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In her head Jemma knew that May had been looking out for her. She was probably even right about needing to know what was inside the toolbox. But it was Fitz and Jemma had never been able to abide by anyone hurting her partner. Intentionally or unintentionally, it was all the same to her if the end result was that Leo Fitz had gotten hurt. Jemma was already starting to feel her sanity slip slowly away from her the longer she went not knowing where he was or if he had found Coulson. Was he even safe?
Now May had let SHIELD know about the toolbox and they would be trying to capture him. What would they do to Fitz to make him cooperate? What would they do to make him open the toolbox? That was the reason that she wanted him and that blasted box out of the base in the first place. They claimed to be humane and fair, this “Real SHIELD.” But Jemma didn’t know what bubbled under the surface; she didn’t know what they were capable of. And Fitz was possibly the only person aside from Coulson who could open the damn toolbox and once SHIELD realized that…
She had gotten him out. She told herself that he would be safer with Coulson and far happier doing something productive to find Skye. Jemma had sent away her best friend without saying a proper goodbye. Again. She couldn’t even have a real conversation with him, couldn’t hold him one last time or even look him in the eyes before she had to watch him walk away.
And May had unknowingly thrown away that sacrifice like it was nothing. Like it wasn’t the second hardest thing Jemma had ever had to do. Like she wouldn’t gladly sit in a cell and endure whatever Gonzales had in store for her if it meant that Fitz could be safe. She knew it wasn’t rational but if anything happened to Fitz…if SHIELD got ahold of him now…Jemma would never forgive May. And she’d find a way to destroy that box before Gonzales or May got any use out of it.
She looked at the computer screen in front of her. Hacking was not her expertise but she knew enough and she was intimately familiar with the Deathlok technology as she had (unknowingly) helped to create the upgrades. The truth was that she was just as curious as anyone about what Coulson was up to. When May had told her what her work had really been used for, she had felt used, like a pawn that Coulson was playing in whatever big war that he was telling no one about. She wanted to resent the Director for it. But now she knew all too well what it was like to keep a secret from the people you care about. She knew how it felt to lie to someone because it was the only way to protect him.
Jemma had learned a lot during her time at Hydra but perhaps the most surprising thing she had learned was how much Director Coulson cared for her. He had protected her while she was undercover in every possible way that he could, going beyond protocol for normal agents. When her cover had been compromised he had pulled her out immediately, compromising Bobbi’s cover along the way. It was one in a million things that Coulson had done for her, for Fitz, for Skye since their little team had been formed. The way that Coulson looked after them was not typical for a SHIELD agent, Jemma knew. His actions were so often that of a man who loved his team like a family. And they were his only family. He deserved their trust. Whatever he was doing, she was confident that it was in the service of a greater good. The man that Jemma knew would not be doing anything else.
Jemma stared at the computer but her hands didn’t move. She only had a few minutes before May and Bobbi came along and she’d have no choice but to get to work.
When she was undercover at Hydra she hadn’t been allowed to take any of her personal belongings with her. No photos, no personal knick knacks that could tie to her time at SHIELD, she even had to get a whole new wardrobe. There was only one thing that Jemma risked taking with her: a little furry monkey keychain. It was in her pocket now and she clutched it, running her thumb over the soft fur like she could draw strength from it.
She had taken to carrying it around with her since Fitz left, just like how she had kept it under her pillow when she was undercover. Just a little something to physically connect her to him when she couldn’t be with him. It reminded her of how she had felt when he had first given it to her, after they had gotten the results back from their very first lab project and had gotten the highest grade in the class. It was the first time she had gotten an inkling of what they could be, of all the things they could do if they put their minds together.
“Simmons!”
Jemma turned around to see Fitz running towards her across the quad and she grinned brightly.
“Hey partner,” she greeted him.
“Hey – what?”
“You don’t think I’m going to let you go now, do you? We just got 110% on our project. I think we should be partners for the rest of the semester, don’t you?”
Fitz’s eyes widened. “I – yeah…Sure. If you want.”
Jemma smiled brightly. “Do you want to get lunch with me?”
“Really? I mean, yeah, okay. But hey, I wanted to give you this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a keychain of a small, furry monkey. “It’s for good luck. Not that you need it but I have one and it’s always been lucky to me and I thought…” He blew out a breath. “It’s stupid.”
She took the keychain from him. “No, it’s not. I love it! Thank you, Fitz.”
He smiled in relief and Jemma felt a flutter of happiness as she looked up at him. She had never had a real friend her age before, one who she could talk to and who could understand what she was saying. The past week working with Fitz had been nothing short of blissful once they realized how well they understood one another and how much they could accomplish when they set their competitive tendencies aside.
“Why a monkey?” Jemma asked when they started walking towards the cafeteria.
Fitz launched into a very long but actually quite fascinating diatribe about monkeys and why they were such interesting creatures. In later years Jemma would come to say that she regretted enabling Fitz’s obsession with monkeys but really, Fitz’s childlike enthusiasm was one of her many favorite things about him. He, like her, had grown up too fast in a world of academia with too few meaningful interactions with people their age. Jemma loved that the man who could design and build powerful weaponry with his bare hands was the same man that could watch monkey documentaries all day and considered a trip to the zoo one of the best days of his life.
Jemma squeezed the little monkey one last time and got to work. She hoped that wherever Fitz was, he was safe and that he would come back to her soon. If not, she would have to find him and the combined forces of May, Bobbi, Mack and all of SHIELD won’t be able to stop her.