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’This Romeo is bleeding, but you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings that this old dog kicked up’
Luka walked away with his head down, this was the end, the end of the first relationship he’d had in his sixteen years of life and he knew he still loved her and that he would continue too. How could he not? She was perfect.He knew with every bone in his body that they could be good together, that there could be a future, but she was the one to end it. Fighting it would only be a continuing action to torture himself.
She’d called him ‘Adrien’ multiple times.
She still kept his pictures in her room.
She was hiding the truth from him, but that still didn’t stop him from wanting to be with her.
His heart was torn to shreds. The pain was one he’d never experienced before, and one he would hate to rehash. The severe sense of someone stabbing him in the heart and twisting the knife embedding it deeper and deeper, making sure he felt every last inch.
He needed to control himself, he couldn’t get akumatized again today, that wouldn’t be fair on Ladybug and Chat Noir. He’d already caused them one problem for the day.
He was stupid to believe she could be with him fully when obviously Adrien was still holding a large chuck of her heart, but somehow thought he held a bigger part himself. Whatever it was that Adrien held over her was more than a first love, and he knew until that passed she wouldn’t let him go.
But it would pass, he was sure. It was only a first love after all.
After she’d arrived home from New York, something was different with her, and although she seemed to be busy all the time she agreed to try and date him. To try something. So they had started ‘seeing’ each other. Nothing was official but he was hoping they could be eventually. They’d been on five dates when it ended. He saw it coming yet ignored the signs in the hope she would stay with him.
He selfishly told her he’d be waiting for her, but what was he waiting for? She didn’t want to be with him. She made it clear it couldn’t work, she wanted to break up and she was hiding. She didn’t want him to know, that was obvious and could he actually be with someone who couldn’t trust him?
So maybe, just maybe, Marinette didn’t love him the same way back.
’It's been raining since you left me. Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see, I've always been a fighter but without you, I give up.’
The next weeks were excruciating.
It was obvious she was avoiding him at all costs. He hadn’t messaged her, he had to hold back. He wanted to tell her he loved her, that he was hers if she wanted him, but he stopped himself. It wouldn’t be far to put her in the position where he knew she would find it hard to deny him, plus he wanted her friendship. He craved it.
At first he thought she was as depressed about the break up as he was. His sister and Rose had mentioned she wasn’t hanging out with them anymore. She was temperamental and touchy, and snapped at everyone.
Juleka had told him she didn’t look well, like she wasn’t sleeping, that she wasn’t looking out for herself as much as before. Though her appearance hadn’t changed, her demeanour had.
He wanted to see her, to let her know he was there … still waiting. He couldn’t move on, he wouldn’t move on, not yet. This was just a blip, an obvious blip where she was scared to let go of Adrien and move on without him.
She liked him, he knew that, but did she love him? He had no doubt that if she just let go she could.
Then the next week was worse.
He still wasn’t functioning properly, but she was happy again. Well, there was still something unusual, but the passing times he’d seen her she was a lot more put together. He was slowly getting worse yet she was getting better.
He couldn’t stop thinking about her, about what they could have been, about their almost kiss at the cinema which she bolted from. Was the thought of kissing him that bad?
She couldn’t even stay to watch a movie with him. They’d made it through one successful movie trip, one only as friends and although she clung to him in the scary scenes, she’d slept pretty much through the entirety of the movie.
How could she move on when they had history over their short time? A whole abundance of could be’s and never been’s.
He’d heard about the incident at the swimming pool, and that hurt. She’d always denied the relationship failure had anything to do with Adrien, yet to find out through his sister that she was ‘in love’ with Adrien still, it hurt. He couldn’t deny it. The knife in his chest twisting three, four, five times more, embedding itself deeper into his most sensitive part. It had only taken her a short time to go back to where she denied her heart lay.
What hurt the most though? The fact she was ignoring him. Blatantly ignoring him. He needed to speak to her again, he was drowning without her in his life. She was a ray of sunshine, a hope for the future … but now? His future was dull.
’I can't sing a love song like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore but baby, that's just me’
They made up.
Finally she was speaking to him again.
‘I’m sorry’s’ were spoken as Marinette admitted the truth to avoiding him. She thought he was still in love with her … and she was right. He was hopelessly, head over heels, still in love with her. He knew she’d closed that door though, firmly and with a deadbolt. He asked her about Adrien again, but she still denied, every time, though, the denial was weakening. More of a head turn than an outright ‘no’. She loved Adrien, and the knife twisted another couple of times.
First loves were painful, but even more so when they had never really started.
They sat on a box looking out over their friends as they celebrated his and his twin sisters birthday, she wouldn’t look at him until he told her that not seeing her was a problem, one he didn’t know he needed to rectify until she started her one man game of hide and seek.
“Friends?” she’d asked him to be friends. He knew it was hard to live without her in his life and he couldn’t bear it. So he agreed, if that was all she was willing to give then he’d take it. After all, something was better than nothing.
Right?
’Now your pictures that you left behind are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry, one that made you have to say goodbye’
Finally it all clicked.
It … just … clicked.
The cancelled dates, the terrible excuses that he never questioned, the fact that no matter what he did it always came back to Adrien, it made sense now.
Everything made sense.
The clouds were suddenly parting, allowing him to see the sun through the clouds again. There was a reason she did everything she had done, a reason greater than what he’d ever known or even considered and the knife in his heart began to loosen, working its way out of his heart and the healing process began.
It had been a hard day.
He flopped backwards onto his bed grabbing the latest magazine with the heroes on the cover. The heroes who were his friends, the one hero in a dotted mask, his ex-’almost’ girlfriend and the love of his life, standing beside her own.
If he needed a reality check, today would have been it. To see them unmasked and truly for who they are told him one thing … he was fighting a losing battle. Even if Marinette did come back to him it would be short lived, Adrien, or should he say Chat Noir, would always be her number one, her pride of place even if she didn’t know it and who was he to stand in the way of two of the greatest people he’d ever met, in and out of the masks.
He didn’t know her at all.
He thought he’d pinned down this sweet, clumsy yet adorable girl. One of who could blush with the snap of fingers and who would never do anything out of line. He saw her as a victim, as a prey, not a hero and a predator. Of a fierce cyclone of power that protected him on occasion after occasion. He had no right being with her, he couldn’t even place himself in the same league as her.
He grabbed a picture from the drawer beside his bed and held it up in front of his face. He placed the picture of himself and Marinette against the spread of Ladybug and Chat Noir. He looked good with Marinette, they complimented each other well, but Adrien just … Well, he was made for her. The perfect combination of colours to stand opposite yet together, and he felt sick. He felt so sick he ended up racing to the toilets and vomiting.
Marinette was Ladybug … he now knew the reason she said goodbye.
’What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair, to touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers, try to understand, I've made mistakes, I'm just a man’
He’d blown it.
This was the moment he could have made her trust him, made her see things his way, but he didn’t. He stood there in absolute silence and let the celestial guardian threaten her when he could have been a protector, a helper. Adrien would never have allowed that to happen, if the videos on the Ladyblog were anything to go by then Chat Noir had fought Su Han once before. On a rooftop, in defence of his lady.
Adrien would do anything to stand up for her, so why couldn’t he?
He was scared, there would be no point in lying about it now. He was terrified. If and when she found out he knew it would not be good, and the fact Shadowmoth could akumatize him again at any point put him on edge. He’d made a mistake, a big mistake and all he could do was pray she would eventually forgive him.
He’d handed the Miraculous back to Ladybug and it was on the tip of his tongue.
“I know you … I know about who you are.”
But he didn’t, he smiled at Marinette/Ladybug and handed the bracelet back, congratulating her once again on a successful job. Thanking her and Chat Noir for once again saving the day.
He loved her and he’d lied to her, time and time again. When did it go past the point of making a mistake to just blatantly holding back the truth for his own gain? Marinette hated liars. Everybody knew that! She was honest and truthful … his thoughts abruptly came to a halt.
She was the biggest liar he knew. Holding this secret from so many for so long. He had no right to be mad at himself when she was told lie after lie after lie. Was her lie different though? Yes. He had no right to be angry at what she was doing. He had no right at all.
He finally made it home to the boat and collapsed on a deck chair looking up into the light polluted air. He wasn’t even sure anymore why he hadn’t told her? Was it so he had a little piece of her no one else did? Or was it the thrill of him knowing and Adrien not? No, he wasn’t like that. The truth was he was trying to keep her safe, and him telling her he knew their identities wouldn’t help anyone.
But he knew her. Yes she would be upset for him not telling him he knew hers, but Marinette was selfless, and he’d put her Kitty in danger. He didn’t know if she would ever forgive him for that.
’
When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear, I wish I was him, with these words of mine
To say to you 'til the end of time.’
The green forcefield in the sky was mesmerising, and not in a good way.
She’d lost! Marinette/Ladybug had lost and he couldn’t help but feel partially responsible. Had his actions done this? Had he, without knowing, caused Hawkmoth to win?
He wanted nothing more than to run to Marinette, take her in his arms and sooth her. He could tell her he knew and he could help her. How? He had no idea. He didn’t have a Miraculous, it looked like no one did apart from her and Adrien.
He moved onto the deck of his boat and looked out over Paris. People were walking the streets, heading towards the Eiffel Tower, towards where Hawkmoth was. He ran across the plank and onto the street fighting the crowds to see what was happening, and that’s when he heard the chanting.
“Ladybug, Ladybug, Ladybug.” He moved, ducking and diving to try and get there first, and he did. Looking up he saw them. Ladybug and Chat Noir. The two of them together. She was scrunched up like a ball, and he knew she was going into a spiral of self doubt. She was rambling, a clear Marinette ramble and her partner just stood there stone faced and silent. Was he angry at her? He had no right! She had done so much for everyone, including him.
He watched Chat Noir’s mouth move, before he looked down at her, her own face meeting his eyes as the sound of thunder crashed in the distance. Chat Noir stretched out a paw which she took without hesitation. With a pull, she was standing and clasped into a tight hug. A hug which spoke a million words. Words of friendship, partnership, devotion, support, and, dare he say it, love.
The crowd had finally reached him, the chanting growing louder as Chat Noir presented the crowd to Ladybug. Had he done this? Had he pulled the support of Paris to come to her? To lift her up and give her back the strength she needed? Chat Noir really was her backbone, her support.
He joined in with the chanting, showing his support alongside the thousands of others there. He looked to the side spotting friends, and family, before looking up at them again. They were standing strong. Whatever had been passed between the two of them had pulled her back from the spiralling pit she was falling into. They would always be up there together, and himself down here.
Hawkmoth had all the Miraculous’ and if Luka got akumatized it would be game over. He didn’t know when but he would do it, he would tell her he knew and he would stand beside her the best he could, begging for forgiveness and offering whatever he could. He would prove to her he was worthy of her time, and he would help however possible.
Hawkmoth would not win, he wouldn’t allow it.
’And I will love you, baby, always, and I'll be there forever and a day, always
I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine 'til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
I know when I die, you'll be on my mind and I'll love you, always’
He would never stop loving her, it wasn’t in his character, and even if she never loved him back in that way it was okay.
The pain would ease in time allowing a new somebody to capture his heart.
But one thing was for certain, regardless of what happened, he would love her … always.