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Hikarino Shu wasn’t supposed to be born.
He was born from curses and the blood of sinners. His mother was a witch—a sorcerer who had lost her way and cursed eternally by the Gaia to be a beast’s underling, and his father was a poor human who mysteriously disappeared within the forest. Some said that he was running away from his own wife. Some said that his wife cursed him when she found out he was cheating on him.
Hikarino didn’t know the exact truth. As long as he remembered, he had been living alone as a slave of his village. He worked, worked, and worked until his hands were bleeding and ugly. He worked, worked, and worked tirelessly from morning to night just so he could eat something and had place to sleep.
You should be grateful we still accept you and give you home, they said. No one in this world will accept your presence, they mocked.
After all, unlike others, Hikarino had his magic to warm himself in the middle of winter. Hikarino can heal by himself, so no matter how many toes had fallen off because of the chilling winter, and no matter how severe the wounds he got, the missing limbs would grow and the wounds would be patched by itself.
Hikarino was anything but a normal human. He was a monster, born from sinners and curses. He knew that, and he accepted it as the truth.
There was no sadness. There was no anger. There was not even the slightest ‘what if’ inside his heart to be born in a better place, in a better timeline, in a better family. Not because it was useless nor thought that fleeting hope wouldn’t bring him anywhere.
This was his reality. There was no room for ‘what if’s in reality; what happened, happened. What would happen, happen.
Hikarino Shu had no choice but to accept it as it was.
“Okay, truth or dare?”
“I dare you, bitch.”
“That’s not how you play the game, asshole.”
The rest of alter members rolled their eyes as Rias and Eki once again fell into a loud argument. Box watched them with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, waiting for the perfect moment to reprimand the two hotblooded men.
Today was the bonding day, where they would gather in the living room to play something or just eat and try to talk with each other. The alters, or originally Meixul but no one likes that name so they chose to stick with alters, was totally the opposite of their counterpart with their family-like atmosphere and they were aware of it.
They probably wouldn’t even consider talking to each other if it’s not Hikarino convincing everyone to at least try to get along with each other. At first no one agreed, but the sorcerer started to talk about how their counterpart would be saddened if they found out the alters gang didn’t even know each others’ full name.
And thus, the bonding day was born. It was very much awkward and full of tension, but at least it’s working. First time they had a bonding day, Rias, Eki, and Kanekuro were at each other’s throats but right now they’re just arguing without even reaching their weapon stash. Hikarino counted it as a win.
“—there are only two options, idiot! Truth or dare!”
“Okay, okay, fine! I pick dare!”
“I dare you to kill yourself, bastard!”
“What did you just say to me?!”
“Alright, stop your argument right here,” Box cut in and stared at the two men with stern eyes. “Rias, stop riling up Eki. Eki, I know you are pissed, but it’s the game rules to not give dare involving killing someone. We are not going anywhere anytime soon if you two keep doing this.”
Eki glanced at the angel then stared at the killer detective, clearly still annoyed but the anger had considerably calmed down. “Fine,” he responded sharply. “Rias. I dare you to wash your mouth with soap. Your breath really stinks, just like your vocabulary.”
“What the fuck? Do I look like a fucking kid to you?”
“Just do it, Rias,” said Kanekuro. He stared lazily at him with hands crossed in front of his chest, not unlike a predator stared down at his prey as if they’re his source of entertainment. “It’s your fault in the first place riling up Eki. You of all people should’ve known his temper, or is your detective work just a flunk?”
His body was half leaned toward Hikarino who sat beside him, clearly enjoying Rias’ irked expression. Kanekuro then slyly put a hand on the sorcerer’s shoulder, inviting silent questioning stares and spiking anger from two different people.
Rias absurdly stood up and walked toward the bathroom, making sure to step on Kanekuro’s foot and gave the mafia his best death glare. The black-haired man only chuckled as if daring to challenge him, which made Rias grow even more annoyed. Nevertheless, he didn’t do anything and continued his advance.
“Remember, Rias, you have to use soap,” Eki shouted mockingly. “You know the drill if you dare to cheat.”
There was no answer, but the clicked tongue echoed within the hall was the answer they needed. To make sure no one cheated when they were playing a game, Hikarino was tasked to casted a spell to punish anyone who played unfairly. The punishment itself was harmless, but it helped others find out who was cheating and since all of them were prideful people, the embarrassment was already a harsh punishment.
Box glanced at the direction where Rias went before looking back at the others. “Since it will take time waiting for him to finish, how about we spin the bottle first? But of course, only Rias can give the command.”
No one gave their objection. Box smiled in confirmation and spun the bottle on the desk. Everyone watched in bated breath as it started to slow down, ready to pick it’s next victim of this night’s truth or dare.
After a while, the bottle finally stopped. The mouth part was pointing in Hikarino's direction. The sorcerer blinked twice, the former was in confusion before it changed into realization. “So it’s my turn, huh?”
“It seems so. Now we just need to wait for Rias. I hope he had learned his lesson from last week—”
“Shut your trap, Box.”
Box glanced at the person standing behind him. There was Rias, scowling and faintly oozing soap smell every time he opened his mouth. “I’ve done your stupid dare, knife boy. Are you happy now?”
Eki laughed. “Yes, yes, whatever. Now it’s Hikarino’s turn, we have spun the bottle when you’re gone.”
Rias raised his eyebrow, the scowl immediately changed into intrigued. “Ho? Then what do you pick? Oi, Kanekuro, scoot over. Stop hogging the sofa with your fat ass.”
The mafia boss sent him an annoyed expression but still moved his sitting position to make room for Rias. The killer detective seemed not happy that he had to sit beside him, but he chose to keep his mouth shut and stared at the sorcerer instead.
Hikarino pursed his lips, thinking, and then said, “Truth.”
“Truth, I see…” Rias tilted his head, smirking, “Then tell us your most embarrassing secret you never told anyone, including your counterpart.”
“Oh my god,” Hikarino groaned. “Are you serious? My most embarrassing secret that not even Shu knows?”
Rias shrugged, mouth pulled up into shit-eating grin. “As long as it’s not vital information then it’s okay right? Isn't this game’s goal to make us know each other more intimately, dear gamemaster?”
“Yes, but—” Hikarino stopped midway, stared at everyone’s expression who showed their own anticipation in various degrees, then sighed deeply. “Okay. I understand, but don’t laugh, okay?! It’s too embarrassing, ugh…”
“Can’t promise, but go on. Say it.”
Hikarino’s mouth went thin and his cheek grew red. Everyone stared at the sorcerer ready to hear his confession while trying to guess what kind of embarrassing moment he was going to say.
Probably about how he used to wet his bed even until he was teenager. Or maybe him accidentally burning his house thanks to his magic, who knows. They were all prepared to listen to it and tease him forever with the information.
The sorcerer gave the last glance, sighing again, and then finally opened his mouth.
“My right foot used to not have a thumb toe and index toe.”
…
“Pardon?”
That was totally unexpected.
Hikarino didn’t notice the change in the air and repeated what he just said. “My thumb toe and index toe once broke and fell down when I was a kid,” he wiggled his right foot toes, which were all intact. “For years I’ve been living without it until I learn the spell to heal myself. I then learn how to mend my wounds, like, you know. Broken bones, missing limbs, and so on. It was painful, but hey. It works and now I’m no longer toes-less.”
No one spoke. Hikarino noticed the sudden silence and looked around, confused why everyone looked at him as if he just said that the sun rises up in the west. “What’s wrong?”
Eki was the first one who broke the silence. “What’s wrong you said—of course there is something wrong! What the hell with that sudden train of information, Hikarino?!”
“What do you mean? Isn’t it embarrassing to not have toes? Why are you suddenly get angry at me?”
“Hikarino,” Box started with a worried tone. “Can you…elaborate more about it?”
“Like how the fuck your toes fell off, for example,” Rias piped in. “Last time I remember, a human's toes can't break and fall off like a tree branch.”
“Oh… Oh, right,” Hikarino widened his eyes in realization then nodded. Of course he forgot to tell the context; it sure sounded weird without it.
“It was around one of the heaviest winter nights… I think,” Hikarino crossed his arms trying to remember his childhood. God, it has been so many years he barely remembered the details. “I don't remember exactly. I only remember being so cold and the hays inside the barn were not enough, so my feet got all frozen and two of my toes broke and fell off. I didn't know the spell to warm myself up so it was quite a struggle back then."
Hikarino remembered the jeering stares he got when the villagers found out he couldn’t even use sandals because of the missing features. It was so embarrassing. He was glad that the restoration spell he learned from Mother Nature could retrieve back his missing toes.
“Heck, I couldn’t even use sandals properly and I always got mocked because of that. Thank god I was able to learn the spell to retrieve back, or else I would’ve been barefooted for the rest of my life.”
No one responded to him. They gazed at each other, noticing the worrying oddity in his tales and silently asking if they noticed the same thing too. Hikarino stared back at them, waiting for someone to break the silence. He couldn’t help but fidget under the searching eyes.
“W-what? What is it?”
Rias massaged his temple, frustration clearly showed in his expression. “Fuck, Hikarino, I don’t even know where to begin,” his voice was thick with emotion Hikarino couldn’t decipher whether he was angry or disappointed; maybe mix of both. “How the fuck you can think that missing limbs is an embarrassing story? And what’s with that hays and barn—are you telling me you’ve been living in a barn like some fucking cattle?”
Hikarino frowned. “Because it is…? Isn't it weird to see someone walking around only using one sandal while the other one is barefoot?”
“That’s not the point, you—” Rias screamed to his palm. “Oh my god, he doesn’t even deny living in a barn. What the actual fuck, Hikarino."
“That’s very unpog,” Kanekuro whispered. His expression was neutral, but his gaze and voice tone were anything but calm. “I can understand that you have a bad past, but the way you treat it as if it’s something normal really worries me.”
“...Huh?” Hikarino tilted his head. There was no trace of sadness or anger, only pure, sickeningly innocent, confusion.
“But it’s normal, you know? Because I’m cursed.”
“Ha?”
Hikarino proceeded to tell the rest about his past. About his circumstances, a cursed child who was born from forbidden union between the witch and a sinner, which put him into the lowest rank in his village. About how he never met his parents, only got to know their condition from an old diary stored in his mothers’ old workshop.
(“Back in my world, we use the witch term not to refer to female magic users, but it’s to refer to those who lose their way studying magic and get cursed eternally by Gaia. My mom is a witch, while my father is a human,” the sorcerer explained and took off his gloves, showing off the blackened sharp fingers. “This is my hand without any magic masking it. The proof that I am born from witch blood.”)
It was a miracle that the villagers hadn’t killed him on the spot, instead they gave him a place to sleep and food to eat in exchange working from door to door. They still called him names and treated him unfairly, but for Hikarino, as long as he could still see the tomorrow then he didn’t mind it. He knew very well that they could kill him anytime they wanted.
(“According to my mother’s diary, my father apparently has done many bad things to the point he got cursed pretty badly. That’s why he was branded as a sinner by villagers. Since I have his blood, I was branded as one too. It was simply unavoidable.”)
And before he knew it, everything they did to him became a norm.
Not that Hikarino didn’t mind being treated like a piece of shit, but he just didn’t have any reason to be ashamed of his past. How could he, if in the first place he didn’t have anything worth to be proud of? How could he, if the reason he was still able to live until this day was because the villagers chose to keep him alive?
“...And that’s why, as cheesy as it sounds, I am forever grateful for being here,” the sorcerer put back his gloves. There was a tiny, warm smile blooming on his face accompanied with a shy red hue coloring his cheek. “I’m glad you all are kind people.”
Not only that I’m finally able to meet my counterpart face-to-face, I’m also able to meet you all. The fact that I can sit here, listening to you all talking, is something I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed to happen, was something he wanted to say but he was already too embarrassed.
Nevertheless, everything he had said and everything he chose not to say, all of it were nothing but the truth. Hikarino didn’t mind if it’s impossible for them to be as close as their counterpart’s group. As long as he was able to sit alongside them like this was more than he could dream of.
The others could only fall into another silence listening to his words.
Kind.
If anything, the alters were far from kind. They all had their own portion of cruelty, sadistic streak, and kill counts. They were a bunch of individualistic, egoistic, prideful assholes and knew it very well. Kindness was not the right word to describe their nature.
Yet.
Hikarino, the master of dark magic who for sure can kill them in one snap, the man who treated his tragic past like a silly telltales worth to be laughed at. The absolute fool who treated his mistreatment childhood worth to be villain backstory as normality.
While knowing very well their true nature, what they had done and will still continue, he still had a ball to call them as ‘kind’.
They knew Hikarino never complained when his effort to make them get along was met with another silent treatment. They knew that they were able to sit together like this was all thanks to Hikarino’s persistence, but being called kind for showing a lick of respect?
It was, in a way… disheartening. It’s very wrong.
Box was the first one to break the silence. “...Hikarino, child,” he approached the sorcerer slowly and kneeled down to meet his eyes. His eyes were full of concern, pain, and pity. “You—I’m really happy that you think highly of us, but… it’s so wrong. Your past, your way you see yourself, it’s just so, so wrong.”
“What—”
“Your upbringing,” Eki added. “It was nothing but normal, Hikarino. If I were you I would’ve massacred all of your shitty villagers.”
“But—”
“Okay, okay, game’s over,” Kanekuro clapped twice before standing up. Without any notice he held Hikarino in bridal style, making the smaller man let out a surprised squeak. “New mission. There is a total weirdo among us that needs some adjustment with his common sense. Box, you seem to know your ways so tell us what to do. And for you Hikarino?”
The man unconsciously gulped hard under the heavy stare. “Y-yes?”
“You are not allowed to go anywhere without us. For now you sleep with me in my room.”
“Now hold your horses, Kanekuro!” Rias stood up absurdly, pointing one of his throw knives toward the mafia boss. “Don’t go decide things on your own, fuckers! You don’t even hear confirmation from Hikarino!”
The black-haired man only raised one eyebrow. “Well, Hikarino? What do you think?”
“Uhhh…” Hikarino was very, very confused now. “Sure, I think?”
“You heard him, detective.”
“It’s because he is confused!”
Hikarino couldn’t proceed with what just happened. All he did was tell them his past; yes, he agreed it might be too extreme for a normal human, but the alters were anything but normal. He didn’t understand their action.
“Why?”
Why were you all so freaked out? The fact that he was a cursed child born from sinners was the truth. The tales of him missing some limbs were just one of many things that happened to him.
It was surely nothing for them. He was so convinced they would’ve laughed or even lightly mocked him, and they would continue the game like the other days. Even so, Hikarino didn’t mind it.
So, why?
“...We might be assholes, but treating one of us badly is just not it,” Eki murmured getting close to him. He took one of Hikarino’s hands and kissed his knuckle. “Especially if it’s you. I don’t care if you’re cursed or being the son of killers whatsoever, all I know is that you should stop thinking of yourself low.”
Rias immediately piped in, “Your past is too fucked up. Did you once say that you’re stranded here and don't know the way back home?” Hikarino nodded hastily. “Good. Don’t ever, ever come back to that shitty place.”
His eyes were twitching looking at Eki’s hand over Hikarino’s but chose to not say anything about it. It was not the right time to start another fight.
Hikarino wasn’t sure how to react, but he knew their words were sincere. They were all angry, disappointed, and saddened but not directed to him. It’s all on his behalf.
“I…” he is looking, really looking at everyone’s face, one by one. Studying their raw expression. Gulping all the emotion radiating, all the words that had been thrown, and proceeding it carefully.
It was…something completely foreign.
Hikarino couldn’t understand. He couldn’t put how he was feeling right now into words; it’s like when he heard Shu for the first time saying that he cared for him. His instinct was telling him to run away and hide somewhere, but his heart kept asking for more.
It was warm. It was so foreign and so warm, he was left speechless, yet at the same time there's thousand words of gratitude he wanted to say. He wanted everyone to know that he didn’t deserve this kind attention. He wanted everyone to know that he craved for more. It was so confusing his stomach felt fluttery.
I don’t understand, was the only thing echoing in his mind. His throat felt funny and there was aching pain on his chest. He could feel Kanekuro hugging him closer, making him choke his breath. I don’t understand…
Hikarino didn’t even notice there were tears falling down, but everyone noticed it. Yet, they chose not to say it, only keeping it to themselves vowing not wanting to see it for the second time.
It would be a long ride to convince Hikarino that he deserved better. There was no guarantee that Hikarino would change his self-sacrificial mindset and actually learned how important he was for the alters.
Unlike their original counterparts, they were just a bunch of egoistic assholes who could think for themselves. It was an undeniable fact that even their own self was aware of it.
But if it’s for their dear Hikarino, the ever-kind sorcerer who always did his best to give his love yet never experiencing receiving it… there was nothing bad about being a little bit softy, wasn’t it?
Hikarino Shu wasn’t supposed to be born.
He was born from curses and the blood of sinners. His mother was a witch—a sorcerer who had lost her way and cursed eternally by the Gaia to be a beast’s underling, and his father was a poor human who mysteriously disappeared within the forest. Some said that he was running away from his own wife. Some said that his wife cursed him when she found out he was cheating on him.
But now, it doesn’t matter anymore.
What’s important right now is that Hikarino Shu is loved. He is loved by his original counterpart. He is loved by his own alter members.
He may be not supposed to be born, his existence may start with various misfortunes and sins, but no one said that he doesn’t deserve love.