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The day Amity turned 13 she accidentally cut herself while making herself lunch. She had been stressed that day, and because she was so preoccupied going over questions that might be on the test she was taking the next day...
Well, she cut herself while trying to chop her food. She didn't mean to make her hand gush blood. But, somehow, ironically, Amity felt less stressed. She forgot all about it, really. It had seemed to insignificant at the time, but later on the moment stood out to her...reminded her of the stress leaving her body as physical pain splintered all over her hand.
And suddenly, so many possibilities filled her body. Thoughts of doing that to herself of purpose. Because, the physical pain felt more manageable than her emotional burdens. It was easier, even. But, Amity tucked those thoughts away for the time being, cleaned herself up, and continued studying.
The thoughts seemed so absurd to her. Who would be stupid enough to hurt themselves on purpose?
If only Amity knew how "stupid" she would become mere months later. She'd laugh in her younger selfs face.
Just months after she turned 13, Amity hurt herself on purpose. If someone asked her how the thin gash on her arm came to existence - which nobody did, mind you - she wouldn't have admitted it was self inflicted. She would have lied, said it was a nasty thorn she had encountered on her way to school. But, nobody asked, and Amity realized that maybe self harm was the answer to her emotional burden. And good god, it helped.
Amity wouldn't say she was LESS stressed, because as the days flew by work and responsibilities kept piling on her shoulders. But, it was finally manageable. Every so often, when she felt overwhelmed or like she couldn't accomplish something, a new scar was added to her collection. It wasn't a daily occurrence - yet. Maybe once a week she'd pull out the old razor blade and pray she didn't cut too deep. She never did.
And yes, the thin lines were perfectly straight. Hidden just out of sight of the naked eye.
Because, even when it came to self harm, Amity Blight was impossibly perfect.
Two months before Amity turned 14 she started self harming every day. Really, this was inevitable. When she first started doing it daily she knew it would eventually reach this point. As time went on, the weekly occurrences turned not-so-weekly. The older she got the more stress was on her shoulder. And, at some point, the emotional pain wasn't just stress anymore. It turned to sadness. She'd always known the monster lurking at the back of her mind, telling her that she wasn't enough. They knew each other well. But, as time passed it became stronger. With each sad look in her parents eyes, telling her she wasn't enough, Amity grew more and more depressed.
But, Amity Blight wasn't depressed. Depression makes one...imperfect. And yes, you could argue the overwhelming stress and scars and cuts all over her arms made her imperfect. But those - well? They were minor setbacks. She could overcome those with makeup and stress management, which was mainly just being better.
But, depression? No. That's different. You need therapy and maybe even medication. Amity was repulsed by the mere thought of her needing either of those. Because, Amity wasn't depressed. She was a perfect daughter, a Straight-A student, and more importantly, a Blight. Amity could admit when she was stressed, when she needed to add another cut to her always expanding collection of wounds, but she couldn't admit she was depressed.
Because, if she did, she'd also have to admit something else.
Maybe Amity WASN'T "Little Miss Perfect" after all. And if she wasn't perfect, then what was she?
When Amity turned 14 she contemplated suicide for the first time. It wasn't anything serious - really! It wasn't. It was just a passing thought, yet it still sent startling chills down her back. Something about it felt so unnaturally dark, yet so obvious. It wasn't like she'd go through with ending her life, now that was just plain stupid, wasn't it? A scandal that big for the Blight Family would cause major chaos. Amity didn't know it at the time, but she'd end up causing that scandal within a year, but at the time, well-
She pushed the thought away. Far into the back of her mind. She couldn't be thinking those things. No! They were unacceptable for someone as important as a Blight!
Yet, once the thoughts started up, they couldn't be stopped. As the days passed, they kept coming back. At first, they were just in passing, and they were passive little things like "oh, I messed up, my parents would have been better off if they didn't have a screwup daughter like me."
But, eventually, they evolved and morphed into something more. Something darker and dangerous. Something Amity eventually acted on. They were so intrusive, and eventually Amity began to believe that she was better off dead.
"The world would be a better place without me." Amity would eventually think.
Soon, her depression got the better of her. Her desire to die, paired with her perfectionism led her down a dark and dreary road...and the little journal she kept hidden from her family turned a dark, dark page...
Right before Amity 15 she finished planning out the perfect way to end her life. She'd give herself a nice, stress free day. A small date with Luz, just a picnic in the park. They'd eat Amity's favorite food, cuddle and watch the kids play. She'd give Luz a small peck on the lips, and then go home and kill herself. She wanted to end on a happy note. At least then her life would have felt as though there was some light in the never ending cycle of darkness.
When Amity turned 15 she went on a date with Luz. Things played out the way she thought they would. Perfect lunch. Perfect ending to the day. She watched the kids play, she kissed Luz on the lips, and she went home.
But, one thing didn't go as planned...the ending. The real ending. The ending to everything.
Right as Amity was about to go out, a tall light haired girl came in the room. Amity was about to die happily, but The Owl Lady spoiled everything. She walked in as Amity was starting to feel her vision fade from the blood loss. Amity didn't know why Eda had come - maybe Luz had sent her? The human could have forgotten something. But, whatever the reason, Eda had saved the girls life. She felt magic patching up her arms, filling her back with the life she had tried to take away from herself. The older woman stared at Amity for a good moment, concern and...was that sympathy?
Eda pulled Amity into a tight hug, one that crushed her soul. Amity was limp at first, but she quickly found herself hugging The Owl Lady back.
"Kid, don't scare me like that," Eda told her.
And, when Eda told Amity she would be okay, that it would get better, she believed it for a second.
But, then doubt stirred in her. She couldn't help but doubt that it could ever get better. Because, if Amity were to live the life of a Blight, she would always, always suffer.
When Amity turned 16 she stopped living like a Blight. Eda, after finding the youngest Blight lying on the ground, dying...
Well, to put it simply, she fought tooth and nail to get Amity out of that house. And, eventually it worked. A couple months, and a whole lot of paperwork, Amity found herself living with Eda for about a month. Eventually, she ended up with Lilith - mainly because being around Luz 24/7 caused too much...blushing.
Lilith was a good fit for Amity, though. She didn't push the girl past her limits, but she also helped her achieve her own goals. Not the ones that had been placed upon her shoulders, but what she really truly wanted. Once she figured out what it was, though. And, as time passed, Amity found an emotion buried deep in her heart that she didn't know existed.
Happiness.
Maybe, just maybe, things could get better for Amity Blight.
No, she wasn't a Blight anymore, Amity had decided that long ago. She didn't want to be a Blight, because Blight's were perfect. Or, at least a nasty, dirty version of perfect.
No, Amity was officially a Clawthorne.