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All he could hear was the sound of the compactor slamming against the ground over and over again along with the blood rushing through his ears. This was too much, everything was too much!
Makoto was slowly creeping closer and closer, seconds away from becoming nothing.
Nothing.
His entire existence gone in the blink of an eye.
Byakuya couldn’t watch, he just couldn’t. Makoto was the only person on this planet that truly understood him, and was one of the only people he could truly say he loved.
He felt like his whole life was crumbling right before him and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it; helplessness is such an awful feeling, isn’t it? He sank to his knees trying his damndest not to cry, not to lose his dignity in front of everyone. But who cares about dignity when the only person he’s ever wholeheartedly cared for is mere moments away from dying?
He really couldn’t process the fact that Makoto was *actually* going to die. Some little part in the back of his brain hoped and prayed that somehow he would survive this, but he knew that wouldn’t happen- he had to face reality.
He could feel the sweat running down his face, hear his heavy breathing, and taste the metal in his mouth from how hard he was biting the inside of his cheek; all of his senses overwhelmed him all at once.
With whatever willpower he had left, he lifted his head to see the scene in front of him.
And man, did he regret it.
Makoto had looked at him and tried his best to give a very small and reassuring smile in an attempt to ease Byakuya. Of course! Even in his final moments, he tried to help someone else. He constantly put others' needs above his own. So often Byakuya had scolded him, telling him that he needs to take care of himself first even if that meant hurting someone else once in a while. He was not a pushover, not in the slightest, but he was a people pleaser. Byakuya could tell he was draining himself because of it. He wished he could just convince Makoto that his happiness was just as important- he wished he could express his feelings to him. It was too late now.
He was lost in his train of thought when Makoto was at the final stretch, and then… that was it.
The giant block had come down upon him and all that remained in its path was the blood-drenched conveyor.
He wanted to vomit.
He heard screaming but couldn’t tell where it was coming from until he registered that it was actually coming from his own mouth. Blood curdling, heartbroken screams.
He screamed and screamed until his throat became raw. Makoto was truly and undeniably gone.
Gone.
—
Byakuya shot up in bed drenched in sweat and breathing hard. He was horribly disoriented and swore he was still standing there in that disgusting and disturbing room, until he looked to the left of him and saw his fiancée lying there peacefully, harm free.
He wanted to cry. He felt so relieved that Makoto was okay, that the dream was just a dream and nothing more. But he still couldn’t get the image of the blood-splattered block out of his brain.
Regardless, the pit in his stomach and the feeling of adrenaline flowed through him; he wanted nothing more than to grab Makoto and pull him into a bone-crushing hug, but he didn’t want to wake him up, so instead settled for getting out of bed and moving around. All of his anxious energy wouldn’t let him sit still.
He swung his feet over the bed and onto the cool floor. His heart was pounding in his ribcage and he’s never felt more like shit than he did right now. He was clammy and gross so he decided to jump in the shower just for a couple of minutes to get rid of the dried sweat that stuck to his skin. And boy, did he smell.
Afterward, instead of going back to bed, he went to sit in the living room. The last thing he wanted to do was try and fall asleep still dwelling on the dream.
He sat on the couch and tried to clear his mind; but again, all he could see was that awful scene playing over and over again in his head. Yes, it was awful, but the reason he was so worked up over it was because that could have been real. It was a one in a million chance that Alter Ego had somehow been there to disturb the execution, and thank god it did.
He doesn’t know what he would do without Makoto, to be completely honest. He had a hard time voicing his feelings even after all these years, but he loved Makoto more than anything… he was always there for him no matter what. He would sit there and listen while Byakuya would ramble on and on for hours about some random niche he found interest in, just because he loved to hear him talk. He was constantly bringing home trinkets because apparently the little kaleidoscope he found in the children's section made him think of Byakuya (he pretended to think it was stupid but ended up playing with it for longer than he’d care to admit… it was cool, alright?!); all of it was silly little things, but Byakuya loved them regardless. There’s a whole box under their bed filled with all the small things Makoto brought home. He was also the one who encouraged him to be more open, and without Makoto doing all of these small things for him, he would never be the person he was today. And he swears, he falls in love with him more and more each day- as sappy as that is to admit. He was never a very tenderhearted man.
So with that in mind… the thought of losing him? It was just too much to bear.
Without realizing it, tears had begun to spring into his eyes. It was rare he cried, but the circumstances were right, he supposes. He’s always been more emotional at night, but then again, who isn’t?
He sat there while tears flowed down his face. There was no loud sobbing, no shaking, simply tears coming out like a waterfall. He liked to think he was a dignified crier, considering all the times he would cry were few and far between.
He slumped forward and placed his face into his hands, just trying to breathe. All he wanted was to be able to go back to bed perfectly normal and pretend that this never happened; he knew it wouldn’t be that quick though. Maybe he could tire himself out by crying anyways.
Too absorbed in his thoughts, he didn’t notice the very light footsteps padding down the hallway.
“...Kuya? Are you in here?”
He flinched very slightly, surprised by his presence. Just hearing his voice made him feel so much better.
Regardless of how many times he’s broken down in front of Makoto, he still gets embarrassed. So, to save face he hummed an ‘mhm’ so that Makoto wouldn’t be able to hear the way his voice would crack if he tried.
“Are you alright honey? Why aren’t you in bed?” Makoto questioned.
Byakuya opened his mouth to answer, but all that came out was a large sigh.
Makoto probably understood he wasn’t feeling the best, so he walked over to the couch and plopped down.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Once again Byakuya didn’t answer and instead lowered his head.
Makoto took that as a no and opted for putting an arm around him and rubbing his back. That made Byakuya face him and through the darkness, Makoto could see the tears that glistened all over his face being illuminated by the moonlight. He reached his hand up to wipe the tears away and left his hand on his cheek; holding him ever so gently.
“I-” Byakuya tried to start speaking but instead of forming words, all he could do was croak out a pathetic sounding sob. He hated crying in front of people so much.
Makoto pulled him into a hug and that was Byakuya’s breaking point. He shoved his head into the crook of his neck and sobbed harder than he had in a while. The physical touch convinced him even more that Makoto was alive and well, yet overwhelmed him all at the same time. Byakuya had come far too close to losing Makoto far too many times, whether it be when they were in school, or when they had ground missions for the Future Foundation.
Makoto’s heart hurt for Byakuya; he wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong, but feeling the way Byakuya stuffed his face into his neck and squeezed him in a hug so tight as if he was going to disappear made him want to do nothing more than shower him with love. He’s been through so much shit in his life and Makoto thought he deserved the world.
After only a couple of minutes, Byakuya’s rough sobs turned into sad little whimpers, and so Makoto figured now that he had calmed down, it was a good time to ask what had happened.
“Are you ready to talk yet, or no?”
Byakuya let go of the hug and still didn’t speak, so Makoto pulled him down so that his head was lying on his lap. He figured Byakuya would start talking when he wanted to, so for now he decided to play with his hair. Makoto lightly ran a hand through his hair and started to braid it while he waited.
“I… I just had an unpleasant dream, that's all.”
“Wanna tell me what happened in the dream?”
“It’s silly. We should- we should just go back to bed.” Byakuya’s voice began to shake, seemingly ready to cry all over again.
“It’s not silly if you’re this upset over it,” Makoto spoke softly.
“...I’m telling you it’s childish.”
“Will you quit it already? If it’s so silly then it shouldn’t be that big of a deal telling me, hm?”
“Curse you and your devilish schemes.” He tried for a smirk, “But, if you really must know, I just dreamt that… ugh.” For some reason, Byakuya couldn’t bring himself to say it out of shame. He hates feeling like a little kid that needs to be coddled after having a nightmare. It was just a nightmare for god sakes! He’s a grown man, he shouldn’t be acting like this. This was pathetic.
“It was your execution. I don’t think I need to explain, you were there after all.” He tried for a weak chuckle but it ended up sounding more like a cough, “...Except Alter Ego wasn’t there to… stop it. So it’s like I told you, nothing worth this scene.”
Makoto moved his hand to wipe a stray tear from Byakuya’s face and spoke softly, “Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“You wouldn’t be disturbing me! I wanna help you.” Makoto said with a small but sad smile. He knows it’s difficult for Byakuya to open up so he doesn’t blame him, but he just wished he could be there for him more.
“You do too much for me already.”
“Sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough… I want you to let me in a little more. I mean, we’ve been together for years- we’re engaged for god sake!” He chuckled, “I just want you to be happy, you know that.”
Byakuya took a deep sigh and looked like he was contemplating what to say. Almost in a whisper, he said, “...I thought I lost you for a moment. I don’t- I can’t imagine not…having you.” Byakuya felt so unbelievably embarrassed at the stupid sappy words coming out of his mouth. Maybe it being so late in the night made him more sentimental.
Now Makoto was the one who wanted to cry. Sometimes he forgot how much Byakuya loved him. Even after all of these years it still blew his mind that the Byakuya Togami loved him.
“I love you so much… Do you wanna come back to bed? I’ll even let you be the little spoon.”
Byakuya smiled while he sat up and let himself be dragged away into their bedroom. All of the emotion drained him of his energy so he flopped onto the bed with a low whump.
Makoto clambered in after him and lied on his back while Byakuya scooched towards him and rested his head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat; yet another reminder that Makoto was here and okay.
They lied in silence while Makoto lovingly pet his hair.
"...You know I'm like so, so, unbelievably proud of you, right?
Byakuya doesn't answer, choosing to hug Makoto just a bit tighter.
"I'm serious! You've been through things I genuinely can't even imagine, or want to imagine. And somehow you're still sane! Kinda…"
That made Byakuya chuckle.
"It just shows how strong and amazing you are. I know you know that as much as I do."
"Are you trying to make me cry again?" Byakuya smiled.
"No! I just want you to know how much I adore you… I've quite literally never met a person remotely similar to you, you are truly one of a kind in the best way possible. Everything you do amazes me, and again, I'm just so proud of you and the person you became, Byakuya. You make me- wait, are you crying again?"
Makoto could feel the wet spot on his shirt.
"I wasn't joking when I said you'd make me cry." He giggled with his voice slightly raspy, "You know, no one has ever actually told me they were proud of me, other than you."
"Because I am. You are so amazing, Byakuya. I wish you could see yourself how I see you because then you'd understand."
"You're so stupid…"
Byakuya buried his face into Makoto's neck and breathed in his scent. Somehow an awful night turned into something great. He was so happy and couldn’t ask for more in his life. Nothing was going to stop him from spending the rest of his life with Makoto, not if he could help it.
With love overflowing in both of their hearts, they drifted into a deep sleep, excited for the rest of their lives together.