Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A date wasn’t something Nagisa ever expected to add to his small list of life experiences. The boy he used to be had been too awkward, too wary of his mother’s control to even think about asking someone out. And who he was now? Well, people tended to find talking to him exhausting, either because he refused to answer their questions or simply because he was no longer capable of talking about anything with even the slightest hint of enthusiasm.

But, that wasn’t entirely true, was it? He mused to himself as he stared blankly at his reflection. Akari had never seemed bothered by his limited expressions or one word answers, she hadn’t even expressed any visible interest in the rumours until her own secret had come to light. To her, he hadn’t been a mystery to solve or the weird kid that most people avoided. Maybe that was because she hadn’t known him before, but whatever the case, he was thankful for it.

“Nagisa!” He heard his dad call out from the other room. “Kayano’s here!” Right. He brushed a steady hand through his undercut before heading out of his room.

Akari was talking to his dad when he entered the living room. She was beautiful. The observation wasn’t exactly surprising, he could admit that a part of him had been drawn to her when she’d made a point of talking to him long after most people usually gave up, it hadn’t taken long for her presence to become a familiar one.

It didn’t take her long to notice him, her eyes locking on his before he’d even had a chance to say anything. He felt a brief flash of confusion when he saw a small flush form on her cheeks, neither of them were dressed particularly fancy and it wasn’t as though he’d ever considered himself handsome, so he wasn’t entirely sure what was causing it.

“Ah, there you are.” His dad smiled, it was a cautious thing – most of his smiles were, at least where Nagisa was concerned – but it was there. “It was nice seeing you, Kayano.” He addressed their guest again, “You two have fun now.”

*-* *-* *-*

The problem with not concerning himself with dates, was that Nagisa wasn’t entirely sure what people were meant to do on one. All he really knew came from the brief snippets he’d caught of whatever movie or show his mother had put on, and it wasn’t like he got much from it, not when he’d usually been too focused on making it to his room before she noticed him.

He supposed he could’ve asked for a few ideas, but his options there were limited. His dad wasn’t exactly romantically-inclined, and it wasn’t a conversation topic he would’ve wanted to bring up with him anyway. Karma, as strained as their friendship was now, would hardly pass up the opportunity to tease him so he wasn’t an option. The only people that left were Korosensei and Bitch-sensei, the thought of asking either of them for advice had him shuddering, even with his stunted emotions.

Besides, the rational part of him pointed out as Akari latched onto his arm, he doubted she cared too much about the date being perfect. She had chosen to be with him after all. With that thought in mind, he decided to let her lead.

*-* *-* *-*

It surprises him when their first stop is a sushi bar, he raises a questioning brow at her when he catches her looking at him.

“Sushi is your favourite, right?” Ah, so that’s how they were doing this. He quirked his lip into a tiny smile as he let her pull him into the building. They didn’t stay for long, only eating a couple of plates each before deciding to see what else they could find.

His smile stretched a little wider when their next stop happened to be the new café Akari had mentioned wanting to check out. It hadn’t been planned, but he supposed that’s what made it enjoyable. Akari certainly seemed happy enough as they browsed the dessert menu with, in the end, was all that really mattered. Nagisa himself didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, or at least, not one that could compete with hers but he found himself enjoying the food anyway. He made a mental note to come back at some point in the future.

The rest of their date was mostly spent idly walking around town, occasionally ducking into a shop if they – mostly Akari – saw something interesting in the window. Maybe it wasn’t the most exciting way to pass the time, but it was peaceful, something which he knew he wasn’t alone in appreciating.

They stopped briefly in one of the nearby parks, claiming one of the vacant benches as a temporary resting spot. Neither of them spoke, content to just enjoy the company while they watch the younger kids play on the swings. It was starting to get late so it wasn’t surprising when the park started to empty, it wasn’t long before the two of them stood up to leave themselves.

*-* *-* *-*

The walk to Akari’s apartment was a short one, something which Nagisa imagined he’d probably be disappointed about if he was able. It was clear Akari had similar thoughts about the observation, that is, if the faint furrow to her brow was anything to go by. He decided to take that as a good sign.

“Today was fun.” She commented as she fiddled with a bag from one of the stores they’d checked out. It was a sentiment he shared, but he didn’t voice the thought out loud, describing something as fun would only seem hollow coming from him. Judging by her smile, Akari seemed to know what he was thinking.

“I mean it.” She hummed, reaching out her free hand to clasp one of his. “You’re quite the gentleman when you want to be.” She teased him softly before letting go. Nagisa stilled when she leaned forward to press a brief kiss against his cheek.

“Goodnight, Nagisa.” He watched as she walked towards the building. He didn’t start his own walk home until he saw the door shut behind her.

Chapter Text

Gone. It was the only thing he could bring himself to think about as he stared down at the knife in his hand. Korosensei was gone.

He wouldn’t be able to tell you who started crying first, but it was probably only a second before the rest of them started. Some of them tried to muffle their sobs but it hardly made a difference, not that it really mattered. No one could really judge them for it, but he could understand wanting to hide the hurt.

Nagisa saw the droplets splashing either side of the knife, felt the tears against his cheeks. He knew he was crying. The realisation didn’t surprise him as much as it probably should’ve done. He hasn’t cried in a long time, at least, not anything more than a few tears that used to occasionally slip out before he could hold the rest back. It wasn’t really surprising that this is what broke that streak.

He didn’t resist when he felt fingers gently prise his own from the knife, he already knew who it was. Akari gasped when his eyes met hers, he didn’t know what she saw but whatever it was had been enough to concern her.

He’s not sure how long they all there, not that he really cared. The Ministry would probably try to herd them out at some point, but Nagisa knew he wasn’t the only one who didn’t care about what they wanted, not after what they’d tried to pull. The mountain was E Class territory, and it had been E Class’ mission, the Ministry could wait. The sobbing faded into the occasional whimper, he knew it was because they were too worn out to continue.

Someone stood up eventually, he wasn’t sure who and he didn’t care enough to check. It took a bit more effort than he would’ve liked to get up himself, but he managed. He trudged up to the old building with the rest of the class, it seemed they were all of the same mind.

He noticed the books and diplomas waiting for them, it would’ve been strange if he hadn’t. He didn’t pay them much mind as he approached his desk, both books looked pretty hefty, there would be time to look over the contents later…preferably when his body didn’t feel heavy with something he couldn’t quite name.

Nagisa watched as Akari dropped into her seat, and slumped in his own shortly afterwards. The seats had never exactly been comfortable, but it was better than nothing, better than spending the night crouched on the field. He felt Akari’s hand slip into the one hanging limply at his side and did his best to return the gesture, his grip wasn’t as strong as he would’ve liked but he knew she didn’t mind.

He didn’t know when he fell asleep, but the sun was shining in the room when he woke up.

*-* *-* *-*

The actual graduation ceremony was dull in comparison, even to him, but after everything? Nagisa was reasonably certain that he wasn’t the one who’d had enough excitement for a while. He approached the front when he was prompted, and barely paid attention to the principal’s words before stepping aside for the next person.

The conversation with his dad was an awkward one, but he supposed that was to be expected. They’d got a lot better at communicating since he first moved in with him after the incident, but connecting emotionally wasn’t exactly easy when one was troubled by a mix of guilt and concern while the other couldn’t feel much of anything. The events of last night certainly didn’t make that any easier.

He caught Akari’s eye and didn’t think twice before waving her over. It wasn’t quite how he expected to drop the announcement, but it was a conversation he knew the three of them would find easier.

*-* *-* *-*

The ache didn’t go away. He felt it when he woke up, felt it during meals, felt it just before he went to bed. It was maddening but he didn’t act on the urge. He’d promised Korosensei he wouldn’t kill again, it would be disrespectful for him to go against it now, so he wouldn’t. That didn’t make the urge any less tempting, but Nagisa wasn’t one to break his promises.

It doesn’t take long for him to figure out a solution.

Contacting Lovro isn’t hard…at least, not as hard as he’d thought it would be. The call is one the old assassin had been expecting, even if the topic itself probably isn’t. The man respects his decision – seemed to have expected it – and tells him he’ll need some time to think about his proposal. Nagisa could tell it’s one he likes, but it’s not exactly one the man had been expecting to discuss with him.

It takes a few days for him to get the green light, days he spends mostly pressing a coin against his palm when the ache is particularly noticeable. There’s a lot he needs to learn, both about the darker corners of the world they live in, and about the care system. It’s difficult, but it’s something he throws himself into just as easily as he did the assassination.

He does a lot of the groundwork himself, it keeps him busy enough that he either doesn’t notice the ache, or he’s too tired to even think about acting on it. Finding the funds was easy, his share of the reward money from that year is definitely enough to get things moving, and he pretends not to notice the ‘anonymous’ donations that could only come from one of the few people aware of his little project.

Having an information network in the underground wasn’t something he ever really thought he’d have available to him, but it was a change he got used to quickly. His main source of information was still Lovro, but he paid attention to every report that crossed his desk, every report that mentioned a child left behind in the wake of an assassination.

There weren’t that many, at least, not that many who needed external help. As unfortunate as it was, it wasn’t exactly uncommon for assassins to take out anyone who might be a future problem alongside their actual target, and some of the children who managed to avoid such a fate still had family left to take them in. Of course – given his own familial experiences – he keeps an eye on them, but for the most part there isn’t much for him to do in those cases…at least, not yet.

The project keeps him busy, but in those rare quiet moments between dealing with the kids already in his care, filling out paperwork and communicating with his information network, his mind turned to his former classmates. His mind turned to the colour green. He’d sent letters when he could, but he knew that was probably only a mild comfort considering he’d left without saying a word.

He wasn’t sure what to label how he felt when he penned see you soon on the back of that photo but he decided it didn’t matter, he had time to figure it out. He started making arrangements only a day later.

Chapter Text

Akari hadn’t been expecting anyone that evening, she didn’t have any acting gigs lined up for a little while and none of her friends had called to give a heads up, so it was a surprise when she heard someone knock on the door. She hadn’t ordered anything, had she? Deciding she wouldn’t get any answers by doing nothing, she stood up to answer it.

Her eyes widened in shock when she saw who was waiting outside, she’d recognise that blue hair anywhere.

“Nagisa?” The man looked almost exactly the same as he had in the picture.

“Yeah, it’s me.” He smiled, it was a nervous thing and Akari noticed that it looked far more genuine than the ones she remembered from their 3-E days. “Sorry for keeping you waiting.” He apologised, something which she was quick to wave off. She’d read his letters, he’d already explained himself.

“Come on.” She gestured inside, thankful that she hadn’t decided to move after everything. “This isn’t a conversation for out here.” Nagisa didn’t argue – not that she thought he would – stepping into her apartment when she moved aside.

Leaving him to get settled, she walked into the area that served as her kitchen to prepare them both some coffee. Something told her they’d need it. The process didn’t take too long, something which she was thankful for as she grabbed the full mugs before heading back to the living room. Nagisa was perched on one of the couches, he was trying to appear casual but the subtle clenching of his fist – the one with the scar, she remembered – gave him away.

“Here.” She smiled, handing him one of the mugs before lowering into the other seat. “That still bothering you?” She nodded to his hand, watching as he brought it up to wrap around the porcelain.

“It still aches sometimes.” He answered. “But I don’t get the urge anymore, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He was calm as he said it, but Akari knew that getting rid of the urge probably wasn’t as easy as he wanted her to believe.

“Was that why you left?” Of course, she knew why it had taken him so long to get in touch, but why he left in the first place had always been a bit of a mystery. Not that she’d really been surprised when he did.

“Part of it.” He admitted, staring down at his drink. “I promised him I wouldn’t kill anymore, I always keep my promises.” He didn’t need to say who he was, they’d all been there when he made the promise, though Akari had been the only one to hear the words. “The urge made it difficult, I had to find a way to keep busy. Getting out of town helped.” Yes, she imagined it would, people often didn’t realise just how much difference a change in scenery made.

“Did you just get back?” She asked, deciding they could focus on the more depressing stuff another time. It was clear Nagisa appreciated the topic change, if the way his shoulders slumped was anything to go by.

“Yeah.” He hummed, taking a slow gulp from the mug. “Dropped some stuff off at my dad’s while he was at work so you’re the first person I’ve actually had a conversation with.” She smiled at that.

“Karma will be jealous.” Akari half-joked, making no attempt to hide her amusement. “But really, I’m the first? I’m honoured.” The blue haired man snorted, something which only had her smile stretching wider. Sure, it wasn’t quite a laugh, but it wasn’t a sound she’d ever expected to come from him.

“How are they?” He asked once the amusement faded. Her smile softened when she caught the guilt lacing his tone, she didn’t think twice before reaching out to grab his hand.

“They’re fine.” She reassured him. “Things were a bit shaky after what happened, but we’re all okay now.” She didn’t mention that they’d been worried about him, he could find that out himself. “In fact, we’ll be meeting up at the old campus next week. I’m sure they’d be happy to see you, that is, if you’re up for it?” Akari watched as he mulled over her words.

“Maybe.” He eventually nodded, it was a hesitant thing. “I’ll think about it.” She didn’t press the issue. Besides, it wasn’t like she knew how much time Nagisa had before he had to go back to the kids. Speaking of which…

“How are the kids doing?” The smile he wore now was a proud one.

“They’re great.” He hummed, reaching up to brush a few loose strands behind his ear. Nagisa’s hair was longer than it had been in E Class, but it wasn’t anywhere near the length it had been in some of the pictures his dad and Karma had showed her after he’d disappeared.

The conversation drifted into lighter topics then. Akari enthusiastically answered his questions about her work, about the antics she’d got up to with the others. And she listened as Nagisa spoke about the kids who may as well be his own, about some of the meetings he’d had with Lovro. He couldn’t go into too much detail, and a lot of the things he mentioned had already been covered in his letters, but Akari didn’t care. She’d almost forgot how much she enjoyed talking to him.

She hadn’t realised how long they’d been at it until she glanced at the clock, her eyes widening when she saw just how late it was.

“Ah, is that the time?” Nagisa spoke up when he realised the same thing. “Sorry, I hadn’t meant to take up so much of your time.” Akari was quick to brush it off.

“That’s not something you need to apologise for.” If she didn’t want to talk to him, she wouldn’t have. “Besides, I missed you.” She watched as he ducked his head.

“Sorry.” He apologised too much, she was just about to comment on it when she caught his next words. “I missed you too.” Shaking her head fondly, Akari reached out to grab his hand again.

“Hey, you’re staying with your dad while you’re back in town right?” She waited for him to nod. “Is he expecting you back tonight?”

“No, I don’t think so.” He shook his head. “I haven’t actually seen him yet, remember?” Oh right, he had said that. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s late.” She gestured to the window. “I know you can handle yourself, but I’d feel better if you stayed.” She watched as he considered her words, relaxing when he eventually nodded.

“Okay.” His gaze softened. “I’ll stay.”