Work Text:
I have always carried thee.
Such that I have never spoken of it changes not the truth of my heart; that I have always carried thee.
So then, this weight? Tis not so heavy.
I know that you wouldst admonish me, my Captain, my friend, and my goddess. You, who are called The Severed—who would never wear thy wounds as infirmity—would admonish me for bearing thy slumbering weight away from the rotten fields of Caelid. You, oh flower of war, with pride as bold as thy brazen arm, would never suffer me to bear your weight away from the field.
And yet, I have always carried thee.
Since before the Shattering, before the riot of anarchic war, I, your faithful Finlay, have always carried thee.
Do you know, my Captain, how my heart swelled to bursting when you raised me to your side from the rank and file of the Cleanrot? Or how my soul sang when all my nights and days of blood and sweat were rewarded by your gaze? Do you know that I wept beneath my helm as I affixed your legs and your blessed arm to your body on the first morning of my duties as your adjutant?
Do you know that I have wept each time since?
How can I not? To know the ache and joy of touching you, how can I not? To have seen you suffer, each night, the wracking spasms of the scarlet rot, only to rise with each dawn and make war with your head held high and the flaming pennant of your hair caught in winds.
What value hath the coin of my tears, but for thee, my Captain?
So this weight I bear? Thy weight? Tis not so heavy. I have borne it all the while. Thy weight upon my back is far the lesser of the weight upon my heart.
So I leave behind the red rot and ruin of Caelid, I pass the empty quarters of Limgrave and tread the highways of Liurnia. I bear thee up the Grand Lift of Dectus and across the great plateau of Altus.
And there is blood.
There are foes.
But thy weight never leaves my arms, my Captain. What need have I of two arms in battle when I have thee? Tis far the greater, I should think. Thy weight, that I have carried all of my days, I should trade for nothing. And so, when I carry thee to the Haligtree, and lay thee beneath its boughs, I weep only that I should die and see my Captain no more.
Oh, my Captain.
Discharge me not of my duties. Relieve me not of my burden. I bear thee with happy tears. For I have always carried thee, unto Caelid, unto Limgrave, unto Altus and Leyndall, and unto the tree of kindly Miquella.
And unto ashes, your faithful Finlay would carry thee.
So when you awaken, oh Captain mine, admonish me not for thy weight upon my back, for thy weight upon my heart is the greater, and such a weight I would bear until the end of all things golden.
And so as I lay thee among the roots of the Haligtree, I pray my ashes lay with thee. Not for grace or godhood would I leave thee, my Captain. Not in life would I leave thy side, and neither shall I do so in death.
Forget my name and my service if you must. Recall me not in thy final hour. But I remain your faithful Finlay, who shall lay with thee unto ashes, so send me not from thy side!
My Captain. My goddess. This, I give, as my service unending, to thee.
These wanton ashes.
So keep me, my Captain. Keep me.
Your faithful Finlay.