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The Ultimate Wingman

Summary:

Basically, Tirol goes from making Bisco jealous to being Milo’s wingman.

Notes:

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while! My motivation comes and goes and it's been gone lately, but I managed to get this done. I didn't read through it so please let me know if there are any glaring mistakes.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Tirol nearly lost her shit at the look on the criminal’s face when she said the blue-haired doctor was a good kisser. He’d already lost his composure when she was saved from the insect in her stomach, and now his mouth and fingertips were twitching with rage. Gosh, jealous much?

“N-no! We didn’t save you for that!” the panda doctor waved his hands wildly. 

Tirol drew back with genuine surprise, “You’re not?” Well, one of you doesn’t seem very interested in women anyway. 

“You’re a merchant, right? Do you have any food we could buy?”

The pink-haired girl immediately switched into business mode as she laid out her wares, “Welcome to the Jellyfish Shop! You can buy anything you want.”

Akaboshi scoffed, but the doctor, Milo, excitedly squatted down to see, “Look, Bisco! They have Biscos! I bet they’re your favorite, right?”

Akaboshi turned away slightly, “Never had ‘em, actually.”

The look of utter shock on Milo’s face was so comedic that Tirol had to stifle her laughter, “You have to try them, then!”

Milo ripped open the box and handed Akaboshi one of the wrapped treats. Milo’s face was one of ecstasy while the redhead opened it up and took a bite. The whole scene was sickenly sweet, and Tirol rested her head on her hand, waiting for the two to have their little moment. 

Once they were done, she spoke up, her voice impatient, “So, gonna buy anything else?”

“Oh, yes!” Milo exclaimed. This time Akaboshi joined him in deciding what food to buy, and soon enough Tirol was able to pack up shop. While the two boys got their beds set up, Tirol grabbed her old can of gasoline she was never able to sell (stupid crab-riders) and tossed it down a hole in the floorboards. Then, she got her thin blanket from her bag.

“If either of you touch me, it’s one hundred sols, got it? Oh, half price for you, though, Panda-kun,” she snickered quietly when Akaboshi gave her a death glare. Who knew a wanted criminal would be so easy to read?

When Tirol was wrapped up in her blanket, eyes closed, she heard the Man-Eating Redcap quietly speak up, “Did you treat your wounds? You took some nasty falls.”

The doctor replied, “Yes, I did while we were riding over here. You don’t have to worry.”

“Who said I was worried? I just don’t want the smell of blood to attract any creatures.”

“Yes, I know, Bisco,” Milo sounded like he didn’t believe Akaboshi, but the redhead just huffed. 

Tirol put a hand over her face. Oh my god, I’m spending the night with two pining idiots. Why do I always have the worst luck?

 

After barely surviving the battle with the Coal-Eating Shrimp, Tirol thought she’d never see those two again. Turns out, after having her helicopter shot down and slowly freezing to death, they were the ones who rescued her. Or at least that’s what she guessed after waking up to Akaboshi’s face and her clothes full of bonecoal heating pads.

Tirol felt way too comfortable around these idiots. After she had been completely warmed up and her sneezes had died down, the words that she had been thinking so much lately poured out of her mouth. She tried so hard to keep them inside, but Akaboshi’s comment about her ripping people off all her life cut straight to her heart, “I did what I could to survive. Yeah, I tricked people. I did things I’m not proud of, things you two boys couldn’t even imagine! I didn’t do all of that because I wanted to! I did it because I had no other choice…! But I’m fed up with all that. I don’t want to keep doing this. You shouldn’t have bothered saving me. It would have been a fitting end.” Tirol pulled her legs closer to herself as she looked down. Yeah, that’s right. I don’t want to keep living anymore, not like this.

The pink-haired girl screamed when a burning heat touched the nape of her neck and she turned to see Akaboshi holding a bonecoal heater, “Are you trying to kill me, you idiot?! Is that anyway to treat a lady?!”

Akaboshi simply grinned, “Heh, looks like you still got some life in ya. Thought so after how you clung to me screamin’ that you didn’t wanna die not too long ago.”

Tirol turned red with embarrassment, crossing her arms in defense, “Hmph! I just wanted Panda-kun to look after me!” Tirol was rewarded with her desired response when Akaboshi got the jealous glint in his eyes once again. Tirol grinned, “Heh, something wrong, Man-Eating Redcap?”

This only caused Akaboshi to glare harder, although his ears did turn red, but their silent argument was interrupted by Milo’s offering of food. Soon after, Tirol found out where they were headed and offered to show them the way. Something in her was happy to have an excuse to spend more time with them, but she pushed it away. They’ll cast me aside soon enough, anyway.

Akaboshi leaped onto the giant crab first, and began packing away the items they’d brought out. Tirol blinked in surprise when a hand suddenly appeared in front of her face, and she turned to see it was Milo’s, “Want me to help you up?”

The pink-haired girl scoffed suspiciously at how considerate he was being. She wasn’t so useless she couldn’t climb onto a crab. How did he think she stole it from him before? 

“I’m good, thank you very much,” with that, Tirol leaped onto the crab herself and sat in the middle of the saddle to give Milo room. 

Once Milo had sat down beside her and Akaboshi finished packing, he made a face at the seating arrangement, “Oi, why’re you in the middle? Switch with Milo.”

“Huh? Why, Bisco? Isn’t this fine?” Milo asked.

Tirol grinned yet again, “Yeah, Bisco , what’s the problem? Any specific reason you want us to switch?”

Akaboshi’s eyebrow twitched with annoyance, and he and Tirol glared at each other in a silent battle before Akaboshi sighed and finally gave in, “Nothing, it’s fine.”

Akaboshi had a grumpy expression on his face for the entire ride.

   

They had arrived at the subway and made their way to the dilapidated trains within. 

“Wait, yen? I ain’t got any yen! Who’s carryin’ old coins around?” Bisco exclaimed, frustrated, as he read the sign on the train’s control panel.

“Argh! Get out of the way, you two! I can’t watch this anymore!” Tirol yelled, her patience for these idiots at its end. She stomped toward the fare box, pulled out a crowbar, and aggressively pulled the metal open. Akaboshi and Milo watched on with awe.

“Oh, dear. Pretty simple design. It shouldn’t take long for me to rewire,” the merchant said as she pulled wire cutters and insulation tape out of her bag.

“Are you really just a merchant?”

“You’re a real pro…!”

Tirol smiled as she continued to work, but she made sure not to show it. Of course these two knew absolutely nothing when it came to machines. They better stop praising her before her ego gets too big. Tirol shook her head slightly, no, shut up! I can’t get attached, even if they are endearing, pure idiots.  

Akaboshi stood up from where he had been watching over the girl’s shoulder, “Well, while ya work on that, I’m gonna go look around a bit. There’s no telling what damn monsters could live down here.” Tirol could hear Akaboshi’s footsteps as they jumped off the train and faded away, leaving just her and Panda-kun. She couldn’t help chuckling.

 “Hm? What’s so funny? Milo asked kindly, and Tirol animatedly patted the spot next to her.

“Come on, Panda-kun, sit, sit!” she said in a rather suspicious tone of voice.

“Oh, um, alright,” Milo said, confused, but he did as Tirol said. The girl immediately spun around to face him, and he jumped, “Ah! Uh, what is it…?”

Tirol leaned close to him and narrowed her eyes, “So, what’s up between you and Bisco, huh?”

“Um, we’re partners?”

“No, not that. There’s more to it.”

“I don’t know what you’re-”

“Pretend this is a girls’ sleepover, okay?”

“Uh, sure?”

“What would we do at a sleepover?”

“Sleep? Oh, watch movies?”

“No! We’d interrogate each other about our crushes!”

“C-crushes?!” Milo’s voice went high with panic, and he sat back slightly. 

Tirol grinned wickedly, “Yup! Now, what’s going on between you and Bisco… romantically?”

Romantically?” Milo practically screeched. 

Tirol started elbowing Milo, who was beginning to look more like a tomato than a panda, “Come on, you can’t tell me there’s not something more going on. I don’t know about you, but that redcap definitely has some feelings for you brewing in there.”

Milo relaxed slightly, “You really think so?”

“Oh, I am certain ,” Tirol replied, backing away from Milo and raising her head. “Now, what about you?”

“Me? Oh, um… I’m not really sure…” Tirol leaned close to him again and glared, and the blue-haired boy nervously kept talking, “I mean, I think so? I want to be with him forever, and I really liked it when he carried me out of Imihama… a-and I do think he’s p-pretty…”

Tirol sat back, her hands on her hips, “Ah-ha! I knew it! We’ve got a classic pining situation going on here!”

“A what situation?”

“But don’t you worry, Panda-kun! The Jellyfish wingman is open for business! I’ll help you out for free, just this once.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Wingman?! I didn’t sign up for this!”

“Nope! I signed you up. You need some serious help. I also can’t stand the sight of you oblivious fools dancing around each other any longer. I’m helping whether you like it or not, so I recommend cooperating.”

“Dancing around each other…? We don’t do that.”

Tirol sighed, “Alright, just shut up. I’m devising a plan.”

“For what?” Milo sounded like he was scared to hear the answer.

“For you confessing to Akaboshi, duh!”

Milo waved his hands around, panicked, “N-no! I can’t do that! I’m sure he’d reject me. My sister, Pawoo, would be a better match for him, anyway!”

“Stop putting yourself down,” Tirol was suddenly serious, and she looked Milo in the eye, “I already told you he likes you. Stop thinking you’re not good enough.” Milo simply blinked at her, so she kept talking, “And I’ve got your back, Panda! We’ll make it a good one, alright?”

Some determination snuck its way into Milo’s eyes, “A-alright, I’ll do it! I’ll tell Bisco my feelings!” Tirol nodded, happy with the decision. “But first, what’s your name? I realized I forgot to ask…” Milo added, embarrassed. 

“Just Jellyfish is fine. I don’t usually tell people my name.”

“C’mon, please? Since you’re going to be helping me and all.”

He has a point. The pink-haired girl sighed and said, “Ochagama Tirol. There, happy?”

Milo gave her one of his signature smiles, “Yes! Thank you, Tirol!”

He didn’t laugh. Tirol looked away for a moment and cleared her throat, “Alright, so, now’s the best time to do it before you guys reach your destination. I’ll tell Akaboshi that I need more time to rewire the train so we’ll have to spend the night. That’ll give you plenty of time.” She was happy to see Milo nod at her idea.

“Alright, then what do I do?”

“Um…” Tirol hadn’t been able to think that far ahead, “I’ll stay here and pretend to work for a while, and you can… make him a nice dinner and confess. Yeah.”

“That’s it?!” Milo exclaimed, “I’m gonna die of embarrassment!”

“Yeah, well, we don’t have much to work with down here! It’s the best I can do.”

Milo looked down for a moment, thinking, “F-fine. I’ll do it. But, uh, could you be nearby just in case?”

Tirol couldn’t help her smile, “Yeah, sure thing, Milo.”

 

Akaboshi had come back from scouting and was sitting by the fire as Milo cooked up a stew. The redhead had bought Tirol’s excuse for them having to stay the night, thankfully, and she was watching the two from behind a train. This isn’t weird, she thought to herself, Milo asked me to be here for possible help. It wouldn’t make sense not to be watching.

So far, everything was going according to plan. Tirol could tell from the smell that Milo was cooking a really nice stew, and she felt a small bit of pride well up. C’mon, you can do it, Milo!

“Alright, it’s done!” Milo said excitedly, and he handed a bowl to Akaboshi. 

“Alright! Thanks!” Akaboshi immediately began shoving the food into his mouth. After a few lightning-fast bites, his eyes widened and he exclaimed, “Holy shit! You really made this! It’s so good!” 

Milo smiled and laughed as he ate his own dinner significantly slower, “I’m glad! I made it just for you, Bisco!”

Milo had clearly been trying to steer the conversation toward his confession, but Bisco had clearly heard comments like that so much he didn’t pay it any mind, especially while eating. Come on, you damn criminal! Pay attention!  

Milo spoke up, the nervousness in his voice clear as day, “So, Bisco, there’s something I wanted to talk about real quick.”

Akaboshi paused to chew the food in his mouth, swallowed, and said, “Alright, I’m listening,” before beginning to eat again. Tirol had to hold in a scream.

“Oh, uh, actually, it can wait ‘till you’re done with your dinner, haha…” Panda-kun looked like he was being eaten alive by anxiety. 

Gosh, do I have to do everything? Tirol stood up from her hiding place and snuck over to the Mushroom Keepers’ bags. Careful not to be seen or heard, she slowly slipped a few items out and snuck back behind the train. She heard the sound of a bubble popping quietly behind her, and turned to see Actagawa. 

“Oh, hey there. Are you willing to lend me a hand in getting those two together?” The crab blew another bubble to signal his agreement, “Yeah, I’m sure. You’ve been dealing with their stupidity for way longer than I have.”

Tirol had stolen some glowshrooms from Akaboshi’s bag and mixed them with her own dye that she happened to have. Praying that it’d work, she hopped on Actagawa and rode to the tunnel they had initially walked through. Copying Akaboshi, she blew the glowshrooms from her palm and watched the spores attach themselves to the walls and ceiling and bloom into all sorts of different colors. Tirol grinned, “Perfect.”

The merchant arrived back at her hiding place to find that the two Mushroom Keepers were nearly done with their meal. “Okay, Actagawa,” she whispered, “when I tell you, run out and throw those two on your back, and take them to the tunnel, ‘kay?” Another bubble popped in response. 

Tirol waited for the two to finish their meal. After one look at Milo she could tell he was too nervous to say anything still. You better appreciate this, Tirol thought before turning to Actagawa, “Okay, now.”

The crab leaped out with incredible speed, causing a breeze that blew her hair. "Actagaw-!" Milo's surpised call was interrupted by the massive claw that grabbed him and threw him onto the crab's back along with Akaboshi. 

"Oi, what's the big idea?! Where are we going?" Bisco leaned down to look at the crab's face, but it gave nothing away. Akaboshi’s head whipped up when Milo gasped.

"Look, Bisco!"

What the redhead at first thought were shining crystals turned out to be multicolored glow shrooms, and he let out a gasp himself. Actagawa slowed down to a peaceful walk, and the two took a bit to gaze at the wondrous sight.

"Damn. It's beautiful," Akaboshi managed to say.

"Yeah, it is," Milo replied, his voice light, and he turned to Akaboshi with a smile, "just like you!"

"L-like me?!" Akaboshi exclaimed, surprised. 

He turned to see that Milo's cheeks were red, "Y-yes. I think you're beautiful, Bisco. And I love being with you."

Akaboshi’s face exploded into color, and he took a second to panic. After a few moments, however, he muttered, "I think you're beautiful, too. And same."

Milo laughed at the curt reply, "Well, what I'm really trying to say is that I love you, Bisco."

"A-and I love you too, dumbass!" Akaboshi tried his best to hide his face, but Milo could see how red it was. He laughed again, getting a, "Shut up!" in reply, but it only made him laugh harder.

Tirol smiled from the tunnel's entrance as she watched the exchange. Looks like those two will be alright, after all. Well, thanks to me, of course . With that, she turned to go finish fixing the train up for travel.

Notes:

Thank you for reading!