Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Cookie shifted uncomfortably in the interrogation chair. The suspect seemed more impatient than anything else, though a small bead of capsicum-flavored sweat indicated at least a twinge of nervousness.

“I’ll ask again, Chili Pepper Cookie: do you have an alibi?” Almond Cookie asked, his hands folded on the table next to a lukewarm cup of coffee.

“My alibi is: I didn’t do it!” Chili Pepper scoffed.

“Of course she did it!” Someone interrupted from the doorway. “Stealin’s all she ever does.”

“Rye Cookie, while I appreciate your help in apprehending our suspect here, we still need to maintain a view of ‘innocent until proven guilty’ until we get enough evidence to actually convict someone,” Almond sighed, taking a sip from his coffee.

“She sure as heck ain’t innocent, though,” Rye muttered. Almond turned back to Chili Pepper.

“If ya really didn’t do it, I need you to be able to prove that. Where were you around the time the Soulstones were stolen?”

“Fine, you wanna know why I wasn’t the one taking the stone-thingies?” Chili Pepper responded. “I was busy getting some loot at the Jewelry Salon!”
Rye audibly grimaced. Almond sighed.

“So your alibi…for not stealing the soulstones, is that you were stealing jewelry instead?”

“Pff…yea. Cause when I steal things, I don’t get caught!”

“...You are currently in police custody.”

“Yea, but not for the crime I actually did!”

“Rye, was there a reported break-in at the Jewelry salon last night?” Almond asked, turning towards her slightly. Rye nodded.

“Well I suppose your alibi checks out, but since you’ve confessed to another robbery, you’ll be staying in custody.” He stood up and walked towards Rye. “I’m going to need to interview the witnesses again to see if I can get any more information or more
possible suspects. Your larcenist friend here will need to be brought to a cell in the meantime.”

“Hey, wait!” Chili Pepper called as Rye led her out in handcuffs. Almond narrowed his eyes and took another swig from his coffee before leaving the building to continue the investigation.

Almond returned to the castle to question any potential witnesses and see if anyone he’d previously interrogated had changed their story. From the previous information he’d gathered, he had a basic story of the crime put together:
In the middle of the night, someone broke into the castle vault and stole six soulstones, items imbued with life magic that were rumored to have the ability to strengthen, revive, or even replicate a cookie if used in the right kind of magic oven. The castle guards were asleep at the time of the break in. No flourensic evidence was found at the crime scene, but the most likely suspect, Chili Pepper Cookie, had already been apprehended by Rye Cookie- though, if her alibi of stealing from a different building at the time was correct, it would mean another thief was unaccounted for.
As the cookies all gathered in the meeting room, Almond prepared to ask more questions. The 3 guards, Milk, Purple Yam, and Knight Cookie, were some of the first to arrive, along with Pure Vanilla and Custard Cookie III. One of the last cookies to enter the room was someone Almond did not recall interrogating as a witness the first time around, meaning that she might have new information. The Cookie had long, leafy hair that curled up at either side, with an apparent bite taken out of the right leaf, and a red cherry tomato pinned up on that side of her head. She wore a puffy mozzarella sweatshirt with tomato sleeve cuffs, stained with what looked (and smelled) like balsamic vinegar.

“You’re late,” Almond pointed out to the new cookie. She gave him an annoyed look before sitting down.
“Is there a reason she wasn’t present for the first round of interrogations?” Almond asked, still scrutinizing the new cookie.

“Oh, Caprese Cookie is a new visitor to this kingdom!” Pure Vanilla Cookie responded, smiling warmly. “We always let new visitors spend a few nights in the castle to make them feel welcome. Caprese Cookie was still asleep this morning when the investigation first started. I didn’t want to wake her when she was so cozy on that marshmallow mattress. I’m sure that would’ve made her stay much less pleasant.”

“Has she at least been filled in on what occurred last night?”

“Something about something getting stolen,” Caprese responded.

“Six soulstones were stolen from the castle’s vault,” Almond explained. “Pure Vanilla Cookie, could you explain the value of these items again?”

“Ah, of course! Soulstones are concentrated pieces of life magic that can contain a cookie’s memories and personality. A Cookie can use soulstones imbued with their own energy to make themselves stronger, and it is believed that Witches can use these same stones to bake the same Cookie more than once.”

“And what purpose would a Cookie have for stealing such items?”

“Well, that I am not so sure of,” Pure Vanilla Cookie responded, glancing at the table in thought. “If soulstones can truly bake a cookie into two, perhaps they could rebake the crumbled. But, a Cookie cannot put their own life magic into a soulstone, only a witch can do that. The soulstones taken that night were not for a specific Cookie, and Cookies can only use soulstones with their own essence.”

"And how does a witch put a cookie's life magic into a soulstone?"

"The witches have kept many secrets of life magic away from the cookies. It is knowledge that no cookie I am aware of knows."

"Thank you, Pure Vanilla Cookie, for the overview," Almond said with a nod before turning towards Caprese Cookie.

“Caprese Cookie, where were you last night around the time of the break in?” Almond Cookie asked.

“I have no idea what time the break-in happened, but I was probably asleep in the guest room,” she responded, shrugging.

“That’s convenient,” Almond said softly as he jotted a note. Caprese gave him another look.

“Convenient to be asleep? At night?” She asked, though Almond couldn't discern if her tone was of annoyance or confusion.

“She was asleep when I went into Pure Vanilla’s room last night,” Custard Cookie III offered. “I had to walk by her room to get there.”

Almond was surprised by this new information, though it did give the newcomer a solid alibi.

“Why did you go into Pure Vanilla Cookie’s room last night?” Almond inquired.

“Well, see, um… I had a really bad dream last night, and it woke me up." Custard Cookie III paused. "Pure Vanilla Cookie always lets me sleep in his room when I get bad dreams…”

Almond looked the young cookie up and down with mild suspicion.

“And why didn’t you mention this information sooner?”

“Well…” Custard looked down at the ground sheepishly. “Kings are supposed to be brave! Not scared of bad dreams!”

“What was the dream about?” Caprese Cookie asked, tilting her head to the side. Custard looked as if he was about to answer, but Almond waved his hand dismissively.

“The content of Custard Cookie’s-” Almond began.

“The third!” Custard Cookie III added.

“...The third’s… dream has no relevance to this case,” Almond finished. “If you’re curious about the dream, I suggest you ask him after the interrogations are over.”

He turned towards the side of the room where the guards were seated.

“How was it the case that all three of you were asleep at the time of the break in?”

Knight Cookie was the first to respond.

“Well, each of us takes shifts. I usually start my patrol shift before sunrise and end at noon, then Milk Cookie takes over from noon to evening, and Purple Yam Cookie takes the overnight shift.”

“And the break-in occurred near the end of Purple Yam Cookie’s shift, at which time he had already fallen asleep?”

“I didn’t FALL asleep!” Purple Yam interjected. “Something MADE me sleep!”

“...That’s called being tired,” Knight Cookie responded. Yam looked at him as if he was preparing to punch him in the face.

“What made you think that something caused you to fall asleep? As opposed to falling asleep normally?” Almond asked.

“I don’t just FALL asleep! I SAW something…”

“You saw something that caused you to fall asleep?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” AND I DON’T LIKE THAT!” Purple Yam growled in frustration.

“What exactly did you see?”

“STOP asking me QUESTIONS!”

“This is an interrogation, Purple Yam Cookie. It is my job to ask questions.”

Purple Yam glared but stayed silent.

“Purple Yam Cookie told me that he saw something like a light, or possibly a shadow, before he fell asleep,” Milk Cookie offered. “I know that doesn’t narrow anything down much, but I hope that helps.”

Almond thought for a moment.

“Is it perhaps possible that Purple Yam Cookie saw two separate things?” Almond thought aloud. Milk Cookie shrugged.

“Knight Cookie found him asleep when he went to start his shift, and saw that stuff was missing from the vault when he went in to see if anything was amiss. I don’t know if anyone else was awake at the time to see anything.”

“Do you know how the thief was able to access the vault?”

“The door was still locked when I found Yam,” Knight Cookie responded. “There isn’t a way into the vault without the key, and the key is kept safe in Pure Vanilla’s room.”

“Would Custard Cookie III have had access to the key, given that he was in Pure Vanilla’s room last night?” Almond asked. The room looked at him in bewildered silence.

“I’m sorry, are you accusing a child?” Caprese asked with a combination of annoyance, disbelief, and grogginess, apparently still drowsy from her late wake-up.

“I’m simply assessing every possible angle for this case,” Almond responded.

“I don’t think the timing is right for it to have been Custard Cookie,” Knight Cookie responded.

“And why would he attempt to steal from his own castle?” Milk added.

“Kings don’t steal!” Custard Cookie responded adamantly before pouting.

Almond Cookie sighed.

“Let’s take a 15. I’ll get a security team to come down to the vault and install some anti-theft spells on the vault and its contents. We’ve had good success in protecting the museum with enchantments, and we’ll also be able to detect any attempts at using magic in the vicinity. In the meantime, I want everyone to keep an eye on each other to make sure no one wanders off.”

Almond got out his walkie-talkie and left the room.

“Dispatch, could I get a team out to The Custard Castle? I need some flourensics and magic security out at the vault.”

After he’d relayed all the relevant information to dispatch, he pulled out his notebook to plan out the next step in his investigation. The two cookies he felt he needed more information from were Knight Cookie and Caprese Cookie. Since Knight was the first to notice something was off, he would’ve been the most likely to notice details about the crime scene that would have dissipated over time. Theoretically, this also could have given him a chance to access the vault as well. As for Caprese, Almond simply didn’t have enough information for her on file. The fact that she had recently arrived in town shortly before the theft made her at least somewhat suspicious, which was reason enough to scrutinize her and her alibi. He put his notes away and headed back into the interrogation room.

“Everyone, I’m gonna take some individual cookies aside. Knight Cookie, Caprese Cookie, I need you both to come with me.”

“Caprese Cookie’s been napping for a while, though,” Milk Cookie noted, pointing to an unconscious Caprese Cookie still slumped over the table.

“How long has she been like that?” Almond Cookie asked, inspecting the sleeping cookie. Milk shrugged slightly.

“Probably for most of the break? I didn’t see her move.”

Custard approached Caprese Cookie and poked her gently on the head. She groaned groggily and shook her head slightly before looking up, adjusting her tomato hairpin.

“Wha-?”

“Detective Cookie needs you,” Custard Cookie III explained. Caprese looked at Almond.

“Alright, fine,” she said, getting up and stretching before walking towards Almond.

“The rest of you are free for now,” Almond announced. “Caprese and Knight Cookie, come with me.”

As he led the two cookies to a smaller room, he heard a beep from his radio.

“Almond Cookie, what’s your twenty?” a voice crackled from the radio.

“Still at the castle, doing some last interrogations.”

“Roger that. Teams just arrived on scene, will be checking out the vault shortly.”

“Alright, copy.”

Almond looked back at the two cookies and debated who to interview first.

“Knight Cookie, why don’t you come follow me into the room here. Caprese, stay outside the door and I’ll call you in when we’re done.”

Almond shut the door behind them once he and Knight Cookie were in the room. They both sat down at a chair.

“What were you doing before arriving at the vault?” Almond Cookie asked.

“I was getting ready for my shift, of course. I have to polish and temper my armor regularly to prevent the chocolate from scratching or blooming.”

“Did you notice anything unusual while getting ready for your shift or on the way there?”

“Not until I saw Purple Yam Cookie while I was walking over, no.”

“At what point did you realize the vault had been robbed?”

“Well, I knew something was wrong when I found Purple Yam Cookie unconscious,” Knight Cookie explained, pausing for a moment to think. “At first I thought he could have fallen asleep, and the vault wasn’t visibly short on anything, but when I woke him up it was clear something was off.”

“And what made it clear something was off?”

“Well, he was rambling about a flash of light, that he fell asleep suddenly. But I guess, really, it was just a hunch. Sometimes you can tell something is off even when you can’t tell why. Hunches like that can save your life when you’re being hunted by a beast in the forest.”

Almond nodded.

“I suppose that is all my questions for now. When you leave, please send Caprese Cookie in.”

Knight Cookie nodded. He held the door open for Caprese on her way in and she giggled at his chivalrous behavior. As she sat down on the empty chair she raised an eyebrow at Almond.

“You gonna ask me questions?”

“Yes, that is the purpose of an interrogation,” Almond responded dryly. Caprese leaned back in her chair.

“Before we get into the case, I want to know more about you. What brings you to the Cookie Kingdom?” Almond Cookie asked.

“Well I guess…research? I like visiting new places to learn things. But, the food also attracted my attention.”

“And where are ya from, originally?”

“I travel so much at this point that there isn’t really a good answer for that.”

“Surely you came from a certain place, even if ya never stayed there long.”

Caprese waved dismissively.

“I don’t have a good answer. If I gave a name, it would be made-up, anyways.”

“Very well. Did you notice anything unusual last night?”

“Not really, not that I know what’s ‘usual’ in a place I’m unfamiliar with. Vanilla was really generous with the guest room and dinner last night, but he’s royalty or something.”

“And when did you go to sleep?”

“Probably around the time everyone else did. The bed was really squishy and soft, fell asleep pretty quick.”

“If you were asleep all night last night, how is it that you slept late this morning, and fell asleep during our break just now?”

Caprese shrugged.

“Usually I have insomnia. A big comfy bed like that probably gave my body the opportunity to catch up on sleep.”

“Did you wake up at any time during the night?”

“No, I get the kind of insomnia where I have trouble falling asleep. Once I’m asleep I stay asleep.”

Almond glanced down at his notes.

“What do you know about soulstones?”

“I know what Vanilla told us earlier. They’re magic rocks that have like, cookie essences in ‘em. And… they’re made of sugar? Right?”

“Yes, I believe they are made of sugar.”

“Ha!” Caprese said triumphantly, as if she had solved a difficult puzzle.

“Nearly all rocks are made of sugar…” Almond pointed out.

“Nu-uh! Petrified roll cake logs are stone too!”

“Well, I’m a detective, not a geologist,” Almond responded.

Caprese made an odd noise with her mouth before shrugging.

“Got more questions?”

“Possibly one,” Almond answered. “Would I be able to search your room for evidence?”

Caprese squinted as if considering something, then shrugged again.

“Sure, whatever.”

“Then we’ll go there now to ensure any potential evidence won’t be tampered with.”

He led Caprese out the door and upstairs to the sleeping quarters. Pure Vanilla Cookie met them in the hallway.

“Oh, hello!” Pure Vanilla Cookie greeted. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m going to be performing a search of the guest room. Please stay out here with Caprese Cookie during the investigation.”

As Almond entered the room, he heard Caprese instigate small talk with Pure Vanilla regarding the tapestries decorating the hallway. He ignored them and continued searching.

He began his search at the bed. Nothing under the pillows or wrapped up in sheets. Nothing under the mattress, or under the bed itself. Nothing in drawers, or the closet, or the floor. The room was barren of anything besides bedding and furniture. The only exception was a used plate, which appeared to have residue left over from what was once a Bear Jelly. Satisfied his search was exhaustive, he pulled his head outside into the hallway.

“Would you two mind entering the room?”

Pure Vanilla and Caprese Cookie followed him inside.

“Caprese Cookie, where do you keep your personal items?”

“...What?” Caprese responded, confused.

“Surely ya must have a bag or something that you travel with? Notes from the research you mentioned? Souvenirs from your travels?”

“Uh…”

“Caprese Cookie, where are your things?”

“Oh, I don’t write notes. I just keep everything in my head,” Caprese explained, staring off into space.

“Ya can’t keep objects in your head now, can ya?”

“Oh, I just pack light?”

Almond noticed that Caprese’s hands were tucked somewhat deep into her mozzarella sweatshirt pockets.

“Empty your pockets,” Almond ordered, sighing. Caprese obeyed, scattering the contents onto the floor. Several smaller objects skittered out of sight.

“What on Earthbread?” Almond started. Caprese stared at the floor and started giggling.

All the items now scattered onto the floor were much too small to be a soulstone. It was a collection of mostly-useless junk: several sugar cube pebbles, three blueberry bird feathers, two raisin crow feathers, a piece of fabric, a handful of coins, five leaves, and a strip of roll cake bark.

“I don’t empty out my pockets very much,” Caprese Cookie admitted.

“You are one odd cookie, ma’am,” Almond sighed. “But odd isn’t the same as guilty. You’re free to leave, for now.”

As he got outside, he found the security and flourensic teams stationed outside the vault. They had already finished their work. Almond Cookie recognized Tonic Cookie from meters away. The flourensic team specialist had bright blue hair that practically glowed in the sunlight. They looked over at Almond as he approached.

“Ah, good to see you’re here,” Tonic Cookie noted. “All the flourensic and magic tests have been completed. There is no physical evidence of any kind, but the magic detection scans revealed use of teleportation magic inside the vault at the approximate time of the break in, and shortly before noon this morning. Vault inventory indicates that two more soulstones are missing.”

“Shortly before noon?” Almond asked, thinking. “But that’s when we were doing the interrogations earlier. That means that everyone who was in the room is innocent!”

Chapter Text

Almond found Pure Vanilla in the castle’s flower garden, relaxing peacefully under a tree full of blueberry birds.

“Is that Almond Cookie?” Pure Vanilla Cookie asked without opening his eyes. “I can sense that you are stressed. Please, come sit down for a moment. It is very peaceful here.”

“I’m afraid I don’t have time,” Almond Cookie responded. Pure Vanilla Cookie frowned.

“There was another break in, during the interrogation,” Almond continued. “Two more soulstones have gone missing, but we know that the culprit was using teleportation magic to get into the vault. We’ve increased the vault’s security to prevent teleportation-based access. We now know that the culprit can only be a cookie with the ability to use teleportation magic, and cannot be anyone who was in the interrogation room at the time. I believe the perpetrator was aware that all the guards were away from the vault during the interrogation.”

“I see…” Pure Vanilla responded. “I suppose that is a cause for concern. But I’m sure you have everything under control. Do make sure to take a rest, though. You’ve been pushing yourself rather hard.”

“I suppose I could use a coffee break,” Almond conceded on his way out.

As Almond made his way out of the castle, he bumped into GingerBrave and Strawberry Cookie.

“Hey, Almond Cookie!” GingerBrave called to him, apparently oblivious to Almond being in a hurry. “We’re gonna have a big jelly barbecue tonight, we were just on our way to invite Pure Vanilla Cookie, but we’ve got enough stamina jellies to feed the whole kingdom! Would you wanna come?”

“Maybe, kid. I’m still in a rush to finish this case.”

“Oh, but you’ve been working so hard, man! At least stop by and pick up some jellies for the road, we’ll have plenty.”

“I’ll think about it,” Almond responded before continuing towards the door.

Almond sat at the table and picked up a newspaper to read as he waited for his coffee to be ready. An article on the front page caught his attention and gave him some concern:

Lead Hollyberry Kingdom Detective Most Recent In String of Disappearances.

He read further:

Almond prepared to turn the page before freezing upon seeing the next headline down:

Young Detective Prodigy Takes on The Hollyberry Jungle Disappearance Case.

Almond sighed. Even if he wasn’t a detective he would’ve known who that headline was talking about.

“Walnut…” He sighed again, putting his forehead into his hand. He read on:

While Almond was proud of his daughter’s skill as a detective, he was always concerned that Walnut would end up taking on cases way over her head. The fact that an older, more experienced detective had gone missing while investigating the same case Walnut had chosen to take on meant that Walnut could be putting herself in danger of going missing as well. There were just too many possibilities. Had Lemon Wafer Cookie gotten lost in the jungles? Were the missing children simply runaways? Or were all three of them the victim of some monster in the forest, or even worse, a cereal killer?

He retrieved his coffee as soon as it was ready and headed to the nearest phone booth to call home. A friendly voice answered the phone.

“Hello!”

“Latte Cookie?”

“Oh! Hi Almond Cookie!” Latte Cookie responded cheerfully. “Are you calling to see how Walnut Cookie is doing?”

“She hasn’t been too much trouble to babysit, has she?” Almond inquired. Latte Cookie had offered to watch Walnut while Almond was out of town, but Almond wasn’t sure how well Latte would be able to take care of Walnut if she was off on a case.

“Oh, she’s been great!” Latte responded. “I’ve been practicing my magic curriculum with her! I haven’t been teaching any spells, but she’s been a great listener during my practice lectures. Right now she’s all off in a hurry packing her things for some big case she’s planning to work on.”

“Can you get her on the phone for me, please?” Almond requested, taking a quick sip from his coffee.

“Walnut, your dad’s on the line!” Latte Cookie called away from the phone. Almond heard footsteps and shuffling of the phone before he heard his daughter’s voice on the line.

“Hi, Dad!” Walnut responded. “Did you hear about the case I got?”

“Yes, that’s actually the reason I’m calling.”

There was a pause on the other end.

“Dad, I can handle this case on my own, I promise!”

“I would have at least preferred you contacted me first so we could discuss this. Walnut, you are very talented for your age, and I’m proud of ya for that, but this case is more than just putting all the clues together. The last cookie to investigate this case went missing. If this case is dangerous enough to make a seasoned detective go MIA, I’m worried you could end up as the fourth missing cookie in this case.”

Almond heard Walnut scoff on the other line.

“I’ll be fine!”

“At least find time for us to meet together before ya start the investigation. This theft case I’m working on should be wrapped up soon and I’ll feel much more comfortable about the disappearance case if we can work on it together.”

“A theft case?” Walnut’s tone brightened. “Any chance it could be Roguefort Cookie?”

“Negative,” Almond replied, shaking his head despite Walnut being unable to see him on the other end of the phone. “No call signs, no crumbs, no mold spores.”

“Did the clues show you who did it?”

“Also negative. We have a suspect in custody but she has an alibi. All other evidence is circumstantial, but I’ve called some teams over to increase the compromised vault’s security and check for any more evidence.”

“I bet I can help!” Walnut claimed confidently. “We can work on both cases together!”

“Together? But isn’t the missing cookies case from the Hollyberry Kingdom area?”

“Yea, that’s kinda one of the interesting things with this case!" She paused. "Mulberry and Boysenberry Cookie were last seen near the Hollyberry Jungle, but Lemon Wafer Cookie was last seen in the forests near The Cookie Kingdom. If we can track down Lemon Wafer Cookie, it will probably lead us to the Hollyberrians, too!”

“Are you planning to come and stay with me?” Almond asked.

“Yup! I’m packing my things right now, there’s a train that goes straight from here to the Cookie Kingdom! It’s fast enough that I’ll probably be able to meet with you in time for dinner.”

“Alright, I’ll listen for the train and meet you at the station, then.”

“Alright, Dad, see you then.”

“Stay safe, Walnut.”

“I will.”

Almond left the phone booth and headed off to the cookie house he was staying in to work on putting the evidence he had together. He had set up a large pin board with beveled chocolate trim to organize any clues and leads in the case. He moved the pin holding Chili Pepper Cookie’s mugshot to make room for more possible suspects. With the old information he had, the only cookies who had access to the vault or the key the night of the break in were Pure Vanilla Cookie, Custard Cookie III, and the three guards. Almond doubted Pure Vanilla or Custard could be responsible, as there would be no reason to rob your own belongings, aside from insurance fraud, but the stolen items were not insured, either. As for the guards, Almond didn’t really see any of them as a strong suspect, but if it was a guard, it would either be Knight Cookie acting alone, or Milk and Purple Yam Cookie working together. The evidence collected from the magic detection scans, however, threw these theories out the window. It was now nearly impossible for any of the cookies in the interrogation room earlier to be responsible for the theft, unless working with an accomplice. His primary suspicions still lay on Caprese and Knight Cookie, despite their presence during the most recent robbery, but a hunch was hardly sufficient to solve a case. What he did know about the culprit at this point, however, was this:
The cookie responsible knows how to use teleportation magic, has a reason to steal soulstones, and knew that all three guards were away from the vault while the interrogations were happening.
Once he was satisfied that the clues on the board had been sufficiently organized, he got his investigation gear back together and headed back to the castle.

By the time Almond had finished, it was nearing sunset. He decided to head out to get dinner, but on the way he heard the distant whistle of a train.

“Walnut!” He remembered, hurrying off towards the station.

When he arrived at the station, the train was still continuing its approach. Almond watched the sun dip under the horizon as he waited, the sky turning orange and pink. After a few minutes the train finally stopped and the doors opened with a hissing noise.

“Dad!” Walnut called as she raced off the train, bumping into several cookies on the way down the platform with her luggage before reaching her father. They both gave each other a hug.

“How was the trip?”

“Oh, it was great, the train went through a lot of cool landscapes,” Walnut responded cheerfully. "I had a lot of time to think over the case."

A muffled meow came from Walnut’s cap. It moved a little before falling off, revealing a somewhat displeased looking Constable Whiskers.

“Oh… you brought the cat.”

“Yea! But the train said no pets, so I hid them in my hat!”

Constable Whiskers meowed again before jumping off Walnut’s head and rubbing against Almond’s legs.

“Well, I suppose it’s good timing that you arrived when you did,” Almond said, waiting as Walnut recaptured the cat. “We’ve got a pretty major break in the case. I’ve ruled out everyone who’s been interrogated and every suspect as well, and the culprit is a cookie who knows how to use teleportation magic.”

“That narrows it down a lot!” Walnut agreed. Whiskers meowed.

“We’ll be able to drop your stuff at the house and then we’ll be able to go over the case together.”

“And I can tell you more about the clues in my case, too,” Walnut added, attempting to shove the animal back under her hat. The attempt was unsuccessful and Constable Whiskers leapt out of her grip, meowing with annoyance but staying by her side.

"Ok, you can walk. Just don't run away," Walnut conceded.

As they headed to the house, Walnut admired the castle towering above the rest of the town.

"That's the Custard Castle," Almond explained. "That's where I've been spending a lot of time on my case."

"It looks really pretty," Walnut observed. "And there's tons of places a clue could hide in such a big building."

Almond nodded and smiled.

"It's been a tough case to crack, for sure. But, I'm confident we'll have it solved quickly with the two of us working together."

Once they were situated back in the house, Walnut pulled out her case’s files and joined Almond in his work space.

“Alright, Walnut. Here’s the situation we have with this theft case. Six soulstones were stolen last night from the castle vault, and another two were stolen shortly before lunch today. The primary suspect has an alibi, as she was too busy stealing something else to have been able to steal the soulstones as well. All witnesses have been exonerated, as they were all present at interrogations while the second robbery was taking place. That means that all of these cookies are innocent.” 

Almond placed a note in the center of the desk with the following names:
Pure Vanilla Cookie
Custard Cookie III
Knight Cookie
Purple Yam Cookie
Milk Cookie
Chili Pepper Cookie
Caprese Cookie

“We know that the thief used teleportation magic to break in, so we’re gonna need a list of all cookies in the kingdom with the ability to use teleportation magic.”

“What about the previous suspect’s alibi? Are you sure both thefts happened at the same time?” Walnut pointed out. “And if teleportation magic was used, couldn’t a thief make two robberies in a short period? They wouldn’t have to spend time going between locations.”

“That might be a good lead to check on,” Almond agreed.

“Can I tell you about my case now?” Walnut asked excitedly. Almond nodded.

“Alright, so Mulberry and Boysenberry Cookie are siblings," Walnut paused to set a case folder onto the table. "They usually play in the jungle right outside the Hollyberry Kingdom in their free-time, but the day they went missing, Mulberry and Boysenberry had some sort of argument and Boysenberry ran off. Mulberry chased him into the forest and no one has seen them since.”

“But you said that Lemon Wafer Cookie was last seen closer to here? The Cookie and Hollyberry Kingdoms are pretty far apart.”

Walnut Cookie frowned.

“Yeah, that’s something I haven’t figured out either. Lemon Wafer Cookie keeps all her investigation notes in a journal, and she had it with her when she went missing. That’s why I want to look for Lemon Wafer Cookie first. If we find her, or at least find her notebook, we should be able to piece together the case. She was last seen entering the forest just outside town here.”

Walnut pulled up a map and brushed her hand over the general area.

“It’s a bit too late to search the forest tonight,” Almond Cookie pointed out. “We have enough daylight to investigate the robbery suspect’s alibi in town, but by the time we would reach the forest it would already be dark.”

“Alright, robbery investigation it is!” Walnut announced, grabbing her hat and jumping towards the doorway. Almond smiled at his daughter's enthusiasm.

As they reached the jewelry shop, they were greeted by Tonic Cookie, who appeared to be somewhat cross with Almond.

“You neglected to mention there were two crime scenes in the area,” Tonic accused. “Dispatch had to send us back here after we’d already packed everything back up to leave.”

“Apologies. I was so focused on the case I was assigned that I forgot to mention the other robbery.”

“Anyhow, tests are done,” Tonic continued, dismissively passing a copy of the files to Almond. “No signs of any magic usage, hot sauce residue detected inside the store near the missing items.”

“So it was Chili Pepper,” Almond noted. “She has already been apprehended and is in custody as we speak.”

“And no teleportation magic means it wasn’t the same perp!” Walnut chimed in.

“If you need any more crime scene testing, make sure you give us all of the relevant crime scenes next time,” Tonic Cookie said, huffing off with the last of the testing kits.

“What’s up with them?” Walnut asked. Almond shrugged.

“I think they were upset about dragging all the teams and tests around today.”

“It’s a pretty good view of the castle from here,” Walnut noted. There was a straight line of sight between the shopfront and the castle gates.

“You might even be able to see where the guards are stationed outside of the vault from here,” Almond added. “Actually, I think I can see Milk Cookie from here, yes. That means Chili Pepper Cookie could have had a view of the vault during the robbery.”

“Let’s go ask her!” Walnut suggested.

Almond and Walnut made their way back to the jail, where they found Rye Cookie keeping guard.

“I’d like to interrogate Chili Pepper Cookie again,” Almond explained.

“Ain’t she already been found guilty?” Rye asked.

“Well, she’s guilty of the jewelry shop robbery,” Almond responded. “But she may be a witness to the soulstone robbery, so we need to find out if she saw anything.”

“A’right, then. This way, folks.”

Rye led them over to the cell Chili Pepper was being held in.

“I ain’t letting her out, though, so y’all better interview her from outside here.”

“Ugh, finally, something’s happening,” Chili Pepper Cookie groaned. “Jail’s so boring!”

“We’d like to ask you some more questions about last night,” Almond explained.

“I already told you, I was too busy to steal those stone things.”

“We know. I want to know if you saw anything happening by the castle while you were robbing the jewelry store.”

“I was kinda focused on the stealing,” Chili Pepper admitted. “I wasn’t looking towards the castle.” She paused for a moment.

“Well, actually, I did see something a little weird, like a flash of light. I went for cover when I saw it ‘cause I thought someone was looking around with a flashlight. It looked like it kinda came from the castle area.”

“That lines up with Purple Yam Cookie’s testimony,” Almond noted. “He thought he saw a flash of light before passing out.” He thought for a moment.

“I think that’s all the questions we have for now. We’ll be on our way.”

“Ugh, you cops oughta at least give me something to do in here. I’ve been in here the whole day.”

“You’ll have to ask Rye about that,” Almond responded before he and Walnut left the building.

As he and Walnut headed back towards the house, musing together over their cases, they heard what sounded like a party nearby. A voice called out to them.

“Almond Cookie!” GingerBrave called. “Come join us for the barbecue!”

“Barbecue!?” Walnut responded excitedly. Almond sighed.

“Yea!” GingerBrave continued. “We just got a bunch of jelly kabobs together and a fire going. You guys are just in time!”

A few cookies were already seated around the campfire roasting their kabobs and chatting. Walnut grabbed a kabob and sat down at an empty stump by the fire before Almond could say anything. He could tell the cookies were in the middle of telling campfire stories, and all seemed to be enjoying themselves.

“And out of the jungle, a massive cookievorous plant lept out onto the path!” Knight Cookie continued.

“He tried to fight it but got wrapped up in its vines!” Princess Cookie added.

“I was able to fend it off!” Knight Cookie insisted. Princess Cookie laughed.

“I had to run into the jungle after you!”

“Fine, both of us fended it off.”

“I thought you said Hollyberry Cookie appeared and helped you finish it off?” GingerBrave asked. There was a pause.

“We did most of the work!” Princess Cookie argued. Caprese Cookie giggled.

“Wanna hear about something scarier than cookievorous plants?” Caprese Cookie offered mischievously. All cookies focused their attention on her.

“Have you ever heard of great, cookievorous beasts nearly the height of mountains? With mouths wide enough to fit an entire sugar horse and full of liquid that can make a cookie get soggy and dissolve within seconds ?" She paused for effect. "-And long, claw-like fingers that can catch even the fastest of cookies-”

Two tendrils of string cheese emerged from behind Caprese Cookie, splitting into pieces to resemble hands preparing to grab something.

“-and a constant, insatiable craving for the sugary, chewy crunch of cookie dough in their teeth!”

Almond noted the reactions of the other cookie’s present. Princess and Knight Cookie seemed to be enjoying the story, and Walnut had pulled herself to the edge of her seat, apparently both to hear the story and to get her kabob closer to the fire. Strawberry Cookie and GingerBrave seemed a bit less excited for the tale. GingerBrave was shifting uncomfortably, and Strawberry Cookie had disappeared into her hoodie.

“What are they called?” Walnut asked. “The monsters?”

Caprese let out an evil laugh.

“These creatures are known as humans!”

“I could take one down,” Knight Cookie scoffed. “I’ve fought dragons before!”

“Oh, they’re much bigger than dragons!” Caprese responded. “They’d eat some cookies for breakfast and a dragon for lunch! But if you do get caught by a human, your death will be fast and painless, they like to bite off cookies’ heads first!” Caprese chomped down on her kabob and tore off a large piece of jelly, chewing loudly.

“That sounds…like a-” Strawberry Cookie muttered. She and GingerBrave exchanged glances and GingerBrave nodded.

“...are humans similar to…witches?” Gingerbrave asked, concerned. Caprese shrugged.

“Mphf, yea, similar,” Caprese responded, mouth still half-full of jelly.

“Have you ever seen a human?” Walnut asked, adjusting herself on the stump to better roast her jellies.

“Oh, I’ve seen hundreds!” Caprese answered. Walnut looked surprised.

“How do you survive so many?” Walnut asked. Caprese seemed caught somewhat off guard.

“Hmm?”

“She has a good point,” Almond responded. “If your story has any sort of validity, surely you must have escaped. After all, you’re here now to tell this story. Or might this story of tall monsters be nothing more than a tall tale?”

Caprese gave Almond an annoyed look before shaking it off and answering Walnut’s question.

“It’s all about luck. Obviously, if they don’t see or hear you, that’s your best bet. Hiding won’t always work, ‘cause if they see you run off, they’ll start looking for you, and they’re pretty smart. Plus, some of them are picky eaters; they might just choose not to eat ya.”

“How do you know so much about these creatures?” Princess Cookie asked.

“Well, I’m from a place really far away from here. There’s humans everywhere. Kinda… too many.” Caprese looked down. “I research stuff all the time. I like to learn stuff, so I know a lot of things.”

“What’s the place you’re from like?” Princess Cookie asked. “It might be kinda exciting to see a human from a distance!” Knight Cookie looked at her in shock.

“It… doesn’t matter,” Caprese Cookie responded quietly. “It- doesn’t exist anymore.”

“Oh no!” Princess Cookie responded, concerned. “Did humans destroy your homeland?”

Caprese was silent for a moment.

“I guess… a human destroyed it.” Caprese stared at the ground. Her hands started to clench before she huffed and stormed off towards the table with food. She grabbed a second kabob.

“I think I’m done. I’m gonna take these for the road,” Caprese announced, taking another bite from her first kabob in apparent frustration before walking away from the group. Everyone was silent until she disappeared from view.

“She was having such a good time telling the first part of the story,” Walnut observed.

“Oh, I feel a bit bad now…” Princess Cookie muttered. “Maybe I brought up some bad memories with the questions I asked.”

“Oh, it’s not your fault!” GingerBrave reassured.

“It’s natural to ask questions, especially with a story as far-fetched as that,” Almond Cookie added.

“You don’t believe her?” GingerBrave asked, surprised. “But…”

“Her body language…something’s not right," Almond answered, shaking his head in thought. "She’s either changed part of that story, or chose to keep something out.”

“If where she lived was destroyed, that probably brings up some bad memories for her!” GingerBrave argued. “She probably doesn’t wanna think about that stuff.”

“Why would she bring up humans at all, then?” Walnut asked. “She was having fun with the first part of that story. It wasn’t until Princess Cookie asked how Caprese Cookie knew about humans and where she was from that Caprese Cookie got upset.”

Almond nodded.

“Walnut, I’ll let ya stay at the fire until you’re finished eating, but I want ya to head straight to the house when you’re done. And if one of you older cookies could go with her, I’d greatly appreciate it. We have a lot of casework to do tomorrow and I need some time at the house to prepare."

“Alright, dad,” Walnut nodded.

Almond spent the walk back home alone with his own thoughts. While he was somewhat concerned about Walnut coming back home with another cookie, he trusted Gingerbrave and most of the other cookies enough to bring his daughter back safely. She'd solved cases on her own before, after all, she could certainly take care of herself.

When he got to the house, he spent some time reviewing the flourensic reports Tonic Cookie had given him. There was indeed no sign of magic at the jewelry shop, so the conclusion he had made in regards to the case still stood.

After some time, he heard cookie voices outside. He went to the door as the doorbell rang and opened it to find his daughter, along with Gingerbrave and Strawberry Cookie. The two of them said goodbye and wished them a goodnight before heading out.

"How was the rest of the party, kiddo?" Almond asked as Walnut came inside.

"It went well," Walnut nodded. "The cookies had a lot more interesting stories to tell. It started to get a lil windy, though, and it put out the fire, so we decided to call it a night."

"Might be good for us to call it a night too, kid. Got a big day ahead of us tomorrow."

Walnut nodded and the two of them got ready for a night of sleep.
 

The next day Walnut and Almond got up early and headed to the cafe for breakfast and coffee. Walnut had ordered a hot chocolate (per Cocoa Cookie's recommendation) as well as a fruit jelly salad. Almond had his usual; dark roast coffee and a scone jelly. As they sat down to eat, they noticed GingerBrave and Wizard Cookie as they walked by. Walnut Cookie waved them over.

“Hi!”

“Good morning!” GingerBrave greeted, smiling at the duo.

“Did everything go ok the rest of the night?” Walnut asked. GingerBrave’s smile faded.

“The party went fine, but I heard that Caprese Cookie packed up all her stuff last night and left the castle. No one’s seen her since.”

“Oh, I hope she’s ok,” Walnut said. “Where could she have gone? Hopefully not into the forest at night.”

"I'm sure she'll be alright," Brave assured. "If she can handle a hundred wi- ...humans like she said, I'm sure she'll be able to handle herself just fine!"

Almond looked at Wizard Cookie.

“Would I be able to ask you a few questions about magic?” Almond asked Wizard.

“Oh! I didn’t see you as the type to have an interest in magic!” Wizard responded with approval. “Of course I can answer any questions you have!”

“Fantastic. What do you know about teleportation magic?”

“Oh! That is quite an advanced field of magic. It requires precision that few cookies have the patience to master! Fortunately for you, I am quite skilled in this area.”

“So you have the ability to use teleportation magic?”

“Yes, but the preparation and mana required make it a skill that can only be used sparingly. Calculations must be made to ensure you actually end up where you want to end up, and there’s a significant difference in the methods required to teleport, versus create and sustain a portal.”

“Do you know of any other cookies in the kingdom with this ability?”

Wizard shrugged.

“No one for sure, but Pure Vanilla Cookie has some of the strongest magic in the kingdom, so if anyone else, I’d say him.”

Almond nodded.

“I suppose that’s all the questions I have for now, carry on.”

As soon as Wizard Cookie and GingerBrave had left the area, Almond pulled out his walkie-talkie.

“This is Almond to dispatch, do you copy?”

“We copy,” a garbled voice responded, distorted by static.

“I’m gonna need another team out here to do magic testing. Need some scans done on Wizard Cookie’s Tower and as much of the main castle as possible.”

“Roger that.”

Almond hung up.

“You think Wizard Cookie could’ve stolen the soulstones?” Walnut asked, somewhat surprised.

“We have to check every possibility. The culprit is likely someone who knows how soulstones work and has the ability to teleport. It only makes sense that a magic user is responsible, especially since soulstones are a magic item." He paused.
"Pure Vanilla Cookie also has a very strong alibi, as there’s no reason he would steal from his own vault. He was also present at interrogations when the second break in occurred.”

Walnut nodded, thinking for a moment, before turning back to her breakfast and scarfing down the rest of her food.

“Alright, I’m done eating,” Walnut Cookie said, hopping down from her chair. “We have to walk a ways to the part of the forest where Lemon Wafer Cookie was last seen, so we should head out now if we want as much time as we can to hunt clues.”

"Copy that," Almond responded with a nod.

It was a calm morning. A gentle breeze blew through the roll cake trees and blueberry birds chirped overhead. The sky was bright blue, interspersed with sparse scatters of cotton-candy clouds.

“I think the last place someone saw her was just up ahead here,” Walnut said, pointing farther up the path.

“Do you know who it was who saw her?”

“I think it was a group who happened to be traveling past. They came forward with the info as soon as it came out that Lemon Wafer Cookie was missing.”

They reached a small clearing in the path and stopped. The trail widened and forked in several directions.

“I think it was around here,” Walnut decided. “They said she was investigating a group of fallen trees, and it looks like some trees have fallen over right there.” She pointed to a group of trees that appeared to have fallen over, blocking a small trail.

“Let’s go!” Walnut called, jogging towards the trees. Almond followed behind slowly, surveying the damaged trees as Walnut forged ahead, magnifying glass in hand.

The trees appeared to have been smashed in a peanut-like shape, nearly crushed into the ground as if something large and heavy had fallen on top of them. As he scrutinized the trees, Walnut called to him from up ahead.

“There’s a cookie house over this way!” She called, pointing and running further into the forest. 

Chapter Text

Almond jogged to keep up with his daughter. They reached a clearing with a small cookie house. Despite looking freshly built and frosted, the house was clearly in bad shape. It stood crooked on its foundation, and the roof looked as if it could collapse at any moment. A welcome sign sat crooked on a tree stump, though the state of the property was less than inviting. Everything about the area was giving Almond a bad feeling.

Walnut trotted over to the front of the house, examining the front porch for clues before turning towards the door.

“Hello!?” She called, knocking on the chocolate-glazed entryway.

“Be careful, Walnut!” Almond Cookie warned. “I have a bad feeling about this house.”

“A bad feeling means we’re on the right track!” Walnut responded. She reached carefully for the door, found it unlocked, and slowly pushed it open. She stuck her head inside to look around before making her way into the building. Almond followed her inside. Surprisingly, a light was on, illuminating a ransacked living room. Nearly every piece of furniture was askew or turned over. The walls and floor had suffered scrapes and gashes, as if the furniture had been knocked into them with significant force.

“Oh wow,” Walnut breathed. “It looks like there was an earthquake in here!” She began to step forward, but was blocked by Almond’s arm.

“...Strawberry jam,” Almond whispered, pointing towards the floor. A streak of jam was smeared on the floor in front of them. Walnut quietly gasped.

“Maaybe it's just from the pantry,” Walnut offered nervously. “A jar could’ve spilled. It might not be from a cookie!” They walked around the spilled jam and continued searching for clues.
Almond spotted something yellow stuck to the corner of an overturned cabinet. As he approached, his heart sank as he recognized what it was.

“Frosting. Lemon frosting,” He murmured. With the context of the scene, he was almost certain the frosting was from Lemon Wafer. He jumped with a start as he heard Walnut exclaim behind him.

“I found the notebook!” Walnut cried triumphantly. “We’ll be able to find out all about her findings in the investigation! She must’ve been here, but why leave her notebook behind?”

“I don’t think things went well for her here,” Almond responded, pointing to the tuft of frosting. “I have a bad feeling that jam may be hers as well. We should head back to town before whatever happened here happens to us.”

“But!” Walnut pleaded nervously. “There could be more clues!”

“If we stay here too long, we could become another jam stain on the floor!” Almond insisted. In other circumstances, Almond would stick around long enough to investigate every crumb. But with his daughter here, he didn't want any risk of putting her in danger. He grabbed Walnut and hurried out the door before she could protest.

As soon as Almond was satisfied that they were a safe enough distance from the house, he set Walnut down and pulled out his walkie talkie.

“10-200, ‘bout a half mile east of the Kingdom. Possible signs of a struggle and strawberry jam on scene. Need a team over to secure the area.”

“Sending units over now,” a voice confirmed over the air.

Almond could tell that Walnut was disappointed not to have more time to investigate the house. He knew she understood his concern, but he could also tell she was annoyed with him for prioritizing her safety over her work on the case. He gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Tell ya what, kiddo. Once the flourensics team's done locking things down and getting all the evidence they need, I'll give ya more time to look over the house, alright?"

Walnut nodded.

Almond and Walnut headed back out to the main path so that they could direct the inbound units to the scene. Once the teams had arrived at set up, Almond directed Walnut to come with him back to the kingdom.

“Do you think the teams will be safe?” Walnut asked, glancing back as they walked.

“There’s no way whoever or whatever caused that damage would be able to take out an entire team of cookies,” Almond reassured. “And if it could, I don’t think we’d be of much help, regardless.”

“But we got the journal!” Walnut grinned, holding out the notebook. “The clues Lemon Wafer Cookie collected will be able to help me out a lot!”

Almond continued walking in silence for a moment.

“Walnut. You are a fantastic detective, especially for your age. But just because you’re smarter than most cookies your age, you-”

“I’m still small. I know, Dad. Older cookies are bigger, stronger. I could crumble more easily.”

“I just want you to be safe. Three cookies going missing… it makes me worry.”

“I’ll be careful, Dad. I promise.”

They spend the rest of the walk in silence, though Walnut was flipping through Lemon Wafer’s notebook to read it. Once they reached the Kingdom, Walnut perked up.

“Dad, there’s a museum nearby that has a library, is it ok if I head over there to do research?”

“Alright, kiddo. Just get back before it's dark.”

Walnut sped off towards the museum as soon as Almond finished his sentence. He sighed as she disappeared from sight.

“I need a coffee,” he muttered, rubbing his face as he wandered towards the nearest cafe.

Almond took his coffee to go and decided to take a brief walk. He noted that the coffee didn’t taste quite as well as the cup he had had that morning. A bit more sour, almost stale. By the time he got to the house and sat down at his desk, he could feel his headache getting marginally worse.

“This coffee ain’t doing anything for me,” Almond muttered, laying his head on the desk and staring at the bad cup of coffee in disappointment. He could feel himself getting drowsy, but he didn’t have the motivation to pull himself back up. Soon enough, he had drifted off to sleep.

“Dad! Dad, wake up!”

He groaned as he was shaken awake.

“Dad, you spilled your coffee all over your desk!” Walnut said as Almond groggily opened his eyes. Sure enough, his desk was covered in a thin layer of coffee. He put a hand up to rub his face to find that it, too, had become slightly soggy. His cheek had absorbed a significant amount of coffee and was now stained a dark brown color.

“How long was I out?” Almond muttered.

“No idea, but I just got back from the museum. I’ve been gone a few hours.”

“Great,” Almond groaned. “Missed daylight I could’ve spent working on the case, and now we gotta get something to fix my face.”

“I can help clean up!” Walnut offered. “It looks like most of your notes are still readable.” She started to gently pick up coffee-stained papers and laid them out on the white chocolate tiled counter to dry.

Once the desk had been dried and the papers set up on the counter, Walnut hopped on tiptoe to try to get a better look at the stain on her dad’s face.

“Does it hurt?” She asked, concerned.

“It’s sensitive, for sure,” Almond stated, trying to dab some of the moisture away with a cloth. The soaked dough stung a little as he dried it, and while most of the coffee had only absorbed into the crust level, the stain wouldn’t come out unless he saw medical attention.

“We should get someone to heal it!” Walnut offered. Almond shook his head.

“No time. I’m already behind on my investigation from that unscheduled nap.”

“Pure Vanilla Cookie has healing magic! He’d be able to fix it super quick! Plus, you’re helping him out with the case anyways, he’d be happy to do you a favor.”

“I suppose that would give me a chance to check out the castle again,” Almond conceded. Walnut grinned and pulled him through the door, taking them on a beeline towards the castle.


“All better!” Pure Vanilla Cookie announced. Hardly more effort than a smile was what it took to dry and heal the stain.

“Thank you,” Almond said, somewhat surprised with how quickly the moisture had vanished. Nothing was left of the stain, save for a faint coffee scent still in the air.

“It was the least I could do for all the help you’ve been,” Pure Vanilla Cookie responded. “And it looks like you’ve had some time to rest, too!”

“Speaking of which, we still have to get some work done on the case!” Almond thanked Pure Vanilla with a nod before he and Walnut quickly headed back towards the castle entrance. When they reached the courtyard, they were approached by Tonic Cookie.

“Ah, I’ve been looking all over for you!” Tonic Cookie called. “We’ve finished doing magic tests on the three sites you ordered.” They handed an envelope to Almond Cookie.

“Three? But, I only requested two.”

Tonic Cookie frowned.

“Well, you have data for three. If you only needed two areas searched, you should have made that clearer to dispatch.” Tonic Cookie hmphed and hurried back in the direction they had come.

“I only ordered magic tests on the castle and Wizard Cookie’s Tower,” Almond thought aloud, examining the parcel.

Almond opened the envelope and pulled out three stapled stacks of paper. He flipped through them with some confusion, as he couldn’t read the sheets of magic data.

“Wait a moment. Tonic Cookie!?” Almond tried calling for the flourensics expert, but they were long gone.

“What’s wrong?” Walnut asked.

“I might need to solve some things just to understand this data,” Almond responded.

“There’s still a paper in the envelope,” Walnut pointed out. Almond pulled out the last paper and realized that it was the flourensics report from the damaged cookie house in the woods.

Almond noted the following information from the document:

• Strawberry jam present on scene. Testing incomplete
• Frosting present on scene, confirmed to belong to Lemon Wafer Cookie.
• Significant structural damage to residence and furniture. Indicative of physical stresses.
• Owner of residence unknown

“Well, they confirmed the frosting belonged to Lemon Wafer Cookie,” Almond reported to Walnut. “We may need to turn that notebook in as evidence.”

“But I’m using it!” Walnut argued. “Plus, I’m the detective on this case.”

Almond turned back towards the three magic test reports and scrutinized them.

“Tonic Cookie should’ve left instructions on how to read these dang things,” Almond muttered, continuing his attempt at deciphering the documents.

After some time he was able to figure out which stack of paper corresponded to which location; one for Wizard Cookie’s tower, one for the Castle, and one for the damaged cookie house.

“That explains why there’s three reports,” he muttered. “They did a scan of that house we found this morning, too. Unfortunately, I still can’t tell what all these graphs and numbers mean. Or these symbols.”

“Maybe we can find someone to read them,” Walnut offered.

“Well, might as well get this new info back home. We can get some jelly burgers on the way back home for dinner.”

On their way to get dinner, Almond considered trying to get another coffee. Apparently the nap had been enough to energize him, but he hoped another cup would help him make up for the missed hours. As they approached the cafe, they heard distressed cries coming from inside. As they rushed inside, they found Espresso Cookie wailing on the floor. He suddenly got to his feet and angrily approached Cocoa Cookie.

“YOU CALL THIS COFFEE!?” Espresso yelled, throwing a cup of hot beverage towards Cocoa. He missed, but the floor was now wet with coffee.

“What on Earthbread is happening here!?” Almond said, staring at the chaos.

“I’m sorry, sir!" Cocoa apologized. "We must’ve been given a batch of decaf roast by accident! I’d be happy to give you a full refund, just, please don’t throw anything more.”

“My coffee must be pure and untainted, for someone to remove caffeine from coffee is obscene and heretical!" Espresso shot back. "It doesn’t matter if it was a mistake or not, the mere existence of decaf coffee offends my very soul! Not that you’d know anything about that, you drinker of warm chocolate milk! ”

“Excuse me,” Almond interrupted, putting himself between the two cookies. “As an officer of M.E.H., I may be able to sort out this situation without any more noise or spilled coffee.

Espresso Cookie huffed.

“This café served me decaf coffee! Without the power of caffeine, my coffee magic will be tainted for weeks! A mistake like this is unacceptable!”

“That would explain why you fell asleep so fast earlier!” Walnut said to Almond. He nodded.

“Oh dear, two customers got decaf?” Cocoa said remorsefully. “I am so sorry, I’ll be sure to refund you both.”

“There’s no need, ma’am,” Almond reassured. “It’s not your fault.” He turned towards Espresso Cookie.

“As for you, you’ll be coming with me. Being the coffee expert you are, you should know that throwing hot beverages at another cookie is grounds for an assault charge.”

Before Espresso Cookie could argue, Almond’s handcuffs had already restrained him. Unfortunately they did not restrain his voice. He angrily and loudly objected to his arrest all the way back to the station.
Espresso was placed into the cell next to Chili Pepper, who seemed happy to receive a companion.

“What’re you in for?” Chili Pepper asked. 

“Arresting me like some criminal!?" Espresso whined. "I’ve done nothing wrong! That cafe should be out of business for such awful, useless coffee! Quite a literal nightmare!”

Chili Pepper frowned. Rye Cookie laughed from the other room.

As Almond and Walnut left the building, they were greeted by a frustrated looking Wizard Cookie.

“You! I’ve been looking for you all day! You think that my ability to use teleportation magic gives you any reason to send a whole team of magic police to my house!?”

“Apologies. We know that whoever stole the soulstones used teleportation magic to enter the vault. We need to search anyone who has the ability to use this type of magic in order to rule out suspects.”

“Ha! As if I would steal soulstones? Any magic user worth their sugar knows that soulstones are useless without the help of a witch’s magic!”

“Actually, I do have a few more questions for you, if ya wouldn’t mind.”

Wizard huffed but nodded.

“Very well, if it helps prevent any more invasions of my privacy.”

The three cookies went back inside to the interrogation office. Almond tried to hide the location names on the magic test papers and showed them to Wizard Cookie.

“Are you able to read these?”

“Magic reports? Naturally.” Wizard picked up the pieces of paper, flipping through the first magic test rather quickly.

“Ah, I can already tell by the magic signature that this was the test you did on my tower!” Wizard Cookie announced, triumphant but still annoyed.

“Signature?”

“Yes, of course. All magic users have slight variations in how they cast their spells, and each spell has a certain energy signature as well! Whoever filled in the rest of this data clearly knows this, they’ve recorded every spell I’ve done for the past week!”

Wizard started looking over at the next magic test. He squinted as if to get a better look.

“Why would anyone create, much less maintain, a spell like that?”

“What is it?”

“A low level portal spell, such low energy it would barely be wide enough to fit a pen. And kept open and moved around for the past few days. It’s too faint to be able to pinpoint exactly where it is. There’s evidence of two larger portal spells in this area, I’m assuming those are the ones you’ve connected with the thefts. And all of these spells have the same signature, so the same cookie is responsible for all of these. A bit curious though, to waste so much mana on keeping a small portal open constantly for several days. Such a cookie would surely be exhausted!”

Almond nodded. Wizard reached for the third magic test.

“Oh, I wouldn’t bother with that one,” Almond said. “That one’s for an unrelated case.”

Wizard looked at the documents and gasped.

“These…this is possibly one of the largest spell signatures I’ve ever seen! …No, perhaps some cookies could do greater…”

“What!?” Walnut gasped.

“This is… exotic magic. The spell signature might be recognizable, but I’ve never seen magic done this way. And an extremely strong spell. It makes the signature extremely readable.”

“And the spell?”

“Oh, it’s the same spell and signature as before, just greatly increased in scale,” Wizard waved dismissively.

“Wait, Dad?” Walnut interjected. “....Which of those tests are which?”

Almond pulled back his attempts to obscure the location names.
The first set of tests was from Wizard Cookie’s Tower. The second, the castle. The third…

“That’s not-” Almond started.

The third was the abandoned, ransacked house.

“...possible,” Almond finished.

“That means… whoever stole the soulstones was at the house, too!” Walnut said excitedly. “That means our cases are connected!”

Chapter Text

Back at the house, Almond paced back and forth in front of the chocolate pin board. Walnut had set up a table facing him, and was currently enjoying her jelly burger.

“This can’t be right,” Almond muttered. “How would these cases be connected? They’re so different…”

Walnut piped in halfway through a bite of burger.

“Whuf if the rmaways-” She paused to swallow her food. “-Mulberry and Boysenberry Cookie, learned teleportation magic, and used it to go all the way from Hollyberry Kingdom to here. Then they found that old house, and decided to live there, and started stealing stuff for fun, or maybe money. There’d be portals at the house, and the vault, and they’d be missing cause they wanted to stay hidden. Then when Lemon Wafer Cookie found them, they fought with her and then teleported her away?”

Almond thought for a moment and shook his head.

“There’s no way someone could learn magic that quickly. Wizard Cookie seemed to think those spells were done by an experienced magic-user. And I highly doubt an adult like Lemon Wafer Cookie would be bested in combat by two children.”

He continued to pace.

“I didn’t want to have to say this, Walnut,” Almond began. “But finding jam at a crime scene, especially in regards to a missing cookie case, is usually bad news. This could be a triple cookiecide.”

Walnut made a muffled sound of surprise through a mouthful of burger. Almond sighed.

“If anything ever happened to you, I’d never forgive myself,” Almond continued. Walnut looked sad but pushed her dad’s burger towards him. He sighed and sat down, grabbing the burger to take a bite.

“I’ll be ok, dad. I promise.”

Walnut finished eating her burger first and pulled out the notebook.

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you what I read in the notebook,” She began. “Apparently, Boysenberry Cookie wanted to keep exploring in the jungle past the time they were supposed to be back home. Mulberry Cookie was worried and wanted him to come with her back home, but he ran further into the jungle to mess with her. Probably by the time they found each other, they were so deep into the forest and it was so dark that they couldn’t find their way back. Even after spending the night alone outside, Boysenberry still wouldn’t follow his sister, or they just went the wrong way. Lemon Wafer Cookie had hired a tracker to follow their likely path and find their campsites. The trail had ended near the Cookie Kingdom, and the tracker had left. Lemon Wafer Cookie’s last note was about finding that house in the woods.” Walnut looked up at Almond, who was finishing up his meal.

“I think the tracker was the last person to see Lemon Wafer Cookie, or maybe a cookie passing by. But how do you track down a tracker?”

“That may be a good lead to follow,” Almond said. “Now that our cases are connected, it complicates things, but it also means any evidence could be used to solve both cases at once. I know that we’re family first, partners second, but we’ll need to work together on this like we have been. And if ya find a lead, make sure I know about it before you run off to investigate.”

Walnut nodded.

“Usually I wouldn’t be saying this,” Almond added. “But it’s late enough and I haven’t had enough good coffee today, so we might as well call it a night. ‘Sleep on it.’ That’s what cookies say, that sleep helps you think. And I can already tell we’re gonna need some brainpower for this case.”

In the morning, Almond awoke to a cat on his face. He gently pushed Constable Whiskers off his head and groaned.

“Get off …” He grumbled. The cat meowed and stretched before hopping off the bed. Almond couldn’t read the clock, but the dim light told him it was probably still early morning. He glanced over to see that Walnut was not in bed. He yawned and waited for his eyes to adjust to the light before slowly getting out of bed to look for his daughter. It wasn’t long before he found her. She had fallen asleep on the desk just as he had done the day before, resting her head on the cold chocolate wood and scattered papers. He smiled.

“Taking after your old man, huh?” He said quietly. He took his coat from the hanger by the door and gently wrapped it around Walnut to keep her warm. Even without the boost of caffeine, he was feeling awake enough to start more work on the case. The one challenge would be trying to work around his daughter without waking her up.
He didn’t have a current working theory. Not yet anyways. Walnut had done a good job with her theory about the missing kids being behind it all, but something about that just didn’t feel right. Things didn’t add up, not that anything with this case had been adding up to begin with. The culprit had to be a cookie with the ability to use magic, specifically teleportation magic, and be rather skilled at it. They’d also need a motive to steal soulstones and kidnap other cookies. This left two possibilities Almond could think of: that the missing cookies had seen something they weren’t supposed to see, or that they were being used for some sort of strange experiment. Sure, cookies couldn’t use soulstones, but what if a cookie was trying to figure out how to? A cookie with strong magical abilities, especially unusual “exotic” ones, could perhaps find a use for these items. And with portals, the culprit could be working from anywhere, making the magic tests the only real way of keeping tabs on their activity.
Almond decided to make breakfast once the first few rays of sunshine had lit the sky. He cracked a few egg jellies over the stove and put bread in the toaster. As the eggs started to fry, the sound made Walnut stir. She flinched awake when the toaster popped.

“Good morning, kiddo,” Almond said, still working by the stove. Walnut made a tired yawn. She sleepily walked to the breakfast table and sat down as Almond served them both food.

He sat down across the table from Walnut and started to eat, but noticed that Walnut seemed concerned about something.

“What is it, kid?”

“It’s- nothing, really," Walnut replied. "Just, the dream I had last night, I was looking and looking for you, and I couldn’t find you. And it kept getting darker and darker. And then nothing. And I was scared, but mostly…worried about you.”

“Now ya know how I feel all the time when you're off on your own,” Almond ruffled Walnut’s hair. Her mood lightened.

“It was just a dream, after all," Walnut agreed. "Also, I was thinking, if our cases are connected, what if we start working on each other’s cases? Like, I look more into the soulstone case on my own and you work on the case of the missing cookies. We could’ve missed something when we were working on them alone, so maybe if we switched cases we’d find something we missed before.”

Almond nodded at Walnut’s idea. Not only could it help fill gaps in the investigation, but even if the same cookie was behind both cases, the soulstone case still seemed significantly safer than investigating that ransacked, jam-stained house.

“I already made a list of all the cookies you interrogated before, including some of the recent ones," Walnut added. "And maybe if I ask more cookies around town, someone will have some more clues for us!” Walnut finished up her breakfast and stuffed her notes into her bag. “I copied a bunch of stuff from Lemon Wafer Cookie’s notebook, so I’ll leave it here in case you need it,” Walnut added. She put on her hat, coat and shoes and headed for the door.

“Be safe, kiddo!” Almond reminded. Walnut smiled.

“I will, dad.”

Almond had two leads to follow. His top priority would be trying to track down the tracker Lemon Wafer Cookie had worked with. If such a cookie was one of the last to see Lemon Wafer before she disappeared, they could have more information as to what could have happened to her. In normal circumstances, Almond would have some suspicion towards the last known contact of a cookie who had gone missing, but in this particular case, he doubted the tracker had anything to do with the crime.
The other lead was Caprese Cookie. The fact that she had arrived at the kingdom shortly before the thefts occurred, and apparently left shortly thereafter, felt like more than an odd coincidence, but all the evidence showed that she was asleep during at least one of the break-ins, and was likely asleep during both. Of course, he also hadn’t had the time to investigate further. It was possible she hadn’t left town completely after leaving the castle, but simply went to stay at another location. It was also possible that she could be the fourth missing cookie, but no missing cookie reports had been filed outside of the three they were already investigating.
He bought a refrigerated coffee at the market before heading over to the station to check on things. He preferred his coffee warm, but he also preferred his coffee with caffeine, so he didn’t want to take chances with the cafe’s coffee this early in the morning. As he reached the station, he saw Espresso leave the building with an indignant huff. The professor glared at Almond as he passed.

“You’re lucky I’m far too busy to bother with a lawyer over this!” Espresso stated, brushing down his robes to straighten them before continuing to walk off in indignation. Almond watched him leave for a moment before entering the station.

“If ya wond’rin why I let ‘im go, man was a nuisance all night," Rye explained when she saw Almond arrive. "Plus, lady didn’ press no charges.” 

“That nerd been complaining all night about some nightmare he had about milk!” Chili Pepper added from her cell.

“I suppose that’s fair,” Almond responded. “In the meantime, do you know anything about any cookies who could have helped Lemon Wafer Cookie track those missing Hollyberrian kids all the way here?”

“Eh, one cookie come to mind,” Rye muttered, thinking. “There’s this gal, Beet Cookie. Bit of a recluse, now. Only seems to show herself when she needin’ supplies. But she knows every inch of the forest like her own dough.”

“And how can I find this cookie?” Almond asked.

“She’s more likely to find you. She won’t make herself seen unless she wants to be. My suggestion is, bring some extra food with ya, especially veggies, and go into the forest. Make enough of a ruckus to spoil any attempt she might be tryin’ at a hunt. If she around, she’ll come over to see why you makin’ so much noise. If she annoyed, give her ya veggies. Offer her more if she can tell ya what she knows about that lady gumshoe.”

“I’ll work on that, thanks for the tip.”

Almond headed out to the location of the ransacked house, as he figured that would be the best place to start the search. A few cookies from the flourensic department were still around the area, though it seemed not much more evidence was to be found. He continued past the house and into the woods, hesitating for a moment at the thought he could potentially get lost, but continued once he remembered his walkie talkie. He noticed a few more spots where the trees had been flattened in a similar way to the trees near the ransacked house. The clearings appeared to be approximately the same size, and the same distance apart.

Soon he reached a meadow at the base of a large wooded hill. The trees on the hill appeared intact, though there was something shiny at the top. Though Almond didn’t feel he had the energy for a hike, he felt it was curious enough to investigate.
The forest was thick with roots and vines, and Almond found himself constantly pausing to catch his breath or untangle his long coat from branches and sticks. All he could see in any direction was bark and leaves. He navigated solely by continuing upwards. After what felt like hours, he reached the top. The trees were less dense here, and at the summit sat a turquoise cookie-sized crystal, mounted on a pedestal and embedded into the ground. The pedestal was surrounded by two circles of small stones, all of which were glowing faintly. As he approached the clearing, he was startled by a voice from behind him.

“Don’t go closer!” The voice hissed. Almond turned around, searching for the voice, before spying a slightly rustling bush.

“Who’s there?” He called, approaching the bush cautiously. As he got closer, he bent over to get a closer look, yelping as a leaf-covered arm grabbed him and dragged him into the bush. He tried to yell but a hand covered his mouth.
“Quiet!” The voice commanded. “I won’t be able to catch any if they know we’re here!”

Almond tried to respond but still had his mouth covered. After a moment, the arm lowered away from his mouth and Almond’s eyes adjusted enough to see that the voice had come from a cookie. He looked at her for a moment. She wore a cape made of long, bushy leaves, and had a quiver tucked by her side. She held a crossbow in her hands and her focus was still towards the clearing.

“Are you… Beet Cookie?” He asked.

“Shh,” the cookie responded, waving downwards to indicate she wanted silence. He watched her stare at the clearing for several minutes in silence before Almond tried to ask questions again.

“What exactly are you hunting?” He whispered. She sighed.

“Come with me.”

The cookie led him quietly back down the mountain. Part way down, she revealed a small campsite built partially into a small cave. The cave was furnished with a mat of soft moss and the remains of a small fire. Almond hit his head in the entryway and had to bend over while inside. He sat down on the moss as the cookie hung her equipment on the wall.

“You’re Beet Cookie, aren’t ya?” Almond asked again. She nodded.

“And what was going on up at the top of the mountain just now?” He continued.

“Tree-stompers! One day this thing showed up-” She waved up the mountain towards the crystal. “And a big flash and bam! Trees smashed all over the forest. But I know whatever it is, those tree-stompers live in it. I’m gonna catch one when it pops out. No more smashing the forest!”

Almond stared in confusion.

“So the tree-stompers are the ones responsible for the downed trees? What do they look like?”

Beet shook her head.

“I wasn’t able to get a look. They were here and gone so fast I barely had time to react.”

“How many of them were there?”

“I’d guess a dozen. One for each of those big smashes!”

“And they come from that crystal?”

Beet nodded.

“Have you tried destroying it? If that’s where they come from-” Almond was interrupted by a grunt of disagreement.

“Can’t break it. Bad things happen.”

“Could ya elaborate on what you mean by ‘bad things’?”

“You get close, and even if you can get past those circles, every instinct you have is telling you to stay away. As if whatever that thing is is bad, but destroying it is even worse.”

Almond scribbled in his notebook. He wasn’t sure what else he could ask that would clarify the cookie’s ramblings, but the crystal was likely some sort of U.M.O.: Unidentified Magical Object.

“I was hoping if I caught one of those tree-stompers, I could eat it for lunch… a bit low on rations. But I guess I don’t even know if I’m more likely to eat a tree-stomper, or if a tree-stomper’s more likely to eat me,” She sighed before noticing Almond’s pack.

“Oh, right. I was instructed to bring extra food,” Almond explained, opening the pack to reveal the vegetables he had brought. Beet’s eyes lit up and she lunged for the food, shoving several carrots into her mouth at once. As she munched happily, Almond finally brought up the reason he was there.

“I was informed you might know something about this cookie,” Almond began, pulling out a photograph of Lemon Wafer Cookie. “She’s been missing for several days, and it was assumed she had worked with you or another tracker to search for two missing children from the Hollyberry Kingdom.”

Beet grunted and swallowed her food.

“She went missing just like those kids, huh?” Beet looked down and poked the dead fire with a stick. “I told her, told her that something smelled wrong. Yes, we were going the right way, Hollyberrians smell so strongly of juice you can track ‘em easily. But there was another smell. I don’t know if it was tree-stompers or something else, but every gram of my dough told me not to go farther. But that detective. She insisted on going farther. If that was the way the kids had gone, that was the way she was gonna go too. I told her I wouldn’t go farther, and we parted ways.”

Almond paused for a moment to take a note.

“We found an abandoned house in the forest. We know that Lemon Wafer Cookie was there. Would you be able to come down with me and investigate the scene? We’d be able to supply you with more food and gear, whatever ya need.”

Beet hesitated, repeatedly glancing at the bag of vegetables.

“Fine. But if things go wrong, I’m not gonna stick around.”

As they headed back towards the house, Beet froze as they got to the meadow.

“I can already smell it. Not strong, but it’s there.” She sniffed the ground, dug up a handful of dirt, and put it in her mouth, chewing before spitting it back out.

“Just dirt,” She muttered. Almond gave her an odd look.

“May we continue? I know that smell is of concern to you, but I need you to come at least as far as the house.”

Beet grumbled but nodded. As they walked, she took a moment to investigate every patch of smashed trees that they passed. Once they were within sight of the house, Beet froze again.

“It’s stronger here.”

“Let’s keep moving,” Almond responded, waving for her to continue following. “The house is just up ahead.” Beet hesitated but followed close behind. As they reached the clearing, Beet stopped and smelled the air. She hesitated and backed up into the tree line.

“What is it?” Almond responded.

“I can smell all of them,” She said, backing up further. “The Hollyberrians. Lemon Wafer Cookie. And… that other smell.”

“Please follow me,” Almond responded. Beet slowly crept back into the open, doing her best to look like a bush. Tonic Cookie was by the house, flipping through a pad of papers. They glanced up when they saw Almond and Beet approach.

“We were able to find traces of crumbs on some of the furniture,” Tonic Cookie explained. “And the jam tests are done. Jam belonged to Lemon Wafer Cookie. Crumbs appear to belong to Lemon Wafer Cookie and Mulberry Cookie. No flourensic evidence had any sign of Boysenberry Cookie.”

“All of them were here,” Beet stated. Tonic Cookie raised an eyebrow.

“Who is this?”

“This is Beet Cookie,” Almond explained. “She was the tracker Lemon Wafer Cookie had hired to search for the Hollyberrian children.”

“All three of the missing cookies were here,” Beet Cookie repeated. “I can smell all of them.”

“Another thing. Tonic Cookie, there’s a meadow and hill back the way Beet Cookie and I came. Possible UMO. I’ll need some magic tests done in the area when you and your team have a chance.”

Tonic muttered something under their breath and shrugged.

“We’ll be wrapping up here shortly, I’ll send a team.”

Beet continued to sniff around the house, but stayed a distance away from it as if it could reach out and grab her.

“That smell came from something big,” Beet noted aloud. “It’s strong here. Like it’s on every inch of this house.”

“Would you be willing to come inside?” Almond asked, opening the front door. Beet took another sniff and shuddered, aggressively shaking her head.

“That house is no good. I don’t wanna end up another missing cookie on that list!”

“What exactly is this smell that you’ve been picking up everywhere? Would you be able to describe it?”

“Sour,” Beet responded. “Maybe a little stale, too. But there’s something else I can’t place.”

“Could the sour smell be from Lemon Wafer Cookie?”

“No,” Beet responded, shaking her head. “It’s different than lemon.”

“And what about the smell is so off-putting that it makes you hesitant to go inside the house?”

“I don’t know…” Beet admitted. “It’s like it triggers some instinct to run as far away as possible. I’d like to get as far away from here as I can. Soon.”

“Alright, then,” Almond said, sighing. “At least take the food with you as I promised.”

Beet grabbed the bag of food, glanced around nervously, then disappeared back into the woods.

By the time Almond had finished up at the house, it was already afternoon. He wanted to check in with Walnut, but he had no idea where she was at this point, and regretted not having an extra walkie talkie. He decided he would at least head into town to get coffee or food and hoped the cafe had restocked on caffeinated coffee by this point.
Cocoa Cookie spotted Almond as soon as he entered the cafe.

“Oh, I’m so sorry about yesterday!,” Cocoa began, smiling sheepishly. “We just got a new batch of coffee in this morning. No need to pay, tell me what you want and I’ll take care of it.”

“I’ll have a black coffee, please. And, do you have a lunch menu?”

He ordered a sandwich and a jelly salad off the menu and sat down to drink his coffee. The drink tasted better today, which Almond figured meant that it was actually caffeinated this time. He grabbed a paper to read, though nothing in the headlines really caught his attention. Another festival in the Hollyberry Kingdom. A storm to the North. Controversy regarding a new rail line. After a few minutes he heard a familiar voice from down the street.

“Dad!”

He glanced up from the paper to see Walnut jogging towards him. He folded up the paper and smiled.

“I was wondering where you’d gone off to!” Almond responded as Walnut sat down in the empty chair. “How’s your investigation going?”

“Oh, it’s been alright, I was able to get a lot of interviews done. Got every cookie on my list. There wasn’t really much new information, though, but apparently a few cookies have been having odd nightmares.”

“Like the dream you told me about this morning?” Almond asked. Walnut thought for a moment before responding.

“Well, I heard that Espresso Cookie had some sort of nightmare about milk, but he didn’t really go into any detail besides explaining why he hates milk. Custard Cookie had a nightmare about some big cookievorous monster on the night of the first break in. I had that dream about not being able to find you.”

“Here’s your food!” Cocoa Cookie interrupted cheerfully, placing the plates onto the table. “And you have company now!" She paused. "I don’t mean to intrude, but I hear you were discussing dreams?”

Cocoa took a sip from her mug, which she had somehow avoided spilling while carrying out their food.

“Yea, actually,” Walnut responded. “A lot of cookies have been having weird dreams lately-”

“Oh, I had a wonderful dream last night!” Cocoa Cookie said, nearly cutting Walnut off. “Mint Choco and I were swimming in an endless swirl of cocoa! And we even had the same dream, together! Mint Choco didn’t like it as much as I did, though…”

“You shared the same dream?” Walnut asked, surprised. Cocoa nodded.

“What a lovely dream…” Cocoa trailed off. “If only I could dream of oceans of cocoa every night!” She smiled again before walking off. Walnut turned back towards the table.

“I’ve never heard of two cookies sharing the same dream before,” Walnut pondered. “Do you think that means anything?”

Almond shrugged.

“None of the magic scans showed anything related to dream-altering magic.”

“Blackberry Cookie said that there was something wrong with the …spiritual plane? She didn’t say anything about having bad dreams, but that she’d seen visions of terrible things. And that the ghosts were upset. Oh, and Caprese Cookie said she had weird dreams so often she’d lost track.”

“You spoke with Caprese Cookie? I thought she left town after the barbecue.”

“Oh, apparently she just left the castle. Pure Vanilla Cookie said she told him she didn’t want to take advantage of his hospitality and left. Apparently she’s gotten absorbed in the research she’s been doing; she’s spent most of the last couple days at the museum.”

“What is she researching?” Almond asked.

“I don’t really know, it looks like she’s just been researching whatever piqued her interest. I think she was reading about the Ancient Heroes yesterday, and about plants and wildlife today. She helped me get some books off the shelf when I was in the library the other day.”

“Do you think she’s still at the museum? I’ve been meaning to ask her some more questions.”

“Oh, probably,” Walnut responded. “But we should finish this food first.”

Chapter Text

 As they arrived at the museum, they found Eclair Cookie sitting quietly at his desk, examining an old-looking manuscript. He looked up and smiled as he spotted them enter.

“Welcome,” he greeted with a nod before returning his attention to the scroll he had been reading. As they approached the library, they could hear Caprese Cookie’s voice from inside.

Almond motioned for Walnut to be quiet as they crept towards the door.

“This is all so complicated!” Caprese complained from beyond the door. “Like, maybe he’s right, maybe I’m wasting my time here. But we don’t know that! And I’m tired of having someone breathing down my neck all the time! I deserve at least a little time to do what I want. And I can sure make the time for it!” She paused. “And sure, he’s stressed, who isn’t? But try not to take it out on me, right?” She stopped talking and started humming a tune to herself, though it was one Almond did not recognize.

After a moment Almond looked at Walnut and they both entered the room together. Caprese flinched upon hearing the door open but smiled when she saw who it was.

“Oh! Sorry, I thought you were the curator,” she apologized sheepishly.

“Who were you talking to just now?” Almond asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, just myself…” She responded, putting a hand behind her neck awkwardly. She turned towards Walnut.

“I left your books on the table for you, in case you needed.” She gestured to a pile of books on the opposite side of the table. Almond took a quick inventory of the books in the pile. Walnut’s pile of books included information on soulstones and teleportation magic. Caprese’s pile had books on Earthbread history and a few field guides on plants, birds, and monsters.

“What are you here to research?” Almond asked, examining one of the books.

“Oh, well, a little bit of everything,” Caprese answered with a shrug. “I guess mostly history, but I get kinda sidetracked sometimes.”

She picked up one of the bestiaries.

“Like, look at all these monsters!” She said, flipping through the pages. “Apparently in the Dark Cacao Kingdom, the ocean is alive! And they have to block it off with a big wall ‘cause it eats cookies! Good thing we don’t live over there, am I right?” She giggled as she gently tossed the book back onto the pile.

“Walnut said you’ve been spending a lot of time here.”

“Yea,” Caprese said with a nod. “I’ve only really left to get food, been taking power naps. Eclair’s been letting me stay overnight, but he seems a bit concerned about it.”

“Walnut also said you’d had some unusual dreams?”

“Yea, I guess so. Not much more unusual than normal, I guess. Get eaten by dragons in my dreams on a concerningly regular basis, but you kinda get used to it after a while.” She shrugged. Walnut looked up from her book.

“Hey, Caprese Cookie? Can you grab that book for me on the top shelf? The blue one with the gold trim, it's about life magic?”

“Oh yea, this one?” Caprese shot out an arm of string cheese like she had during her campfire story and grabbed the book. The stringy arm pulled the book from the shelf and set it on top of Walnut’s book pile.

“Thanks,” Walnut said, picking up the book to look it over.

“No worries. Easy to grab things with these long cheese arms,” Caprese wiggled the two arms of string cheese before retracting them.

“How far can those reach?” Almond asked. Caprese pulled out an arm again and stretched it halfway across the room.

“However far that is. A lot more effective than these stubby little cookie arms,” She retracted the cheese arm again.

“I asked previously about what you knew about soulstones. Do you perhaps know anything about teleportation magic?”

“Oh, Walnut and I talked a bunch about that yesterday. I got curious and read some stuff from the books she picked out after she left.”

Almond sighed.

“Walnut, kiddo, ya can’t talk to people about an ongoing investigation. Ya never know who you can trust.”

“But you put her on the innocent list ‘cause she was in the room with you during the second break-in,” Walnut defended. “Plus, the book says at least one portal has to be created near the caster in order for portal spells to work. You would’ve noticed if someone made a portal during the interrogation.”

“Don’t go tellin’ cookie’s they’re on or off the suspects list until we solve the case, either,” Almond responded, sighing again.

“You guys still investigating the soulstone stuff?” Caprese asked. Walnut looked ready to respond but Almond answered first.

“That’s classified.”

“Fair enough,” Caprese responded with a shrug. She sat down and went back to reading one of her books.

“Do you have anything to hide?” Almond asked with mild suspicion. Caprese seemed mildly annoyed at this question, but giggled and smiled sheepishly.

“Yea,” She pushed one of the book piles aside to reveal a bag of jellies.

“Eclair doesn’t want cookies to eat in here, but I like to snack when I work.”

She grabbed a jelly from the bag and tossed it into her mouth before offering one to Walnut. Almond frowned as Caprese focused her attention back on her book.

“Anything to hide in regards to this case!” Almond clarified. Caprese didn’t respond, instead focusing intently on one of the book’s illustrations.

“Who is this?” Caprese asked, her playful attitude replaced by a serious tone as she flipped the book around and pointed out the image to Walnut.

“Oh!” Walnut responded. Almond walked to the other side of the table to look over her shoulder.

“That’s Dark Enchantress Cookie,” Walnut explained. “Apparently she first appeared on the Night of The Witches and vowed to destroy Witches and cookies alike. For years she fought a war against the Ancient Heroes for their Soul Jam, but was imprisoned by Pure Vanilla Cookie’s magic.”

Caprese pulled the book back and scrutinized the image again.

“That staff…” she muttered.

“What is it?” Walnut asked.

“Nothing… it would take too long to explain.”

Almond considered pressing further with Walnut’s question, but stopped as he remembered something.

“Those portals in Parfaedia, that monster invasion. That was Dark Enchantress Cookie’s doing, if I remember correctly.”

“And doesn’t she supposedly know more about the witches than any other cookie?” Walnut added. “That means she knows how to use teleportation magic, and might know how to use soulstones! That fits our criminal profile!”

Almond shook his head.

“Trying to interrogate her would be too risky, and an arrest would be nearly impossible.”

Walnut looked down at the table and squinted as if it would help her think of a solution faster.

“What about her staff?” Caprese offered. “Is that where she gets her powers? Maybe if we could disarm her, it would give us a chance.”

“We still don’t even know if she’s the cookie behind this,” Almond reminded. “She’s wanted for plenty of other crimes, of course, but we’d be risking our dough just to interview a suspect.”

“But, remember what you said!?" Walnut interjected. "When we were working on solving the case of Butter Pretzel Cookie’s missing painting? That great detectives pursue all leads until they solve the case!”

“Walnut, the cookie you’re wanting to apprehend was capable of defeating all of the Ancient Heroes at once, if the stories are accurate, and has been known to be both capable and willing to reduce a cookie to a pile of charred crumbs. This is not a risk I will allow you to take.”

The room was silent for a moment. Caprese’s eyes darted around the book as if she was in intense thought.

“Maybe she doesn’t have to be the one to take that risk,” Caprese replied, still deep in thought.

“What are you suggesting?” Almond asked incredulously, scrutinizing her body language for any obvious tells.

“This is important. You need to know if Dark Enchantress is behind this thing. I need a closer look at that staff. And I’m willing to risk my dough for it.”

“Are you insane!? ” Almond responded. “What good is a look at that staff going to do for ya if it’s the last thing you ever see?”

Caprese got up, made an expression Almond couldn’t quite read, and sighed.

“Look, ok. This is extremely risky. I get that. If we can disarm her, I’ll be able to examine the staff, and it might give us an opportunity to take her down. Obviously, that will only work if she needs the staff to do her magic. If she doesn’t, it’ll give us a much smaller window to do anything. But, I don’t think she’ll expect me to have these long cheese arms, and I might be able to catch her off-guard.”

“And how are you going to lure her here, anyways? She has an army of monsters, if ya get her to come anywhere near the city, you’d be putting the entire kingdom in danger!”

“I’ll figure something out,” Caprese reassured, though her expression showed she was uncertain.

“I think I’ll do some more research on dreams and dream magic,” Walnut announced. “I’ll let you know if I need you to grab any books for me.”

“Want me to put any of these back?” Caprese offered. Walnut nodded and handed a couple books to Caprese. She put them back on the shelf using her cheese arms.

“Why do you need to take a look at that staff so badly?” Almond inquired, still trying to read Caprese as she read her books. “So badly you’d turn to crumbs for it?”

Caprese sighed.

“Ok, look, I’m not the best at explaining things. There’s this really bad kind of magic. You’d probably know it as Dark Magic, but sometimes it’s so small and discrete, you don’t know you’ve fallen victim to it ‘til it’s too late. And I think it’s spreading. One of my friends…” She trailed off and shook her head. “Just, if Dark Enchantress is using Dark Magic, her staff must be powered by it, too. If I can figure out how she got it, and where she got it, I  might be able to figure out how it’s spreading. And stop it. Or destroy it… before it destroys everything. And what? If I get destroyed in the process, then this isn’t my problem anymore!”

“Does this have anything to do with where you came from? Didn’t you say that you came from somewhere that got destroyed?” Walnut asked.

Caprese put a hand on her forehead and groaned.

“Kinda? Ugh, that stuff’s even more complicated!" She shook her head. "Took me like, a decade to understand that. And I’m still not really sure. All I really know is that I can never go back.” She sighed.

“So you’ve been traveling, all over, for years? You must’ve learned a lot of stuff if you’ve been researching and exploring that whole time!” Walnut seemed intrigued.

“Yea, that’s the thing though. Sometimes you learn things you wish you didn’t. ‘Curiosity killed the cat. Or the cookie. Or whatever’.” She waved a hand before picking up the book she had been reading and examining it again.

Almond picked up a book and pretended to read it, though he still kept his attention on Caprese. She seemed to notice this and shifted uncomfortably in her chair before getting up and sitting one chair further away.

“Hmm…according to this book, there are a lot of different spells that can affect dreams,” Walnut said as she read her book. “But a lot of dreams happen without magic at all.”

“What about two cookies sharing the same dream?” Almond reminded. “Cocoa Cookie said that
Mint Choco Cookie had the same dream as she did.”

“Lemme see,” Walnut replied, flipping through to the index and then back to a page, pausing for a moment to read. “Yea, it looks like two cookies sharing a dream together is usually a magic thing, but both cookies have to do the spell together in order for it to work. But it sounds like it can happen on its own, too.”

“Is there a spell that could affect cookies’ dreams indiscriminately?” Almond asked.

“...Yes?” Walnut said, continuing to read. “But it looks like those types of spells would make everyone fall asleep at once, and every cookie would be affected. But whatever is happening in the kingdom, it seems more random than that. And some cookies are better at remembering their dreams, too. Others forget most of the time.”

“Did Caprese say when she started having her unusual dreams?”

“She made it sound like she’s had them for a while, like before she got here,” Walnut responded. “But, we’re not even sure if the dream stuff has to do with this case. It seems more coincidental than anything, but-”

“Ya got a hunch like I do, huh, kiddo?”

Walnut nodded.

“Why don’t you ask Caprese Cookie more about her dreams?” Almond suggested. Walnut looked over at Caprese and tilted her head.

“...I think she’s having one right now,” Walnut noted. Caprese’s face was firmly planted into a book as if it was a pillow. Almond grimaced.

“This again?” he muttered. “Starting to doubt this cookie has insomnia if she falls asleep this quickly.” He got up towards Caprese and moved closer to the cookie.

“Ma’am, we have some questions for you.”

No response.

“Caprese Cookie?” Walnut asked, leaning over the table and poking Caprese gently on the head. Still no response.

“Ma’am, are you alright?” Almond asked, louder this time, giving the cookie a gentle shake.

“This cookie’s out like a broken light!” Almond said, starting to feel less frustrated and more concerned. “Either she’s the deepest sleeper I’ve ever seen or she’s completely unconscious!”

“Is she ok? Should we get someone to help?” Walnut asked, clearly worried. Caprese started to slide out of her chair but Almond caught her before she fell and slid her back upright. As he pondered what to do, Caprese suddenly shuddered before groaning and opening her eyes.

“Hi,” she muttered.

“Are you alright?”

“Yea, just sleepy.” She shuddered again and pressed a hand onto the tomato in her hair.

“That was more than ‘just sleeping’,” Almond replied. “You were unresponsive.”

Caprese waved dismissively.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine. It’s normal for me.”

Almond raised an eyebrow.

“Well if it’s normal, I guess it’s ok,” Walnut finally responded.

She hopped down from her chair and grabbed two books.

“I’m gonna ask Eclair Cookie if I can borrow these from the library,” she announced. “You can put those other books away if you want.”

Walnut went out the door to the lobby as Caprese started to put the books away. Almond stopped her as she grabbed the book on teleportation magic.

“Why don’t ya tell me what you know on that topic?” Almond suggested, still trying to read Caprese’s facial expression.

“I-” Caprese started, flustered.

“Walnut said she told you what she read in that book, and judging from all those marked pages, you’ve read through quite a lot of it.”

“Oh, yea. It’s… kind of complicated, but I guess I can try to explain it.”

Caprese went towards the table and pushed some books aside before taking two sugar pebbles out of her pocket and putting them apart on the table.

“So it’s like, you have a point A, and a point B. Math stuff. Normally if you wanted to go between them, a straight line would be the shortest. But teleportation, it’s like you cut a couple holes between point A and point B, so you can skip all the distance in between.”

“I’m familiar with the concept of what teleportation is. What I want to know from you is if you, personally, know how a cookie might make a portal.”

“I mean, this book has instructions,” Caprese offered, opening up the book and turning it to face Almond. “It looks like there’s a whole ton of ways a cookie could make portals. But they also seem kinda complicated. And time consuming.”

Almond kept trying to analyze Caprese’s expressions, though he could tell she was mostly uncomfortable about being put on the spot.

“What does this all have to do with the case, anyways?" Caprese asked. “Walnut made it sound like there was evidence someone used a portal to get inside the vault-thing?”

“Oh, it’s more than that,” Almond admitted. “But the details regarding our cases are highly sensitive information.”

“Cases?” Caprese asked.

Before Almond could respond, Walnut returned with her books.

“Eclair says I can borrow them, but I have to keep them super clean and return them first thing tomorrow!” She glanced up at Almond and Caprese. Almond sighed.

“Alright, kiddo. We can do more research at home and keep the rest of the investigation confidential.”

“Right,” Walnut responded. “See you tomorrow!” She waved at Caprese, who waved awkwardly back.

As they left the building, Almond and Walnut exchanged frustrated looks.

“Kiddo, case information is always classified. If ya go off telling any curious cookie about all the clues, you could end up telling a cookie who isn’t on your side.”

“I didn’t tell her that much!” Walnut insisted. “And why are you so suspicious of her, anyways? You’ve been asking her questions every chance you get!”

“She’s too difficult to read,” Almond explained. “It's as if talking to her gives more questions than answers. She seems rather skilled in her ability to dodge questions, which is a skill I only ever see in cookies who are up to no good.”

“Dad, she’s been helping me in the library a lot! Why would she be helping us if she had something to do with this case?”

Almond considered the best way to answer this. While much of his suspicion still fell on Caprese, she had no clear motive and a fairly strong alibi.

“Oftentimes, criminals will try to make themselves look innocent by pretending to help with a case,” he explained. “They put up an act. Part of why ya don’t just give out clues to any cookie.”

“Dad, she was in the room with you when the vault was broken into the second time. She doesn’t have enough space in her pockets to carry soulstones anyways, and what would she want with those three missing cookies? She grabbed every book I asked for, and helped give me the definitions to some of the bigger words I had to read. Plus, she let me eat as many of her jellies as I wanted. She was even willing to risk her dough to give us an opportunity to interrogate Dark Enchantress Cookie!”

“Kiddo, I... trust your judgment,” Almond replied, but he turned away from Walnut to hide his concern.

As they continued the walk back into town, the evening air slowly filled with the soft music of a violin. Walnut’s mood lightened as they continued towards the sound, but stopped for a moment as she had an idea.

“Dad, wait. Isn’t Mint Choco Cookie a violinist?”

“I believe he is, yes. Cocoa Cookie often puts up fliers for his performances in the cafe.”

“All the weird dreams cookies have been having seem to be bad dreams, except for Cocoa Cookie’s. If Mint Choco Cookie had the same dream as she did, it sounds like it was a bad dream, at least from his perspective. If we ask him about what happened, maybe we can get more information that will help us figure out what’s happening with all the dreams. There’s gotta be a pattern, or something.”

“Alright, kid,” Almond agreed, nodding. “Let’s go see if that music is him.”

As they got closer to the sound, they entered a plaza filled with decorative lights. On the far side of the plaza stood a bandshell where a lone, green-haired violinist was performing. The performance seemed to be unplanned, as only a few cookies were around to enjoy the melody.

Almond and Walnut approached the bandshell and waited for Mint Choco to finish his performance. As he finished the piece, he bowed and smiled at them. Walnut waved and motioned for him to come over. The musician bent down and looked at them from the bandshell.

“Hello,” Mint Choco said, smiling.

“Hi,” Walnut greeted back. “Cocoa Cookie said you two had an interesting dream last night, but it sounds like you didn’t like it as much as she did.”

Mint Choco’s smile faded slightly.

“Well, yes, we had a dream together…”

“Could you tell us about it? Some cookies around the kingdom have been having weird dreams and I want to get to the bottom of it. Cocoa Cookie said you were swimming in a pool of warm cocoa.”

“We weren’t ‘swimming’ in it!” Mint Choco responded, a twinge of discomfort in his voice. “We were drowning in it! My legs had gotten so soggy I couldn’t feel them! And my poor violin had sunk too far away to reach.” He looked down and paused for a moment. “And… there was something there. I don’t know if it was in the beverage with us or nearby, but…it wanted to eat us.” Mint Choco shuddered and shook his head. “I’m sorry, I cannot remember any more.” He got up and hesitated before pulling up his violin and resuming his performance. The music was just as beautiful as before, but seemed a bit more agitated.

They got dinner on the way home; a jelly pizza tonight instead of burgers. As they got into the house, a hungry cat sat waiting for them at the door, meowing and forcefully rubbing on Almond’s legs. After Constable Whiskers was fed, Almond decided to call up dispatch to find out the status of the magic tests he had requested near where he had met with Beet. The signal had more interference than usual, but he was still able to make conversation.

“The magic levels here are even higher than at the house. Some of the equipment we brought up the mountain short circuited.”

“Any indication as to the purpose of the likely UMO at the top of the mountain?”

“Appears to be an energy source. Unclear what it’s supposed to be powering, but it is protected by several layers of force fields.”

“Copy. That’s all the info I need for now.”

Almond shut down the walkie talkie. The pin board he and Walnut had been working on was a near-incomprehensible mess. Almond decided to go over the case in his head while Walnut mused over the case files and pieced things together.
Soulstones stolen. Several cookies missing, most likely kidnapped, possibly injured. Same cookie responsible for both crimes. Used teleportation magic. Magic appears to be fueled by a large crystal situated outside of town.
He figured this would be another night to sleep on the case. Walnut could return the books in the morning, and he’d check on the flourensic team and whatever the status was on the magic tests, assuming they could still get accurate readings with the damaged equipment.

“It really feels like this case is makin’ us go around in circles,” Almond observed as he sat down to eat with Walnut. She nodded and took a bite from her pizza.

“With the dreams, it seems like they’re usually bad dreams. I think the reason Cocoa Cookie enjoyed her dream so much is that she’s so obsessed with cocoa; she was too busy enjoying that part of the dream to realize it was supposed to be scary.”

Almond nodded.

“I don’t know about Espresso Cookie’s dream or my dream, but it seems in all the other dreams that there’s been some monster about, wanting to eat cookies,” Walnut continued. “Mint Choco Cookie mentioned that ‘something’ wanted to eat them. Custard Cookie said there was a big monster in his dream that was about to eat him when he woke up. And Caprese Cookie said she always gets eaten by dragons and stuff in her dreams.”

“There was that story she told at the campfire,” Almond reminded. “At first, I’ll admit I was a bit skeptical of her story. While I still believe she exaggerated a few of those details, it’s likely at least some of what she told is true. Though I believe the theme of the story may have affected the content of a few cookies’ dreams.”

“But Custard, Cocoa, and Mint Choco Cookie weren’t at the campfire,” Walnut pointed out.

“That is true,” Almond admitted. “But I believe that’s a story Caprese Cookie has told multiple times. She’s likely told variations of it to entertain the cookies around her, and she would’ve been around Custard Cookie when she was staying at the castle. I’m not so sure on the other cookies, though.”

“Tomorrow we can ask her and the others more specifics on the dreams they’ve had. Maybe now that we’ve narrowed things down we’ll be able to get more detailed information.”

Almond took their plates after they finished eating and brushed the food debris into the trash before placing them into the sink. As he began to wash them, Walnut decided to offer up her latest theory on the case.

"I was thinking, maybe we've been looking at this case wrong. It's like every clue we find just makes the puzzle bigger."

"That tends to happen when ya got a case like this," Almond responded.

"What if the culprit isn't a cookie?" Walnut suggested. Almond raised an eyebrow.

"If the culprit was a human, or a witch, it would explain why we've had trouble finding cookie suspects," Walnut continued. "If humans are like witches, maybe they can use soulstones, but not make them. And if they used a portal to get in, they could stick their hand into the vault without being seen. Caprese Cookie said humans have big long fingers for grabbing things, right?"

Almond finished washing the dishes and set them to dry on the rack.

"But, if the culprit was a human, their motive would be, to.... eat cookies. The missing cookies..." Walnut trailed off.

Almond could sense his daughter's distress as he sat back down at the table.

"Kiddo, lets not worry about that until we get more details of the case sorted out. There's still a lot of turns this case could take."

"What do you think, then?"

"I think you've done a good job thinking outside the jar on this case. You've put a lot of the information you've got together to make sense of things. But it's not just the information you've gotta consider when working a case. It's the source of that information, too. How reliable it is."

"What do you mean?"

"All that information you've got on humans, seems like it's come from the same source."

"Caprese Cookie," Walnut admitted.

"If I was a cookie trying to get away with something, it would be much easier to try to pin the blame on someone, or something, else. Get some sort of a scapegoat into the picture, easy to dodge any blame. And it's not just humans she's switched the spotlight on."

There was a pause. Almond expected Walnut to chime in, but she was intent to hear what he had to say next.

"Did you notice earlier, when we were in the library, how I asked her twice if she had anything to hide? For any innocent cookie, an easy answer would be no. But when I asked her, her first response was that she was hiding jellies from Eclair Cookie. And when I asked specifically if she was hiding anything in regards to the case, she immediately switched our attention to Dark Enchantress Cookie. Now, certainly, Dark Enchantress Cookie does fit our criminal profile, but Caprese Cookie made sure we focused on that topic long enough for the question to be dropped."

"Caprese Cookie never tried to dodge the questions I asked her," Walnut argued. "And we already talked about her alibi, and how she doesn't really have a motive. What theory do you have that makes you so suspicious of her?"

"Admittedly, it's mostly her body language and behavior," Almond explained. "But the theory I got is that she's working with some other cookies. Ya hear how she was talking about someone before we came into the library?" He shook his head. "Maybe she's not the culprit herself, but I'd say she's in on it, in on whatever's going on. My guess is she's tossin' around all this human talk as a way to spook cookies away from the real criminals. Maybe even has a way to mess with their dreams, too. And I'll bet it has something to do with that UMO."

"I head you say that on the radio," Walnut responded. "U-M-O. What does that mean?"

"Unidentified Magical Object," Almond explained. "There's some magical anomalies outside of town, strong enough to mess with the testing equipment, seem to be coming from a large crystal. And they got the same magical signature as the portals."

He paused.

"I was able to find Beet Cookie, the tracker Lemon Wafer Cookie hired. Something's been bugging her, seems like she might have a few crumbs loose, but she was certain all three of those missing cookies were in that house."

"That mean's we're on the right track, though!" Walnut replied. "But a big crystal? Are they using it to power their spells?"

"No clue in that regard, kiddo."

"Definitely part of the case, though."

They both nodded.

"UMO's are always tricky, but I'd say once we've got surveillance on that hill, we'll be able to identify the culprit in no-time. For now, kid, lets get ready for some sleep. I'm sure we've got another big day tomorrow."

Chapter Text

After Almond and Walnut had gotten ready for the day and had their breakfast, they headed back to the museum to return the books.

“Did ya get a chance to read those books last night?” Almond asked. Walnut nodded.

“Yea. This one about dreams was interesting. Apparently some cookies believe that dreams are windows into other worlds!” She giggled. “Remember that dream I had where Constable Whiskers was pink and the size of our house? Imagine if there was a world where that really happened!”

“That’s certainly an unusual theory to explain the randomness of the sleeping mind,” Almond mused aloud.

"Yea," Walnut responded. "Though, it made me think. Apparently a lot of magic, especially teleportation magic, relies on getting energy from the moon or other universes. I don't really know what that means, but what if the teleportation is causing the weird dreams cookies have been having?"

"I suppose that's a possibility."

As they reached the museum, they found Caprese Cookie eating a breakfast of jellies on a stump outside. She waved at them when she spotted them before finishing her food and returning inside. As they followed her in, they found Eclair Cookie enjoying a morning cup of tea at his desk. He smiled as Walnut returned the books to his desk.

“I see these are in perfect condition,” Eclair noted approvingly, flipping through the pages and checking the covers for scratches.

“They were a fun read, too!” Walnut responded with an enthusiastic nod.

“Oh, and Caprese Cookie?” Walnut continued. “I wanted to ask more about the dreams you keep having.”

“I had another dream about getting eaten by a dragon last night,” Caprese responded.

“Oh? Again? And what was it like? Do you know what flavor of dragon-?” Eclair began, pulling out a scroll from under his desk.

“If you keep asking what it’s like to get eaten by a dragon, I’m gonna find a dragon to feed you to myself,” Caprese shot back at Eclair jokingly. He laughed nervously and put the scroll away.

“Oh, I also wanted to ask you more about humans,” Walnut added, turning back to Caprese. Caprese frowned.

“Ah, yes, the humans!” Eclair chimed in again. “Only mentioned in a few texts, usually in relation to the witches. Large, towering creatures with an uncertain relationship with cookiekind.”

Caprese made a noise of discomfort.

“Well, a lot of cookies were having weird dreams and I thought maybe it had to do with the story you told at the campfire about humans,” Walnut explained.

“Ah huh,” Caprese nodded nervously.

“Did you tell other cookies the story besides the ones at the party?”

“Yea,” Caprese responded, nodding. “A few times.”

“I guess that answers that question. Is… the story true?”

“Yea…”

“So humans eat cookies… have you ever seen a human eat a cookie?”

Caprese nodded, her eye twitching slightly.

“...did anyone you know… get… eaten?”

Caprese seemed to think for a moment.

“...maybe? I’m not really sure how to answer that, actually. What does this have to do with the soulstone thing?”

“Oh! Well, there’s actually two-” Walnut was interrupted by a nudge from her dad.

“Case information is confidential, kid.”

“Well, she’s not gonna be able to help us if she doesn’t know what’s going on!”

Almond sighed.

“Alright, kiddo. Only tell her the basics, though.”

“Ok, so, you know that we figured out that whoever stole the soulstones used a portal to get in. But, I originally came here on another case.”

“Oh, that explains why you said ‘cases’ the other day,” Caprese noted to Almond. He narrowed his eyes.

“The case I was assigned,” Walnut continued. “Was about three cookies who went missing recently. And when we found flourensic evidence where the cookies were last seen, there was evidence of teleportation happening there, too.”

“And….this has to do with the dream stuff and my story how? ” Caprese glanced between Almond and Walnut.

“I don’t really know,” Walnut admitted. “But it feels odd, and we’re trying to follow any leads we can, even if the clues seem to go off in a weird direction.”

“Do you know why a cookie might want soulstones?” Almond asked. "Or do you, perhaps, know of any cookies who would want them?"

“Didn’t you, or Vanilla, say that cookies can’t use them?” Caprese asked, a quizzical expression on her face, as if that question was fundamentally silly to ask.

“Pure Vanilla Cookie did say that, yes. But we know the cookie responsible for the crimes had advanced magical capabilities.”

“Are you wanting me to guess a motive or something?”

“Well, I wanted to know if you thought humans were involved or something,” Walnut explained. “There’s a house we found-”

“ Walnut… ” Almond warned.

“Nevermind…” Walnut sighed.

“Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me,” Caprese offered.

“Alright, we’ll probably head out, then,” Almond responded, exchanging a glance with Walnut and gesturing for her to follow him out. She glanced between him and Caprese before obeying her father.

As they left the building, Almond could tell Walnut was again frustrated about his resistance to releasing information on the case. They walked for a few moments as Almond pondered what to say. As he prepared to have a talk with his daughter, they were caught off-guard by a loud boom that shook the ground.

As Almond tried to find the cause of the noise, Walnut took off towards the museum, apparently to make sure Eclair and Caprese were ok. Almond ended up following her back into the museum.
The museum and the cookies inside seemed to be fine, though things were still swaying.
Eclair Cookie muttered something about ensuring the safety of his relics before dashing off into one of the museum halls. Caprese came back out into the museum lobby from the library, giggling with frisson.

“Woah, was that an earthquake?” She asked, grinning. “We used to get them all the time back home!”

“It sounded more like an explosion,” Almond observed, surveying the room for any potential damage.

“Look,” Caprese said, pointing at the chandelier on the ceiling as it continued to swing. “It’s swinging in that direction.” She moved her arm back and forth overhead with the makeshift pendulum.

“Usually that means that if you were to extend that line out, at one end would be the epicenter,” she explained.

“The noise sounded like it came from that direction,” Almond responded, pointing between the library and the front door.

“Then that’s the way we should investigate!” Walnut announced, dashing out the door. Caprese and Almond followed her outside.

As they reached the path, Walnut was already about, looking for clues. Almond surveyed the direction he believed the sound had come from. He noticed something peculiar. It was difficult to see against the blue sky, but a streak of light appeared to be coming from the ground a distance away, a bit like a searchlight. Walnut and Caprese seemed to notice it at the same time Almond did.

“What is that?” Walnut asked, tilting her head to look at another angle.

“Like a big light or something,” Caprese responded.

“Let’s go check it out!” Walnut insisted, quickening her pace to a jog and moving down the path, with Almond and Caprese in pursuit.

After chasing his daughter for a while, he suddenly realized what direction they were headed and called out for Walnut to stop. She slowed down and glanced back as they caught up.

“Kid, we’re headed towards the house and that meadow I mentioned last night,” Almond explained. “I think that light’s coming from the crystal on the hill.”

“Crystal?” Caprese murmured.

“Oh, well if we’re going towards the house, I can show Caprese!” Walnut announced. She motioned for Caprese to follow her and they both took off towards the house.

“Walnut!” Almond shouted, chasing after them both.

By the time he reached the ransacked house, the two of them had already gone inside. As he prepared to follow them in, he stopped as he noticed the lack of any flourensic team members on scene. Surely they would’ve stationed at least one cookie at the house as a guard?
He entered the house cautiously and found it to be much the same as the last time he had been inside, save for markings left by the flourensic team in regards to evidence.

“Don’t touch anything! ” he demanded as he spotted Caprese bending over to poke the streak of jam. She got up awkwardly and focused her attention on the rest of the house.

“Walnut, why did you want to bring Caprese Cookie here so badly? This area is still considered an active crime scene. Anyone not related directly to the case could easily tamper with evidence, even accidentally.”

"I wanted Caprese to at least look to see if it’s a possibility, what I was saying last night. If a human did any of this, Caprese Cookie might know,” Walnut explained.

“Get off that!” Almond ordered as he caught Caprese sitting on a piece of damaged furniture. She huffed and got up, but Almond caught her smirk as she turned away.

“What do you think, though?” Walnut asked Caprese as they both examined the cracked ceiling.

“Yea, possible,” Caprese nodded, squinting. “Human could probably tear the roof off like that.” She laughed nervously and shuddered.

“You two better wrap it up here,” Almond reminded. “We still need to investigate the source of that noise.”

“Right,” Walnut responded. Caprese glanced around and followed them outside.
They continued out towards the meadow, Walnut stopping and pointing out spots of smashed trees on the way. By the time they reached the meadow, it was clear the light was coming from the top of the hill. It was also clear that something had gone wrong for the flourensics team, as a bunch of equipment in the center of the meadow stood damaged and abandoned.

“What’s that stuff for?” Caprese asked, wandering over to the equipment.

“Magic testing devices,” Almond responded. “Seems like they overloaded.”

“Where is everyone?” Walnut asked before she pulled out a magnifying glass and investigated the area.

“My guess would be up there,” Almond remarked, pointing up to the hill where the beam of light was still shining.
As he motioned for the two cookies to follow him, he was startled by a voice coming from within the underbrush.

“Shh! Get down before they see you!”

“Beet-?” Almond asked, flinching as a hand pulled him down, forcing him to crouch. He motioned for Caprese and Walnut to get down with him.

“What are we hiding from? And who is that?” Walnut Cookie asked, searching the bushes for the source of the voice as she crouched down next to Almond.

“Not tree-stompers,” Beet responded.

“Walnut, Caprese Cookie, this is Beet Cookie,” Almond explained.

“Ugh,” Beet groaned. “You went into that house, didn’t you? Stinks of that smell...”

“Smell?” Caprese asked.

“What are we hiding from?” Walnut asked again.

“Them,” Beet responded, pulling Almond’s head down and pointing to a pack of cake hounds on patrol. The dogs continued past, trotting along and sniffing around intermittently.

“Oiszffthesquishy puppers,” Caprese burbled. The other cookies gave her an odd look.

The cake hound nearest them perked its ears up and tilted its head towards where the group was hiding. It sniffed the air and started sniffing the ground and following the steps they had taken into the woods.

“Agh!” Beet hissed quietly. “That stink is gonna blow our cover!”

The group tried to stay as quiet as possible as the hound continued to sniff closer to them. Once it was within a few steps of them, it perked its head up and seemed to spot them. As it moved in preparation to bark, it instead made a muffled whimper as it found itself wrapped in vine-like arms of string cheese.

“I have gotten the pupper,” Caprese announced, pulling the dog back into the woods with them. It whined quietly but made no attempts to free itself from the tangle of mozzarella. Walnut seemed intrigued about the cake hound, and snuck over to Caprese to get a better look.

“What are those things doing here?” Almond asked, frowning as Walnut touched the dog Caprese had captured.

“They must be attracted to that smell,” Beet suggested.

“Or the crystal thingy,” Walnut offered.

“They showed up sometime last night,” Beet explained. “But they didn’t attack until that big boom happened. It caused chaos for that team of cops.”

“The flourensics team,” Almond inferred aloud.

“Their equipment started going crazy, and those beasts seemed to take it as an opportunity to attack. The cookies scattered and left all the equipment here.”

“But why are they here?”

“Not sure,” Beet said, shaking her head.

The group looked up as they heard a voice from the meadow. Two red cookies stood in the center. The group of cake hounds had formed an orderly group behind the cookie facing away from them. The other cookie spoke first.

“I assume you’ve made good time clearing the area of any cookie who might interfere with our Master’s arrival?”

“Yes,” the second cookie responded. “My troops have checked the perimeter several times. Though, I am concerned that at least one soldier has gone MIA.”

“That is of no concern to our Master.”

“But…it is of concern to me…”

There was a moment of pause.

“Your time would be better spent determining the source of that magical energy,” the first cookie responded, glancing up the hill at the beam of light. “Though I suppose any cookie with eyes could determine where.”

“The cookies who were here earlier seemed to believe it was a powerful source of magic.”

“But I suppose it is not Soul Jam?”

“I do not believe so.”

“Well, you ought to make sure that power is worth the Master’s time. She rarely comes herself on such a mission as this unless she sees it to be worth her while. Of course, recent failures could perhaps have led her to believe she needed to take care of this herself? ”
The cookie surrounded by cake hounds grumbled.

“Very well,” He conceded. “I will investigate the source myself.” He turned around towards the group and headed towards them. As he approached, it was clear that his right arm was not that of an ordinary cookie. It was long and clawed, dragging a long, serrated weapon along the ground. The blade glistened in the sunlight. As he approached, the cake monsters followed at his heel.

Soon enough, the hounds around him were in sniffing range and immediately picked up the scent. The cookie seemed to notice the dogs’ shift in attention and looked in the group’s direction as the cake hounds continued sniffing closer. Suddenly, several hounds spotted them and started to bark, charging towards the group.

Chapter Text

“Scatter!” Beet yelled as the pack of hounds lunged into the plant cover.

Almond snatched Walnut by the arm and dragged her off with him, fleeing the scene as quickly as he could. As soon as he felt that no cake hounds were on their tail, he glanced back to see what had happened.

Beet was nowhere to be seen, but Almond could make out enough to see Caprese Cookie as she was dragged out of the forest by the pack of hounds, her mozzarella arms still tight around the one she had captured. Despite the situation, she appeared to be giggling as she was dragged to the feet of the hounds’ cookie commander.

“Hi…” she said.

“You’ve taken one of my soldiers captive!” the Cookie accused. “If there is so much as a smudge on his frosting I will turn this meadow red with your jam!”

“Boop,” Caprese responded, clearly unphased, as she dropped the cake hound onto the cookie’s head. He grunted and grabbed the hound before setting it on the ground gently.

“I will not tolerate this insolence!” he growled, moving as if preparing to strike Caprese, though she made no attempt to protect herself.

“Don’t hurt her!” Walnut yelped. Almond immediately covered her mouth with his hand, but it was too late. The cookie stopped and turned towards them, squinting at the woods.

“Investigate!” he ordered to a group of cake hounds, pointing. They bounded off towards Almond and Walnut’s hiding spot. Almond grabbed Walnut and tried to flee again, but his coat almost immediately got caught on a branch. He tried to free himself from the snag, but the hounds found them first, surrounding them and snarling. The dogs forced the two of them back out into the meadow.

“It appears my patrol was not as thorough as I thought,” the cookie with the strange arm observed, glaring at the three of them.

“Three cookies!?” The other cookie noticed. “To think they could have gone on undetected! Unacceptable! I’d hate to think what could happen to you if our Master heard of this…”

“Pomegranate Cookie, please,” the other responded, glaring. “They have been captured, they are of no threat to us now.”

“We shall see…” Pomegranate Cookie responded, glaring at the three of them. “But if there are any further interruptions, I assure you the Master will not be pleased.”

The other cookie growled as Pomegranate Cookie walked away, her robe trailing delicately along behind her.

“Are you hurt?” the hound commander asked, picking up the cake hound Caprese had grabbed. It licked his hand and yipped with contentment. The cookie looked down and glared at Caprese.

“You got a lot of puppies,” Caprese observed, still laying on her back.

“If any of you continue to interfere with our Master’s plans here, do not think I will be merciful.”

“Who are you?” Walnut asked, pulling out her notepad. The cookie scoffed.

“I am Red Velvet Cookie, leader of Dark Enchantress Cookie’s cake army! And what business do you gnats have for being here?”

“We were trying to figure out what caused that loud noise!” Walnut explained.

“You are a child? The battlefield is no place for someone as freshly-baked as you!”

Caprese squeaked, then paused before tapping Red Velvet on the shoulder with a cheese arm.

“You said you work for ‘Dark Enchantress Cookie’?” Caprese asked. “Black and red cape, with the horns?”

“I’d like to apologize for… that one,” Almond said before he could respond, smiling at Red Velvet Cookie as politely as he could manage.

“That is correct,” Red Velvet answered, ignoring Almond and nodding at Caprese. “I have my eternal loyalty to her, as she saved me from the witches when I was still warm out of the oven.”

“You said she’s gonna be here?” Caprese asked hopefully.

“Shortly, yes.”

“Cool, cool.” Caprese turned and looked at Almond and Walnut and gave them a goofy grin.

“We can do the thing,” she mouthed silently to Almond.

“No,” Almond mouthed back, adamantly shaking his head.

There was an awkward few minutes of silence. Caprese decided to pull one of the cake dogs onto her lap, much to Red Velvet’s displeasure, but the dog seemed content and Red Velvet said nothing.

Suddenly a cloud of dark smoke appeared on the other side of the meadow.

“Sit!” Red Velvet ordered. All the cake hounds sat down obediently, and the one on top of Caprese hopped off and did the same. “Stay!” The cake hounds obeyed.

“That goes to you three as well,” he added, nodding at the group before turning towards the dark cloud.

The smoke began to fade as three figures emerged from the haze.

“Oh, Master!” Pomegranate Cookie cried in delight as she greeted the three figures.

As the haze continued to clear, it revealed the three arriving cookies in more detail. On one end stood a cookie dressed in torn robes and adorned with a necklace of sugar skulls. He let out a sharp, nasally cackle that was not reciprocated by any of the other cookies. The cookie at the other end was smaller, with a soft-looking cape and pink hair. Despite their child-like appearance, it was clear even from a distance that their face was decorated with a mischievous grin. The cookie in the middle was much easier to identify. The curled horns poking through the mist, and the air of malice and contempt told Almond that this cookie was, without a doubt, Dark Enchantress Cookie.

“And who are these urchins?” Dark Enchantress muttered, scrutinizing the captured trio.

“Oh, worry not about those gnats, Master!” Pomegranate reassured. “Some curious interlopers we were just preparing to dispose of.” Dark Enchantress made a quiet noise of approval.

“I take it this supposed concentrated beacon of magic is at the top of this hill?” Dark Enchantress mused, glancing at the beam of light. “But I also take it this is not a fragment of Soul Jam? I do hope this is worth my time...”

As Dark Enchantress’ group passed, Caprese glanced between them. She decided to take a risk, springing off of a mozzarella arm and landing directly in front of Dark Enchantress Cookie. Dark Enchantress seemed taken aback, but smiled with cruel amusement.

“What’s this?”

“You said you had them under control!” Pomegranate hissed at Red Velvet.

“I didn’t think any of them would be stupid enough to move!” he growled back.

“Oh, never mind that,” Dark Enchantress responded, waving at her followers dismissively before looking back at Caprese. “Now, who might you be?”

“Analyzing!” the pink cookie responded. “Stringy Mozzarella, fresh basil, tomato, and a sprinkling of balsamic vinegar! 99.9% Unleavened dough, 0.1% life powder, and-” They paused, scrutinizing Caprese, apparently both curious and somewhat confused.

“Just a speck of life powder!?” Dark Enchantress mused with a smirk. “Poor thing! I’m surprised you can even stand up with so little!”

“Maybe I just use it more efficiently!” Caprese responded with a huff, apparently more offended than frightened.

“Tsk. The witches who baked you couldn’t be bothered to do it properly! Oh, I could help you reach your full potential! But, I do have a question to ask you first.”

Caprese hesitated a moment, evidently pondering something.

“Fine, what’s your question?”

“Do you know why us cookies were created?”

“This a trick question? Or...?”

“Just answer!” Dark Enchantress hissed.

“Alright, jeez,” Caprese responded with a smirk. “Thought you’d give me a harder one.”

“Oh, then do tell me. What, are they created to lull about and watch birds in the sunlight? To sit about and be warm, sweet and happy? To-” Enchantress stopped to scoff. “Have little families? ”

Almond put an arm around Walnut instinctively.

“Ha, nope!” Caprese responded, reciprocating Dark Enchantress’ scoff.

“Oh, then please do enlighten all of us!”

“Cookies are made to be…” Caprese began, pacing back and forth in front of the sorceress as if to build emphasis. “-eaten!” She finished her sentence with a smug grin, making direct eye contact with the villainous cookie.

Dark Enchantress seemed taken off guard.

“What!? ” Walnut responded incredulously before Almond covered her mouth again, though he had to wrestle with her to keep her still.

Dark Enchantress smirked.

“Well, duh! ” Caprese continued. “Why else would they make cookies with such a generous amount of sugar? Humans… witches love sugar!” She laughed and shuddered. “They crave that sweet crunchiness, the chewy sweetness of baked dough in their mouths!”

“I do believe this is the first time I’ve received a correct answer to that question,” Dark Enchantress said with a grin. “But I suppose I now owe you a follow up question.” Her eyes narrowed. “Have you ever wished for, perhaps, more? To rise above even the witches, and fight against the cruel fate they have cursed upon cookiekind? I could help you make up for that lack of life powder in your dough, and teach you the ways of dark magic! After all, I do sense some darkness in you.”

Caprese sputtered in surprise and paused for a moment. Suddenly she erupted into laughter.

“You... what? You’re trying to take down the witches!? Eeshh, guess that explains a lot though! You can’t just… mess with stuff like that! There’s consequences and whatever.” She shrugged. “Besides, witches are the ones creating cookies. Even if they eat a few, as long as there are cookies around, it’s still a net-positive.”

Dark Enchantress’ smug grin had changed to a look of disgust.

“Even knowing the horrors of the witches, you have no intention to fight against them!? You. Useless. Piece of. Dough!”

“Ha, yea...” Caprese muttered with a dismissive shrug. “Anyways… yoink!” Caprese made a grab for Dark Enchantress’ staff and tried to pull it away, but Enchantress resisted and kept her grip.

“Foolish, pitiable creature!” Enchantress growled. “Do you think you can best me by stealing my staff?”

Caprese grunted and continued her attempt to pull the staff away with her mozzarella arms. Almond felt Walnut grab his hand tightly. He could sense she wanted to help Caprese, but both of them knew it was too dangerous to try.

“And do you think you’re the only cookie here with an extra pair of hands!?” Enchantress continued, summoning two monstrous cake arms from portals at her sides.

“Oh-” Caprese breathed, clearly not anticipating this. One cake arm grabbed her and tossed her aside as the other tore the cheese arms in half. Caprese reformed the cheese arms and used them to break her fall, though she still hit the ground hard enough to leave a mark. Dark Enchantress shook off the cheese from her staff in disgust. Caprese pulled herself off the ground, twitching slightly, and grimaced as she straightened the tomato in her hair.

She took a moment to catch her breath, then lunged back at Enchantress, the cheese and cake arms grabbing each other. She strained to get closer but was unable to push against the monster arms. The two cookies glared at each other.

“A shame for any cookie to go to waste,” Enchantress hissed, pushing harder against the limbs of cheese. “But I suppose it’s best if I put you out of your misery!”

She fired a bolt of energy directly into Caprese’s chest, emitting a flash of bright red light that forced Almond to shield his eyes.

As the light faded, both cookies still stood, though the cheese arms had melted and fallen to the ground.

Caprese stood in shock as she felt the hole of burnt crumbs and melted mozzarella that had been her chest a moment before.



She was silent for a moment before she looked back at Dark Enchantress with a mix of surprise and rage.

“You…little-!” she growled, lunging at Enchantress with the last of her strength, though the force of the effort was enough to crack what was left of her torso in two. She collapsed at Dark Enchantress’ feet, her tomato hairpin falling off and rolling towards the pink cookie. They picked the tomato up and grinned.

“Ha! Did you see how fast she crumbled!” They giggled, staring at Caprese’s smoldering remains. Dark Enchantress smirked, surveying the destruction she had wrought.

“No!” Walnut cried, turning and burying her face in Almond’s shirt. He wrapped his coat around her protectively.

“Oh, fantastic shot, Master!” Pomegranate Cookie praised. “Shall we dispose of those other two as well?”

Almond could feel Walnut’s grip tighten.

“An old man and a child? They are no threat to us. Leave them, perhaps they will be wiser than their friend.” Dark Enchantress turned away. “Do clean up that mess, though? We aren’t barbarians!”

The Cookies of Darkness continued up the hill towards the crystal, save for Red Velvet and his hounds. He glanced at Almond and Walnut with a hint of apology before barking orders at his army.

“Move out!” He hesitated. “Squad two! Dispose of the body! Give it a… proper burial!”

Almond and Walnut sat in silence as the cake army dispersed. Almond tried to comfort his daughter as she whimpered.

“We’re ok, it’s ok,” He reassured, stroking Walnut’s hair.

“...But… Caprese Cookie’s not! ”

Chapter Text

The two of them sat in silence, interrupted intermittently by Walnut’s sobs. Almond kept his hand on her back to comfort her as he tried to take mental notes on the scene that had played out before him. He’d been trained for the possibility of witnessing a cookie’s end. There were many ways a magical accident could turn sour. But the key to solving any case was to remain an impartial witness, to separate the work from any emotions. It wasn’t so much what had happened that was getting to him, but that his daughter had witnessed it too. To see a cookie crumble in front of you was hard enough to manage as an adult, let alone a child.

He continued piecing together the details as they sat. It seemed the group of cookies with Dark Enchantress did not know the purpose of the crystal, which meant Dark Enchantress likely was not the one to put it there. They did, however, seem to have been drawn to it by the high levels of magical energy it was producing. Of course, this also meant that Dark Enchantress was not the one who had stolen the soulstones or created the portals.
Which meant that Caprese’s attempt was not only in vain, but would never have given any clues worth sacrificing dough over.

After a few more minutes of thought, he glanced up to see several cookies running over from across the meadow. As they got closer, Almond recognized the cookies as Pure Vanilla Cookie, Tonic Cookie, and several members of the flourensics team. They rushed over, Tonic Cookie coming to their side and helping Almond and Walnut to their feet.

“We had to evacuate when the cake hounds showed up,” Tonic Cookie explained. “A few units were injured and had to be brought to the castle for medical attention.”

“Oh dear, what happened here?” Pure Vanilla asked with concern.

“Dark Enchantress Cookie and her goons took an interest in the crystal set at the top of that hill. They are likely still nearby, stay on guard.”

The flourensic team nodded. Pure Vanilla noticed the burnt patch of ground.

“Oh my! This… these are cookie crumbs! Someone is hurt!”

Tonic Cookie turned to examine the spot, collecting the burnt crumbs and a blob of string cheese in separate test tubes.

“Caprese Cookie. They- …She-” Walnut whimpered.

“Caprese Cookie tried to take on Dark Enchantress Cookie alone,” Almond explained. “Dark Enchantress Cookie… broke her in half.” He paused to put a hand on his daughter. “They took the body away.”

“The Dark Flour,” Pure Vanilla Cookie sighed, turning his attention to a flower in bloom nearby. He stroked the plant gently.

“She used to be so different… she wanted to help cookies. But ever since that incident at the academy…” he trailed off.

“You knew Dark Enchantress Cookie?”

Pure Vanilla Cookie nodded.

“White Lily Cookie wanted to know the secrets of the witches, about the purpose cookies had in the world. But when she came back…she had been changed, ravaged by exposure to Dark Magic. She was spiteful, cruel. She wanted us to help her overthrow the witches, the world’s natural order, with our Soul Jam. When we refused, I had to sacrifice everything to contain her.”

“It seems that containment was not permanent,” Almond Cookie noted. Pure Vanilla looked down.

“If only I had done better,” Pure Vanilla sighed. “Perhaps if I had convinced Caprese Cookie to stay a few more nights in the castle, this would not have happened.”

“There’s no one to blame for this but Dark Enchantress Cookie,” Almond insisted. “She may not be responsible for our cases, but she killed a cookie in cold jam.” He paused. “We should clear the area before we have another incident.”

Tonic and their team did their best to retrieve the damaged equipment as Almond, Walnut, and Pure Vanilla headed back to the kingdom.

“...is it true? What Caprese Cookie and Dark Enchantress Cookie said?” Walnut began, shakily. “...That the witches created cookies to be eaten?”

Almond had no answer.

“Dear child,” Pure Vanilla Cookie began. “Why would the witches give us life if their intention was to take it? Dark Enchantress Cookie has been spreading that horrid idea across Earthbread since before the war began!”

“I guess…that makes sense,” Walnut considered. “But Caprese said she’d seen cookies get eaten. By humans, not witches, but-” She paused. “Pure Vanilla Cookie, have you ever seen a human?”

“I have not, though I have heard of them in the past. Of them, though, I do not remember much, I merely remember the word.”

Walnut grabbed Almond’s hand again. Almond could see how frightened and uncertain she was. He didn’t want to admit to her that he still remained suspicious of Caprese despite her death, but he knew that Walnut had been in the library regularly, and had spent time getting to know her. Seeing a cookie you knew, even for a short time, get killed in front of you was not something you could quickly recover from.

“Dad, I really think, a human did it.” She sniffled. “Eclair Cookie made it sound like he’d heard of humans before. He might have a book about them. Or witches.”

“Do you want us to head back to the museum?”

Walnut nodded silently.

“Alright.” He turned to Pure Vanilla. “Keep the kingdom safe. We’re going to work on our case at the museum.”

“Both of you…” Pure Vanilla began. “You should take a rest. You’ve already been working rather hard, and I can’t imagine the stress you must be in from what you’ve been through today.”

“We’ll take things slow,” Almond responded with a nod. Pure Vanilla looked at them both with concern before nodding and continuing his trip back to the kingdom.

As they entered the museum, they found Eclair’s desk empty, though they could hear his jumpy voice echoing from the museum’s halls. He let out a noise of surprise as the large door closed behind them.

“Eclair Cookie?” Walnut called as they entered the museum hall. They spotted Eclair from around a corner, muttering a complaint as he attempted to straighten several hung frames that had been knocked askew.

“Ah, I was wondering who had come in,” Eclair greeted upon seeing them enter the room. “If you could ask Caprese Cookie to come in here when she has a moment, I’d greatly appreciate the extra hands. That tremor knocked quite many a relic askew! Will take me ages to fix this all by myself.”

The room went silent. Walnut whined quietly. Eclair seemed to recognize that something was wrong, but seemed confused in his attempt to discern exactly what.

“Apologies, I- did something happen?”

“There was an incident…” Almond began, glancing down at his daughter.

“Capres- she’s gone,” Walnut sputtered, taking off her hat. “Like, gone -gone.”

Eclair stared at them for a moment, glancing between Walnut and Almond before looking at the floor and removing his hat as well.

“Oh- oh dear, I am so sorry. What…happened?”

“Dark Enchantre-” Almond began.

“-Do you have any books on humans?” Walnut interrupted, clearly intending to switch topics before recalling the events of the morning.

“I- well, I’d have to check the records, but I still need to fix all these displays. Would you two be able to help? We would be able to discuss things as we work.”

“I don’t see why not?” Almond responded, checking his daughter’s response. She nodded.

“Ah, wonderful!” Eclair clapped his hands as if to lighten the mood. “If you could just straighten that frame right there. Yes, like that, wonderful.”

With three cookies working together, they made short work of fixing several rooms worth of displays. As they entered the fourth room, Eclair’s eyes lit up.

“Ah, yes, perhaps I do know some things about humans!” He declared, trotting over to a relic on display. He turned around to face Walnut and Almond as they followed him in.

“This here is what Caprese Cookie told me is a very common human artifact. So common, in fact, it was once her job to collect and discard them so that the ground would stay tidy!”

He gestured to the relic.

“I’m sure you’ve noted the illustration. Initially I thought it was meant to depict a witch’s head, but Caprese Cookie informed me that the face is, in fact, that of a human.”

He gently propped up the bag, which made a noise reminiscent of sand.

“This is full of what humans call desiccant, or silica gel. A strange substance that can absorb moisture. Apparently humans use it to keep all sorts of things dry and crispy.”

“What’s the difference…” Walnut began. “Between witches and humans? They sound… kinda similar.”

“Ah, a good question! It seems the distinction here is magic, ” Eclair explained. “While humans and witches are both described as great, towering figures, humans seem to be incapable of using magic.”

“Caprese and Dark Enchantress Cookie made it sound like witches and humans both eat cookies, though…”

“Well, if the old legends are to be believed …” Eclair pondered.

“Legends?” Walnut asked, curious but still concerned.

“There are old stories, myths, about the origins of the first cookies,” Eclair responded, pausing to examine the rest of the room. “The relics on display here seem to be in their proper places, I suppose we can finish our tidying now and move onwards to the library.”

Eclair hurried them off to the library before he began to search for any book he could find regarding humans or witches. He pulled several books from the shelves before finally exclaiming and pulling out a very old-looking text.

“Ah ha! I believe this may have some of the information you are looking for,” Eclair exclaimed. “But the pages are far too ancient to handle like a normal book. You will have to allow me to look through it for you, so as not to damage the work.”

“And the other books?” Walnut asked.

“Yes, one of those contains a collection of old legends, including the story of The First Kitchen. As for some of these older texts, some of the first cookie scholars and scribes spent time meticulously transcribing the books of witches and wizards into a more compact, cookie-friendly size.”

“So these books were originally written by witches?” Walnut asked, examining one of the books.

“A few of them, yes. That book by your hand there is the one about the old legends, though. Fables passed down for generations and told from cookie to cookie.”

Walnut picked up the book and flipped through until she found the story she was looking for.

“The First Kitchen,” she read aloud before reading the rest to herself. Almond watched her face as she read intently, though the contents clearly troubled her as she frowned partway through the story.

“They’re right…” Walnut muttered, slowly closing the book. “The witches made cookies… to eat us!”

“Kiddo, that’s just a story. Look, right there, it says that all of those first cookies were eaten or crumbled. Who would’ve survived to tell this story?”

“But, a lot of times stories like this are at least based on something that happened!” Walnut argued. “If humans eat cookies, it’s not a stretch to say that witches do, too.”

“Ah, I’ve been able to decipher a few pages of this manuscript,” Eclair announced. “This text is full of instructions on how to create cookies and other dessert life. Though, erm, the context of these instructions does indicate an intent to, well, consume the desserts after baking them…”

Walnut sighed.

“Dad, I get it. You don’t want me to be scared of stuff like this. But, all the clues are saying the same things.” She looked down and paused. “But if it’s the truth, that’s all that matters in a case! Whether it’s a cookie or a human responsible for the missing cookies, we have to find out what happened!”

“And what if it is a human?” Almond asked quietly. “How do you arrest someone bigger than the prison itself? ”

“Mysteries don’t always need to be about arresting people,” Walnut suggested. “Sometimes it’s just a big puzzle. But maybe, instead of arresting a human, we could talk to them? Humans can talk, right? Witches can. We could tell them not to eat us.”

“I think we both know what would happen in that scenario…” Almond responded. “Even if there are humans involved, I’m not gonna let you risk getting yourself eaten.”

“Ok,” Walnut nodded, though she still looked down at the floor.

“I think we both need a bit of a break from this case,” Almond suggested. “I hear there’s a fair nearby. We could either head home and rest, or go to the fairgrounds to keep our minds off this tough stuff to think about.”

“I think I wanna stay home today,” Walnut responded.

“Alright, kiddo, we can do that.”


The trip back to the house was rather quiet, but Almond figured that Walnut needed some time to herself after the events of that morning. He figured that he could help Walnut’s mood by bringing ice cream home, and that taking some time to go shopping would be a good idea as well. He needed some coffee for the house in case the cafe only had decaf again, and the pin board was getting cluttered enough that he’d considered getting a second board for Walnut as well.

“Gonna do some errands. You good by yourself at the house, kiddo?”

Walnut nodded and slumped onto the couch.

“Take it easy, alright?”

“Mhm,” Walnut responded, facing the ceiling with a distant expression.

“Alright..” Almond responded, looking on at his daughter with concern before sighing and closing the door.


The biggest challenge with doing errands, Almond found, was the fact he still didn’t perfectly have his bearings in the kingdom. He had to ask several cookies which shops had what he needed, and it felt like finding some of the items on his shopping list was like solving a case all on its own. Fortunately, most of the cookies in town were polite and helpful, and it was only a short time before Almond had purchased everything on his list. He’d settled for getting a smaller pin board, as the bigger slabs of chocolate were too unwieldy and heavy to carry across town, but he was still finding it to be a challenge to carry the groceries in one hand and the board in the other.

Once he’d finally made it to the house, he fumbled with the door for a while before he managed to push it open and brought everything inside.

“I’m back, kiddo!” Almond announced as he started to put all the groceries away. “I got some ice cream when I was at the store.”

There was no response.

Chapter Text

“Walnut?” He called again, glancing around the room before peeking over the couch where he had last seen her. The couch was bare, save for a few pillows and a lazy cat.

“Walnut!?” He called a third time, checking all the rooms in the house, trying his best to keep his cool as it became increasingly apparent that Walnut was not inside the home.

“What kinda trouble is that kid getting herself into this time?” he groaned. Trouble was, where had Walnut gone, anyhow?

Constable Whiskers seemed unconcerned, so it was likely Walnut had left on her own accord, and nothing inside the house was out of place. The next step, then, would be for Almond to think of where Walnut could’ve run off to. She’s either gone some place to calm her nerves and get some fresh air, or she’d gone out to do more work on the case, which Almond found both more likely and more concerning. His best bet was to ask any cookie he ran into on his way to the museum, and if she wasn’t at the museum, there was the chance she’d gone after the Cookies of Darkness, which was not a possibility Almond wanted to consider.

There was no sign of Walnut in town, and most of the cookies Almond questioned had not seen her, though a few believed they had seen her heading for the east side of town.

He decided to check the museum first, as it was on the eastern side of the kingdom and where he hoped Walnut would be, but the ransacked house, meadow, and the gem were also in that direction.

Almond quickened his pace as he got past the wall of the kingdom and reached the forest path. It wasn’t long before he reached the museum and his fears were realized.

“Oh, hello again,” Eclair greeted, though he read Almond’s expression quickly and added “....your daughter’s not here.”

“Agh, crumbs! If that kid’s gotten herself into serious trouble-”

“She must be taking it hard. This morning, and all…” Eclair observed.

“It’s hard enough dealing with that stuff when you aren’t freshly baked,” Almond agreed. He nodded at Eclair before ducking back outside.

Almond’s pace had quickened to a jog, his coat trailing behind him like the sail of a boat. He stopped at the ransacked house first. The flourensics team had retreated to the house with the broken equipment. Walnut was not at the house, though a few members of the team confirmed they had seen her pass by towards the meadow. He borrowed an extra walkie-talkie from the group; he was tired of trying to track Walnut down nearly every day and in the event she was fine, she was getting a walkie-talkie and a stern talking to as soon as he found her.

His coat continued to snag on branches as he made his way through the forest. Eventually he’d had enough and removed his coat, folded it neatly, and carried it in his arms the rest of the way. When he reached the meadow, there was no sign of any activity, cookie or otherwise, but he still felt that the safest route would be to stay at the edge of the meadow and take the long way around, rather than to go straight through. He didn’t want to risk getting caught out in the open.

Everything was quiet, and as he looked at the top of the hill, he could see that there was no longer a beacon of light. Had the Cookies of Darkness taken the crystal away? Or perhaps absorbed its power? He continued to brainstorm possibilities, though he avoided considering the possibility of anything bad happening to his daughter.

He reached the bottom of the hill and began his climb to the top, though he paused several times on the way to catch his breath and to listen for any signs of cookies or cake hounds. There were signs here and there of damaged plants and trees, likely cleared away to make a path by the Cookies of Darkness. As he reached the top of the hill, he found it empty, save for the crystal, which appeared untouched. The ground lay burnt outside the protective circles, but there was no other evidence that Dark Enchantress or her followers had been in the area.

Almond approached cautiously. The silence unnerved him, but there was no indication of any cookies in the area, though there was definitely evidence of dark magic in the scorched ground.
He considered calling for Walnut, but hesitated in the fear that the villainous cookies would overhear. After contemplating his next course of action, Almond finally decided to head back down the hill, though he reported his findings to dispatch first. As he prepared to head back down, however, he encountered a problem; he wasn’t sure which way down was the correct way to the meadow. The trees were too thick to get a proper view, and when he had gone down the hill the first time, he had been with Beet Cookie. Without her navigation skills and familiarity with the forest, Almond was going to have a harder time making his way back. Where had Beet gone, anyways? She’d disappeared as soon as the hounds had attacked. He figured she had most likely retreated to her hidden bunker to wait things out.

As he started down the hill and pondered his next course of action, he tripped on an exposed root and tumbled down the mountain, crashing into a tangle of leaves that broke his fall. He groaned, disoriented. It felt like he had sprained, or possibly cracked, his ankle, and the various scrapes on his arms and face didn’t feel much better. As he tried to orient himself, he could hear muttering and was nudged in the shoulder by something sharp.

“...Dad?”

Almond’s vision cleared to see that he had crashed into a makeshift barrier of leaves and sticks. The cookie poking him was Beet Cookie, who apparently hadn’t recognized him at first due to the fact that he wasn’t wearing his coat and was also covered in leaves. And, to Almond’s relief, peeking out from the bunker behind Beet was Walnut.

“Oh thank the celestials you’re ok, kiddo,” Almond muttered, picking himself up with a groan. He winced as he put weight on his foot.

“Dad, are you ok?” Walnut asked, trotting over to him.

“Might’ve cracked my leg a bit, I’m just glad you’re ok,” he paused, taking a breath to ease the pain in his foot.

“I’ve got first aid here!” Beet offered, wrapping a gauze made out of leaves around his leg.

“Kiddo, you can’t run off like that!” Almond scolded, forcefully but lightheartedly giving Walnut the second walkie talkie. “Had me worried sick, lookin’ all over the kingdom for you!”

“Kid’s lucky, too,” Beet responded as she continued to tend to the injury. “Tryin’ to go talk to those ne'er-do-well cookies. Lucky that guard had a soft spot.”

“Walnut, you tried to talk with the Cookies of Darkness!? After what Dark Enchantress Cookie did to Caprese Cookie!?”

“I needed to know!” Walnut defended. “If the thing about the witches was true… If- if Caprese Cookie’s not around, we have to, like…”

“Walnut, I understand that today’s been tough for you, but doing reckless things that could…look, kid. I don’t want ya risking your dough like Caprese Cookie did. I’d never be able to forgive myself, if anything-”

“But it worked, ok? That big guy with the dogs, Red Velvet Cookie. He wouldn’t let me up the mountain, but he told me about how a witch ate his arm off. That big scary arm he has, Dark Enchantress Cookie gave it to him as a replacement. Witches do eat cookies! And, he didn’t really apologize about what happened earlier, but I can tell he’s sorry about it.”

Almond put a hand on Walnut’s shoulder and smiled sadly.

“We’ll get to the bottom of this case, kiddo. Whether it’s a cookie, or a witch, or even a human behind all this. But we’re gonna do it together, ok?”

“Yea, I’m sure it’s what Caprese Cookie would’ve wanted! We’re so close, I can feel it!”

“See if you can stand up,” Beet Cookie instructed as she finished treating the wound. Almond got up slowly, wobbling a bit before standing up straight.

“Kiddo, let’s get back to the kingdom. Never know if those goons’ll show up again, and I won’t be much use on a chase if my foot’s not set right.”

“Oh, your coat’s all wrecked!” Walnut noticed, picking up the muddied coat from the ground.

“I’ll have to get it fixed up. Let’s not worry about that now.”

Walnut and Beet helped lead Almond down the mountain, though Beet retreated back into the forest when they reached the meadow.

Instead of going straight home, Walnut had insisted that they go to the castle and look for Pure Vanilla Cookie. The ancient king had been able to heal Almond before, after all, so surely that would be the best place to fix Almond’s leg up all the way.

It took a while for them to reach the castle, as Walnut wasn’t strong enough to prop her father up alone and they had to take frequent breaks from the awkward hobbling. The stairs up to the castle were a greater challenge, but they were able to manage it, Walnut helping keep Almond straight as he used a handrail to keep most of the weight off his bad foot. They found a bench to sit down so that Almond could rest his leg. The rest of him was still covered in scratches, but the pain in his ankle was enough to dull any sting.

“I’m gonna go find Pure Vanilla Cookie!” Walnut announced, preparing to run off.

“Not yet, kiddo!” Almond responded, grabbing Walnut by the rim of her collar as she turned away. She turned back and looked at him, confused.

“Not letting ya out of my sight again until you know how to use a radio,” Almond explained.

“Oh, right…” Walnut muttered, pulling out the walkie-talkie her dad had given her.

“See this dial up at the top here. No, no, that one’s for the volume. The other one, with the numbers. Alright, see, each of those numbers is for a different frequency. Why don’t ya turn that knob to number three?”

He paused as Walnut carefully turned the dial on her radio.

“Like this?” She asked.

“Perfect. Now, if ya wanna talk to me, just hold down that button there. As long as ya got it pressed down, I’ll be able to hear everything you say.”

Walnut pressed the button on her radio. Almond’s radio emitted static.

“Alright, kiddo. I think ya got the hang of it. Don’t get into any trouble this time.”

“I won’t,” Walnut reassured with a nod. She dashed off across the castle courtyard and disappeared behind the castle doors.

Almond sighed. Today had been a rough day. A rough day for both of them. He glanced down at his jacket, still folded neatly but covered in scrapes of dirt and mud. He’d spotted a laundromat when he’d gone to the store earlier that offered dry cleaning, so he’d have to drop the coat off there and pick it up in the morning. To make the day worse, he hadn’t had food or coffee since breakfast, though that was very much the least of his concerns considering how everything else was going.

After what was probably around 10 minutes, Walnut returned, Pure Vanilla Cookie close behind her, his waffle robes gliding quietly across the biscuitstone tiles.

“I was informed that you need my assistance once again,” Pure Vanilla noted, gently picking up Almond’s foot to examine it. He removed the poultice Beet had bandaged the leg with, closed his eyes, and waved his staff over the injury. A calm golden light emitted from the staff, healing the crack and the numerous scratches Almond had sustained.

“Thank you, again,” Almond murmured. “Would’ve been a literal pain if I had to hobble all over the kingdom with a messed up foot.”

“Oh, it is no problem at all,” Pure Vanilla responded. “And after such a day you two have had, please join us at the castle for dinner, I insist.”

“Can we, Dad? Please?” Walnut begged. “I’m soo hungry!”

“Alright, kid,” Almond responded. “As long as there’s coffee.”

The dining hall was elegantly set with dinnerware and expertly prepared dishes. The smell alone was enough to make Almond feel hungrier than he thought possible. A few cookies were already seated, some Almond recognized, others he did not. Pure Vanilla Cookie ushered Almond and Walnut to a pair of empty seats before sitting down himself at the head of the table.

“May the Celestials and Witches bless the food of this table,” Pure Vanilla began. “And may all stay sweet, crispy, and fresh.”

Walnut made a quiet noise of discomfort. Almond noticed that GingerBrave and Wizard Cookie sat across the table from them and showed some discomfort as well. It wasn’t hard for him to infer that the two had heard of cookies being eaten by witches, especially as Almond recalled GingerBrave’s reaction to the story Caprese Cookie had told at the campfire. Apparently he was scrutinizing the two of them too hard while he was thinking, as Wizard Cookie had noticed and was scrutinizing Almond back. There was a moment of awkward silence interrupted by sounds of chewing and the clinks of silverware on plates.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Pure Vanilla began, frowning. “This morning, as I’m sure you can recall, there was a loud noise outside the kingdom. Unfortunately, it was not just cookies from our kingdom who noticed. Dark Enchantress Cookie and her followers came, believing the noise to have been caused from a source of powerful magical energy. There was a confrontation, between them and cookies from our kingdom.”

Pure Vanilla paused.

“I was not able to protect them in time. Caprese Cookie took on Dark Enchantress Cookie alone, she was… destroyed. But her bravery may have saved the two cookies who had been captured by the cake army.” He smiled apologetically and looked towards Almond and Walnut.

“But let us not allow any cookie to crumble in vain. For as long as this kingdom stands, there is hope for Earthbread, hope for all cookiekind. And a chance to banish evil from the lands.”

“Thank you, Pure Vanilla Cookie,” Almond nodded. The room was silent for a moment.

“Caprese Cookie…” GingerBrave muttered. “That’s- terrible!”

There was a murmur of apologetic agreement.

After a few moments, the cookies continued eating, a few of them having quiet conversations with each other. Once everyone’s plates were clear, several cookies excused themselves, including Almond. Walnut followed behind.

Almond stopped Wizard Cookie on his way out.

“Could I discuss something with you?” he asked. Wizard looked somewhat perturbed, but nodded.

They went out into an empty hallway.

“Those magic tests, how much information do they give on the spell? I know you said it includes the time the spell was cast, where the effects were present, and the signature of the caster.”

He paused.

“Our magic test equipment was blown out this morning. We need to extract as much information as we can from that data.”

“Well, for a teleportation spell, there are often coordinates, well, ‘baked’ into the spell, if you will,” Wizard explained. “It would be difficult to discern exact coordinates from a magic test, but perhaps if I could work with the raw data…”

“I’ll get you in contact with Tonic Cookie. They lead the flourensics team; they should have all the data the equipment collected before it malfunctioned.”

“If we could figure out the coordinates of the spell, wouldn’t that lead to the culprit’s location!?” Walnut asked excitedly. “And- we could make a portal there!”

“I would have to build up my mana for such a spell, but yes, theoretically if you have a portal’s coordinates, you can create a portal back to its point of origin.”

“If the culprit won’t come to us, we can go to them!”

“I suppose…” Almond pondered, nodding. “But a risky procedure. Ya never know what a cornered or startled criminal will do.”

“We’ve gotta try!” Walnut insisted.

“Alright, kid, I’ll let Tonic Cookie know the plan so that they can start work with Wizard Cookie tomorrow. I gotta get my coat to the dry cleaners on the way home before they close, so we should move out.” He turned to Wizard Cookie.

“I appreciate your help.”

Wizard made an affirmative hmpf.

Almond called Tonic Cookie over the radio on their way to the laundromat.

“You still got the raw data from those magic tests?”

“Affirmative, yes. The data is undamaged.”

“Listen, there’s this local, Wizard Cookie. Was able to help us read those tests the other day. He’s willing to work with us on a plan we have, try to catch the culprits off guard. But he’s gonna need to work with you and that data.”

“You trust this cookie?”

“I trust him enough. And we ain’t got any other leads on this case.”

There was a pause.

“This is not quite standard procedure, but if you believe this will succeed, I will collaborate with this cookie.”

“Fantastic. He works in the Tower of Records, just west of the Castle. Meet him there and he’ll fill you in on the details of the plan.”

Tonic seemed confused by the request, but was less stubborn than usual and agreed to work with Wizard Cookie to read the data. Dropping off the coat at the dry cleaners was straight-forward as well, and it wasn’t long before he and Walnut were getting ready for bed again.

“Do you think it’ll work?” Walnut whispered. “To make a portal to catch the bad-guy? Or guys?”

Almond sighed.

“I don’t know, kiddo.”

He paused.

“I’m proud of you, ya know. Terrified that ya ran off like that earlier, but you’re brave. After what happened to Caprese… Look, when you’re an investigator, you’re bound to see some stuff while on the job.”

“There was that one case where I thought there was a dead body,” Walnut thought aloud. “But he turned out to be ok, actually.”

“But sometimes the jam is real jam. Cookie jam. Sometimes you see things like what happened today. Ya gotta be tough for this job, kid.”

“Do you still think a cookie did all this? Or do you think it’s a human?”

“I still think a human would be more obvious. Not easy for somethin’ taller than a mountain to sneak around unnoticed. If this portal thing works, though, we might know tomorrow. But let's get some sleep, kid. Who knows how much we’ll need tomorrow.”

“Alright Dad, goodnight.”

It was eggs and toast again for breakfast. Almond was brewing an extra-large pot of coffee so that he’d have enough in the event of an emergency. Walnut was busy using the new pinboard, which both of them had forgotten about until they had gotten up for the day.

“If this works, we could solve the whole case today!” Walnut said in excitement. “Maybe we’ll get the soulstones back. Or find those missing kids and Lemon Wafer Cookie!”

“Emphasis on if, kiddo. Teleportation magic is notoriously dangerous. Ya mess something up, you could end up anywhere at all. Sometimes the best scenario is getting lost. And say we do figure out the culprit. Maybe we don’t catch ‘em. Maybe they won’t talk. If they’re a serial cookienapper, they might even catch us instead.”

“Well, if they aren’t expecting us to make a portal, we’ll probably be able to surprise them.”

Walnut paused.

“Are we just gonna wait till we hear from Tonic and Wizard Cookie?” She asked, contemplating the boards.

“That’s the plan. Tonic Cookie will inform us of the plan and where to meet them. In the meantime, I suppose we could follow Pure Vanilla Cookie’s advice and take things easy?”

He glanced in the fridge.

“I did get ice cream for us yesterday. There’s the fair nearby as well.”

“I think-” Walnut started. “-I can handle the fair today. Might be good.”

“I’ll pick up my coat on the way over,” Almond explained. “Don’t forget your radio. Technically, we’re borrowing it from the flourensics team, but I’ll get ya your own to keep eventually.”

It was another pleasant day. Almond’s coat had been wrapped in a thin layer of rice paper to keep it fresh, and the feeling of the coat back on his shoulders made Almond feel more at ease. The fair was busy, but not crowded. A few carnival games attracted Walnut’s attention, and Almond got enough tickets for them to play as much as she wanted, though they weren’t able to win any of the bigger prizes Walnut was interested in. They settled on a few smaller prize toys before grabbing a cotton candy to share. As they snacked, Walnut noticed the large ferris wheel in the center of the fairgrounds.

“I bet at the top there we could get a view of the whole kingdom!” Walnut noted. “Can we go ride it? Maybe we can find clues from up high!”

“Not a bad idea, kid,” Almond responded with a nod. “It’ll be a bit of a wait, though. See that big line?”

“Oh-” Walnut noted, spotting the long line of cookies winding across the fairgrounds. “Can we at least try?”

“We got time, I suppose. But, chances are we’ll have to dip as soon as Tonic Cookie calls.”

Walnut nodded.

The line felt as if it had hardly moved at all. They tried to find ways to pass the time, but it wasn’t long before the call Almond was expecting came through.

“We got a breakthrough. No telling if this’ll work, but it sounds like Wizard Cookie only has enough mana stored up to do this once. We’re at the meadow, come as soon as possible.”

“Copy that,” Almond responded through the radio. “Time to go, kiddo. If this all works out, we’ll have plenty of more time to spend at the fair later.”

As they arrived at the meadow, they found Tonic and Wizard Cookie making preparations in the field.

“There a reason we’re doing this here?” Almond asked, still concerned over the events of the previous day.

“Yes!” Wizard responded with mild frustration. “While that crystal on the mountain is not a source of magical energy, it appears to greatly increase the efficiency of teleportation magic. Proximity to that crystal will increase the success and strength of any portal spell in its vicinity.” He paused.

“Unfortunately, there is not enough space for me to work properly at the top of the hill, but this meadow has more than enough space to perform magic properly.”

He gestured to a circular, flattened area of grass where he had begun to draw a magic circle.

“Once I finish this, we will have all the preparations needed to begin the spell. The only challenge will be working with the coordinate data.”

He began working on the circle, but continued to explain his work.

“The peculiar thing with this spell, most portal spells have three inputs for coordinates, six if you include both sides of the portal. But this spell, it has four inputs for coordinates.”

He huffed, though Almond could not discern the emotion behind it.

“Now, I initially thought, a fourth coordinate? What on Earthbread would be the purpose of that? But, of course! Time! If this portal came from the past, or the future, it would need an extra coordinate to specify the point in time.”

“Time travel!?” Walnut asked with excitement.

“Well, that was my initial assumption as well,” Wizard nodded. “But when I did some research into time travel magic, well, the format’s all wrong! That fourth coordinate is formatted the same as the other three! Temporal coordinates have a separate format from physical coordinates.”

“Then, where does the portal go?” Walnut asked.

“We’ll soon find out,” Wizard declared, finishing the pattern on the ground. “It’ll take a few days for me to recharge the mana needed for this spell. We’ll only have one shot at this for a while. Make it count!”

Wizard approached the center of the circle and began an incantation. A faint glow began at the center, becoming brighter as Wizard started to back away towards the edge. The circle continued to glow as Wizard exited. An orb of light emerged from the center and floated just above the ground. It grew into a large, ominous disc, pulsating with a turquoise vortex.

“It worked!” Walnut said with nervous excitement. “Let’s go!” She started for the portal, but was quickly grabbed by her father.

“Absolutely not,” Almond scolded.

“But, we’re so close to solving the case!” Walnut argued.

“We have no idea what’s on the other side of that, kiddo! We don’t even know if that thing’s stable!”

“What if we used, like, licorice rope? If we tie it around ourselves, one of us can hold the other end and the other goes through. If anything goes wrong, we can just pull the other back out!”

“There is rope in the equipment supplies,” Tonic Cookie offered. Wizard rolled his eyes.

“I’m not gonna be able to hold this thing open all day!” Wizard groaned. “Hurry up!”

“R-right,” Walnut responded, rifling through the supplies until she pulled out a coil of bright red rope. “Got it!”

“Fine, kiddo, but I’m gonna be the one to go into that thing,” Almond said. “Don’t want ya risking your dough, alright?”

“But-” Walnut began. “Ok…”

She tied the rope around Almond’s waist, pulling at the knot to make sure it was on tight.

“Ok, I’ll hold the other end,” She explained. “If everything’s clear, just tug twice on the rope, like this.” She gave the rope two gentle tugs.

“If you two are done with whatever safety harness you’ve got going on back there, now might be a good time to actually use this thing.” Wizard reminded. Almond nodded.

As he approached the portal, he could feel a breeze start to pick up. He hesitated for a moment as he got closer. The nearer he got, the greater the sense of vertigo became.

“I got you, Dad!” Walnut reassured from behind him. Almond took a deep breath as he took a step into the portal.

And immediately lost his balance.

The gravitational imbalance caused by the portal must’ve been enough to knock him over. He felt himself fall for a moment before hitting something hard and smooth.

“Agh!”

The surface was tilted, and he felt himself slide for a moment more before falling a short distance again and coming to a stop. He could feel the rope around his waist tighten as he tried to get his bearings. He heard an electric crackling behind him and the rope suddenly went slack. Half of it slid down the same way he had fallen and landed by his feet.
The portal had closed behind him.


“Crumbs…” Almond muttered under his breath. The room was extremely dark, save for a dim streak of light on the opposite side. He pulled out his radio in an attempt to contact the group.

“This is Almond Cookie. Anyone copy?”

There was no response, at least not from the radio. Apparently someone outside the room had heard him.

“What was that?” A pause. “Seriously, what the heck was that? Sounded like it came from the cookie trap.”

A quieter voice said something in response, but Almond was unable to tell what. Both voices sounded familiar, but Almond couldn’t quite place who the voices belonged to.

“No, but look, it’s still unplugged,” the first voice said again. “Lemme see…”

Almond squinted as light suddenly filled the room. The room was bare, save for a light switch and a small box that appeared to be a speaker. A tall, wide door covered one wall, its placement implying that it would slide upwards rather than to either side. At the opposite wall was a round hole that appeared to be the exit for a slide-like structure. Almond figured that this was the way he had fallen in.

“Oh, why am I not surprised,” the first voice groaned. “It’s that detective cookie again.”

“Ha!” the quieter voice giggled, though they were louder than they had been before. “Are you gonna do it? I wanna watch.”

“No, agh!” the louder voice muttered in frustration. “Just, I need to figure out what to do first. Go sit over there or something.”

Almond could hear the sounds of things shuffling and stumbled as the room he was in moved slightly.

“Nut guy, can you hear me in there?”

“My name is Almond Cookie, not ‘Nut Guy,’” Almond responded dryly. “I work for the Department of Magical Emergency Handling. I’m here to take you in for questioning in regards to the location of eight soulstones stolen from The Custard Castle vault, as well as in regards to the whereabouts of three missing Hollyberrians.”

“Ha!” the second voice snickered. “He wants to arrest you!”

“Crepe, please stop talking,” the first voice said with obvious annoyance. “Whatever, Almond Cookie. You’ve gotten yourself into a bit of a situation here. But hey, I’ll give you a choice.”

Something rattled down the shute and landed at Almond’s feet. There were two jellybeans, one red, one blue.

“Alright, man. You’re not gonna get this reference, and I can already guess which choice you’re gonna make, but I’m gonna lay down the basics of your situation so you can at least make an informed decision. You won’t be able to say I didn’t warn ya,” She laughed. Even though he still couldn’t place the voice, Almond was sure the voice came from a female cookie.

“Those jellybeans represent the choice you need to make right now. Pick the blue one, I’ll send ya straight home. No hard feelings, no issues. Go on with your life.”

She paused.

“But if you pick that red one, well, the rest of the day’s not gonna go great for you. Rest of your life might not even go great for you. I won’t hurt you, not directly, anyhow. But you’ll have the burden of knowing things you’ll regret knowing.”

“Why don’t ya stop spilling the metaphorical beans and start spilling the figurative ones?” Almond quipped back in annoyance.

“Yea, ow. You really wanna solve this case. Kinda makes me feel bad. Look, you pick that red bean, you’ll get an answer to any question you have on this case. How many get answered depends on how many hard truths you want me to drop on your little head.”

“My job is about finding answers, ya really think I’m gonna turn around and leave when we’re this close to cracking this whole case wide open? You think threats of infohazards are gonna sway a career detective? Think ya can intimidate me out of making an arrest? You and your friend are gonna spend the night behind bars!”

“Red pi- jellybean it is, then. Works for me, but you’ll be regretting that in a few minutes. But go ahead, ask a question.”

“Let’s start with something simple," Almond replied. "Who are you, and where are we right now?”

“Eh, I go by a lot of different names, but you’re a smart enough cookie, you’ll probably recognize me when you see me. As for the where, that's, oof, a lil more complicated. Sort of irrelevant to the case, if that’s the kind of information you’re looking for.”

“What about this cell?” Almond asked. “You gonna let me out of here or what?”

“Yea, I think letting you out is gonna answer like 10 questions at once.”

The door to the room slid open, revealing an area beyond that was much larger than he expected. As he walked onto the smooth surface, he froze as he processed the scene before him.

He was standing on a desk.
A very large desk.

Looming overhead was a towering figure grinning down at him with curious amusement. She had long, brown hair that curled up at either side.

Chapter Text

“Hello,” the figure grinned, her smile nearly as wide as Almond was tall.

By her hand stood a small pink cookie, who Almond recognized from the encounter in the meadow.

“You’re that kid who was with Dark Enchantress Cookie yesterday!”

“And you’re that old man who almost cried,” the cookie sneered back.

“Yea, that’s Strawberry Crepe…” the figure explained. “They’re technically supposed to be my prisoner, but they’re useful to me, so… Honestly, if you just ignore them they’ll get bored and leave.” She shrugged and tilted her head before tilting it back down towards the table.

“And you…I know you, I know your voice,” Almond said, pulling out his notebook and a pen, tapping the pen along the ridge of the notebook as he thought.

“But, I’ve never seen a creature as large as you. What are you? A witch? A human?”

“Oh, surely you’ve figured it out by now?” she cooed, bending down to match Almond’s eye level. He could feel her breath in his face. He put an arm up to block the gusts of muggy wind.

“But yes, I am a human,” the creature answered.

It clicked as soon as Almond heard that last word. He froze. The voice, it belonged to-

“That’s not possible!” Almond shook his head. “No, you- You died right in front of us! You crumbled after getting burnt to a crisp! Not only that, you’re a cookie! You can’t be a human, too!”

“Ah, now you got it,” she said with a smirk.

“Caprese Cookie…”

“You really think humans go around naming themselves after food? Call me Caprese if you want, there’s no need to keep that ‘Cookie’ at the end.”

“You’ve been behind all of this, the entire time! I had a gut feeling from the beginning, but Walnut, she trusted you! But… why? And how?”

“Oh, this is the cool part,” Crepe chimed in before Caprese could respond. “When I was scanning Caprese Cookie’s dough, I noticed something odd. Cookies always tell me that cookies don’t have circuits and wires, but this cookie, she did! All wrapped up in that tomato! Oh, I wanted to investigate so badly. But, it was still fun watching her get completely destroyed by Dark Enchantress Cookie! And then that tomato rolled right towards me!”

“Gonna cut this story short and give you the TL;DR,” Caprese interrupted. “Tomato’s a modified neural implant. Somehow the implant works on cookies too. I don’t understand cookie anatomy so I’m not gonna bother trying to understand or explain that part. Baked a lil cookie version of myself, borrowed a recipe and some life powder from the witches, used enough life powder to make it alive, but not enough to make it conscious or capable of thought. Paired that implant with the-”

She paused.

“TL;DR of the TL;DR, Caprese Cookie’s a puppet I control with my mind.”

“But… why make yourself into a cookie?”

“You have any idea how hard it is to read books when you’re bigger than the library? Significantly easier if I can scale myself down. Plus, wouldn’t wanna get my human germs all over your pristine candy land. Had to wear a mask and boot covers just to walk around to make sure I didn’t contaminate anything.”

She paused

“But, the challenge is, I can’t really control two bodies at once too well, so if I have to do something, I take the astral helmet thing off, and cookie-me falls unconscious.”

“All those times you were ‘asleep’…” He paused as he made a realization. “You were robbing the vault during the interrogation!”

“Yea, to be honest, I mostly did that to mess with y'all. But I’m opportunistic, and was short a couple of those magic sugar rocks.”

“But why steal the soulstones? If you’re a human, surely you could have gotten some from the witches?”

“Eh, that’s a fair point. But the vault was closer. As to why I needed them, I wasn’t lying when I said I was doing research.”

“And what are you researching? Looked as if ya were reading nearly every book in that library.”

“Quite literally everything, as long as it piques my interest. See, I’m a multiverse researcher.”

“Hm?” Almond responded. “I’m not familiar with that word.”

“So, beyond the universe you know, there are countless others, most of them full of humans, furries, aliens, furry aliens, whatever else. And then there’s worlds like yours. Worlds that seem to break the rules, where inanimate objects are animate. Where baked goods are sentient and everything’s made out of food.”

“You’re from one of those worlds full of humans, aren’t ya?”

“Mhm.”

Almond continued jotting down notes, though he still felt uneasy in interrogating someone perhaps a hundred times his size, especially when they were not detained. He prepared to ask another question, but stopped as he noticed something on the desk. A large crystal, nearly identical to the one at the top of the hill, stood mounted on a pedestal with several buttons and wires attached to the surface.

“Not a stretch to say that UMO’s yours, huh?”

“The what?”

“That crystal on the hill by the kingdom, looks just like the one on the desk there.”

“Oh, yea, that’s mine, too.”

“Just so we’re clear, you’re responsible for the stolen soulstones, the missing cookies, the crystal, and all those magical anomalies? I would assume, then, that you are also responsible for the reported epidemic of bad dreams?”

“Well, indirectly, I suppose. More of a side effect than anything.”

“A side effect of what?”

The human tried to stifle a giggle, as if she were a child who had set up some devious prank.

“You’re not gonna want the answer to that question.”

“Doesn’t matter if I want it or not, my job is to get answers.”

“Alright then. Fair warning, I’m terrible with metaphors so there’s gonna be some…. demonstration involved here.”

Caprese pulled out a blank sheet of paper and a pen and placed it on the desk next to Almond.

“Alright, so let’s say your universe is like a tree, like a little seed that starts to branch off into different timelines. Some of these branches form naturally, but the more interdimensional interference, the more deconvergence, branching, of timelines there will be.”

She used the pen to draw a large tree across the page, with many branches splitting apart.

“And just like a tree, sometimes these branches will wither and fade away. But of course, these natural processes can be controlled and taken advantage of. Many universes will automatically split a timeline in half if another universe or timeline intersects it. Sometimes, both of these new timelines will continue to exist on their own, other times they'll converge back together, or a dominant timeline will survive, while the other dissipates.”

She gestured to the crystal.

“Anchor crystals are a nice little way to do all that manually. No risk of messing up the main timeline, no risk of having the timeline you’re studying disintegrate while you’re working with it.”

She paused.

“Though, you want to know about the dreams, yes?”

“I understand that whatever sort of meddling you’re doing with space-time is affecting cookies’ dreams, but I would appreciate it if you elaborate on that specifically.”

She smirked before continuing.

“Now, when you split a timeline in half, you kinda get two identical copies of that timeline. And as long as both timelines stay active, you can basically duplicate anything inside. Though, you can easily lose duplicate items via temporal dissipation, which is why it’s best used to duplicate items you aren’t planning to keep around. As for the dreams, that gets a bit more into temporal/astral memory storage.”

She pressed a button on the crystal. It started to glow slightly.

“Time for a bit of a demonstration.”

She flicked her left hand upwards as a green portal appeared above her hand. Almond heard a surprised yelp as a cookie fell out of the portal and onto her outstretched palm. She grabbed the cookie between her fingers and turned her hand so that they could face each other.

Almond felt a chill as if every crumb in his body was standing on end. It was like looking in a mirror.
The other cookie… was him.

“Alright, no no no,” Almond dissuaded. “I don’t know what kind of ‘demonstration’ you need to go off and kidnap some other me for, but I think you’ll do just fine explaining in words instead!”

“Too late for that,” Caprese responded. “You said you wanted answers, I’m gonna give you answers.”

Crepe giggled from off to the side but said nothing. Caprese brought her hand closer to the desk.

“You two are from twin timelines! Asides from the past few minutes or so, you two are exactly the same. Same memories, same personality, same ridiculously-sized coat. Only difference between you two is which portal you came out of and when.”

She pulled her hand back away and peeled the coat off of the summoned Almond, tossing it onto the desk.

“Mind giving me the details on the situation we got here?” the Almond in her hand asked, trying to free himself from the human’s grasp.

“Caprese’s behind all of it! The soulstones, the missing cookies, everything. She’s been a human this whole time, baked a cookie-version of herself to use as a puppet!”

“Well, I say we got our culprit right here! Gettin’ kinda sick of being man-handled, I’d suggest we get out the cuffs!”

“Right!” Almond and his doppleganger exchanged a nod. He turned back towards Caprese.

“I’m afraid I’m gonna have to cut this interrogation short. Caprese Cookie, you are under arrest for cookie-napping, theft, and improper use of magic!”

He pulled his specialized handcuffs from his coat, wound back, and threw the cuffs as hard as he could towards the human’s hands. They missed her right hand but made direct contact with her left wrist and wrapped around it tightly. She flinched.

“Ow?” She remarked, examining the chain wrapped around her wrist.

“Ha, nice bracelet,” she teased. The Almonds exchanged concerned glances.

“Ya got one more shot at neutralizing that thing.” the captive Almond pointed out. “My cuffs should be in the coat.”

Almond rummaged in the coat and found the second pair of handcuffs. He aimed at Caprese’s right hand and tossed the cuffs. She swiped her hand out of the way as the handcuffs whizzed past and instead took down Strawberry Crepe, who was caught completely off guard.

“Agh! No fair!” Crepe pouted as they tried to get back up. Caprese picked them up with her free hand and sat them down on the desk, but she did not attempt to remove either pair of handcuffs.

Both Almonds exchanged another glance.

“How about you stop handing out sharp bracelets and let me do the demo?” Caprese sneered.

“Ha!” Crepe chirped. “Finally!”

“Caprese?” the coatless Almond began. “If you’re human, then why the need to tell such stories of jam-thirsty humans on the hunt for cookies?”

“Eh, for fun,” Caprese admitted.

“But those stories are true,” she continued, pulling her hand closer to her face. “And this will be quick and painless; I like to eat cookies head-first.”

Almond felt as if his jellybean-sized heart had dropped in his chest, and the expression on his double’s face mirrored his own.

“No.”

“Please, no, I have a- mrph!” The doomed Almond’s request was muffled as the human’s mouth engulfed his head. Caprese paused for a moment, apparently still listening to her prey’s pleading. Almond winced as the muffled cries were suddenly silenced by a loud crunch. He braced himself and steadied his breathing, trying his best to tune out the sounds of chewing.

“Mmm, your name certainly fits,” Caprese noted, her mouth still partially full. “Tasting some marzipan, almond butter… …though, the jam does make things taste a bit more… gamey.”

She took a bite from the doppelganger's torso and frowned.

“Ick, not too fond of that coffee aftertaste, though…”

Almond shuddered before taking a step back. He felt something crunch beneath his foot and looked down. To his horror, he had stepped on a crumb. Even worse, the desk appeared to be covered in them.

“This table is covered in crumbs!”

“Ah, yea, I should clean it off more,” she shrugged and brushed some of the crumbs onto the floor. “Don’t worry, most of them aren’t cookie crumbs.

“Walnut was right…the missing cookies, you… ate them!”

“Ah, Detective Nut finally cracked the case,” Caprese grinned before taking another bite of cookie.

“Those Hollyberrians…”

“Hollyberrians are delicious, the ones that aren’t poisonous, at least. They basically marinate themselves in fruit juice! That lemon one, the strawberry jam and lemon mix was surprisingly good, like strawberry lemonade. And those berry kids were very sweet, in the literal sense, of course.”

“You ate children! You-”

“Eh, humans like cookies when they’re freshly baked; I don't mind mine a bit stale. Just the right ratio of chewy and crunchy. And I’d bet most human children wouldn’t think twice about eating a young cookie.”

Almond suddenly had a horrid thought.

“Where’s Walnut? ” He nearly choked on the words.

“Ah, I was wondering what the deal was with your little assistant. She’s your daughter, isn’t she?”

“Where is she!? ”

“Jeez, relax, I didn’t eat your kid! She’s probably wherever you left her. Honestly, I’m surprised cookies can even have kids.”

“Walnut trusted you! She was heartbroken when you were killed by Dark Enchantress Cookie! And this whole time you were off playing the long-con!”

“Oh, please. I never gave you any false information. I just didn’t give you all the answers you wanted. What, did you expect me to just be like ‘oh, yea. I’m actually a human, I love eating cookies like you for breakfast!’?”

She paused.

“And it’s not like I was avoiding your questions to not get caught. I just wanted to be left alone so I could do research properly. Pretty clear you can’t arrest me, anyway.” She waved her wrist, gesturing to the handcuff still wrapped around it tightly.

Almond glanced down at Crepe.

“What about them? If you eat cookies, why keep that one captive instead?”

“Like I said, they’re useful. Good at helping me figure out cookie ingredients, and they can make edible robots, which’s gotta be useful for something. Hunted them down after they stole the tomato implant, I always get in trouble when I lose those things. Would’ve eaten them, but turns out they’re crepe and not waffle cone, and I got food poisoning from a crepe once, so they get to live. Also, they seem to…. enjoy watching me eat other cookies? Which is kind of concerning, to be honest, but whatever.”

She tossed what was left of the cookie’s body into her mouth.

“The best part is their faces! They get so scared, ha!” Crepe giggled, still restrained from the second pair of handcuffs.

“Mph, that’s right. Still gotta finish this demonstration.” Caprese finished eating and licked several crumbs from her lip. Almond braced in case the human made a move to grab him. Instead, she gestured to the crystal and the deceased Almond’s coat.

“Yea, so here’s where the complicated stuff comes in. As soon as I disconnect from the twin timeline, it will destabilize. Watch the coat when I press this button.”

She pressed a green button at the base of the crystal. The crystal flashed green for a moment before turning blue. Almond looked down to see the coat on the desk start to fade away. In a few seconds, it had disintegrated and completely disappeared. The chain around Crepe, too, had faded away. They got up with a grin and stretched their free arms.

“And just like that, poof! Timeline is gone, along with everything in it. But memories can sometimes travel to different timelines. Some version of you from some other timeline is gonna acquire that Almond’s memory of being eaten, and will perceive it as some sort of odd dream.”

“All those nightmares cookies have been having….have been from you eating them in other timelines!? How many cookies have you eaten!? ”

“Ah, that depends how specific you want me to be. But based on the context, let’s see…”

She started to count on her fingers.

“Like about fifteen? Total? Though there are a few who I’ve eaten multiple times.”

“You- but, why? You’re not eating them to sustain yourself, they disappear as soon as you destroy their timelines.”

“Eh, cookies are mostly just sugar and carbs anyways, I can always sustain myself with healthier foods. And this way I can eat cookies whenever I want, however many I want, without worrying about calories or any of that other stuff!”

“Surely you must feel guilt? You’re destroying universes and ending cookies’ lives!”

Caprese hesitated.

“No, see, I’m creating the timelines first. If it wasn’t for me, those cookies wouldn’t have existed in the first place!”

Almond narrowed his eyes. He could sense a twinge of remorse. Caprese sighed.

“Look, man. The food chain is not my fault. Your kind was literally created to be preyed upon by humans. And it’s not like cookies are alone in that, either.”

“But then why give us life? Surely you could bake a cookie without life powder?”

“Oh, well, yes, but. The life powder is a ….preservative. Live cookies stay… fresh longer...”

“So the entire purpose of our existence, and our consciousness, is to be sweet treats for witches and humans?”

“Well, in the multiverse, nearly everything that exists exists for food or entertainment. Cookie people like you got the short end of the stick and ended up being both. And yea, humans might be apex predators, but we only got like that cause we killed off most of our natural predators and scared off all the other ones.”

“I’m sorry, do you mean to say there are creatures large enough to eat humans!?”

“Yea… especially when you get into the multiverse, there’s tons of creatures around who’d happily gobble up… a human…”

Almond considered what to do. There was no way to fight off a human on his own, but perhaps, if he could destroy that crystal, he’d be able to prevent the human from going back to Earthbread to eat more cookies. But, if he did, he might never be able to get home. He might never see Walnut again. Was it worth it to sacrifice himself and leave Walnut to fend for herself in order to protect cookies from predation? Yes, he thought. For a creature so large could surely cause massive destruction, especially if it aimed to eat the citizens of Earthbread.

He took a deep breath.

“This ends now, human! As an officer of Magical Emergency Handling, it is my duty to destroy any magical item that poses a threat to cookie life!”

He sprinted towards the crystal but was immediately blocked by the human’s left arm. As he tried to vault over, he was snatched mid-air by the human’s right hand.

“That’s not a smart idea, cookie,” Caprese said, evidently both amused and annoyed. “I don’t think you understand what that crystal does.”

“You’re using it to amplify teleportation magic! Allowing you to access Earthbread, and giving you the ability to create and destroy timelines just so you can eat cookies!”

“Oh, little guy!” Caprese teased, toying with Almond in her hand. “Didn’t you listen when I was explaining earlier? Anchor crystals don’t create or destroy timelines! The multiverse does that all on its own. Anchor crystals just stabilize timelines so they don’t dissipate. You really think your timeline is the main timeline? Your timeline is the magical anomaly you’re seeking to destroy!”

Almond froze.

“No, that’s-”

“If that little blue button gets pressed, if that crystal gets destroyed, your timeline and everyone from it goes poof. I don’t think that’s what you really want, now, is it?”

Complete annihilation was a significantly worse outcome than dealing with a cookievorous giant, Almond thought. But what, then, could he do?

“...Do you mean to say that you, quite literally, have our entire timeline hostage?”

“That’s one way to put it, sure. And if you did try to follow through with your plan of self-destruction, you wouldn’t be the first cookie to sacrifice their timeline in an attempt to stop me. It’s an inconvenience, really, but if that’s a choice you want to make, I won’t stop you.”

“Hey!” Crepe interjected angrily. “If he presses that thing, I’ll go poof, too!”

“He won’t press it,” Caprese assured. Crepe pouted.

Caprese set Almond down on the desk and pulled the handcuffs off of her wrist before handing them back to Almond.

“You have every right to see me as the bad-guy here,” Caprese added. “ But I did warn you. I told you you’d learn some uncomfortable secrets. And now you have a bit of a choice to make. Is it enough for you to solve the case, or do you want to resolve the case? There are certainly ways you could bend space-time to your will and force those three tasty cookies back into existence. But you’d have to break some of your own morals to do so.”

She flicked a button on the crystal, making Almond flinch. A blue portal appeared horizontally at his feet.

“Oh, one more thing,” Caprese continued. “Uh, this isn’t gonna make you hate me any less but consider this an apology.” She took a moment to grab something between her fingers and handed it to Almond. As he took the item from her hand, he frowned as he realized what it was.
A radio, inscribed with the Hollyberry Kingdom flag and the letters HBPD.

“It’s…from that Lemon Wafer Cookie. She dropped it when I…ate her. Take it, I can’t use it anyways. Use it as evidence, or whatever, or don’t.”

They both were silent for a moment. Almond tried to process everything that had just happened. The case was solved, but the answers… they weren’t the kind anycookie would want. Three cookies were dead, more if you counted all of the human’s victims across the other timelines. The soulstones were surely in the room somewhere, but how to search a room this large, or impound anything without being caught by a giant? And how to protect the Kingdom?
Caprese glanced between Almond and the portal.

“Go home, little cookie. Make whatever decision you need to make.”

Almond took a deep breath, put the radio into his pocket, and stepped into the portal.

Chapter Text

Once again, Almond lost his balance as he fell through the portal. He crashed into the ground face down and groaned.

“Oh, cheese! Dad!? Are you ok!?” Walnut cried, rushing over to help him up. He brushed himself off as he got to his feet.

“Oh, that’s a relief!” Wizard muttered, evidently nervous and somewhat embarrassed. “It’s fortunate the portal reopened. I suppose that is bound to happen with a first attempt. It will take some time to recharge the mana needed to try again; I may need even more considering how quickly the portal closed.”

“No,” Almond responded. “No more cookies making portals or going through portals. Especially going through portals!”

“What, why?” Walnut asked, concerned but primarily confused.

“I should’ve known not to trust this cookie,” Tonic muttered, glaring suspiciously at Wizard Cookie. Almond shook his head.

“This isn’t Wizard Cookie’s fault. Portal’s too dangerous. I-” He paused. “The portal testing needs to be suspended completely until we’ve got a better handle on this case. There’s no guarantee any cookie’ll come back out alive and I don’t want anyone’s jam on our hands. Right now, I need Tonic Cookie to switch resources to fixing the equipment ASAP. We’re gonna need scans on the entire town as soon as we can.”

“Dad, what happened? We were worried you were gone forever, it felt like you were gone an hour!”

“Kiddo, there’s no time. Right now our priority is protecting the kingdom from anything that could come through a portal. We’re gonna need a temporary suspension of all teleportation magic.”

“Excuse me!?” Wizard asked incredulously.

“I’m not finished!” Almond responded. “Tonic Cookie, is it possible to use the same enchantment used to block teleportation access to the vault on the entire kingdom?”

“I-possible, yes, but-” Tonic started.

“Then I’m gonna need you to pull whatever resources you need together to make that happen.”

“But, that could take days!” Tonic argued. “You’d need a justification to undertake such a large-scale security enchantment like that!”

They hesitated as they noticed Almond’s glare full of frustrated desperation.

“Do you want that missing cookie list to get bigger? No? Then work on it while I try to sort through this damn case!” Almond sighed as he noticed Walnut’s increasing concern.

“Our priority is to keep the kingdom safe. I’m making it your job to ensure that happens. Understood?”

Tonic Cookie nodded. Almond looked down at Walnut.

“Let’s go, kiddo. We can sort this out together.”

Walnut still seemed confused, but nodded.

They walked back towards the kingdom in silence. After a few minutes Walnut piped in.

“Dad, what happened? Did the portal work? Did you see anything, did-?”

“Kiddo, we are in over our heads. I need some time to think, probably need another coffee, too… Listen, I promised you we’d go back to the fair today. That big line’ll give me time to think. I’ll grab a coffee, you could get yourself something to eat, and then we’ll get on that big ferris wheel, alright?”

“Oh, ok…” Walnut nodded. “But, we can talk about it on the way, right?”

“I’m not so sure,” Almond responded, shaking his head. “We can’t risk anyone overhearing, and I need to piece everything together, come up with a strategy.”

“Are you sure we have time to go to the fair?” Walnut asked, still concerned. “If you need to figure out what happened on the other side of that portal-”

“I need to step away from the case, even if just for a little. Need a bit of normalcy before addressing any more of … that.”

Walnut nodded, still confused, but seemed more open about returning to the fair.

The line to ride the Ferris Wheel was significantly shorter than it had been earlier in the day. While there were still several groups of cookies in front of them, the line seemed to be moving more quickly than before, though Almond was unsure if the line was actually faster, or if everything on his mind was making time pass more quickly.

What were they going to do about the human? The amount of paperwork, and no substantial evidence outside of the creature’s confession, though without the interrogation recorded, that was hardly anything at all. To tell the cookies about the threat might help find a solution, but it was far more likely to cause a panic than to result in anything useful. Walnut would certainly understand, but she’d already been terrified of the idea of humans being involved, she’d likely be even more disturbed to know that she had been right, and it would likely be worse for her to know who the human was. Tonic Cookie had enough resources to help, but convincing them would be a challenge; they were known for being skeptical and stubborn.

“Oh, Dad, it’s our turn,” Walnut announced, bringing him back to the present moment.

“Right, yes.”

The ride operator opened the door to their gondola and ushered them inside before closing and securing the door. After a moment, the ride began to move as the gondola made its ascent. Walnut tried her best to seem cheerful, though she was clearly as concerned as Almond was. She looked out the window, sitting up abruptly as they neared the top.

“Dad, look!” Walnut pushed herself closer to the window and pointed. Almond stretched across the gondola to look.

“The big smashed patches of trees! They- they look just like big footprints! It is a human!” Walnut’s excitement quickly faded and she frowned.

“...It is a human…”

Almond sighed.

“I know, kiddo…”

“What?”

“This case, we were both right. The portal worked. I didn’t want to scare you...”

“We’re both right? But, didn’t you think Caprese Cookie did it? She’s-”

“She’s alive. But she’s…not a cookie.”

“ What!? ...She’s…a human?”

“She’s the human. She’s been responsible for all of this. You were right, about the missing cookies.”

“But Caprese Cookie wouldn’t eat cookies! No, she’d-” She cut herself off as Almond pulled Lemon Wafer Cookie’s radio out from his coat pocket. He sighed as he handed her the radio.

“She admitted it. With evidence. All three missing cookies. Eaten.”

“No, but-” Walnut hesitated as she grabbed the radio, looking up at Almond for reassurance.

“We need to lock the Kingdom down. If that human has unrestricted access to town, she’ll treat everyone in it like an all-you-can-eat buffet,” Almond explained. “I didn’t explain my orders to Tonic Cookie earlier ‘cause I didn’t wanna cause a panic. Do you understand?”

Walnut nodded but didn’t seem to mean it.

They reached the bottom of the ride in silence. The ride stopped. The operator opened the door to let them out and seemed to notice their concern.

The two of them walked for a moment before Walnut suddenly stopped. She grabbed Almond’s arm and did her best to pull him along with her as they made a beeline back to the house. By the time they had gotten home, they were both panting.

The door slammed hard enough to startle the cat, sending it into a frantic scurry into the bedroom to hide under the bed. The two cookies took a moment to catch their breath.

“Ok Dad. If we don’t want cookies to freak out, we’ll need to work on the investigation in here, where it’s private,” Walnut began, hopping over to their work station.

“It’s always best to keep details of an investigation private, yes,” Almond teased as he watched Walnut rearrange the pin boards.

“Ok, ok. If Caprese Cookie is the human who ate the Hollyberrians, maybe she’s… not like that now? ” Walnut offered. “Like, she was nice when she was a cookie, she must’ve learned how nice cookies are and felt bad about eating them!”

“No, Walnut…” Almond shook his head and sighed. “While she might feel some level of remorse, that hasn’t stopped her from eating cookies. I… saw her…eat…a cookie.”

“But, she- I could- I could talk to her! She wouldn’t hurt me! I could tell her to stop!”

“Kid, listen to me! She’s eaten freshly baked cookies. She even implied she prefers them. It doesn’t matter whether she was nice to you when she was a cookie. Her kind eats cookies like us. If you tried to confront her, and she decided she was hungry, you’d be gone in a single bite!”

Almond could see that Walnut was shaking slightly. He bent down and put his hands gently on her shoulders.

“I just want you to be safe, kiddo. I nearly risked everything today to keep you safe. I don’t want you putting yourself in danger for this case. Even if she was nice to you, you cannot trust her.”

“But you can trust me, right?” Walnut argued. “I know I’m a kid, but we’ve been able to work together really well. I figured out that a human did it, you thought it was Caprese Cookie, and it turns out Caprese Cookie is a human!”

“Walnut, we know who did it and we know why she did it. We can’t arrest her, our only option is to block her out entirely so she can’t hunt us for food. As soon as the enchantment barrier is up, everyone within the kingdom will be safe.”

“But what about the cookies outside of the kingdom!? Latte Cookie’s still back home! And there’s cookies living all across Earthbread! We can’t put an enchantment over the entire continent! And cookies can’t stay inside the kingdom forever, either.”

“Kiddo, it might not be ideal, but it’s the only option we have.”

“I can talk to-!”

“Absolutely not. Caprese Cookie’s stories about humans were not an exaggeration. And you remember what Dark Enchantress Cookie said. Cookies were designed to be eaten by humans.”

“But what about what Pure Vanilla Cookie said? Why are we alive if humans and witches just want to eat us?”

“Caprese said that… it helps us keep our flavor and freshness longer. Us being alive is to improve the quality of their… eating experience.”

Walnut was silent.

“Dad, I believe you, but it doesn’t make sense.”

“I will admit, much of what she told me has been hard to wrap my head around. But we don’t have time to figure out the details. It’s clear enough we can’t stop or apprehend her directly, a barrier to prevent her teleportation magic might be the only way to ensure cookies’ safety.”

He got closer to get a better look at the investigation notes and pinboard.

“Walnut, do you have a list of all the cookies who reported bad dreams recently?”

“Oh, yea,” Walnut responded, pulling out her notebook. “It was Custard Cookie III, Cocoa Cookie, Mint Choco Cookie, Espresso Cookie aaand…”

She paused.

“Well, my dream and Caprese Cookie’s dreams.”

“How many cookies did you interview?”

“I forget,” Walnut admitted.

“Fifteen…” Almond muttered before counting in his head. Custard, Cocoa and Mint all had dreams about getting eaten. That likely meant all three of them had been preyed upon by the human in other timelines, if Almond understood what Caprese had said. He wasn’t sure about Espresso Cookie, as the dream was supposedly about milk. Three cookies missing, three cookies with dreams of being eaten, six cookies in total. That left 9 of Caprese’s supposed victims unaccounted for.

“What is it?” Walnut asked.

“Keep following that lead on bad dreams. I have a feeling if we set everything up properly, we’ll start seeing fewer cookies with nightmares.”

“So the dreams are related to the case!” Walnut responded, nodding.

“I’m gonna report the status of the case to Tonic Cookie and find out how things are looking on their end. If we don’t need the walkie talkie as evidence, you can keep Lemon Wafer Cookie’s radio as your own and I’ll return the one we borrowed.”

“Really?” She pulled the radio out and examined it. The device was made from sturdy gilded wafers, with more ports and buttons than the radios used by the flourensics team. Even with the different layout, Walnut seemed to pick out which buttons corresponded to the ones she was used to using.

“The evidence we have isn’t enough to close the case, unfortunately,” Almond explained. “The only reason I was able to return is because the human let me. We can’t arrest her, and we need an actual recorded confession in order to put it on the official records. But we can’t just send an interrogator; the portals are too much of a liability, and Caprese could easily have anyone we send over as a snack. It won’t exactly help our records if the interrogator doesn’t survive the interrogation.”

“So we… still have to convince everyone?” Walnut asked, still examining the radio.

“Unfortunately, yes. And do it in a way that won’t cause mass panic. Everyone still thinks Caprese is dead, as well. It will be difficult to persuade them.”

“I guess you could just tell them that a human did it,” Walnut offered. “It won’t matter for them to know that the human is Caprese Cookie.”

Almond nodded.

“We’d still need flourensic evidence to prove that. Our best course of action for now is to work with Tonic Cookie and the team to get the kingdom secured.”

“Do you think Lemon Wafer Cookie’s radio will work with the other radios?” Walnut asked as she turned the device on.

“There’s no reason it wouldn’t,” Almond responded. “We can always test, of course. Let’s do what we did the other day. Tune your radio to channel 6 this time.”

He pulled his radio out and flipped the dial to channel 6 as Walnut went and did the same.

“Hi,” Walnut whispered into the radio as she held down the button. A garbled “hi” responded from Almond’s radio.

“Good. I’d say, well… I’d say if Lemon Wafer Cookie was here she'd be happy for you to use it.”

Walnut was silent. Almond put a hand on her shoulder but she continued to stare quietly at the radio.

"I still gotta discuss the case with Tonic Cookie,” Almond finally announced, breaking the silence. “I’d let you stay here to think on things, but I can’t trust ya not to run off again, so I’m gonna have ya tag along, alright?"

Walnut scrunched her face slightly but said nothing. He could tell she was exhausted. They both were, and dragging each other around was only a part of their fatigue.

"I know you're tired. I promise, we'll find time to take a longer break soon. I might be able to order food for the flourensics team, could be a bit of a peace offering, and a time for us to have a proper meal.”

Walnut nodded, taking a moment to glance and her acquired notebook and radio before following her dad back out the door.

Chapter Text

Almond switched his radio to the main frequency and instructed Walnut to do the same. Soon they had located the flourensics team's base camp. The camp was set up in a clearing between the crime scene and the castle wall, and contained several trailers and stacks of equipment. Team members were scattered around the area, most busy working on repairs for the equipment. Almond found the radio charging station and returned the borrowed radio before searching for Tonic Cookie. He found them quickly; they were busy at work in a trailer full of testing equipment and looked upwards to acknowledge Almond and Walnut’s presence sa they entered the trailer before they returned to work.

“I’d like to discuss my findings from this morning,” Almond explained. “Do you have a moment?”

Tonic Cookie placed a test tube into a centrifuge before turning towards them.

“Are you going to explain the urgency and scale of your previous request?”

“Yes,” Almond responded. “While the portal experiment did not go smoothly, I did acquire enough information to know who, or perhaps more importantly, what, has been the culprit in this case.”

“I assume you are referring to both the soulstone and missing cookies case?” Tonic asked for clarification.

“Correct. This may be a difficult report to accept, but the missing cookies…” Almond paused. “...were eaten, by a human.”

“A human? Those creatures from that cookie’s stories? I’d be more inclined to believe you if you said a witch ate the cookies. There is no reliable evidence that humans even exist. I hope you have more than simply circumstantial evidence and campfire stories to support this claim?”

“The big smashed trees in the forest!” Walnut responded. “They’re giant footprints!”

“There was no flourensic evidence of any kind in those clearings,” Tonic responded, shaking their head. “If such a creature left those imprints, surely there would have been evidence outside of the clearings themselves.”

“She did say she had boot-covers on,” Almond thought aloud. “She wasn’t directly trying to avoid leaving evidence, but she likely wouldn’t have left much of a trace aside from footprints.”

“You… spoke with the human? And it’s female?” Tonic squinted at Almond as if the change in expression would reveal more in his statement.

“Yes. I understand it is hard to simply take me for my word, especially when your job is to work with hard, physical evidence,” Almond responded. “But the human made it extremely clear she could easily overpower the entire kingdom if given the chance. I don’t want to give her that chance.”

“Regardless of if the human threat is as significant or real as you claim, we cannot get authorization to use that much of our department’s resources until we get enough evidence and paperwork filed for clearance. My team and I will work to repair the equipment we have so that we can at least utilize the scanners. I may be able to acquire approval and enough resources to perform the anti-teleportation enchantment on the rest of the castle, but even that will take convincing.”

“Would it be possible to use the scanners as a security measure?” Almond questioned. “If we had magic scanners running constantly across the kingdom, we’d at least be able to keep tabs on any portals the human creates. It could give us enough warning to rescue a cookie from a potential kidnapping.”

“It would require some reprogramming, but I believe that is possible, yes,” Tonic nodded. “I’ll have to discuss that with my team.”

“I appreciate your work,” Almond replied, giving an appreciative nod. “Please keep me updated as soon as you have anything to report.”

As they got outside, Almond remembered his suggestion of ordering lunch.

“Kiddo, could I get ya to go around to the cookies on the team and ask them what they’d like to eat. I’m gonna order us some pizza.”

“On it!” Walnut responded before trotting off to get orders.

Almond took a deep breath. Every day this case got more complicated. And he could hardly even comprehend how high the stakes had gotten. While the mystery of the case had been solved, it was still hard to make sense of. How many timelines were out there? If his world, his reality, wasn’t the ‘main’ timeline, did that mean there was another version of him out there, in a completely different set of circumstances? Did this case only exist for him in this timeline? Did the human…was the human the only reason for their timeline’s existence?

“You wouldn’t be the first cookie to sacrifice their timeline in an attempt to stop me.”

Another cookie had made the decision he had nearly made by accident. A single cookie’s choice had led to the destruction of an entire universe. But that hadn’t stopped the human. To create and destroy timelines so effortlessly… How were they to stop such a creature? Was there a cookie with magic strong enough to rival such a destructive, predatory force?

“Dad, I got the orders!” Walnut announced, bringing Almond back to the present.

“Ah, right.”

“Are we getting the pizzas from that place with the dessert pizzas? Can we get one?”

“Not as your lunch!” Almond teased. “But we can get one to share, alright?”

“Right,” Walnut agreed before opening her notepad. “Three cookies want a cheese pizza to share, Tonic Cookie wants pineapple jelly pizza, I wanna get the dessert pizza but we can share whatever pizza you order.”

“We’ll get the combo special then, it will be easier to pick out what ya want.”

The two of them went to the nearest phone booth to order the pizza. After the order was placed, they headed back to the flourensics team’s basecamp.

“I wanna see what Tonic Cookie’s doing,” Walnut announced.

“They’re probably busy, kiddo.”

“Yea, but I just wanna watch, they don’t have to stop what they’re doing.”

As they got to the trailer, Tonic Cookie was removing several test tubes from the centrifuge. They frowned as they noticed Almond and Walnut’s presence.

“I’m working, at the moment,” Tonic Cookie began. “I appreciate your decision to provide lunch, but my testing experiments are time-sensitive. I have 5 tests to finish before break.”

“Oh, I just wanted to watch what you’re doing!” Walnut responded cheerfully. Tonic’s eye twitched.

“Do it silently.”

The two of them watched the cookie work for a few minutes. Tonic seemed somewhat annoyed with the attention but said nothing. Almond could tell Walnut wanted to ask questions, but she kept quiet until Tonic Cookie appeared to pause, waiting for a timer.

“Are you looking at clues?” Walnut asked, peeking over the work table.

“Yes..” Tonic nodded. “Though we’ve collected so much evidence it’s been a pain to examine all of it.”

“Have the clues shown you anything?”

“Well, we were able to confirm that Lemon Wafer and Mulberry Cookie were there based on the jam and crumbs found at the scene. There’s been no flourensic evidence of any other cookies on scene, not even Boysenberry Cookie, though we have found a few fragments of a crumb-like substance that has yet to be identified.”

“But Beet Cookie said that all three cookies were in that house!” Walnut reminded.

“The human did say she ate all three of them, as well,” Almond added.

“Lack of flourensic evidence doesn’t mean a cookie wasn’t there,” Tonic explained. “It simply means that they were not injured on-scene. It is likely Boysenberry Cookie simply didn’t put up a fight.”

They paused before pulling up a crime scene photo of the house.

“The jam stain contained a significant quantity of crumbs, characteristic of a crushing injury. As the jam and crumbs were identified as belonging to Lemon Wafer Cookie, she likely suffered a severe injury before being removed from the house. Considering the damaged furnishings, I believe furniture fell on top of her, crushing an arm or leg. Meanwhile, Mulberry’s injuries seem to have been significantly more superficial, likely only a scratch or two.”

“What are you looking at now?” Walnut asked.

“Well, some of those vials contain the ashes and melted cheese from…”

“From Caprese Cookie,” Walnut finished. Tonic nodded. Walnut looked back at her father as Almond narrowed his eyes. After a moment Tonic’s timer went off.

“I’d like to finish this before lunch. If you two wouldn’t mind…” Tonic began.

“We’ll leave ya to it,” Almond responded, ushering Walnut back outside.

“Dad, what are humans made out of? Are they made out of dough, like us? If they aren’t, maybe that’s part of why Tonic Cookie hasn’t found any evidence of a human. The clues just aren't the same as what they’re used to finding.”

“You may be right about that,” Almond responded. “When the human grabbed me, her hand was squishy, almost like jelly. Not quite as smooth, though. With very long, sharp claws.”

“So humans are made of jelly?”

“No idea, kiddo,” Almond responded, shaking his head.

“Well, I guess Tonic Cookie is working on all the clues from the house,” Walnut began. “Should we try to find evidence of the human? Or maybe, try to figure out why the human wanted the soulstones? How do soulstones work, anyways? Like, they’re made of concentrated life powder, like soul jam, but they’re not nearly as powerful, right? Witches make them, and can put a specific cookie’s -soul? into them. How do they put a soul into a stone?”

“From what I’ve heard, the witches have kept most knowledge on life magic far away from cookiekind. Some religious leaders have claimed to commune with the witches, but none of their claims have been validated.”

“Churches have old books and stuff, right? Even if no one around right now knows, someone in the past might have written it down in a book.”

Almond squinted.

“I have a hunch they’ve either made it all up, or know more than they’re letting on.”

“Well, I think it’s a good lead to follow!” Walnut concluded. She scribbled something in her notepad and glanced up as the pizza arrived.

“I got a large cheese pizza, a small pineapple pizza, combo pizza and a Mint Choco Dessert Egg Pizza!” the delivery cookie announced as she hopped off the delivery bike with a stack of pizza boxes. Almond brought out his wallet to pay. Once the food was paid for, the cookie hopped back onto the bike and sped off at high speed to make more deliveries.

“That probably constitutes a traffic violation,” Almond muttered as he watched the bike disappear. “But we’ve got bigger issues at the moment.”

“Like lunch!” Walnut joked as she grabbed the combo and dessert pizzas from the stack. She sat down with the boxes as Almond passed the rest of the pizzas out. Walnut had already helped herself to a slice of pizza as Almond sat down besides her. He grabbed his own slice and took a bite.

“Mph!” Walnut began with a mouth full of food. She paused for a moment to swallow before pointing at the food.

“I didn’t really think about it before but… a lot of cookies are named after foods, and made out of some of the same stuff food is made out of. If cookies were made to be eaten, does that mean we taste like the food we were named after?”

“Yes,” Almond responded, hesitating as the word left his mouth. Walnut looked up at him expectantly. Almond sighed.

“Kiddo, the cookie I saw Caprese eat…” He stopped. “I don’t really know how to explain this, but she… ‘ baked’ a copy of me, so that there were two of us. The cookie she ate… was me.”

Walnut frowned with confused concern. Almond put a hand on his face and paused.

“The reason I know that cookie’s names match their flavors, well, she told me what I tasted like. Said I tasted like almonds, and coffee.”

“You drink so much coffee you taste like it!?” Walnut asked, giggling nervously for a moment before frowning.

“She told me how Lemon Wafer Cookie and those kids tasted, too,” Almond added, wiping his hand away from his face.

“The reason I thought about it was the pizza,” Walnut explained. “See, there’s like, basil, and cheese and tomato on it, that’s the same stuff that pink cookie said Caprese Cookie was made out of. Do you think… the pizza tastes like Caprese Cookie?”

“Walnut, please,” Almond muttered. “How about we don’t think about that right now so we can eat.”

“Ok,” Walnut responded before examining her pizza and taking another bite. After they had both eaten several slices, Walnut pulled out the dessert box and opened it. She took a slice of the mint choco “pizza” and started to eat as Almond grabbed a slice of the dessert fruit pizza.

“Mm, it’s nice and chewy,” Walnut said with a smile. Almond took a bite of his slice and stopped as he bit into something crunchier than expected. He looked down and noticed several nuts scattered around the fruit.

“Of course it has almonds in it…” Almond muttered. Walnut stopped mid-bite.

“Oh, oops,” she muttered.

“It’s fine, kiddo. More just about the context of that conversation we were having.”

“Do you think Mint Choco Cookie tastes like this mint choco pizza? I’d understand why humans want to eat us if we taste like this.”

“Walnut… ”

“Right, sorry.”

They finished what was left of their slices in silence before Almond packed the boxes back up.

“We’ll take the leftovers back home,” Almond said. “Let's try not to bring up any more existential crises during meals, alright?” He ruffled Walnut’s hair and she giggled.

“Alright.”

The two of them got up and headed off towards the house with their leftovers. Almond could tell that Walnut was deep in thought, which was fine with him as it gave him time with his own thoughts. He opened the door as they reached the house and hung his coat on the coat rack before putting the leftovers into the refrigerator as Walnut bounded over to the work area.

“I’m putting the ice cream pizza in the freezer, alright, kiddo? Everything else is going in the fridge”

“Alright, Dad,” Walnut responded, though her attention was on the pin boards.

“What you got on your mind, kid?” Almond asked as he closed the refrigerator door.

“I was coming up with ideas!” Walnut responded cheerfully. Almond sat down on the couch and turned to face her.

“Alright, let’s hear it. What’d ya got, kiddo?”

“Ok, so first thing I was thinking is alternatives if the barrier spell thing doesn’t work. So, I’ve come up with a backup plan! Operation Convince The Human Not To Eat Cookies!”

“....this again?” Almond grumbled.

“The name’s a bit long, but it gets the point across,” Walnut continued, ignoring his comment.

“Kiddo, I don’t want you trying to attract the human’s attention to yourself, or trying to track her down, or doing anything else that might lead ya to becoming a snack.”

“Oh, no no no!” Walnut reassured. “This isn’t about finding the human, it’s about not getting eaten if we get caught!”

“Fair enough. What’s your plan?”

“Well, it’s kind of a few ideas, but that means we have better chances. Alright, so scenario one-”

Walnut walked so that she was in direct view of her dad.

“Say I get grabbed by the human. She’s probably thinking about eating me, but before she can, I go ‘wait, listen! Do you remember me, Walnut Cookie? We did research in the library together. Maybe, instead of having me as a snack, we could, like, ask each other questions!’ ” 

“And what if that doesn’t work? What if ya don’t even get the chance to talk?”

“Oh, Caprese Cookie would at least be nice enough to give me a chance!”

“Did it ever occur to you, kid, that Caprese Cookie might’ve been nice to you, let ya eat candy to ‘sweeten you up,’ literally?”

“Oh, but I didn’t eat that many of her jellies!”

“I’m just saying, all that extra sugar in your dough-”

“Dad, are you trying to scare me away from eating sweets!?”

“I’m trying to scare you away from becoming the sweets!”

Walnut scoffed lightheartedly.

“Alright, then let’s say trying to be friends doesn’t work. What about getting her to find an alternative to cookies. There’s tons of tasty foods that you don’t have to kill first! If we could figure out what her favorite food is, maybe we could convince her to eat that instead.”

“Kid, do you remember that story Caprese told at the campfire, about how humans have an ‘insatiable craving’ for cookie dough? If Caprese was telling that story about herself, sounds like cookies are her favorite food.”

“Oh, well…” Walnut paused to think. “But you said that Caprese Cookie like, baked a copy of you? And ate your copy, but you’re still here. If she just does that for every cookie she eats, then all the original cookies will be safe! We can just ask her to do that!”

“...I think that’s what she’s already doing, though,” Almond muttered.

“Oh, well, then, great! But, why are you so freaked out about her, then?”

Almond sighed and laid one hand on the other.

“Look, kiddo… I know I said that she ‘baked’ the copy, but it’s a bit more complicated than that. Remember what you told me about that book, about how dreams can be memories from other realities? Sounds like that might be the case.”

“Oh, you mean that the other you, that she ate, was from another universe? So then the dreams, the cookies with the bad dreams about getting eaten, was because they were eaten, but in another world…?” She looked up at him, expecting clarification.

“...Yes. That crystal we found, it sounds like she’s using it to replicate entire universes. She makes a copy, eats whoever she’s in the mood to eat, then destroys the duplicate timeline.”

Walnut nodded, more serious than before, but not as scared as Almond had anticipated.

“So you think the enchantment will protect the cookies inside the kingdom, even if the universe duplicates?”

“The duplicates are identical to the original, so if we protect our timeline, it’ll protect the copies, too.”

“If dreams are memories, do you think that-” Walnut was cut off by a large burst of static from Almond’s radio. 

“Almond Cookie, do you copy?” Tonic Cookie’s voice crackled through the device.

“I copy.”

“Ten twenty-five. Test results are complete… We need to talk.”

Chapter Text

“What do you think it’s about?” Walnut asked as they walked back over to the base camp, glancing up at her father for an answer. “The thing Tonic Cookie wants to talk to you about?”

“Well, it has to do with the case; that much is clear,” Almond responded. “My guess is they’ve gotten their test results back. Though, their tone of voice made them sound a bit displeased. Guess that cookie’s always gonna find an excuse to be frustrated with me.”

As they reached camp, Tonic Cookie was waiting by the door to the trailer. They narrowed their eyes as they saw the two of them approach, but gestured to Almond to follow them inside. Walnut followed behind, but Tonic Cookie shook their head.

“I only wish to speak to your father,” Tonic Cookie explained, closing the door and leaving Walnut outside. Walnut began to protest but cut herself off as the door shut.

“Is there a reason you’ve chosen to keep my daughter out of this conversation? She is the detective assigned to the missing cookies case.”

“I believe her impartiality on this case may be compromised.” Tonic Cookie squinted and looked at their desk.

“I know you’ve been withholding information from me,” they continued. “I know it’s not your responsibility to disclose everything you know in regards to this case, but I need you to answer one question for me in order to interpret this data properly. Forgive me if this comes off a bit blunt. Is Caprese Cookie truly dead?”

“...Not exactly,” Almond conceded.

“I presumed as much. The foundation of the house appears to be stained by a significant amount of balsamic vinegar, vinegar compositionally identical to the balsamic vinegar in Caprese Cookie’s dough. I believe the vinegar may be the “smell” that that tracker cookie was complaining about.”

“Caprese Cookie was destroyed by Dark Enchantress Cookie,” Almond replied. “But, she is not dead… because she is not actually a cookie.”

“Do you mean to say that Caprese Cookie was the human in cookie form?” Tonic’s eyes continued to dart around, scrutinizing Almond.

“That is correct. Though, you will have to take my word for that,” Almond answered. “My daughter still seems to view Caprese Cookie as a friend despite the circumstances, and I’m concerned that her trust in the human could lead her to become the human’s next victim.”

“I was concerned you two might have been trying to cover up something for Caprese Cookie’s sake, but if what you told me is accurate, it helps connect a few pieces of evidence.”

“Forgive me for not being forthright with this case,” Almond responded. “Much of the facts are hard to piece together, and some of the details add more questions rather than give useful answers.” He paused. “But the simplest information I can give you is that Caprese Cookie is a human, and that she stole the missing soulstones and ate the missing cookies.”

Tonic paced to the other side of the trailer and looked away from Almond.

“We still won’t be able to authorize kingdom lockdown until we have actual evidence of the human. However, we can still prepare the scanners in the meantime.”

“I appreciate it," Almond said with a nod. "Now, are you certain you don’t have any evidence of the human? You said you had found a crumb-like substance, yes? Could it have come from the human?”
“Possibly, yes. However, while I described it as crumb-like, it is not made of dough. In a crumb, you’d find the primary structural matrix to be formed of carbohydrates. But this substance is less rigid, and appears to be primarily composed of protein.” They gestured with their hand before waving dismissively and continuing to speak. “Of course, yes, some cookies have a lot of protein in their dough, but this far exceeds the ratio you’d find in any cookie. There are no traces of life powder to speak of, either. If humans are real, we have absolutely no understanding of their physiology. Every form of dessert life contains life powder, but it is entirely possible that non-desserts, such as witches and humans, do not require life magic to sustain themselves, and it is even more likely that they are not made of dough as we are.”

“So the crumbs are human crumbs?”

“I have no way of identifying them. It is simply a possibility.”

“Understood. I will work on acquiring more substantial evidence so that we can move forward with the protection plan.”

As Almond opened the door, he heard a yelp followed by a thud. He glanced down to see that Walnut had fallen off of the steps leading up to the trailer and was now picking herself off the ground.

“Ow,” She muttered as she got up, brushing the dirt off of her clothing. “I was trying to listen through the door…”

“Good thing I didn’t open it too quickly, then. Gotta be careful standing in front of doors like that, kiddo.”

“I didn’t hear that much,” she muttered. “I heard you say something about Caprese Cookie and crumbs.”

She glanced down. Almond followed her gaze to the ground. Lemon Wafer’s radio had fallen out of her pocket and appeared to be slightly damaged.

“Oh no!” Walnut muttered as she grabbed the device. The compartment on the back had fallen off, leaving the battery and a cartridge exposed. She began to fiddle with the cover in an attempt to stick it back together.

“Hold on a moment, kiddo,” Almond instructed, grabbing the device from her as she handed it over. He began to put the casing back together, but stopped and squinted to get a better look at the compartment. He pulled out the cartridge and examined it.

“I think this is a recording device,” Almond concluded.

“The radio is bugged?” Walnut asked.

“No, no. This looks like it’s part of the design,” Almond explained, still examining the cartridge. “Those extra buttons probably let you use it as a voice recorder.”

“So Lemon Wafer Cookie might have recorded a message on it?”

“Most likely, yes. As to whether any recordings are useful, we’d have to check.”

“I don’t know how to play the recordings on it,” Walnut responded. “Do you think Tonic Cookie has something we could listen to it on?”

Before Almond could respond, Walnut had grabbed the radio and cartridge back from him and opened the door to the trailer to go inside. Almond followed after her.

“Tonic Cookie, do you have a thing we could listen to this cartridge on?” Walnut asked, showing them the cartridge.

“This is Lemon Wafer Cookie’s radio,” Tonic Cookie observed before raising an eyebrow at Almond. “...Why did you withhold this evidence?”

“We weren’t certain it would be useful to the case,” Almond explained.

“And I needed a radio,” Walnut added. Tonic Cookie groaned.

“This case is a mess,” Tonic muttered under their breath. “But yes, I do have the equipment needed to listen to recorded data on a cartridge like that.” They took the cartridge from Walnut and plugged it into a computer. After a few moments of set up, they scrolled through a list of files.

“This is the most recent recording,” Tonic announced as they selected a file. “The timestamp appears to be shortly before she was reported missing.”

“Can we hear it?” Walnut asked. Tonic nodded and hit play.

“This is Officer Lemon Wafer Cookie,” a voice crackled on the recording. “Radio reception is spotty here. I will be recording directly onto this device until radio contact is stable.”

There was a pause full of static.

“We were able to track the two missing individuals to this location, a cookie house in the woods just outside the Cookie Kingdom. House appears to have suffered mild structural damage from unknown force. Tracker refused to enter the building and retreated.”

Another pause.

“There is…something large, outside. I will remain inside the house until the coast is clear.”

There was another long silence on the recording, interrupted only by Lemon Wafer’s breathing and the occasional crackle of static.

“Is she gonna die?” Walnut asked over playback of the recording.

“Well, we know she is dead,” Almond responded.

“I mean, like, are we gonna hear her…?”

Almond shook his head with uncertainty and gestured for Walnut to keep quiet.

The silence on the recording was interrupted by a rattling thud followed by a surprised shout from Lemon Wafer.

“Bracing! The house seems to have been- removed from its foundation! Everything is-”

Her statement was cut off by a loud thud and a jam-curdling scream. Almond felt Walnut flinch beside him. He put a hand on her shoulder as the recording continued.

“Officer down! Mayday! Please, someone hear this!”

The recording picked up a sound of clicking that Almond presumed was Lemon Wafer attempting to switch channels on her radio. Her breathing was labored and pained and she moaned loudly before speaking.

“Leg…my leg… I can’t move. The cabinet…fell. Witches help me…”

“Oh, is there a cookie in there?” a second voice spoke. Almond recognized the voice to be Caprese’s.

“Help, please!” Lemon Wafer responded. A shuffling noise could be heard on the recording, followed by a loud crack. The cookie let out a pained gasp.

“What-what are you!? I- …a Witch? please. ”

“Oh, you poor thing! I’d’ve been more careful with the house if I knew there was a cookie inside! Let me take a look at you.”

There was a quiet creak and a thud. Lemon Wafer gasped again.

“Oh, ow! Your leg’s totally crushed. Kind of a mess with all those crumbs and jam.”

Lemon Wafer let out a few more labored breaths and yelped quietly.

“Easy, little. It looks like your leg is stuck to the floor with all that jam. I don’t think it’s salvageable.”

“You’re going to…amputate?”

“If you don’t want to be stuck to the floor, yea.”

Lemon Wafer let out a pained yell before panting again.

“See? That’s better. Now, lemme just scrape this leg off the floor to get it out of the way.”

A pause.

“What are you? This house… have you seen- two young cookies here? They look like this.”

There was a shuffling of paper.

“Mpf, yea…about that…”

“...are you eating something?”

“Well, the good thing for you is that leg’s not gonna be bothering you for much longer.”

“What happened to those children? Please, if you know anything -”

“Yea… sorry, but. Same thing that happened to those kids…is gonna happen to you.”

“What!? What do you mean by-? ...Let go of me! No! Please, NO-!”

Her scream was cut off by a loud crunch. After a moment of shuffling there was a crackly thud.

“Did something fall?” Caprese muttered, crunching as she spoke. More shuffling noises were picked up on the recording.

“Aww, it’s like a lil’ tiny radio. What do all these little buttons do?”

The recording abruptly stopped.

“Gobbled up, just like that,” Almond sighed.

“You could hear her dough getting crunched!” Walnut added with a shudder.

“That does line up with the existing evidence…” Tonic Cookie muttered. “That Lemon Wafer Cookie had a limb crushed while in that house. According to that recording, it was one of her legs. I suppose which leg is not particularly important.”

“Is this enough evidence for you to confirm that the culprit is a human?”

“Well, I can’t rule out that it wasn’t a witch, given that that is what Lemon Wafer Cookie stated on the recording. Whether or not the creature eating cookies is a witch or a human, doesn’t change the fate of those missing cookies, however.”

“So you acknowledge the severity of this threat?”

“Yes,” Tonic responded with a single nod. “The evidence isn’t enough to prove the cookies were eaten, but it is plenty enough to prove that the kingdom is in significant danger.”

“Why would Caprese Cookie…?” Walnut muttered.

“Caprese is not a cookie, and never was a cookie! She used some sort of degraded life magic to make a dough puppet and gained your trust. Humans are cookievorous monsters! No friendly interactions with any cookies change that fact. She hunts cookies like us for food! Walnut, do you understand this!?”

Walnut looked down at the floor.

“She did…say sorry,” she muttered, her voice wavering with uncertainty. She grabbed the corner of Almond’s coat and wrapped it around her by Almond’s side. Almond and Tonic exchanged glances and Tonic gave a sympathetic frown.

“I need to keep the cartridge as evidence,” Tonic explained. “But the radio will still function normally without it, it just can’t record anything.”
“Thank you,” Almond muttered as Tonic handed the device back over to them. Walnut was quiet as she took the radio.

“Let’s take a rest at home, ok, kiddo?”

Like many of their recent trips back to the house, the walk home was spent in tense silence. Once they arrived back, Almond took time to make coffee and feed the cat as Walnut paced in front of the pin boards.

“I kinda feel like we’re still looking at this wrong,” Walnut muttered.

“Yea? How’s that?”

“I understand how Caprese Cookie’s dangerous, and not a cookie but this big monster that eats cookies, and we know that she’s responsible for what happened to the cookies and the missing soulstones. But I don’t think she came here just to eat us. If she was, I think we would’ve figured all this out sooner. I think more cookies would’ve gone missing. She said humans are as big as mountains, right?”

“She certainly seemed that large,” Almond nodded.

“Right, but that’s just the thing. If she’s so big, she’d need to eat a lot of food. And if she’s here to eat cookies, that would be a looooot of cookies getting eaten and going missing in the few weeks she’s been around.”

“I’d say that what she’s doing to other timelines would account for that, but if she destroys a timeline, she wouldn’t gain sustenance from any cookies she ate in that timeline.”
He turned his attention to the coffeemaker as his cup was filled with beverage.

“But the other thing is, so far everything she’s said has been true, if a bit vague.” Walnut responded. “If what she told us about humans is true, then that probably means that other stuff is, too. All that stuff about dark magic, and her home getting destroyed.”

“I suppose you have a point,” Almond said as he took a sip from his freshly brewed coffee.

“She spent more time doing research than she’s spent eating cookies, I think,” Walnut continued. “I know you’re worried that I, like, trust her too much? But it's not that I trust her, I get that she’s terrifying and could probably eat me if she wanted. But I kinda feel bad, I guess?”

“I suppose it makes sense that you still see her as a cookie,” Almond responded. “You haven’t seen her human form in person. And the last time you saw her as a cookie, she was getting burnt into black crumbs.”

“Maybe it’s like that for her, too; maybe she was nicer as a cookie cause she saw us more as equals than as snacks.”

“But wouldn’t that mean, by that logic, that she’d certainly view you as a snack if you confronted her in her human form?”

“Well, yea, but if we can figure out her, like, emotional stuff, we could find a way to get her to empathize with the cookies. But the main thing I’m getting at is that, like, I think she’s here for the research more than she’s here to eat cookies. If we help her with whatever she’s researching, maybe she’ll go away sooner.”

“So ya wanna make a deal, then.”

“Yea, like a compromise. We help her as long as she stops eating cookies.”

“What if she doesn’t want our help?”

“Then we’re back where we are right now, I guess?”

“Assuming she doesn’t eat ya as quickly as she ate Lemon Wafer Cookie,” Almond replied. “Good news is, sounds like Tonic Cookie is finally willing to start work on those scanners. Once we get that stuff up and running, we’ll know about every teleportation spell in the kingdom.”

“Do you think Caprese Cookie would make another cookie form?” Walnut asked, scrutinizing the boards. “You said she made the original one with life magic, right?”

“I doubt she’d show her face in the kingdom as a cookie again if she’s got any sense,” Almond replied, shaking his head. “I’m sure word’s gotten round that she ‘died’; any cookie paying attention would realize something’s fishy.”

“Ok, but if she did, and if we were able to confront her or catch her, that would be a lot safer than trying to talk with her when she’s a human.”

Almond nodded.

“We’ve still got a few hours of daylight. What’s your plan for the rest of the day?”

“Well, I kinda wanted to go back to the library; we could do more research on witches and maybe find out if there’s any churches or cookies around who would know about witches or soulstones, and maybe find clues about what Caprese Cookie was researching. But I also realized… we never really found out exactly what happened when she left the castle.”

“Didn’t you interview Pure Vanilla Cookie at some point?”

“I did, but I kinda got sidetracked. I asked him about if he had any dreams, cause I was trying to figure out the dream stuff when I was interviewing cookies, but he seemed more interested in how I was doing. All I got from him is that he had some sort of dream, but he described it weird, like he said it was ‘warm’? And just described the feelings of it rather than what actually happened in it. But then he said something like that he was concerned about Caprese cause she was upset when she left. Like I think she accused him of being too nice or something? She probably just felt guilty, I think.”

“So if I’m understanding right, you wanna go to the library as well as the castle? I’m not sure we’ll have time to do both.”

“Ok, well, we can split up!” Walnut responded, somewhat hesitant but enthusiastic. “I can go to the library, and you can go interview Pure Vanilla at the castle, and then meet me at the museum. I promise, promise I won’t run off again!” She clasped her hands together to beg. Almond sighed and smiled before ruffling his daughter’s hair.

“Straight to the museum, alright, kiddo? No getting sidetracked or going off to hunt clues based on a hunch. And keep your radio with you.”

“I promise.”

Chapter Text

Almond felt uneasy going to the castle alone. He knew Walnut would be fine, she’d gone to the museum on her own before, but every day on this case made him more tense, especially after what had happened this morning. He took another sip from his coffee as he continued to walk.

As he reached the top of the castle steps, he spotted GingerBrave and Strawberry Cookie hanging out together at a table.

“Good afternoon,” Almond said as he approached, exchanging a smile and a nod.

“Hey there, Almond Cookie!” Gingerbrave greeted, reciprocating a smile before his grin faded slightly. “We haven’t talked for a bit. I heard about what happened, with Dark Enchantress Cookie, is everything alright?”

Almond frowned, pausing a moment to consider a response.

“Things are complicated, kid. We’re doing our best to keep everyone safe.”

“If there’s anything we can do to help, let us know!” GingerBrave responded enthusiastically.

Almond thought back to the night of the campfire, of the concern he saw in the two cookies’ faces as they listened to Caprese’s story.

“I suppose there’s one thing,” Almond said, looking down to think while nodding. “Do you two have a moment? I’d like to ask you two a few questions.”

“Oh, uh, sure!” GingerBrave nodded. Strawberry seemed uncertain but followed them inside.

Almond decided they would use the same room as had been used for the first round of interrogations, as the chairs were still where they had been left. He pulled up a chair and gestured for Gingerbrave and Strawberry to take a seat.

“Just to be clear, neither of you are suspects,” Almond clarified. “We know who’s responsible for the crimes we’ve been investigating. In normal circumstances, I would not disclose this information, but I want you to know that there is no reason to be concerned in this interview.”

“We’ll do our best to answer any questions you have, then,” Gingerbrave responded.

“Good…” Almond replied. He pulled out his notepad and pen before asking his first question.

“At the jelly barbecue, the campfire, a few days ago, I recall that the two of you were a bit concerned in regards to the story Caprese Cookie told us. Could you tell me which parts of her story bothered you, and perhaps why?”

Strawberry Cookie whimpered and GingerBrave shifted in his chair for a moment before responding.

“Well, Witches are kinda scary. It was a scary story, and the monsters in it kind of reminded us of witches.”

“Have you ever seen a witch?”

“Well, um, see… we were baked in the witch’s oven. And we escaped, and ran and ran so far, and came here, to this kingdom.”

“And what was it that made you flee from the witch?”

“Scary…” Strawberry murmured from within her hood. “The oven was so hot, and…”

“Did you see the witch do anything, something terrifying enough that you needed to run as fast and far away as you could?” Almond paused. “Did you see the witch… eat a cookie?”

Strawberry made a quiet yelp and retreated farther into her hoodie. GingerBrave gulped nervously.

“Y- yea…” GingerBrave answered.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“What does this have to do with the investigation you’re doing?" GingerBrave asked. "Is a witch involved? Is a… human involved?”

“I’m afraid I can’t go into any more detail regarding the investigation.”

“Maybe we can help?” GingerBrave offered. Almond shook his head.

“That won’t be necessary, thank you. That is all the questions I have for you for now.”

He got up from his seat and guided the two cookies back outside.

“Gook luck with everything,” GingerBrave added as they went back to the table.

“One more thing. Have you seen Pure Vanilla Cookie around recently? I wish to speak with him as well.”

“Oh, he’s probably in the garden, that’s where he usually is.”

“Thank you,” Almond exchanged another nod before heading towards the castle gardens. On his way over, he pulled out his radio to check in with his daughter.

“Walnut, this is Almond Cookie. Do you copy?”

“-Yea. Did you finish the interview with Pure Vanilla Cookie?”

“Not yet, still looking for him. I ran into Gingerbrave and Strawberry Cookie on the way over. Do you remember those two from the campfire?”

“Oh, yea, I think so. Gingerbrave was at the dinner we had at the castle too, right?”

“I believe so, yes. Anyhow, sounds like those two had an encounter with a witch at some point, saw a cookie get eaten.”

“That’s terrible!”

“But unfortunately, it means there is some validity to that book you read, about how witches created cookiekind to feast upon us.”

“Speaking of witches, I did find some info about some religions that revere witches, that might maybe know how soulstones work. The nearest one, has a…convent? nearby? We could probably visit soon.”

“We’ll discuss that when I meet you over there. I’ll check in again when I finish with Pure Vanilla Cookie.”

“Okay. I copy.”

Almond put the radio back into his coat pocket as he approached the garden. Sure enough, Pure Vanilla was busy tending to his flowers, but seemed to sense Almond’s approach despite keeping his focus on the plants.

“Hello again, Almond Cookie,” Pure Vanilla greeted as he rose. “I presume you are here to discuss the case again? There is a lovely spot just over there where we can sit together.” Pure Vanilla gestured to a small bench at the edge of the garden.

“Thank you,” Almond responded as the two of them made their way to the bench. Pure Vanilla sat down first, though his robes draped over the entire bench. Almond decided he would rather stand.

“Even after all the work you’ve done, you do not wish to sit?” Pure Vanilla asked, concerned.

“It is alright, I do not mind,” Almond assured. “I do need to ask you a few questions in regards to the investigation.”

“Of course.”

“At what time do you remember Caprese Cookie leaving the castle?”

“You mean when she decided she would no longer be staying here?”

“Correct.”

“If I remember correctly, it was nighttime when she left, though I cannot recall at exactly what time.”

“And what happened when she left? Did she say anything to you?”

“Oh, well, she seemed rather upset. She told me I had been too nice to her. That she didn’t deserve my kindness. I only wanted her time spent in the castle to be pleasant, but…” Pure Vanilla Cookie sighed.

“And to think that, so soon after, she would be crumbled at the hands of Dark Enchantress Cookie… But I just can’t tell what I did to upset that poor cookie. If I had convinced her to stay, perhaps this would not have happened. Was I really too nice? Not nice enough? Oh, it is not in my nature to be inhospitable to guests!”

“I assure you, her behavior was by no means affected by anything you did,” Almond replied. “My daughter may have asked you this question before, but I’d like to ask again. Did you have, or have you had, any unusual dreams lately? Perhaps around the time Caprese Cookie left the castle?”

“Oh, dreams are known for being unusual, aren’t they? Though I suppose yes, there was one dream that was a bit different from my usual fare, on the night Caprese Cookie left…”

“Describe it for me, please.”

“Ah, well, I remember being surrounded by light, and lifted into the air as if by a warm embrace.”

Almond raised an eyebrow.

“It was as if I was being held by some great being,” Pure Vanilla continued. Almond grimaced. “A gentle but firm grip, almost like a hug, though not as crunchy as the hug you’d receive from another cookie.”

“Could you describe what you saw?” Almond requested. Pure Vanilla thought for a moment before shaking his head.

“There was not much to see, really.”

“Forgive me for asking, but do you have any form of visual impairment when awake, or was this simply your dream perception?”

“I, well, yes. I can still see with my eyes, but they are very sensitive, and I find it is easier to see with the help of my staff.” He chuckled slightly. “Perhaps I did not have my staff with me in this dream.”

“Do you remember anything else?”

“Yes… after a moment of light and warmth, the light suddenly faded,” Pure Vanilla stopped for a moment to remember. “It was still warm, but dark, and…moist. I can’t recall anything asides from that, I’m afraid.”

Almond frowned. The description Pure Vanilla Cookie gave was somewhat vague, but it made Almond uneasy.

“Thank you for your time,” Almond finally spoke. “We are making progress on this case, but we’ve had a few setbacks.”

“I am glad to have been of help,” Pure Vanilla Cookie responded, rising from his seat. “Take care, and take a rest. You seem very tired.”

“I’ve had a long day,” Almond admitted. “Take care.”

As he left the garden, he pulled out the radio to check in with Walnut again.

“Kiddo, ya there?”

“Yea. That was quick? Did you talk to Pure Vanilla Cookie?”

“I did. He was rather vague with his dream description, but I have a very bad feeling about what he did remember.”

“What kind of bad feeling?”

“I think that damn human’s eaten him too, is what kind of bad feeling I got. If she was able to munch down on an ancient hero with about as much ease as with any other cookie, we’re in real big trouble.”

“You said something about the number fifteen, right? About the dreams?”

“That’s how many cookie’s she said she’s eaten. Given the context of how she spoke about it, my guess is she’s eaten fifteen different cookies, including the missing cookies and not including eating the same cookie multiple times.”

“So that’s Mulberry, Boysenberry, and Lemon Wafer Cookie, Cocoa and Mint Choco Cookie, Custard Cookie III and possibly Pure Vanilla Cookie? And… you?”

Almond was silent. Walnut was right. The human would have put him on that list.
Another thought came to him. Walnut had had a dream. She was not eaten in her dream, but he was…missing. This probably meant that he was one of the cookies Caprese had eaten multiple times. But then why hadn’t he had any dreams of being eaten as the others had?

“Dad?”

“Sorry, kiddo. I need to think. I’m on my way to the museum, we’ll talk when I get there.”

Seven. Seven of the human’s victims were known. And Almond suspected Pure Vanilla and Espresso Cookie were likely victims as well. Three dead cookies, four cookies with nightmares of getting eaten, two cookies with odd dreams. Nine. But then who were the other 6?

He continued theorizing on his way to the library, but he decided the most likely scenario was that most of the six remaining cookies were ones he’d simply never met.
He reached the museum and found Eclair in his usual spot at the desk. The cookie glanced up as he entered but did not vocally greet him this time.
He found Walnut in the library where he expected to find her. She was busy skimming through a pile of books, and had made several notes on paper that was scattered across the table.

“Hi Dad!” Walnut greeted, taking a moment to divert her attention away from the books.

“Find any leads?”

“I mean, it’s hard to know where to start. But there’s this church, the Saint Pastry Order, it sounds like it’s nearby. They worship the witches, so they probably know a bit about them. Though, supposedly they built their church thing sort of close to a witch’s house. Might be dangerous…”

“Well, we don’t have time to investigate there today, but we should have time tomorrow.”

“What about the interviews?” Walnut asked, springing up from the table.

“Concerning,” Almond responded. “Gingerbrave said that he and Strawberry Cookie saw a witch eat a cookie before, shortly after the two of them were baked. Sounds like they would’ve been next if they hadn’t run off.”

“So witches really do bake cookies to eat them…” Walnut muttered.

“I’m still more worried about the conversation I had with Pure Vanilla Cookie,” Almond said. “He said he was lifted up by some large, warm being, and that everything became dark and moist.”

“Mouths are probably dark,” Walnut inferred. “And Caprese Cookie said, in her story, that humans make some sort of liquid in their mouths that can dissolve cookies and make them soggy.”

“Exactly,” Almond nodded. “If the human was able to eat one of the Ancient Heroes so effortlessly, I’m afraid most other cookies won’t have much of a chance.”

“But Pure Vanilla is a pacifist, right? I don’t think he’d fight a human even if it would save his life.”

“I suppose that’s true. But even so, one of the ancient heroes hasn’t been seen in generations, and another became Dark Enchantress Cookie herself.”

“But Dark Enchantress Cookie defeated Caprese Cookie before. And she hates witches, maybe she’d fight off a human?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, kid,” Almond said, shaking his head. “She defeated Caprese Cookie . It would be much more difficult to fight a full-size human. I don’t think we want a cookie like that on our side, anyways.”

“What if we trick both of them? Caprese Cookie still probably wants that staff, and Dark Enchantress Cookie still probably wants her dead, regardless of if she’s a cookie or a human. If they fight each other, maybe they’ll both get defeated. Or we’ll only need to deal with one of them.”

“Kiddo, do you know what ‘collateral damage’ means? Ya get those two to fight each other, they could destroy the whole kingdom, maybe even the whole continent. It would be bad for everyone involved.”

“Oh, right, I guess that makes sense.”

“Almond Cookie, do you copy?” a voice interrupted from the radio.

“I copy.”

“This is Tonic Cookie. We finished setting up the scanners. We’ll get data for the past week or so, and an alert any time teleportation magic is used within the kingdom’s borders.”

“Fantastic.”

“We should have a report together for you tomorrow morning.”

“I appreciate the work you and your team have put in. I’ll check back in with you tomorrow.”

“Copy that.”

Almond put the radio away and looked back at Walnut.

“It’s getting a bit late. We still have leftovers at the house, why don’t we head back and have dinner?”

Constable Whiskers was waiting for them at the house. The cat purred affectionately and rubbed against Almond’s legs as the two cookies entered the house. Walnut grabbed the cat and flopped onto the couch as Almond warmed up the leftover pizza to eat. Almond could hear Walnut turn on the TV, though he could not tell what sort of show she was watching. He put what was left of the pizza onto two plates and came over to the couch, handing one over to Walnut as he sat down beside her.

“What’re ya watching, kiddo?”

“Oh, some old scary monster movie, I guess,” Walnut responded. 

Whiskers attempted to steal a slice of Walnut’s pizza as her attention was on the TV.

“Whiskers! No, that’s my pizza! Give it back!”

Almond chuckled as he watched his daughter fight with the cat over the food. Whiskers grumbled but managed to tear off a piece before skittering off under furniture with the prize.

“Did I not feed that cat earlier?” Almond asked.

“I think you did, yea,” Walnut agreed.

“Crazy cat.”

Almond looked back up to the TV and frowned.

“Ya sure this is what ya wanna watch tonight? Looks like they spent a good chunk of their budget on fake jam.”

“It’s ok, Dad, it’s old so the special effects aren’t that scary.”

“Or realistic,” Almond admitted as a character on screen was brutally crumbled by a strange, gooey monster. “There’s less …jam …in real life.”

Walnut frowned and muted the TV.

“You don’t have to watch it if you don’t want,” she offered. “We could sit at the table instead.”

“No, it’s fine, kid,” Almond responded. “Just had a long day, is all.”

“Yea, the portal thing was this morning.”

“If what the human said about dreams is true, I’ll get shoved into her mouth as soon as I fall asleep tonight. And even if that doesn’t happen, it’s gonna be a restless night for me. Though, there’s another thing that’s been on my mind.”

“Yea, what’s that?” Walnut asked between bites of pizza.

“The human said she’s eaten some cookies multiple times. That dream you had, where I was missing, had me thinking.”

“You think she ate you before?”

“This morning, when she ate my double, the way she described it was as if she was eating me for the first time, but she didn’t eat my coat. Discarded it pretty quickly as if she already knew she didn’t want to eat it. Sure, she used it in her… demonstration later, and she could just generally dislike the taste of cookie clothing, but I just get this sense…”

“That the dream of me looking for you, that you were missing because the human had taken you away and-”

“Exactly.”

Walnut rested her head on her father’s side. He sighed and put his arm around her.

They sat quietly and watched the movie for a while as they finished their dinner. Almond took their plates when they had both finished and washed them as Walnut got ready for bed. By the time he had finished drying and putting the plates away, Walnut had already finished getting into her pajamas and was ready to hop into bed. It took Almond a few more minutes to get himself ready, and found that Walnut had already tucked herself in by the time he had finished. She had been there long enough for the cat to claim her hair as a pillow, but she had not yet fallen asleep. As he lay down, Walnut spoke.

“Do you think humans have families, like cookies do?”

“No idea, kid.”

“I know it’s silly to think about, but I think they do.”

“Let’s get some sleep, alright kiddo? Gonna be hard enough for me to sleep as it is, I feel like as soon as I close my eyes, I’ll have to watch myself become a snack, from the snack’s perspective this time.”

“Even if it’s something that really happened, it’s still just a dream,” Walnut offered. “You’re gonna wake up and be ok.”

“I suppose that's true. Goodnight, kiddo.”

“Goodnight, Dad.”

Sure enough, the next place he found himself was in the grasp of the human. While he knew that this memory, for him, was a dream, the thoughts he heard were the other Almond’s thoughts. Of uncertainty and fear as each attempt at cuffing the human failed.

“If you’re human, why the need to tell stories of jam-thirsty humans on the hunt for cookies?”

“For fun, but those stories are true. And this will be quick and painless… I like to eat cookies head-first.”

Almond could feel himself struggle against the human’s grip as she pulled her hand closer towards her opening mouth.

“Please, no, I have a-”

He was enveloped in warm, moist darkness. One final word left his mouth.

“-daughter!”

Almond could hear the crunch of his own dough cracking between the monster’s jaws as he woke up with a start, panting heavily. He took several deep breaths as his eyes adjusted to the dim light of the room.

It seemed to be early morning. Walnut was still asleep and barely stirred as Almond adjusted himself to a sitting position. He had a debilitating headache that told him it was much too early to be up without coffee. He sighed and laid back down, though he kept his eyes open and stared at the ceiling as he thought.
From what he had just experienced, he was positive Pure Vanilla Cookie had been eaten. The inside of the creature’s mouth was almost exactly what Pure Vanilla had described in his dream: dark, warm, moist.

Almond shuddered. The human was still out there, and they still didn’t have a barrier up to protect the kingdom. Tonic Cookie seemed more concerned about the bureaucratic side of actually getting the barrier together, rather than the actual threat the human posed, and even Walnut seemed to think that they could easily solve this problem together. But Walnut did have a point with the scanners; the kingdom was only a small part of Earthbread. Any cookie outside the kingdom borders would be at risk of becoming prey for the human, but it simply wasn’t feasible to use a security enchantment across the entire world, much less Crispia. Hopefully the scanners would be functional, but Almond worried what the scans might reveal. It had only been a day, but the human could have added to the 15 cookies she had mentioned in that time.
He continued to think over the case until sunrise, at which point he finally decided to get up and have a coffee. The sound of the coffee maker woke Walnut, who came into the kitchen a few minutes after he had gotten up and yawned.

“Morning, Dad.”

“Morning, kiddo.”

“Did the dream happen? Like Caprese Cookie, er, Caprese Human said it would?”

“I don’t think human names work like that, but yes. And even in my dream-self’s last moments, I was more worried about you than I was about myself.”

Walnut leaned against Almond with her head for a moment quietly. She pulled herself up as the coffee finished brewing and trotted over to the refrigerator to pull out the dessert pizza.

“You’re having pizza for breakfast?” Almond asked.

“It’s not really a pizza, it’s got fruit and jelly on it.”

Almond took the two slices of egg pizza as Walnut helped herself to the remaining slices of fruit and mint choco pizza. 

“What’s our plan for the day?” Walnut asked.

“I need to check in with Tonic Cookie. They got the scanners set up last night, they might have more information for us.”

“And after, we can go find that church?”

“If we got time, yea. But our priority’s gotta be the scanners.”

He pulled out his radio as he finished his food and called for Tonic Cookie.

“Any updates on that scanner array you’ve set up?”

“Affirmative,” Tonic Cookie responded. “Though, some of the results are not what we expected.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“There’s a significant quantity of portal signatures showing up on our readings. They’re not all from the same caster, either.”

“Do you have them mapped out?”

“Affirmative.”

“We’ll be on our way over shortly.”

They reached the base camp and found Tonic in the trailer, their face and hair illuminated by the glow of a large screen displaying a map of the kingdom.

“There’s quite a lot of data here,” Tonic explained. “More than we expected.”

“Those dots, are those the locations of the portal spells that have been detected?”

“Yes, the blue dots represent portals that match the original signature we picked up. The orange dots have not been identified, though they have the same signature as each other.”

“So we got another portal-maker on our hands?”

“Correct.”

“Any patterns?”

“Some of them seem to be in clusters in the same general areas, though many appear more sporadic. None of the portals occurred simultaneously, though some happened around the same time.”

“Could you zoom in on that cluster right there?” Almond asked, pointing to a spot on the map. As Tonic zoomed in, Almond recognized the cluster to be centered around the café Cocoa Cookie worked at.

“Tuesday. Orange dot. Spell occurred at approximately 5 am. Blue dot. Spell occurred at approximately 4 pm.”

“Tuesday was the day that café ended up with decaf coffee,” Almond noted. “Practically knocked me out cold.”

He looked back at the map.

“Were there any other portals formed that day?”

“Yes, another blue. Though, the vast majority of the blue portal signatures have been fuzzy at best. There’s clear evidence that a portal occurred at a specific time, but it’s as if the portal wasn’t fully-open?”

“Could you show me all the portals detected from that day?”

Tonic Cookie pressed a button, filtering only the marks from that day onto the map. Several additional blue dots appeared, along with the orange and blue markers at the café. A particular marker attracted his attention.

“Could you zoom in on the map there?” Almond asked, pointing to the location. He frowned as he recognized the address.

“...That’s the house where we’re staying!” Almond realized aloud. “What’s that timestamp?”

“Tuesday, 3 pm.”

“...and that’s when I was asleep! Crumbs!”

“What is it?”

“It means the damn human got into my house! It means that all the case files we had up on the pinboards at the house are potentially compromised.”

“... crumbs indeed.”

“This is exactly the sort of thing that a teleportation barrier would have prevented!” Almond groaned. He decided not to mention his other concern, that if the human had access to his house when he was unconscious, she had probably taken the opportunity to…have a snack.

“I told you, I’ve requested additional resources, but we simply don’t have the clearance or budget to put an anti-teleportation spell over the entire kingdom. We could potentially protect smaller areas where security is necessary, such as basecamp and your house, but to do that kingdom-wide simply isn’t feasible.”

Almond sighed.

“Fine, zoom out on the whole town again, show me everything that’s been picked up.”

Tonic obliged. Almond noticed several clusters, but there wasn’t an obvious pattern.

“The other portals. Do you have any idea who’s making those?”

“No idea,” Tonic replied, shaking their head. “My assumption is they’re either working together or are aware of each other; the orange portals primarily appear either before or after a blue portal appears, in close proximity, and never at the same time. As soon as we set up the scanner array, however, whoever’s been making the other portals clearly noticed. Several portals were detected throughout the night last night, and some of our tools have gone missing. I suspect we may have attracted the attention of a saboteur.”

“Have you discussed any of this with Wizard Cookie?”

“Not yet. But I have marked all the coordinate data from each portal. Both sets of portals have four coordinate inputs, but they do not have the same coordinates as each other. The blue-marked portals always seem to have the same coordinates, but the orange-marked portals seem almost randomized.”

“What about the meadow, and that creepy house?” Walnut asked, clearly taking an opportunity to finally ask questions.

“We stopped scanning in those areas after the incident, but we do have data mapped out.”
Tonic pulled up a second map which displayed the edge of the kingdom, along with the meadow and abandoned house. Instead of being marked with dots, nearly the entire meadow, along with the area surrounding the house, were highlighted blue.

“Is that whole thing a portal?” Walnut asked, pushing closer to the screen.

“Apparently so,” Tonic replied.

“The whole meadow!? That’s so BIG! ”

“Humans are pretty big, kiddo. You saw how big those footprints were, all those smashed trees. That’s probably the portal the human used to get here.”

“Do humans walk on two legs, or four legs?”

“Two.”

“Do they look more like cookies, or witches?”

“Kid, can we finish looking at these maps?

“I’ll admit, I’m rather curious myself,” Tonic said, looking at Almond. “It would certainly be easier to identify such creatures if provided a description.”

Almond sighed.

“They’re like witches. Tall, extremely tall. Walk on two legs, like us, but they got these hands; big, long fingers with claws. Obviously, I’ve only seen the one, I don’t know how much they differ from each other individually.”

“Well, then, describe the human you saw; that’s our suspect, is it not?”

Almond nodded.

“Hair is the same shape as Caprese Cookie’s, but brown. Female. Whatever humans have instead of dough, same color as Caprese Cookie’s dough. Same eye color as well.”

“And how, exactly, has a creature the size of a witch been able to go around undetected?”

“I’m not so sure on that either. My best guess is she’s using the portals. A human hand could fit through a smaller portal and grab an unsuspecting cookie. Though, I’m sure at least some of those portals were used by her cookie form.”

“How do you explain the ‘footprints’ then?”

“That portal in the meadow was large enough to fit a human. She would have walked to the house to form those footprints. Beet Cookie seemed like she heard something, but your guess is as good as mine in that regard.” 

“You said some of the portals are like, fuzzy, right?” Walnut chimed in, looking over the map.

“Yes,” Tonic responded, switching back to the map of town.”

“I’m thinking, that probably, the fuzzy portals are the ones she’s doing the dream-stuff with.”

“The ‘dream-stuff’?” Tonic inquired.

“Apologies, it’s a working theory,” Almond responded, shaking his head at Walnut in an attempt to get her to drop mention of that complication.

“The ones that aren’t fuzzy, that’s probably the ones Caprese Cookie used in her cookie form, like the ones at the vault.” She pointed to the markers around the castle vault.

“Caprese wasn’t in her cookie form when she robbed the vault,” Almond clarified. “But she was present in the vault physically, yes.”

Tonic raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“Anyways, I think the other portals are someone else,” Walnut continued. “Like, obviously the scans say it's a different signature, but I mean, I don’t think they’re working with her? A cookie wouldn’t want to be on the same side as something that eats cookies, right?”

“Wouldn’t be too sure of that, kiddo,” Almond responded. “The human did appear to have a cookie held prisoner. And said cookie didn’t seem too concerned about their predicament.”

“But can that cookie make portals?”

“No, I suppose not. Not that I’m aware of, of course.”

At that moment, an alert sounded on the computer. All three cookies pulled their attention to the screen.

“Portal detected,” Tonic announced. “It’s got that second signature.” They pointed to an orange dot that had appeared next to an existing blue dot.

“Oh, for the love of-!” Almond groaned. “That’s at our place, again!”

“If we run over, we could catch them in time before they leave!” Walnut suggested, already pushing the door open.

“I’m staying here. I’ll be on radio,” Tonic said as Almond and his daughter dashed out the trailer door.

They took off as fast as they could to the house, running until they were just a short distance away.

“Stay behind me,” Almond ordered as they quietly approached the door. He pulled out his cuffs, wound back and kicked the door open.

“POLICE!”

He dashed into the house, cuffs at the ready, but found no one in the kitchen or living room, save for Constable Whiskers, who was hissing in the direction of the kitchen. Almond carefully searched the rest of the house for any intruders, but found nothing.

“Dad?” Walnut called from the other room. Almond returned to the front room to find Walnut examining the refrigerator.

“The door to the fridge was open. The pizza’s still there, but the ice cream is gone.”

“So you’re telling me, that some cookie came in here via portal, took our ice cream, and left?”

“I guess? Maybe they were hungry.”

“Too bad the cat can’t talk,” Almond noted as he observed a still-agitated Constable Whiskers.

“Status update?” Tonic requested over the radio.

“House’s empty,” Almond responded. “Someone was here, but it looks like the only thing they touched was the fridge.”

“Anything stolen?”

“Ice cream, according to my daughter. Everything else appears to be accounted for.”

There was a crackle of static over the radio.

“I’m sending a team over to secure the house. We’ll work on setting up a security enchantment on the place.”

“Copy that.”

Almond sighed and grabbed a coffee before slumping onto the couch.

“This is a problem, kiddo.”

“I don’t think the human stole the ice cream,” Walnut inferred.

“She’s got no reason to, she’d need a tub of icecream the size of this house if she wanted to actually enjoy it.”

“Who took it, then? And why? Couldn’t they just buy their own ice cream?”

“My guess is that some other cookie who can make portals got wind of our plan to shut down all teleportation spells in the kingdom. What Tonic Cookie said, we have a saboteur.”

“Um, doesn’t that mean that the cookie who got into our house wants us to be here right now?”

“They’ve also succeeded in splitting the team,” Almond added. “Tonic Cookie just sent some cookies over to secure the house.”

“Shouldn’t we warn them?”

“It’s still best if we secure the house first, otherwise this perp is gonna keep sending us who knows where, and they could easily just steal all our case files if they get into the house again.”

“So we’re just gonna wait for them to get here and hope whoever is making those portals doesn’t, uh, sabotage basecamp?”

“I’ll give Tonic Cookie a heads up.”

Almond pulled out the radio.

“Tonic Cookie, do you copy?”

A garbled “yes” came through the radio.

“We think some cookie’s intending to sabotage the investigation. Keep an eye out for anything suspicious on your end.”

“Copy that. Team is still en route to your location.”

Almond placed his radio back into his coat pocket before staring at the wall for several moments. He groaned and put his head into his hands.

“This is an embarrassment. Not just for us, but for the whole department. We’re supposed to have the resources to deal with things like this. A human is one thing, but seems like unscrupulous cookies are starting to take advantage of our preoccupation with this case. We already don’t have enough resources to fully manage the human, it’s gonna be worse if we get spread thin.”

“Maybe there’s a pattern,” Walnut offered. “Tonic said the orange portals usually happened near a blue portal, right? But not at the same time. Like the cafe, first it was an orange portal, then a fuzzy blue portal. So I think that whoever made the orange portal replaced the coffee for decaf. Then the human noticed that cookies were sleepy, and took advantage of that. That would explain the fuzzy blue portals at our house and the cafe.”

“Espresso Cookie and I,” Almond inferred aloud.

“But why was Espresso Cookie’s dream about milk?”

“Probably the same reason Cocoa Cookie’s dream was about cocoa,” Almond responded. “Cocoa Cookie loves cocoa so much that she wasn’t paying attention to the human when she had her dream. It stands to reason that Espresso Cookie hates milk so much that he was more upset about it than the human in his dream.”

“And maybe the reason you didn’t have a dream was because you were asleep the whole time. If she ate you when you were asleep, you wouldn’t remember it in that timeline and wouldn’t dream about it.”

Almond thought for a moment, though he was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it!” Walnut offered, trotting over to the door and pulling it open to reveal three cookies from the security team waiting outside.

“Is this the correct address for the security setup?”

“Yes,” Almond responded, standing up and walking towards the doorway. “We need to protect the perimeter from teleportation magic to make sure the case files are not compromised.”

“We could store them at basecamp,” a security cookie offered.

“Is basecamp secured from teleportation access?”

“I- don’t know,” the cookie admitted. “All our files are encrypted, but I’m not sure if our physical equipment is secured.”

“I’d prefer to keep the files in the house when it is secured properly. It’s not just the files to be concerned about, after all, my daughter and I are living here.”

“Understood. We’ll get to work right away, sir.”

Almond gave the security crew room as they began working on the house, though Walnut decided to follow one of the cookies around to watch what he was doing. After a few minutes of watching his daughter pester the crew, Almond got another call over the radio from Tonic Cookie.

“Has the team arrived yet?”

“Yes, just a few minutes ago.”

“Good. It should take them about half an hour to work on the house, but if you suspect the saboteur to target basecamp next, I’m gonna need your eyes back here.”

“Copy that.” He gestured to Walnut. “Kiddo, they want us back at basecamp. The team can finish up on the house without us.”

“Oh, okay then.” She waved goodbye to the worker she had been following, who primarily looked relieved, before following her dad out the door as they headed back to basecamp.

“Alright, kid. So I think our plan for now is to return to basecamp, and either figure out a pattern with these portals, or catch the saboteur in the act.”

“What if they go to the house again?”

“They’d get caught by the team that’s working there. And even then, they’d have to do so before the enchantment is up.”

“Do you think the cookie who’s doing this thinks we’re at the house still?”

“Kid, at this point we don’t even know who’s doing this or why. Our hope is they’ll show up to basecamp to get up to whatever mischief they’re planning and find more cookies there than they expect.”

“Like a stakeout!”

“Sure, like a stakeout.”

Walnut let out a squeal of excitement that made Almond smile.

They reached basecamp to find Tonic Cookie still in the trailer, looking over all the map data. They glanced up when the door opened.

“No more portals yet,” they announced.

“Is there a pattern?” Walnut asked, peeking over the cookie’s shoulder.

“Nothing obvious,” Tonic responded. “And nothing since the one at your house, either.”

“We’ll keep watch outside, then,” Almond said.

“Alternately, stay inside,” Tonic requested. “If they see you outside, they might flee back into a portal. We’ll wait for an alarm, then you two can surprise them.”

“Good idea.”

The three of them waited for several minutes, staring intently at the computer screen. Finally, an alarm blared.

“Orange marker!” Tonic announced. “Right on us, like you predicted!”

“Here we go! Let’s move out, kiddo!”

The two of them leaped out of the trailer, Almond pulling off to the right as Walnut went left around to the other side of the trailer. Almond pulled out his cuffs out in preparation as he surveyed his surroundings, though nothing that he could see seemed out of place. He flinched as he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He spun around, only to find the area still empty.

“Hey!” Walnut shouted from the other side of the trailer. “Come back!”

Almond could hear the sound of clanking metal as he rushed to the other side of the trailer. He found Walnut staring at a pole in the ground with clear confusion.

“I saw a cookie!” Walnut said as she noticed Almond approaching. “They stuck this thing in the ground and disappeared.”

“Did you get a good look?”

“They were big, and yellow, with a big hat on!”

“Well, that certainly isn’t Caprese Cookie. Or that cookie she imprisoned. Strawberry Crepe Cookie, I believe?”

“I’d never seen them before,” Walnut responded. “But if they can make portals, maybe they can help us with the human!”

“You really think a cookie who broke into our house less than half an hour ago would want to work with us?”

“I mean, maybe? I’d think it would be in most cookies’ best interest to stop a human from eating us all.”

“You said they left this pole in the ground? What is it, anyways?”

“I don’t know. It looks kinda weird, but at the same time, it just looks like a regular pole.”

“Could I get a report?” Tonic requested over the radio. “I don’t feel like leaving my post.”

“Walnut’s got a description of suspect. Apparently they’ve placed some sort of pole into the ground, you may want to take a look.”

A few moments later they heard the trailer door open. Tonic Cookie approached the two of them and examined the object.

“They stole one of our scanners,” Tonic noted. “And replaced it with whatever that is.”

“Maybe we can pull it out of the ground?” Walnut suggested.

“We should leave it be for now,” Almond responded. “We don’t know what it is, and if we leave it undisturbed, we might find more clues as to who put it here.”

“But what if taking it out reveals clues about why ?”

“We got more pressing issues, it seems,” Tonic announced, gesturing to the other side of camp, where a few news vans had pulled up. “Looks like the press found us.”

Chapter Text

It didn’t take long before the news teams had descended upon them like vultures. The three of them retreated to the trailer, but were unable to shut the door, leading Almond to block the entrance. The awkward predicament put the detective at the mercy of the ravenous reporters.

“I’m gonna need you all to back up!” he requested, though no one obeyed. He continued to fuss with the door amid the onslaught of questions. The door finally unlatched and slammed shut, giving Almond the opportunity to lock the mob outside.

“This is horrid timing!” Tonic complained.

“You think they care?” Almond responded. “I’m impressed it’s taken this long to find us! Must not’ve gotten the memo that the search lead here.”

“They’re all so interested in the case!” Walnut said excitedly. “Maybe if we tell them the important stuff, more cookies can help us!”

“Walnut, kiddo, clearly you haven’t had to deal with a media frenzy before. You say the slightest thing wrong, and they’ll eat you alive faster than a human would!”

“What do we do?”

“We can either wait them out, or give in and have an impromptu press conference,” Tonic offered.

“One of those news vans is all the way from the Hollyberry Kingdom,” Almond pointed out. “They’re not gonna give up anytime soon.”

The three of them thought quietly for a moment.

“I’ll handle this,” Almond finally spoke. “The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get back to work on the investigation.”

He took a deep breath and went out the trailer door. There was an almost immediate onslaught of questions.

“Everyone, quiet!” he ordered. Surprisingly, the crowd obeyed.

“This is still an ongoing investigation. I may not be able to answer everyone’s questions, but we’re going to do this one at a time.”

“Could you tell us why this investigation has led all the way to the Cookie Kingdom? Are you still investigating the disappearance of the missing Hollyberrians?”

“We had been informed that Lemon Wafer Cookie was last seen in the area before she was reported missing. Another criminal investigation going on in the area was connected with the disappearances, and we have confirmed that the same suspect was responsible for both crimes.”

“If you’ve identified the culprit, why haven’t any arrests been made?”

“Unfortunately, the suspect has enough resources to elude police. However, we have made progress to-”

“Is Walnut Cookie still leading this investigation?” another cookie interrupted. “Or has she been forced to step down due to inadequate levels of experience?”

Almond glared.

“Walnut is just as capable as every other cookie on our investigation team,” Almond retorted. “We have found it beneficial to the investigation team to split the detective work between Walnut and I.”

“‘Just as capable?’” a cookie in the audience scoffed. “So the rest of the team members have the same skill level as a child?”

Almond clenched a fist, though the gesture could not be seen from under his coat.

“Ya’ll think you’re clever enough to work a case like this? We’ve already had a detective go missing and any wrong move could get us killed. If you truly want to assist the investigation, please report any nightmares you experience to the authorities.”

“Who is responsible? You can’t just tell us that there is a criminal on the loose without giving us a description!”

Almond sighed and glanced back as the door to the trailer cracked open. Walnut’s hand slid past the door and handed him a piece of paper. He unfolded it to find that it was a printout of Caprese Cookie’s photo from the casefiles.

“You don’t have to tell them about the human thing,” Walnut whispered from the other side of the door. “Just tell them to look for her.”

Almond nodded quietly for a moment before turning back towards the crowd. He held the image up for the cookies to see.

“Keep an eye out for this cookie. If you see her, contact authorities immediately. We also request that you report any portals, teleportation, or other suspicious magical activities.”

The crowd erupted into questions, though it was hard to pick out what was being asked when so many cookies were talking over each other.

“Is that cookie a suspect? Another victim?”

“What happened to the missing cookies?”

“Wasn’t that cookie killed by Dark Enchantress Cookie? Is that just a rumor?”

“Is this the work of a cereal killer?”

“Are tree-stompers real?”

“Could you all just be quiet!? ” Almond finally interrupted. “We cannot answer specific questions regarding an ongoing investigation. Public safety remains our top priority.”

He paused and took a breath.

“However, I will clarify that the cookie whose picture I showed is the suspect. Do not interact with or engage this individual. Do not enter any portals. Call the authorities and we will handle this matter. This is the only information we can release at the moment.”

He opened the door to the trailer and ducked back inside despite protests from the crowd.

“Dad?” Walnut muttered.

“Don’t let anything those goons said get to you, kiddo,” Almond responded.

“I’m just worried, is all,” she responded. “Like, should we tell everyone what’s really going on? I know it might cause panic, but maybe some cookies could help us. But also, what if some cookie sees Caprese Cookie and tries to take her on alone? What if she takes them through a portal and eats them, for real?”

“I’d say that’s on them, if I’m being completely honest. It’s not our responsibility if some cookie tries to take out a criminal on their own. Right now we strategize. Hopefully the press will get bored and leave.”

“We still haven’t addressed the cookie who stole the scanner,” Tonic reminded. “Perhaps we should produce a facial composite.”

“Oh, I didn’t see their face, really,” Walnut admitted. “I just saw their hat. They were big, kinda round, yellow, with a big hat on.”

“We might as well get that description out there, I suppose,” Almond suggested. He glanced at Tonic Cookie.

“Do you think you could hold the press at bay while we try to resume the investigation?”

Tonic frowned.

“I am… not good at public speaking.”

There was another pause as the three of them thought.

“Why don’t we check in on the team at the house, then?” Walnut suggested. “If they get done soon, maybe they could distract the press.”

“I’ll check in on their progress,” Tonic said as they pulled out a radio.

“Security team, status report?” they called over the radio.

“We’re finishing up now.”

“Good. The press just got here, we’re trying to figure out how to get them off our backs.”

“We should be back in around five to ten minutes. We’ll take them off your hands.”

“Copy that.”

Tonic put the radio away and looked back at Almond and Walnut.

“Care to fill me in on the stuff you’ve been keeping quiet about?” they asked.

“Pardon?”

“The dreams. It must be more than a working theory you got if you want cookies to report their dreams to the police.”

“It’s not something I entirely understand, but to put it simply, the human seems to be able to feed off of cookies in their dreams. The human herself described it differently, but to put it simply, if a cookie gets a dream about getting eaten alive by a human, the human’s behind it.”

“I see. And why had she turned herself into a cookie if her goal was to eat cookies?”

“Well, no,” Walnut interrupted. “She came here to research stuff, in the library. But a human can’t fit into the library, so she made herself a cookie form so she could fit.”

“Then why has she eaten cookies?”

“Humans like how we taste, I guess. And they’re so big, they can’t just eat jellies like we do.”

“If she spent time in the library, I suppose we should set up a scanner array at the museum.”

“That’s a good idea,” Almond said, nodding. “It’s possible she’s returned there in her cookie form to continue researching despite having her original cookie form destroyed.”

“This ‘cookie form.’ How did the human make it?”

“Sounds like she modified the recipe the witches use to bake cookies,” Almond explained. “I’m not entirely sure of her methods, however.”

“We still need to figure out how soulstones work,” Walnut reminded. “I wanted to ask the convent/church place out of town, but it’s too far to walk there.”

“Our team can lend you one of the squad cars,” Tonic offered. “The kingdom’s small enough that nearly everything is walking distance, so we only need the cars for transporting equipment.”

“I’ll take you up on that offer,” Almond replied. “We’ll need our legs in good shape if we gotta outrun a human. I’ve been chasing this kid around the kingdom enough to make my legs ready to crumble.”

“Lemme see if I can find the church place on a map,” Walnut suggested, moving over towards the computer screen.

“Hands clean?” Tonic asked as Walnut reached for the keyboard. She scoffed and revealed two perfectly clean, round hands. Tonic nodded and allowed her to use the computer.

Walnut had some challenges trying to find the location on a map, and was interrupted as the security team arrived back at basecamp. Almond decided to take the opportunity to sneak past the news crews and head back to the house. As they left the site, Almond glanced back to see a hoard of reporters clambering around the security team, who seemed dumbfounded by the sudden attention.

Almond decided that it would be a good time to go to the store on the way home, as it was hard to know when they’d get enough of a break to do errands again. Conveniently, there was a grocery store on the way.

“Stock up, kid. No telling how long it’ll be before we have time to go shopping again.”

“Alright!” Walnut responded cheerfully before rushing for an aisle.

“Don’t go too wild, now!” he called after her.

He smiled at the sense of normalcy, though the reality of the case still hung in the back of his mind. It seemed logical to him to buy food that wouldn’t spoil too quickly; frozen meals, canned jellybeans. And perhaps, another tub of icecream to replace the one that had been stolen.
The more he shopped, the more he realized how hungry he was. He hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, and had to stop himself from putting more into his cart than they needed. He settled on two pre-made sandwiches for their lunch and a jelly steak with potato jellies for dinner. After stocking up on provisions, he switched his attention towards locating his daughter. He eventually found her in front of a display full of spices and hot sauces.

“Spicy stuff? I thought you’d be off getting something sweeter.”

“Oh, Dad. I was thinking we could try using spicy stuff as like, human deterrent. Like she wouldn’t wanna eat us if we’re super spicy.”

“What’s your plan, to cover yourself in hot sauce?” Almond asked quizzically.

“Well, maybe?”

“Kiddo, I’m not gonna spend any time trying to wash hot sauce out of your clothes.”

“What if I like, squirt it? I can use it like a weapon! Don’t you guys use pepper guns?”

“Some of the police have pepper guns, yes, but that’s a bit different than squirting a bottle of hot sauce at a giant that’s trying to eat you.”

“Can we at least get one, just in case?”

“Alright, fine, kiddo. Go pick one out and put it in the cart.”

Walnut grinned and grabbed a bottle from the display before placing it in the cart and turning her attention towards the snack aisle. She grabbed a few treats for herself before returning to the cart. The checkout process went smoothly, and it wasn’t long before they had returned home with their groceries. Walnut helped Almond unpack the groceries and soon the kitchen was fully stocked. Almond handed one of the premade sandwiches to Walnut before grabbing one for himself and turning on the television. He switched to the news channel and was unsurprised to see that they were currently covering the investigation. He sighed, sat down, and unmuted the television.

“Going back to our continued coverage of the three missing Hollyberrians. Police have still kept rather quiet on the status of the investigation, but brand-new information was released moments ago.”

The reporter cookie on-screen gestured as an image of Caprese Cookie appeared.

“The police have come forward with a suspect. This individual is known as Caprese Cookie. Authorities have asked the public to report any sighting of this cookie, but to avoid confronting the suspect for their own safety. The suspect's whereabouts at this time are unknown.”

The reporter paused as the footage onscreen changed.

“We have also been informed that all cookies should avoid and report any portals or suspicious cookies to police. A description was given for another cookie, though we do not know if this cookie is a suspect or a witness at this time. Please be on the lookout for a round, yellow cookie wearing a large hat.”

“I guess someone told them,” Almond muttered.

“I’m still not sure who that was,” Walnut added. 

The news broadcast continued, though the news anchor was joined by a second anchor.

“What do you think the deal is with that suspect?” the second anchor asked. “You’d think the police would’ve been able to track down a cookie like that, look at ‘er. Bright red tomato in her hair, unarmed?”

“Let’s not forget, the Department of Magical Emergency Handling has been working on this case. You know how unpredictable dessert magic can be!”

“Yea, but aren’t the two cookies leading this investigation some kid and her dad? Take-your-daughter-to-work-day, everyday?”

Almond groaned.

“We got a monster from some other dimension eating cookies with barely anything to stop ‘er, and the press decides the real story here is the experience level of my kid.”

“Why are you watching the news?” Walnut asked, eating her sandwich at the table. “We already know everything about our own investigation, and the people on TV never say anything nice, anyways.”

“Ya gotta know what the news is sayin’. Cases can easily get messy from the bullcrumbs the media ’ll spread around. It’s worse when there’s gonna be a trial involved, what with risking a biased jury, but I don’t think the case we’re dealing with is gonna end in any sort of trial.”

“The human would just smash the whole courthouse!” Walnut giggled.

“Assuming she doesn’t destroy the entire kingdom first,” Almond muttered.

Walnut hopped off the chair after finishing her sandwich.

“What should we do the rest of the day? Could we go over to the church place?”

“From what I understand, that’s quite a drive out of town. I’d rather we spend more time planning for that first.”

“Like what?”

“Well, what questions we’re gonna ask, for a start,” Almond explained. “From what I know about the Order, they’re a secretive bunch. Asking the wrong questions, sayin’ the wrong things, could get us kicked out, or worse.”

“Well, I wanted to know about soulstones. Like, how do the witches make them? And how do they put a cookie’s soul into it? What are souls made out of, anyways?”

“I’m thinking it may be best if I do the talking on this one,” Almond said. “Write all the questions you got down on paper, I’ll do my best to work ‘em into the conversation when we’re there.”

“Should we warn them about the witches? About how they eat cookies?”

Almond shook his head.

“Don’t do anything to challenge their beliefs. Let me do the talking, if they ask you anything, just smile and nod, okay, kiddo?”

“Alright.”

Walnut grabbed a piece of paper and sat down at the desk, jotting down questions she had.

After a moment, the phone on the wall started to ring. Almond got up to answer and was greeted by a familiar voice.

“Hey! Is this Almond Cookie?”

“Latte Cookie…?”

“Yes! How are you two doing? I saw all about the work you were doing on the news and wanted to see how things were.”

“They’re…manageable,” Almond responded tiredly.

“Rough work, huh? Oh, but that must be so fun for you two to be able to work on the case together!”

“It would be if I wasn’t worried sick about Walnut 24/7. But Walnut seems to be in better shape than I am. At that age, I wasn’t nearly so brave.”

“As long as you two are staying safe, of course.”

“Trying to …” Almond muttered.

“Oh, but do fill me in on everything that’s happened! And what’s that thing about dreams? I saw you say something about reporting weird dreams when you were on the news.”

“I still can’t say much about the case, unfortunately. Just, if ya get any dreams about some big monster eating cookies, let us know.”

The line was silent for a moment.

“Uh, yea, I’ll, I’ll let you know.”

The call hung up abruptly.

“The hell?”

“Who was that?” Walnut asked from the desk.

“Latte Cookie called to check on us, hung up the line a bit abruptly after I mentioned the bit about dreams.”

“Do you think-?”

“Wouldn’t surprise me. Would make things worse if the human could travel that far, though.”

“All the more reason to keep working on this case!” Walnut responded. Almond nodded quietly but stood by the phone for a moment. 

Almond turned his attention back towards the television, though he kept it muted with subtitles. Eventually the news shifted to another topic, and after a few moments he could hear Walnut get up from the desk. She came over to the couch with the paper and put it onto his lap.

“Are those questions good? Can we go today?”

Almond sighed but pulled up the paper to read it.

“Yea, this is fine, kiddo.”

“So we can go?”

“Lemme check in with Tonic Cookie first,” Almond replied. “I wanna make sure the Press is out of our frosting before we head back to basecamp.”

He pulled out his radio to call Tonic and raised the volume so that both of them could hear.

“Tonic Cookie, this is Almond Cookie, do you copy?”

“Affirmative.”

“Have the press left basecamp yet?”

“Some are still around, but they’ve calmed down. Probably won’t bother you too much if you come back down to get the car.”

“Perfect. We’ll be down in a few minutes.”

He put the radio away and glanced towards Walnut.

“Ready, kid?”

“Yea!”

“Alright, let’s go,” Almond said as he hoisted himself off of the couch, adjusting his coat before meeting Walnut in front of the doorway. 

Chapter Text

The walk to basecamp was uneventful, though Almond noticed that a few news vans were still present in the area. They entered the trailer at base camp to find Tonic Cookie waiting for them.

“The car’s ready at the other side of camp,” Tonic said, taking a moment to pull out a large piece of paper. “I figured you may need a map for navigation, so I spent some time locating your destination and printing out a map while waiting for the press to leave.”

They handed the map to Almond, who nodded appreciatively before placing the map into his coat.

“Thank you. We’ll probably head out now, so we get more time there to investigate.”

“Alright, stay safe. The squad car’s radio has a long range, so we should be able to stay in contact if there are any difficulties on either end.” They tossed the keys to Almond, who caught them before placing them into a pocket next to the map.

Almond nodded again to Tonic as he and Walnut headed over to the car. Walnut raced for the passenger door and waited patiently for her dad to unlock the vehicle. As soon as she heard the click of the door lock, she swung the car door open and hopped inside. Almond opened the driver’s side door and sat down as well.

“Got your seatbelt on, kiddo?”

“Yup! And I brought some of the snacks we bought for the road.”

Almond smiled and strapped himself in as he started the car.

The drive was relatively uneventful, though Walnut was clearly bored and asked several times if they could listen to music on the radio instead of the police scanner.

On the way out of town, they stopped to get lunch at the Bear Jelly village, though Almond avoided conversing with most of the local jelly bears so as to save time. They continued on after their meal, and after a long drive, they finally spotted an ornate cathedral amongst the hills. Besides it stood a great cliff, part of what appeared to be a large, round plateau.

Almond turned onto the road leading towards the cathedral. The ride was rather bumpy, as the road was cobblestone and didn’t seem to be regularly maintained. After a few minutes they reached the church. Walnut was more quiet than Almond had expected, though he could not tell if her silence was due to tiredness or nervousness.

“We’re here, kiddo. You ready?”

“Oh, yeah. This place is just giving me the creeps a lil, is all.”

“We got nothin’ to worry about, kid. We’re here to ask questions, worst that could happen is we don’t get a useful answer. Let me do the talking, like we planned, and everything will be just fine.”

Walnut nodded and the two of them got out of the car, approaching the large entry door cautiously. The creak of the door’s hinges echoed throughout the building as they entered.

“Hello?” Walnut called, her voice reverberating with the dissipating echo. It was silent for a moment before a door opened somewhere else in the building. The soft patter of a cookie’s footsteps grew louder until someone appeared through a doorway at the other end of the cavernous room.

“Hi!” Walnut called out to the cookie. Almond shushed her.

“Hello!” The cookie responded, continuing to approach. “Apologies, we… do not get many visitors here.”

“That is quite alright, ma’am,” Almond responded with a nod. “I am Detective Almond Cookie. This is my daughter, Walnut Cookie. We came to visit the Order to learn more about the relics known as Soulstones.”

“We humbly welcome you to this place of worship,” the cookie responded. “I am Pastry Cookie, taking the name of the great Saint Pastry Cookie as part of my devotion to this great church.”

“Thank you,” Almond responded.

“You say that you came here to learn about Soulstones?”

“Yes,” Almond answered. “We understand that The St. Pastry Order has vast knowledge on the Witches, and, as Soulstones are created by witches, we believed you could be of help to us. Soulstones were stolen from the Cookie Kingdom, and we believe that learning more about them may help us understand the culprit’s motives.”

“I suppose that is one thing we have in common,” Pastry Cookie noted. “While the laws of the Godly may be different than the laws of the land, we both seek justice and to rid the world of sin.”

“I suppose so…” Almond responded. He wasn’t used to interacting with the overly zealous, but he knew that playing along and being as polite as possible towards this cookie’s beliefs would make acquiring information much easier.

“Come with me,” Pastry Cookie continued, turning back in the direction she had come. Almond and Walnut followed her.

“Where is everyone?” Walnut asked. Almond hoped she wouldn’t ask too many more questions, in case she stumbled upon something sensitive.

“Ah, my Sisters are doing missionary work today,” Pastry Cookie explained. “We split tasks amongst ourselves. Today, I was selected to protect and clean our place of worship. The other Sisters will be arriving soon, though. I have a pot of broth on to boil for tonight’s stew.”

“If you have other tasks to attend to, that is alright,” Almond offered. “We can wait until you have more time to spare.”

“Oh, it is no trouble. The longer it cooks, the better it will be. It is far more important to enlighten you of the holy works of the Godly Makers.”

She continued down a hallway before turning into a room. They followed her and found themselves in a room full of polished rows of soulstones on display. The air smelled of baked goods and flowers, though it was not an overwhelming scent.

“This is the Hall of Souls,” Pastry Cookie explained. “Whenever a member of our church crumbles, the Witches bring us a Soulstone so that they can continue to watch over us and protect us from the unclean. Generations of clergy watch over us here.”

Pastry continued to a pew facing a Soulstone in the center of the room. She knelt onto the cushioned kneeler and began to pray. Almond and Walnut watched her for a moment before she got up, moving her hand in the shape of a fork in front of her before turning back to them.

“This Soulstone holds a piece of the soul of the great Saint Pastry Cookie herself. We often pray that she may help us carry out the will of the Witches.”

“What is the will of the Witches?” Walnut asked.

“Walnut, I’m asking the questions, remember?” Almond reminded. Walnut made a small noise of frustration. Pastry smiled slightly.

“Dear child, it is beyond a cookie’s understanding to know the full will of the Witches. The Order seeks to protect and preserve the order of the world the Godly Creators have baked for us and purge the unclean and impure.”

Almond wasn’t too fond of the cookie’s rhetoric, but he ignored this and switched back to discussing the reason they were there.

“Do you, or does anyone at the Order, know how the Witches form soulstones?”

Pastry shook her head.

“It is forbidden to pass the great wall of stone surrounding the Witch’s garden. We know little of what goes on within. However, we know that they infuse large crystals of concentrated life powder with a cookie’s soul. Exactly how, I do not know.”

“That seems to be the hang up,” Almond noted. “No one seems to know how a soul gets put into a stone.”

Walnut made a quiet yelp of surprise as if she had found a possible answer.

“What if the witches…put the soul in by-”

She was cut off as the sound of the cathedral door opening reverberated through the building.

“That must be the Sisters!” Pastry Cookie interrupted, leaving the room to greet her peers. Almond turned to Walnut.

“Kiddo, I know you got ideas you want to share, but it’s really important that we do not mention anything about the… diet of humans and witches.”

“But, if they live so close to the witches, they could be in danger!”

“And we could be in danger if we insult a group of zealots with information that contradicts their beliefs!”

“I- okay…” Walnut nodded.

After a moment they could hear cookies coming down the hallway. Soon they were greeted by Pastry Cookie, followed by several members of the Order.

“Sisters, these are our visitors, Almond and Walnut Cookie,” Pastry Cookie explained. “They came here seeking knowledge, and I have spent some time helping them on their journey to enlightenment.”

Walnut gave the nun a confused look.

“That’s wonderful, Pastry Cookie!” a cookie who appeared to be an abbess remarked. “You’ve managed to do a bit of missionary work without even leaving your post.”

“I thank you for welcoming us here,” Almond responded politely. “But with all due respect, we are only here to learn, for now.”

“Well, those with an open mind are only one step away from opening their hearts to providence.” The abbess smiled at them before turning towards Pastry. “I’m assuming you haven’t forgotten to prepare the stew?”

“Of course not, Reverend Mother Cookie,” Pastry responded with a slight bow. “The broth is nearly ready.”

“Then we shall prepare the dining hall for supper. And be sure to prepare two extra seats at our table.”

The group of nuns nodded and continued down the hall. Pastry gestured for the two of them to follow. They were led into a long room, with a long dining table in the center. The edges of the room were lit by sconces and candlesticks, and the walls were adorned in worn tapestries. The two of them wandered the room as the nuns set the table. Soon dinner was ready. Pastry Cookie led them to two empty spots at the table before seating herself besides them. They were served bread and stew, which Walnut did not seem particularly thrilled with, but Almond still had to grab her hand to make sure she did not eat until the nuns had said grace. The cookies at the table put their hands together in prayer as the abbess began to speak.

“Glory be to all who dine at this table, in the name of the Dough, the Oven, and the Witches. May the dough of this bread become one with our own dough, and may this food help us sustain the gift of life the Witches have blessed us with. We humbly ask for your blessing, so that all cookies may be graced by your divine presence. Amen.”

“Amen,” the nuns responded.

Walnut glanced between the Sisters and Almond as cookies began to eat. He nodded the ok and they both picked up a spoon to eat the stew.

The cookies were rather silent while eating, though a few began to murmur amongst themselves after they had finished their plates.

“The Witch lives on the other side of that big wall, right?” Walnut asked. “The one that looks like a big cliff?” Almond frowned, but was currently preoccupied with a large bite of bread.

“Yes, dear child,” the abbess answered, though the other cookies grew quiet. “Beyond that towering wall lies the holy dwelling of a Witch.”

“Have you ever seen the Witch?  Aren’t Witches really big? Is it..scary, at all?”

Almond nudged Walnut from under the table but she ignored him.

“Dear girl, why else would we live so close to the Godly other than to be graced by their divine presence? It is natural to look upon the Godly Creators in awe and fear, as it is their hands that formed us from shapeless dough and brought us into this world. As cookies of the Saint Pastry Order, it is our duty to fulfill the purpose the Witches have made for us.”

“The…purpose?” Walnut asked nervously. “But, Witches… they made cookies to eat us!”

“Walnut!” Almond sighed, smacking a hand into his forehead hard enough for it to hurt.

The table went silent. A nun on the other side of the table accidentally spilled a spoonful of soup. The rest of the Sisters exchanged a concerned look with each other before looking at the Abbess. Almond groaned quietly.

“That is…unfortunate…” the abbess murmured, a disingenuous smile decorating her face.

“Reverend Mother-” Pastry began, but silenced herself as the abbess held up a hand.

“This heresy -!” another nun began, though the cookies beside her hushed her.

A nun in black robes that Almond had not noticed before stood up at the other end of the table.

“Reverend Mother, you have but to say the word, and I will do as you command.”

“There’ll be no need for that, prioress,” Reverend Mother Cookie assured. The darkly dressed cookie bowed and returned to her seat. Almond noted, somewhat disconcertingly, that several masked figures had appeared at each doorway. Walnut’s faux pas might have put them in significantly more danger than he had anticipated.

“I’m afraid we do not allow such words to be spoken within our walls,” the abbess said.

“I’m sorry for our intrusion,” Almond apologized. “We will gladly leave.”

“Oh, no no no,” the abbess shook her head. “You will not be leaving.”

Walnut whimpered quietly.

“The two of you will be coming with me,” she continued to explain as she rose from her seat. “You as well, Pastry Cookie.”

“Y-yes, Reverend Mother.”

The four cookies left the room, escorted by the masked figures that had appeared at some point during the meal. The abbess led them onto a large terrace. The architecture gave the appearance as if the building itself had opened up to the sky. At the other end of the terrace was a platform reminiscent of an altar, on top of which sat a metal tray.

The four masked cookies split to guard the exits as the abbess spoke.

“I would like to offer you a choice. Join us, and devote your lives to the Order, or offer yourselves up to Divine Judgement.”

“Divine Judgement?” Walnut asked nervously.

“Reverend Mother, have mercy on them. She is but a child,” Pastry pleaded.

“It is simply a trial of faith,” the abbess assured. “Those of pure heart and dough have nothing to fear.”

“Dad?” Walnut whispered. “What should we do?”

“I don’t like any of this,” Almond responded. “Just, go along with it until we find a way out of this, okay? Hopefully whatever this ritual is is quick so we can get it over with.”

He looked back to the Abbess.

“We’ll do this ritual of Divine… Judgement.” 

Pastry Cookie frowned.

“Reverend Mother…”

“They have made their choice,” Reverend Mother Cookie announced. “We will begin preparations at once. Pastry Cookie, please lead them to their place.”

“Yes, of course.”

Pastry Cookie led the two of them to the platform at the other end of the terrace and instructed them to sit on the large metal tray. The abbess went into a room to the side of the terrace and returned with a steaming thurible that began to fill the air with a rich, sweet smell. She began to chant as she circled the platform, waving the thurible through the air to waft the scent further.

“That smells really good,” Walnut whispered. Almond nodded but put a hand on her to be quiet.

“It is best if you kneel,” Pastry suggested. The two of them obeyed.
Reverend Mother Cookie hung the thurible from a stand in front of the platform and made the same fork-shaped gesture with her hand that the two of them had witnessed Pastry make earlier. Pastry repeated the gesture.

“Great Witches, we humbly request for you to grace us with your Presence, and to share your great Wisdom. Show us your Will, so that we may know the fate of the two cookies who have disgraced your name.”

“Great Witches, please,” Pastry murmured in prayer next to the platform. “Have mercy on them. Have mercy on us. Spare them from your holy feast…”

“Feast!?” Almond stood up and leaped off of the platform, causing Pastry Cookie to flinch and Walnut Cookie to get up after him.

“You’re trying to feed us to the Witches! Are you insane!? ”

The abbess frowned.

“Do not let them leave,” she ordered, as several more guards appeared and came towards the Altar.

“It’s a sacrificial altar!” Walnut realized with horror.

“We’re leaving, for real this time,” Almond said as he grabbed Walnut by the wrist and tried to weave around the approaching guards. He tried to fight several off as he felt Walnut slip from his grasp. She let out a yelp but pulled out the bottle of hot sauce from her jacket pocket and squirted the condiment into the guard’s face. He let out a cry of pain and staggered back.

Almond turned back towards the guards after him and began fending them off, though he regretted not brushing up on his self defense training lately.

“Dad!” Walnut cried out behind him. He turned around to see his daughter struggling in the grips of a guard, a silver dagger pointed at her neck.

“Surrender now! We are not so merciful as the Witches!” The guard hissed.

Almond stood still for a moment, looking into his daughter’s eyes and seeing the fear behind them. He sighed and lifted his hands above his head.

“Okay, okay. I surrender.”

“Check their coats!” the Abbess instructed as two guards grabbed Almond forcefully.

“Kneel,” a guard ordered, forcing them onto the ground. Another guard began to rummage through their pockets, removing the radios, notepads, map, keys.

“Handcuffs?” Reverend Mother Cookie noticed. “That is rather convenient.”

Almond growled.

“Tie the girl up. Use those handcuffs on her father. Tie him up as well, and tie him up in that absurd coat too, for good measure.”

The guards led them back to the altar before tying them up and forcing them onto the tray. The abbess turned her attention towards Pastry Cookie.

“How is it, now, that newcomers into our church knew of some of our most closely held secrets?”

“Reverend Mother, I told them nothing! They only asked about Soulstones!”

“My dad saw a cookie get eaten by a human! And some cookies told us that they saw a witch eat a cookie!” Walnut offered.

“Regardless,” the abbess continued. “Perhaps it is time for you to pass a test of faith.”

“I…yes, mother.”

Pastry Cookie bowed and approached the altar. She hesitated as if she was planning to join them on the tray, but instead turned around to face the others.

“There is no room, Reverend Mother.”

“That is no matter. Stay there, we will resume the ritual.”

The abbess continued to chant, though she and the guards began to back away as the church bells began to ring.

“She didn’t do anything wrong,” Walnut muttered. “We’re all gonna get eaten. And it’s…my fault.”

“Kiddo, don’t beat yourself up about this. Neither of us knew this could happen. But as long as we’re alive, we’ve got a fighting chance.”

“But how much longer are we gonna be alive?” Walnut whimpered.

Before he could answer, the air was filled with a deafening creak. Almond could feel Walnut tense up behind him.

“Dad…it’s- the big wall. The gate just opened.”

“Everything’s gonna be ok, kiddo,” Almond reassured, grabbing her hand.

A low boom shook the ground, followed by another. Walnut whimpered again. Almond tried to adjust himself so that he could look in the direction she was facing, but was unsuccessful.
Each thud grew louder.

“The…Witch… is getting closer,” Walnut whispered, shivering. Almond could hear Pastry Cookie quietly praying.

The thudding stopped as the sunlight on the terrace suddenly disappeared. Almond turned his head, slowly looking upward as his eyes revealed the towering hooded figure. He was unable to see the creature’s face behind the shadow cast by the hood.

A massive, robed arm came out from the figure, a clawed hand extending forward to grab the handle of the tray. A yelp from Walnut told Almond that there was likely a hand grabbing her side of the tray as well. They were lifted in the air, stopping just above level with the figure’s chest.

“Please don’t eat us, please don’t eat us,” Walnut pleaded quietly beside him. He glanced down to see Pastry Cookie still praying on the terrace.

The figure slid one hand underneath the tray before pulling the other hand away. After a moment, what seemed like a thick mist descended onto the tray. Almond began to feel groggy. As much as he willed himself awake, he felt himself slowly drift into unconsciousness.

Chapter Text

Almond groaned as he woke up. He felt unsteady, his thoughts foggy, likely a side effect from whatever mist or spell had put them to sleep.

He felt some relief on still being alive, but that relief started to fade as he realized where they were. The room was not as bare as it had been the previous day, but it was still unmistakeable; the tall, wide door, the round exit to the slide-like structure.
It wasn’t a witch who had taken them; it was the human.

The room had been furnished with two unusual and lumpy mattresses, one on which Walnut was still resting. At the other side of the room stood a table, on top of which had been placed a tray of jellies and a mug of beverage that was presumably coffee, though the smell was not quite right. By the wide door stood a coat hanger that neatly displayed Almond’s coat. He approached and felt the pockets. His handcuffs had been returned, which brought him some relief, despite knowing they would be useless on the human. They were the only item in his belongings that had been returned.

He noted that his wrists had been scraped and were rather sore, as if the human had forcefully removed the cuffs. While unpleasant, the discomfort was manageable.
Almond turned towards the table and examined the coffee. The beverage was just over room temperature, and smelled somewhat spicy. He figured the human would not have poisoned it, as she either wanted them alive or edible, so he took the risk and had a sip. He winced and nearly spat the beverage out. It was coffee, presumably, but with an odd tart spiciness that caught him off-guard. He took smaller sips and eventually acclimated himself to the flavor, though he would have preferred a normal coffee to whatever he was drinking. He turned around to look at Walnut, who was still asleep. He started to understand what Purple Yam Cookie had said earlier that week, that something had “made” him sleep on the night the Soulstones were stolen.

He decided to let his daughter rest while he tried to figure out what they could do. He knew that even if they found a way to open the door, they’d still be stuck on the human’s desk. No cookie could survive a fall from a height like that without significant injury. And without the ability to make a portal back home, they would have nowhere to go but to hide.
He didn’t like feeling helpless. Or small. He especially didn’t like Walnut being in the same level of danger as him.

“What’s that human up to?” Almond muttered to himself. He glanced down as Walnut started to stir.

“Mmph…morning-” Walnut muttered groggily. “I think I had a dream last night where we… ...where are we?”

She sat up and rubbed her eyes.

“Did that thing with the church, and the witch, really happen? Are we dead?”

“That wasn’t a dream, kiddo, but we aren’t dead yet.”

“So the witch really took us away?” Walnut asked as she stifled a yawn.

“Well, turns out that ‘witch’ was actually the human. This room is the same glorified box Caprese kept me in.”

“So we got captured by the human? I guess that’s better than getting eaten...” She looked down to think before glancing around the room.

“We’re not in the clear yet,” Almond pointed out. “I don’t know what the human’s planning to do with us, but I don’t think I’ll like it.”

Walnut got up from the mattress and came over to the table, perking up when she spotted the plate of jellies.

“Don’t eat too many of those, kiddo,” Almond cautioned. “She still might be trying to sweeten us up.”

“If we’re stuck here, we might as well eat,” Walnut argued before grabbing a jelly to eat, nibbling hungrily.

“We need to have a talk, kiddo,” Almond said sternly. “If we get out of this mess alive, we’re gonna need to address the listening issue you’ve got. I told ya several times not to bring up the Witches and to let me do the talking, and you directly disobeyed me and nearly got us and that nun killed.”

“I thought they didn’t know, though!” Walnut argued back. “I thought if I warned them, they could avoid getting eaten.”

“Well, apparently they knew that full well, but didn’t take too kindly to outsiders knowing.”

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

“Sorry's not gonna be enough to save us from that human.” Almond looked down at the floor.

“I know… it’s just, you always remind me how little I am, how I’m young, and maybe don’t know what I’m doing, but I feel like, sometimes you have to take risks in order to solve a case,” Walnut replied. “And I know that it worries you, but-”

“It does worry me. It worries me when you go off without telling me, it worries me when you put yourself in danger for the sake of a case. I don’t want ya risking your dough for this stuff. As your dad, it’s my job to protect you, but the human…is not something I can really protect you from. I couldn’t even protect ya from a group of angry nuns!”

“They did have knives,” Walnut offered lightheartedly. Almond smiled slightly before frowning again.

“We’re kind of at the human’s mercy right now, kid. We can’t get back home without a portal.”

“What if Wizard Cookie makes a portal again?”

“We don’t have our radios, and wherever we are is too far away for them to work, anyways,” Almond explained, shaking his head.

“Then I guess we’ll have to talk to the human!” Walnut concluded. “I mean, she has to make a portal in order for us to get home, right? We have to convince her to let us go.”

“I guess ya have a point, kid.”

There was a metallic grating noise, followed by thudding footfalls.

“Do I hear little cookie voices in that box?” Caprese cooed from outside. There was a muffled thud that Almond presumed was the human sitting down in a large chair. As Almond glanced up, he realized that there was a security camera on the ceiling. He hadn’t noticed it before, but it had probably been there the day prior.

“Did you guys like the little mattresses I made?” the human asked. “I made ‘em out of cornstarch packing peanuts and toothpicks.”

“They were… adequate,” Almond responded.

“How long were we asleep?” Walnut asked.

“No idea, I have a terrible sense of time, especially when time dilation is a factor,” Caprese answered.

“Time dilation?”

“Yea, time does some funky stuff in space, gets even weirder when you get the multiverse involved. But I’d guess you two were asleep for like at least 30 min, maybe a couple hours at most.”

“The hell is in this coffee?” Almond asked, still taking slow sips.

“Oh, yea. It’s not exactly coffee, but it’s similar. They make it out of these alien peppercorn things, so it’s a little spicy, but it tastes like coffee and has caffeine in it.”

“Alien? Are we in space?” Walnut asked.

“Yea.”

“Woah...”

“Why does that not surprise me at this point?” Almond muttered. “Is it hard to get normal bean coffee in space?”

“It’s kinda hard to get a lot of normal human food in space,” Caprese admitted. “Especially when there’s not a ton of other humans around. Usually have to sneak through a portal to get a decent snack.”

“Not a lot of other humans around, eh? I suppose that’s good news for us cookies,” Almond noted. “Why don’t we start filling in some of the gaps in this investigation, though.”

Caprese made an affirmative hum.

“What were you doing at the witch’s house?” Almond asked.

“I’d ask you the same question, honestly,” Caprese responded. “You’re lucky I noticed you two before the witch did.” 

Almond frowned at the non-answer. He couldn't tell at this point if Caprese was dodging the question intentionally, but he hoped the human would be more open to questions now that they knew what she was.

“Caprese Cookie, er, Caprese Human, you’re alive, which means what my dad said is true…” Walnut began. “That you’re a human, one who eats cookies.”

“Human names don’t work like that, just call me Caprese,” Caprese giggled. “But, yea, it’s true...”

“But those poor cookies….why would you eat them!?”

“I was hungry. And they tasted good… Look, it’s pretty normal for humans to eat cookies, alive or not.”

“But you didn’t come here to eat cookies, right? You were here to research, like at the library.”

“Yea.”

“If we help you do the research, will you stop eating cookies?”

“Tch. Your dad’s gotten in the way of my research enough as it is. I’m not just gonna cut cookies from my diet so you get nicer dreams. I’ve already mitigated the damage I could potentially cause by a ton.”

“How many cookies have you eaten at this point?” Almond asked sternly. “You said fifteen yesterday morning.”

“It’s probably closer to twenty, now…”

Almond groaned. Walnut shuddered.

“What if we gave you something to eat besides cookies?” Walnut offered. “There’s a pizza place that sells these really good mint choco icecream pizzas. We could try to get them to make you a really big one!”

The human was silent for a moment.

“Oh… little …”

“...what?”

“Do you realize what ice cream pizzas are made out of?”

“W-what?” Walnut asked hesitantly.

“The pizza dough on those. That’s cookie dough, sweetie…”

“....oh…”

Walnut stared at the floor as she tried to process this new information.

“ OH. ”

Almond could see that she was starting to panic.

“Oh no no no ! That means that- the mint choco pizza…. DOES taste like Mint Choco Cookie!” She shuddered. “Dad, that means I ate cookie dough… and, we do … taste… good...”

“Did ya really have to tell her something like that!?” Almond growled. “Poor kid’s freaked out as it is!”

“She’s the one who brought it up! And it’s not like anyone was killed to make that pizza, they don’t use life powder in it!” Caprese argued defensively.

“I think I should sit down…” Walnut muttered before flopping down onto one of the mattresses. She stared at the ceiling for a few moments. “Well, I guess we know why humans like to eat us…”

Almond sighed.

“Kiddo, it doesn’t matter what we taste like, it matters that the human wants to eat us.”

“Oh, but how you taste is a big factor in how much I want to eat you,” Caprese teased. Almond frowned.

“Ok, well, you wouldn’t want to be eaten, right?” Walnut asked. “Think about how all the cookies you eat feel!”

Caprese was silent for a moment before groaning.

“Now I know how that idiot feels. That lupent never leaves me alone.”

“The what?”

“I’m not even eating anyone, like, permanently, besides those three when I first started. Dreams are not that big of a deal, you get used to it.”

Almond thought for a moment. Something about what the human said jogged his memory.

“Walnut, who were the cookies on your list, the ones with weird dreams?”

“Oh, uh, I think it was Custard III, Pure Vanilla Cookie, Mint Choco and Cocoa Cookie, Espresso Cookie, you, technically, me, technically, and…” She paused, trying to remember without her notepad. She glanced up as she remembered. “And Caprese! ”

Almond nodded, the connection being made, but decided to go down the list in order.

“Custard Cookie III had a dream of being eaten by a cookievorous monster on the same night the vault was broken into. Did you eat this cookie?”

“Yes…”

Almond grimaced.

“Espresso Cookie had a dream about milk that significantly bothered him. Did you eat this cookie?”

“Yea.”

“And why was there milk in his dream?”

“Humans like to eat cookies with milk, especially bitter coffee-flavored ones. Helped balance out the flavor.”

“Did you eat Mint Choco Cookie and Cocoa Cookie?”

“Yes.”

“Pure Vanilla Cookie?”

“Also yes.”

“And how many times have you eaten me?”

“Twice…”

Almond paused to think. He paced to the other side of the room before turning around.

“But you’ve had some odd dreams yourself, haven’t ya? Getting eaten by… dragons, you said?”

“Uh, yeah, but… those aren’t always dreams…”

Walnut perked up.

“The human’s gotten eaten too!” Walnut concluded. “But how do you survive getting eaten? And how big does something have to be to eat a human!?”

“Depends on your perspective whether this is ‘lucky’ or not, but I seem to always get caught by predators that don’t know how to chew their food.” Caprese laughed nervously before groaning again. “In some ways, it's nice to be in a universe where I’m at the top of the food chain.”

“Didn’t you say that dragons are smaller than humans?” Almond inquired.

“Well, on Earthbread they are,” Caprese clarified. “Not so much when you look at the multiverse as a whole. And there’s stuff out there besides dragons.”

Walnut took a deep breath.

“Ok, I think I understand why you ate so many cookies. You miss the food you used to have at home, but because you’re a human, that food includes cookies. You like how we taste, but you don’t want to hurt us if you can help it. That’s why my dad is still alive even though you’ve eaten him twice, because of whatever magic thing you’re doing.”

“Kiddo, did you forget the fact that three cookies are dead, permanently, because of Caprese?” Almond reminded.

“It’s not like I did that intentionally! ” Caprese argued. “I wasn’t planning on keeping your timeline around at first, was just gonna reset it, but by the time I changed my mind on that, it was too late to do any quantum shenanigans to bring them back.”

Walnut nodded quietly for a moment before looking at Almond.

“Dad, you’re not gonna like this, but... I kinda wanna see the human.”

“Good idea,” Caprese said before Almond could respond. “I’m getting tired of talking to a box.”

The wide door slid open. Walnut approached the opening cautiously.

“Walnut Cookie,” Almond warned. “If you step outside, there’s nothing I can do to protect you from that thing.”

“What else are we gonna do, then? Stay inside this box? We can’t go home without the human’s help!”

Almond sighed. His daughter was right. There was no way to get back home without a portal, and the human was the most likely to give them one, though interacting with Caprese came with a high enough risk of getting eaten to make any attempts extremely risky. But Walnut had spent more time with Caprese's cookie form; she'd likely have more success negotiating than he would.

“Please, be careful!” he pleaded.

Walnut quietly walked to the exit and peeked her head out, looking around at the outside somewhat confused before taking several steps further outside the threshold.

“Where is she? I don’t see-” Walnut froze as she turned back towards the room, her eyes fixing on a point high above, her face a mix of awe and terror as a large shadow appeared on the desk. She moved as if she was ready to go back inside, but the door slid shut before either of them could react.

“Dad!” Walnut’s panicked voice came from the other side of the wall. He rushed over as he heard her hands knocking on the door.

“I’m right here, kiddo! Just gotta figure out a way to open it.”

He felt his hand along the base of the door, but before he could make any attempt to get through, the room shook as Walnut let out a terrified shriek. Almond felt as if his jam had turned to ice. Not knowing precisely what was going on outside the room filled him with a sudden dread. The thought of his daughter disappearing into the human’s jaws was enough to shake him to his senses as he worked on a way to get through the door.

Chapter Text

The door moved slightly against his hand, meaning that it was probably light enough for him to lift. The issue then, was the fact that the door did not have a handle; he needed leverage to make it budge. He frantically searched the room for something useful; a toothpick from the mattress, perhaps? He considered this for a moment before glancing at the handcuffs sticking out of his coat pocket. The tips of them were sharp, potentially sharp enough to pierce through the door. He threw on his coat, pulled out the cuffs, and plunged the sharp side of each end into the cardboard door. He winced from his still-sore wrists, but was able to pry the door far enough open to fit his leg into the gap. He grabbed the edge of the door with his hand and removed the makeshift handle with the other, putting the cuffs back into his pocket before hoisting the door over his head and throwing himself outside. The door slammed shut behind him.

He pulled himself to his feet, panting, and looked up at the human looming over the desk. His heart skipped a beat as he searched for Walnut, but he finally took a deep breath as he noticed the human’s cupped hands, the tip of Walnut’s hat sticking out over one of the human’s thumbs.

“Caprese! Put Walnut down, now!” he begged.

“But she’s so holdable! ” Caprese chirped. “Just the widdlest, smallest…” she trailed off into incomprehensible burbling.

Walnut wriggled up enough for Almond to see more of her hat.

“Walnut! Are you ok?”

She pulled herself up to peek down at him from over the human’s fingers.

“I’m okay!” She responded shakily. “...physically.”

Almond continued to watch helplessly from below. He hoped Walnut’s plan would work, and that the human wasn’t hungry enough to eat his daughter.

“You are so small!” Caprese cooed.

“And, you’re- you’re so big!” Walnut stammered. “My dad was right, you… could eat me in one bite…”

“Oh, yes, I could eat you right up!” the human cooed.

“...please don’t,” Walnut added.

“Oh, you’re too cute for that,” Caprese assured. “Just ‘cause I could, doesn't mean I’m gonna.”

Walnut seemed to relax slightly, but was clearly still shaken and apprehensive. Almond racked his mind for something he could do about the human, or anything he could do to at least get Walnut back onto the desk.

“Are humans made of jelly?” Walnut asked before Almond could come up with a plan. “You’re really squishy.”

Caprese seemed to stifle a laugh.

“That's kind of a complicated question. Humans are made out of a whole bunch of things.” 

“Proteins, perhaps?” Almond suggested.

“I, yes, partially,” Caprese confirmed. “How did you-?”

“Our flourensics team found a substance at the scene of the crime that was primarily composed of protein.”

“Ew. That was probably dust, or dandruff…” Caprese suggested, wincing slightly in disgust.

“Your teeth don’t look as sharp as I thought they would be,” Walnut observed warily. “All the pictures I’ve seen of cookievorous monsters, they have these big pointy teeth.”

“Well, pointy teeth are better for grabbing and tearing,” Caprese explained. “Blunt, flatter teeth are better, for, well, crunching…”

“Oh…” Walnut muttered.

“Would ya stop telling her things like that!” Almond groaned from the desk. “It was bad enough to tell her the mint choco pizza had cookie dough in it!”

“You get mad at me for not telling you everything, and then you get mad at me for telling you everything. You’re a hard cookie to please, my guy.”

“Why don’t ya tell me more about what we want to know, then!?” Almond retorted. “Just because we know what ya did doesn’t make us finished with our investigation!”

Walnut gasped as Caprese flipped her into her left hand. The human used her free right hand to scoop up Almond despite his attempt to dodge. He grunted but knew well enough that the human’s grip was stronger than he was.

“What are ya gonna do?” Almond growled. “Eat me in front of my daughter!?”

“Eesh,” Caprese responded. “I’m hungry, not heartless.”

The human blew into Almond’s face and giggled at his look of disgust.

“You find this all amusing, don’t ya?” Almond asked, more annoyed at this point than he was scared.

“I just can’t take you seriously when you’re so tiny,” she cooed. “You’re a tiny, angry man.”

“Would you, at the very least, put us back on the desk?”

“My neck’s getting tired from looking down. Lemme at least hold you two for a few minutes.”

Almond sighed, and decided he would play along for now, or at least try to ignore the fact he and his daughter were currently being held what felt like half a meter above the desk. He hoped Walnut wasn’t afraid of heights, but that seemed like the least of their worries at present. He needed to ask questions quickly, to ask them as soon as they crossed his mind. At the present moment, he noticed that someone was missing who had been there the day before.

“What happened to the cookie you were holding captive? Strawberry Crepe Cookie, I believe their name was?”

“Oh, I let a friend borrow them.” The human shrugged dismissively.

“A friend? Are ya sure this friend of yours wouldn’t eat them?”

“My friend’s a robot, so… he got no mouth.”

“Do you have any intention of releasing Strawberry Crepe Cookie back to Earthbread?”

“I’d consider it, but they don’t seem to mind being here. Doesn’t make a big difference to me.”

“Do you have any intention of returning the soulstones you’ve stolen?” Almond continued. “Surely you’ve finished whatever research you needed them for by now.”

“Why do you need them back, anyways?” Caprese grumbled. “Cookies can’t do anything with them.”

“Items have value beyond utility,” Almond said as he narrowed his eyes.

“Fine, whatever, you can have them back.” The human placed the two cookies back onto the desk. She reached for a container on a shelf to her left and popped off the lid, pouring 5 stones onto the desktop in front of them.

“Five?” Almond asked as he counted the soulstones. “You stole eight.”

Caprese shrugged.

“I took a handful and then I took another two. I never counted them, but I returned all the ones I used to that container. Though, I do feel like there were more…”

“You’re trying to tell me you simply lost three soulstones?”

“Hey, I’m just telling you what I know. I might leave information out sometimes, sure, but I don’t like to lie.”

“Hmm,” Walnut muttered. “Is it possible those three soulstones got stolen again after getting stolen the first time?”

“Ya got a culprit in mind?” Almond asked. Walnut nodded.

“The cookie who’s been making those portals. They stole our ice cream, and one of the scanners, and they replaced the coffee with decaf. If they can make portals, they could probably get here and steal the human’s stuff, too.” She turned towards Caprese.

“Have you seen a big, round, yellow cookie? With a big hat on?”

“....was it a top hat?”

“Yea!”

“Oh please God no,” the human groaned.

“I’ll take that groan as a yes,” Almond decided aloud. “What do you know about that cookie?”

Caprese pushed her chair away from the desk before standing up and rubbing a hand down her face.

“God I hate time travelers.”

“Time travelers!?” Walnut asked excitedly.

“They always either got some, like, moral superiority complex, or are just completely unhinged! And time travel makes everything so confusing, and complicated, and if you screw something up, who knows what will happen! Could get stuck in a timeloop! Or worse!”

“Explain to me again how whatever you’re doing with timelines and time -dilation? Is different from time travel,” Almond requested.

“Alright, so the multiverse works as if you’re playing a game and flipping a coin, but each time you flip the coin, you get two different game boards and two different outcomes. Time travel is like going back to a previous coin flip, and changing that outcome, which not only changes that timeline, but which could potentially change every other timeline down those forked branches! And what makes it worse is that not every universe reacts to time travel the same way! Sometimes, going back in time just makes a new branch, and doesn’t affect any other branches. Sometimes it deletes all the affected branches and replaces them with the new timeline. And sometimes the time travel triggers a massive timeloop that everyone’s stuck in until the timeline stabilizes!”

“And this cookie, this time traveler, you’ve seen them before then, yes?”

“They keep stealing my pens!” Caprese grumbled. “My good ones, too!”

“How do you catch a time traveler?” Walnut thought aloud. “Caprese was able to catch us, but even she’s had trouble with that cookie!”

“Hard to catch someone who can just disappear, worse if they can go back in time and stop ya from existing,” Almond added.

“Maybe with the human’s help? The human might not be able to time-travel, but she can make portals!”

“I’m gonna pass on that,” Caprese grumbled. “I’m not going on a wild ball-chase.”

“Regardless,” Almond said. “We’ll be confiscating the stolen property.”

He grabbed three of the soulstones and placed them into his coat pockets. Walnut grabbed the last two, but didn’t have pockets large enough to put them away, so she stood with the items in her hand awkwardly for a moment.

“Dad, wait,” Walnut said as she examined the stones in her hand. “The soulstones that were stolen, they weren’t for a specific cookie, right?”

“That’s correct, yes.”

“Ok, 'cause the books I was reading in the library, they said that soulstones look different depending on if they’re for a specific cookie or not. They’re supposed to be white or clear if they’re not for a specific cookie, and they’re not supposed to smell like anything.”

Almond looked closer at the two stones in Walnut’s hands.

“See, this one’s more brown with white on it, and it smells like chocolate,” Walnut continued, lifting up her right hand. “But this one is more greenish, and it smells like mint.”

“Cocoa and Mint Choco Cookie,” Almond inferred. He pulled the rest of the stones out of his pockets and placed them back onto the desk. One was a pale yellow, another a deep, rich brown. The third stone was more of a dull, beige color.

“That one smells like coffee,” Walnut said, pointing to the dark brown soulstone. “And this one smells like vanilla ice cream.” She pointed to the yellow stone.

Almond picked up the beige soulstone. It lacked a scent and seemed less polished than the other four. Almond felt he knew which cookie corresponded to the stone.

“Simple deduction says this one’s mine.”

“Pure Vanilla Cookie, Espresso Cookie, Cocoa Cookie, Mint Choco Cookie,” Walnut said, pointing to the stones in order.

“And Almond Cookie,” Almond finished, putting the soulstone back with the others.

“Five of the cookies Caprese ate,” Walnut inferred. “The soulstones get charged…when a cookie gets eaten.”

“That would explain that room full of soulstones at the convent,” Almond noted.

“The witches ate all those cookies…” Walnut continued, growing silent for a moment.

Almond picked up his soulstone and turned to Caprese.

“If I’ve got this straight, this rock here’s got a piece of my soul in it from the times you’ve eaten me. I could then use this to make myself stronger, or even bake a copy of myself?”

“I think so?” Caprese responded. “There’s like a special oven the witches use to upgrade cookies like that, I believe. Just put the cookie and the soulstones in together. And I think if you put soulstones in the raw dough, it’ll turn into the cookie when you bake it.”

“Didn’t you eat Custard Cookie III? Why doesn’t he have a soulstone?” Walnut asked.

“She ate him before she stole the soulstones, correct?” Almond responded, looking to Caprese for confirmation.

“Yea…” Caprese confirmed.

“And the only reason you stole the soulstones was to study them?” Almond continued.

“Yep.”

Almond thought for a moment.

“I’ll still need to impound the soulstones as evidence. We’ll take the stones back to basecamp, if you’d be… kind enough to give us a portal home.”

Caprese shrugged as Almond began to place the soulstones back into his pockets. As he reached for the last stone, a voice he did not recognize broke the silence.

“Oh, how boring! ”

Chapter Text

“...Oh no,” Caprese whined.

“Who’s there?” Walnut asked, glancing around the human’s room for the source of the voice.

“Who indeed!” the voice responded from a different direction.

“Enough games! Show yourself!” Almond ordered.

“Tsk. You are no fun! You have not even bothered to solve my puzzle!”

“What puzzle?” Walnut asked. “The case?”

“Oh no, not that, silly.” The voice seemed to fade in and out as it drifted across the room. “Disappointing, really. You’d think two detectives would be better at fitting all the pieces together. Or at least the human, she has all of the pieces in front of her!”

“I already looked for a way to fix it!” Caprese grumbled. “It doesn’t work! I can’t just un-eat someone! And I can’t just steal ‘em from another timeline, either!”

“Wait,” Walnut requested. “Are you talking about the missing cookies, the ones that got eaten, but permanently? Is there a way to bring them back!?”

“Aha! Now you’re getting warmer!”

“If they do anything to mess with the past, they’ll risk destroying their own timeline!” Caprese argued.

“Oh, but who said time travel was only for changing the past?” the voice chuckled. “Why not use the past to change the future?”

“Are you going to help us go back in time and do something to save the three cookies?” Walnut asked hopefully.

“Oh, no no. I would much rather watch. But I do know of some cookies who would be happy to offer their help.”

A loud electrical pop made the human and two cookies flinch. The room was silent for a moment.

“Who was tha-” Walnut flinched as she was cut off by a loud whirring noise.

“Frick!” Caprese yelped as she ducked to avoid getting hit as an object whizzed by her head, revealing a large portal that had opened up behind her.

The object spun across the room long enough for Almond to recognize several airplane-like features before it hurtled into the desk and crashed into an organizer cabinet. Bits of debris bounced off the desk past where the two cookies stood. Almond used his coat to shield Walnut from any stray shrapnel.

A groan came from the crashed vehicle, followed by a clank of metal.

“Ow…” a voice moaned from the rubble.

“Croissant Cookie!” another voice responded. “Are you alright!?”

“Well, the timecraft’s not!”

“What happened!?”

“Timekeeper Cookie’s the only one who knows how to hack the controls like that!”

“Do you need help?” Walnut asked, rushing towards the crash as the dust started to clear. Almond rushed after her.

Two cookies emerged from the haze. One pulled the other out from the wrecked vehicle, using what looked like a shotgun as leverage against the weight of the wreck. The other cookie wiggled free of the crash, pausing for a moment to untangle her loose sweatshirt from a jagged edge.

“Are you guys ok?” Walnut asked as she reached the crash. The cookie with the gun pointed the weapon at her cautiously.

“String Gummy Cookie, that’s a child!” the other cookie said in exasperation as she grabbed the barrel of the gun and pointed it down. She looked back at Walnut apologetically.

“Sorry about him.”

“Who are you guys?” Walnut asked. “You kind of literally came out of nowhere.”

“I’m Croissant Cookie!” Croissant explained. “And this is String Gummy Cookie. We work for the TBD.”

Croissant seemed uninjured by the crash, though her crescent-shaped ponytail appeared overbaked. The cookie with her, String Gummy, seemed uninjured as well, though he still kept an eye on Walnut warily before shifting his attention towards Almond as he approached.

“My name’s Walnut Cookie, and this is my dad, Almond Cookie.” Walnut said. ”What’s the TBD?”

“Time Balance Department,” Croissant explained as she rummaged through the wreck looking for something.

“Time Balance..? Can you guys time travel!?” Walnut asked excitedly. “We need help from cookies who can time travel!”

“Not without a functional timecraft!” Croissant remarked as she pulled a display screen and a wrench out from the debris. She wiped dust from the screen and did a double-take upon reading the numbers.

“...this is an annex timeline, the one connected to the timeline SGB warned us about! The one with the-” Croissant froze as she looked up and spotted Caprese.

“-human! ” Croissant squeaked.

“Get behind me!” String Gummy ordered as he pulled Walnut and Croissant to the other side of the damaged timecraft. Almond hurried to catch up as String Gummy advanced towards the human, shotgun drawn.

“Be careful!” String Gummy growled quietly at the other three cookies. “Humans are known to be cookievorous!”

Caprese let out an amused chirp and pulled her head down to eye level with the cookies.

“I’m a big scary human, yes,” she cooed, a playful grin on her face.

String Gummy aimed the shotgun at one of the human’s eyes and fired a bolt of candy into the human’s face.

“Ow!” Caprese yelped, flinching and putting a hand over her face. She paused for a moment.

“Y’know what, I deserved that, actually.”

She leaned back in her chair, rubbing her eye.

“I think we oughta fill each other in on some missing pieces, do a bit of catch-up,” Almond suggested to the other cookies. “If we can get all the details together on what each of us has dealt with, we’ll have a bigger picture on this human, and about whatever else is going on.”

“What details do you need?” Caprese muttered. “Edible time police came ‘cus of what I was doing with timelines. I ate one of ‘em, they panicked and took off, implied they were gonna go reset their timeline to bring the guy back to life.”

“They didn’t tell us that thing could talk,” String Gummy muttered.

“SGB banned travel to any timeline the human messed with to be safe,” Croissant explained.

“Who’s SGB?” Walnut asked.

“I told you not to call me that,” a cookie responded as he arrived onto the desk via portal.

“More importantly, I told you not to come here.”

“Well, what else am I supposed to call you!?” Croissant asked as the cookie approached. “String Gummy Cookie #1 and String-Gummy-Cookie-But-A-Human-Ate-Some-Of-His-Hair?”

Almond glanced between the two nearly identical cookies. The String Gummy who had arrived with Croissant had a single thick strand of hair covering his face. The doppelganger who had just arrived instead had a torn strand of gummy bangs that hung out awkwardly from above his mask.

“Fine then, call me SGB for now, but I’m not going to tolerate that name for long,” the second String Gummy permitted. “You shouldn’t be in this timeline.”

“Tell that to Timekeeper Cookie!” Croissant argued. “She’s the one who got us stranded here!”

“Two of you…” Caprese muttered from behind them, quietly smacking her lips, though Almond seemed to be the only cookie to hear. He tried to ignore the chill that ran down his back.

“All four of you need to evacuate this timeline immediately!” SGB ordered, gesturing to the wormhole he had traveled through. “Croissant Cookie, I’ve had to watch you disappear twice already. I am not going to allow you to stay in a timeline where you could get eaten or be forced to reset the timeline again!”

“What about the timecraft?”

“Leave it. We can build another one. Now hurry before the portal-” he frowned as the portal closed behind him with an electrical pop.

“...closes…” he finished.

Caprese almost immediately took an opportunity to pounce on the cookie. SGB slid to dodge the human’s hands but tripped while maneuvering over the human’s fingers. In an instant, he was pinned down. He fumbled for the shotgun as the human fumbled to get a tighter grip.

“Let go of him!” Croissant pleaded, running towards the restrained cookie.

“Get back!” SGB warned, still fighting the hands. “You can’t fight it off, you’ll only get hurt!”

Croissant hesitated as Caprese pulled SGB away from the table.

“You erased that timeline but you’re still here, huh?” Caprese asked the captive cookie. He shot an icy glare at the human. Almond couldn’t help but be impressed by the cookie’s bravery.

“Fine then, eat me. Get it over with. If sacrificing myself is going to increase Croissant Cookie’s and the others’ chances of survival, so be it.”

“String Gummy Cookie!” Croissant called from the table. He frowned and averted his eyes.

“Go. Hide. Find somewhere safe for you and those cookies. Find a way back to the TBD.”

“I thought you’d be more…resistant…to this,” Caprese muttered. She paused for a moment, then shrugged. She pulled off the cookie’s shoulder pad, mask and gauntlet, then opened her mouth.

“Wait!” Croissant pleaded. The human froze, String Gummy’s doppelganger inches from her open mouth. She glanced between the two cookies awkwardly.

“Didn’t think that would work, actually…” Croissant muttered before looking back at the human.

“You don’t want to eat him! He…uh…hasn’t washed in like, weeks!”

Caprese raised an eyebrow.

“And he’s probably, like, really stale from all the uh…time travel! …That we do.”

“It would be really sad and scary if you ate him,” Walnut offered. 

“I don’t really want to watch myself get eaten…” the other String Gummy muttered.

Caprese hesitated, glancing between them. The human genuinely seemed conflicted.

“Oh, what is taking so long!?” A voice Almond recognized to be the one from earlier butted in. A portal appeared above the human’s head, pulsing with a disconcerting aura. A cookie with large, round, golden-yellow hair appeared as the portal zapped shut. Their massive hairdo was topped with an equally large hat adorned with gears and dials.

“Timekeeper Cookie!” Croissant scolded. “Why did you strand us here!? SGB’s gonna get eaten by that thing!”

Timekeeper faked a yawn before turning towards Caprese. 

“The human cannot make up her mind, hm? I know just how to fix that! Would hate to wait all day!”

She pulled a coin out from the ball of hair.

“Easy way to make a decision! Flip a coin! Heads, you take a bite of his head, tails, you let him high-tail it.”

“Timekeeper, we were trying to negotiate…” Croissant pointed out. Timekeeper shrugged.

“This is much faster! I am getting bored.”

Before Croissant could argue, they flipped the coin onto the table. It rolled for a moment before flopping to one side.

“Aha! Heads it is!” The cookie announced with an indifferent smile.

The other cookies frowned in a mix of disbelief and horror. Caprese still seemed confused but slowly started to bring the second String Gummy towards her mouth. She abruptly closed her mouth around his head as Timekeeper whipped around to stare at the human. Even Caprese seemed nervous now.

“Good, the human can follow directions,” Timekeeper cooed. “Hurry up, now. The sooner you have your snack, the quicker we can get all of this over with.”

She flipped out a sharp object that looked like a pair of golden scissors, spun the object in a circle in front of her, and promptly disappeared through a rift in time.

“Timekeeper… why? ” Croissant muttered.

String Gummy made a muffled sound from within the human’s mouth, his arms and legs still struggling to pull free from the monster's jaws. Croissant glanced up.

“Can you hear him…in there? Like, understand what he’s saying?”

Caprese nodded hesitantly before holding up a finger and leaving the room.

Croissant shuddered.

“We need to catch each other up while the human’s away,” Almond decided. “I take it that the human ate someone in whatever timeline you’re from and you had to go back in time to stop it.

“Yea, but I, well," Croissant stammered. "The version of me that did that ended up disappearing with the timeline.”

“But your friend who got eaten just now, he didn’t?”

“Yea, see, he’s not from a specific timeline, so I guess he doesn’t disappear if the timeline he was last in disappears.”

“I’ll be honest with ya. That cookie was a goner the moment he set foot on this desk. That human’s been messing with timelines just so she can duplicate cookies to eat. Two of the same cookie in her presence means one of ‘em’s doomed.”

“So you’re from the timeline she’s been using for that, huh?”

Almond nodded.

“Been tryin’ to understand that thing’s motives for like a week now. My kid thinks she’s here to research something, and that whatever timeline snacking she’s been doing is for our own good.”

“She seemed...hesitant to eat String Gummy Cookie.”

“I think she wants to eat us, but she doesn’t want to hurt us,” Walnut offered. “But, that’s kind of difficult.”

The door slid back open as Caprese reentered the room. Her mouth was stained a deep red the color of String Gummy’s clothing.

“Sorry. I figured you’d prefer if I ate him in the other room. Y’know, so you wouldn’t hear the…crunching.”

“You have… crumbs… all over your shirt,” Croissant mumbled.

“Oh, sorry,” Caprese apologized, brushing the remnants onto the floor.

There was another zapping noise as the round cookie reappeared.

“Ah, perfect, now we can get on with the rest of this!” Timekeeper said approvingly. She whipped past Caprese and flicked at the human’s hair.

“You’re a curious creature,” the cookie teased. Caprese grumbled.

“Timekeeper Cookie, be careful!” Croissant warned.

“Oh, she is harmless!” Timekeeper scoffed.

“Harmless!?” Croissant asked incredulously. “She just ate String Gummy Cookie!”

“Nonsense,” Timekeeper responded dismissively. “He is standing right beside you, is he not?”

“The other one!” Croissant clarified.

“Oh, but what do you need two for?”

Croissant groaned with frustration. The surviving String Gummy glared at the mysterious cookie.

“That thing would literally kill to eat any one of us!” String Gummy growled.

“He’s right, ma’am,” Almond added. “The human is unpredictable and dangerous. She’s eaten two kids and a cop, and that’s only considering our own timeline.”

Timekeeper tilted her head and sighed.

“No one ever takes me for my word. I suppose I will have to demonstrate!”

She whizzed over to Croissant and grabbed the cookie by the back of her tank top before taking the two of them off of the desk into the air.

“Ack! Hey! What are you doing!? Put me down!” Croissant yelped, trying to pull herself away from the cookie’s grip.

“If you insist!” Timekeeper responded playfully before dropping Croissant midair. She yelped as she fell, grunting as the human caught her in her hands. Croissant fumbled to turn herself around and let out a brief, nervous whimper.

“Timekeeper Cookie, do you want this thing to eat all of us!?” She asked with nervous exasperation. Timekeeper did not respond, though Caprese tilted her head and looked down at Croissant. Almond could sense String Gummy tense up beside him. Walnut seemed nervous as well, but not as frightened as Almond would have expected. She moved closer to Almond and stood up to tell him something.

“Caprese is looking at her the same sort of way she looked at me earlier,” Walnut whispered. “She looks curious, instead of hungry.”

Almond nodded but kept his attention on the human.

“You’re a fully-grown cookie, right?” Caprese asked, examining Croissant in her hand. “You seem smaller than average.”

“I- ow! I’m not that short!” Croissant defended, trying to push away the human’s fingers.

“Gotta do a size-comparison,” Caprese decided, turning back to the desk and reaching out a hand. The arm reached for Walnut, the hand getting between her and Almond and blocking his view. He could see enough of her legs to watch her attempt to avoid the grasp of the fingers, though he himself had to back away in order to avoid getting knocked over.

“I’m not gonna hurt you!” Caprese giggled. “Just let me pick you up before I accidentally smack your dad in the face with my wrist!”

She snatched Walnut in her hand and pulled the young cookie up to where she was holding Croissant. She held the two cookies next to each other to compare them before setting Walnut back down.

“Yea, you’re a lil bigger than the kid,” Caprese observed. “Not a ton bigger, though.”

“Admittedly, I’m …equal parts terrified and curious right now,” Croissant responded. “Trying to do the math in my head, but…for a creature so big, taking into account the square-cube law, the volume to mass ratio would be astronomically different compared to a cookie. A cookie that size would crumble under their own weight without extremely powerful magic. Whatever humans are made out of has gotta be really tough compared to cookie dough. And the energy requirements for a body that big! You’d need like, a megacalorie a day!”

“Actually, it’s more like two per day,” Caprese offered. “But we measure them in kilocalories. Two-thousand kcal a day.”

“Thaat kind of explains why you eat cookies…” Croissant noted nervously. “You’d need to eat several a day …”

“Well, humans need a more varied diet, we can’t just eat cookies,” Caprese explained. “But cookies taste…very good.”

Croissant paused for a moment to think, before looking back up at the human nervously.

“You ate String Gummy Cookie, but you’re not going to eat me, are you?”

Caprese shook her head slightly.

“You see?” Timekeeper pointed out to Croissant. “The human did not eat you.”

“That doesn’t prove anything!” String Gummy argued. “The human just ate me, she might just not be hungry!”

“I think I know what Timekeeper means by ‘harmless’,” Croissant announced. “The human definitely wants to eat us, but she’s not gonna eat us unless we’re from a timeline she’s cloned.”

“Very good!” Timekeeper congratulated, clapping her hands in silent applause. “But of course, the human has preferences, too. I have done a bit of observation, you see. There are some cookies she will not eat, regardless of the circumstances.”

“....you’ve watched her eat cookies, haven’t you?” Croissant muttered. Timekeeper smirked but did not answer the question, instead floating to the other side of the human.

“Regardless, you do see that this creature is rather harmless, yes?”

“Harmless?” Croissant argued. “She’s gotta be at least a hundred and fifty centimeters tall! Even if she wasn’t trying to eat cookies, she could crush someone by accident! ”

“And are we going to ignore everything happening on other timelines!?” String Gummy pointed out. “Even if we’re safe in this timeline, she’ll still eat us if we’re from a different one!”

“Dear,” Timekeeper responded patronizingly. “Must you concern yourself with the fates of every timeline?”

“My timeline is gone! And I had to watch the cookie who saved my life disappear, twice!” String Gummy argued. “I will protect every timeline I must to ensure that will never happen again!”

“It is quite fascinating, really,” Timekeeper mused. “For a human to have so many things in common with some of the cookies in this very room!”

“W-what?” Croissant sputtered. Caprese and the other cookies seemed surprised as well, though Caprese suddenly grew nervous. Almond looked to see Walnut’s reaction, but panicked as he realized he could not find her at all.

“Where is Walnut!?” Almond demanded. Timekeeper struggled to stifle a laugh. Almond swung around and glared.

“What did you do with my daughter!? ”

“Oh, she is quite safe, I assure you!” Timekeeper insisted dismissively.

“Timekeeper Cookie!” Croissant scolded. “You can’t just… do whatever it is you did? Kidnapping??”

“You’ve been impeding this investigation from the very beginning!” Almond accused. “Knocked me out cold by replacing the coffee with decaf, stole a magic scanner, ice cream, and now you’ve kidnapped my daughter!”

“Impede? Delay, perhaps, but timing is everything! I believe I’ve done an excellent job making sure your investigation has been perfectly on-schedule!”

Almond and String Gummy huffed in frustration.

“You let the human eat me!” String Gummy growled. “Was that part of your plan!?”

Timekeeper shrugged.

“The human does need to eat. She was rather convenient in disposing of that fugitive you were always hunting, no?”

“Fugitive?” Croissant thought aloud. “We haven’t had to deal with any… oh no. You did not! ”

“Did I?” Timekeeper asked slyly.

“DID YOU FEED TWIZZLY GUMMY COOKIE TO THE HUMAN?!? ” Croissant asked in disbelief.

“Oh, only one of her!” Timekeeper assured. “I sent all her alternates to a cozy little time rift!”

“You’re.. you’re insane!” Croissant breathed, both her gloved hands tightly holding the sides of her head. “What on Earthbread made you like this!?”

Caprese set Croissant back onto the desk before turning towards the spherically-haired cookie. Timekeeper smirked.

“Why don’t you give back all the stuff you’ve stolen, and the kid?” Caprese pressured, her hands poised to pounce on the floating cookie. “You’ve stolen like, how many of my pens?”

“Oh, what a dangerous predator!” They said sarcastically. “I must be in danger!”

They dodged a swipe from the human.

“You obnoxious ball of dough!” Caprese glowered, missing another swipe at the cookie.

“For once, I agree with the human,” Almond admitted. “I’m gonna need ya to return my daughter, along with every item you’ve stolen.”

Timekeeper sighed.

“If you insist!”

She flew above the desk, whirling the scissor-like object above her head as a temporal vortex began to form overhead. Almond felt uneasy as he looked up into the void above them, though when he glanced down at the two TBD agents, they seemed relatively unconcerned. This was understandable, Almond supposed, as they presumably dealt with tears in the fabric of space-time on a regular basis. Caprese seemed mildly annoyed at most.

After a moment, Almond realized that directly underneath the portal was a bad place to be. He hurried out of the way as a hail of random objects began raining onto the desk around them. He went to the other side of the box for cover, and found that the slide-like structure was visible from the outside. It was shaped like a shallow funnel, with a tube leading from the funnel to the box. He took this information in, but was more concerned with the falling objects and his daughter’s safety at the current moment. He glanced around to see Croissant and String Gummy running to avoid a cascade of coffee beans and human-scaled assorted writing implements. Finally, the portal closed, leaving a messy pile strewn across the desk.

Almond scanned across the piles and debris for any sign of his daughter. His heart skipped a beat as he noticed her hat alone on the desk. He rushed over to grab it before turning around.

“Walnut!?” He called. He turned as a pen rolled off a pile of debris. The pile shifted for a moment and groaned.

“Walnut!?” He called again, rushing towards the pile and tossing items off the top of it. Caprese helped disperse the pile with her hands, revealing a shaken but unharmed Walnut.

“Kiddo, are you okay?”

Walnut nodded. She stood up slowly from the pile before a grin appeared on her face.

“I found two of the missing soulstones! And the stuff we lost at the church!”

She triumphantly pulled two shiny, white rocks from the pile, but frowned for a moment as she tried to locate their things.

“And the soulstones, they’re not from a specific cookie,” She added, still searching for their stuff. “Timekeeper Cookie must have stolen them before Caprese ate anyone!”

Timekeeper watched them from above with a sly smile.

“Now you have all the pieces…but can you fit them together?”

Before any of them could clarify, Timekeeper made a surprised squeak as the human’s fingers grasped tightly onto the ball of hair.

“Get grabbed, idio-” Caprese began, cutting herself off as her victorious smirk slowly morphed into a look of confusion and disgust.

“Ew…are you covered in butter!? ”

“Of course!” Timekeeper responded with a smirk, slipping out of the human’s grip. “You think my hair stays this shiny on its own?”

“You greasy little time ball! Yuck!” Caprese shook her hand over the floor as she searched for something to wipe it off with.

“Stay still for a moment, will you?” Timekeeper persuaded as they floated over to the human’s greased hand. Caprese watched her, confused for a moment as the cookie approached.

Timekeeper gently put one hand on the human’s left thumb before pulling out the sonic embroider scissors with the other and abruptly stabbing the device into the human’s flesh. Caprese yelped and flung the cookie away before grasping her hand.

“AGH! The HELL was that for!?”

A red liquid began to drip from the cut.

“Human jam!” Walnut gasped.

“It’s called blood!” Caprese corrected, still wincing. “Ow! You… stupid-! Thanks, now I have butter and blood on my hand!”

She left the room, presumably to search for a first aid kit, as the cookies looked at Timekeeper incredulously. Timekeeper grinned as she examined the tip of the sonic embroider, a bead of red liquid dripping down the tip.

“Why did you-?” Croissant began, though Timekeeper had disappeared into a time rift before she could finish asking her question.

“...at least the human’s gone. For now…” Croissant muttered. She turned back towards the others.

“This just an average day of work for you?” Almond questioned lightheartedly.

“Sounds about right,” Croissant nodded with a groan.

“They made it sound like we could find a way to bring the missing cookies back to life,” Walnut said as she finished collecting their things. She placed Almond’s belongings in front of him as she returned the walkie-talkie and notepad to her pockets. Almond grabbed his own things and did the same.

“Well, we can’t go anywhere until the timecraft’s fixed,” Croissant thought aloud. “If I understand right, the human ate a few cookies in your timeline, and Timekeeper Cookie seems to think we can bring them back?”

“Caprese doesn’t seem to like the idea of using time travel,” Almond pointed out.

“Who is…? Caprese is the human?” Croissant asked. Almond nodded.

“I suppose that may not be her real name," Almond explained. "She had a method of entering our timeline in cookie-form, and went by the pseudonym ‘Caprese Cookie’.” 

“She was able to turn into a cookie?” Croissant thought aloud. “Is there any way we could turn her into one, like, permanently? It would prevent her from eating anyone else, unless she resorted to cannibalism, I guess.”

“Doubtful. She doesn’t transfigure into a cookie, it seems more that she baked a cookie form separately and controlled it remotely like a puppet.”

“Oh, that’s creepy,” Croissant shuddered. “She could hunt us without anycookie suspecting a thing.”

“I was suspicious of her from the beginning,” Almond responded. “Though I assumed she was a thief, not a monstrous creature from another world.”

“I’m terrifying,” Caprese teased as she reentered the room. Croissant gulped nervously.

“Hi…”

“Looks like the ball’s gone,” Caprese noted, gently holding her bandaged hand. “What did I miss?”

“They were talking about how scary you are!” Walnut offered, pointing towards Almond and Croissant. Almond frowned.

“I need to think out loud for a minute,” Croissant announced. “We need to fix the timecraft, but we also need to come up with a plan and figure out what on Earthbread Timekeeper Cookie was talking about.”

“Lemme take a look,” Caprese offered, gingerly grabbing the wrecked timecraft while trying not to hurt her injured hand. She pulled it closer to the edge so that it was easier for her to reach, then pulled off a loose piece before tossing it into her mouth.

“No, don’t eat it!” Croissant pleaded with exasperation.

“Relax, cookie,” Caprese responded. “I just need a taste to figure out what it’s made out of, what ingredients I’ll need to get you for spare parts.” 

“I…okay,” Croissant muttered.

“I’ll be right back,” Caprese announced after nibbling a few more pieces from the wreck. “Could you clear off a spot on the desk while I get the stuff we need, so we have room to work?”

The cookies nodded. Caprese reciprocated a nod before leaving the room.

“What should we do with all these pens?” Walnut asked, holding two large writing implements in either hand like large poles.

“It looks like there’s a little tray over there,” Croissant offered. “It’s shallow enough to reach, and if we toss the pens in, they won’t roll out.”

The other cookies agreed, and soon all four of them were working to fill the tray with pens.

“I can’t believe Timekeeper Cookie stole so many pens from the human,” Croissant noted.

“I can’t believe Caprese had so many pens!” Walnut responded. She paused as she grabbed another pen, noticing String Gummy as he pulled the damaged magic scanner towards the tray.

“The stolen scanner!” She realized. “The weird pole Timekeeper Cookie put in the ground, it was one of Caprese’s pens!”

“Let’s hope Tonic Cookie figures that out,” Almond responded. “If they do, it means they finally have enough evidence to prove that a human’s been involved.”

“Timekeeper Cookie really messed with you guys a lot, huh?” Croissant observed. “I always assumed she was more interested in messing with just us.”

“What’s that cookie want with ya, anyhow?” Almond asked.

“She…” Croissant paused. “She’s my responsibility.”

“It’s your job to stop her, huh?” Almond asked. “Time Balance Department, and all? Must be a full time job trying to reign in a cookie like that. She must enjoy taunting ya.”

“Um, yea. Sure,” Croissant agreed hesitantly. “It’s my responsibility to stop her.”

String Gummy gave her an odd look but said nothing.

Chapter Text

After a few minutes of clearing the desk, Caprese returned with a paper bag.

“You guys gotta move,” she requested, gesturing for the cookies to move to the edge of the desk as she set the bag down and began to remove the items inside.

“Alright, I got graham crackers, toffee, caramel, some miscellaneous candies, got some paper and pencil lead if you need to write or make blueprints or whatever, got a wax welding kit if you need to weld anything, but make sure the dial’s set to like 2 or 3 so that it’s calibrated to the materials you’re using, also you might need two cookies to hold the hot part steady.”

“This is… actually helpful,” Croissant admitted. “The welding tool’s kind of big, but with four of us, we should be able to make it work.”

“Might be able to bring that number up to six,” Caprese offered. “Just a second.”

The human walked over to a nearby workbench, on top of which sat a hollow, rectangular device and a laptop computer. She used the computer for a moment before the device beside it powered on. Almond tried to understand its purpose as components began to move within the object.

“Alright, while we’re waiting for the ‘DOP, imma go grab us some help,” Caprese announced before leaving the room.

“The ‘DOP’?” Walnut asked. “What is that?”

“Looks like a 3D printer,” Croissant observed. “You can make almost anything with them, if you’ve got the right ingredients and you’re patient enough.”

“Even a cookie?” Walnut asked, leaning over the edge of the desk to try to get a better look. Almond grabbed the back of her cloak to make sure she wouldn’t fall.

“Well, if you used cookie dough in the extruder, I suppose, yea,” Croissant nodded.

“There’s a little funnel thing on the back of it,” Walnut observed. “That’s probably where they put the stuff to make things.”

“It does look like it’s making a cookie,” Almond noted. “Is she making another cookie form?”

Timekeeper appeared with a popping noise and hovered above the machine.

“Timekeeper, what are you doing?” Croissant asked, squinting as if to see clearer.

“Oh, don’t mind me!” Timekeeper chirped. “Just adding a special little ingredient!”

She dispensed a small quantity of powder into the funnel, grinned, and then disappeared.

“That’s incredibly suspicious,” Almond said. He and String Gummy narrowed their eyes.

“Should we tell Caprese about-” Walnut began, stopping as Caprese reentered the room.

“Tell me about what?” Caprese asked.

“Oh, we were just curious about the 3D printer, is all!” Croissant answered.

“Ah, yea. 3D Organic Printer. 3DOP for short, ‘DOP for shorter. I figured we could go faster with extra help, so I brought some.”

She bent over the desk and set Crepe down next to the other cookies.

“This is Strawberry Crepe. They do a lot of tech stuff, I’m sure they’ll be able to help fix up your time machine. And once the printer’s done, I can use the lil waffle implant they made and join y’all as a cookie, too! Might take some time to bake, though, baking takes forever in space.”

“Okay, I think we can do this,” Croissant said, stretching her arms. “String Gummy Cookie, Caprese, I need you to spread out the larger pieces, and get the timecraft onto the center of the desk. Everyone else, collect up all the loose pieces and screws, and try to get them organized.”

She directed String Gummy and the human as Walnut, Crepe, and Almond worked on getting the other pieces together. After a few minutes, the wreck and the larger pieces were laid out on the paper, with several organized piles of screws, bolts, and scrap beside them.

“Alright, the fuselage looks mostly intact, if a bit dented,” Croissant observed. “But the wings are in pretty bad shape.” She turned to Caprese.

“Is it possible for the 3D printer you have to fabricate replacement parts? I need something sturdier than graham crackers for the wings.”

“Probably? We’d have to wait for the cookie to finish printing before making them, but I have some CAD software on the computer we can use in the meantime. Do you want me to put you over there?”

“Gimme a minute,” Croissant responded. She grabbed a sticky note from a pad on the human’s desk and placed it next to one of the damaged wings before grabbing a piece of pencil lead and sketching out a blueprint. She repeated the process for the other wing and empennage before rolling all three papers up and approaching the human.

“Alright, ready.”

“Scoop,” Caprese responded as she picked up Croissant with her hands and carried her over to the computer, setting her down next to the trackpad.

“Alright, in a minute the program should be all loaded up. Have you used a CAD program before, you got this? Is the keyboard too big?”

“I’ve used some similar stuff, yea, I’ll get the hang of it,” Croissant responded. “Though I might need some help with this keyboard, the keys are bigger than my hands!”

She turned towards the other cookies.

“Could you guys work on getting all the dents out of the fuselage while I’m over here?”

String Gummy nodded. Crepe shrugged.

“Can I help?” Walnut asked String Gummy as she followed him to the wreck.

“I’d prefer to work alone,” he muttered in response as he approached the fuselage. “This is very sensitive equipment that must be handled responsibly.”

“I’m responsible!” Walnut offered. String Gummy said nothing and began to work on repairs. He pulled open a compartment to check the inner workings of the vehicle, though the internal components seemed to be relatively intact. Strawberry Crepe began to play with the scrap metal while Walnut watched String Gummy work. Almond made himself as useful as he could, though repairing a time machine was far outside his area of expertise. Crepe would occasionally complain of String Gummy doing something incorrectly, which invariably resulted in a brief argument, but progress was being made regardless.

“Alright,” Croissant announced. “The parts should be ready for printing. How’s everything going over there?”

“Making progress,” String Gummy responded.

“How long until it’s done baking?” Croissant asked Caprese. The human shrugged.

“I didn’t set a timer, but it’ll probably bake faster if I put it in an actual oven.”

She bent over the printer to see its progress.

“Ok, yea, the printing part is done, if I’m gentle, I can carry her over to an oven.”

She reached forward and stopped.

“It’s hot. I’m stupid. Give me one minute.”

Caprese left the room and returned a moment later with a spatula and an oven mit. She carefully removed the half-baked cookie from the device’s tray before leaving the room, making sure not to drop them.

“I should’ve asked her to move me back to the table first…” Croissant noted.

“Oh, that is an easy fix!” Timekeeper’s disembodied voice responded.

“Ack!” Croissant yelped as she disappeared from the table before reappearing on the desk. “Ow! Timekeeper Cookie, you can’t just teleport cookies!”

“But I can just teleport cookies!” Timekeeper responded as she manifested near the printer.

“What are you doing, anyways? What did you put in that machine?”

“Oh, nevermind that! Just a bit of a prank on that human!”

Croissant scrutinized Timekeeper but said nothing. Her expression changed as she realized something.

“Oh! I’m so dumb!” Croissant groaned.” We should’ve started printing the pieces we need for the timecraft, the printer’s free!”

“Like this?” Timekeeper asked, pressing a button on the computer that made the 3D printer come to life.

“Like that, yea…” Croissant muttered.

“You see? I am very helpful,” Timekeeper said with a smirk before fading out of existence again. Croissant shook her head and turned around.

“Ok. While everything is printing, let's work on getting the rest of it all together.”

She trotted over to the fuselage.

“This is already looking a lot better. The propeller is really messed up, though.”

“Am back,” Caprese announced, her cookie form in her hand and a pair of thick, black goggles on her head. She set the cookie onto the table before attaching a tomato pin onto the side of the cookie’s head. It looked nearly identical to the hairpin she had worn before, though a piece of waffle cone came out of the back of the tomato instead of basil leaves.

Caprese slid the goggles onto her head and pressed a button on the side. It blinked for a moment as she grew still. Her cookie form on the table began to stir.

“Hello,” Caprese Cookie said as she slowly pulled herself up from the desk. “Back from the dead, ha!”

“Hmm,” Croissant muttered. “So the human is using the goggles, and using some sort of remote signal to control her cookie form.”

“Yep, that’s the gist of it,” Caprese responded. “I will be right back, do not follow me.”

She walked to the wall and pulled a book aside with her cheese arms, revealing a cookie-sized door in the wall.

“That’s been there this whole time?” Croissant muttered.

“No following!” Caprese reminded before she unlocked the door and closed it behind her.

“Not sure which one of those two I should distrust more,” Almond muttered. “Got a human who could destroy us all with a press of a button and a cookie who couldn’t care less and even makes the human nervous.”

“Weirdly enough, I do feel like they’re trying to help us,” Croissant admitted. “In their own, kind of off-putting way.”

“I kinda feel like that too,” Walnut agreed.

After a moment, Caprese returned through the door in the wall and locked it behind her. In her hand was a yellow glove, in a size that would fit a cookie, though the glove had four fingers as if it was designed to fit a tiny, human hand.

“It has fingers,” Croissant noted.

“I’m aware,” Caprese muttered. “I’m fixing that.”

She rummaged through a drawer in the desk organizer and pulled out a crafting razor blade. She flattened the glove onto the desk before carefully cutting all four digits off, leaving two holes.

“What’s behind that door?” Walnut asked as Caprese tried on the glove.

“We really do not have time for me to explain ant-people and their technologies,” Caprese responded.

“What?”

“Exactly,” Caprese grumbled before pulling the glove off and approaching Croissant Cookie.

“Take one of your gloves off so I can put this on under it,” Caprese requested.

“What? Why?” Croissant asked, though she removed her left glove anyways.

“What tools do you use most frequently?” Caprese asked as she pulled the glove over Croissant’s hand and wrist.

“Well, my spanner, and I guess the usual stuff; screwdriver, hammer, uh…”

“Good enough. Can you put those tools out in front of us?”

“Okay.”

Croissant placed the three tools down in front of them.

“Alright, this should only take a few moments to calibrate,” Caprese explained as she flipped part of the glove inside out, revealing a button and electrical components.

“And what exactly are we calibrating?” Croissant asked.

"It’s like a toolbox that lets you store tools in a pocket dimension and then swap them out using the glove on your wrist,” Caprese explained. “That way, you’ll always have your tools with you when you need them.”

“That does sound handy, I guess.”

Caprese fiddled with the glove and the tools for a few more minutes before handing Croissant’s original glove back to put on over the new device.

“Alright, so hold your hand out like this,” Caprese instructed, holding her left hand palm up. “And think about the tool you want in your hand.”

Croissant mirrored Caprese’s gesture and after a moment, her wrench teleported into her hand.

“Oh. That’s really useful, actually!” Croissant responded. “...Thank you,” She added hesitantly.

“I hope that little trinket she made for you doesn’t make up for the fact that she literally ate me earlier!” String Gummy grumbled.

“Definitely not,” Croissant agreed. “But I’d rather she help us than eat us, yea?”

String Gummy muttered something Almond couldn’t quite understand.

“Alright, back to fixing up this timecraft!” Croissant said, tossing the wrench into her right hand and approaching the fuselage. “How much longer until the pieces we printed are ready?”

“Should be done printing by now,” Caprese responded, turning back to look at the desk. “I’ll have to return to my human form to grab them and bake ‘em. One sec.”

Caprese sat down and leaned up against the side of the box as her cookie form went limp. The human began to stir again and removed the goggles. She walked over to the printer, removed the pieces with the spatula, and carried them into the other room. After a few minutes she returned with the baked pieces.

“That was quick,” Croissant observed.

“Yea! I never really thought about using time dilation to bake stuff before,” Caprese explained as she put the finished pieces on the desk. “I always used it to slow down food spoiling, but never really thought about using it to make stuff cook faster.”

“So it’s true that time can pass at different rates in different universes, then,” Croissant thought aloud. “If you store perishable food in a timeline slower than yours, from your perspective, it stays fresh longer. And if you bake food in a timeline faster than yours, it bakes faster.”

“I don’t bake that much,” Caprese responded. “So it wasn’t really anything I needed to do until now. Did you know it takes like five times longer to bake things in space? Kind of a pain when we’re trying to get things done fast.”

She put the goggles back on and switched back into her cookie form.

“Anyhow,” Caprese responded as she got up. “Are we ready to put this thing back together now?”

“We’ve got all the parts together,” Croissant confirmed. “Strawberry Crepe Cookie was it? I need you to help with the landing gear and repairing the repair arms. String Gummy Cookie, Caprese Cookie, I need you to hold the pieces in place and help me weld them on. Walnut Cookie, have the gears, screws and bolts ready to hand over when I need them. Almond Cookie, I need you to help me manage the blueprints and make sure the components are all put in the right places.”

The cookies nodded. Caprese turned on the wax welder and grabbed the heated tool with her cheese arms as Croissant and String Gummy held one of the wings steady. After a few minutes of meticulous work, the left wing was successfully reattached.

“Perfect, next side,” Croissant directed.

As they started work on the right wing, Crepe had already finished working on the landing gear and had moved on to one of the repair arms. In another few minutes, the wing had been reattached and both repair arms had been fixed.

“What do you want me to do with these?” Crepe asked, evidently starting to get bored after finishing their work so quickly.

“Oh, Almond Cookie should have the blueprints right over there,” Croissant said, pointing to one of the papers. “Just attach them with the right screws and bolts and we should be good.”

Almond and Walnut looked at the paper together and determined which components were needed before relaying the information to Crepe. They seemed to understand fairly quickly and went back to work as Croissant, String Gummy, and Caprese worked on the empennage. The timecraft already looked much better.

“Done!” Crepe announced.

“Great!” Croissant responded. “We just need to fix the front propeller and reattach the wing rotors and we should be good to go!”

She and String Gummy each grabbed a motor and brought one to either side of the timecraft.

“Ok, Caprese Cookie, I’m gonna need you to help hold the motors up while we screw them in.”
Caprese nodded and brought a cheese arm under each motor and pushed them up until they touched the wings. Walnut handed String Gummy and Croissant several screws and bolts as they began to attach the side propellers.

“Whew, alright,” Croissant sighed as the motors had been successfully attached. “Now it’s just the front.”

Croissant worked on the finishing touches alone, though she would occasionally ask for extra tools or pieces when she needed them.

Finally, after several more minutes, the craft was complete.

“Good as new!” Croissant announced triumphantly.

“I am foreseeing a problem,” Almond noted. “I’m no expert in time travel, but that thing’s got two seats, and there’s six of us.”

“Right,” Croissant nodded. “Well, as long as String Gummy Cookie and I can get back to the TBD headquarters, we can make a time rift back here that everyone else can come through.”

“Shouldn’t we have more of a plan than that first, though?” Walnut asked. “We fixed the time machine, but we still don’t know what ‘puzzle’ that mysterious cookie was talking about.”

“Presumably, you need time travel,” Croissant guessed. “Otherwise Timekeeper Cookie wouldn’t have sent us here. But if you change the past, you’d disappear; you’d get replaced with the new timeline.”

“Timekeeper Cookie made it sound like we can go into the past without changing it,” Walnut responded.

“Well, you could, yes,” Croissant confirmed, thinking aloud. “But how would that help?”

“How would that bring the cookies back to life if you can’t stop them from getting eaten?” Walnut added.

“Almond, you said there were eight soulstones missing, right?” Caprese asked. “I gave you five, and it sounds like Walnut found two. That leaves one unaccounted for, yea?”

Almond nodded.

“If the third soulstone hasn’t been enchanted for a specific cookie yet, that would be one soulstone for each of the three missing cookies,” Walnut offered. “And if we have their soulstones, we might be able to rebake them!”

“And those stones get enchanted when they’re near a cookie who dies,” Almond added.

“Ahhh, I think I know where this is going,” Caprese muttered with a nod. “We’re doing this the way Matra does it.”

“What?” Walnut asked.

“Nothing,” Caprese waved dismissively. “Time travel whatnots.”

“We don’t need to prevent the cookies from being eaten,” Croissant realized. “We just need to make sure those soulstones are present when they die. We can go into the past without changing anything except the future!”

“But we’re gonna need someone who was there when it happened, someone who knows how things happened to ensure nothing changes,” Almond suggested. “You made it sound like if we change too many things in the past, we’ll be replaced by the new timeline. If we know how things went down, we’ll be less likely to make a mistake that erases us from existence.”

“That’s true, yes,” Croissant nodded. “It will be very risky. But who are you proposing to assist us?”

Almond looked at Caprese.

“I think the culprit’s the only surviving witness.”

“You want me to-?” Caprese began.

“It’s your fault, isn’t it?” Almond pointed out. “It only seems fair.”

“I, well, there’s an issue,” Caprese explained. “I can’t go between the timelines, as a human or as a cookie, unless the timelines are synced together chronologically and as long as time is passing at the same rate. The connection allowing me to control my cookie form would fail as soon as I went to the past.”

“We’ll have to think of something else, then,” Croissant decided.

“That won’t be necessary,” Timekeeper responded as they reappeared behind Croissant, making her flinch.

“What is it?” Croissant asked, eyeing them suspiciously.

“A simple fix!” They responded, approaching Caprese with a deep-red jelly in hand. Caprese backed up warily.

“What is that?” Caprese asked with suspicion.

“A treat!” Timekeeper answered with a grin. “A special jelly; if you eat it, it will fix that little temporal synchronization issue you were just talking about!”

“Uh…” Caprese muttered, hesitantly taking the candy from the chronokinetic. “So if I eat this, I can go into the past as a cookie?”

“Indeed!”

“...how does it work?”

“Oh, nevermind that. We are in a hurry, yes?”

Caprese squinted, shrugged, and tossed the jelly into her mouth. She frowned at the taste.

“It tastes like metal…” she muttered.

Timekeeper grinned, turned away from Caprese, and winked at Croissant, an expression barely visible from behind the cookie’s tinted monocle. Croissant followed them with her eyes as they floated across the desk, tipped their hat, and disappeared once again.

“Alright, are we all ready for this?” Croissant asked, stretching her arms as she approached the timecraft.

“To reiterate your plan, you and your friend are going to go back to your headquarters in the timecraft,” Almond said. “And then open a time rift back here for the rest of us?”

“Yup!” Croissant responded with a quick nod. She hopped into the pilot’s seat as String Gummy took the seat behind her. The two cookies put on their goggles and strapped themselves in. The time machine whirred to life as Croissant started the engine. The other four cookies backed away as a time rift formed in front of the odd aircraft. The timecraft suddenly shot forward through the rift, as an enthusiastic “WOOT!” echoed through the distortion in time and space.

Chapter Text

The four remaining cookies waited as the rift closed, Walnut and Almond collecting their belongings and the soulstones. Walnut glanced between Caprese’s two forms in curiosity but said nothing. After a moment, another rift appeared.

“Everyone ready?” Croissant asked, her head peeking from the other side of the rift.

“Is this…safe?” Almond asked, eyeing the rift cautiously.

“If it wasn’t, I’d think we’d know by now,” Croissant responded.

“Crepe, do you want to come with us?” Caprese asked. “It’s sort of up to you.”

“Do I get to make wafflebots?” they asked, squinting expectantly.

“We’ve got a big engineering department at the TBD,” Croissant offered. “I’m sure there’s room for an extra pair of hands in the robotics department.”

Crepe grinned, though the expression contained a hint of malice Almond found unsettling.

“Might not be a good idea to let that kid have access to time travel…” Caprese muttered, though she shrugged as the questionable cookie went past her and through the portal. Walnut followed, Caprese and Almond close behind.

They found themselves in a large room, brightly lit by windows covering an arched ceiling. The checkered tile floor seemed freshly polished, despite the foot traffic from cookies passing by. Almond turned around to see a large clock-like structure behind them.

A cookie in TBD uniform walked by and gave the group an odd look.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, bringing this many cookies into the TBD?” The cookie asked Croissant. “Shouldn’t we discuss this with SGB first?”

“SGB is dead,” Croissant replied as forthright as possible. “He was eaten alive by the human, just like you were in the other timeline.”

The cookie stared at her in stunned silence.

“.... what!? ”

“We don’t have a whole lot of time right now,” Croissant continued. “Fruit Leather Cookie, this is Strawberry Crepe Cookie, Almond Cookie, Walnut Cookie, and Caprese Cookie.” She paused and turned to the group. “Fruit Leather is one of our scout agents. He helps survey time anomalies.”

“Detective Almond Cookie,” Almond greeted, shaking hands with the agent. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Thank you,” Fruit Leather responded.

“Hi…” Caprese said awkwardly with a hesitant wave. Fruit Leather glanced at her and shrugged.

“Anyways, these cookies were… stuck … with the human, so we brought them here,” Croissant explained. “Timekeeper Cookie made it sound like we might be able to bring cookies back to life that the human ate, but we’re trying to figure out how.”

“You went to the human’s timeline!? You could’ve been eaten! SGB was eaten!”

“We didn’t go voluntarily,” Croissant defended. “Timekeeper Cookie sent us there and we got stranded, but these cookies helped us fix the timecraft and get back here.”

Almond noticed that Walnut, Crepe and Caprese had wandered off separately, apparently curious about their new environment.

“Should we make sure they don’t break anything important?” Almond asked.

“I’ll take care of it,” String Gummy grumbled, heading off to herd up the wandering cookies.

“Is that one cookie always weird like that?” Fruit Leather murmured.

“Who?” Croissant asked.

“That one with the leafy green hair,” He responded. “She got all fidgety and nervous when she saw me. Do you think that…maybe, she likes me?”

“You… what? No!” Croissant responded, dumbfounded. “She likes how you taste! That ‘cookie’ … is the human!”

Fruit Leather stared in confusion.

“Wh…what!?” He responded. “Are you insane!? I’m not sure which is more unbelievable; that that cookie is actually a gigantic human in disguise, or that you willingly allowed a cookievorous monster into the TBD headquarters!”

Almond glanced over as he saw Walnut rejoin their group. String Gummy was pulling Crepe along with him as he went over to confront Caprese. Almond turned back to Croissant and Fruit Leather.

“I get that it’s hard to believe, but yes, that cookie is the human that ate you and SGB,” Croissant said. “And yes, it’s risky and a bit unsettling, but Timekeeper Cookie’s made it clear that she’s relatively harmless at the moment, and we need her to make sure we don’t change the past in that timeline.” 

“So you’re going to go to the past, avoid changing it, and somehow save cookies from the human by doing that?”

“Yes, but we need access to the control room. We need to establish a timeline of when things happened in the timeline.”

“That sentence sounds redundant,” Almond muttered.

“We should go to the control room before any of them wander off again,” String Gummy suggested as he returned with the other two cookies.

“Right,” Croissant nodded.

“I need to go back to my assigned work,” Fruit Leather muttered, uncomfortably glancing at Caprese before hurrying off to his duties.

“You told him, didn’t you?” Caprese asked, glancing at Croissant.

“Yea.”

“Probably for the best,” Caprese noted. “Would’ve been awkward otherwise,”

 “Anyways, follow me,” Croissant instructed, heading off down a hallway.

Croissant led the other five cookies into a smaller room scattered with papers and tools. On the far wall sat a large monitor screen, though it was currently turned off. The area reminded Almond of the inside of Tonic Cookie’s trailer, though the room was larger, messier, and more brightly-lit.

Croissant gestured for the cookies to sit at the table in the center of the room before turning on the large monitor.

“This device tracks down all space-time anomalies detected between all of our timelines’ branches,” Croissant explained. “It should help us get a baseline for figuring out exactly when we need to go back in time in order to revive the cookies with the soulstones.”

“We may need more details from the perpetrator as well,” Almond noted, shooting a glance at Caprese. She gave him an annoyed look back.

“Alright, lemme just get this centered on the town you're in, make sure it’s set to the right timeline and point in time, and… There!” Croissant announced as a map appeared on the screen.

“That looks a lot like the map Tonic Cookie had,” Walnut noted. “All the dots.”

Almond nodded.

“This map shows all the temporal anomalies detected recently,” Croissant explained.

“Can it detect their point of origin and what caused them?” Almond asked.

“Yes, it can detect the type of distortion, which often correlates with the method used to cause the anomaly,” Croissant explained. She pressed a button that caused the dots to filter into two distinct colors.

“That looks more familiar,” Almond said with a nod.

“So the yellow dots are Timekeeper Cookie? And the orange ones are Caprese?” Walnut asked.

“Not necessarily,” Croissant responded, shaking her head. “This detects the technology used. Any TBD tech is going to show up in yellow, and anything unauthorized or unknown is gonna show up orange.”

“Why are the portals made by Timekeeper Cookie showing up as TBD tech, then?” Almond asked. “Wouldn’t those be detected as unknown or unauthorized?”

“Well, no,” Croissant replied. “Timekeeper Cookie is authorized. She’s the Director.”

“That lunatic is your boss? ” Almond asked incredulously.

“More than that, unfortunately,” Croissant muttered under her breath.

“So the yellow could be Timekeeper Cookie or anyone at the TBD?” Walnut asked. Croissant nodded.

“We can confirm that the orange dots are Caprese though, yes?”

“Yea,” Croissant nodded again while looking at the monitor. “Most likely.”

“What’s all the red stuff?” Walnut asked, pointing to two reddened areas.

“That means there’s a temporal block,” Croissant explained. “Some sort of restriction on teleportation and time travel has been put on those areas.”

“The vault and our house,” Almond inferred. “That means the enchantments are working.”

“That’s good, I guess,” Walnut said.

“What’s our course of action?” String Gummy asked.

“Let’s establish the chronological timeline first,” Almond suggested. “We might have a confession, but we don’t have all the details. We’ll need to line up Caprese Cookie’s testimony with the data we have on hand.”

“Fine,” Caprese muttered.

“You told me previously that you’ve eaten between 15-20 cookies in total,” Almond began. “We’ve identified several of your victims, but I need you to tell me specifically who.”

“I don’t know all their names,” Caprese responded.

“Then describe them.”

“Okay,” Caprese said before pausing to think. “You, Fruit Leather, String Gummy, Twizzly Gummy. Mulberry, Boysenberry, Lemon… Wafer?”

“That’s seven,” Almond noted.

“Custard kid, Vanilla, Espresso, Cocoa, Mint.”

“That’s another five, so twelve.”

“Um… Eclair.”

“What!?”

“I was curious what he tasted like, okay?”

“Did you do that before or after all the time you spent in the library?”

“....during.”

“What did he taste like?” Walnut asked.

“Kiddo, do not encourage this!”

“He tasted okay,” Caprese answered.

“Geezz …” Croissant muttered in exasperation.

“Please, Caprese Cookie, can you finish with the list?” Almond requested.

“I don’t know the other cookies’ names,” Caprese explained. “But I can describe what they looked and tasted like.”

“Please do so.”

“There was a purple-ish cookie with a pewter staff who tasted like ice cream and coffee,” Caprese offered. Almond thought for a moment.

“I don’t know of a cookie matching that description.”

Caprese shrugged.

“There was also another berry-flavored cookie I ate. Was with a cookie who looked like Indiana Jones,” She continued.

“...What? You… may need to clarify that description. What were they wearing?”

“Well, the berry-flavored one had like, a maid outfit on. And the other had a hat on and a big rope, like a lasso.”

Almond paused for a moment to think.

“Blackberry and Adventurer Cookie!” Walnut realized.

“Who else?” Almond continued.

“There was a cookie who tasted like cookie’s-n-cream, well, oreo and ice cream.”

“What’s an oreo?” Walnut asked.

“It’s a…well, humans have a looser definition of what a “cookie” is, I don’t know what you’d call it.”

“I don’t recognize any cookies by that description, either,” Almond said. “Is there anyone else?”

Caprese thought for a moment before nodding.

“There was a pizza delivery cookie, and a lil coffee cookie with a big pointy hat like a witch.”

“Oh crumbs,” Almond muttered. “Latte Cookie...”

“She did eat Latte Cookie!” Walnut finished.

“That doesn’t matter now,” Almond continued.

“I think that was all of them, anyways,” Caprese said.

“Nineteen, if I’m doing the math right,” Almond noted. “You said around twenty, yes?”

“Yea, it was an estimate. I didn’t count ‘em all.”

“Geezz,” Croissant said again. “In what time span? A week?”

“A couple weeks,” Caprese clarified.

“Still,” Croissant responded. “It’s a good thing you were using time anomalies, otherwise we’d have to revive nineteen cookies instead of three!”

“We still only have two unused soulstones,” Almond pointed out. “Where are we gonna get the third one?”

“We could tell Tonic Cookie what’s going on,” Walnut offered. “And I’m sure Pure Vanilla Cookie would be happy to lend us an extra one.”

“Good idea,” Almond nodded.

“Could we get a trip home?”

“I think we can arrange that,” Croissant nodded. She pulled out a tool that looked like a smaller version of the large, golden scissors that Timekeeper had used to open time rifts. She performed a cutting motion with the device, but stopped after several tries, confused.

“Why isn’t it working?” She muttered. She tried another time before turning towards the monitor and scrutinizing it several times.

“What if I push this scan a few days further…”

She hit a button that caused the map to refresh. As the map refreshed, Almond frowned.

“Yeaa, I think I see the problem,” Croissant muttered. The entirety of the kingdom was highlighted red.

“Oh, so now Tonic Cookie gets the barrier up!” Almond groaned. “Now what?”

“Well, I could change rift location or timing,” Croissant offered. “If I teleport you to before the barrier was formed, or if I teleport you just outside the barrier zone, you’ll be able to get back home.”

“Won’t that affect the timeline if we go back earlier?” Almond asked.

“Not necessarily,” Croissant explained. “The TBD is on a separate timeline from your timeline, so our timeline wouldn’t be affected, but it also looks like some time has passed since you left your own timeline.”

“How much time?”

“My guess is at least a day,” Croissant responded, scrutinizing the map. “But the point is, any time between when you left your timeline and the current ‘present’ of your timeline can be changed without you risking your dough, even if you change it. You’re not from that future, since it happened with you absent, so only the future will be erased if you change it.”

“So we just need to find a different point to open the rift to,” Almond concluded. “Then we can contact Tonic Cookie and get a third soulstone.”

“There’s a problem with that plan,” Caprese pointed out. “One, my cookie form needs portal magic to send the signals I use to control it. So we can’t just rift outside of the barrier and go in, at least I can’t, unless that weird candy Timekeeper gave me somehow fixes that too. But, there’s a bigger problem.”

“And what’s that?” Almond asked.

“We don’t know where that last missing soulstone is. We need to locate it before we do anything else.”

“And how do you propose doing that?”

“We have time travel at our disposal,” Caprese explained. “If we retrace our steps to the night I stole the soulstones, we might be able to figure out where the unaccounted for one went.”

“And being there won’t affect the timeline?”

“Not if we use time dilation to slow things down a ton.”

“Like going back in time and freezing time!” Walnut added.

“Observers,” Croissant said. “As long as you aren’t spotted and you don’t mess with anything, the timeline should remain stable.”

“We’ll need to keep a low profile as well,” Caprese added. “Disguises, stay quiet, avoid being seen as much as we can.”

“Makin’ this sound like a heist,” Almond muttered. Caprese glared.

“She has a point,” Croissant responded. “If you get spotted, it could alter past events. And the more alterations, the more you risk changing the future entirely.”

“And if we change it entirely, we disappear, right?” Walnut asked. Croissant nodded.

“I’m thinking, we locate the missing soulstone first, then get the last soulstone we need, then hide the soulstones in the house so that they’ll be present when the three cookies get eaten,” Caprese suggested.

“You’re not suggesting that we use the unaccounted for stone as the third stone, are you?” Croissant asked.

“Why not?” Caprese responded. “Detective man here needs to know what happened to it, I don’t have it, Timekeeper apparently doesn’t have it, and we need a third soulstone. If we took it, it could kill two figurative birds with one literal stone.”

“But that could cause significant alterations to the timeline!” Croissant argued.

“That’s why the plan is to find out how many soulstones were stolen by going back in time to when they were taken!” Caprese explained. “If my big human hand comes in, and only snags 7 stones, then we know that we have to take the 8th stone. If eight stones get snagged, then we go back to the present and ask Vanilla politely for the last stone we need, but we still don’t know where that missing stone is.”

“There’s some broken causality going on with that,” Croissant noted. “But that’s not out of the ordinary when you’re dealing with time travel.”

“That’s the exact kind of reason I hate time travel,” Caprese mumbled. “I feel like worst-case scenario is a time loop, though. So we should be safe- ish.”

“That’s not reassuring,” Almond said.

“I need to grab some stuff back from my place,” Caprese decided. “Can I get a portal back to where we were?”

“Uh, yea,” Croissant nodded. “String Gummy Cookie knows how to use the riftmaker in the clock square. I’ll have him go with you.”

String Gummy let out an annoyed grumble but escorted Caprese out of the room anyways.

“In the meantime, I’m gonna order everyone sandwiches,” Croissant announced. “You can’t eat anything when going to the past, cause it might mess something up, disturb the flow of entropy. So everyone going back in time’s gotta be well fed first.”

“And you’re really gonna trust that cookie?” Almond asked. “The monster who just ate your friend?”

“Oh, it’s weird, for sure,” Croissant replied. “But I’m pretty sure she would have eaten all of us already if she was planning to. And if you don’t think about it too hard, just imagine that she really is just a cookie right now. She can’t hurt us in that form, at least not any more than any other cookie could. Also, wasn’t it your idea to make her help us?”

“You have a point there,” Almond admitted. “All of this has made me uneasy, I suppose.”

“Understandable,” Croissant nodded. “Anyways, I’m gonna go grab lunch. Make sure no one touches any equipment while I’m gone.”

Almond nodded affirmatively. Croissant made a slight smile before she left the room.

Chapter Text

Almond glanced at Walnut and Crepe. The two young cookies clearly had separate interests, though both seemed curious about the contents of the room. Crepe eagerly approached the monitor screen and the desk covered in dials and buttons, while Walnut’s attention seemed to be on the papers strewn about. Almond kept a closer eye on Crepe; he trusted his daughter’s judgement, at least when their lives weren’t in any immediate danger, but the pink cookie had questionable motives and an uncertain level of empathy that made them much harder to predict.

“Don’t touch that,” Almond ordered as Crepe reached for one of the dials. They grumbled disappointedly.

“I just wanted to examine the butterscotch alloys in these components!” Crepe argued. “My scans detected a very unique composition!”

“Well, you can ask Croissant Cookie about that when she gets back. I’m sure she knows all about those gears and dials, considering how quickly she was able to get that flying time machine of hers back together.”

“Ugh, fine,” they grumbled, backing away from the desk. They manifested a cone-shaped appendage with strawberry claws in front of them and began to fiddle with the object instead.

“Dad, what do all these numbers and symbols mean?” Walnut asked, holding up several papers covered in graphs and diagrams.

“Looks scientific and complicated, kiddo,” Almond explained. “I’m no rocket scientist, and I’m certainly no time-traveler, so you’re also gonna have to wait for Croissant Cookie to come back before any questions get answered.”

“Alright,” Walnut muttered, putting the papers back where she had found them.

Soon after, the door to the room creaked open, revealing String Gummy and Caprese. Caprese was grinning, a roll of black cloth in one cheese arm and a seemingly-empty glass vial the height of a cookie in the other.

“What’s all that for?” Almond asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Disguises!” Caprese responded cheerfully.

“The vial ?” Almond questioned further.

“Oh, that’s um, for emergency,” Caprese responded awkwardly.

“What?” Walnut asked in confusion.

“It’s just an extra thing in case we need it,” Caprese responded dismissively. She set the vial on the floor and rolled the fabric out over the table.

“If dodging questions was a crime, you’d be in prison already,” Almond muttered.

“You say that as if you haven’t already tried to arrest me,” Caprese retorted as she smoothed out the fabric. “Unsuccessfully, I might add.”

Almond huffed.

“So we’re gonna make disguises for when we go back in time?” Walnut asked as she approached the table and helped Caprese push the fabric flat.

“Well, at least for this first part, we’re going back in time to when the soulstones were stolen to see what happened to that eighth stone,” Caprese explained. “But it needs to be a stealth mission; we’ll have to treat it as if we’re the one’s breaking into the vault.”

“You are the one who broke into the vault!” Almond pointed out.

“Literally shut up or I will eat you again,” Caprese threatened jokingly. “Like I was saying. If anyone sees us, it could mess up the past. The disguises will at the very least make us harder to recognize if we do get spotted, but having a dark-colored outfit is gonna make us harder to see at night.”

“We gotta think like Roguefort Cookie!” Walnut decided aloud. Almond groaned.

“I don’t want you to implicate yourself in any crimes, kiddo,” Almond muttered. “It’s bad enough we’re stuck working with this criminal.” He gestured to Caprese.

“Tsk! Eating cookies isn’t illegal where I’m from!” Caprese huffed.

“Stealing? ” Almond pointed out.

“Well, I, fine, but it’s not like I’m a career criminal or something!”

Caprese turned around from the table and began rummaging through cabinet drawers in the room.

“Croissant Cookie told me to make sure no one touches anything,” Almond scolded.

“Relax, I’m just looking for stuff,” Caprese responded, still searching the drawers.

“Aha!” She remarked as she opened one of the drawers. “Scissors!”

“You sure those aren’t one of those fancy time scissors?” Almond asked, scrutinizing the object. Caprese snipped the air several times with the scissors. Nothing happened.

“Seem normal to me,” Caprese responded with a shrug before setting the scissors onto the table. She continued searching the drawers.

“What are you looking for?” Walnut asked. “Can I help?”

“I need sewing supplies or glue,” Caprese explained.

“I’m on it!” Walnut responded confidently, pulling out a magnifying glass as if the item would improve her ability to locate glue. Caprese chuckled quietly.

“My scans indicate that there are adhesives in the top drawer to your left,” Crepe announced smugly. Caprese pulled the drawer open with a cheese arm and pulled out the contents with the other.

“Glue and tape,” Caprese confirmed.

“You gonna just stick all the fabric together with tape and glue?” Almond asked. “I can’t imagine jury-rigged disguises being our best option here. What happens if they fall apart and leave traces at the crime scene?”

“I’m gonna try to  make everything out of a single piece,” Caprese explained. “And I guess, tape for the extra seams.”

“And what is this fabric made of, anyhow?” Almond asked, lifting a corner up to examine it. “It doesn’t have the weight of chocolate silk, or the texture of fondant or even of standard icing.”

“That’s cause it’s man-made textile, not cookie-made,” Caprese explained. “I dunno what type of material exactly, but it should work fine for what we need it for. Gimme your coat.”

Almond hesitated.

“You better not be planning to glue anything onto my coat, now.”

“I just need it as a template!” Caprese responded, pulling at the coat before Almond had given permission, but he gave in and allowed her to take his coat anyways.

She laid it out on top of the other fabric and flattened it over the table. She grabbed the scissors and began to perforate around the edges.

During this process, the door to the room opened as Croissant returned with sandwiches.

“I’m back!” Croissant announced. “...What on Earthbread are you doing?”

“Costumes!” Walnut responded. “We’re making disguises so we don’t get spotted when we go back in time!”

“Don’t worry, your stuff’s still underneath,” Caprese assured.

“As long as you don’t poke any holes in them, I guess,” Croissant responded.

“I’ll be careful,” Caprese answered with a nod.

“Do you wanna finish that, or should we eat first?”

“I don’t care either way,” Caprese responded.

“I’m kinda a little bit hungry,” Walnut admitted.

“Let’s eat now, then,” Croissant decided. “I was thinking we’d eat in here, but since you guys are working, we can eat in the break room instead.”

She gestured for the cookies in the room to follow her. Caprese shrugged and set the scissors down as the group followed out the door.

Croissant led everyone into a rather ordinary looking room furnished with a single lunch table and a small kitchen unit. The space reminded Almond of the break room back at the Parfaedian police department, though this room somehow felt less-used. He glanced around and examined the room as Croissant set up six chairs at the table and placed a sandwich in front of each chair.

“There’s drinks in the refrigerator,” she explained. “If it doesn’t have a name on it and isn’t opened, you should be good to take it.”

“I’m good with just a water,” Caprese offered. Croissant opened the fridge as they sat down.

“Looks like all that’s in here is water, anyways,” Croissant announced. She tossed a few bottles to String Gummy and he passed them out at the table. After a few moments, all six cookies were seated and began to eat the sandwiches Croissant had provided.

“Sorry if I’m staring at all,” Croissant said to Caprese sheepishly. “It’s just, we’ve known that the multiverse must exist for a while, what with all the mathematical calculations and generative models, and simply with how time travel exists. We’ve known that there had to be timelines outside the ones we could detect at the TBD. Universes that statistically must be wildly different than even the most absurd of timelines we’ve had to deal with.”

She paused.

“I mean, maybe Timekeeper Cookie has known more this whole time, but sometimes I wonder if even she has had trouble accessing the timelines beyond our range. But, one day, Fruit Leather Cookie’s about to go on a standard mission, and suddenly a version of String Gummy Cookie and myself from the future come out of nowhere and insist we cancel it! That the time anomalies were being caused by some gigantic monster from an entirely uncharted timeline! And now… here we are, having lunch with it!”

“We were all rather close to being lunch!” String Gummy muttered.

“But I guess what I’m getting at,” Croissant continued. “Since you’re not a threat right now, could you tell us more about the multiverse?”

“I, sure, I guess,” Caprese agreed.

She paused, finishing her current bite of sandwich.

“Well, so, a lot of it is math, like you said. And a lot of it is really confusing, but time travel is more confusing, and dealing with that mess is already your job. I’d say it’s basically the same as what you’ve been dealing with between timelines, but on a significantly larger scale. A lot of branches of the multiverse are a bit isolated from each other; probably why you can only detect a few timelines with your equipment. My guess would be that all the timelines you detect are variants that contain Earthbread in some form. Vast majority of universes, Earthbread simply just doesn’t exist.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Croissant responded with a nod. “The universe you’re from doesn’t have an Earthbread then, I assume?”

“Nope.”

“But it has cookies?” Croissant asked. “If humans eat cookies, and your universe has humans, wouldn’t there be cookies as well?”

“Well, yes, but we don’t have life powder there. Just sugary lumps of dough.”

“Then why are you eating us instead of lifeless dough?” Almond questioned. Caprese glared.

“I already explained! You taste better! It’s not that complicated!” she grumbled.

“Surely the difference in flavor isn’t worth ending a life over?” Almond argued.

“We’ve pretty clearly established the conflict of interest we have!?” Caprese retorted. “Let Croissant ask whatever questions she has. I’m not gonna bother trying to justify the food chain to you again.”

“It is somewhat surprising that a gigantic, cookievorous creature from another universe would be able to communicate in our same language and understand our customs well enough to disguise themselves as one of us,” Croissant thought aloud.

“Humans have been around much longer than cookies,” Caprese explained. “And humans are a bit ‘grabby.’ We’ve somehow managed to influence universes far outside the ones we’ve even been to. And witches are kind of a subset of humans, so you’ve probably inherited quite a lot from your creators.”

Croissant nodded.

“That would definitely explain it,” Croissant responded. “It wouldn’t be coincidental, and if our mannerisms and language were derived from human mannerisms and languages, it wouldn’t be that difficult for a human to blend in if they figured out a way to alter their appearance. But, why? It doesn’t seem like making yourself a cookie form makes us any easier to hunt, right?”

“Scaling issues,” Caprese responded.

“She’s doing research!” Walnut offered. “If she had to do her research as a human, she wouldn’t be able to fit into any of our libraries!”

“So she created your timeline, well, forced it to branch off, to isolate it for research purposes,” Croissant considered aloud before turning back to Caprese. “But that sort of leads into another question. If a lot of timelines are a bit isolated from each other, how are you able to access them?”

“I mean, there’s a lot of methods that can be used, but the one I discovered is a bit tricky. Like a catch-22 sort of situation. You need exotic matter, but not like the stuff with negative mass. You need something that came from a different universe in order to get to another universe, or at least to get the metaphorical ball rolling in the process. Let’s say a rock from another universe somehow ends up in your universe. It’s left a bit of a vacuum behind wherever it came from, and its home universe would probably like it back. With the right amount of energy input, you can reopen a pathway between your universe and the rock’s universe.”

“But how did the rock get there in the first place?” Croissant questioned.

“That’s the tricky part,” Caprese answered, shaking her head. “Sometimes there are just random anomalies that can occur when universes get too close together. If you get access to enough universes, you can kind of force the pathways to go somewhere else, but it’s really easy to screw up if things aren’t calibrated right.”

“How many universes have you been to, personally?” Croissant asked.

“Probably twenty-ish? Last time I counted it was around 14, but I feel like I’ve been to at least 5 or 6 others since then.”

“And in how many of those universes have you eaten the inhabitants?” Almond questioned.

“Oh my god,” Caprese groaned. “Will you shut up about that!? What, you want me to tell you every universe I’ve eaten chicken nuggets in or something?”

“Sapient inhabitants?”

“Only here,” Caprese answered.

“I guess I can see how this would be frustrating,” Croissant said. “I mean, if I ended up in a timeline where bear jellies and sandwiches were sentient and tried to arrest me for eating them, I’d be a bit annoyed too.”

“You aren’t seriously siding with that thing, are you!?” String Gummy grumbled.

“No!” Croissant defended. “Just empathizing, is all.”

“I really don’t have anything against any of you personally,” Caprese offered, shaking her head. “If we were the same species, I’m sure we could have been friends.”

“The cop’s still annoying, though,” she added.

Almond glared.

“I’m so excited!” Walnut finally spoke. “We get to time-travel! And save cookies! Well, rebake them with magic, but that’s still saving them.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, kiddo,” Almond suggested. “We still need to make a foolproof plan for this operation; one mistake could make us disappear.”

“We can do all the planning and …disguise-making? That we need to do after lunch,” Croissant responded. “I always do my best work on a full stomach.”

“Do humans eat sandwiches?” Walnut asked Caprese.

“...Yes?” Caprese responded, taking a bite from her lunch.

“Must be big sandwiches,” Walnut concluded. Caprese cracked a smile.

“I’d bet you’d be able to build a little cookie house on top of a human’s sandwich!” Caprese responded with a grin.

“Does it feel any different?” Walnut asked. “Being a cookie, instead of a human?”

Caprese shrugged.

“Human brains are weirdly adaptable to perceptual and proprioceptive changes. It only feels weird if I think about it too much.”

“Pro..prio-ception?” Walnut asked

“If you close your eyes, you still know where your arms are, yea? It’s like that, basically,” Caprese explained.

“And how does the device function?” Croissant asked. “You put like, goggles on yourself as a human, and that tomato on the side of your head is some sort of control system, right?”

“I, yea,” Caprese confirmed. “Um, lots of big words involved, and I’m not the one who built the stuff; one of my friends made the original version, and Crepe made the one I’m wearing now.”

“The device transmits motor inputs to the controlled entity and sensory data back to the user,” Crepe added.

“I’m pretty sure it works similar to VR, but induces a hypnagogic state before making the connection, so it’s kind of like lucid dreaming,” Caprese explained. “Also, do any of you have any idea what Timekeeper fed me? I’m still a lil concerned about that.”

Croissant shook her head.

“I’m sure we’ll find out eventually. Everything Timekeeper Cookie does seems to make marginally more sense in hindsight once whatever she’s been planning comes together,” Croissant explained. “Emphasis on marginally. She tried to frame a cookie for messing with the timeline and get him sent to time prison just to get me to become more like her!”

“Why would she do that?” Walnut asked.

“Because we’re- agh! Just, never mind that!” Croissant responded, flustered.

“That cookie’s got foresight,” Almond inferred. “Probably already knows how this’ll all end.”

“She’s probably watching us right now, too,” Croissant added. “Considering half my sandwich just went missing.”

“An astute observation, dear!” Timekeeper’s voice echoed through the room before the cookie appeared behind Crepe. She floated in the air, nibbling the sandwich she had stolen from Croissant.

“I take it that cookie’s not gonna give us any straight answers despite being here,” Almond thought aloud. Timekeeper smirked.

“Well, it would help to index everything Timekeeper Cookie’s done that’s affected your investigation,” Croissant offered.

“Replaced the coffee with decaf, stole ice cream and equipment,” Almond responded.

“And how would it have affected the investigation had Timekeeper Cookie not done any of those things?” Croissant asked.

“We’d’ve gotten through it much sooner! And I’d probably only’ve been eaten once! ” Almond said, glaring at Caprese, though she seemed not to be paying attention.

“So she changed the timing of things,” Croissant inferred. She thought for a moment before looking up.

“Has anything happened differently due to delays?” She asked. “As in, some event coinciding with your initial plans, that wouldn’t have happened if you had gone at a different time?”

“If the coffee hadn’t been replaced, I wouldn’t have been knocked out cold, and we would have had more time on the case. The human took advantage of the fact that Espresso Cookie and I were out and ate both of us. We ran into Wizard Cookie after arresting Espresso Cookie, and we learned from him that the same culprit was responsible for the missing soulstones and cookies.”

“If we hadn’t run into Wizard Cookie, we might not have found out about that until the next day, and we wouldn’t have run into him if it hadn’t been decaf coffee!” Walnut determined.

“But that means that wasn’t a delay at all,” Croissant pointed out. “What about the things she stole, how did that affect the investigation?”

“We would’ve gotten to the church a lot sooner,” Walnut offered. “We were gonna go, but we got delayed by the portals showing up. And then the press came.”

“So it has to do with whatever happened at the church,” Croissant said.

“You two were very lucky with whatever nonsense happened in there,” Caprese said. “If I wasn’t at the Witch’s house at the time, she would’ve noticed you on that platter before I did and would’ve probably eaten you both.”

“Platter?” Croissant asked.

“Those damn nuns strapped us to a sacrificial altar!” Almond explained. “We were grabbed by the human after she noticed us. This all happened shortly before Timekeeper Cookie sent you and your friend crashing into the human’s desk.”

“I think…” Walnut began. “I think Timekeeper Cookie saved us from the Witch.”
The group looked at Timekeeper. She grinned but said nothing, still eating the sandwich.

“Sending us to the human caused SGB to get eaten, but he wouldn’t have existed had Caprese not messed with time in the first place,” Croissant concluded. “And meeting you has given us this opportunity to save the lives of the three cookies the human ate permanently.”

“So Timekeeper Cookie is helping us,” Walnut decided.

“What about stabbing me in the hand!? ” Caprese asked. “What good did that do, exactly?”

“Oh, that’s a surprise!” Timekeeper chirped. “Wouldn’t want to spoil anything!”

Caprese narrowed her eyes.

"Timekeeper Cookie, did that have anything to do with what you put in the-?” Croissant began.

“Ap-bup-bup!” Timekeeper interrupted. “A surprise!”

The cookie finished their sandwich and disappeared with a slight popping noise.

“I do not like the sound of any of that!” Caprese muttered.

Chapter Text

The cookies finished their lunches before cleaning up and returning to the room where they had been in earlier. Caprese went back to work on the fabric, Walnut and Croissant watching as she worked.

“When you’re done with that,” Croissant began, looking at Caprese. “We need to establish a chronological timeline of all the events.”

“I can, uh, help?” Caprese offered. “But most of that time I was in another dimension, and I don’t really pay attention to times and dates as it is.”

“If we’re starting with the time that the soulstones were stolen, I can help with that,” Almond said. “It was my case, afterall, I have the time frame in which the crime took place. Was about a week ago, Sunday night”

“Okay, that’s a start,” Croissant nodded. “If we put that timeframe into the machine, it should filter out the specific time any portals occurred.”

She pressed a series of buttons on the machine before the device monitor refreshed.

“Perfect,” Croissant said. “Human-made portal in the vault at 3:05 AM. TBD portals nearby at 2:58 and 3:07 AM.”

“TBD portals?” Almond asked. “Who is-?”

“That’s us…” Croissant explained. “Well, it will be. Like I said earlier, broken causality is a pretty common phenomenon when dealing with time travel. Your brain will hurt if you try to think about it too much.”

“It’s the past, but we haven’t experienced it yet,” Caprese added.

“That’s a nine-minute window,” Croissant continued. “Is that enough time for you two?”

“Us two?” Almond asked.

“You and Caprese, yes?” Croissant clarified. “You two know the most about the crime scene.”

“Ten minutes isn’t enough,” Caprese said. “That’s really only seven minutes to get ready for the hand to come and two minutes to get out of there. If we rush, we could screw something up.”

“So, time-dilation factor?” Croissant asked.

“Yes,” Caprese responded with a nod. “Preferably eased, factor of two.”

“So you want me to increase the dilation factor the closer you get to 3:05? That would give you a relative 15 minutes.”
Caprese squinted in thought.

“Give us a factor of one until 3:05. Then give us a factor of ten until 3:06 and slowly reduce that factor until it’s time for us to leave.”

“That’s- are you sure?” Croissant asked. “Switching factors too quickly can affect a cookie’s jam!”

“That’s why you ease it,” Caprese responded. “We should be fine if you turn the dial slowly enough.”

“Should be!?” Almond responded. “I understand that you’ve had experience with time travel to some capacity, but you were a human at that time!”

“Humans aren’t immune to adverse effects, either,” Caprese answered. “This kind of thing always comes with risks.”

“Okay, well, we’ve got a plan for our first mission here,” Croissant announced.

“One more thing,” Caprese added. “Do you have any kairologic watches? Dilation measurers?”

“Oh, I think I’ve got one of those around,” Croissant mumbled, rifling through a cluttered cabinet. “Aha! Yup! Only one, though. And you’ll have to calibrate it when you’re there.”

She handed the watch to Caprese.

“I can probably calibrate it now,” Caprese mused, examining the device. “Where are the calibration ports?”

“On the side there,” Croissant explained, pointing. “You’ll need something from the timeline you’re going to in that port there.”

Before Almond could react, a cheese arm shot towards his hand. He pulled away as he felt a sharp pinch.

“Ow! What on Earthbread was that for!?”

“You’re from the timeline we’re going to, aren’t you?” Caprese explained. “Crumbs are just the right size.”

Almond watched as the cheese hand dropped a miniscule grain of dough into the device. She hit a button to close it and turned it on before placing it on her wrist.

“Looks like it’s working,” Caprese noted.

“Ok, but that will only calibrate the timescales,” Croissant pointed out. “You’ll have to set your watch to 2:58 as soon as you get through the portal.”

“That’s easy enough to do,” Caprese said with a nod.

“And we are almost done with these outfits!” Caprese continued, holding up Almond’s coat, which was now wrapped in a dark layer of fabric.

“That better not be permanent,” he muttered.

“It’s just tape,” Caprese responded.

“I made bandit masks, too!” Walnut offered, holding two bandana-shaped pieces of fabric with holes cut out for the eyes.

“Not bad, kiddo,” Almond encouraged, though he still wasn’t particularly fond of this overall plan.

“Okay, while we do all of this,” Croissant began. “ String Gummy Cookie, could you take Walnut and Strawberry Crepe Cookie with you to the human’s desk and collect all the stuff Timekeeper Cookie stole?”

“I wanna help finish the costumes first!” Walnut requested. Caprese and Croissant shrugged.

“I was just gonna make a cloak for myself,” Caprese said. “But you can help me get your dad all dressed up.”

Walnut’s face lit up as Caprese approached Almond with the modified coat. He put it on hesitantly, and found that it was unsurprisingly more uncomfortable with the modifications.

“Put on the mask I made, too!” Walnut requested, handing Almond one of the modified bandanas.

“Alright, kiddo,” Almond gave in, cracking a smile before pulling the mask over his face.

“We need to do something about the hair,” Caprese muttered. “It’s too obvious. Maybe hair dye? Restyle it? Or we could put something over it, like a hood.”

“Or a hat!” Walnut suggested. “Phantom Bleu wears a big hat as part of their disguise.”

“This isn’t a Roguefort Cookie costume, kiddo.”

“There’s a closet with a bunch of Timekeeper Cookie’s old hats in it,” Croissant offered. “You could pick one out, should be some darker-colored ones in there.”

“Can I come?” Walnut asked excitedly.

“Sure, follow me,” Croissant responded.

Walnut hurried after Croissant as the two of them left the room. Almond hesitated, but he trusted Croissant Cookie well enough to look after his daughter. He was somewhat concerned about Croissant’s reaction to one of the questions Walnut had asked during lunch. She seemed to be withholding information regarding Timekeeper Cookie, though her demeanor seemed to indicate this was due to embarrassment rather than any ulterior motive.

Almond observed the cookies still in the room. Caprese was preoccupied with crafting her own disguise, a single piece cloak with a strap around the neck and waist. Crepe was apparently scanning the contents of the room, though Almond could not discern if this was out of curiosity or boredom. String Gummy watched the two of them from the doorway, an ever-present scowl on his face. It was the sort of expression Almond recognized as the kind to decorate the faces of cookies who’d struggled in the past, hesitant to trust all but a few select cookies. Croissant, Almond inferred, must be one of the few cookies he trusted.

“What’s your story?” Almond asked, gesturing to String Gummy. The cookie seemed surprised to have been addressed, but his expression became more tense a moment later.

“Croissant Cookie, she…” String Gummy looked down. “I’m not from this timeline. Whatever I was, in my original timeline, was erased. The Director, the Croissant Cookie of a future timeline, found me trapped in a time pocket. She rescued me, taught me how to use the TBD’s technology. But, that timeline…”

“It got erased, didn’t it?” Almond asked. “Because of Capre-”

“No,” String Gummy interrupted. “This was before. The Director sent me back in time to fix a past mistake. We were successful, but it meant changing the past, which meant she disappeared with the future. The cookie who saved my life was gone.”

“Sorry for your loss…” Caprese muttered quietly, facing away from them as she hunched over the cloak she was working on.

“Admittedly, I wasn’t expecting sympathy from you, of all cookies,” Almond responded. The room grew silent, Caprese pausing her work.

“I won’t let anything happen to Croissant Cookie again,” String Gummy finally spoke. “Don’t think I’ll hesitate to stand in your way if anything you try to do puts her in danger.”

He glared and left the room. 

Almond turned back to Caprese.

“I suppose it stands to reason that you have others in your life that you care about,” he suggested.”

“I suppose it does…” Caprese muttered.

“This research you came here for. I recall a mention of a friend, of something happening to someone you cared about,” Almond continued. “Something related to Dark Magic, yes?”

“Yea, it’s…” Caprese began. “Well, everything’s complicated. I had a friend and we had a bit of a disagreement, a misunderstanding. I tried to warn him, but he didn’t listen and got cursed. Badly, too. Got corrupted, and now he wants to kill me, or something. I’ve been looking around the multiverse, following traces of similar magic, to see if there’s any way to cure him. I guess that’s the easiest way to explain it.”

“It sounds like Dark Enchantress Cookie was once a friend of Pure Vanilla Cookie,” Almond responded. “White Lily Cookie, an ancient hero. But something happened that exposed her to such a quantity of Dark Magic that she was completely transformed.”

“I think the Witches were involved,” Caprese replied. “I’ve been trying to get in good favor with them to figure out what they know, but they’ve been really weird about some things.”

“Such as?”

“They didn’t want to tell me anything about Dark Enchantress’ recipe,” Caprese explained. “I got enough info to understand the Witches had some sort of party in which they messed around and ended up creating Dark Enchantress.”

“Putting that information together, sounds like the Witches turned White Lily Cookie into Dark Enchantress Cookie, but it seems like it wasn’t intentional,” Almond inferred. “Dark Enchantress Cookie seemed to know that Witches eat cookies. I suspect she stumbled upon them while they were eating before she was captured and transformed.”

“I just wanna know what the hell they put in the dough to make a cookie change like that,” Caprese replied.

“Strawberry Crepe Cookie?” Almond asked. The pink cookie glanced up. “You worked with Dark Enchantress Cookie, didn’t ya? Did she ever tell you anything?”

“Psh, she just showed me how fun it is to blow things up! I got to do whatever I wanted!” Crepe responded. “Not like you cookies, always telling me not to touch things!”

Almond thought for a moment.

“There is one thing, a bit of a tangent from this conversation, but what, exactly, are you two’s motives for being here?” Almond asked. “For helping us bring these cookies back to life, that is. Strawberry Crepe Cookie seems bored this entire time. And Caprese, you made it sound like this whole investigation was a hindrance to your research, correct? Surely helping us, then, would be an even greater hindrance, no?”

“Who says this isn’t part of my research?” Caprese argued. “I’m technically dead, after all, and if we can go back to the past, cookies aren’t gonna look at me as weird.”

“I suppose that checks out,” Almond responded. “But I doubt that is the only thing you have to gain from this endeavor.”

“And what might that be?” Caprese responded with some annoyance, still working on the costume.

“It seems to me you quite enjoyed how those three cookies tasted, no? For them to be gone permanently means you will never have another opportunity to taste them. To help us bake them back to life will give you that opportunity again. Surely this is, at the very least, a consideration of yours.”

“...fine, yes, I did consider that!” Caprese grumbled. “That doesn’t mean I will.”

“Not even a pinch of remorse in your dough,” Almond muttered. “Or, whatever humans have instead of dough.”

“What’s the point of this conversation besides you collecting more justification for your dislike of me?” Caprese growled. “The end result is three cookies brought back to life regardless of my motives.”

“I don’t want us to go through all this trouble just for those cookies to disappear into your mouth again!”

“You realize most of this was Timekeeper’s idea, right?” Caprese retorted. “This isn’t some grand scheme I concocted.”

“What exactly is your relationship with that cookie, anyhow?” Almond asked. “Your wariness of them seems to be due to more than their theft of your belongings.”

“I have a general distrust of floating yellow shapes who wear top-hats,” Caprese muttered. “I know they’re not as powerful in my timeline as they are here, but I know they’ve been spying on me, and it’s a bit unsettling. And something’s not right about that candy she gave me.”

“I’ll admit, that was rather suspicious,” Almond said.

“We got a hat!” Walnut announced as she and Croissant returned from their trip to the closet. Walnut triumphantly held a worn black top hat that seemed as if it had been smashed on multiple occasions.

“Put it on!” Walnut encouraged.

“Alright, alright,” Almond responded, taking the hat from his daughter and placing it over his head. “How do I look?”

“I brought a mirror,” Croissant offered, pulling out a cookie-length mirror. Almond examined his outfit and grimaced.

“I look like a bargain bin criminal,” he muttered.

“Good, that’s the look we’re going for,” Caprese teased. “Anyways, I think my outfit is good to go as well.” She pulled the cape around herself and tied it together. Walnut offered her the second mask, which she accepted and put on before pulling the hood up over her hair.

“Alrighty, you two ready for this?” Croissant asked, adjusting some settings on the computer.

“Yep!” Caprese responded. “We go back, find out what happened to the eighth stone, grab it if my human form didn’t, and hop back here.”

“Alright! Everyone else, back up!” Croissant ordered, pressing a button that formed a time rift between her and the other cookies.

Almond hesitated as he looked through the portal in front of him. His previous experiences with portals did nothing to assuage his uneasiness. Caprese, on the other hand, seemed almost giddy with nervous laughter.

“Alright! Let’s do this!” Caprese cheered before grabbing Almond by the arm and yanking him through the portal with her.

Chapter Text

Almond was relieved to find himself on his feet and in one piece. The cool night air was refreshing compared to the stale air of the time traveler’s workplace. A light breeze blew past.

Caprese stood in front of him. They were on a terrace overlooking the castle courtyard. He approached the edge to find they had a view of the vault entrance, which was still under guard by Purple Yam Cookie.

“He’s still awake,” Caprese muttered. “That complicates things a little.”

“But you put him to sleep before, yes?” Almond asked. “We just need to wait for your human form to-”

“That’s the thing, I didn’t.”

“You put Walnut and I to sleep, though.”

“You didn’t detect any sleep spells from your scan things, right? It’s gotta be Lupent’s Breath. But Entropy wouldn’t have-”

“Pardon? What is ‘Lupent’s Breath’?”

“We don’t have a whole lot of time for me to explain,” Caprese replied, glancing at the specialized watch. “Lupents produce a neurotoxic vapor that puts most living things to sleep. I have one as a pet. I mean, it’s technically not a neurotoxin, just an agonist, but whatever. And it works on cookies, somehow.”

She glanced down at the vault.

“My point is, we need Yam asleep in order to get near the vault. And if my past self didn’t do it, that means we have to.”

She pulled the glass vial Almond had noticed earlier from her cloak.

“You were planning ahead, I see,” he noted.

“I didn’t feel like explaining what was in it earlier ‘cause I didn’t want you to scrutinize me over it,” Caprese explained. “You would’ve asked way too many questions.”

“I suppose I would’ve,” Almond admitted.

“Alright, so the plan is we get a little closer to the vault without getting spotted, probably go down a floor to ground level,” Caprese whispered. “Once we’re close enough, I’ll bring the vial close to Yam and open it so that he falls asleep when my human form shows up. There should be some sort of flash of light from the portal. Once Yam is asleep, we go down and peek through the vault door to see how many stones get grabbed.”

“And what happens if only five stones are taken?” Almond pointed out. “The door to the vault is locked.”

“But Knight told everyone that the key’s kept in Vanilla’s room,” Caprese responded. “And Vanilla keeps his bedroom window unlocked. The time dilation will give me enough time to pull myself up there and get the key.”

“I’m not particularly fond of being an accessory to a crime,” Almond muttered.

“Who’s gonna arrest you? Yourself? If we get caught, the timeline will break, anyways. Getting arrested is kind of the least of our worries. Besides, this soulstone will save a cookie’s life; that’s a good-enough cause, right?”

“As long as they don’t go straight into your mouth after coming out of the oven!” Almond replied.

“Shushh,” Caprese whispered. “We still gotta keep our voices down.”

Almond nodded.

The two of them snuck along the terrace until they were within cheese-arm’s reach. At the end of the terrace stood a doorway, which Almond could tell Caprese was debating on using. He shook his head.

“Those things are creaky,” he advised quietly.

“Right,” Caprese agreed.

The two of them ducked down as Purple Yam let out a grunt. Caprese glanced at the watch.

“3:04, almost time.”

Caprese pulled out the vial and held it at the ready. One cheese arm wrapped around the glass like a tentacle, while the other held tightly to the corked top.

“Hold your breath when I open it,” she advised. “It’ll be a problem if we knock ourselves out.”

The two of them peeked back over the edge of the terrace. They watched Yam quietly for a moment. All three cookies flinched as the area was temporarily engulfed by a flash of light.

“Go go go go,” Caprese breathed quietly to herself as she hastily stretched the arms out towards Yam and dumped the contents of the vial onto his head.

“AGH! Who’s there!?” Yam shouted, swinging his spiked club through the air. He stumbled as the concoction began to take effect.

“You! You… yyy…”

The burly cookie collapsed next to the entrance to the vault.

Caprese lept down to ground level and pressed her back against the wall before grabbing Almond from the terrace and lifting him down beside her. He glanced down at Yam as Caprese peeked through the window.

“We’re gonna start feeling the effects of the temporal dilation soon,” Caprese warned. She glanced at Almond.

“Also, you can stop holding your breath.”

Almond exhaled. He felt a sudden wave of vertigo that made him stumble.

“You sure it’s safe to be near that stuff? I’m feeling a bit dizzy.”

“Just don’t bend over and you’ll be fine. It’s heavier than air.”

He turned over to look through the door with Caprese. The door to the vault was covered with a small grated window just big enough for two cookies to peek through. He watched as a human hand slowly emerged from the portal.

“It’s moving very slowly,” Almond observed. “Even seems to be slowing down even more.”

“That’s the time dilation kicking in,” Caprese explained. “The hand’s not slowing down, we’re speeding up.”

“I see,” Almond responded, still watching the hand.

“Help me count the stones she grabs,” Caprese requested.

They waited as the hand continued moving in slow motion. It pulled up a handful of stones and began to lift up.

“Her finger’s in the way,” Caprese muttered. “I can’t see them all.”

Almond quickly counted in his head as he angled himself to keep all the stones in view.

“There’s six.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

A stone fell out of the human’s grip and clattered back down onto the pile as the hand disappeared back through the portal.

“Six minus one,” Caprese said decicively. “That means we gotta steal it, break into the vault.”

“Wouldn’t this entire operation have been a lot simpler if we’d just gone inside the vault directly ?” Almond grumbled.

“Causality,” Caprese responded dismissively, as this word alone provided enough explanation. “Besides, it’s too late for that now.”

“You need to leave that room exactly as you found it!” Almond warned as Caprese began to climb the side of the castle to get to Pure Vanilla’s bedroom window. Almond watched as she reached the bedroom and fiddled with the window before successfully pulling it open and disappearing inside.

Almond sighed. It occurred to him, despite the absurdity of it all, that their current activities meant that he was partially responsible for the very crime he had been investigating. The non-linear flow of time was confusing an already confusing and complex case. He imagined a scenario in which he had to explain his actions to his past self. Though he knew such a situation was impossible without damaging the timeline, musing on such oddities somehow helped him make sense of this all.

“Catch!” Caprese requested, tossing the key down to him. He fumbled but managed to catch it before it hit the ground, still somewhat distracted by his own thoughts. He hesitated as he brought the key up to the door.

“What’s the hold up?” Caprese hissed. “We’re on the clock!”

“I’ve never stolen anything before…” he muttered. "Normally I'm the one making sure things don't get stolen."

“It’s easy! You just open the door, grab the thing, and lock the door!”

Caprese glanced down at her watch from her perch on the balcony.

“We have 30 seconds, five more minutes of slow-time, but you gotta hurry it up down there!”

“Fine, just don’t rush me!”

He fiddled with the key for a moment before successfully unlocking the door to the vault. He pulled it open carefully and noticed a stray soulstone situated on the floor near the doorway. He picked it up to examine it. It had no smell or color, which Almond presumed meant that it did not correspond to any particular cookie, but he would have been much more confident in his assessment had Walnut been there to confirm it.

He retreated outside with the object before briefly holding it up for Caprese to see. Caprese nodded.

“Lock the door,” She whispered. Almond obliged and handed the key back to an expectant cheese hand after securing and locking the entrance. Caprese and the arm retracted back through the window with the key, reappearing a moment later empty-handed before closing the window and leaping back down to ground level.

“That the right kind of stone?” She asked, tilting her head to get a better look at the object.

“Most likely,” Almond confirmed. “According to my daughter, the stone we need has to be clear, colorless, and odorless.”

“Well, I guess we’ll know for sure if we don’t get stuck in a timeloop!” she joked before glancing at the watch.

“That…went surprisingly smoothly,” she remarked. “We’ve got a few more minutes until the portal opens back up.”

“Head back to the terrace?”

“Not entirely sure, to be honest,” Caprese admitted. “I saw the map long enough that I think our way back is gonna appear over that way.”

She gestured to a darkened corner of the courtyard.

“Our best bet is to stay close and hidden until then.”

“This ain’t the first time you’ve done something like this,” Almond murmured.

“Huh?”

“This operation. You understand this time travel, time dilation what-nots.”

“Oh, yea. Like I said before, I’m a multiverse researcher. Sometimes it’s a bit risky to interact with a universe, so you have to be stealthy. or change time-dilation factors to slow things down to interfere as little as possible. Admittedly, a lot of our tech is copied or stolen from other universes, so we have a lot at our disposal.”

“Ah, so you are a career criminal!” Almond said lightheartedly.

“It’s not like that, though!” Caprese defended. “We only take stuff that won’t be missed. I assumed the soulstones would be like that too, since, y’know, cookies can’t use them anyways, and they were just collecting dust in a locked room.”

“I suppose it wouldn’t have even been noticed that the stones were taken had you not knocked out Purple Yam Cookie just now,” Almond admitted. “In a way, you’ve sabotaged yourself.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Caprese muttered. “Look, I’m sorry, for being human, I guess. I know I’ve made things inconvenient for everyone.”

Almond considered a response but decided to stay quiet. After what seemed like a few minutes, the portal opened up behind them in the approximate area Caprese had predicted.

“Alright, that’s our ride,” Caprese announced matter-of-factly. “Time to go.”

Almond nodded, and the two of them headed back through the portal, one at a time.

Chapter Text

They returned through the portal to find the other cookies already waiting. Walnut’s eyes lit up as she saw her dad enter the room.

“Did it work?” She asked expectantly. “Did you find out what happened to the eighth stone?”

Almond answered her by pulling the soulstone out of his coat pocket.

“And the timeline’s stable, too!” Croissant announced happily.

“You two feeling ok?” She asked, more seriously. “That was a lot of time dilation to experience in a short period.”

“A bit dizzy,” Almond reported.

“Adrenaline from doing crimes!” Caprese joked. “Do… do cookies have adrenaline?”

“I have no idea what that is, but you two are definitely experiencing some side-effects of time dilation,” Croissant determined. “Not major ones, mind you, but enough that you should both sit down for a few minutes.”

“Fair,” Caprese responded, scooting out a chair and sitting down. Almond did the same. He felt like the room was spinning slightly, and his thoughts were somewhat foggy.

“We have the three stones we need, now!” Walnut said excitedly, handing the two other stones to her father. “We can bring the three cookies back to life!”

“Well, more like we’re one step closer,” Caprese corrected. “We still gotta actually get the souls or whatever inside them, and then we need to bake them, which we probably need a Witch’s oven for.”

“That’s going to be a challenge,” Almond muttered. “Not only would we have to avoid being seen or captured by the witch, we’d have to somehow be able to use the Witch’s baking tools.”

“Well, Caprese Cookie’s a human, right?” Croissant asked. “She’d be big enough.”

“But we don’t even know how to use the soulstones to make cookies!” Walnut responded.

“And what about getting the soul into them?” Almond added.

“That’s easy enough,” Caprese responded. “If the stones just need to be nearby when a cookie dies, we can hide them in the cookie house.”

“Cookie house?” Croissant asked.

“The crime scene,” Almond clarified. “The three cookies were eaten shortly after entering a cookie house located just outside the Cookie Kingdom.”

He pointed to the location of the house on the displayed map.

“The same place?” Croissant asked. “That definitely makes things easier.”

“At the same place, yes, but not at the same time,” Almond explained.

“Does that matter, though?” Caprese asked. “We hide the three stones in the house and collect them all after Lemon Wafer gets eaten. It won’t matter as long as we get the stones before the house is discovered.”

“Alrighty, let’s see,” Croissant said as she turned to the computer. “What day was the house discovered?”

Almond pondered for a moment.

“Was the same day I got knocked out by the decaf coffee,” Almond recalled. “That was Tuesday, if I remember right.”

“And when did those cookies get eaten?” Croissant asked. The lack of an immediate response caused her to turn around. Caprese and Almond were trying to think.

“I already mentioned I have an awful, awful sense of time,” Caprese muttered.

“We know it was before last Sunday,” Almond added.

“My notes!” Walnut remembered, rummaging through the belongings she had acquired. “I was the detective on this case after Lemon Wafer Cookie went missing, I should have the case info written down!”

She pulled out her notepad and began to flip through pages. After a few moments of searching, she finally found a page with the information she needed.

“It says here that the missing cookies report was filed on the 31st,” Walnut announced. “And Lemon Wafer Cookie took the case a few days after, but it looks like her notes stop after the 7th.”

“We can assume she was eaten on the 7th, then,” Almond inferred. “But if I recall, the missing cookies report for Boysenberry and Mulberry Cookie was filed shortly after they ran away, so that still doesn’t tell us exactly when they were eaten.”

“That gives us a time range, though,” Croissant replied. “It’s a start.”

“We found the house on the 15th,” Almond thought aloud. “ So our time frame is between the 31st and the 15th. That’s over two weeks.”

“Not ideal,” Croissant admitted. “We can assume the two kids weren’t dead when reported missing, since there’s no way they could’ve gone from the Hollyberry Kingdom to the Cookie Kingdom in a day. And if we assume Lemon Wafer Cookie was eaten shortly after her notes end…or, actually, she was reported missing too, right?”

“On the 8th or 9th, I believe,” Almond responded.

“Well that’s easier to work with,” Croissant decided. “You just need to go to the house before the kids were eaten and get the stones before you originally discovered the house.”

“Seems straightforward enough,” Almond said with a nod. “Simpler than the last task we had, anyhow.”

He pulled off the hat he had been wearing and looked at the rest of his outfit.

“Could I take this getup off, now?” he asked, pulling at the black fabric wrapped around his coat.

“We don’t need to be stealthy anymore, I don’t think,” Caprese answered with a shrug as she removed her mask and pulled her cloak off. Almond did the same with his disguise.

“The house isn’t in a populated area, which means you won’t need time dilation to stay hidden,” Croissant confirmed.

“Can I come?” Walnut pleaded. “I wanna help.”

“I suppose so,” Almond grinned. “You are the soulstone expert, after all. Was thinkin’ about how good you’d be at making sure we got the right stone when we were at the vault earlier.”

“So would it be us three, then?” Caprese asked.

“Yea, I think that will be fine,” Croissant nodded. “In the meantime, the rest of us can check in on what happened in the future after you two left.”

“Left?” Almond questioned. “More like kidnapped.”

“More like rescued from the witch,” Caprese grumbled under her breath.

“Croissant Cookie, how exactly are you planning to look into the future while the three cookies are in the past?” String Gummy asked warily. “You’d need to be monitoring them on the computer so that you can pull them back here at the right time. You can’t do both at once.”

“Well ….” Croissant responded sheepishly. “I did finish up a bit of a side-project… worked out all the kinks the prototypes had…it should be a lot-”

“What did you do? ” String Gummy asked accusingly. Croissant fumbled through a drawer behind her and pulled out some device before hiding it behind her back. Almond had enough of a glimpse to see a shiny metallic glint.

“What do you have!?” String Gummy asked more forcefully. “Hand it over!”

He moved to try to pull the device from Croissant’s hands. The two cookies scuffled for a moment before Croissant lost her grip, sending the device skittering across the floor.

“That’s a Time Manipulator!” String Gummy growled. He and Croissant jockeyed to get in front of each other as they dashed towards the dropped object. String Gummy was faster, but before he could grab the device, it was snatched away by an intruding cheese arm.

“Give it here!” String Gummy ordered, turning to Caprese. “You have no idea how dangerous that is!”

“I think I have a pretty good idea, judging from your reaction,” Caprese responded with a smirk. String Gummy growled and pulled out his gun, though the long barrel bumped into the table before he was able to point the weapon at Caprese.

“I said hand it over!! ” He growled again.

“Eesh, trigger-happy much?” Caprese chided before blocking the gun with her other cheese arm and pulling it down. “Why don’t you two talk this over before guns get pointed in cookies’ faces?”

String Gummy grumbled for a moment before sighing.

“Croissant Cookie…” he began. “You know how much damage Time Manipulators can cause. I went out of my way to destroy every last one, and even the schematics and blueprints used to make them. Your future self sacrificed herself just so I would have the chance to do so! Why would you go out of your way to create one behind my back!? ”

String Gummy’s face had switched from anger to an expression of profound disappointment. If Croissant Cookie really was the only cookie he trusted, Almond could understand his disappointment.

Croissant looked down.

“It was just in case. I put so much work into the time manipulators, I didn’t want it all to go to waste. I went back in time to copy my notes before you destroyed them.”

“In case what? ” String Gummy asked expectantly. “Why create more of those timeline-damaging devices!?”

“In case something like this happened!” Croissant argued. “These cookies need our help, cookie lives are at stake! Look, the prototype time manipulators were really messy, and they got used and misused way too much! With only one, it will be infinitely easier to fix things if anything goes wrong! And I fixed the stability issues, too!”

Almond watched as Caprese handed the device back to Croissant.

“And what does that thing do, exactly?” he asked.

“It’s a hand-held time machine, to put it simply,” Croissant explained. “Portable, user-friendly.”

“Cookies used them for the wrong reasons, I take it,” Almond inferred aloud.

“Yea,” Croissant admitted. “But it’ll be different this time; I’m not just giving them out to everyone at the TBD.”

“How does it work?” Almond asked. “If that little thing is dangerous enough to break timelines apart, I’d assume it needs at least a bit of a user’s manual.”

“Okay, so the big dial is for selecting the time you’re going to, and the smaller dial specifies the date. The buttons and the screen down there let you input coordinates and tell you where you are at any given time.”

“What about the hole in the bottom?” Walnut asked.

“....that’s the charging port,” Croissant answered. “Time Manipulator 2.0 has rechargeable batteries!”

“I hope you changed more than that,” String Gummy muttered.

“You’re not gonna just send us off with no practice though, are ya?” Almond questioned. “How do we know we’re using it right?”

“Easy, here,” Croissant responded, scribbling instructions on a loose piece of paper. She handed them over to Almond.

“I’ll put the inputs in when you leave, then all you have to do is put the inputs I wrote down in when you’re ready to come back.”

“Is this really the only option we have?” String Gummy grumbled something under his breath.

“Well, it’s the easiest,” Croissant responded.

“Wouldn’t the easiest option be to reset their timeline so that none of this ever happened!?” String Gummy retorted.

“No!” multiple cookies rebuked.

“My point is-!” String Gummy growled. “That the ‘easiest’ option doesn’t make it the right one! This is dangerous and you know it!”

“Dangerous just makes it more fun!” Caprese joked.

“You sound like Timekeeper Cookie,” String muttered. “This whole plan sounds like Timekeeper Cookie! Director Croissant Cookie would never do something so irresponsible!”

Croissant looked down at the floor again.

“Okay so, about that…” Croissant muttered

String Gummy glared.

“I know I’m a little more disappointing than the version of me you knew…” Croissant continued. “But I am still Croissant Cookie. But, there’s a third version of me… that you know by a different name…”

“No,” String Gummy said quietly.

“Timekeeper Cookie and I are …the same cookie,” Croissant finally finished.

The room was silent for a moment, interrupted by a single, sharp laugh from Caprese.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” String Gummy finally spoke, his anger fully replaced by disappointment.

“I wasn’t sure if I’d told you before, the version of me you knew before,” Croissant answered. “And, I was worried you’d think differently about me. You always talk about how much you hate Timekeeper Cookie. I’m trying not to become like her, but I didn’t want you to think any less of me just because she’s my possible future.”

The room went silent again.

“Fine,” String Gummy finally spoke. “You can use the time manipulator this one time. But no more secrets between us.”

“I promise,” Croissant responded. She turned to Almond as she adjusted the settings on the time manipulator.

“All you have to do is press that big button there when you’re ready to leave,” she explained as she handed the device to Almond. “Good luck.”

“I have a feeling we’ll need it,” Almond responded with a smile as he took the device.

“Let’s go save some cookies!” Walnut cheered.

“Ready, kiddo?”

“Ready!”

“Here goes nothing,” Almond announced as he pressed the button as Croissant had instructed.

A time rift opened in front of them, the force of which blew several loose pieces of paper across the room. Before Almond could say anything further, Walnut had already dashed ahead through the portal. He sighed, smiled, and took off after his daughter.

Chapter Text

Entering the clearing gave Almond an expected, but still eerie, sense of deja vu. The house stood at the center, freshly decorated and frosted, with a perfectly-set roof and a solid foundation. A stump at the edge of the clearing bore a welcome sign that was more ominous, yet somehow more inviting, than it had seemed the first time Almond had seen it.

“The house looks so much nicer,” Walnut observed aloud.

“It hasn’t been torn apart yet,” Caprese explained.

“Whose house was this, anyhow?” Almond asked. “We never found any information in regards to the house’s owner.”

“Oh, uh, I made it,” Caprese answered.

“You made it? As a human?” Almond asked in surprise. “All those smaller, intricate details? The furniture?”

“Oh, well, not all of it, but most of it,” Caprese clarified. “The structure of it was all me, but I had help with the furnishings.”

“Why make a cookie house?” Almond asked.

“To attract cookies… for food. It’s a cookie trap.”

“You tricked those poor kids into becoming your lunch.”

“I had another trap design that was basically just putting out a portal somewhere in the woods in the hopes a curious cookie would wander through, but that didn’t work too well,” Caprese explained. “The only cookie I ever managed to catch with it was you, and that was just ‘cause you managed to teleport to it by accident.”

“And what inspired you to disguise a death trap as a house in the woods?”

“Well, humans have a story, a fairy tale, called Hansel and Gretel.”

“And what’s that about?”

“Two kids get lost in the forest and find a house made out of gingerbread and candy that was made by a witch who wants to eat them.”

“That’s a bit on the nose,” Almond noted.

“Yea…” Caprese muttered. “I thought it was funny at the time, now I mostly feel bad. I was a bit more successful than the witch in that story, though…”

“Let’s just get this done quickly,” Almond muttered.

“Is it safe to go inside?” Walnut asked hesitantly. “If it’s a trap designed to catch cookies-”

“Well, I’m the one who designed it, so I know how to avoid triggering it,” Caprese explained. “Just don’t touch anything unless I say you can.”

The three of them approached the house cautiously, Caprese in the lead. The area around the house smelled of vinegar and freshly made jellies.

“That vinegar smell must’ve been what bothered Beet Cookie so much,” Almond assumed.

“Oh, yea, when I was making my cookie-self the first time, I accidentally spilled some balsamic vinegar on my desk,” Caprese explained. “Some of it got on the house. Honestly, kind of impressive cookies can smell without noses.”

“Pardon?”

“Nothing,” Caprese mumbled. She pointed to a bell above the doorway and slowly opened the door so as not to ring the bell. Once the door was cracked wide enough for a cookie to slide through, she slipped inside and gestured for Almond and Walnut to follow. She quietly closed the door behind them and flipped on a light.

“Should we stay quiet?” Walnut whispered.

“The bell was wired,” Caprese explained. “If it rings, human gets notified. Still is good to keep our voices down, though.”

The interior of the house was as pristine as the exterior. No furniture was damaged or askew, and the scent of fresh jellies was stronger here. Almond could feel the smell making him hungrier.

“It smells so good!” Walnut observed. “Jellies!” she exclaimed as she noticed a bowl of jellies set on the kitchen table. She trotted over towards the kitchen, but was stopped by Caprese.

“That’s the bait,” Caprese explained ominously. “Traps need bait.”

She glanced at the bowl.

“Good God I really did make those things tempting,” she muttered. “Now I’m hungry.”

“Could I just have one?” Walnut whispered.

“Kiddo, even if those jellies weren’t bait, Croissant Cookie said it could screw up the timeline if we eat any food in the past. Let’s just get the stones hidden and I’ll get you as many jellies as you want when we get home.”

Walnut nodded.

“Let’s see…” Caprese thought aloud. “This cabinet here is the one Mulberry tries to hide in, so we want the stones in a different cabinet. How about this one?”

She pointed to a chocolate armoire lined against the wall.

“There should be room for the soulstones in the drawers there.”

“Okay!” Walnut responded. She grabbed into her father’s coat for the three stones and carried them together to the cabinet. Realizing she didn’t have a free hand, she glanced back.

“I got it,” Caprese said as she pulled the drawer open with a cheese arm.

“Thanks,” Walnut said as she dumped the stones into the open drawer and closed it.

Almond froze as he heard something from outside. It sounded like cookie voices.

“Everyone, quiet!” he whispered. Caprese and Walnut froze where they stood, turning when they too heard the voices.

“That’s them, we need to move!” Caprese breathed as she ushered the two of them out the back door.

“How are they here already?” Walnut asked.

“Croissant didn’t know when they got here any more than we did!” Caprese explained. “Was a bad miscalculation. Whether we’re late or they’re early doesn’t matter, we need to get back into the forest!”

The three of them squeezed through the back door and dashed back into the forest. Almond pulled his coat back in anticipation of getting snagged on a stray branch again. The three cookies hurried to a hiding spot behind a large bush and watched as the voices grew louder.

Caprese had been right. The cookies now approaching the house were none other than Boysenberry and Mulberry Cookie.

“I suppose we got done what needed to be done,” Almond muttered. “Should we head back?”

“Might be good to wait until they’re inside,” Caprese suggested. “A time rift might draw attention.”

Almond nodded.

“Hello?” A young voice called out to the house. Almond assumed the voice was that of Mulberry Cookie.

“I don’t think anyone’s home,” a voice that was likely Boysenberry’s responded.

“I heard cookies talking, I’m sure of it,” Mulberry responded adamantly. “We need food and a place to stay, and you need to stop running off. I’m sure whoever lives here will let us stay for a while.”

“What if they’re not around? We can eat whatever’s in their kitchen!” Boysenberry offered mischievously.

“Stealing food?” Mulberry scoffed. “You’re just offering that up because you don’t want to go home yet. You’re worried any cookie who sees us is gonna bring us back home. And I don’t see that as a bad thing!”

“I hate that boring school!” Boysenberry argued. “I miss working at the farm. At least we could do things there!”

“Well, I think we’ve had enough adventure for a lifetime, what with me chasing you all across Crispia.”

Mulberry approached the door and knocked. As she waited for a response, Boysenberry pushed past her and pulled open the door, causing the bell to ring loudly.

“Hey, get back here!” Mulberry yelled after her brother before following him inside.

“They rang the bell…” Walnut muttered.

“Best be on our way before the human arrives,” Almond suggested. He fumbled in his coat pocket for the time manipulator. He pulled out the device and remembered that he was unsure how to actually use it.

“What happened to that paper with the instructions on it?” He asked as he continued to search his pockets. “I can’t just guess what to input!”

“Uh-oh,” Walnut muttered.

“‘Uh-oh’ what, kiddo?”

“I think it might’ve fallen out of your coat when I grabbed the soulstones. I’ll go-”

“No, you will not go look!” Almond responded. “The human’s gonna show up and eat those cookies any minute, we’ll have to wait for her to leave.”

“What if that paper messes up the timeline!?” Walnut argued.

“And what if you mess up the timeline!?” Almond responded. “You are not risking your dough for a piece of paper, end of discussion!”

Before Walnut could respond, a loud cracking noise emanated from the other side of the clearing. A massive portal had appeared, taller and wider than the house, though not as tall as a human. The tear in reality was close enough to the ground that it made the grass flutter with static. Almond found himself somewhat transfixed by the visual vortex. He shook himself out of it as he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye, spotting a figure dashing towards the other side of the house.

“Walnut-!”

He got up to sprint from his hiding spot in an attempt to catch up to his daughter, but he found himself muffled and restrained by a tangle of string cheese that pulled him back into the bushes, struggling.

“Shh! I’ll- She’ll hear you!” Caprese hissed, loosening the cheese arms’ grip. Almond continued to struggle, but he stopped as he saw the house dragged through the portal by two human hands. The portal then disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. There was no sign of Walnut in the now-empty clearing.

Almond felt as if his heart had completely stopped. Walnut was certainly in that house, and was just as certainly in great danger.

“Sorry, it was a risk to the timeline,” Caprese muttered as she released Almond. “If you’d been heard-”

“My daughter is in that death trap you designed!” Almond growled, pushing Caprese away. “‘Don’t risk the timeline.’ Everything you’ve done has been a risk to this timeline!”

“I get it! This situation is not ideal!” Caprese responded. “But all we can do now is wait and trust that your daughter knows what she’s doing.”

“Oh, I trust my daughter!” Almond shot back. “The one I don’t trust is you! How do I know you didn’t plan this!? All throughout this whole case, Walnut’s been running off practically every chance she gets!”

“How exactly is it my fault that your kid runs off all the time?” Caprese retorted. “That seems more like a parenting issue!”

“How dare you!? A child-eating monster like you knows nothing of what it’s like to be part of a family!”

He shoved Caprese hard enough away to make her stumble. She looked back at him in surprise, an expression that slowly morphed into one of rage.
Almond regretted the last words out of his mouth as Caprese let out an enraged shriek and lunged at him. She tackled him out into the clearing, hard enough to loosen sugargrass and cocoa dirt from the ground beneath them. He rolled to push Caprese off of him and got to his feet.

“You. Know. Nothing!” Caprese hissed before maneuvering herself behind him and smacking him to the ground with a cheese arm. As he worked to get back onto his feet, he felt a tug on his coat as he was violently yanked backwards with enough force to toss him across the clearing. He landed face down, forcing him to spend a moment to wipe dirt off of his face. He could hear Caprese approaching behind him.

“You judgemental dessert!” She growled. “You have no idea what I’ve seen, what I’ve been through! If all you’ll ever see me as is a predator, there’s no reason for me to see you as anything other than prey!”

Almond racked his mind for a way to subdue his assailant. Even in her cookie form, it would be hard to restrain Caprese with handcuffs since she had two sets of hands.
However, it occurred to him that the handcuffs could have another use. He had found them to be rather sharp when escaping from the cookie trap, they could potentially be an effective weapon. The chain would even give him a wider range to attack. He grabbed one end of the cuffs and prepared himself, leaping to his feet at a moment that caught Caprese off guard. As she flinched, he swung the handcuffs. He heard two soft thuds behind him, and turned to see two severed cheese hands on the ground and a stunned Caprese.

“Woah,” she muttered, glancing between her arms and the ground.

Almond drew his attention to Caprese’s headpiece. Destroying it would sever the human’s connection to her cookie form. He pulled all his focus into aiming for that tomato and swung again. He could see the spray of tomato juice and seeds as the handcuffs made a direct hit on their target with enough force to send Caprese falling backward. The cookie landed on the ground with a thud, twitching for a moment before growing still.

“Shouldn’t have told me your weakness,” Almond breathed.

Almond could hear his breath; a heavy, tired panting. He pulled himself up and tried to clear his mind. The house was still gone, along with his daughter, and while his assailant was now incapacitated, it meant he now had an unconscious cookie to deal with.
His thoughts were interrupted by a groan as Caprese Cookie began to stir.

“What!? ” he muttered to himself. There was no way the implant could still function in the condition it was currently in.

“Ow…” Caprese muttered. She groaned as she pulled herself to a sitting position. What was left of the implant slid off of her head and landed on the ground. She glanced at the debris in dazed confusion before putting a hand up to feel the side of her head.

“Oh…” she muttered.

“You’re… a cookie,” Almond realized. “But, how?”

“I had a feeling,” Caprese muttered, pulling herself up from the ground shakily. 

“Those things, the implants, they don’t work with time dilation, or time travel,” she explained. “The latency issues make it impossible. That jelly Timekeeper gave me, I was trying to figure out how exactly it worked.”

“You’ve been a cookie this entire time.”

Caprese nodded.

“I was suspicious of the candy because the physics didn’t add up, but the thing was, it tasted like blood,” Caprese explained. “Timekeeper had my blood from where they stabbed me. I still… I still don’t know what exactly that jelly was, but there must’ve been some weird astral magic involved. But even then, I don’t know how that made my cookie form function normally on its own. There just wasn’t enough-”

“Life powder,” Almond realized. “You weren’t in the room, but Timekeeper Cookie added a powder to that machine you used to create your cookie form. It was likely enough to make up for the original deficit.”

Caprese groaned.

“Of course she did.”

“Wouldn’t your human self have noticed?” Almond asked. “That you were autonomous.”

Caprese shook her head.

“I don’t think it really ‘activated’ until we went through the portal,” she explained. “I think the implant was still functioning normally until that point.”

Caprese groaned again and walked towards a fallen log at the edge of the clearing before sitting down.

“I couldn’t be certain of it until now, but I suspected it when I saw the map of all the portals,” she explained. “The implant needs a small portal to communicate between dimensions, so it’s traceable, but there was no trace of it near the vault.”

Sensing that Caprese was no longer a threat, Almond approached cautiously and sat at the opposite end of the log.

“I’m worried about Walnut,” Almond admitted, though he was certain this was obvious regardless. “She’s my daughter, after all.”

“Humans have families too, you know,” Caprese muttered.

“I realize that now,” Almond responded.

“Your daughter’s gonna be fine,” Caprese assured. “The fact that we’re still here means she hasn’t messed up the timeline, and I didn’t eat her when this happened before.”

“Just tell me this much; did you ever think about eating my daughter?”

“No,” Caprese answered, shaking her head. “Not seriously, anyways. I kinda convinced myself that she’d taste terrible just to make sure I wouldn’t be tempted.”

“Good.”

“It’s cute what you two have; father, daughter, detective duo. Look,” Caprese began. “I can see into other universes, other timelines; it’s part of what I do for work. There’s a decent amount of timelines where you don’t… have this. I’m not gonna take that away from you.”

“I don’t think I like the implication there,” Almond muttered. Caprese did not elaborate.

“I guess she kind of reminded me of myself when I was that age,” Caprese admitted. “Infinitely curious, always running off to explore. I needed the answers for the smallest of questions or it would eat up my mind!”

She paused and looked at the ground.

“That’s the thing though, with being curious. Sometimes you discover things that weren’t meant to be discovered. I-”

She paused once again, a hand going to her forehead for a moment before falling back down.

“I discovered proof of the multiverse, but not the kind of discovery that came with evidence. No one believed me. They called me insane. A liar. An attention seeker. I needed to prove them wrong, I needed to find a way to venture into another world. I became obsessive. And desperate. And in my desperation to prove my discovery, I didn’t really think of the consequences.”

She paused to sigh.

“When the wave function collapsed, so did my reality. In one timeline, my experiment succeeded; I was in a new world, a world whose existence was presumed to be impossible. In the other timeline, I had failed. Embarrassed, yet humbled.”

She looked up for a moment.

“I didn’t realize what I had done to my home reality at first,” she explained. “I was too caught up in the new world I had discovered. It wasn’t until I tried to get back home that things really….went wrong. I screwed up. When I tried to get back home, the resulting anomaly destroyed my timeline, along with the timeline I had discovered. I was the only one to survive, save for a few of my belongings that happened to be near the portal when it collapsed. It was really only luck that I survived at all.”

“You were the human who destroyed the place you’re from,” Almond realized.

“Yep…”

She sighed.

“I’m really the only one to suffer for that mistake. That identical timeline, where the experiment failed, is still out there, with me in it. Sometimes it feels more like I was the one who stopped existing.”

“That’s why you felt sorry for String Gummy Cookie,” Almond inferred aloud. “Despite… eating him alive earlier.”

Before Caprese could respond, a rift appeared across the clearing. Two human hands deposited the house where it had previously stood before disappearing back into the portal. The building’s current state was closer to the state it had been when Almond and Walnut had first discovered it. It was no longer square on its foundation, and the roof was no longer properly attached.

“Please be alright, kiddo,” Almond muttered to himself as he approached the house.

“I’m gonna clean this up!” Caprese called after him, pointing to the severed cheese hands and the remnant of the implant.

Almond nodded but continued towards the door. As he reached for the handle, the door opened. Walnut shuffled quietly out of the house. She was clearly distraught, though she rushed to Almond as she noticed her father. She wrapped her arms around him and began to sob.

“I saw- I saw everything!” she whimpered. “I saw what Caprese did to those kids! I couldn’t do anything!”

“But you did do something,” Almond pointed out. “Are the soulstones still in the drawer?”

Walnut sniffled but nodded. 

Almond followed Walnut back into the house as she went towards the armoire. The inside of the house was visibly less tidy than it had been prior. A few crumbs Almond assumed were from Mulberry Cookie were lose on the floor, and most of the furniture was somewhat askew, though it was still not as ransacked as when they had first found it.

“I found the paper,” Walnut muttered, handing him the note Croissant had written for them. “It was on the floor where we were standing.”

“Good job, kiddo. How’d you avoid getting spotted?”

“I snuck in through the back when things were loud,” Walnut explained. “Then I hid behind the cabinet that we hid the stones in.”

Almond followed Walnut to the cabinet as she reached for the drawer. His daughter took a deep breath and closed her eyes before pulling it open.

The smell of ripened berries almost instantly filled the room. The smell was not particularly strong, but it was unmistakable, even over the lingering scent of jellies.
Revealed inside the drawer were the three stones, two of which were stained a vibrant violet-blue. 

“It worked,” Almond breathed. “Kiddo, we did it.”

Walnut opened her eyes and looked down at the stones.

“Yea, we…we did it.”

Almond bent down to get eye-level with his daughter as he pulled the two berry-scented stones from the drawer and placed them in his coat.

“I should’ve listened to you,” Walnut muttered. “It was stupid of me to-”

“To risk the timeline for a piece of paper? ” Almond teased. “A little bit. But look at what we just did! Look at what you just did! You improvised in a high-risk scenario and kept yourself hidden and safe. Only a smart cookie could pull something like that off. And a brave one at that.”

Walnut nodded but still seemed somewhat distant. Almond followed her gaze to the window.

“You saw them get eaten, didn’t ya?”

Walnut nodded.

“Boysenberry Cookie was trying to prove that he was strong and brave even though he’s the younger sibling. Mulberry Cookie was trying to get him to stay inside and hide, but he ran outside to confront the human. Mulberry Cookie chased him out and saw him get eaten. She panicked and ran back into the house to hide, but hurt herself on the furniture while she was trying to escape. Caprese tore the roof off, and pulled out the cabinet Mulberry Cookie hid in.”

Walnut paused.

“They were screaming, a lot… I couldn’t do anything.”

“You’ve been through a lot these past few days, kiddo.”

Walnut buried her face in his coat. The two sat in silence for a moment.

“We’re still not done yet,” Almond reminded. “One last stone, and then we gotta figure out how to bake these cookies back to life.”

“Lemon Wafer Cookie,” Walnut muttered.

“Why don’t we head back and regroup with the time travelers?”

The two cookies quietly left the house and returned into the clearing. Caprese was waiting for them outside and glanced up as they approached.

“Everything alright?” she called. “You were in there for a while.”

Walnut grew tense and stopped.

“Dad, you gotta,” she muffled out an angry sob. “Arrest her!”

Caprese frowned but said nothing. Almond glanced between the two of them before looking at Walnut and nodding.

“Caprese Cookie,” Almond stated as he approached and drew out his handcuffs. “You are under arrest for larceny, triple cookiecide, assault on a law officer, and improper use of magic. You have a right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”

“I deserve this,” Caprese muttered as Almond applied the cuffs.

“That includes self-pity,” Almond added. He turned to Walnut.

“The time machine thing is in my right pocket with the instructions. You think you can get it to work for us while I keep this criminal detained?”

“Yea, okay,” Walnut muttered as she pulled out the device and the paper. She fiddled with the dials and buttons for a moment before holding the items up so that her father could double-check the setting she had input.

“Looks right,” Almond affirmed with a nod. “Hit the button when you’re ready.”

Walnut activated the time manipulator. Almond was starting to get used to portals; he didn’t even flinch as the anomaly opened up in front of them. 

“Alright, let’s roll out,” Almond encouraged, gesturing for Walnut to head through. He pulled Caprese through with him. After a moment, they were back at the TBD.

Chapter Text

“You’re back in one piece!” Croissant said cheerfully as she watched them return. “And the timeline’s in one piece, too!”

Caprese and Walnut took a seat at the table.

Croissant frowned as she noticed the less-than-enthusiastic expressions on their faces.

“Did it work?” She asked with concern. “You seem a little disappointed.”

“Things didn’t go quite as smoothly as our last trip,” Almond explained. “But we got two of the stones ready. Only one more to go.”

“Is Caprese Cookie in handcuffs?” Croissant asked, her concern switching to confusion.

“We roughed each other up a bit,” Almond explained. “Can’t exactly let a cookie get away with assaulting an officer.”

“I guess that’s not the only thing she’s guilty of,” Croissant considered aloud.

Almond looked up as he remembered something.

“Caprese Cookie, what did you do with the leftovers from our fight?”

“Oh, I ate them,” she responded matter-of-factly.

“You ate them. Of course you did…”

“It was just cheese and tomato!” Caprese responded defensively. “The hands’ll grow back eventually.”

“Wait,” Croissant muttered. “Did she eat part of herself?”

“Yes,” Almond began.

“Gross…”

“It’s just cheese!” Caprese argued again. “Y’all gonna make me lose my mind.”

“You arrested her for attacking you?” Croissant asked, turning towards Almond. “I understand the reasoning, but we may still need her help.”

“We’ll make that decision when we have to” Almond responded sternly. “For now, I want my daughter to feel safe.”

“Alright, well, anyways,” Croissant started. “String Gummy Cookie’s still mad at me. He took Strawberry Crepe Cookie on some sort of tour of the building since they were restless. We did have success for our recon mission to the future of your timeline where the kingdom was locked down.”

“Anything to report?” Almond asked.

“It’s pretty bad, actually,” Croissant admitted. “It seems like your friend with the blue hair, Tonic Cookie? They panicked a little when you disappeared, assumed that you’d been eaten too. Without any detectives left, they tried to get the resources to make the temporal lock over the kingdom. When the department still refused, Tonic Cookie went public about the human.”

“Oh, the media would’ve eaten that up faster than the human ate those kids,” Almond muttered. “Spreading hysteria around like butter.”

“The panic forced the department to give Tonic Cookie the resources to get the barrier up,” Croissant continued. “But even with the barrier, cookies are too scared to leave the kingdom.”

“You realize that barrier wouldn’t prevent me from ransacking the kingdom like a kaiju, right?” Caprese asked. “I could easily make a portal outside of the barrier and walk in. Not that I would, but like, theoretically. It would only block the implant signal.”

“What’s a kaiju?” Walnut muttered.

“Big monster,” Caprese answered.

“Whether or not the barrier works isn’t really the issue,” Almond responded. “The issue is the mass panic.”

“The good news is,” Croissant explained. “You can change that future. If you go back to when you left, you’ll have never gone missing.”

“Tonic Cookie would’ve never panicked and told everyone.”

“Exactly,” Croissant nodded as she turned back to the computer. “You still need to get the last stone, but there’s no rush on that; I can put the coordinates into the time manipulator whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m gonna keep the stones we’ve got here at the TBD for safekeeping regardless,” Almond said. “To misplace them after what we’ve been through is not a chance I’m willing to take.”
Croissant nodded.

“I think my daughter may need some space in the meantime,” Almond mentioned, gesturing to Walnut. “She’s had a rough day.”

“Croissant, can I talk to you one-on-one for a moment?” Caprese asked as she stood up from her seat. Almond narrowed his eyes.

“Oh, yea, sure,” Croissant answered somewhat hesitantly. “We can go into another room.”

Almond watched as Croissant and Caprese left the room. He wasn’t entirely certain why Caprese had requested to speak with her alone, but Almond assumed it was in regards to what Timekeeper had done. It wasn’t Croissant’s fault, at least not yet, but Almond wondered if a cookie could ever be held culpable for anything committed by their future self, at least in regards to the law. He turned to Walnut as he thought.

“You alright, kiddo?”

Walnut made a quiet whimper in response.

“You want me to leave ya alone?”

Walnut shook her head and made a soft sound of discomfort.

“Alright, kiddo, I’ll sit right here, then.”

“She knew what she was doing,” Walnut muttered. “She made sure those jellies were irresistible so that any cookie who found them would be trapped. She talked to all of them before she ate them; she knew they had feelings, but she didn’t care.”

She looked up and stared across the room absently.

“I was stuck in that house, hiding, and I couldn’t do anything. But it wasn’t just that. I just was stuck wondering, what if that had been me? This human, this cookie, who had been nice to me, had eaten those cookies like they were just talking jellies.”

“I don’t really have much to say, kiddo,” Almond responded. “These are all tough things to think about, especially at your age. I’m having trouble with it myself. All I can promise you for sure is that Caprese Cookie will never do anything to hurt you.”

“I’m gonna interrogate her when she gets back,” Walnut decided adamantly. Almond nodded.

“I’ll probably grab that last soulstone on my own, if Croissant Cookie allows it,” Almond suggested. “We got a big timeframe to grab it in, chances are low for things to go wrong, though I’d hate to jinx it, considering how this case has been so far. It’ll give you a chance to take a rest.”

Walnut nodded.

Almond could hear the murmuring of approaching cookie voices from the other side of the door. After a moment, it swung open, revealing Caprese and Croissant.

Walnut glanced up as the door swung open and sent Caprese a serious gaze.

“We need to talk,” Walnut stated with as much authority as a child the height of a toothpick could manage.

“Alright,” Caprese responded, pulling up a chair at the opposite side of the table. Croissant returned to the computer.

“Why were you nice to me at the library?” Walnut asked.

“Sorry?” Caprese responded, confused by the question.

“I mean, were you just nice to be nice, or?”

“Or trying to eat you or something?” Caprese asked with a head tilt.

“My dad thought you might’ve given me the jellies to make me taste better.”

“Of course he did,” Caprese muttered, rolling her eyes in Almond’s general direction. “Look, the truth is I would’ve been nice to any cookie who came to the library that day. It got really boring being alone in there, it was nice to have someone to chat with.”

“The fact that you used jellies in the house as bait made me nervous,” Walnut explained. “I thought that…that maybe my dad was right.”

Caprese sighed.

“Look, I can be a picky eater when I want to be. Most of the cookies I ate were either flavors I was curious about or flavors I knew I’d enjoy. And there are cookies that I avoided eating just because I knew I’d feel bad about it later, even with resetting timelines.”

“You didn’t want to eat me,” Walnut concluded.

“Nope,” Caprese confirmed. “Admittedly, the second time I ate your dad was because he was annoying me. Definitely freaked him out quite a bit, ha.”

“‘Freaked out’ is a bit of an understatement,” Almond muttered. “I saw myself get eaten, that’s not the kind of thing you expect to see when working a case.”

“I’m glad that you were nice to me, I guess,” Walnut muttered to Caprese. “But I can’t forgive you for what you did.”

“Sorry,” Caprese muttered back.

“You’re not sorry!” Walnut shot back. “You’d probably be eating a cookie again if you were human right now! You’re only sorry because there were consequences.”

“...I’m sorry you had to be involved,” Caprese clarified quietly.

“Almond Cookie?” Croissant interrupted. “Could I get that time manipulator back from you for a sec? I need to program the new coordinates in.”

Almond pulled out the device, along with the piece of paper Croissant had given him before, and handed both items back to her. She nodded appreciatively before returning to her work.

The discomfort in the room was palpable, though Almond sensed each cookie had a different emotion behind this tension. His daughter’s state was clearer to him; though he did not witness the events that she had, he knew enough to imagine what she must’ve seen while keeping hidden inside the house. Fear and helplessness as an unstoppable force takes the lives of two cookies in front of you.
And of course, Caprese was that force. And while she might not be that threat any longer, she knew the cookies around her still saw her as the human, at least to some extent.
Nevertheless, Almond did not feel particularly sympathetic.

Croissant was harder to place. She was deeply absorbed in her work, but Almond sensed she was still tense from the confrontation she had had with String Gummy earlier. She had betrayed his trust, and while perhaps for the right reasons, it would be difficult for her to gain that trust back.

Maybe it wouldn’t matter if her fate was to become the capricious chronokinetic. It seemed far-fetched for the girl at the desk to slowly descend into such madness, but Almond could see the resemblance regardless.

“Alrighty!” Croissant announced, oblivious to Almond’s staring. “Time manipulator is calibrated and ready when you are!”

“I’ll go,” Almond decided aloud. “Those two at the table don’t seem to be in the right headspace for this, they may need some time to themselves. I’ll be quick.”

“I updated the instructions on the paper,” Croissant explained. “Just grab the stone and do what you did before.”

“Understood,” Almond replied as Croissant handed him the two items. He examined them in his hands before looking back at her.

“I’ll be back shortly.”

“I know you will,” Croissant replied playfully. “I programmed it to bring you back 5 minutes from when you leave.”

“I see,” Almond muttered as he brought the device up to use it. “Anyhow, wish me luck.”

“See you soon!” Croissant called back as Almond summoned a portal and stepped through.

He found himself in the same spot by the clearing where they had arrived on their previous trip. Almond supposed this made sense. After all, sending them to the same spatial coordinates would give Croissant Cookie one less thing to program into the Time Manipulator. He placed the time machine back into his pocket before going further towards the house.

It appeared to be around dusk, just after sunset. A few pink streaks hung in the sky like cotton candy.

The house was as bad as the first time they had found it and worse than it had been when they had last left it. It was simple to conclude from this that Croissant had correctly found a time to retrieve the last stone. Lemon Wafer Cookie had been eaten.
Almond cautiously approached the doorway to find that the bell had been removed, though he could not discern if this was intentional or part of the damage to the house. The light Caprese Cookie had turned on earlier was still lit, though the scene it illuminated was far from bright.
Askew furniture. Crumbs. A streak of jam and a tuft of frosting. Almond sighed.

“We’re going to fix all of this, ma’am,” Almond promised. “We’ll get you and those kids back. Somehow.”

He approached the drawer and removed the last stone. The shining, yellow stone smelled of lemons. He exhaled and put the soulstone away.

“One step closer.”

The return trip went smoothly, though traveling through portals was still not something Almond particularly enjoyed. String Gummy and Strawberry Crepe had returned from their excursion, though it appeared this had not lightened String Gummy’s mood. The room was still tense, though Almond could sense Walnut’s mood lighten upon his return.

“That was quick!” She noted.

“All three stones are ready,” Almond added as he pulled the last soulstone from his coat pocket and set it on the table.

“I’ll be needing the time manipulator back,” Croissant noted. “I kinda promised String Gummy Cookie I’d lock it away when we’re done.”

“A reasonable request,” Almond replied as he handed the device back over.

“Now what?” Caprese muttered.

“We get you all back to where you belong!” Croissant replied. “Though I’m still trying to figure out exactly when and where that means.”

“Outside the church is probably the best option,” Almond replied. “We were there Friday, late afternoon.”

“...Which friday?” Croissant asked. “And, uh, which church?”

“The 18th. St. Pastry Order.”

“...Got it.”

She modified several settings on the control panel before turning back.

“I’d assume you’d be taking all eight stones with you? And the scanner?”

“And this criminal,” Almond added with a gesture towards Caprese. She rolled her eyes.

“Can you carry all eight soulstones?” Croissant asked. “Wasn’t it hard for you to hold even the first five you found?”

Almond nodded.

“We do have a few more hands this time around.”

“Who? Us?” Croissant asked. “We can’t get involved outside what needs time travel to fix.”

“Caprese’s got extra pockets,” Almond suggested.

“But she’s under arrest,” Walnut muttered.

“My cheese arms are shorter but I still got extra hands,” Caprese offered.

“Then you’ll carry the extras. How many soulstones do you reckon you can fit into those pockets of yours?”

“Like two, probably,” Caprese answered. “But I can probably hold a few in my cheese arms.”

“Dad, are we really gonna trust her with the soulstones?” Walnut whispered.

“She’s not exactly going anywhere,” Almond responded. “We’ll be fine.”

“Since you’re a cop, you have to write reports and stuff, right?” Croissant asked. “For temporal security reasons, could you not mention anything about time travel or the TBD in your paperwork?”

“You want me to lie in my report?” Almond asked lightheartedly.

“More like, fib a little?” Croissant offered. “Redact it. Just, we don’t want any more cookies knowing about time travel outside the ones who need to.”

“Understood,” Almond nodded.

“Anyways, I’ve got your stuff ready, and the coordinates are ready for you, too,” Croissant announced.

“To be entirely honest with you, I’m gonna need a coffee before doing anything else,” Almond admitted. “Working on this case has been exhausting.”

“Understandable,” Croissant replied. “There should be a machine in the room we had lunch in earlier. You can go ahead over there and grab a coffee while we bring everything out to the Clock Square, where we arrived earlier.”

“I’ll meet you there, then,” Almond decided aloud as he left the room for a much-needed americano.

He split from the group and found the coffee maker seated in the corner of the breakroom. Why he hadn’t seen it before or why no one had brought it up was something he was unsure of. The machine looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in years, but the pot itself was clean enough for Almond’s needs.

He filled a cup with hot water and espresso, took a swig that was nearly hot enough to burn, and placed a lid firmly around the rim before letting out a deep breath and turning back to join the others.

He was ready for things to feel slightly more normal.

Returning to the lobby-esque room Almond assumed was the Clock Square, he found the cookies waiting for them. Croissant gestured for him to join the group.

“We’ve got the scanner and the soulstones ready for you, are you able to carry all 8 soulstones and the scanner?”

“Couldn’t you just teleport the scanner back?” Caprese pointed out. “Timekeeper stole it, after all, just put it back where it was.”

“Good point,” Croissant responded with a nod. “I’ll send it through after you guys are back in your timeline.”

“Caprese will carry the first five soulstones,” Almond decided. “Walnut and I will carry the other three.”

“Espresso, Almond, Vanilla, Mint, Cocoa,” Caprese counted aloud. She released her cheese arms, which seemed relatively intact despite the damage they had received earlier. With a sharp flicking motion, the two arms split into four.

“You’ve been able to do that this whole time, haven’t ya?” Almond muttered.

“Yup.”

“...Ya keep makin’ those handcuffs feel even more useless.”

Caprese ignored his comment and scooped a soulstone into her pocket before grabbing one in each cheese hand. Almond sighed and grabbed the two blue stones before putting them into his pockets. Walnut held the lemon-scented stone.

“Looks like everyone’s ready,” Croissant decided aloud. “Let’s get this rift up so you can all get back to where you need to be.”

She interacted with a nearby control panel, causing a rift wide enough for several cookies to pass through to appear.

“I appreciate your help,” Almond said with a nod.

“Of course!” Croissant replied. “I always try to help cookies in need. Though, this was a bit complicated in a lot of ways… Either way, good luck in finishing your mission to bring those cookies back to life.”

“Considering how things have been, we’ll need that luck,” Almond responded. “So long for now. I won’t forget you, but I’ll keep you out of my reports.”

“What about Strawberry Crepe Cookie?” Walnut pointed out.

“Sounds like they’ve made themselves at home in the robotics department,” Croissant responded with a shrug. “And we can always send them back if they change their mind.”

“Goodbye for realsies this time,” Caprese said as she disappeared through the portal. Almond groaned.

“We really should catch up to her before she escapes,” Almond said apologetically as he pulled himself and his daughter through the wormhole.

Chapter Text

The portal led them right to the spot they had parked their car. The castle stood menacingly overhead, cast in the shadow of the Witch’s wall. Caprese leaned casually against the side of the squad car.

“Last time I was here I was bigger than that castle,” Caprese noted, gesturing to the cathedral. She turned back towards the car.

“This your ride?”

Almond ignored her and unlocked the car.

“She didn’t run away,” Walnut observed quietly.

“Get those soulstones in the trunk,” Almond ordered as he pulled it open. “We need to get out of here before those cultists realize we’re here.”

“Catch!” Caprese called before tossing a stone in Almond’s general direction. He fumbled to catch it.

“Do NOT throw them!” Almond chided, placing the stone into the trunk. Caprese grinned mischievously but obliged. Walnut did the same, and soon all eight stones were safe in the trunk. Almond shut the trunk and opened one of the rear doors to the car.

“Get in,” He ordered to Caprese as he pulled her into the back seat. “And buckle yourself in; normally I’d do it myself, because of the cuffs, but I know you’re more than capable of strapping yourself in with those cheese hands.”

He shut the door as she sat down and opened the front passenger side door for his daughter before getting into the driver’s seat. Once he was certain everyone was strapped in, he started the car and drove back towards the kingdom.

“Ugh, there’s like no legroom back here,” Caprese grumbled as she shifted in the backseat. “And these seats have no cushioning.”

“They’re made of hard candy,” Almond responded. “Easier to clean.”

“Good to know,” Caprese muttered with audible annoyance. Several minutes of silence passed before she spoke again.

“What’s the cookie criminal justice system like, anyways?”

“You do a crime, ya get arrested,” Almond explained. “Then your crimes will be judged by a council of magical law professionals to determine your level of guilt and determine a proper punishment.”

“Do cookies ever get the death penalty?”

“What, you think we’re gonna execute you?”

“Nah, I was just thinking the human would be a pretty effective and cheap execution method. She’d be like a sentient guillotine. And free snacks.”

Almond sighed.

“Of course that’s what your mind goes to.”

“Wait,” Walnut muttered. “Why did you refer to yourself, the human, in third person?”

“That’s right,” Almond noted. “You weren’t there for that.”

“For what?” Walnut asked, mildly bewildered. She glanced at her father before turning around in her seat to look at Caprese. Caprese gestured to the right side of her head.

“You’re missing your hairpin,” Walnut noted. It took her a moment, but Almond saw the moment her eyes lit up in realization.

“The tomato! It’s not just a hairpin, it’s how you control your cookie form!” Walnut realized. “If you don’t have it, that means the human isn’t controlling you. It means… you’re a cookie!”

Caprese grinned and leaned across the backseat like a couch.

“Yep.”

“So you’re a cookie, but you have the human’s memories and personality,” Walnut inferred. “Wait, but, we need you as a human in order to bake the cookies in the witch’s oven!”

“Well I have no idea what human-me is up to right now, so good luck with that.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Almond reassured.

“But doesn’t that also make Caprese Cookie innocent, technically?” Walnut asked. “She has the human’s memories, but she wasn’t the one who ate those cookies.”

“Kiddo, you were the one who told me to arrest her,” Almond pointed out.

“Yea, but I thought she was the human,” Walnut argued. “And I guess she sort of still is? But it’s different.”

“We’re all confused, kiddo.”

The car was silent for a few more minutes before Walnut finally spoke again.

“....can we listen to radio?”

“Only until we get in range of the kingdom,” Almond replied. “I’ll wanna touch base with Tonic Cookie once we’re in communication distance.”

“Okay,” Walnut responded before fiddling with the radio. After a moment, the static shifted to a generic, saccharine pop-song. He did not exactly share the same taste in music with his daughter.

“Cookie music,” Caprese muttered from the backseat. “What’s this band?”

“It’s the CAKE POPS!” Walnut explained cheerfully. 

“I made some cake pops once,” Caprese muttered again.

“The band has five members,” Walnut explained. “Coconut Cream, Coffee Fruit, Spearmint, Choco Banana, and Popping Candy Cookie. Popping Candy Cookie’s my favorite; even though he’s the smallest, he has the loudest voice!”

“They sound delicious,” Caprese teased.

Almond groaned.

“They do, though!” Caprese insisted. 

“Bit of advice, don’t say things like that in front of the jury,” Almond advised.

“We’re gonna have a trial?”

“You ate three cookies! Of course we’re having a trial! Still got a lot to sort through first, though.”

“You’re at least gonna try to rebake them first, right?”

Almond sighed.

“We’re gonna do our best. The fact is, I have no idea how we’re getting into the Witch’s house undetected, much less how we’re gonna bake those cookies without getting caught and eaten.”

“If you were still the human,” Walnut began. “You’d be big enough to help us. But…”

“But I’m just a cookie like you guys now,” Caprese finished. “I don’t even know what my human self is doing right now.”

“Human’s got a name, doesn’t she?” Almond asked.

“Huh?”

“I figure, if you weren’t a cookie originally, that means you gave yourself the name Caprese Cookie. Surely you had a different name before, when you were human? We may need it to distinguish you as a cookie from you as a human.”

“Oh uh, right. My- her name is Warper.”

“Warper Human,” Walnut muttered.

“No. Human names don’t work like that!” Caprese corrected lightheartedly.

“Regardless, I still gotta figure out what to do with you,” Almond said. “And we still have to figure out what to do about the soulstones.”

The car was silent for several more minutes, save for the pop music still coming from the radio. After some time, the tips of the castle spires came into view. Almond waited for the song playing on the radio to finish before switching over to the police scanner.

“Sorry kiddo; I gotta check in with Tonic Cookie.”

He adjusted the radio to the correct frequency before calling in.

“Cookie Kingdom Dispatch? This is Almond Cookie. Do you copy?”

“Copy that, what’s your twenty?” a cookie responded through the speaker.

“En route back to town. Suspect in custody. Need to discuss details with Tonic Cookie upon arrival.”

“Copy that.”

Almond turned the radio back off and exhaled.

“When we reach basecamp, Caprese Cookie’s staying in the car while you and I talk with Tonic Cookie,” Almond explained to Walnut. 

“You’ll roll the windows down for me at least, right?” Caprese asked. “I don’t know about cookies, but human law says it's illegal to keep anyone in a parked car unless the windows are down or the air conditioning is on.”

“You’ll be fine,” Almond assured. “If you’re worried about heat, the car’ll melt before you get close to baking temperature.”

“Ah yes, that makes me feel much better,” Caprese responded sarcastically. “I can become one with this terrible seat.”

The kingdom continued to grow closer, and soon they had passed the city limit. Almond drove to the basecamp, frowning as he passed news vans still stationed nearby.

“Media’s still here,” he grumbled. As he parked the car, he was spotted by a news crew, who swarmed him before Walnut had even opened her car door.

“Back up and let my kid get out of the car!” Almond ordered. The crew obliged as Walnut pushed her door open and exited the vehicle. She came around the front of the vehicle to Almond’s side, glancing at the news crew cautiously.

“There’s a cookie in the back of the vehicle!” A cookie noticed. Almond tried not to visibly grimace as he anticipated the inevitable onslaught of questions.

“Is that the suspect?”

“Can you tell us anything about this cookie-of-interest?”

“Have the missing cookies been located?”

Almond did his best to ignore them and led Walnut through the crowd to Tonic Cookie’s trailer. Sensing their questions would not be answered, the crowd turned their attention to Caprese Cookie in the back seat and swarmed the car. Almond groaned but continued inside the trailer.

Tonic Cookie was waiting for them inside, and was not preoccupied for a change.

“You were able to arrest the suspect?” Tonic asked. “I assume that means you’ve arrested Caprese Cookie, rather than having a full human tied up outside?”

“That is correct,” Almond confirmed. “I doubt a full human would fit inside the back of a squad car.”

“It would probably be easier to fit a squad car inside a human,” Walnut offered. Almond smiled slightly.

“But she is not dangerous?” Tonic asked, in a quiet, more serious tone. “As in, there is no risk of her transforming back into a human at any moment.”

“There is no risk there, but things are a bit more complicated,” Almond explained. “You see, the human has… somehow accidentally implanted her memories into Caprese Cookie. We may have apprehended Caprese Cookie, but the human is still at large. Quite literally, if you will.”

“That complicates things in multiple ways,” Tonic decided. “We have a cookie who has the same personality and memories as the criminal, but I don’t believe we can hold her criminally liable for anything the human has done. The greater issue is that the human is still capable of causing harm.”

“It’s an issue of punishment or prevention,” Almond considered. “To convict Caprese Cookie would only serve as a punishment. The human would still be free to do anything she desired.”

“Cookie lives are at stake,” Tonic continued. “Prevention is the only logical step forward.”

“We do have good news, however,” Almond added. “Eight soulstones have been retrieved, though their properties have changed.”

“Then they can be returned to Pure Vanilla Cookie after brief examination.”

“We need to keep three of them,” Almond responded.

“Pardon?”

“Those things are called soul stones for a reason. They can contain a piece of a cookie’s soul. Three of those stones contain the souls of the three missing cookies.”

Tonic Cookie stared at Almond in shocked confusion.

“There may be a way to bring them back to life,” Almond explained. “It will be difficult, however.”

“My celestials,” Tonic breathed.

“We have to bake them in the Witch’s Oven.”

“How on Earthbread are you going to manage that!?”

“I don’t know,” Almond admitted. “We can’t go back to the church for advice; those cultists tried to kill us. The museum may have information, and Caprese Cookie may know something, as it seems the human has been inside the Witch’s house, but to navigate such a space would need help from a cookie who’s been inside.”

“Caprese Cookie is certainly a start,” Tonic Cookie offered. “How cooperative has she been?”

“Surprisingly cooperative,” Almond replied. “She’s got three sets of arms, you think I could restrain her properly with a single pair of handcuffs if she wasn’t cooperative?”

“So she was arrested of her own volition.”

“My primary concern is not her level of cooperation,” Almond said. “It seems she may have retained the human’s dietary preferences. While I doubt she will attempt to eat cookies in her current state, we may need to find her a substitute, for our safety and for her comfort.”

“Pizza,” Walnut proposed. “The mint choco pizza, she said it’s made out of cookie dough.”

“Surely that’s a health code violation,” Tonic muttered.

“It’s certainly an option,” Almond agreed, ignoring Tonic’s comment. “I’ll call in an order, and inquire about the ingredients in that dessert pizza.”

He pulled out a phone to do just that.

The cookie on the other end greeted him with a generic script before he had a moment to speak.

“Would you be able to tell us the type of dough used in the Mint Choco Dessert Pizza?” Almond asked.

“Oh, we use a special biscuit dough made in-house,” The cookie on the phone offered.

“Biscuit dough,” Almond muttered. “Alright, we’ll take one of those, and…”

He paused and turned to the others.

“Are we good with just a cheese pizza?”

Walnut looked as if she was considering the option for a moment before nodding.

“And a cheese pizza,” he finished, turning back towards the phone. He completed the order before hanging up the phone and turning back to Tonic Cookie.

“If that pizza’s really got any cookie dough in it, you’ll be able to check with your equipment, correct?”

“Yes, that’s what the flourensics equipment is designed for.”

“Then we’ll run a test on the pizza dough, and use what’s left to make sure our suspect doesn’t get too jam-thristy.”

“Are you suggesting we interrogate her in my lab?” Tonic asked with concern. “Ignoring protocol issues, is that safe?”

“As I said previously, she has been significantly more cooperative as a cookie than she was as a human,” Almond assured. “Risk would be minimal, and getting information now would be more convenient.”

“You may as well get the human now, then,” Tonic suggested. “Well, the human in a cookie body. This case is rather confusing.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Almond muttered lightheartedly. He opened the door and went outside, immediately noticing the swarm of news crews still encircling the squad car. Their behavior told Almond that they were likely trying to interview Caprese from inside the car, though he knew the car was soundproof enough to make any attempts rather incomprehensible.

“Out of the way, everyone,” He ordered, waving for the cookies to disperse. “This is still an ongoing investigation.”

He pulled open one of the rear doors to grab Caprese. She glanced over as he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of the vehicle.

“What’s going on?” She asked.

“You’re coming with me.”

“Yeah, no, I figured that much.”

He pulled her back over to the trailer, ignoring the reporters trying to get close. Caprese seemed to notice his intention and tripped several cookies with a cheese arm to prevent them from getting closer.

“Try not to injure any bystanders,” Almond advised. Caprese smirked slightly.

They entered the trailer, Almond pulling Caprese in front of him before closing the door behind him.

“That’s the human?” Tonic Cookie asked, perplexed. “That cookie form is rather convincing.”

“Thank you,” Caprese said in a playful tone. “Baked it myself.”

“Fascinating,” Tonic murmured, pacing around Caprese to examine her. “For the mind of such a dangerous creature to be contained in a cookie’s body. Your previous cookie form was destroyed by Dark Enchantress Cookie, correct?”

“I, yes,” Caprese responded.

“But before, you were not autonomous?” Tonic asked. “You and the human were one and the same. Yet now, you are a fragment of the human’s mind confined in dough.”

“That’s one way to put it, I guess,” Caprese agreed.

Tonic paused for a moment to think.

“Would you be able to demonstrate the difference in scale between a human and a cookie?”

“Probably,” Caprese replied. She glanced at her cookie hands.

“So a human hand is slightly larger than a cookie; the fingers are long enough to hold onto any cookie regardless of their size. But proportionally, humans have longer legs and smaller heads.”

“I see,” Tonic noted. “And compositionally, what are the primary ingredients in a human? I assume you are not made of dough, at least from the information I have obtained.”

“That’s kind of a complicated question,” Caprese admitted. “We’re primarily water, combined with fats, starches and sugars, proteins. Basically we’re made of a few trillion microscopic little squishy spheres supported by bones.”

“Mostly water,” Walnut thought aloud. “No wonder your mouth makes cookies get soggy.”

“Actually, our mouths produce a protein that can digest the starches in cookie dough as well,” Caprese corrected. Walnut made a quiet whimper.

“How large is a freshly baked human?” Tonic Cookie asked. “Assuming that humans have children.”

“That is the weirdest question I have ever been asked,” Caprese wheezed. “Humans do have kids, but we don’t get baked in ovens.”

“Ah, then how do you-?” Tonic Cookie asked, but was cut off as Caprese continued.

“Human babies are probably around the size of a cookie house.”

“Woah,” Walnut muttered nervously.

“I suppose the most important question left, then,” Tonic began. “...is in regards to the diet of humans.”

“Had a feeling you were getting to that,” Caprese murmured.

“Are cookies your primary prey, or do you have a more varied diet?”

“Humans are omnivores, so we eat a lot of things,” Caprese explained. “In the wild, we primarily eat fruits and nuts. Since cookies were created by humans and witches, it’s more that cookies were designed to be eaten, rather than humans adapting to eating cookies.”

“Designed… to be…” Tonic muttered hesitantly before shaking their head. “Wild humans eat nuts. …Are you aware that two of the cookies in this room have nuts in their dough?”

“Of course I know that, I already ate this idiot twice!” Caprese responded, gesturing to Almond. Almond frowned.

“...Twice?” Tonic asked in confusion.

Before Caprese could clarify, there was a knock at the door.

“Pizza’s here!”

“The pizza,” Almond remembered. Walnut opened the door for the pizza delivery cookie.

“I’ve got a large cheese pizza and a Mint Choco dessert pizza here,” the cookie announced. “That’ll be 2,000 coins.”

“Eesh,” Almond muttered as he pulled out his wallet to pay. The cookie handed over the pizzas and paused.

“You’re the cops who said to tell you if any cookies got bad dreams, yea?” She asked.

“That’s correct, yes,” Almond replied, shooting a glance at Caprese, who avoided his gaze.

“I got this weird dream the other night,” the cookie continued. “I was delivering pizzas like I usually do, when suddenly everything got weird, and suddenly, instead of the road, I was, like, on this huuge table. And at the table there was this, like, huge, witch-sorta creature. And I was like, ‘did you order the pizzas?’ And she was like ‘maybe.’ And I was like, ‘well if you didn’t order the pizzas I gotta leave,’ and then she grabbed me, and, like, I told her that you’re supposed to eat the food in the box, not the delivery driver, but she didn’t listen! She just ate me right then and there!”

Pizza Cookie shuddered.

“Guess she couldn’t tell the difference between a Pizza Cookie and a pizza pie…"

She trailed off for a moment before shaking her head.

"Um, anyways, I gotta go finish my deliveries.”

The cookie dashed back through the door and onto her delivery bike before Almond could stop her. He sighed as the door closed.

“Sorry…” Caprese muttered.

“It doesn’t matter, you already admitted to that one,” Almond responded.

“Pardon me,” Tonic spoke up. “But could either one of you explain what precisely is happening with cookies’ dreams? Or how Almond Cookie was supposedly eaten twice?”

Almond exhaled.

“Tonic Cookie, this has been an extremely complex case. To go into exact detail on any one aspect will be a challenge in itself. The best way I can explain it is that the human has been duplicating cookies by altering reality and then eating them. The cookies survive this process, but they retain a memory from their duplicate’s experience of being eaten in the form of a dream.”

“I see,” Tonic replied, thinking. “And how many cookies has Caprese eaten in this manner?”

“Sixteen. Nineteen if you include the three cookies who were permanently eaten. Which brings us to another matter of discussion.”

“Which is?” Tonic asked.

“The soulstones,” Almond answered. “Soulstones can absorb the souls of any cookies who die nearby. Since Caprese had stolen the soulstones, they absorbed the souls of the cookies she ate.”

“And you believe it is possible to revive the cookies she killed with these stones?”

“Yes.”

Almond noticed Caprese shift behind them awkwardly.

“...the food,” Caprese muttered, gesturing to the pizzas.

“Right,” Almond noted, opening the boxes to examine the pizzas. Caprese looked about ready to grab a slice of the dessert pizza, but was stopped by Tonic Cookie.

“You will earn this with your cooperation,” Tonic explained, taking a sample of dough from the pizza before closing the box and putting it into a nearby freezer. Caprese let out a disappointed grumble. Tonic placed the dough into a vial before shaking it and placing it into a centrifuge. They turned back to the others.

“So you need to keep three of the eight soulstones in order to revive the missing cookies, correct?”

Almond nodded.

“From what we understand, it is possible to resurrect a cookie using their soulstone and a witch’s oven. We have the soulstones, and we know where the witch lives. The challenges, of course, are significant. We must navigate into the witch’s kitchen, which will require a way in, a way to scale the large furniture, and a way to avoid being spotted. We need to bake the cookies to resurrect them, which will require us to use tools far too large for cookie hands, and also require us to know what we’re doing, which we don’t.”

“I have baked things before,” Caprese offered. “But I’m not very good at cracking eggs.”

“Are your cheese arms strong enough to use human baking tools?” Almonds inquired.

“...probably not,” Caprese admitted.

“If you were still human, this would be easier,” Almond agreed. “You’d be able to get in without obstacles or risk of being eaten, and you’d be strong enough to use the baking tools.”

“I… Warper is probably still doing research,” Caprese offered. “I’d say there’s like a 25% chance she’d be at the witch’s house at any given time. We can get to the house, hide somewhere, and then try to get her to help us when she shows up.”

“This ‘Warper,’ is that the human’s name?” Tonic asked.

Almond nodded.

“However, the human is significantly less cooperative than Caprese Cookie.”

“Is there an alternative option?” Tonic asked.

“Unfortunately, no,” Almond replied. “But we’d still need a way into the witch’s house regardless. Ideally, we’d have a cookie who knows the place to guide us.”

“Eclair Cookie knows a little bit about witches,” Walnut offered. “Maybe he could-?”

“Eclair Cookie is book-smart, not street-smart,” Almond responded. “We need a cookie who’s actually been inside…”

He paused for a moment as something jogged his memory. In fact, he did know of a cookie who’d been inside, one who’d even offered to help them.

One who had even escaped from the Witch’s Oven himself.

GingerBrave.

Chapter Text

“I know just the cookie we need,” Almond declared. “Not sure why I didn’t think of it sooner.”

“Who?” Walnut asked expectantly.

“That kid, GingerBrave, the one who said he saw a witch eat a cookie. He was baked in the same oven we gotta use to get those kids back.”

“Really?”

“Sounds like he escaped from the oven before he even finished baking,” Almond continued. “And he escaped the house as well. We need a cookie who knows how to navigate that place.”

Caprese groaned quietly but said nothing.

“What’s that groaning about?” Almond inquired. “Not a fan of that kid?”

“No, it’s, ugh,” Caprese muttered. “He just seems like the idealistic type. Like the sort of person, er, cookie, who’d do his own thing if he thought it was the right thing to do. He doesn’t seem like the type to plan things out carefully.”

“Well, you don’t exactly get a say in things at the moment aside from advice,” Almond pointed out. “You’re still very much in custody, despite the uselessness of those cuffs. We’re getting GingerBrave’s help unless ya got a better idea.”

“Fine…”

“The test on the dough should be finished shortly,” Tonic announced.

“That’s right,” Almond noted before turning to Caprese. “We called the pizza place. They said the dough they use for the dessert pizza is biscuit dough.”

Caprese gave him a weird look for a moment.

“That’s…literally the same. Do cookies eat ‘biscuits’?”

“Well, yes, though biscuit dough is also used to make furniture and houses.”

“This is some weird semantics thing, isn’t it?” Caprese muttered. “Cookies and biscuits are the same. Like, literally synonyms.”

“But biscuits don’t contain life powder,” Almond argued.

“That doesn’t matter,” Caprese replied. “All the other ingredients are the same. They taste the same. Whether they’re alive or not doesn’t matter from a human perspective.”

“You’ve been a cookie for long enough to know that being alive or not does matter from a cookie perspective.”

A chime beeped from the centrifuge.

“Test completed,” Tonic announced. “Parsing the data now.”

“...When are we gonna eat the pizza?” Caprese muttered.

“Shortly,” Almond stated sternly.

“Data is about what I expected,” Tonic said. “Dough is compositionally similar to cookie dough, though no traces of life powder were detected.”

“I’ll be able to confirm if they taste the same if you let me have a slice of that ice cream pie,” Caprese persuaded. “I did eat the real guy, after all.”

Almond let out a quiet exasperated sigh.

“Very well,” Tonic said. “You may have one slice.”

Caprese grinned and pulled open the freezer doors before Tonic could move towards the refrigerator and removed both boxes of pizza, sliding the cheese pizza across the table towards Almond before removing a slice from the dessert pizza box. She took a bite and grinned.

“Mmm, it really does taste like him,” Caprese purred. “Guess you cookies aren’t completely missing out on how delicious you are.”

“...This concerns me on multiple levels,” Tonic muttered.

“Imagine that slice of pizza is a cookie begging for their life,” Almond said. “That’s what we’ve had to witness, dealing with the human.”

“...That makes it worse,” Tonic muttered again.

Almond spotted Walnut hesitantly take a slice of the dessert pizza from the corner of his eye.

“Kiddo, you serious?”

“I’ll just eat the ice-cream,” Walnut offered sheepishly.

“I suppose I may have to try a slice,” Tonic murmured. “For research purposes, of course.”

“Both of you,” Almond sighed. “Caprese Cookie, you’re a terrible influence.”

Caprese let out a cackle in between bites.

“Kids can’t resist sweets, everyone knows that,” Caprese replied. “And your glowy friend here seems to be morbidly curious.”

“Unfortunately, there is certainly a… gustatory appeal to this dessert,” Tonic admitted. “I can understand why humans enjoy …eating us.”

“Don’t get too worked up about it,” Caprese assured. “Mint Choco’s one of the better tasting cookies out of the ones I’ve tried. It’s a bit hit or miss when it comes to how tasty a particular cookie is.”

“But if there truly is no distinction between cookie and biscuit from a human perspective,” Tonic pointed out. “And if witches, or humans, created cookies with the intention to eat us, why, then, the need for us to be alive?”

“Takes longer for ya to get stale,” Caprese replied with a smirk. “And makes things a bit more… exciting.”

Almond’s eyes narrowed.

“Had a feeling you enjoyed more than just the flavors.”

“It’s entertaining to feel like a big hulking monster, alright?”

“Well, it’s terrifying for everyone else!”

“What exactly do you plan to do with Caprese Cookie?” Tonic asked. “It may not be ethical to keep her here for research purposes, and she may not be entirely liable for what the human has done, but it doesn’t seem advisable to let her free, either.”

“She’ll stay in custody for the time being,” Almond affirmed. “I’ll be bringing her to the local detention center when we’re done here. Once we have a plan in motion that requires her help, we’ll have her out temporarily.”

“And presumably hold a trial thereafter, yes?”

“We’ll have to contact the magical council,” Almond confirmed. “But yes, a trial seems a logical endpoint to all this.”

Almond glanced over as Caprese finished her slice of pizza and reached for a slice of cheese pizza. She looked over as she began to nibble at the tip of the slice.

“Still not sure what to think about this cookie,” Almond muttered. “Acts harmless but every word out her mouth makes ya feel unsafe. We’ll take her with us when we leave, but I’ll need to bring you five of the soulstones we’ve collected so that they can be returned to Pure Vanilla Cookie.”

He glanced between Walnut and Tonic Cookie.

“You two keep an eye on Caprese Cookie,” he advised. “I’ll go grab the soulstones.”

As he went outside, he noted that the news crews had dispersed, apparently losing interest in the investigation for the time being. A few cookies still lurked around basecamp, though none did more than glance up as Almond approached the car. He pulled open the trunk and made sure the correct soulstones were separated before placing two soulstones in his pockets and doing his best to carry the remaining three stones in his hands. With his hands full, he was forced to push the trunk closed with his elbow.

Hands full, he was also forced to knock on the trailer door with his elbow. Before he was even finished knocking, the door swung open.

“Thank you,” he began as he brought himself inside, pausing as he noticed the cheese arm still holding the door open.

“Figured you’d have your hands full,” Caprese replied.

“A correct inference,” Almond said as he set the stones onto the table. Tonic immediately pulled towards them to get a closer look.

“And these colors are representative of the absorbed souls,” they asked, examining the objects carefully. “Do you know which of the human’s victims these belong to?”

“The soulstones for the three missing cookies are still in the car,” Almond explained. “Those stones in front of you are from five of the cookies she duplicated in order to prey upon them.”

“Do you know the victims’ names?”

“Espresso Cookie, Cocoa Cookie, Mint Choco Cookie, Pure Vanilla Cookie, and myself.”

“Are their surviving counterparts aware of what has happened?”

“Somewhat,” Almond replied. “Most of them assume their recollection is a dream. The stones themselves do still technically belong to Pure Vanilla Cookie, however, so they should be returned to him.”

“I will make sure that is arranged,” Tonic stated with a nod.

“I think I may as well get this perp to the station before it gets too late,” Almond decided aloud, gesturing to Caprese. “Once she’s booked, I’ll try to track down GingerBrave to see if he’s on-board with our plan or not.”

He paused for a moment.

“What day is it? Saturday?”

Tonic smiled.

“You should take a day off, sir.”

Almond shook his head.

“Not until I’m done on this case.”

It was a short car ride to the jail. Caprese was still cooperative, though it was clear she wasn’t thrilled with the idea of being imprisoned, regardless. Rye greeted them as they entered the building.

“Looks like ya caught a big softie, there,” Rye teased, smirking as she saw Caprese.

“Don’t be fooled,” Almond cautioned. “This one here’s quite the cake wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

“That so, eh?” Rye mused. “Then I guess Miss Spicy in there’s gonna have some real fun.”

“Don’t call me that!” Chili called from her cell. Rye grinned.

“Maybe don’t keep those two in the same cell.” Almond advised. “Or at the very least, keep an eye on them.”

Rye rolled her eyes as she grabbed the keys to the jail cell. She escorted Almond and Caprese to the back before unlocking the cell. Almond gently pushed Caprese through the door as Rye shut the door behind her and locked the cell again.

“Finally , something interesting is happening,” Chili groaned. “As long as you aren’t annoying like the last guy!”

She paused, looking Caprese up and down before sneering.

“Ha, you really are a softie! What’d ya get arrested for, throwing a jelly at someone?”

“What did she get arrested for?” Rye asked quietly as she and Almond returned to the front of the building so that he could finish some paperwork.

“She’s the cookie who really stole those soulstones,” Almond explained. “The crime that we initially arrested Chili Pepper Cookie on suspicion of.”

“Why so concerned with keep’n ‘em together, then?” Rye asked. “Two thieves might get up to no good together, but they ain’t getting out of any cells on my watch.”

“She’s also responsible for the three missing cookies,” Almond added. “The case my daughter took.”

“That softie cookienapped three cookies!?” Rye asked incredulously. “What happened to ‘em?”

“Nothing good, I’m afraid,” Almond replied. “Though I can’t give any more details until we get a few loose ends tied up.”

Rye nodded, her smirk shifting to a more serious expression. 

Almond finished the paperwork and exchanged a nod with Rye before heading out and getting back into the car.

“How did it go?” Walnut asked as Almond buckled himself back in.

“Everything went fine,” Almond assured. “We’ll pick her up when we’re ready to go to the Witch’s house. Right now we’ve gotta find GingerBrave and convince him that all of this is a good idea, preferably with enough time left over to have dinner.”

Almond was not entirely sure where to find Gingerbrave. The castle seemed like a good place to start, as he’d run into him there twice before. Regardless, the kingdom was not particularly large, so Almond was certain they’d be able to track the kid down quickly enough.

Almond spotted GingerBrave on their drive towards the castle. He pulled over to flag him down.

“Hey, Almond Cookie,” GingerBrave greeted cheerfully. “What’s going on?”

“I think I’m gonna have to take you up on that offer you made yesterday to help us,” Almond explained.

“Oh, well, I’d love to, but I was actually on my way to the castle,” GingerBrave replied. “Pure Vanilla Cookie is having another dinner set up for cookies at the castle again.”

“Hop in, we’ll give ya a ride,” Almond offered.

“...The castle’s only like a block away,” Gingerbrave noted. “We can all just walk. That way, you can tell me what’s going on on the way over.”

“Fair enough,” Almond conceded, parking the car. He and Walnut exited the vehicle and joined Gingerbrave on his walk.

“I’ll be honest with ya, kid, the thing we need help with is no simple favor,” Almond confided to Gingerbrave.

“I’m not one to turn down a request to help cookies in need!” Gingerbrave replied confidently. “Ask away!”

Almond sighed.

“This is a confidential matter,” Almond explained. “Please do not repeat this to anyone.”

He paused.

“You said you were baked inside the Witch’s oven, yes?” Almond continued.

“Uh, yeah,” Gingerbrave confirmed, a bit more hesitant now. “Why?”

“We need help from a cookie who’s been inside the Witch’s house.”

GingerBrave was silent. He glanced at Almond apprehensively, expecting him to elaborate.

“You remember that story Caprese Cookie told at the campfire?” Almond asked.

“The one about humans,” Gingerbrave finished knowingly.

“That story’s true, kid,” Almond continued. “I can’t really go into detail when we’re out in public, but we’ve got three cookies who need our help. We’ve got all the pieces we need to save ‘em, but we need a cookie who can help us navigate the Witch’s kitchen.”

Gingerbrave nodded.

“No cookie left behind,” he muttered.

As they reached the castle steps, Pure Vanilla greeted the three of them, warmly as ever. 

“GingerBrave!” He called down to them. “I see you’ve brought guests!”

“Pure Vanilla Cookie!” Gingerbrave responded, dashing up the steps to meet him. “I ran into Almond and Walnut Cookie on the way over here. Would it be alright if they join us for dinner at the castle?”

“Of course that is alright!” Pure Vanilla responded, ushering them up the steps. “After all, they’ve succeeded in returning the soulstones taken from the vault last week!”

“Really?” Gingerbrave asked.

“They were brought to the castle shortly before you arrived,” Pure Vanilla explained. “Though, they do not feel the same as they did before.”

“We were only able to return five of the six that were stolen,” Almond explained. “We did recover all eight, but unfortunately, we need three of them for-”

“Ah, Tonic Cookie did say something about that,” Pure Vanilla nodded. “Perhaps now that you are here, you would be able to discuss this in more detail?”

Pure Vanilla gestured towards the vault as he headed towards the entrance. Almond hesitated but sighed.

As Pure Vanilla opened the vault, Almond saw the five stones positioned neatly above a crate. Pure Vanilla picked up the yellow soulstone before turning back to them.

“You are certain these are the same stones that were taken from this vault?” He asked. Almond nodded.

“They have changed,” Pure Vanilla continued, examining the stone in his hand before smiling softly. “Perhaps I’ve gotten old, but I do believe this stone has a piece of my soul inside it!”

Almond sighed.

“That is correct, sir. The other stones, too, now contain pieces of eight cookies’ souls.”

“I don’t believe any cookie has the ability to enchant soulstones in this way,” Pure Vanilla thought aloud. “From what I know, only a witch can do such a thing.”

“It was a human, actually…” Walnut spoke up.

“Fascinating,” Pure Vanilla murmured. 

“I’m sure you’ve heard that we’ve been investigating more than the theft that occurred at the vault here, yes?” Almond asked. “Trying to track down three Hollyberrians who disappeared?”

“Ah yes, I do recall something of that nature.”

“They were killed,” Almond explained. “But three of the eight soulstones contained a piece of their soul. And we’ve discovered that it is possible to use the soulstones to revive them.”

“Bringing a cookie back from the dead?” Gingerbrave asked. “Is that even possible?”

“Yes,” Almond noted. “It may seem implausible, but I believe we need a witch’s oven in order to-”

“Caprese Cookie!” Walnut interrupted. “She… she’s not dead anymore! The human rebaked her!”

“Really!?” GingerBrave asked enthusiastically.

“That’s a bit of an oversimplification,” Almond muttered.

“Is the human nice?” Gingerbrave asked. “I thought they were cookievorous.”

“‘Nice’ is not the right word,” Almond replied. “She’d certainly consider eating us if given the opportunity.”

“The human is really scary,” Walnut added. “But she rebaked Caprese Cookie, so she might help us rebake the three cookies that she-”

“The human ate those missing cookies, didn’t she?” Gingerbrave asked quietly.

“Yes…” Almond began. “But she can negotiate. And we don’t have another option.”

“So your plan is to rebake the cookies in the Witch’s oven,” Gingerbrave concluded. “You need my help to get inside without getting caught. Or eaten…”

“Exactly.”

“I’ll do it,” Gingerbrave decided aloud. “I escaped the witch’s house once, I can do it again.”

“All the more reason to be well fed before your adventure,” Pure Vanilla said. “Come, dinner should be ready shortly.”

The dining hall was prepared when they arrived, though the table had fewer spots set. Almond recognized several cookies from the meal they had eaten at the castle before, though the number of guests was still smaller than it had been the previous visit. Pure Vanilla once again said grace before the meal. Gingerbrave once again seemed somewhat uncomfortable at the mention of witches. Almond hoped that Pure Vanilla would not bring up the news in regard to Caprese Cookie, but he suspected the long-lived king might make an announcement regardless.

As predicted, Pure Vanilla did just that.

“I have some good news to share with everyone today,” Pure Vanilla announced partway through the meal. “Some of you may have heard that soulstones were taken from our castle’s vault. I am happy to announce that with the hard work of Almond and Walnut Cookie and everyone at M.E.H., these soulstones have been recovered.”

He glanced at Almond, and gave him a look as if he realized he should be careful with what he told those present.

“I would also like to update everyone on a previous announcement I had made,” He continued. “It appears that Caprese Cookie survived her encounter with Dark Enchantress Cookie. I apologize if my mistake has caused anyone any concern.”

Almond felt relieved at the white lie. A few cookies muttered at the table, one finally speaking up.

“Do you know who stole the soulstones?”

“I was not told anything about that, no,” Pure Vanilla responded. “All that matters is that they have been returned.”

The cookie seemed satisfied with this answer and returned to chattering with other cookies at the table.

After the meal had been finished, Almond wished Pure Vanilla a good night before pulling Gingerbrave aside once again.

“Tomorrow morning, will you be able to meet us at the castle steps? We’ll pick you up and take you with us to the witch’s house. Caprese Cookie will be with us; we need her to help negotiate with the human. As it stands now, the plan is to hide the car, get into the kitchen, find a hiding spot, and wait for the human to arrive. We’ll have to then convince her to use the three soulstones, which she may have to ask the Witch to teach her how to use.”

GingerBrave nodded.

“Like I said, I can’t say no to helping cookies in need. I’ll be there bright and early!”

“No need to be there early,” Almond muttered. “Walnut and I are exhausted, I wouldn’t be surprised if we end up sleeping in.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow, then,” Gingerbrave replied, waving to the two of them as he headed out.

“We should head out too, kiddo,” Almond said to Walnut. “Got another big day tomorrow.”

“A really big day,” Walnut added with a shudder.

It was a short drive home. The kingdom hadn’t gotten any larger in their absence. Constable Whiskers greeted them at the door, letting out an impatient meow before sniffing their shoes and coats in curiosity.

“Hi kitty!” Walnut greeted as she attempted to grab the cat. It slid away from her and trotted back into the house.

“Bet ya got a whiff of that human on us, huh?” Almond suggested aloud. The cat did not respond.

Walnut was already getting ready for bed by the time Almond had put his things away. Almond knew there was still work for him to do, paperwork and planning, but he had already finished his last coffee and was far too exhausted to bother making another one. Shortly after his daughter had tucked herself in, he joined her in getting a full night’s sleep.

Chapter Text

Almond woke up slightly later in the morning than usual, but earlier than he had expected himself to wake. Walnut and Constable Whiskers were still asleep on the bed.
The coffee machine would be too loud, Almond decided, and he wanted to make sure not to wake Walnut. Fortunately, the fridge was still stocked with several refrigerated coffees from his previous stop at the grocery store. An iced coffee might be refreshing this early in the morning, Almond figured, and it would certainly be quieter than a fresh, hot coffee from the machine.

He grabbed the coffee before sitting at the work desk. The two pin boards still stood above the clutter. Seeing them there gave Almond a feeling he couldn’t quite name. Satisfaction combined with existential dread, perhaps. They had done so much work together on this case, not just as a team, but as a family. And that hard work had paid off to solve the mystery of this case.
But this wasn’t over yet.

Today would be treacherous. Four cookies would be risking their lives for the sake of three. 

Part of Almond wondered if this was even worth it. They had gotten their answers, after all. The safer option would be to resolve things there. But they had already done so much to save those three cookies, it would be selfish and cowardly to give up now.
There was no going back.
Almond decided to feed the cat before he forgot. He hoped it had been alright on its own inside the house; in Parfaedia it was allowed to be an outdoor cat.
Whiskers had apparently been awoken by the sounds of kibble, appearing at Almond’s feet before the bowl had even been filled. Almond smiled and bent down to pet the animal.

“Hopefully you’ll see us again in one piece,” Almond murmured. “To conquer death, we’ll have to see it up close.”

Almond used what was in the refrigerator to make omelets for him and his daughter. After a few minutes, Walnut began to stir and wandered into the kitchen groggily, still in her pajamas.

“Morning, kiddo,” Almond greeted. “Did you get a good night’s sleep?”

Walnut yawned.

“I think I had some weird dreams,” Walnut muttered. “But the normal kind of dreams that don’t make sense.”

“Doesn’t surprise me, considering the sort of day we had yesterday,” Almond replied. “And judging from our itinerary, today is going to be quite the experience as well.”

“We’ll probably see the Witch,” Walnut added with a shudder.

“Hopefully the Witch won’t see us,” Almond agreed. He gestured for Walnut to sit at the table as they began to eat.

“Plan for today is to check in with Tonic Cookie, then pick up Caprese Cookie before getting GingerBrave,” Almond explained. “I’ll double check the car just to make sure the soulstones are where they need to be and then we’ll head out.”

Walnut nodded.

“Another thing,” Almond continued. “I want to make it clear that I am only allowing you to come with us because I know the human will likely protect you from the witch if it comes to that. But I need you to be good. You need to listen to any directions we give; no talking if we have to be quiet, no running off. Promise?”

“Promise!” Walnut agreed with a nod. “I’ve kind of realized how easy it is to get yourself in trouble by accident. I’ll be careful so I don’t get eaten like the Hollyberrian kids.”

“I don’t want us to have to rebake more than three cookies, alright?”

“I’ll be careful, dad, I promise!”

The two of them finished their breakfast and got ready for the big day ahead. Almond made sure to bring a couple extra coffees, especially since there was a good chance they would have to wait some time for the human to arrive. After a few minutes, they were ready and packed.
It was a short drive to basecamp. Almond parked the car in the lot before turning to Walnut.

“This will be just a minute, stay put.”

He exited the vehicle and opened the trunk to ensure the three stones were accounted for before closing it again and entering Tonic’s trailer. The flourensics investigator glanced up as Almond entered.

“Good morning, Almond Cookie,” They greeted flatly. “Have you finished your preparations for today?”

“Yes,” Almond replied with a nod. “But I have something to discuss with you.”

He pulled out the keys to the rental house and placed them on Tonic’s desk.

“What’s this?” they asked.

“Listen,” Almond began. “I’d never say this in front of Walnut, but I’m worried we may not make it back. Those keys go to our rental property. If anything happens to us, we have a cat someone needs to take care of.”

Tonic took a deep breath.

“Alright. I will hold onto these keys. Please stay safe.”

It was another short drive to the jail. Rye leaned by the entrance to the building, a piece of hay sticking from her teeth. She glanced over as Almond and Walnut approached.

“What brings you two ‘ere?” She asked.

“We need to pick up that convict we dropped off last night,” Almond explained.

“So soon? What for?”

“We need her help to make those three missing cookies not missing anymore.”

“‘Ight, then, but you’ll have to cuff her again.”

“I don’t believe that will be necessary.”

Rye raised an eyebrow but shrugged as she led them to the cells. They found Caprese and Chili Pepper in their cell. Caprese was fidgeting with her cheese hands while Chili carved graffiti into the wall with a pepper-shaped dagger.

“Ey, where’d ya get the knife!?” Rye asked accusingly. “I confiscated those for a reason!”

“I ain’t no snitch!” Chili hissed back.

“Snitch?” Rye retorted with a chuckle. “Ya only got one cellmate. Tellin’ me the newbie snuck it to ya, huh?”

Chili sputtered to come up with a response but growled instead. Almond turned to Caprese.

“Did you retrieve the knife for Chili Pepper Cookie?” he asked. Caprese rolled her eyes.

“Guilty.”

“Why did you give your cellmate a knife?”

“I was bored, alright?”

“Not exactly the smartest thing to offer a criminal you’re stuck with a weapon,” Almond advised as he opened the cell door. “Get up, you’re coming with us.”

“What, she’s out already?” Chili Pepper whined. “I’ve been stuck in here for a week!”

“Quit yammerin’!” Rye ordered, slapping the wall lightly. Almond closed the door behind Caprese. Rye eyed her warily as she passed.

“We’ll take it from here, Rye Cookie,” Almond stated as he ushered Caprese outside and into the car.

“Our next stop is to pick up GingerBrave,” Almond explained as they strapped themselves in and began the brief drive to the castle.

Almond pulled up to the castle entrance. He heard Gingerbrave before he saw him; an unmistakable, loud, enthusiastic greeting.

“Good morning, GingerBrave,” Almond greeted. “I hope we didn’t make you wait too long.”

“Not at all!” Gingerbrave assured. “I’m excited to help!”

“You’ll sit in back with Caprese Cookie,” Almond explained as he opened the back door.

“Caprese Cookie!” GingerBrave greeted. Caprese seemed surprised at the degree of friendliness.

“Hi,” She muttered.

“We were worried about you!” Gingerbrave continued. “Getting killed by Dark Enchantress Cookie, then rebaked by a human! That must have been crazy for you!”

“Yea…” Caprese replied, raising an eyebrow at Almond. “Crazy…”

“What was it like dealing with a human?” Gingerbrave asked as he got into the car and closed the door. “Did it try to eat you?”

“No, I-” Caprese began, cutting herself off as the car began to move.

“How much did you tell him?” She asked Almond in a light but scolding tone.

“I told him as much as he needs to know,” Almond assured.

“Tell me what?” Gingerbrave asked.

“Nothing,” Caprese muttered. “Whatever. Just as long as we don’t all get killed.”

The ride to the Witch’s house was spent listening to the radio (per Walnut’s request), interrupted by the occasional question from GingerBrave, which was always dodged if directed at Caprese. After some time, the looming shape of the witch’s garden wall came into view. From far away, Almond could see more of the massive dwelling that lay beyond, towering in the horizon like a great mountain.

The road was concerningly out in the open, a fact which made Almond immensely uneasy. Any witch or human nearby would certainly be able to spot them, and he was unsure if the squad car would be able to outmaneuver a giant.

He passed the road that led to the St. Pastry Chapel, instead turning onto a dirt road that seemed to have been unused for some time. The road curved along the high wall, but soon it, too, came to an end. He drove the car over uneven patches of grass until the car entered the shadow cast by the wall.

“You’re up, Gingerbrave,” Almond announced. “How do we get past that wall?”

“Oh, well, a lot of what happened after I escaped the witch’s house was a bit of a blur,” Gingerbrave admitted hesitantly.

“Now you tell us this?” Almond muttered.

“But I’m starting to remember some of the details now that I’m back here,” Gingerbrave continued. “I think there’s a hole in the wall up ahead.”

He pointed to a spot ahead of them.

“You should park under that tree there.”

“That’s a bush,” Caprese corrected.

“Biggest bush I’ve ever seen,” Almond replied sarcastically. From a human or witch’s perspective, the plant would certainly be around bush-size, but for cookies like them, the branches towered overhead into a massive canopy.

He parked under the cover the tree provided, the four of them exiting the vehicle shortly afterwards. Gingerbrave and Walnut headed to the wall to search for a way through, while Almond went to the trunk to get the soulstones and Caprese went to examine the tree.

“Looks like eugenia,” Caprese decided, picking up a fallen leaf. “Didn’t think I’d see any normal plants here. The leaves are so big…”

“We found a hole!” Walnut announced from the wall. “GingerBrave is gonna check if it’s safe!”

Almond grabbed the soulstones and followed Caprese to the spot in the wall that GingerBrave was investigating.

“It goes all the way through!” Gingerbrave called from the other end of the tunnel. “Follow me, this way!”

Caprese helped Almond and Walnut reach the opening as they crawled through. The tunnel was narrow and dusty. Almond could swear he felt cobwebs on his back. Fortunately, it was only a minute or so before he was back into the daylight.

Before them lay a massive garden. Herbs, vegetables and flowers of all kinds towered above them. The sight was enough to leave any cookie awestruck, but the thought of what lived in the dwelling towering above gnawed at the back of Almond’s mind.

“I used to catch lizards in holes like that,” Caprese observed, still glancing at the wall.

“...What?” Walnut replied.

“Nothing…” Caprese muttered back.

“What’s the safest way to get to the kitchen undetected?” Almond asked Gingerbrave.

Gingerbrave seemed to ponder for a moment before responding.

“If I remember correctly, that window there leads to the kitchen,” he explained with a gesture. “If we climb up those vines along the wall, it should lead us right up to the windowsill.”

“That’s really high up…” Walnut breathed nervously. “What if we fall?”

“We can use my cheese arms like ropes and harnesses,” Caprese offered. “I can climb ahead and secure myself in a safe area, then pull you guys up.”

“Good idea!” Gingerbrave agreed.

“Had a feelin’ those arms of yours would come in handy,” Almond said with a nod to Caprese. She smiled and began to climb, making good progress with the extra hands.

She stopped about 30 centimeters up the vine.

“This seems like a sturdy enough spot here,” she called down. “Who wants a ride up here first?”

“Uh uh,” Walnut muttered with a shake of her head.

“I’ll do it,” Gingerbrave volunteered, approaching the vines.

“My arms can only reach to here,” Caprese explained, her arms reaching down about 20 centimeters. “You’ll have to climb the first part before I can grab you.”

“You got it,” Gingerbrave replied, confidently beginning his ascent. Caprese grabbed him when he was in range and helped him make the rest of the way up to her.

“Who’s next?” Caprese asked as Gingerbrave secured himself. Walnut whimpered.

“Kiddo, I’ll be right behind you,” Almond assured. “If you fall, I’ll catch you.”

Walnut took a deep breath.

“Alright, I can do this.”

She took the same path GingerBrave had taken and was lifted up to the others when Caprese could reach her. Gingerbrave comforted her as she situated herself beside him.
Almond began the climb as soon as he saw that Walnut was safe. He took some assistance from Caprese but was able to do most of the work on his own.

“Um,” Caprese muttered. “It’s gonna take forever to get up there if we go a tiny bit at a time.”

“We have plenty of time if y- if the human’s not here yet,” Almond replied.

“Okay, but I’m gonna get tired if I have to pull all of you up the whole way,” Caprese explained. “How about this? I have four arms, and there’s four of us. I’ll hold onto each of you as a safety line and keep my fourth arm wrapped around the vines as much as I can, then we all go up together. If anyone falls, the cheese will make sure they don’t fall the whole way back down.”

“A sound idea,” Almond agreed. Walnut agreed hesitantly.

“Alright, then,” Caprese replied as three arms reached out to grab each of them.

The thick strand of cheese felt like an odd serpent wrapping around his torso. His coat did feel rather cumbersome in this situation, he realized. It was likely weighing him down significantly.
But his pockets were carrying the soulstones, he couldn’t leave the coat behind.

The progress up the vines was slow, the group taking several breaks along the way. Almond could see Walnut struggling with some of the larger steps, but Caprese kept nearby and would lift Walnut up on occasion when necessary.

“Where’d ya learn to climb like this?” Almond asked. “Seems like you know what you’re doing.”

“Oh, I guess I just climbed a lot of rocks when I was a kid,” Caprese answered. “Not with equipment or anything, but I never did anything quite this insane.”

Walnut slipped slightly on a vine and yelped. Caprese pulled her up and helped her regain her footing.

“Careful.”

Walnut nodded.

More time passed, and soon they were up to the windowsill. Everyone seemed relieved to stand on something stable.

“We made it,” Caprese announced cheerfully.

“We still need to get inside before the witch spots us,”  Gingerbrave advised. “There’s a slit in the window over here big enough to slide through.”

The rest of them agreed and soon they were through the window frame and into the house.
Almond felt like the sugar in his dough was standing on end. The room was massive, dimly lit by the natural light provided by the windows. Hung along the walls were racks of drying roots and cooking utensils taller than a cookie house. Farther down the counter where they stood lay the massive furnace of the witch’s oven. In front of them stood a wide metal tray.

A tray full of cookies.

Chapter Text

The existential dread Almond felt at the sight was nearly debilitating. About a dozen cookies lay still in the tray, motionless under a thick metal grating that seemed to function as a cage. He could not tell if the cookies were dead or unconscious, but he knew that did not matter much; the twelve cookies were doomed to be eaten regardless.

Almond could feel Walnut shudder beside him.

“I am so small,” Caprese muttered.

“Oh, no!” Gingerbrave breathed. “Those cookies, we have to help them!”

He rushed over to the tray and tried to pull up the grating, but was clearly unable to lift it.

“Leave them,” Caprese ordered. “They’re screwed anyways.”

“No cookie left behind!” Gingerbrave insisted. He tried to lift the drying rack again.

“Is it really true you escaped from the oven?” Walnut asked, glancing up at the looming furnace. “It’s so… big! ”

“Humans have a story about a little cookie who escaped from an oven,” Caprese mentioned.

“Yeah?” Gingerbrave asked, intrigued. “Were they brave, and fast, like me?”

“Yep,” Caprese responded.

“That’s so cool!” Gingerbrave replied happily.

“He runs and runs,” Caprese continued. “ And then he gets eaten up by a fox.”

“Oh, I…” Gingerbrave muttered. “I don’t think I like that story as much anymore….”

“Are all human stories about someone getting eaten?” Almond asked Caprese, remembering the story she had mentioned about a gingerbread house.

Before they could discuss further, a loud thud shook the room.

“You’re supposed to be finding us a place to hide!” Caprese said to remind GingerBrave. “Otherwise, the witch’ll have sixteen cookies to feast on instead of just twelve!”

“Uh, right!” Gingerbrave agreed. “This way! There’s a loose brick by the oven we can hide behind.

The four of them reached the hiding spot just as another thud shook the room, followed by several more. Almond could see the looming figure of the witch through the space between the brick and the wall. She was muttering something to herself, but Almond couldn’t make out the words. She continued to shuffle about the room, muttering as she tidied a cluttered section of the counter that was filled with remnants of ingredients for foods and potions. A cabinet of vials and beakers stood on the opposite wall, along with jars full of preserved creature remains.
The cookies waited for what felt like an eternity before a noise from outside caught the Witch’s attention. She left the room, the sound of the creaky door reverberating through the walls.

The Witch’s brief absence relieved some of the cookies’ tension, and the four of them pulled themselves back into the open temporarily.

The room seemed more brightly lit now than it had before, though Almond was not sure if this was because a light had been turned on, or if their eyes had simply adjusted to the dim light. He could see now that their side of the counter held more than the tray of cookies. Next to the tray sat a pile of fresh dough, along with multiple baking tools, baking ingredients, and a cookie cutter.

“Dad, look,” Walnut said, pointing to a jar on the table. “I think those are soulstones.”

Almond looked at the container. It was filled with multiple smooth, cut stones, all a pure translucent white.

“I think you’re right, kiddo,” Almond replied with a nod. “The witches must bake with them.”

“Deary! Hello!” the creaky voice of the witch called out, causing the cookies to flinch and retreat to the hiding spot.

“Did she see us?” Walnut asked nervously.

“I don’t think so,” Almond answered, but he kept himself in front of Walnut protectively just in case.

“Come in, come in!” the witch continued as footsteps grew louder. “Excellent timing as well; I just finished baking some cookies!”

Two figures entered the room, the second figure dressed in dark robes.

“Make yourself at home!” the Witch offered. “No need to wear all those robes inside, dear. You can hang them up on the hooks here.”

The figure did just that, revealing long, brown hair that confirmed to Almond that the figure was the human.

“My hair looks good today,” Caprese observed.

“Bit full of yourself, eh?” Almond chided lightheartedly.

“I’d be even more full of myself if I got eaten!” Caprese joked.

“Would she really eat you??” Walnut asked incredulously. “But, you’re-”

“Have you tried caprese salad?” Caprese replied with a nervous laugh. “It’s delicious!”

“...am I missing something here?” Gingerbrave asked. Before anyone could respond, they were drowned out by the human’s voice.

“Is that a cooling rack?” she asked, gesturing to the grating covering the tray of cookies. “Isn’t it supposed to go on the bottom?”

“You’d think so! Ha!” the Witch responded. “But the cookies can escape if you do it like that. I’ve learned it’s much better to keep the rack on top so they can’t go anywhere.”

“I see,” Warper noted.

“Here, dear, try one!” the Witch said to Warper as she pulled a cookie from the tray and shoved them into the human’s mouth before she could respond. “Fresh from the oven!”

“Mrph!?” Warper replied, somewhat startled, but accepted the food. Walnut and GingerBrave winced as the human crunched down on her snack. Caprese seemed unfazed.

“Interesting flavor,” the human noted. “It tastes familiar. What’s in it?”

“Eugenia berries, dear,” the Witch explained. “Picked from my garden, very fresh.”

“It’s good,” Warper added with a nod as she took another bite.

“Oh, that reminds me,” the Witch said. “I need to finish some work in the yard, I will be back in just a few minutes.”

The witch left the room, leaving the human to her own devices. She finished eating the cookie and turned, allowing Almond to see that her left hand was still bandaged from the incident with Timekeeper Cookie.

“That poor cookie!” Gingerbrave spoke. “We have to save the others!”

“Our top priority is to revive the cookies using the soulstones,” Almond insisted. “Now that the human’s here, we’ll have to convince her to help us.”

“But the human just ate someone!” Gingerbrave argued.

“You know I can hear you idiots, right?” the human suddenly spoke, turning towards the spot where they were hiding. Gingerbrave made a quiet yelp. 

Warper leaned over the counter and removed the brick keeping the four of them hidden. Gingerbrave looked around frantically for another hiding spot, but froze as he realized the rest of them had no intention of moving.

“You’re lucky the witch doesn’t have the best hearing,” the human continued. “Now, hurry up and explain why you’re here before she comes back.”

She stopped as she noticed Caprese.

“...The hell?”

“Timekeeper,” Caprese explained.

“Timekeeper,” Warper repeated.

“Listen, ma’am,” Almond spoke up, removing the soulstones from his pocket and approaching the human. She bent down and grabbed them from him, examining them in her hand.

“You got the soulstones.”

“Yes,” Almond replied. “But we’re far too small to bake cookies with them, and we need the Witch’s oven to do so. We need your help.”

“Fine, I’ll try,” Warper agreed, putting the stones in her pocket. “I don’t know how to use them, but I’ll ask the Witch to teach me.”

She paused.

“Another thing. I’m still trying to get in good favor with the Witch. If any of you get caught, I’ll have to side with the Witch; I’m not sabotaging all of my work for the sake of baked goods.”

“I’m willing to be a sacrifice,” Caprese offered half-jokingly. “I’m the most expendable, after all.”

“Oh, shut up,” Warper quipped back. “We get eaten enough as it is.”

She pushed the brick back into place as the cookies again retreated behind it. Shortly after, the Witch returned to the kitchen.

“Did you say something, dear?” the Witch asked, placing fresh vegetables into a pot nearby. “I thought I heard a voice.”

“Oh, I was just talking to myself,” Warper said, turning to the Witch. “I was wondering if you could teach me something,”

She pulled the soulstones from her pocket.

“How do I bake cookies with these?”

“Ah, flavor stones!” the Witch said. “They can remake any recipe!”

She examined the stones in the human’s hand.

“Ah, what flavors are these?”

“Oh, uh, boysenberry, mulberry, and lemon wafer,” Warper responded.

“They smell quite nice, I’d love to get the recipe.”

“Oh, well, these cookies were, er, wild caught.”

“You caught them!?” the Witch replied in excitement. “What a good hunter you are! Alas, I’m far too frail to catch cookies myself. Why, recently, a cookie even escaped from my oven! I suppose I used a bit too much life powder in that batch.”

“I can catch all sorts of things,” the human stated proudly. “Cookies, lizards, even flies. With just my hands, too.”

She held both her hands up. The Witch frowned upon noticing the bandaged left hand.

“Oh, deary! What happened to your hand?”

“Oh, I got stabbed by a cookie,” Warper explained.

“Pesky creatures!” the Witch hissed. “Not to worry, though. I have just the healing salve that will fix that right up!”

The Witch bent down and began rummaging through her supplies.

A cookie in the tray began to stir, hitting their head on the grating above.

“We have to save them!” Gingerbrave whispered. Almond shook his head.

“Good as new!” the Witch reported as she finished applying the medicine to Warper’s injured hand.

“Not even a scar,” the human noted, examining her thumb where it had been stabbed.

“If only I had arthritis medication that worked that well!” the Witch replied lightheartedly. “Now, where were we? Ah, you wanted to learn how to use the stones to flavor cookies, yes.”

“Yeah.”

“Come right here, dear, I’ll show you.” 

The Witch began to flatten a ball of dough into a very thin layer with a rolling pin. Once it had been sufficiently thinned out, she gestured for Warper to hand her the three stones. The Witch placed each stone equidistant on the layer of dough, then folded the dough over so that the stones were covered.

“The trick is to keep the stones centered as you push the dough down,” the witch explained. She used a cookie cutter to cut out three cookies from the dough before placing them on a new cooking tray.

“Would you close the windows while I put the cookies in to bake?” She asked the human. “Don’t want any cookies escaping, now.”

“Oh, sure,” Warper muttered, approaching the window above where the four cookies were hiding and pulling it shut.

“No no no,” Gingerbrave begged quietly. He waved at the human frantically in an attempt to get the human’s attention without attracting the Witch’s notice. Warper glanced down and mouthed the word ‘sorry’ before pulling the window tightly shut.

“It will be some time before the cookies are done baking,” the Witch explained. “Would you mind helping me in the garden while they bake?”

Warper agreed, and the two giants left the room.

“What are we gonna do about the window?” Almond asked, peeking out for a look.

“Maybe we can pull it back open?” Walnut offered.

“Unlikely,” Caprese responded. “It squeaked pretty loudly when she closed it, it’s probably wedged pretty shut.”

Gingerbrave attempted to push the window open, but gave up as he realized that Caprese was right.

“What if we rescue them first?” he asked, gesturing to the tray of cookies. A few of them seemed conscious now, uncertain of their environment but still limited in their ability to move.

“With so many cookies helping us…” Gingerbrave continued. “We’ll have no problem getting that window open.”

“That would completely sabotage the reason we’re here,” Caprese replied coldly. “We’re here so the human can rebake the three cookies they just put in the oven. We’re not here to… steal food…”

She sighed. Gingerbrave looked at her in shock.

“But they’re cookies, like us!” he argued. “We can’t just leave them here to die!”

“I am not like you!” Caprese shot back. “I am here to help fix a mistake that I made. You are here to make sure Almond and Walnut don’t die in the process! If you try to save those cookies, you will screw this up for all of us, and probably get killed while you’re at it.”

“I can’t leave them behind!” Gingerbrave insisted. “You want to save the lives of those three cookies, don’t you want to save the ones trapped in that tray, too? If we do it together, we’ll have a better chance. We just have to be brave!”

“We have a saying where I’m from,”Caprese responded. “That there’s a fine line between ‘brave’ and ‘stupid.’ Trying what you’re proposing is not on the brave side of that line. If you try to save those cookies, you will be eaten! The human will easily catch you.”

“But the human’s trying to help us, right?” Gingerbrave countered. “And she didn’t eat you. So how do you know she wouldn't be on our side?”

“If you idiots had just told him the full story this would be easier!” Caprese hissed in Almond’s general direction.

“What have you guys been talking about?” Gingerbrave asked, turning expectantly towards Almond. “That there’s something I don’t know?”

“Clearly they left out a pretty important detail!” Caprese glowered. “Listen, cookie. I am not like you. I am not one of you. I only even really exist like this because an omniscient ball of dough thought it would be funny. You wanna know why I know the human will eat you if you do something stupid? Well, for one, she literally told us she would. More importantly, I know what the human would do because I AM the human!”

“Wh-what!?” Gingerbrave asked, more shocked than before.

“Well, I was the human,” Caprese muttered. “God, okay, the point is, those cookies are destined to be eaten. If you try to save them, you will be caught and eaten too.”

“A…human…” Gingerbrave muttered. “But that means you’ve… eaten cookies!”

“Cool, you’re all caught up then,” Caprese replied flatly. “I recommend you stick to our existing plan.”

“No, no,” Gingerbrave breathed. “I won’t leave without those cookies! I won’t let them get eaten!”

He rushed towards the metal grating and struggled to pull it up.

“Listen, cookies in there, can you hear me?” Gingerbrave pleaded to the imprisoned cookies. A few muttered a confused response.

“You need to get out of here! The witch and the human are gonna eat you!” Gingerbrave insisted. “If we all work together, we can lift up the metal bars and get you out!”

The cookies in the tray seemed to understand the danger they were in and did as GingerBrave had suggested. The tray began to budge slightly as the cookie hands pushed against it.

“We can do it!” Gingerbrave encouraged. Walnut rushed over to help him and Almond hesitantly joined her. Caprese seemed a mix of apprehensive and annoyed. Eventually she gave in and worked to help lift the grating with her cheese arms.

“If anyone comes through that door,” Caprese warned. “We are done with this and back in the wall.”

Almond could tell that even with the cookies inside helping lift, the four of them were doing most of the work. The cookies on the tray hadn’t yet cooled down enough to be crunchy and their dough was still soft. Even still, they were able to hold the drying rack just high enough for cookies to slip through.

“Come on!” Gingerbrave said to the cookies inside. “You first, come squeeze through the gap!”

The cookie hesitated but pulled themselves up enough to wiggle towards the exit. Almond could feel the remaining cookies tiring with one fewer to help lift. The cookie moving towards freedom was struggling to make it over the rim of the tray. As they lifted themselves up, several cookies in the tray faltered, their weakness forcing the others in the tray to carry more weight. Almost immediately, the rack gave way and collapsed back down onto the tray, letting out a loud, rattling crash. It was certainly loud enough for the witch to hear from outside.

“Done, we’re done with this!” Caprese scolded. She dragged Almond and Walnut back to the hiding spot with her. GingerBrave lagged behind, apparently still desperate to free the other cookies.

“Get in here now or you’re dead!” Caprese hissed. Gingerbrave ignored her, even as the door to the kitchen creaked open.

“Edible vermin! You!” the Witch shrieked upon seeing Gingerbrave. Walnut attempted to leave the hiding spot to save Gingerbrave, but Almond and Caprese held her back. Leaving now would compromise their hiding spot, just as GingerBrave returning to them would.

“You said you were good at catching cookies, yes?” the Witch asked Warper. “Get him before he escapes this kitchen again!”

Warper nodded and began to approach the counter slowly.

“Hurry, now,” the Witch requested. “Before he runs off.”

“The key is patience,” the human explained as she got closer. “You have to strategize.”

Gingerbrave backed away from the tray as he realized he would not succeed in lifting it. He glanced towards the hiding spot, and seemed to realize that to go back now would blow their cover. He glanced for other options as the human grew nearer. As the human reached the desk, her right arm slid between GingerBrave and the others, blocking his exit and most of their view.

Almond could still see the top of GingerBrave’s head. As he looked up, he could see the human staring directly at the vulnerable cookie. Almond understood what Walnut had said before, about curious eyes and hungry eyes. 

The eyes looking down on GingerBrave now were not the eyes of a curious giant. They were the eyes of an apex predator.

“See, the key is to locate any escape route first,” Warper explained to the witch. “Once they’re blocked, you close in.”

The arm began to move away from the hiding spot towards Gingerbrave. Realizing his escape options had been removed, he began to back away towards the wall.

“Hey, now!” He said to the human. “Can’t we talk this out?”

“Nothing personal,” Warper responded flatly.

“Cookies deserve to be alive!” Gingerbrave argued, still backing away, though it was clear to everyone present that he was very cornered. “We’re more than just snacks!”

“Cookies deserve to be eaten!” the Witch argued from behind the human, a slight cackle in her voice. “Such delicious treats shouldn’t go to waste!”

At that moment, the human pounced, sandwiching Gingerbrave between her hands. He yelped and wiggled to free himself, but stopped as he was lifted into the air.

“Aha! You caught him!” the Witch cheered.

“You’re not… really gonna eat me, right?” GingerBrave asked hopefully. The human seemed to think for a moment.

“Perhaps you’re right. I won’t eat you.”

GingerBrave let out a sigh of relief.

“After all,” she continued. “I’m not the one who baked you.”

She turned to the witch. Gingerbrave frowned.

“Oh!” the Witch cackled. “So generous!”

“No, wait!” Gingerbrave begged as he was handed over to the Witch. “Please!”

“I finally get to know what you taste like!” She chuckled as she pulled him up to her mouth.

Almond covered Walnut’s eyes as he heard the now unmistakable sound of cookie dough crunching between teeth. She whimpered and shivered behind his hands.

“Oh, but you deserve at least something!” the Witch said to the human. “Here, have a leg.”

There was another loud cracking noise. Almond glanced up to see a horrific sight. The human and the Witch were both busy eating. What remained of GingerBrave was now missing a leg and decapitated. Strawberry jam oozed from the cracked remains. Almond felt nauseous at the sight of it. He looked away and instead turned towards Walnut.

“It’s ok, kiddo, it’s ok, it’s ok.”

It was clear to both of them that it wasn’t.

Chapter Text

“Okay, okay, this is not ideal,” Caprese muttered frantically behind them.

“‘Not ideal’ is an immense understatement!” Almond hissed. "That kid got killed right in front of us!"

“Dad,” Walnut whispered shakily. “Let me look.”

“You don’t want to look, kiddo,” Almond advised. “They tore him apart!”

Walnut pulled her dad’s hands down. Instead of looking up at the horror above them, she looked straight across the counter. Almond followed her gaze to the jar of soulstones.

“Dad, look,” she whispered, pointing towards the top of the jar. One of the stones had begun to turn a shade of light brown.

“GingerBrave,” he realized aloud.

“We have to get his soulstone!” Walnut insisted.

“You’re not going out there!” Almond shot back.

He glanced up as Caprese walked hesitantly past them.

“Oh I am soo getting eaten for this,” she muttered apprehensively. She took a deep breath before dashing out onto the counter.

The human seemed to notice the movement on the counter and glanced back, but said nothing as Caprese hid behind the jar. 

“Y’know,” Warper offered, turning back to the witch. “Why don’t you go out and do the yard work. I can stay here and guard the kitchen.”

“A fantastic idea,” the Witch agreed.  “My bones may not do great in the garden, but no cookies are getting out of the kitchen on your watch! Keep an eye on the oven, the cookies should finish baking soon.”

As the Witch left the kitchen, Caprese began to reach for the top of the jar with her cheese arms. She succeeded and managed to pull the lid open enough to grab the soulstone. As she closed the jar, the human spun around to face her. The two of them made eye contact for a moment before Caprese made a mad dash to the hiding spot. She nearly made it to the opening before getting snatched away by the human, mere inches away from the gap.

“Caprese!” Walnut yelled.

Caprese turned to face her human self.

“My god I really am terrifying,” she breathed.

“Give it,” Warper ordered. Caprese looked at her, somewhat puzzled, before glancing down at the soulstone she was still clutching onto tightly.

“Give it to me,” the human repeated.

Caprese hesitantly handed over the soulstone. Warper took the stone and placed her cookie-self back onto the counter. Caprese nervously skittered back into the hiding spot.

“Idiots making this more complicated than it needed to be,” Warper muttered, grabbing an oven mitt before fidgeting with the oven. She pulled the tray of half-baked cookies out and set it above the cooling rack. She took the oven mitt off and glanced out the window before cracking it back open.

“I’ll fix this, you three need to get out of here,” she ordered to the hiding cookies.

“We can’t,” Walnut pointed out. “You sent the witch outside!”

“Dammit!” Warper muttered. “Fine, then. Leave as soon as you hear her open the door.”

The human turned her attention to the dough they had used earlier. She folded the soulstone between the dough and cut out a fourth cookie with the cookie cutter. She gently pried the three partially-baked cookies off of the tray with her fingernails and slid them over to make room for the fourth, then scooped the unbaked cookie onto the tray and placed him down gingerly.

“God, does this work like fetuses or something?” Warper grumbled to herself. “I have no idea what I’m doing, I might’ve just screwed this all up.”

“Can I help?” Walnut asked, walking into the open before Almond could stop her.

“Kiddo, what are you doing?” he called to her sternly.

“She’s safe,” Warper assured. “If the Witch sees her, I’ll just say that I’ll save her for later.”

Almond frowned but allowed it.

“You’re worried because you want them to bake evenly, right?” Walnut asked. Warper nodded.

“I was thinking if I reduce the heat, GingerBrave can catch up in there. But I don’t know how life magic works. If it’s just like regular baking, then it’ll be fine, but if there’s some special thing I have to do, I don’t want to kill them by accident.”

“I think reducing the heat is a good idea,” Walnut advised. “But things might take longer.”

Warper turned the heat nob down but still seemed uncertain.

“Okay, but how do we account for the extra time…?”

“I know!” Walnut said. “Pretend the heat being lower was an accident! That would give an alibi for the baking taking longer.”

“And then the Witch can set it to the correct temperature,” Warper finished. She paused for a moment.

“God, I can’t get over how small you are. Just tiny.”

Walnut looked embarrassed.

“I’ll be bigger when I’m older!” she insisted.

“Your dad’s small, too.”

“Well, you’re taller than a mountain, so all cookies look small to you!”

The human laughed.

“Small either way.”

She turned and put back on the oven mitt before opening the oven and putting the cookies back inside.

“Alright, we should be good now. You should go back with the others before the Witch comes back.”

“But what about those cookies?” Walnut asked, pointing to the less-than-a-dozen still on the tray. “GingerBrave died trying to save them. If we leave them, they’ll be eaten, too!”

“Look, I’m…sorry, but…” Warper began. “I’m hungry. I’m sorry you had to see your kind getting treated like livestock but, they’re food. The Witch and I are probably gonna eat some of them later, but I’ll try not to eat anyone else until you three leave. I’ll even use some of the stuff I put you to sleep with before on them so they don’t have to be conscious when they finish baking.”

“I already told them about lupent’s breath,” Caprese noted.

“Yea?" the human asked. "Did ya tell them what usually happens when I try to harvest the stuff?”

“ N-no…” Caprese stammered.

“What happens?” Walnut asked.

“See, the issue is that the lupent is a lot bigger than average for his species, like several times bigger,” the human explained. “The mist they produce makes things fall asleep. Trying to harvest the stuff is tricky, and if I screw up I can fall unconscious. Then I wake up, and I’m-”

“Ingested,” Caprese finished.”

“Eaten…” Warper muttered. “And, he’ll… spit me up eventually, but god it’s -ugh.”

“It’s a vapor though, yes?” Almond asked. “Couldn’t you just wear a mask of sorts to avoid breathing it in?”

“I- I may just be stupid,” Warper admitted. “I should probably do that.”

“Change of topic, but how are things going with the, y’know, entire reason we came to cookie-land to begin with?” Caprese asked.

“Made a decent amount of progress,” the human said proudly. “Haven’t figured out where the witches got the stuff they made Dark Enchantress with, but the dark magic they used is definitely demonic in origin. Whatever curse they put on that cookie seems similar to what happened to Higgs.”

“Who?” Walnut asked.

“A friend. Nothing that affects you,” Warper assured. “I haven’t figured out any way to counteract or remove the curse, but I have found some applications of life magic that could prove useful in multiple ways. I also suspect that this soulstone business could work for more than just cookies. Could make it possible to resurrect someone if we have to.”

“How much longer are you planning to do research here?” Caprese asked.

“Eh,” the human shrugged. “I’ll probably switch if we get any better leads or the demons finally realize I’m not dead.”

“I…what?” Almond asked.

“Just multiverse stuff,” Warper assured. “Won’t matter to you, I’ll be out of your hair, er, dough soon enough.”

“You still talking to yourself, dear?” the Witch called from the other side of the door. The cookies scurried back to the wall and Warper closed the window as the Witch entered.

“Yea!” Warper replied. “It helps pass the time.”

“Those cookies should be done baking by now,” the Witch muttered. She peeked into the oven before opening the door to peek at the cookies inside.

“Four? I could’ve sworn we only baked three.”

“I made one on my own for practice,” Warper assured. “It’s a little underbaked but it should be ready at the same time as the others.”

“Well, they’re all underbaked right now,” the Witch said. She seemed puzzled for a moment before reaching to change the temperature.

“Oh, the heat is far too low! Silly! I’ll fix that right up.”

She adjusted the heat to the proper temperature and closed the door to the oven.

“It will be a few more minutes 'till the cookies are finished, now.”

The Witch gave a crooked smile before returning to the garden.

“You guys really should leave,” Warper whispered towards the wall.

“The Witch is outside again!” Walnut pointed out.

“Fine, we’ll do it like this, then,” the human said. “I’m gonna look through the window to see if the witch is near it. Then I’ll open it for you. Go to the other side, and I’ll call the witch when you’re outside so that she comes back inside before spotting any of you.”

“It takes a while to get down there,” Caprese noted. “How long can you keep the witch busy?”

“Long enough,” Warper assured.

“Gonna need a more specific answer than that,” Almond replied. “Our dough’s on the line, here.”

“And I’ve told you, I have a terrible sense of time. All I can promise is the length of a typical conversation.”

“What about the cookies in the oven?” Walnut asked. “You’re not gonna eat them, right?”

“I’ll get ‘em back to you somehow,” Warper assured.

“How can we trust ya?” Almond asked. “You say you’ll help us, then you eat a kid, then you expect us to treat you like none of that happened?”

“You realize I’ve had every opportunity to eat all of you, right? Yeah, I’ve been playing both sides, but that’s only ‘cause the stakes are kinda high on either.”

“You’d even eat Caprese Cookie if it benefitted you,” Almond muttered.

“You know what? Yea. But this is really not the time to be having this conversation! Witch is in the front yard, this is a good time for you to get out of here.”

She pushed the window open and ushered them through.

“Go.”

The three cookies hurried to the exit, the window slowly closing behind them. Almond glanced back to see the human waving to them from the other side of the glass before she turned away.

“Okay, we should do this quickly,” Caprese said as she assessed the vines down.

“We need to wait for the signal,” Almond reminded. “What happens if the Witch passes by while we’re climbing down?”

“It’s not like the windowsill is any safer,” Caprese pointed out. “The witch would be able to get us either way.”

“Then we go down now,” Almond decided. “With or without the signal.”

Caprese grabbed the two of them in her cheese arms before beginning the descent down the vines.

Shortly after they began the climb downwards, they could hear the human call out to the Witch. Several loud thumps and the creak of the door soon followed, along with the muttering of giants. It was impossible to discern what was being discussed through the wall, their speech diffusing into more vibration than words.

“That could’ve gone better,” Caprese muttered, slowly lowering the three of them through the vines. “Look, I thought for sure that if any of us were gonna get eaten in there, that it would be me. I’m the most expendable, and the human would’ve gotten whatever piece of her soul Timekeeper stole to make me back.”

“I’m not blaming you for what happened back there, Caprese Cookie,” Almond assured. “There’s no need to defend yourself. You aren’t culpable for what the human has done since you were created.”

“I get that, but being a cookie doesn’t make me any less of a jerk,” Caprese replied. “It’s not that I view you any differently than I did when I was human, it’s that you view me differently because I can’t eat you anymore.”

“I suppose it’s reasonable to conclude that it is a combination of both,” Almond finished.

They reached the ground after several more minutes, keeping themselves hidden under the shadows cast by the garden plants as they made their way back to the wall.

It was a quick crawl through the tunnel before they were on the other side, under the shade of the eugenia berry tree. The squad car was parked where Almond had left it.

“What do we do now?” Walnut asked apprehensively. “GingerBrave…”

“We wait for the human to leave with the cookies,” Almond stated. “If they’re baked successfully, we’ll have to retrieve them from her.”

Walnut nodded quietly and sat down on the other side of the car. He could sense that she was upset. He waited a moment before following her.

She had sat herself on the ground, her back leaned against the car, though she had pulled her hat over her face as if she could retreat into the shell like a turtle.

“Kiddo…” he muttered. Walnut whimpered. He slowly sat himself beside her in an attempt to provide comfort.

“What’s on your mind, kid?”

“I’m scared, Dad!”

“We’re safe here, I promise,”Almond assured. “No one’s gonna eat you.”

“It’s not that!”

Walnut whimpered again before continuing.

“If cookies were only created to be food, what’s the point of us…being us? I want to be a detective like you, Dad. I don’t want to be a snack! There’s gotta be more to us being alive than that. I don’t care what Eclair Cookie, or Dark Enchantress Cookie, or the human, or what anyone else says. We can’t only exist to be eaten!”

“Kid’s first existential crisis?” Caprese muttered from the other side of the car. She came around the corner and approached them, several eugenia berries in hand. She glanced at one of the fruits before offering it to Walnut. Walnut pulled her hat up slightly and took the brush cherry.

“I haven’t had one of these since I was probably around your age,” Caprese noted before taking a bite of a fruit. She offered one to Almond before sitting down.

Walnut took a hesitant bite as Caprese continued to talk.

“Being around me for too long tends to make people question things,” Caprese admitted. “I had my first existential crisis when I was a little older than you. And thing’s don’t exactly get better.”

She paused.

“You are right though, about what you were saying,” Caprese continued. “You, being alive. It’s not just about being food. I mean, humans are edible, too. Most living things are.”

“But you said…” Walnut started before trailing off.

“Being alive is about having a story,” Caprese explained. “Maybe it’s a sad story, or a happy story, or a boring story, but the point is, you make it yours. Life doesn’t have some set, universal meaning. Life doesn’t make things fair. But being alive means you get to choose your story, and your part in it. Even if things don’t always go your way. It’s about finding out what happens next.”

Walnut seemed less tearful than she had been, though several tears had appeared around Caprese’s eyes instead. Caprese abruptly stood up while stifling a sob and disappeared around the other side of the car.

“I’m still scared…” Walnut admitted. “But…I guess, not as bad. More... worried.”

“She didn’t tell you herself, but she was telling the truth when she said that the place she came from originally was destroyed,” Almond explained. “Sounds like it was her fault, too, from how she talked about it. I’d imagine she has survivor’s guilt on top of who knows what else.”

“She probably feels even more guilty now,” Walnut considered. “She ate so many cookies…”

“Wouldn’t surprise me if she’s having an existential crisis with the rest of us,” Almond added. “She’s a cookie who thinks she’s human, after all. It’ll sink in eventually that she’ll never be human again.”

“Maybe we can teach her about what’s nice about being a cookie?” Walnut offered.

“We don’t have much time left to do that,” Almond admitted. “She’ll have to be brought back to the jail when we’re done with this, and then have a trial. Not exactly the best way to start life as a cookie.”

“Yeah,” Walnut muttered.

A brief moment of silence was interrupted by a deafening creak as the door to the Witch’s house opened.

“The human must be leaving,” Almond assumed aloud. “Where’s Caprese Cookie?”

His question was answered by a quiet thud behind him as Caprese landed after jumping down.

“I was climbing the tree,” she explained quietly.

“Tree?” Almond asked. “Could’ve sworn you insisted it was a bush earlier.”

“It’s a plant, whatever.”

“Get in the car,” Almond ordered. The three of them got into the car without hesitation and buckled themselves in.

“We’re staying put until we see the human,” Almond explained. Walnut nodded, though Almond could not see Caprese’s response from the back seat.

Another loud creak was heard, and soon the human’s feet came into view. Almond had never seen a creature walk plantigrade before, or at the very least had not been eye-level with their feet. The human’s shoes were elongated and asymmetrical compared to the neat caps worn by cookies. The footwear was covered by two blue boot covers, presumably to keep things sterile, as the human had implied.

“Those shoes are as long as the car!” Walnut breathed.

“Gate’s closed,” Almond noted, gesturing to the wall. There was no sign of the Witch, either.

Almond started the car.

“Give her a bit more of a head start,” Caprese recommended. “That way, we’ll be farther from the house when we catch up to her.”

“We’ll be farther from the Witch,” Walnut added. Almond nodded.

The further the human retreated from view, the more of her body was visible from their spot under the bush. Though she was not wearing it, the black robe she had been seen with was draped over her shoulder, the cascade of black fabric swaying along with the long brown hair.

“Okay, now you can go after her,” Caprese said.

Almond stepped on the gas and soon they were speeding towards the looming giant.

Chapter Text

As they approached, Almond turned on the police siren to ensure they got the human’s attention. The alarm was certainly loud enough, and almost immediately the human glanced in their direction. Spotting the car, she slowed her walk and turned around before bending down.

“Am I getting pulled over by the tiniest police car ever?” She coed.

“She’s gonna pick us up,” Caprese warned.

“She better not!” Almond grumbled, though he knew Caprese was right as the human set her things down next to them and reached for the car. Almond prepared to back up, but the tires had nothing to grip onto as they were lifted into the air. Walnut yelped in surprise as they continued to be lifted further up until they were nearly level with the human’s eyes.

Almond pulled out the car’s megaphone and did his best to sound authoritative in front of the giant.

“Do you have the cookies?” He asked.

“Yeah, they’re in the box down there,” Warper responded, tilting her head towards the ground to indicate their position. Almond gazed down to see a pink box slightly smaller than the size of a cookie house below them.

“You need to return them to us,” he ordered. “Alive and in one piece.”

“You can’t fit seven cookies in that little car,” she pointed out. 

“Is GingerBrave okay?” Walnut asked, pulling the speaking end of the megaphone towards her. “Can you at least give him back?”

“Lemme see,” the human said, setting the car back down as she sat cross legged on the ground.

She turned to pick up the box and opened it before carefully pulling a cookie from the box and setting them on the ground. The cookie’s lack of movement concerned Almond, who immediately exited his vehicle and approached cautiously.

The cookie was GingerBrave.

“Is he alive?” Walnut asked with concern, appearing at her father’s side.

“He should be fine,” Warper assured. “I knocked them all out with sleep gas so they wouldn’t start panicking.”

Almond leaned in closer until he could hear the sounds of GingerBrave breathing.

“He’s alive!” Almond announced. “It worked! Kiddo, get that back door open!”

Almond did his best to pull GingerBrave up as Walnut opened the back seat of the car. Caprese helped pull the unconscious cookie onto the seat next to her and glanced at the two detectives. She carefully slid around Gingerbrave and exited the car before approaching her larger self.

“Hi…”

“Hi,” the human replied before grabbing her. Caprese tensed up but seemed to have expected the risk of being held.

“...Now what?” Caprese asked as she was lifted up by her human self. “I mean, I was created to do the thing we just did, and we did it, so what do I do now? I sort of expected that you would’ve eaten me by now.”

“Do you want to be eaten?”

“Well, I, no, not really.” Caprese admitted. “I want to exist, but I don’t know that I really want to be a cookie, either. And I’m probably gonna end up in jail after all this, so…”

“They’ll have a trial or something though, right?”

“Yes,” Almond answered.

“Well, then how about this?” Warper offered. “You go through the trial and everything. If they acquit you or whatever, you go live your life as a sentient dessert. If they lock you away forever and leave you to go stale, then I’ll break into whatever prison you’re in and eat ya. Might snack on some other jailbirds too, while I’m at it.”

Almond frowned at this proposal, but Caprese nodded.

“Okay,” she agreed.

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Warper confirmed. She got up as if to grab her things, but Almond stopped her.

“Woah, now,” he persuaded. “We still need those three cookies back safely.”

“I’ll just drop them off at the kingdom,” the human offered with a shrug. “You still can’t fit them in that car.”

“Oh, no, you are not going to the kingdom like that!” Almond insisted. “You’d give every cookie in town a heart attack!”

“Cookies can get those?”

“What do we do, then?” Walnut asked.

“I’m calling Tonic Cookie,” Almond decided. “If we get another car down here, we’ll be able to drive everyone back.”

He got back into the front seat of the squad car, though he left the door open, and pulled out the radio to contact Tonic.

“This is Almond Cookie. Over.”

A garbled “copy” replied.

“I need to speak to Tonic Cookie.”

“This is them. Sounds like you are still alive?”

“Affirmative. Need some backup out here to pick up three freshly-baked cookies.”

“You actually did it…”

“Affirmative once again,” Almond replied with a slight chuckle.

“I’ll send someone over right away. What’s your twenty?”

“Negative, I need you, specifically, to come, Tonic Cookie. We’re between the kingdom and the St Pastry Order. I can give you directions on the way.”

“I can’t leave my post,” Tonic insisted. “I’m busy with-”

“Dammit, Tonic Cookie!” Almond insisted. “We need you because you understand what’s been going on with this case! We need someone who’s not going to completely panic at the sight of-”

“The human is there!?” Tonic interrupted. “I can’t risk my dough to pick up the three cookies you resurrected! We could all be eaten!”

“The human. Will not. Eat you. Please just get down here asap. And bring a few trauma blankets.”

The line let out a garbled response that sounded hesitant but affirmative before going quiet.

“We’re gonna wait here for Tonic Cookie to come!” Walnut yelled up at the human.

Warper nodded and stood up to stretch. The sheer scale of the human was more dramatic at this angle, a towering beast that seemed almost as tall as the sky. No cookie-made building Almond could think of could rival such a height, except perhaps a handful of skyscrapers and the fabled frozen tower to the Southeast.

“I’m on my way,” the radio crackled inside the car. Almond reached for the speaker.

“Copy that. It’ll be a bit hard to miss us, we’re right underneath the gigantic, looming figure. Keep following the road.”

“I do not like the sound of that,” Tonic muttered. The radio was silent again.

The human paced besides them, each step causing the ground to shudder. Almond hoped she wouldn’t misstep and accidentally crush them, though the human seemed aware of her surroundings and would most likely not cause such an accident.

“My celestials!” Tonic’s voice crackled through the radio. “That thing is a human!?”

“Yes, and you’re gonna keep driving towards it.”

“You’re certain it won’t eat us? Or, crush us into crumbs?”

“We’ve negotiated with the human,” Almond reassured. “All of us are relatively safe.”

“I recommend not trying to drive away if she decides to chase you!” Caprese advised over Almond’s shoulder.

“You, what!?” Almond responded.

“Well, if I was her, which I sort of am, it would be fun to chase a little police car around.”

“Dammit,” Almond groaned, his palm making contact with his forehead.

“Did you say the human might chase me!?” Tonic asked in concern.

“Just give me a minute,” Almond assured. He switched to the megaphone to address the human.

“Caprese! Er, Warper!” Almond sighed. “Whatever your name is.”

“Mmhm?” the human replied, bending down towards the vehicle.

“We have another cop car on the way, they’ll be here shortly. Do not chase them.”

“No fun!” Warper replied playfully. “But fine.”

Almond switched to the radio.

“You’re cleared to approach. The human won’t chase you.”

“I hope not!” Tonic replied. “That thing is massive!”

Almond squinted as he spotted the dust from Tonic’s car in the distance.

“I got a visual on ya,” Almond said into the radio. “Can you see us up ahead?”

“Affirmative. Though, it’s admittedly a bit difficult to keep my eyes on the road with that creature present.”

“I see the little!” Warper chirped. She moved as if to walk towards the arriving squad car.

“Don’t go after them, you’ll freak ‘em out!” Almond requested, though he wasn’t sure if the human had heard him.

Almond could see Tonic’s car continue to approach them hesitantly. Once they were within the human’s range, she immediately bent down to greet the vehicle. Tonic maneuvered as if to avoid the giant, but soon the vehicle was held in the air just as Almond’s had been.

“What part of ‘don’t go after ‘em’ do you not get!?” Almond groaned in exasperation. He looked up to see if he could spot Tonic, but the only thing visible was the car’s undercarriage.

“Help!” Tonic begged through the radio.

“Hi, little guy!” Warper coed. She reached as if to open the driver’s door, but paused.

“They used the little button to lock the door!” she laughed. “Fine, then.”

She turned the car around and pried the passenger door open before tipping the car sideways and dumping Tonic into her hand. The cookie cried out as they landed in the human’s palm but seemed terrified rather than injured. Warper set the vehicle down and began to examine Tonic.

“That’s weird,” she noted. “Your hair is like, wet, but not.”

Tonic squeaked out a response that Almond couldn’t hear from the ground. He sighed and grabbed the megaphone again.

“Put Tonic Cookie down,” he ordered. The human rolled her eyes but obliged.

Tonic stumbled to the car as soon as their feet had touched the ground, shaky from their encounter.

“That thing could eat everyone in the kingdom if it wanted to!” Tonic finally gasped. “I thought I was crumbs for sure!”

“That’s exactly why we’re doing this out here,” Almond responded, helping the flourensics specialist to their feet.

Almond sensed the human’s movements and turned around to see that she was removing 3 more cookies from the pink box. She set them down gently between the two cars.

Two young cookies and one adult.

Almond once again checked their breathing and confirmed all three were alive but unconscious.

“How many trauma blankets do you have?” Almond asked. “We’ll need four.”

“We have enough,” Tonic assured, steady enough at this point to open the trunk of their car and retrieve the blankets. They handed three to Almond before approaching Lemon Wafer. They gently held her upright as they wrapped the blanket around her torso.

“Help me get her into the passenger seat,” Tonic requested. Walnut trotted over to the car and opened the door as Almond assisted Tonic in lifting the unconscious cookie. 

“Should I give her her stuff back?” Walnut asked hesitantly. “I still have her radio and her notebook.”

“I suppose it would be good for her to have her things,” Almond agreed. Walnut nodded and pulled out the items. She set the notebook and radio in Lemon Wafer’s lap once the cookie had been buckled into the front seat.

“Let’s take care of the kids next,” Almond decided. As they began wrapping the children in the trauma blankets, Caprese and Warper spoke up at the same time.

“...Are you wrapping them in aluminum foil?”

“They’re trauma blankets,” Almond explained.

“They look like aluminum foil,” Caprese replied.

“The blankets are made from aluminum,” Tonic admitted. Caprese giggled.

“Wrapping the little cookies in aluminum foil,” she chirped.

“Enough of the commentary!” Almond retorted. “You should be helping us with this!”

“Can you open the other door then so I don’t have to walk over Gingerbrave?”

“I’ll get it,” Walnut offered, going around the door to let Caprese out. The human seemed to understand their intentions and grabbed Gingerbrave from the car. She snatched a foil blanket from Tonic, causing them to jump, and began to wrap GingerBrave in the foil. The cookies watched her for a moment before turning their attention to Mulberry Cookie, who was still unwrapped. Caprese assisted them in wrapping her in the foil, and the two children were placed into the backseat of Tonic’s car.

“That’s that, then, I suppose,” Almond muttered.

“But what about the human?” Tonic asked warily. “She could follow us back to the kingdom.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Caprese assured. Tonic squinted at her.

“The human’s assured us that she will not follow us to the kingdom,” Almond added.

“Very well,” Tonic agreed. “How long will these cookies remain unconscious?”

“They’ll probably wake up on the way back,” Caprese offered. “Or shortly after.”

“Let’s head back, then,” Tonic decided. They gave a final hesitant glance up at the human before shuddering and returning to the driver’s seat.

“We should head back as well,” Almond decided aloud as Tonic started their car and began to drive away. “Get GingerBrave back in the car, will you?”

Caprese nodded and began half-carrying, half dragging GingerBrave to the car. She flinched in surprise as the human grabbed both of them and put them inside of the car.

“That works,” Caprese squeaked. She shut the door on her side of the car and Almond closed the door on GingerBrave’s side. Almond and Walnut stayed outside for a moment, their attention now on the human. She had kneeled down next to the car and looked down at the two of them.

“It feels odd to part ways here,” Almond muttered, though the human likely could not hear him.

He paused for a moment.

“There is one thing I need to ask. All the time spent focused on this case, but there’s something that still worries me.”

“Yeah?” the human asked.

“The crystal,” Almond replied. “The one that was on your desk. And the one on the hill. I can’t help but be concerned about our timeline.”

“I’ll keep the crystal safe,” Warper assured. “But universes do tend to stabilize over time. The crystal will keep things safer, but the longer you exist, the less you’ll have to worry about that.”

“I suppose that answer is reassuring enough,” Almond decided aloud.

“What about that big, like, earthquake?” Walnut asked. “With the beam of light?”

“I overloaded the crystal to send out an energy pulse,” Warper explained. “We had talked about trying to meet with Dark Enchantress Cookie, and I had sort of impulsively decided that mimicking a powerful energy signature would attract her attention. Pure Vanilla said that she had been after souljams, which seemed like they’d be a powerful life-magic sort of thing, so I made the crystal emanate similar energy.”

“What happened to the evil cookies with her?” Walnut asked again.

“No idea, to be honest,” the human replied. “She got bored pretty quickly after killing Caprese, and left soon after discovering the crystal when it powered down. She forced several of the cookies who came with her to experiment on the crystal, and most of them got moderately injured in the process.”

“I suppose they left as well soon afterwards,” Almond concluded. “I suppose that answers the more pressing questions I had.”

“I’ll leave you cookies to it, then,” Warper responded. “I’ll keep an eye on Caprese during the trial, though. You won’t see me, I promise.”

“Not sure how you’d manage that,” Almond muttered. The human merely smiled, grabbed her things, and stood up, waving slightly before walking away in the opposite direction that Tonic had left.

“Still having trouble wrapping my head around all this,” Almond continued, shaking his head as he approached the car. “Let’s head back, kiddo.”

Chapter Text

The ride began normally enough, though it wasn’t long before Almond could hear Caprese grumbling from the backseat.

“Still not comfortable enough back there for you?” Almond teased. He could see her roll her eyes from the rear-view mirror.

“That’s not the issue,” Caprese whined. “The issue’s that I’m hungry and you put me back here next to this kid who smells like freshly-baked dessert!”

Almond grimaced.

“He kind of smells like that incense stuff they had at the church,” Walnut noticed.

“...The thurible,” Almond agreed.

“The church, you mean that cookie cult?” Caprese asked. “Pretty sure they use incense that smells like freshly-baked cookies to lure witches to them.”

Walnut shuddered. Almond grimaced harder.

“Did Rye Cookie not feed ya earlier?”

“Oh, she did, but it wasn’t that much,” Caprese responded.

“Oh!” Walnut chimed in. “Dad, up ahead, pull over, it’s the Jelly Bear Village! We can stop and all get bear jellies!”

Almond sighed.

“Alright, kiddo, but only because I promised ya we’d get a treat after this case was over. And because hopefully this case is over.”

He pulled over at the bear jelly shop as Walnut had requested, and the two of them got out of the car. Almond turned around and ducked back into the car to address the backseat.

“I’m not lettin’ ya out, so you better tell me your order.”

“Oh, uh, what flavors do they have?” Caprese asked.

“They have pink, and yellow, and frozen!” Walnut replied.

“What does that even mean?” Caprese responded with a slight giggle. “Just, whatever, get me one of each.”

“Can I have one of each, too?” Walnut begged Almond.

“Yes, kiddo. I’ll get everyone one of each.”

Walnut grinned and followed him to the shop after he had closed the car doors.

Ordering was straightforward; an even dozen, four of each kind. The bear running the shop gave them the treats in a box and the two cookies returned to the car after paying.

“Alright, here’s your appeasement,” Almond teased as he handed three of the jellies to Caprese. “I’ll give the last three bear jellies to GingerBrave when he wakes up,” Almond continued. “Don’t eat the kid before that happens.”

“This should be enough,” Caprese assured before examining the jellies. She took a bite as Almond sat down and started the car. Walnut helped herself to the box from the passenger seat.
As the kingdom came into view, Gingerbrave finally began to stir. He groaned before pulling himself upright in his seat.

“Ow… what happened?” He paused. “Did I fall asleep in the car!?”

“No…” the others muttered simultaneously.

“Oh…” he responded. “But that means- the Witch! And Caprese Cookie is a-”

“A terrible, cookievorous human,” Caprese finished. “...Yea.”

“I got eaten,” Gingerbrave muttered. “I got caught, and the Witch…”

“Caprese Cookie saved you!” Walnut offered. “She ran and grabbed your soulstone, and we were able to bake you into a new cookie!”

Gingerbrave nodded quietly and pulled the foil around him more tightly. It seemed that he was pondering what had happened.

“We got bear jellies for everyone!” Walnut added, pulling down the barrier and offering the box to Gingerbrave. He took a bear jelly from the box, his mood lightening as he took a bite.

“Oh, these are good, thanks!”

He frowned slightly as he glanced back at Caprese. She looked down and turned away.

“Hey,” GingerBrave said. “You’re not a bad cookie, I know you’re not. I don’t really understand the whole thing about how you and the human are the same, but that doesn’t change how much you helped us.”

He paused.

“Those three cookies were saved, right? If I’m alive right now, you must’ve rebaked me, right? Are the other cookies okay?”

“The ones you tried to save aren’t,” Caprese muttered quietly. “But yes, we were able to rebake the three cookies.”

“Tonic Cookie took them back to the kingdom before you woke up,” Almond explained.

“That’s great!” GingerBrave replied. “See, Caprese Cookie? We couldn’t have gotten to the kitchen if you hadn’t helped us climb up!”

“But I’m the reason we had to go there to begin with!” Caprese argued. “I killed those cookies. I ate them. All of this was objectively my fault.”

“But even if you are, or were, the human, if you really were bad, you wouldn’t have helped us at all! Even the human helped us out a little bit, even though she did… get me eaten.”

“Human got me eaten too, kid,” Almond offered. “Right now, seems like Walnut’s the only one in this car who hasn’t been eaten, and to be honest, I hope it stays that way.”

“You got rebaked too!?” GingerBrave asked in surprise.

“No, it’s complicated,” Caprese answered before Almond had opened his mouth.

“Look, here’s what’s happening now,” Almond started. “We’re almost to the kingdom, we’re gonna stop at Base Camp and check in with Tonic Cookie as soon as we arrive, make sure the others are ok. Miss Human here’s going back to jail until we set up a trial, and we’ll drop you off wherever and whenever ya need me to.”

“Back to jail…” GingerBrave muttered.

“If Caprese Cookie somehow gets out of this trial scot-free,” Almond continued. “I’ll need ya to teach her how to properly be a cookie. We’re not gonna stick in town forever, and I don’t wanna hear any more complaining about how much she wants to eat whoever’s nearby.”

“Of course!” Gingerbrave replied, his tone more optimistic. “I can teach her how to be a cookie!”

Caprese muttered something Almond couldn’t quite make out.

After a few minutes they reached the kingdom, soon arriving back to the base camp. The news vans were still present, but appeared to be covering the story from outside. An ambulance was parked next to Tonic’s trailer. The two hollyberrian children sat on the ambulance’s bumper as Tonic Cookie had a conversation with a cookie in medical garb. The two of them glanced over as the car approached. All but Caprese exited the car and joined Tonic.

“Where’s Lemon Wafer Cookie?” Almond asked, glancing at the two children.

“She had a panic attack almost as soon as she woke up,” Tonic explained. “The children weren’t much better off, but Dr. Bones here got to Base Camp pretty quickly when I called for medical services.”

“Lemon Wafer Cookie is stable,” the doctor added. “She wanted to stay in the ambulance alone so that she could calm down.”

“The assumption is that, despite all three cookies having a similar experience, Lemon Wafer Cookie was the most seriously injured, and therefore suffered significantly higher levels of stress.”

“And the kids?” Almond asked.

“They’re managing,” Tonic assured. “Boysenberry Cookie seems to be the most emotionally stable for the time being, though he hasn’t talked very much.”

“We’ll give them more time to recover before interviewing any of them, then,” Almond decided. “Have you contacted M.E.H.?”

“Affirmative, yes,” Tonic replied. “They’ll be sending representatives shortly so that a trial can be prepared.”

“And where will the trial be hosted?”

“No venue has been determined yet, though it was agreed upon to hold the trial here in the Cookie Kingdom for the sake of efficiency.”

“Keep me updated, then,” Almond said. “I’ve gotta get the suspect back to the jail, then we’ll either head back to the house or return here.”

“I believe you’ll need these,” Tonic replied, handing a set of keys to Almond.

“Thank you, for holding onto them,” Almond breathed. He had completely forgotten dropping the items off with Tonic.

He exchanged a nod with Tonic before glancing at the other cookies and returning to the car. Walnut and GingerBrave followed him and soon all four of them were driving to the jail.

As the parked the car in front of the detention center, Rye came out to greet them. Almond and Walnut exited the vehicle and opened the rear doors to allow Gingerbrave and Caprese to exit the vehicle. Rye raised an eyebrow as the last two cookies approached.

“You ain’t even gonna use the cuffs?” She noted.

“It’s been made apparent that handcuffs are not particularly effective on her,” Almond explained. “If she was uncooperative, I would’ve taken countermeasures.”

“And what ‘bout the kid?” Rye asked, nodding towards GingerBrave.

“He came to assist us,” Almond explained. Rye looked GingerBrave up and down before shrugging.

“Works for me, ‘s long as we get the suspect locked back up.”

She led Caprese back into the jail, closing the door after giving Almond a final nod.

“All the paperwork I’m gonna have to fill out for this is gonna be a nightmare,” Almond quietly groaned. “I’d rather see myself eaten alive again.”

“Wait, what!?” Gingerbrave asked in confusion.

“Don’t worry about it, kid.”

“It’s a bit hard for me not to!” Gingerbrave insisted. Almond did not elaborate, instead ushering him back into the car.

The ride to the castle was brief. Almond and Walnut gave GingerBrave a brief farewell before returning to basecamp. In most circumstances, a longer goodbye would have been more appropriate, but Almond’s primary concern was wrapping up this arduous case.

The ambulance passed by them as they arrived, though the vehicle was silent. The lack of emergency lights seemed to be a good sign, though Almond couldn’t be too certain. The news had crowded around Tonic’s trailer, indicating that the flourensics specialist had retreated, likely along with the three rescued cookies. Upon detecting the car’s arrival, the press turned to swarm the vehicle as Almond parked. Questions were unavoidable now.

“Is it true that all three missing cookies have been found alive?”

“What happened to them?”

“Is the suspect responsible for the kidnappings?”

Almond took a deep breath as he exited the vehicle.

“All of the missing cookies have been located and are safe. We cannot go into detail on the circumstances that lead into their disappearance or rescue. The suspect is currently in custody, but we cannot disclose any further information.”

“Rumors have been circulating that a monster may have been responsible for the disappearances. Do you have any information in regards to this?”

Almond hesitated for a moment.

“No comment,” he replied sternly. “If you’ll excuse us, we have work to do.”

Walnut joined him outside the car and the two of them headed to the trailer and knocked on the door. The entrance creaked open, Tonic glancing outside hesitantly before allowing them in.

As Almond’s eyes adjusted to the dimly lit interior, he spotted the three cookies sitting quietly on collapsible chairs. Lemon Wafer Cookie stood up as they entered.

“Despite the circumstances…” Tonic began. “I don’t believe you have formally met.”

“You are Almond Cookie, yes?” Lemon Wafer asked.

“Yes,” Almond replied with a nod, exchanging a handshake with the other detective. "And this is my daughter, Walnut Cookie."

“Tonic Cookie explained what you did for us,” Lemon Wafer muttered. “If it wasn’t for you, we’d all be nothing but crumbs.”

“My daughter here deserves some credit,” Almond replied, gesturing to Walnut. “She was the detective to inherit your case, after all. And she was the one who found the crime scene.”

“And I was the one who thought it was a human!” Walnut added proudly.

“...Human,” Lemon Wafer muttered. “Is that what those creatures are called? Horrifying beasts.”

Almond nodded.

“How are the kids holding up?” Almond asked, gesturing to the berry-flavored siblings.

“Better than I am, from what I’ve seen,” she replied, a hint of a smile appearing on her face before quickly vanishing.

“We were eaten!” Mulberry interjected. “I saw that thing kill my brother! And then it came for me! Its mouth was like a bottomless cave!”

“I wasn’t scared,” Boysenberry muttered, perhaps feigning bravery to impress his older sister.

“You risked your own dough to confront that creature,” Lemon Wafer continued. “A ‘ human,’ you said it’s called?”

Almond nodded.

“Is it still out there?” Mulberry asked in concern. “Are we safe!? I don’t want to be eaten again!”

“We were able to negotiate with the human,” Almond explained. “The best we can do for now is hope that she keeps her word.”

Mulberry whimpered.

“Those children will not be able to sleep if that thing is still out there!” Lemon Wafer implored. “Please tell me you have more than a promise from that creature.”

“If the human truly wanted to attack the kingdom, we would have no way to stop her,” Almond admitted. “The only cookie I know of who would have the ability to stop the human has been actively feeding cookies to the-”

He paused. He had realized two things at that moment.

The first was his promise not to include any mention of the TBD in his reports.

The second was a possibility that, while he had no way to prove its validity, nonetheless sent a shiver through his dough.

It was entirely possible that the deaths of the three cookies now alive before him were not solely due to the human’s actions.
They had never found out how it had been possible for the two children to cross the continent in a week. Of course, they were now able to interview the children, but Almond now had an uncomfortable theory.

He glanced down to see Walnut looking up at him. She clearly recognized his expression as a look of realization, and seemed to think for a moment before coming to the same conclusion. He read Walnut’s lips as she mouthed a name.

Timekeeper Cookie.

“There was a cookie feeding other cookies to that monster!?” Lemon Wafer asked incredulously.

“Apologies, I-” Almond began. “I misspoke.”

“Surely you meant something by that?” Tonic Cookie pressured. “Is that statement in regards to the cult you discovered?”

“...The St. Pastry Order, yes,” Almond replied, relieved to have the attention shifted away from any mention of the time traveling cookies. Regardless of whether Timekeeper was responsible for the initial deaths of the three cookies, it would be just as impossible to force the chronokinetic into court as it would be to bring the full sized human.

“The cookies at the church worship the Witches,” Walnut explained. “They tried to feed us to them!”

“An attempted ritual sacrifice,” Almond confirmed. “We would have certainly both been devoured had the human been hungry.”

“Horrifying!” Lemon Wafer agreed. “Oh, but fortunate that you did not have to see those crunching jaws up close.”

“Wouldn’t say that’s entirely true,” Almond corrected. “The human’s presence has affected the memories of a few cookies in the area, including myself. It’s a bit hard to explain, but I have had my own encounter with the mouth of that beast. Fortunately, my daughter has not.”

“Regardless, if that thing is still loose, how will any of us be able to sleep tonight?” Lemon Wafer pressured.

“That ‘thing’ may be the reason you were killed to begin with, but it’s also the reason you are here now,” Almond replied. “Without the human’s help, we would not have been able to bake you in the Witch’s oven.”

The three rescued cookies stared at Almond in confusion.

“Why would it-?” Mulberry finally asked. “Asides from maybe planning to eat us again.”

“I wondered that myself,” Almond agreed. “Though I suspect the human felt some level of guilt for her predation, and perhaps helped us in an act of goodwill.”

“What happens now?” Walnut asked.

“Paperwork, primarily,” Almond replied, turning to the rescued cookies. “We’ll have to interview you separately as preparation for the trial, though we can do that later today or tomorrow if you need time to recover.

“I don’t know how the children feel,” Lemon Wafer answered. “But I think it may be best if I retell my experience before I try to block it from my mind.”

“I can do an interview,” Boysenberry piped in.

“Lemon Wafer Cookie first, then,” Almond decided. “Walnut, you and Tonic Cookie should take the two kids outside and make sure the press doesn’t get too nosey while I stay inside and interview Lemon Wafer Cookie. Boysenberry Cookie sounds ready as well, so we’ll interview him right afterwards.”

“All conversations in this trailer are automatically recorded,” Tonic offered. “I can parse through the audio later.”

Almond nodded, and all but the two senior detectives left the trailer.

The two investigators looked at each other.

“Detective,” Lemon Wafer spoke.

“Detective,” Almond replied.

“I’ll admit, I’m used to being the one doing the interrogations,” Lemon Wafer mused. “You’re from Parfaedia, yes? I believe I’ve seen you and your daughter mentioned in the papers.”

Almond nodded.

“I suppose you’ve done a thorough enough investigation to know a few of the details of my encounter already,” she continued.