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Izuru Kamukura was familiar with being abandoned. It was what his teachers had done, what Enoshima had done, what the other remnants had done. They were used to it, and thanks to mind-numbing brain surgery, they were mostly OK with the concept. A lack of emotions meant they couldn't be hurt by the cruelty of others.
Nagito Komaeda was a uniquely talented man in that he brought out the fragments of unmarred emotion Izuru had left. Before the tragedy the boy had piqued their interest, and during the two long years they spent as remnants, Izuru had found themself feeling care for someone, even to the extent that he'd considered disobeying Enoshima's last command.
Like a good little machine, they carried out the order regardless.
After the Neo World Program, Izuru would find themself as one of 4 'leaders' of the ragtag crew of twenty-somethings, alongside his new headmate Hinata, the Ultimate Imposter, and Koizumi. With the islands long abandoned and falling into disrepair, there was very little time to interact with any of the former ultimates, days spent planning with Hinata or scavenging for barely useful parts. Nagito spent his days doing the less physically draining tasks, like reorganising books in the library or meal planning with Hanamura, which meant the pair seldom interacted. In the evenings, Hinata liked to bond with the louder islanders, meaning Izuru would retreat further from the front, only returning when necessary. They often pondered if they could be feeling loneliness.
Eventually, of course, the jobs to be done were less urgent or demanding, and the group fell into a sort of routine. As expected, this was dull. It was what Izuru would have expected of any form of life, if not for the fact that he had spent enough time with a certain lucky student to know a whole different world. On occasion, they would disrupt the island routine by rushing tasks and slinking off to 'assist' Nagito, though they always felt strange and hollow upon returning to the routine they were given.
The distress call from the future foundation came in, and everyone on the island rushed to the boat Naegi had left with them, desperate to prove themselves worthy of forgiveness and to repay the kindness the young man had shown them. On the boat, with the setting sun making the water glisten and dance, Izuru caught a single moment alone with their love.
Shyly holding hands like they were young and foolish, Nagito and Izuru talked about the chaotic few months, Izuru assuring the other it was just to soothe his nerves, knowing how anxious Nagito would get. The glistening of the water reflected in Nagito's green-grey eyes, the ghost of a smile on his face as he stared contentedly, hand still tight around Izuru's like they were the anchor to keep him going overboard. The ghostly grin even danced over Izuru's features, if only for a moment.
Nagito was nowhere to be seen as Koizumi did the role call for the boat. No one was surprised, but Izuru offered to go seek him out so they could depart without having to face any more of the annoying, frankly rude future foundation agents that seemed to view them all as wild animals. Izuru wouldn't mind putting on a show for the fools, but all calculations suggested the former remnants were still on thin ice, even if they were redeemed for now.
'Zuzu!' Called the voice of his love, no longer rough and hoarse like in despair, now softer and mellow. They turned in response to the voice, and caught sight of his signature cloudy mane. There was also a girl beside him. One who should be long dead.
'Zu, look! Chiaki survived! Isn't that just proof of her wonderful shining hope?' called Nagito, and Izuru could see the girl blush profusely.
How had this happened? He watched her die.
Izuru was brought back to reality as their love threw his arms around them, bouncing on the balls of his feet. The girl stood shyly a few feet behind. Hinata was clawing at their mind, begging to talk to her.
Izuru learned that day. They learned jealousy, in all its rotten glory.
Everyone was thrilled at the return of Nanami. Of course, given that her perceived death was the cause of the class' falling into despair, it was to be expected, but the hollow feeling Izuru felt grew stronger with every interaction they witnessed. And the slime of jealousy clouded through his mind, growing stronger and stronger over the next few weeks. At first, things were tolerable though irritating, as everyone wanted to spend time with the girl, so Izuru was still able to have Nagito to themself on occasion. They'd never considered themself to be possessive before now, but he couldn't help it.
Days passed into weeks, and Izuru was sure Hinata could sense the wave of negativity in their shareed headspace, but was either too kind or too afraid to mention it. People were often afraid of them.
Nanami wasn't.
A month of Nanami's return had passed, and Izuru had decided to take permanent residence in the headspace, forcing Hinata to the front 24/7. They stayed alone, reminiscing on the despair days. Awful though they were, Izuru had a purpose, and a partner, and even emotions, the kind that were bouncy and light, not the heavy, dark, crushing ones he felt now. He hated it. Being abandoned was fine before they had to bond with the person who would one day toss them out.
Nagito's words rung in his mind; ones he would always say when he told Izuru about Nanami. 'Doesn't this prove her wonderful shining hope?'
A long time ago, that was Izuru's title, one they did not care for but accepted anyway. Nagito, with his traumatised mind, had attached to an idea of hope as the one true good, and had sought it out, leading him to both Nanami and Izuru. But clearly, Izuru was a prototype, and a failure, in more ways than they'd anticipated. Nanami was more human than them anyway, and kinder, and probably loved Nagito more than he ever could. Who could believe a machine like them could love? It was a foolish notion to begin with, only a child could fall for the idea.
'Hey, Izu, are you, umm, coming out any time soon?' Hinata was talking to them. They ignored the boy and retracted further into their sulk.
'Taking that as a no then, dude,' Hinata said, the anxiety present in his voice, 'Just, Nagito keeps on asking me about you. It's... Kinda sad. Which is saying something. It's Nagito.'
Izuru refused to believe their headmate. However, cruelty to Nagito was not tolerated, and they immediately reminded Hinata of such.
'Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, he's not that bad, but please? Talk to the guy? You can't ignore me now or I'll keep saying mean shit about him.'
Izuru made it clear to voice their offence. They mulled it over. They decided they would at least have the decency to say goodbye to the luckster.
Izuru was instantly overwhelmed by the bright midday sun, and squeezed his eyes tight shut. Before doing so he caught sight of the white tufts of their lover's - their ex lover's(?) hair, unkempt as ever. There was no pink or brown to be seen, so they assumed the gamer was elsewhere.
'Izu?' asked Nagito, 'Hinata-kun doesn't hate the sun like you do, so it must be you, right?'
Izuru nodded, ignoring how Nagito bothered to remember small details about someone like him. They felt a hand in theirs, worn and boney, and let themself be lead somewhere, where his eyelids no longer burned a bright red. Cautiously, they opened a single eye, testing the new light levels. Once comfortable with the situation, he opened the other eye and tried not to stare at the other.
'Hey,' Nagito nearly whispered, 'It's been a while, Zu.'
He was right. Izuru wasnt sure, but they were certain they'd been hiding away for a week or more, and had had limited interactions with Nagito since the arrival of the partner he so clearly loved more.
'You're thinking too hard again Zu,' Nagito chided, and Izuru could hear the smile in his voice. But then he sighed, and for the first time in months they panicked.
'I think you and me need to talk about Chiaki, don't we?' He announced. One of the benefits of his autism meant Nagito would be straightforward and to the point... When his mental health wasn't spiraling and his speech along with it. Izuru forced a nod, gazing at a particularly uninteresting scuff mark on the tiling.
'It's OK if you don't like Chiaki much,' Nagito said, for some reason trying to reassure the meant to be emotionless scientific carcrash before him, 'You didn't know her, and I know how guilty you felt for her death. But she's here, and she's alive, and I'm very happy to see her again. But that doesn't mean you have to hide.' Izuru snorted, but only so they could knock hair into their face. They'd thank Hajime later for only cutting their hair down to bob length.
'Zu, I think you're forgetting a super important thing again,' said Nagito, as if he could have forgotten something even once, let alone twice, 'You're forgetting that annoying part of the human condition where we love.'
That confused Izuru.
'You... You know I love you, right?' Nagito asked. Izuru knew the answer was yes. But that wasn't the issue. He would always love Nanami more.
'I do love you Zu,' the man continued, having waited more than an acceptable amount of time for Izuru's answer, 'I love you, and I think you forgot how that works, didn't you? Or maybe I didn't teach you enough? But you know I've loved Chiaki all these years too, right?' Izuru could at least nod here, 'Good. So, my very smart and very lovely Ruru, why do you have to hide away now? You don't have to be jealous.' Izuru felt their partner's hand ghost across his cheek and leaned into the touch on instinct. For all the talents in the world, it appeared Izuru still had to learn the art of common sense.
'I'm so sorry Zu,' Nagito muttered, maybe under his breath, 'I'm so sorry, this is all my fault-' Izuru wrapped their arms around him, tight, and cried for the second time in his life. Nagito wept to, as he did more often than his partner, and neither spoke until they had calmed down.
'Izu?' Nagito whispered after a while, not leaving the comfort of their arms, 'Can we still, be, umm...'
'We can be partners, beloved. I would never deny you that.' Izuru said, burying their head into white curls.
'Thank you,' the man replied with a squeeze.'
'Anything for you, beloved,'
'Even with Chiaki? The three of us?'
'Whoever makes you happy.' Izuru paused for a moment to allow words to come forth again, 'Anyone who will make you happy love.'
'OK... That means you too... I love you.'
The pair were found later by Mahiru, dozing off in each other's embrace, and were reprimanded, though lightly, for missing out on their jobs. But at least a scolding while cuddling wasn't the worst. At least he wasn't abandoned.