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He hadn’t been in a situation where his recon skills were useful since he had become his legion’s captain, but there was a time and place for everything.
Though he hadn’t told anyone else, Rex had tasked himself with watching over Saw like a hawk that day. The jaig eyes on his helmet weren’t just decorative, after all.
It was funny in a way, how the one time Rex needed his ARC training after his promotion, it wasn’t for some incredibly important mission… even if he viewed it as one.
Ever since Steela died, everyone at the rebel base had seemed to take on a melancholic mood. The air was thick with tension, but no one had really addressed it. However, while there were obviously slight variations from person to person, most people's reactions were normal enough.
Saw though, was always occupied with whatever needed to be done around the base. It was bizarre to say the least. Rex couldn’t recall a time in the past week when he’d caught Saw engaged in anything non-work related. “Engaged” was actually not an accurate term. In between chores he would often linger in one spot for a bit too long.
Aside from necessary brief interactions, Saw hadn’t talked to anyone either; it certainly didn’t help that everyone was walking on eggshells with him. When anyone would try to get close he would claim that he was busy or simply brush them off.
Around the same time every afternoon, he would just disappear entirely, not to be seen until the next morning. He never looked well rested though. It was almost like he was a ghost in limbo, continuing to live but only as a husk of his former self. That wouldn’t do.
This day was no different. Right before the sun rose, Saw wasn’t in his tent or even somewhere in the camp. Rex searched for him after grabbing a satchel with supplies but couldn’t find anything. Maybe an hour later he just… appeared in the garden.
He didn’t talk to his plants or even check their leaves for pests as he watered them. He dug holes in the soil but didn’t tap them as many times as he normally would with his shovel once they were filled with seeds.
At some point he started to count on his fingers, mumbling something to himself before returning to his work. He stayed in the garden for hours, only leaving to walk back into his tent.
From there, he emerged with a few sheets of paper attached to a clipboard. Walking around the camp, he wrote things down, evading people as he went. His pace was more sluggish than normal, and he frequently stumbled over pebbles.
Once satisfied with his writings, Saw returned to the garden, where he remained for another few hours. He wasn’t productive like he was in the morning, just staring at flowering produce.
It was almost time. It hadn’t been apparent at first, but the base’s layout was perfect for people to slip in and out at certain points. Saw slipped into the surrounding jungle.
After waiting about three minutes, Rex followed him. That sector was in the middle of one of its drier seasons, but the jungle’s floor was thankfully still moist enough for depressions to form.
Rex walked alongside the ones matching Saw’s shoe size. But after a few clicks, they suddenly stopped. Although Rex had intended on keeping his distance, the amount of distance between the two was not ideal anymore.
The last of the prints were next to one of the trees. Rex thought to himself, cupping his ears. Focusing on any unusual sounds, he heard leaves crackling and the ambient humming of fauna.
The leaves seemed promising at first until he considered how the crunching noises weren’t long or crisp enough to be a person. What noises would blend in the most here? Turning his attention to the sounds above him, Rex closed his eyes.
Birds and insects buzzed past the trees. Other creatures crawled through the branches, rustling the leaves. The rustling… there was too much of it going uphill. Anything that lived in such an environment would be too light to make that much noise at such a pace. Quieting his steps, Rex chased it.
Nearly an hour into the pursuit, the jungle grew louder, making it impossible to simply rely on the leaves. It was a good cloaking device. Despite Saw being seemingly hell bent on remaining undiscovered, Rex was intent on not letting him slip through his fingers again no matter what guerilla tactics he used.
Looking up at the canopy, Rex noticed strange shadow movements in between the layers of vegetation. Again, he pursued it, moving closer to the ground for more stealth. He was losing light quickly.
The more he concentrated on the shadows, the more he could weed out the sounds of wood creakily bending from the myriad of other noises.
As Rex walked, he noticed that the foliage had gradually thinned out to the point of just being shrubbery. Saw was nowhere to be found, but the soil depressions were back. Rex stifled a sigh of relief. He could finally think about things unrelated to the hunt.
When was the last time Saw had any water? What if he were to pass out from exhaustion after fasting for so long? He wouldn’t normally put himself in such a situation, but he wasn’t himself. Even though ruminating wouldn’t accomplish anything, Rex could have drowned in the sea of possibilities.
He’d gotten this far, right? Prael had gone down. The further uphill he climbed, the more barren the ground became, looking closer to rock than dirt. Saw’s trail had grown cold, and… there were tiny droplets of something shiny on the ground, a few meters apart in length. It was blood. At such a high elevation, the only animals around had protective scales.
Rex looked around at his surroundings frantically. He bolted, leaping over clusters of boulders that dared to stand in his way. He had to reach the top of the highlands. It all made sense. How could he have been so inattentive?
His lungs ached, and his heart wanted to beat out of his chest from the prolonged sprinting, but Rex wouldn’t let himself slow down- he couldn’t. The terrain had evened out. Rounding jagged corners of sediment, he had finally arrived.
A familiar silhouette overlooked the rocky landscape. Slowly, Rex approached it; it was unmistakably Saw. Only his heels stopped him from plummeting to his death as the wind swayed his body.
“What the hell are you doing?!” Rex shouted, hoping that his call was loud enough to break through to the other. Whipping his head around and pivoting, Saw turned to face Rex. The skin on his lower lip was bloodied and broken.
“What the hell are you doing?” Leaning forward, Saw threw his hands in the air as if he were in disbelief. “So you’re just following me now?” His voice was hoarse.
“You’ve been avoiding people all week, and now you’re doing… whatever this is.” Rex skimmed over the cliff’s rocks for any more information. “Is this what you’re doing when no one can find you for hours each night?” The question was rhetorical; the answer was obvious enough.
“What I do in my spare time is none of your business,” Saw said bluntly, turning back around, folding his arms.
“Don’t just ignore me like that.” Rex hurriedly walked towards Saw, quickening his pace the closer he got. Stopping far enough behind him to keep a level of distance, Rex reached for Saw’s shoulder.
Tightly gripping it, Rex twisted the other around to look at him. Rex lowered his head, looking at the rock underneath them, searching for the right words.
Every single carefully selected word vanished from his mind when he felt fabric slipping away from his fingers.
He furrowed his brow, trying to bolt his jaws shut. “You lead all of the people back at base, for gods’ sake! I get it: you need some space right now; that’s fine. But you can’t just run off like this!” Stepping away from Saw, Rex firmly planted his feet on the ground and puffed out his chest. “I won’t let you.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean? It isn’t like I’m not getting things done,” he rolled his eyes, but even under the cold moonlight they looked bloodshot. “I don’t need your advice, Rex.”
“No, but you need to sleep, to eat… to rest.” His demeanor softened. “Everyone is, I’m really worried about you. This isn’t healthy.”
“What makes you think that you can just tell me how to live my life? Oh, boohoo, the captain isn’t in charge for once- don’t patronize me.” Saw exploded, rapidly waving his hand in condemnation.
“I’m not telling you to do anything, but I’ve seen this before, and I can’t have you repeating my mistakes.”
“Just stop- if you want to throw me a pity party, do it on your own time,” Saw scoffed. “I don’t care where, just go away and don’t come back.” Rex was taken aback; the words stung more than he had anticipated. Ever stubborn though, he stood still.
“You won’t get rid of me that easily, not when you were about to-”
“Why can’t you just lea-?!”
“Because I love you, Saw!” Rex shouted. He held his hands to his chest as if he could somehow take out a part of his heart and give it to Saw, his eyes tearing up. “And it hurts to see you like this.” His shoulders fell.
Neither of them had to say anything.
Not moving his head, Saw looked behind him, eventually shifting his gaze back to Rex, blinking slowly. He walked back towards the edge, sitting down and pulling his knees in towards himself.
Rex joined him, extending one leg out while propping the other up, draping his arm over it. Setting his satchel aside, he looked at Saw. The moons’ lighting gave his face a bluish tint, and the wind only pulled locs hair closer to the sky. In any other situation it would have been beautifully ethereal.
Realizing what he was doing, Rex stopped staring. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have just said that. It was impulsive, just a dumb spur of the moment thing, and I,” he cut himself off, quickly exhaling. “I’m gonna go ahead and shut up now.”
“You’re fine… calm down.” Saw looked out at the plateaus and buttes across from them, tiny grains of rock glistening in between the layers of sediment. “Acting isn’t exactly your strong suit.”
“No, I guess not.” Leaning back, Rex looked at the sky. “Can I tell you a story?”
“Go ahead.”
“Before I came here, I led a campaign on Umbara. Our general… a different one, thought that we clones didn’t deserve to exist. But we followed every order to the letter.” Rex paused. “A few of my brothers though… They stole some starfighters to destroy a supply ship.”
Even though he was still looking at the landscape, Saw seemed to be present in the moment. “Only two of the three came back, but they told me what the other one said. ‘Live to fight another day’ I think. So that’s what I do… for all my brothers.”
Rex gestured to the stars. “The ones who didn’t make it- I like to think that they’re all in the manda now.”
“Rex, I’ve been fighting for so long, and I… I just can’t anymore.” While the darkness could obscure smaller details, the bags under Saw’s eyes were currently his most notable feature. “Living is already too much now. I‘m tired and just so… done.” He sighed.
“Don’t say that… you’re doing what you can. And if that’s not enough, ask for help. I know it’s hard to accept, but everyone wants to do what’s best for you. Let them.”
“Of course you can say that. You still have your brothers, your generals, your commander,” Saw clenched his fist, digging his nails into the skin of his palm. “My people see me as this kind of… figure, a pillar almost, and of course I care about them.”
He spoke faster with each subsequent word. “But it’s like I’m not even a person to them sometimes… I don’t have anyone, not in the way that you d-” Before Saw could even finish his sentence, Rex swiftly leaned over and wrapped his arms around Saw, crushing him in a warm embrace with no signs of letting go.
“You have me… and I won’t let you go through this alone.” Shocked, Saw remained still as he held his breath. When he no longer could, all of the physical tension he had accumulated over the week dissipated as he gradually melted into Rex’s arms.
Letting his head rest on Rex’s shoulder, Saw finally let himself cry, his tears staining the thick fabric underneath him. He was quiet except for the occasional sniffle.
The wind whistled, blowing light gusts of cool air onto the pair. Slowly releasing Saw from his embrace, Rex stood up with a sigh. But as soon as he left Saw, he returned.
Tightly wrapping his arms around Saw’s waist from behind, Rex shielded him from the wind with his back. Leaning closer, he nuzzled his head against Saw’s neck, making sure Saw felt his own tears.
Exhaling through his nose first, Rex quietly laughed to himself. “Look at me. You just lost your sister, and somehow I’m the one crying. And for the second time today too.”
“You’re such a drama king.” Saw’s voice seemed strained. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah… but you know what would make me feel better?” For a moment, only the wind answered the question.
“What?”
“Knowing what you need from me.” Rex paused. “I’d love that more than anything right now.” Even though Saw wasn’t facing Rex, he could picture the bittersweet sincerity of his expression.
“Shut up, you sap.” Saw grabbed Rex’s hand lightly, moving it to their sides.
“Telling someone who’s crying to shut up… and after I’ve been such a gentleman, too?” Speaking in a pitch higher than what was normal for him, Rex’s voice shook. “How could you be so mean?” So obviously feigning anguish, he sniffled.
“You’re being stupid,” Saw said with a hint of amusement in voice.
“So now I’m a stupid, sappy drama king? If that’s how you see me, I guess it can’t be helped.” Rex sighed, enjoying the odd serenity that came afterwards.
“I understand what you’re trying to do.”
“I know.” Frowning, Rex let go of Saw’s hand, returning his arm to its previous position. He settled for a slight increase in pressure instead of a more appealing, bone crushing squeeze.
“Thank you.”
“Of course. If you’re not sure what to do yet, just let me be your little distraction for now.” For a moment, time stood still for them both, the wind seeming to move around the pair lest it disturb their tranquility.
“I know what I should do.” Slipping out of Rex’s hold, Saw inched forward. Drawing one leg towards his torso, he wrapped his arm around it. Perpendicular to it lay his other leg upon which he rested a tight fist. “I’m going to give Steela a proper burial.”
Saw’s fist shook. “She deserved better,” he trailed off, looking down. “But I can at least do this for her.”
Wasting no time at all, Rex swung himself around to face Saw once more, placing his hand on Saw’s quivering forearm.
“Look at me. You were a good brother; I witnessed it firsthand.”
“I failed her. I was supposed to keep her safe, and this is what happened. When she needed me… I wasn’t there for her.” Both were silent for longer than was comfortable for either person.
“That feeling- it doesn’t go away. And you can try to rationalize it all you want, but it’ll always be in the back of your mind.” Rex shook his head. “All you can, all I’ve done… is try to learn from my mistakes and not let it take over my life.”
Slowly, Saw lifted his head. What he needed wasn’t another kind of distraction. “Hey, breathe with me for a bit, okay? In for four, hold for seven, and out for eight.” Saw nodded, lowering his raised leg to the ground. Though it wasn’t mentioned, they both closed their eyes.
Their lungs filled with air, expanding their chest cavities. The cold air stung, but it was oddly refreshing. It became warmer as they held their breath, the coolness sinking down into their bodies. As they exhaled, Saw gradually relaxed his fist. Over time their respective counts ceased to match, but it didn’t matter.
The two repeated the process a few more times until satisfied, opening their eyes when done. “Here,” reaching into his satchel, Rex pulled out a canteen. “Drink some; it’s water.”
Taking the offering, Saw drank as if he had traversed all of Tatooine’s deserts without running into a single oasis. “I should’ve asked this earlier, but when was the last time you got some sleep?”
“I… I don’t know.” More despondent than anything now, Saw folded arms. “My perception of time is weird right now.”
“That’s okay. First thing tomorrow you come back here on Jintera after you’ve rested. If you want me to come with you, I’ll stop whatever I’m doing. How does that sound?”
“Yeah, I can do that.” Saw took a short breath. Leaning forward onto the balls of his feet, he pushed his hands against the ground and moved into a squatting position. “I think I’m ready to go back.”
Rex stood up, blocking out the moons’ light. It bounced off of his body, creating a silvery periwinkle outline around him to contrast the night’s veil of obscurity. Bending his knees, he extended his hand towards Saw.
Looking up, Saw lingered for a few seconds before allowing himself to be pulled up onto his feet. He stumbled slightly; his coordination had been deteriorating without sufficient sleep and nourishment.
“You know what?” Rex asked with a twinge of playfulness. “I can carry you back if you're up for it. It’s a decent trip, so you’d have time for a nap.”
“You can’t be serious. There’s no way that could ever be comfortable.” Saw squinted, but Rex shrugged it off, smirking.
“My armor alone weighs about forty kilos; don’t worry about me.”
“What, did you miss having me in your arms or something?”
“Yes,” he said with a straight face despite previous blithe attitude, grabbing his satchel and putting his arm through the strap. “I won’t let anyone see you.”
“Alright, why not? Let’s do it.”
Sweeping Saw off his feet, Rex held him close, supporting his back and legs. Together, they walked away from the cliff’s edge.
“Rex?”
“Hm?”
“I love you too.”
That night Saw slept soundly for the first time in a long, long time.