Chapter Text
50 years, her home of 50 years just collapsed in on itself in front of her. She had lost count of the number of ways she was afraid she could lose her home, men coming to take them away, having to quickly bundle up her children in the middle of the night and throwing a few of their possessions in a bag before fleeing. She is pretty sure she never imagined it like this, plaster and broken wood, dust in the air.
Somewhere very far away she is aware of a hand on her elbow, soothing words, someone is leading her somewhere but she doesn’t know who or where. She looks around at the wreckage and hears Pepa calling out to Julieta for help, even in her state of shock her ears are always tuned to her children’s cries of distress, to her shame she still feels too shocked to bring herself to investigate. She doesn’t know if Pepa is hurt or someone else but whatever Pepa needs Julieta can handle it, her reliable little girl.
Whoever is touching her helps her sit down on a piece of the rubble, as soon as she is settled she finally looks up and makes eye contact with Dolores, she puts a hand on Alma’s shoulder and tells her she will be right back. Before she has time to fully process the words or begin to think of something to say back her granddaughter is already walking away to help. Help, help sort through the remains of their Casita, the place her children grew up, the only home her children and grandchildren have ever known.
She should get up and help, people keep walking past her, she is trying to pay attention to what they are all doing and saying but it is like her thoughts are more real than the world around her, maybe this is just a nightmare. She will wake up in the morning and her daughter will make all her favorites for breakfast and she will go out on a walk with Isabela.
Then she heard Julieta’s shout, “Mirabel! Where’s Mirabel? Where is she? Mirabel!” With sickening suddenness reality felt real again. Mirabel! She had still been in the house when it fell! She is buried under rubble right now and Alma is just sitting here! What kind of grandmother is she?! Where did Alma go so wrong that Mirabel thought she had to risk her life running into a collapsing building, as if Alma wouldn’t rather have her safe. What was that girl thinking? Doesn’t she know she can’t lose her like she lost Pedro and Bruno!
She stands and approaches the nearest person, explains to the man she needs him to assemble a team to begin digging Mirabel out but he interrupts her. In a tone of voice like he is trying to calm a panicking person he explains how Mirabel was unhurt, she had been right over there for the first few minutes but at some point she left when no one was paying attention to her. The way he was speaking to her made her angry, he sounded like he was trying to calm her down but this was no time to be calm! Her granddaughter was missing! No, worse, she had run away, left voluntarily like Bruno.
She will never forgive Mirabel if she gets hurt because of her stupid decision to leave, just like she will never forgive Bruno. One morning his door was dark and she will never know how he died. Mirabel must be found. As everyone began organizing a search party Julieta managed to convince Alma to stay here, she wanted to be out there but she is willing to admit this is where she would be most useful, organizing everyone else so they can find her as quickly as possible.
After everyone leaves she has too much time alone to think. The house collapsed because she fought with Mirabel. At the time she was so angry, sure that Mirabel was taking out her jealousy about not having a gift by trying to ruin the miracle just like she tried to ruin Antonio’s ceremony. Was this Alma’s fault, would the candle not have gone out if she had really listened to what mirabel was saying?
“The miracle is dying because of you” it had hurt her in the worst possible way. But what did she mean by that? Was she just lashing out? Saying her worst fears out loud just to hurt her or did Mirabel know something she didn’t?
“Bruno left our family because you only saw the worst in him.” Was that true? Did he leave because of her? Sure she had to remind Bruno every once in a while about his responsibilities to the family but that doesn’t mean she only saw the worst in him. She can’t be responsible for Bruno leaving, she couldn’t live with herself otherwise.
“I will never be good enough for you” at the time Alma had been too angry to have any sympathy for her but looking back on it she can’t help but wonder what she did to make Mirabel feel that way. Of course she is good enough, of course Luisa is strong enough, of course Isabela is perfect enough she loves all her grandchildren. What could she have done differently to make them realize how loved they all are? Should she have said it, she thought it went without saying. Should she have hugged them more?
That thought makes her stop in her mental tracks. When was the last time she hugged Mirabel? She can’t remember. Did she stop hugging her at some point without realizing? She rarely hugs her other grandchildren but she does sometimes. Like when she notices Luisa working extra hard, “Mirabel and I were having this little talk about me carrying too much” or when Isabela said she wanted to marry Mariano “He would be a perfect match for you Isa, so good for the encanto” wait… did Isabela ever actually say she wanted to marry him? “She needed me to ruin her proposal. And then we did all this! And the candle burned brighter!” Was that why the miracle was dying? Were Isabela and Luisa not happy?
She fell to her knees as it hit her, she suddenly saw it all slide into place like very simple puzzle pieces she had been too blind to see before. She was given a miracle, a second chance, and she was so afraid to lose it that she lost sight of who the miracle was for. She was so desperate to protect the miracle, to protect her family that at some point she started to care more about the miracle itself but the real miracle is her family.