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Just this once

Summary:

4 times Felix’ heart beats so hard he wants to put his fingers over his pulse and make sure this is real life, and one time it beats just hard enough for him to act on it.

Or: Felix is a little (a lot-le) in like with Chan, and maybe once, he’ll let himself find out how much Chan likes him too.

Notes:

This is for my friend cuz he thinks Chanlix are in love and they’re also in love with Chan so i killed two birds with one stone and indulged my need for dorky confessions

I HOPE YOU ENJOY AND PLS LEAVE A COMMENT CUZ i want to interact with you all

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

1.

It would never be uncommon between the two to share touches, or cuddle into each other’s arms, or hug at random just because they wanted to. But, maybe this is the first time Felix has wanted so badly to press their lips together and stay with him forever.

“Felix,” Chan says as he walks right into his dorm and collapses onto the man on the couch. “Hug?” He says with a tilt of his head.

Felix chuckles and wraps his arms around Chan’s back, letting him rest his head on his chest, even if he knows it’s probably not very comfortable. He runs his fingers up and down his back, leaning his head against the armrest behind him and just watching him as he breathes. He watches down his face, looks over his features and admires the proud slope of his nose. He thinks it all looks pretty like this, on a man who’s finally relaxing, and Felix has the honor of getting to see it.

“You’re so warm.” Chan says in english, pulling the blanket on his back over his shoulders. “I feel like I could fall asleep right now.” He laughs, looking up at him to see his reply.

Felix meets his eyes and smiles. “Go ahead, we don’t have any more schedules until tomorrow. Everyone else is in their room resting or asleep, if you fall asleep here then so will I and then boom! Tomorrow comes sooner.” He fidgets with the fabric of Chan’s shirt, looking over his face in response.

“I guess you’re right, but maybe I don’t want tomorrow to come yet.” He chuckles. “Okay Felix, I guess we’re sleeping now.” He says and immediately drops his head onto his chest and makes loud snoring sounds.

Felix snickers. “You’re such a fucking dork.” He says with affection, bathing in the deep pools of his dimples as he smiles at the teasing.

“Thanks.” He says and closes his eyes on his chest with the real intention of them dozing off this time, and Felix replies the same. He tries to sleep, and it’s either the warmth or the fact that his heart has been beating hard this whole time, but he can’t. He just wants to crawl down in his spot and spoon like they normally do, which sounds kinda strange now but he prefers it. He likes being held.

These thoughts lead him to rest, rock him to sleep themselves without his realization.

 

-

 

2.

 

There’s cookies in the oven, the leftover dough has already been made into balls on the tray… what else….

“Wooo!” Minho sounds as he comes into the kitchen. “Cookie!” He says in english when he crouches in front of the stove.

“Woo! Cookies!” Chan says right behind him, giggling as he looks over everything.

Felix feels warmth run over his body and he laughs, admiring Chan as he steps around the both of them to look at the dough balls. “Is this safe to eat raw?” He asks because he clearly wants to.

“Uhm… Not technically, but that hasn’t stopped me from doing it.” He laughs and Chan just smiles, neglecting to eat the raw dough.

“I’ll have some later, delayed gratification and stuff,” He slips into the seat beside him, “your apron is messy,”

“Oh,” He looks down. “Yeah, It’s a little uneven in the back but I couldn’t see it well.” He realizes then that Minho is long gone, and he feels a little bad for ignoring him, but Minho didn’t really look at him in the first place. Regardless, he looks down at Chan.

“I can tie it for you, if you want?” He offers

“I mean,” He laughs, a little embarrassed. “Sure.” He turns around and holds his hands together in front of him as he lets Chan tie the back. Chan’s hands are gentle on his waist as they pull the string tighter, and they smooth out the fabric at the sides. When he turns around he can’t even look at the apron, just looks down at Chan and tries not to check his pulse like he usually does.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

He jumps at the sound and scrambles to take the cookies out of the oven, it earns him some laughter, and his embarrassment multiplies.

 

-

 

3.

“Does this look alright?” Chan asks as he flattens his crop top against his torso. He’s got a pair of low waisted jeans that he pulls down to show the hem of his boxers, and a cropped sweater worn rolled up at the elbows. “Just don’t wanna look like a fool.”

“No,” He starts, at a loss for words. He realizes his staring, and quickly shoots his eyes back up to meet Chan’s. “You look really good. Like, good.” He says intelligently, looking back over the outfit. “Like, your stomach is nice. I’m gonna stop talking.” He laughs and Chan just chuckles.

“Thanks.” He says and leans his head on Felix’ shoulder. “You look really pretty, I like the skirts. I know you like the skirts too, so it’s even better.” He laughs.

“Yeah, I like this one, it definitely makes me feel pretty.” He feels his ears go hot and holds Chan’s hands on his waist, rocking them back and forth where they stand. “Our colors even match.” He looks at Chan and smiles.

When Chan turns his head, their faces are so close Felix flinches, but Chan just smiles and turns his face away to knock their heads together affectionately. Felix does it right back, and he wonders if his heart is beating hard enough to generate enough energy to power a car, but he doesn’t check it. Because Chan probably already knows, and he has enough self preservation to keep himself from being more embarrassed.

They go to find Jeongin and Seungmin on the couch, and Felix distracts himself from diving in too deep.

 

-

 

4.

Felix shuffles his feet as he crosses the hallway between the two dorms, holding his blanket in one hand as he opens the door. He’s greeted first by an enthusiastic hug from Jisung, who asks why he’s there and basically interrogates him and accuses him of never letting them kiss anymore. He finds he can only laugh, and says he came over to watch movies with Chan.

Jisung rolls his eyes and leads him into the living room, where Chan’s sprawled out lazily on the couch. “Hey!” He says with a smile and pats the seat beside him, Where both Jisung and Felix squeeze in. Jisung’s curled in on himself and sharing Felix’s blanket, and Felix has been pulled into a hug by Chan.

Somewhere along the way, the other two dorm-mates come out and sit in the floor together, and Felix would be a liar if he said he heard any of the movie over the sound of his heartbeat.

He becomes so riddled with his own thoughts, and Chan’s thumb rubs back and forth over his hand where they’re holding each other’s under the blanket. He feels embarrassed, and he knows his ears must be flushed and he knows his heart is beating and his hand is sweaty, so it makes him even more embarrassed. Chan doesn’t seem to notice all of that, or maybe he just doesn’t mind. Because eventually, everyone on the couch is holding each other as Felix cries over the movie and Chan gives a sympathetic frown. Felix realizes again that he’s paid no attention.

He feels guilty, guilty over not paying attention because now he feels like everyone can hear the way his heart is pounding out of his fucking chest and guilty over the fact that Chan’s curled over his torso and all he wants to do is kiss him right then and there. His pout is jutting out his lower lip, and it just looks so fucking shiny. He knows it’s just a greasy chapstick, but he wants to kiss him anyway.

Before he knows it, the movie is ending and everyone is migrating to their rooms. He gets several offers to share beds with everyone in the dorm, and he decides (with a strong bias) that he’ll choose based on who asked first. Which, was Chan. He’s sure he would’ve found an excuse to choose him anyway, but Chan just seems to chuckle and sweep him away to his room.

 

-

 

+1

“Lix,” Chan says and pats the seat beside him in his studio. “Wanna do Chan’s room today with me?”

They just got done recording his lines for a song, and Felix hadn’t even realized how close it was to Chan’s usual time.

“Sure.” He says and pulls his socked feet into the chair with him, rocking back and forth in anticipation. Chan just laughs, his cheeks forming deep dimples that Felix instinctually reaches out and pokes. Chan freezes and laughs, and Felix just gets embarrassed and wants to die. Figuratively. He looks forward as Chan tells him the stream will start, and before he knows it they’re talking to fans.

It’s easier to keep his head on straight when he knows he’s being watched, and he really just watches and reads the comments. There’s some that ship them, a few about the actual content and most of them are random comments completely unrelated to the actual stream. He leans back in his seat, listens to the music and watches Chan’s gentle sways to the acoustic. He finds it endearing.

The song ends and he keeps himself from being too embarrassed that he stared at Chan the whole time, hoping he wasn’t making goo-goo eyes at him or something. He smiles forward at the monitor as Chan talks, and finds he doesn’t have much to say.

The livestream ends before he realizes how much time has passed, and they’re left in silence. “Your smile’s really pretty.” Is all he can think to say.

“Thank you.” Chan smiles and looks at him, waving his head back and forth at the praise. “That’s nice. Your smile is also very pretty.” He pokes Felix’ cheek as the closes the programs on his computers.

“Thanks.” He laughs, staring at the ground, leaning back in his seat.

“Is something wrong?” Chan asks, ever attuned.

“No, No.” He laughs, embarrassed now. “Nah, I was just thinking.”

“About my smile?” He teases but Felix flushes, because he’s totally right.

“Yeah,” He says and Chan laughs, embarrassed himself. Felix smiles and straightens his shirt out in his lap. “It’s just so pretty.”

“Oh my god, Lix. That’s embarrassing.” He wipes at the corner of his mouth. “Have mercy on me.” He smiles and Felix just rolls his eyes, checking his pulse, afraid of how fast his heart beats.

Chan seems to notice, again, ever observant. He feels even more flustered now. He pulls his shirt over his mouth, and feels the warmth of his cheeks on his fingers. “Damn, is it hot in here?”

“I thought you’d say ‘or is it just me’.” Chan laughs, turning his head back. “No but, I’m extremely warm.” He laughs.

“Yeah…” Felix agrees, fidgeting with his hands in his lap.

“Sorry for embarrassing you-“

“No, no! Not at all, I was just being weird-“

“No, you weren’t! It’s okay!” Chan reassures and reaches out for his hands. Felix feels his whole body break into a sweat as his nerves catch fire and he feels his blood rushing to his cheeks. Chan’s staring at him with the softest expression, and he literally gapes as their eyes meet.

Chan just smiles after that, and Felix closes his mouth, pulling away to wipe his hands on his shirt. “Sorry, my hands are so sweaty.”

“I thought that was me,” Chan laughs.

“No, it was definitely me.” He chuckles nervously, running his now dry hands through his hair with the urge to look just a little better.

“Here,” Chan offers and fixes the sides of his mullet behind his ears, straightening the part in his hair. He wonders of it’s possible for anyone’s cheeks to get as hot as his are right now, and he just stares at Chan as his eyes are on his hair. “Done!” Chan says but Felix feels frozen.

He reaches up and holds his hands before he can pull away, and Chan just stares over his face before he smiles. Felix literally, literally has no fucking clue what’s happening. But, god, he wants to kiss him so bad.

Instead, he puts Chan’s hands on his neck where he knows his pulse is, and lets him feel his heartbeat as it pounds in his chest. Chan just stares, his face void of any emotions until the dots connect and Felix can see his lips part slightly. Chan just smiles at him, and Felix continues to hold his hand over the armrest of the chair.

Chan takes his hand, and pulls it over to his own neck, and they share the knowledge that they both make each other a little extra nervous, and Felix finds himself melting all over again.

Notes:

How do we feel about the gays