocking on the balls of her feet, fingers laced behind her back, looking all the world like a girl waiting on her date to arrive.

Bakugou’s loathing of that schoolgirl persona reared up. His shoulders tensed, fingers twitching. He covered his face with a hand and roared in frustration before stomping another lap.

Once finished, still breathing harshly through his nose, Bakugou confronted Toga by the door where she stood waiting. She had stopped the cute act, now standing with her arms crossed impatiently.

‘You done?’ She asked as Bakugou halted, leaving only a half-step between them. He tilted his face towards the ceiling.

-Relax your shoulders. Breath in deep…let it out slow…-

‘Toga, why are you in my house?’ Bakugou asked, voice tightly controlled.

‘Well, you let me inside, so…’ She replied cheekily.

‘Toga, I swear to fuck-’

‘Oh, chill out.’ Toga uncrossed her arms and gave an exaggerated shrug, hands held out plaintively. ‘I needed a place to stay.’

‘That does not answer the fucking question.’ Bakugou was on the edge of throwing her off the balcony.

‘You said I could stay with you. I’m taking you up on that offer.’

‘Like hell I did!’ Bakugou barked, jerking his chin down to glare at her.

‘Yes you did!’ Toga insisted. ‘That night we hooked up at the club, I said I didn’t have a place to stay and you asked if I wanted to stay with you.’

Shit. He had done that.

‘So,’ she continued, ‘I’m taking you up on that offer.’

It was Bakugou’s turn to cross his arms. ‘One, we did not hook-up.’

Toga rolled her eyes.

‘Two, that offer expired.’ He finished. This was what he got himself into by thinking with his dick.

Toga stomped her foot, pink mittens bunched into fists.

‘No fair! I trusted you.’ She pouted.

This gave Bakugou pause. There was an earnestness in her words. Behind that pout was true hurt. He didn’t understand emotions well, but he could recognize them in others.

‘Why?’

‘Why what?’ Toga questioned back.

‘Why do you trust me?’ Bakugou's voice was sober, his red eyes bright and intense as he awaited her answer.

Toga returned his gaze steadily as she answered.

‘I told you Katsuki, you start off grumpy, but you always do the right thing.’

Bakugou sighed through his nose, pinching the bridge.

‘And I told you not to use that name.’ He grumbled. ‘And at least take off your damn shoes.’

Toga cheered and gave him a peck on the nose. Bakugou swatted her away with a growl, which she ducked under with a laugh. She took off her mittens and scarf and hung her little backpack on a hook by the door before sitting down. As she pried off her shoes and Bakugou noticed the leather was soaked.

He gazed out his wall of windows. The snow had picked up while he was in the shower, falling thick and heavy.

‘Is this your room?’ Toga asked, not waiting for an answer before opening the door and disappearing inside.

Bakugou bristled. ‘Get the fuck out of there!’ He roared, stomping after her.

By the time he entered the room Toga was already flopped face down on his bed.

‘You’re going to get my goddamn sheets wet.’ Bakugou barked, grabbing Toga by the ankles and pulling. She dug her fingers into the coverlet in protest.

‘Stop! These smell good!’ She whined. ‘Do you wear cologne to bed?’

Bakugou groaned at the question. ‘Not this again.’

‘What does that mean?’ Toga asked, turning over and kicking her ankles free from Bakugou’s grasp. He didn’t fight. He was too tired for this shit, but he explained anyway.

‘It’s my sweat.’

Whoever shared his sheets or body noticed it. Eijirou commented on it every time he laid his head on Bakugou’s bare chest after intimacy. Momo agreed, theorizing they could turn it into an exclusive product that would be a breakthrough for his brand as a Hero.

‘Why does your sweat smell like caramel?’ Toga asked, dubious.

‘My Quirk is based on igniting the nitroglycerin I sweat from my palms.’ He explained patiently. ‘Initially, it has a sweet scent, but once I ignite that sweat the smell turns burnt. Even though I can only ignite the nitro in my palms, the scent apparently pervades the rest of my sweat. That’s why I shower so damn much.’ He finished.

Toga smirked. ‘I guess big, bad, Hero Ground Zero can’t smell like candy.’

‘I hate it.’ Bakugou said bluntly.

It had started with puberty and gotten worse as his Quirk got stronger. He’d even considered Botox injection to paralyze the pores under his arms, but decided against it. Since his Quirk relied on being able to make his palms sweat on command, anything that might hinder that bodily process was a bad idea.

Toga flopped down on her back and sighed contentedly.

‘Well, I think your bed smells wonderful.’

‘Get out of it.’ Bakugou ordered. ‘The couch is in the other room.’

Toga sat up, lip stuck out. ‘Do you always make your guests sleep on the couch?’

‘You’re not a guest, you’re some stray that wandered in.’ He sneered, arms crossed. ‘You probably have fleas-’

Toga punched him in the nose.

Bakugou stumbled backwards, his roar of pain strangled as he pinched his nose closed.

‘You cunt-’ He started in, prepared for a full on brawl, but the sight of Toga’s face arrested him.

She had stood up on the bed, so she was towering over him. Her fists were clenched tight, wringing the fabric of her pleated skirt. Small, bright tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was sniffling furiously in a vain attempt to stop them.

‘Don’t call me dirty.’ She hissed, fierce and nasally.

Bakugou could recognize when he’d fucked up. He looked away, trying to find the right words.

‘I didn’t mean that the way you took it.’ He announced.

Toga’s jaw dropped as she accused him scathingly, ‘That’s the best you’ve got?’

Bakugou prickled, rubbing the back of his head with the hand that wasn’t pinching his nose closed. He’d known that response was shit, but she didn’t have to call him out. Fine, he’d try again. He un-pinched his nose and straightened his shoulders, looking Toga in the eyes.

‘My bad.’

She glared at him for a long time and Bakugou returned the gaze stoically.

‘Uhg, fine.’ Toga relented. She uncurled her fists, rubbing her face with a forearm while pointing at Bakugou with her other hand.

‘Give me something to sleep in!’ She ordered.

‘Hell no, wear your own damn clothes!’ Bakugou countered, always ready for an argument.

‘They’re damp.’ She reminded testily. ‘It’s practically a blizzard out there and it’s a long damn walk to your house!’

‘You walked here?’ Bakugou repeated incredulously, voice thick as his nose throbbed threateningly. He pinched it again.

If she’d traveled here from the last place he knew she’d been staying it was a long trek on foot. That had also been in December, nearly two months ago, so she could have moved anywhere since then.

‘Yes I walked here.’ Toga replied sourly. ‘I lost my job and I can’t afford a train pass right now.’

Bakugou released his nose in surprise, a thick trail of blood tracing down his upper lip.

‘Who would employ you?’ His mouth asked before his brain could intervene, the words coming out much harsher than intended.

Toga launched off the bed with a howl and tackled Bakugou to the ground. He was unprepared for her ferocity and speed, hitting the ground hard and concussing his head on the floor. Toga was on him, knee pressed to his chest to arrest his breathing as her clawed fingers encircled his neck. Her nails bit into Bakugou’s jugular as she bared her teeth.

‘Fuck you, Hero, fuck you!’ She screamed. Through his blurry vision he could barely make out that her amber eyes were bright slits of rage.

‘I’m trying so hard to get by in this stupid society.’ Toga spat. ‘I know if I want to survive I can’t be my true self, and you know what? I don’t know if it’s worth it!’

She tightened her grip around Bakugou’s neck as she spoke. He hadn’t expected her to be so strong and felt himself beginning to choke in earnest.

However, she’d left his hands free, proving to Bakugou that this was a wild attack with no sense of self preservation. She hadn’t even pulled out her knife, the outline of which he had seen in the pocket of her skirt. All he had to do was lift his hands and he could blow her away.

But he didn’t. He needed to hear this as much as Toga needed to say it. He struggled to focus through the strangulation.

‘Ever since the League fell I’ve had nothing.’ Her voice was low and scratchy. ‘At first I lashed out, you know that. But I decided to be hopeful, hopeful that something else would come along. I decided to endure.’

He watched her jaw working as she ground her teeth.

‘And for what?’ Her voice rose to a shout. ‘To scrape by? To hide my true self again, just as I was forced to as a child? I can’t handle that anymore!’

She lowered her face to him, warm breath caressing his bleeding nose.

‘Do you know how hard it is for me to not lick that blood from your lips?’ Toga whispered, then leaned down further, tongue tracing the edge of Bakugou’s deafened ear and making him shiver. ‘I told you I didn’t want to be you, but now that I can smell it-’

Abruptly, she bore her knee down into his solar plexus and Bakugou gave a strangled gasp as she shouted-

‘It’s driving me crazy!’

This had gone too far. Toga’s blood mania was taking over and Bakugou could feel himself whiting-out.

He grabbed her wrists and wrenched them away, her nails scoring his flesh as they tore from his neck. He pushed her straight up and Toga screamed in rage at how easily he lifted her. She bore her knee into Bakugou’s chest again with all her weight he wasn’t supporting, making him cough.

He wanted to throw her across the room, but that would inevitably lead to a brawl that would destroy his bedroom, and he’d just finished replacing what he’d broken the last time he’d lost his temper.

Bakugou adjusted his hold so both of Toga’s wrists were secured in one hand, which she immediately bit. He cursed as he put his free arm around her back and pulled her down to him.

‘Get your teeth out of me, you little gremlin.’ He growled, wrenching his hand away before she could draw blood. He snaked that arm around her shoulders, securing his hold and pinning her to his chest.

She resisted, arching her back to pull away. Bakugou craned his head off the floor and pressed his cheek against her bangs.

‘Chill out, don’t split like Twice.’ He mumbled into her hair.

Toga ceased struggling against his hold. ‘How do you know about that?’ She demanded.

‘I pay attention.’ Bakugou replied, voice even, though he was slightly miffed she thought so little of him. It’d been six goddamn years of this shit, of course he’d noticed one of his opponents split their personality when stressed.

All the tension left Toga's body and she sagged into him. Bakugou tightened his embrace around her waist and placed the other hand on the back of Toga’s head. She was facedown on his chest so her words were muffled when she spoke.

‘I want to be the people I admire, is that so bad?’ She asked miserably.

Bakugou released his own tension, the back of his head thudding to the floor.

‘I get it.’ Bakugou answered the ceiling.

On its own that wasn’t an unusual desire. Bakugou had admired All Might and put his every effort into emulating the man. Izuku had literally become him, the new Symbol of Peace.

Toga’s clothes were damp and the cold was seeping into Bakugou’s bare skin. How had she not been shivering all this time? Or had she, and he’d been too much of a prick to notice.

He knew the second answer was the truth. He closed his eyes against the darkness of the ceiling above him, which was bearing down in rebuke.

‘Katsuki, I don’t want to do this anymore.’ Toga murmured against his chest, her breath as cold as her body.

‘I didn’t give you permission to use that name.’ Bakugou sighed out, all conviction gone.

He embraced Toga closer, stroking her hair. Her buns were a mess, strands everywhere. He ran his hands along them carefully, trying not to get his fingers tangled and accidently tug a knot. Momo loved when he did this, so Bakugou figured it couldn’t hurt to try on another person with long hair.

They remained that way for an unknowable amount of time, wet clothes to warm skin. If Toga cried, Bakugou couldn’t hear or feel it. She’d shared with him the feelings she could not longer contain and Bakugou picked them apart in his head, uncomfortable with their resonance.

Fed up with his thoughts, Bakugou sat them both up. He tilted Toga’s head up with a finger so their eyes met.

‘Go take a shower.’ He directed, pointing to the door at the far end of the bedroom.

Toga’s eyes transformed from wide with surprise to slits in an instant.

‘Stop calling me dirty!’ She barked, punching him in the chest.

‘I didn’t fucking say that!’ Bakugou coughed back, rubbing his sternum. He stood and hauled Toga up under the arms.

‘There’s a goddamn blizzard outside and you’re soaked, go warm the fuck up!’ He instructed, steering her by the shoulders towards the bathroom.

Toga gasped, instantly bright with joy.

‘That sounds delightful!’ She cried, twisting out of Bakugou’s grasp, kicking him in the shins as she did, and skipped excitedly towards the door.

Bakugou shook his stinging leg, regretting every decision he’d ever made that led him to this point.

Inside, Toga squealed with pleasure. ‘It’s huge!’

‘Don’t touch my shit.’ Bakugou called after, knowing she was about to do just that.

By the time he entered the room Toga was already opening the drawers on either side of the sink, prodding and judging the contents. Bakugou caught her wrist just as she was reaching for the medicine cabinet.

‘I said, don’t touch my stuff you gremlin.’ He repeated.

‘Dabi used to call me that!’ Toga remembered fondly, cocking her head to one side as her normal, blushing smile returned.

Bakugou clasped Toga’s shoulders again and turned her around.

‘Shower!’

Noticing the shower for the first time, Toga turned rapturous as she rushed over.

‘It’s so fancy! Look at all these jets!’

Bakugou smirked as he preened. It was magnificent. The bathroom was the only area of the flat he’d spent his own money to improve. The sliding glass door was air-tight, enabling the shower to transform into a sauna. Bakugou controlled the heat of the steam with blasts from his hands, often raising the temperature to levels most people would find intolerable. To combat this, there were vents that could be opened to prevent rapid temperature changes from blowing up his flat.

Due to having a Quirk as volatile as his, Bakugou paid out the ass for home insurance.

Toga shed her coat and pulled her shirt over her head, flinging it behind her to land at Bakugou’s feet.

‘The fuck is wrong with you.’ He muttered, turning around as Toga continued to strip.

He wasn’t prepared for this tonight, not that he was ever prepared for Toga. It was far past the hour he normally liked to be in bed and this situation didn’t feel like it would be ending soon.

Bakugou heard the door of the shower open and close.

‘Wanna join?’ Toga taunted, voice echoing in the shower chamber.

‘No!’ He barked back, picking her clothes up off his floor. ‘My hair just finished drying.’

Toga cackled, which turned into an ecstatic sigh as the water turned on, instantly hot.

Bakugou left her there, closing the door behind him a little too forcefully. He went to the laundry closet nearby and threw her clothes in the machine before hitting the auto-dry button.

He leaned his head against the wall and tried to process how wrong this night had gone. He pinched between his eyes and remembered his earlier nosebleed. Pulling out his phone, Bakugou used the front facing camera like a mirror to examine his face. The blood had dripped down his lips and onto his chin and was starting to dry and crust. His nose wasn’t broken, but it would swell, and his neck was scored with bright red lines where Toga had clawed him. He didn’t not relish the thought of coming up with an explanation for those injuries.

Bakugou licked his lips clean, tasting the familiar tang of iron Toga so often gifted him. He used his fingers and saliva to clean the rest of his face until it was good enough.

His stomach reminded him that he still hadn’t eaten, but any desire for food was lost.

Bakugou thumped his head against the wall a couple times, then pulled the extra blankets down from the shelf above the dryer.

-

‘Clothes on the counter!’ Bakugou yelled at the fully steam filled shower. ‘And open the damn vents so you don’t suffocate, dipshit!’

‘Okay.’ Toga’s response was garbled. She was clearly speaking through a mouthful of water. Bakugou imagined her, head tilted upward to catch the shower water in her open mouth like little kids did with spring rain.

He left a couple older towels next to the clothes, spiriting away his good ones so she couldn’t touch those too.

Bakugou heard the vents slide open.

‘Come join me.’ Toga called.

‘Hell no! I told you, my hair just dried!’

‘Then put on a shower cap,’ she argued. ‘I saw them in a drawer.’

‘Quit going through my shit!’ Bakugou shouted back. She was right, he did own shower caps, which were another gift from Momo after he’d complained about his hair continually being wet when all he wanted to do was wash off the day.

-Fuck, I need to pay her back.- Bakugou decided, having no idea how to actually do that.

Water splashed sharply as Toga stomped her foot.

‘Come on! I don’t know which shampoo to use, you have like six!’ She complained.

Again, guilty. Bakugou owned a half dozen shampoos of varying harshness depending on the quality of dye he was trying to wash out of his hair. He followed up with one of four conditioners.

‘What kind are you looking for?’ Bakugou asked.

‘I just want to wash my damn hair, it’s oily.’

‘Use the red one.’ He answered.

‘Which red one!’ Toga shouted, voice tight with frustration. ‘There are three!’

‘The one furthest to the right.’ Bakugou replied, patience straining.

‘I picked them all up already trying to figure out your stupid system, they’re not in the same order.’ She kicked the water, splashes becoming harsher.

‘Stop touching my stuff!’ Bakugou couldn’t prevent his voice from rising. ‘I told you to get warm, not move my shit around.’

‘You did not!’ Toga shouted back, voice rising to meet his. ‘Plus, you peeled off all the fucking lables!’

‘I don’t like staring at brands all the time!’ Bakugou was running his hands through his hair again, one after the other. It was all he could do to keep his palms from sparking as they escalated to a full on shouting match.

‘Bakugou, just get in here and help me!’ Toga called, fully exasperated.

‘Fucking fine!’ Bakugou bellowed back. If this was what it took to shut her up then fine. He forced down the waistband of his boxers and kicked them off.

‘Face the wall.’ He ordered as he stalked over.

Toga sniffed. ‘You don’t have to yell.’

He wrenched open the shower door and was momentarily blinded by steam. When his vision cleared he saw Toga, back to him with her arms crossed. Her hips were thrust to one side, foot tapping impatiently.

Bakugou reached through the jets of water, keeping his head carefully distanced. He grabbed the correct bottles and placed one on each of Toga’s shoulders.

‘Use these.’

Toga took them, one each hand, and teased him, ‘Was that really so hard?’

Bakugou grunted and pulled away, ready to leave. In the same instant Toga turned around to face him, fully nude.

He wrenched his face up to avoid the sight of her. Toga, in turn, scanned him up and down.

‘Nice.’ She approved.

Not trusting himself to open his mouth, Bakugou walked away without comment. He retrieved his boxers and a stashed towel and dried off in his room.

-

Toga emerged wearing his clothes, a clean pair of too small boxers and a shirt he hated, with her hair wrapped in a towel. She sighed contentedly.

‘I feel so refreshed.’

Bakugou grunted. He was wrapped in his black robe and had been putting his laundry away as he waited for her to be done.

‘Thanks, Ground Zero.’ Toga smiled as she rubbed her hair with the towel. She somehow managed to mix teasing with sincerity and it made Bakugou’s temple pulse. He needed away from her. He’d hidden anything important or sensitive, so she could have the damn bedroom.

‘I wake up at 05:30, so don’t bother me before then.’ Bakugou said, walking to the bedroom door. ‘There are extra blankets on the dresser.’

Toga stopped drying her hair.

‘You’re sleeping on the couch?’

‘Yes I’m sleeping on the damn couch,’ he growled, hand on the doorknob. ‘You insisted on the damn bed. So good-fucking-night.’

‘Stay.’ Toga whispered. ‘I don’t want to be alone, that’s why I’m here.’ She admitted pitifully.

Bakugou craned his head around to stare at her, eye twitching, hand still on the doorknob.

‘Fucking what?’

Toga pursed her lips. ‘You heard me.’ He watched her take a deep breath through her nose, shoulders rising. ‘Do you want to be alone, Bakugou?’ She asked, voice just shy of accusing.

-No.- His mind answered instantly, but this time he kept his lips sealed. That wasn’t a feeling he was ready to admit or address. He’d been keeping those emotions dead and buried since that night they had in the summer.

And just like that night, Toga managed to revive them from their too shallow grave with little more than a look and a sentence.

Bakugou turned back to the door. He leaned his forehead against it’s frame, hitting his head against it several times, more forcefully than before, before releasing a harsh sigh.

‘You’re fucking impossible.’

‘Sleepover!’ Toga shouted with joy, pumping her fists into the air. She whipped off her hair towel and slung it at him. He snatched it from the air and chucked it in the hamper.

‘We’re going to be now!’ Bakugou ordered, hanging his robe on the back of the bathroom door.

‘Okay!’ Toga cheered. By the time he faced the bed she was already snuggled deep under the covers. Bakugou walked to the far side of the bed and placed his phone on the nightstand to charge.

‘Wrong side.’ He said, lifting his foot and sliding Toga across the mattress with his heel.

‘I get it.’ She muttered, wiggling further away, face only half visible above the covers.

Bakugou rolled her further with his foot. ‘More. Shoo.’

‘This isn’t good for cuddling!’ Toga complained, emerging enough to prop herself up on the far pillow where she had been banished.

‘We’re not cuddling.’ Bakugou said firmly, pulling back the covers and climbing in himself.

‘Aww, come on. We did it before and we both liked it.’ She pushed as Bakugou clicked off the table lamp.

‘This isn’t neutral territory.’ He replied, settling with his back to her. ‘This is my home. It’s a risk just having you here.’ Bakugou finished in a low voice, speaking to the fresh darkness.

‘Thanks for the charity.’ Toga huffed, putting her own back to him.

Bakugou got the feeling she was hurt by his words, but had no clue what he should, or wanted, to say. He could text Momo, like he always did, but that would lead to her blowing up his phone with questions Bakugou was not going to answer.

-I have to stop relying on her.- He chastised himself.

Bakugou was fastidious about every aspect of his life. He folded his laundry and paid his bills, he even paid attention to all the stupid business crap Sero reported to him. He was on-top of every aspect of his life, except his emotions. Those he had no idea how to sort or organize, much less decipher.

Sighing, Bakugou rolled onto his back and crossed his arms behind his head.

‘Ask me a question.’

Toga turned over to stare at him. ‘What?’

‘You’re not tired, and your pissed off energy is gonna keep me awake.’ Bakugou grumbled. ‘So do something interesting.’

‘We could have sex, that’d be interesting.’ He could hear the smile in her voice.

‘Go to hell, I just took a shower.’

Toga barked a laugh. ‘That’s your reason? You’re so weird, Katsuki.’

‘Don’t use that name.’ Bakugou ground out through his teeth, and was about to tell Toga to fuck off when she spoke up.

‘Why is everything you own unscented?’ She asked.

Bakugou rolled over to face her. The thin line of light that pierced between the curtains revealed the genuine curiosity on Toga’s face.

‘That’s what you want to know?’ Bakugou replied slowly.

Toga nodded, hair scuffing gently against the pillow.

‘I looked at everything. Hair products, soap, deodorant, all of it is scentless. Hell, even your toothpaste is flavorless, it’s just baking soda.’ She stuck out her tongue and faked gagging.

‘I have a sensitive nose.’ He deflected, but Toga wasn’t falling for it.

‘That’s not it.’ She poked at his arm until he swatted her away.

‘Fine,’ he relented. ‘Scented shit smells weird on me.’

‘Because you smell like candy?’

‘I do not!’ Bakugou argued for the hundredth time in his life.

‘Doesn’t explain the toothpaste.’ Toga pushed.

‘Why are you judging my oral hygiene products?’ He growled, temple starting to pound again.

Toga just giggled. ‘Because you’re fun to mess with.’

Bakugou pressed her palms to his eyes and groaned. ‘Go the fuck to sleep.’ He then pushed the covers down his chest. He was a hot sleeper and rarely added a cover to the bed, but he’d put it on for her.

‘Thanks for the cover.’ Toga said, and for a moment Bakugou worried she’d copied a mind-reading quirk.

‘I’ll get another if it makes you shut up.’ He muttered, firmly closing his eyes.

Toga pressed his shoulder, shaking him lightly. ‘I don’t want a blanket, I want to cuddle.’ She insisted. ‘It’ll help me fall asleep faster.’

Bakugou swatted her away again. ‘Yea, well I won’t sleep. I can’t fall asleep if people are touching me.’

Toga was silent a moment before asking carefully, ‘What about Red Riot?’

Bakugou hesitated.

‘That’s different.’ He answered softly. It wasn’t a secret he and Eijirou were together on and off, but her question was uncomfortable, intimate.

‘Because you love him?’

‘Shut up.’ He snapped back, but without conviction.

‘What’s it like,’ Toga asked in a small voice. ‘To fall in love with someone without wanting to consume them?’

Bakugou shrugged. ‘I dunno. I don’t fall in love.’

Toga bolted up and shook him by both shoulders, nearly pushing him off the bed.

‘That doesn’t help me! And stop lying!’

Bakugou caught her wrists and tossed her back to the other side of the bed.

‘I’m not lying.’ He said flatly.

‘Yes you are!’ Toga argued, scrambling back over to his side of the bed and punched him in the shoulder. ‘You love people.’

Bakugou grunted and rubbed his shoulder. ‘Having love for people and being in love with them is different. According to our stupid society, al least.’ He explained tersely. ‘I don’t do the performative, buy flowers, big confession bullshit. Because I don’t get the point.’

Toga rocked backwards to land on her butt, mattress bouncing slightly. The sliver of light revealed her bewildered face. Bakugou sighed, knowing he couldn’t get out of this conversation. He sat up, crossing his arms and legs, not relishing having to explain his lack of romantic attraction to someone obsessed with the concept of love.

Momo dubbed him as bisexual aromantic, much to Bakugou chagrin and distaste for labeling. She’d knitted him two scarfs in the colors that supposedly represented those identities, which he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. He’d folded and stored them in the bottom drawer of his dresser, the one he was careful not to destroy during his rages.

‘I don’t feel the desire to be in a relationship with someone. I don’t understand what people refer to as a ‘crush’.’ It was incredibly difficult to articulate his experience, But Bakugou pushed on. ‘I think romance stories are pointless and that the characters are just wasting their time.’

‘People like Eijirou, I want to be around him but I don’t have any expectations for our time together. He’s not required to be ‘mine’, to love only me or sleep with only me. And why does that have to have a name? Why are interactions compartmentalized? Why does society insist on differentiating between friends and romantic partners?’ His voice was heating up.

The light flashed across Toga’s face. Her brows were low, eyes bright with the same intensity she showed on the battlefield.

Bakugou couldn’t stop the words now.

‘I’ve never felt it, the ‘romantic’ feeling, and I’m in my fucking twenties now so that’s clearly not fucking changing.’ Bitter memories were rising, as was his voice. ‘I’ve had partners, I’ve had sex with them, and I’d kill anyone who hurt them, Those are bonds, right? So fuck the people who say I just haven't found the ‘right person’ yet, I’m fine on my goddamn own.’

He and Momo’s relationship proved his point. He trusted and respected her, and Momo enthusiastically expressed her enjoyment of their time together. They’d sleep together, but didn’t expect or desire anything to evolve from that interaction. Bakugou was as close to Momo as he was capable of being with another person, but they remained emotionally independent.

‘But Eijirou…’ Bakugou deflated, sinking to the side, head hitting the pillow. ‘Ei feels that way about me, he’s said it. And I just, I don’t get it.’ Guilt flared, hot and sharp in his chest.

They’d tried over and over, but Bakugou always ended it. He felt like he was stringing Eijirou along, that hopeless romantic of a man longing for something that wouldn’t, couldn’t happen. Ei missed him when they were apart, but Bakugou didn’t require company to be content. He didn’t require a relationship to feel fulfilled. He had his work, and being a Pro Hero is what Bakugou thrived on.

Bakugou rolled on to his back, hands twisting the sheets in frustration as the words tumbled out.

‘Eijirou wants that with me and giving him hope that it’s possible is cruel. I want him to be happy, and I don’t think he can be with me-’ His voice broke and Bakugou covered his face with a forearm.

Toga crawled on top of him, knees spread on either side of his chest. Bakugou tensed instinctually, uncovering his face to find hers hovered just above. She stroked his hair, slow and gentle.

‘What would you do if Kirishima was in danger?’ Toga asked.

‘Kill everyone.’ Bakugou replied without hesitation.

‘And if he came here in the middle of the night, in need of comfort, would you let him in?’ She continued, still stroking his hair.

‘Of course!’ Bakugou barked, offended that it was even a question.

‘That’s love. And it’s good enough.’

Bakugou felt his throat tighten. ‘I know I love him, and he knows I do too, but it’s not the type of love he deserves.’ He choked out.

‘That’s not for you to decide.’ Toga said firmly, cupping his face. ‘You don’t get to decide other people’s needs.’

Bakugou’s throat was too tight to respond. Toga continued, locking their eyes despite the darkness.

‘I love Ochoko, and Tsu-chan, and I would never let anyone hurt them. I’d cut that person to pieces.’ Her hand tightened slightly on his cheek as she spoke. ‘Is that the ‘right way’ to love someone? Society tells me ‘no’. But that’s my truth, that’s how I love.’

Toga leaned down to press their foreheads together.

‘All we know is violence. That’s how we were raised. I’m not saying that’s why you feel that way you do, but it doesn’t help. We weren’t taught to be tender.’

Bakugou didn’t desire to be a kindred spirit to Toga Himiko, but what she said struck a chord.

Toga kissed his nose and sat back up.

‘But that’s not who you are.’ She assured him, voice brightening. ‘I’ve watched you, Katsuki, for years now.’

‘Don’t use that name.’ Bakugou croaked out. Toga ignored him.

‘You’ve never failed to help someone in need, even if it was resentfully. You put your life on the line for strangers, which I do not understand.’ She muttered the last part before continuing.

‘Plus, you massively overpay on meals and tips.’ She giggled. ‘It’s very endearing.’

‘What the fuck does that have to do with love?’ Bakugou argued. He didn’t like how the heat of her body on his lap was waking him up in a different way.

‘It’s kindness, the type that doesn’t require words. The way you love is the same, no romance required! I think that’s pretty cool. You express through actions and the people around you can see that.’

The light reflected off her sharp teeth as Toga grinned.

‘I like that about you. Plus, when I reverted a little while ago you took care of me. You knew exactly what I needed. So, thanks for that!’

Bakugou felt the corner of his eyes sting. He put both his hands on Toga’s waist and rolled her to the side, eliciting a squeal with surprise. He rolled over with her and wrapped an arm firmly around her waist.

Toga made a delighted sound in her throat and scooted backwards to nestle closer, attaching her arms around his. They lay on the same pillow and Bakugou rested his forehead against the back of Toga’s head, her still damp hair cooling his skin.

He breathed in her hair, the naked skin of her neck close below. Because all his products were unscented there were no unnatural aromas on her. Just the scent of a woman. Bakugou breathed in deep once more and his body shuddered at the exhale.

‘Really?’ Toga said dryly, scooting away from his arousal.

Bakugou’s face burned as he muttered, ‘You smell good.’

He could sense Toga rolling her eyes as she directed, ‘Turn over.’

Bakugou did, relieved his face would be concealed lest his blush glowed through the darkness.

Toga nestled against his back, her arm wrapping him this time. She curved her body around his and settled on his pillow, face just close enough for Bakugou to feel the tickle of her breath on his neck.

This did not help the stiffness straining the fabric of his boxers.

She gave a last wiggle into place and announced, ‘Jet-pack.’

Bakugou snorted at the visual. The position was comfortable though and tension slowly seeped from his muscles.

When was the last time he had been held? Bakugou knew his lovers enjoyed it, citing the weight of his muscular arms as comforting. But it was always him holding them, when was the last time it had been the other way around?

Had it been…his parents?

They were a physically affectionate family. His parents visibly and shamelessly adored each other, which Bakugou always found revolting. But he’d loved being carried as a kid and had insisted on it until he was too heavy. Even during his prickly teenage years his mother had doggedly chased him down for a hug and his father patted him affectionately every time he got close enough.

When Bakugou became adult enough to admit he enjoyed his familial bonds they revived their relationship full force. He was fond of resting his chin on his mothers head to remind her that he’d surpassed her in height, and when they sat on the couch his father was always in the middle, with an arm around each of them. Romance didn’t have shit on those bonds.

Was Toga Himiko truly the first person to direct physical intimacy towards him rather than from?

Bakugou noticed his pillow felt cool against his cheek. He touched his face to find it wet. He was leaking tears. He hadn’t noticed them against his heated face, but now that he had, Bakugou sensed his throat constricting. His nose congested in a way unrelated to the punch he’d taken, but he refused to sniffle and make his condition obvious.

Toga tightened around him, brushing his wrist with her fingers. Bakugou met her hand with his and the pair laced their fingers loosely together as he battled a terrible mix of sexual arousal and emotional turmoil.

‘Want me to fix that?’ Toga offered. There was no need to elaborate.

‘No.’ Bakugou replied thickly. ‘Don’t move.’

A short time later Toga went slack around him, sound asleep. Her arm stayed securely around his waist and their fingers remained entwined. Bakugou’s arousal ebbed away, replaced by something both unfamiliar and unwanted. Sadness.

He rarely experienced true depression. Bakugou had mastered converting unwanted emotions into anger. But here he was, being held by a woman, and unable to think of anything but his own shortcomings.

-Moron.-

Bakugou pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. The tears had stopped and he rubbed away their remnants as best he could.

Toga was still, breathing soft and slow, the same way Ei or Momo did after intimacy. The sensation was radically different though, with her warmth and touch being around him rather than the other way around. It was so foreign Bakugou knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep.

He decided to do a meditative breathing exercise, the kind his therapist kept recommending for his anger. Bakugou stubbornly refused to use them, or had, until Toga started showing up. He’d become reliant on them over the past few months.

Bakugou cleared his mind as best he could and recalled the instructions. Breathe in, hold, let out slowly…again, breathe in, hold, and out…again, breathe in…

-

When Bakugou awoke he was alone. He rolled onto his back and pressed his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been the one left cold. Metaphorically. The sheets were still warm, if from her or just himself Bakugou could tell. Even on his back he could catch her scent.

He flung off the overly heavy covers and rose. Bakugou pulled on his robe and kicked on his slippers, feeling stupid about his disappointment. He sighed out harshly.

The next breath he took in was scented with food.

He flung open this bedroom door to find Toga in his kitchen, pulling steamy containers of food out of a paper bag. Several more empty bags were folded on the counter.

Toga noticed him and grinned.

‘Hey, sleepyhead!’ She called, before carrying the containers away.

Bakugou didn’t respond, walking silently through the kitchen to where Toga had stopped. His small dining table was covered corner to corner with food. It was a mixture of Japanese and American breakfast food.

‘There, that’s the last of it.’ Toga said, finding a place for the miso. She nodded approvingly at her work before returning to the kitchen, talking as she walked.

‘You only own, like, four plates, and they're really ugly. Also, I can’t find your damn chopsticks, so we’re using the wooden ones.’

Toga mistook Bakugou’s silence for disapproval and sighed.

‘Chill, I ordered this online. I used your name, your card, and had them leave it at the door.’ She explained patiently. ‘As far as anyone knows you just wanted enough breakfast for four people.’

Wordlessly, Bakugou returned to his room.

‘You’re welcome.’ Toga said snottily as he passed.

He retrieved his phone from the nightstand and checked the time. It was just before 05:00, meaning he’d gotten just over five hours of sleep. He’d pay for that later.

How early had Toga gotten up to have all this ready? How had he not heard the door? And what the fuck kind of restaurant cooked and delivered this kind of food at this hour?

Bakugou mulled over these questions as he pissed, brushed his teeth, and put in his hearing aid. He returned to the open living space just as the electric kettle clicked off. In the kitchen, Toga was going through the upper cabinets.

‘Hey, where’s your tea set? I can’t find-ah!’ She’d opened the correct door and started reaching inside. Bakugou caught her wrist before she could touch anything.

‘That’s a gift. Don’t touch it.’ He said, voice firm as his grip.

Toga glowered at him, but relented with an offended sniff. Bakugou released her arm then hip-checked her out of the way.

‘Outta my kitchen.’ He directed with a dismissive wave.

‘I see how grateful you are.’ Toga replied stiffly as she stalked off.

He smirked behind her back before setting to making tea. He took the set out of the cabinet one piece at the time. The tray came out last, and Bakugou carefully replaced every cup where it came from.

With ritual care he placed the leaves in the pot and added hot water. Bakugou watched the pot the entire time it steeped. Once ready, he poured them each a cup and carried them carefully to the table.

Toga had finished arranging the food, but was staring at the table, eyes wide in horror.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ Bakugou asked after placing the tea.

‘They forgot my eggs.’ She whispered shakily, sounding near tears.

Bakugou thought this reaction was stupidly over-dramatic but was wise enough not to say anything.

‘What kind?’ He asked.

‘Scrambled.’ Toga mumbled, wretched. ‘They go with my pancakes.’

‘I’ll make some.’ Bakugou said, walking back to the kitchen. Eggs were one of the few food items he always kept. He pulled out a frying pan and within minutes was sliding the eggs onto one of his ‘ugly’ plates. He handed the plate to Toga, who had been watching him from across the island the entire time. She spun in delight on her way back to the table.

Bakugou joined her and they gave thanks. The spread was exceptional and Bakugou wasn’t sure where to start. The aroma alone was overwhelming.

‘I didn’t know what you like, so I just got some of everything.’ Toga commented, starting in on a stack of pancakes.

Bakugou’s stomach awoke at the sight of her eating and he went at the food ravenously. It was exceptional, and he noted Toga had a way of tracking down good food.

During a mouthful he looked outside. It was still dark, no gray yet tickling the horizon. He paused to watch Toga eat. She was going at the spread as ravenously as he had. How desperate had she been to walk here?

-And to so boldly steal my credit card.- Bakugou contemplated darkly, though that mood didn’t last.

For all the complications Toga brought into his life, Bakugou couldn’t help being amused by her pure joy over a good breakfast. He hid his lips behind his chopsticks as she offered him more rice.

They finished at the same time, placing their chopsticks contentedly.

Toga hopped up from her seat.

‘Thanks for the meal! And dry clothes!’ Toga winked as she smoothed her outfit. Bakugou realized she must have retrieved it from the dryer at some point.

Without preamble Toga walked to the entryway of the condo and sat down. Bewildered, Bakugou rose and followed. He found her pulling on her shoes.

‘You’re leaving?’ Bakugou repeated the obvious.

‘Yea, I know you don’t like having me here.’ She answered, rising and kicking the toes of her left shoe to finish pushing it over her heel.

‘I didn’t say that.’

As they so often did around Toga, the words passed through Bakugou’s lips without permission. He quickly looked away, cheeks heating.

Toga gave him a wry smile, one canine protruding at the corner.

Bakugou almost said it. He watched her wrap her scarf around her neck, wetting his lips to make it easier for the words to emerge.

Why was it so hard this time? As Toga pulled on her coat Bakugou told himself over and over that this was the right thing to do. Don’t let this woman trudge through the snow again to hell knows where.

-Say it, idiot.-

As Bakugou opened his mouth to speak Toga leaned in and pressed her lips to his cheek.

‘Thanks, Bakugou.’ She whispered.

Fuck it, it was his turn now. He cupped her cheek with a hand and brought their lips together, deep and slow, communicating more than words ever could. Toga put her hand to his bare chest and Bakugou wrapped his other hand around her cold fingers. They shared several more kisses, each warm and lingering, before pulling back from one another. Bakugou’s breath was heavy.

‘Katsuki is fine.’ He said huskily.

Toga gave a wild smile and threw herself around his neck, bringing them together again. Katsuki wrapped both arms around her waist, locking them together. Toga giggled in his ear as she nuzzled his cheek. He didn’t know what these exchanges meant, only that in that moment it was all he wanted in the world.

He’d been craving this pointless passion since that first time they’d come together, all that time ago.

Toga finished with her signature peck to his nose and pulled away, backing towards the door.

-Stay.-

He came so close to saying it but Toga spoke first again.

‘See you later, Katsuki!’

Katsuki grinned, he couldn’t help himself.

‘Try texting first next time, Himiko, you pest.’ He pointed at his hip, indicating Toga to check her pocket. She did, and found the post-it note he’d written his cellphone number on.

‘Memorize that quick and get rid of the evidence.’ Katsuki warned.

Toga lit up, giving him a wicked grin followed by a sharp wink.

Then she was gone, the door shutting soundlessly behind her.

Katsuki’s own grin faded, mood darkening. Once again, he’d failed to say something important. He’d be dwelling on that the rest of the day…

Needing to occupy his hands, he decided to clean up the kitchen. It wouldn’t take long, most of the containers were disposable, and the mess would irk him until it was gone. Katsuki shoved his hands in his pockets and headed sullenly towards the table when an unnaturally bright color caught his attention.

Something paper was on the table that held his grenade gauntlets, slipped underneath the edge of their cradle.

-Of all the things in my house to absolutely not fucking touch!-

Katsuki flared, fully ready to launch off his balcony and track Toga down had she put so much as a smudge on them. He snatched the paper and examined it furiously.

It was roughly the size of a postcard and made of stiff pink card-stock. On it were glued the pictures Toga had taken of them that night at the ramen shop. She had framed each of their images with a thick red heart she had expertly carved out of the same type of paper. Underneath, in flowy script, she had penned ‘Friends Forever’, with a couple cute flowers drawn on either side of the letters.

Katsuki’s fingers traced his cheek where her lips had just been and he didn’t fight the grin spreading over his face. He shook his head and scoffed at the childishness of the card.

He couldn’t imagine what she was thinking, it wasn’t like he could frame it to put on his wall or something. This was incriminating evidence, there was no way he could keep it.

Running his hands through his hair, Katsuki headed into his bedroom to stash Toga’s little gift somewhere no one else would find it, lips still crooked with a smile.

.
.
.

That morning was the last time he saw her alive.