Chapter Text
jay had been crying all night. the hole in his heart was tearing him apart. jay and nya were falling apart. they werent in love anymore.
were they ever? was it just the hope that there would eventually be feelings that sparked? did jay just... fall out of love?
could you ever fall out of love if it was real? if it was true? probably not. jay was beating himself up - maybe he had done or said something that made nya not look at him like that anymore.
or maybe it was just that they were finally coming down from the high of a slow burn romance. a slow burn is all it was.
slow.
burning.
full of fire.
doomed to go out.
in reality, jay had fallen for someone else months ago - which probably should have been reason enough for him to break things off with nya. but what if she loved him. what if he would have hurt her. what would kai do if jay hurt his little sister.
jay did not want to be that guy. the guy that dumped his best friend's sister because? he wasnt interested in her anymore. after months of dating - hell it was worse now, they had been dating for a whole year.
jay acted out of cowardice. if his current romantic interest found out. what would they do, would they run for the hills? would they hate him? probably.
coward jay.
screw it.
jay checked the time, the neon red light shining brighter in contrast to the rest of the room. the room that was submerged in as much darkness as jay's mind. he could barely make out the numbers, but guessed it to be 3am. it felt like 3am.
the air was thick, suffocating jay as soon as he cracked open his door to scan the hallway - if everyone's door was shut, they were sleeping. he could sneak out.
every door seemed to be closed. the way that jay had hoped anyways. he slipped on some sneakers, they were easy and he didnt care for how he looked, and he made his way to the front door.
no one would notice if he slipped into the night and never came back, right?
jay had slipped his jacket over his shoulders and pulled up his hood to cover his face. that was his safe place - covered up. no one could break him when he was like this. it was just jay and his thoughts.
in reality this was probably doing more harm than good but who cares about that - jay is in his little angsty boy mode. leave him alone. jay definitely didnt care. he wanted to be alone with his thoughts. he often felt forced to face his feelings, so now he was letting them run free in his mind.
great. he had forgotten to bring his phone, well then - no point in wanting to go for a run whilst playing music. trust him to forget the one thing he wanted to bring.
stupid jay.
if jay had been in the right place mentally, he may have noticed that he was very much not alone.
jay finally reached his destination. a field. the field he had been in when he realized, he never loved nya, that he was in fact in love with someone else. why had he come back here?
probably because it hurt him.
he deserved that pain.
this is what he had been feeling for the longest time, he felt almost safe here.
he laid down in the exact spot that he had realized, leaned on his side and closed his eyes.
"jay you look like an idiot."
well there goes jay's peace. his quiet death was interrupted. he opened one eye to see his best friend.
cole was stood over him, looking down at the frail boy - both a look of amusement and worry plastered on his features.
jay shrugged, not a care in the world - more so a tinge of annoyance in his movements, cole was interrupting his alone time. yet not a single bone in jay's body hated the idea of cole being there for him.
selfish jay.
what if cole didnt see him like that. jay had been picturing him and cole together for the longest time, so much that he didnt understand why he thought he had ever loved nya. no one made jay as happy yet nervous as cole did.
did he love him? wholeheartedly.
would he ever make these feelings of admiration known? probably not.
doing that would cost his... happy (could he even label it that anymore?) relationship with nya. and if it went sideways, his friendship with cole.
did he really want to sacrifice all of that?
the answer was no, he was fine with being in mental anguish if it meant everything stayed the same. unchanged.
change was an unknown. and the unknown was to be feared.
scared jay.
cole leaned down, pulling jay into his arms and holding the boy close.
without realising it, jay had started to cry, zoning out completely from cole's words. leaving reality to become trapped in his own mind.
his mind which was truly a terrifying place to be, especially at a time like right now.
jay was quick to climb into cole's chest, letting his choked cries break free from his throat. every time a sound came from him, cole flinched in pure fear for jay's mental state.
soon, jay sank down, his sobs ceasing almost completely, sometimes flaring up again but for the most part he was calm.
cole sighed into his hair and began to rock the two soothingly - it physically hurt him to see jay like this. yes, jay was always seen as the nervous one, the sensitive one. but he never cried like this, at least not in front of cole.
had nya seen this side of him? was nya causing this? did nya often hold jay like this? in such an intimate way?
jealous cole.
cole softly shook the thoughts from his head, not wanting to disturb jay.
"you okay bubs?" cole spoke, cautiously.
jay nodded, but then paused, to then shake his head no.
"i dont love nya, i never have. i just thought i did. does that make me selfish?" jay whimpered.
cole looked around awkwardly, he hadnt expected jay to speak like this, so innocently, his voice was sad and broken.
poor jay.
cole finally comforted jay, the two spoke for quite a while and when jay completely calmed down the pair decided to go home.
jay had chosen to conceal his love for cole, but decided to call things off with nya.
and sure enough he did, the feeling was mutual - nya had felt obliqued to accept and return jay's love confession all that time ago.
that was a month ago, and jay still kept quiet about his feelings for cole. and he intended to keep it that way, as far as he was aware, things had changed too much already, he wasnt prepared to say goodbye to his best friend now.
call him selfish, weak, a coward - he didnt care, he liked how things were.
that was until cole brought home his new boyfriend. that was when things took a turn.