Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Oh, Jayfeather. I wish you honestly would love me so much.

Kestrelflight looked at his Jayfeather posters, he loved Jayfeather sooooo much!

There was one problem: how could he confess to Jayfeather? Every single day, it got harder to confess to Jayfeather.

”Kestrelflight?” Kestrelflight STARED and deadass took down the Jayfeather posters before whoever that was walked in, “Y-yes???”

He sighed, it was just that Emo Dad- Crowfeather. “I NEED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THE HALF MOON WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS IS TODAY.” Kestrelflight gasped, he could confess to Jayfeather!

”UWAAAAAAAA~~” Kestrelflight moaned, causing Crowfeather to back out disturbed.

“Oh~~ Jayfeather-sama… KYAAAAAAAAAAA~~” Kestrelflight couldn’t understand his emotions as he was turned the hell on.

”Kestrelflight aren’t you supposed to be gone by now?” Asked Onestar, that petty moron. Kestrelflight ran out of there.

As he caught up to the medicine cats, he saw Jayfeather wasn’t there, which was so sad :(

Suddenly, he felt something hurt his heart, oh no!!

”Oh, hey Kestrelflight.” Said Mothwing.

Kestrelflight cried for no reason, causing everybody else to cry for no reason.

”W-where’s J-Jayfeather-sama??” He asked, “He’s out sick so he stayed.” Kestrelflight tried to not growl.

It was Alderheart, that one cat Jayfeather paid attention to the most- Wait what? These two are cousins.

”Oh, okay >:(“ Kestrelflight huffed but they were at the Moonpool.

Cue the lame thing they do touching the moonpool ahfk chi bms….

”Hey Kestrelflight.” Barkface said, “H-hi Barkface..”

Barkface spit out a flower. “W-what d-does this mean?” Kestrelflight asked,

”Congratulations you flea pelt. The flower that blooms from love becomes a tortured flower of death and blah blah blah.”

Kestrelflight didn’t understand not even the slightest thing Barkface said, but the dream ended uwu.

”Okay so what did you guys receive from your hellish dreams?” Mothwing asked, “W-well Barkface told me something about a flower uwu”

Everybody looked confused, “What?”

”He said that flower that blooms from love uwuwuwuwu blah blah blah” Kestrelflight answered.

”Let’s just go home” Everybody was disturbed about whatever the hell that dream was, so they headed home.

Once again Kestrelflight found himself looking at the Jayfeather poster, “If only u luv me-“ Then e coughed out a flower

”Ohmaigawd what?” Kestrelflight coughed out some more flowers cutely.

Onestar walked in, “SHUT UP-“ He gasped, he saw the Jayfeather poster!!!! KESTRELFLIGHT KNEW WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN NOW.

So he got out a chainsaw and beheaded Onestar with it and stared at the poster once more

”Don’t worry my- *coughs up flower cutely* snepai, I will own u as mines” Kestrelflight said.

Then he went to sleep, dreaming of marrying Jayfeather uwu 

Chapter Text

I grunted, that was so cringe as HELL.

So I went onto Archive of our Own, and needed to contact my Psued, Suubii.

”Psst, Suubii.” I said, “What is it qubbis” Suubii asked.

”Let’s go kill Kestrelflight.” Suubii nodded.

Kestrelflight woke up, and nothing will get him down.

Kestrelflight saw so many flowers under his paws, some bloodied cutely.

”Jayfeather will love these flowers uwu.” Kestrelflight got up and went to collect herbs because of a fucking shortage that I cannot explain, okay?

When he found some herbs, he found Jayfeather-sama, and ran up to him so fast not even he could process it.

”H-hi Jayfeather” He said, trying to leave out the sama part.

”What do you want now?” He grumbled, “Y-y-your love”

”Back off!” Jayfeather pushed past him, “B-b-but-“

You’ve been hijacked by the Author! Nyahahahahahhahaaaaaa!

”Just act normal and don’t say anything out of place, OKAYYYYYYYY?”

Suubii nodded, “We gotta hunt down this Simp before he can cause damage!”

”Excuse me, where is your leader- SWEET NEPTUNE WHAT THE FU-“

The two Authors saw Onestar’s headless body, but nobody seemed to care much.

”Yeah but the thing is Kestrelflight is missing, but I notice a lot of flowers here, kinda sus isn’t it?” Crowfeather asked.

”Well I guess I’ll just leave, haha.”

We ran off towards Thunderclan, starting the cliche “BeTtEr wAiT fOr aN pAtRoL tO pIcK uS uP tO sTaRt ThE pLoT fOr ReAl”

”WHAT R U DOING ON THUNDACLAN TERRITOREH?” Asked Lionblaze, “We’re here to join, DUH.” So we went into Protagonistclan and talked to TerribleTigerstarClonestar.

”Okeh but who are yer guys?” Bramblescramble asked. “The Authors, hun.”

”WAIT, THE ERINS? OMG OMG!!” Causing everyone to surround us, “No the authors of this fanfic.” Everybody groaned in sadness.

”I’m qubbis and this is Suubii.” I replied “Oh you guys.” Then we got a pass and we joined lololol ugh.

Kestrelflight followed Jayfeather to Protagonistclan like a stalker,  but he was stalking him. Suddenly Kestrelflight coughed so loud the prey in the territories of the Cland went into legit hiding as Kestrelflight threw up sooo many flowers.

Jaybae looked and noticed flowers at his paws, “Oh great, he’s producing flowers.” Kestrelflight barfed even more flowers, causing the Authors to gasp in disgust.

”I’m sorry!!!” Kestrelflight ran bacc to Windclan, not noticing the fact the Authors were folllowong him.

”There you are! Take me to get my non lives!” Hare spring yelled. But suddenly Onestar’s head attaches and he gots up. “Wow, I didn’t know you simp for Jayfeather.”

Kestrelflight screamed so loud he couldn’t notice two cats coming up behind him

Then he threw up some 🌸 rather violently. “Kids book.”

We ran back to Protagonistclan, that was the most weirdest thing I’ve ever saw.

“Wasn’t he suffering from Hanahaki?” I asked,

”Hana what?” Everybody asked,

“Never mind, I’m bored.”

This chapter has ended. Please come back later for we are I solving some problems.