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Contrary to popular belief, Hikarino wasn't an all powerful sorcerer.
There was the blood of a witch running within his vines, but only half of it. His father was a normal human; a sinner, true, but nonetheless a normal, powerless, human.
His mana pool was enough to keep him alive living alone within the forest full of demonic beasts and faes who had lost their light, but it wasn’t enough to destroy even the smallest village. Curses and spells he had learned only worked on cursed creatures, but it was a different story when the subject was human beings or any creature under God’s protection.
There was an equivalent law, even for magic.
Tooth for a tooth. Mouth for a mouth.
Evil, for an evil.
To curse creatures under God’s protection meant one must prepare their spell to bind them too. It was a norm knowledge among spellcasters and sorcerers, yet non-magic people didn’t know any better.
It can’t be helped, Hikarino thought. It was human instinct to fear the unknown. Fear turned into hate, and hate turned into desire for absolute annihilation.
It was a right thing to do to stay away from people inside his village once he was an adult. It was a little bit lonely, but at least he didn’t need to worry about being dragged into village’s hall and being hanged for being the son of a witch.
He would do anything so he could stay alive. He would comply with any circumstances as long as he could see tomorrow’s sunrise. That’s all that matters.
But sometimes, once in a while, Hikarino couldn’t help but wonder,
For what reason did he need to stay alive?
Shu remembered his meeting with Hikarino perfectly well.
"You're... my counterpart."
"...Yes,” The child who reflected on the mirror had the same disbelief tone as Shu’s. “I…I believe I am your counterpart. Maybe."
It started with an accident when Shu tried to do the curse he just learned. It’s a simple curse—a spell to create a magic mirror to show one’s deepest desire. The spell was easy to do especially with his natural large mana pool, but what made it difficult was the procedures he needed to prepare. He messed up the kanji and led him to this situation.
He somehow managed to connect with his other self from a different dimension through the magic mirror.
“You—who are you?” The child around his age, completed with a face almost the same as him, excluding the different color palette of their hair. Shu was very sure they could pass as a fraternal twin. “Why is this mirror suddenly talking to me? I thought Mother no longer has any active magic items… Is the fairy lying to me again?”
Shu frowned at his words. Fairy? What is he talking about? From what he learned from his father’s old scrolls, fairy kinds had long ago gone back to Avalon since the death of King Arthur; the final proof of the end of the Era of Myth and the start of the Era of Human. No mythical creatures could live in a world where Human Will’s influence was stronger.
“That’s my line! WHO are you?”
“Huh—me?” The young sorcerer in training nodded. His somewhat doppelganger looked around unsure, “You… are you planning to take my name?!”
“How can you come to that conclusion?!”
It took several hot minutes of confusion before their connection got cut, several days of Shu trying to relearn how to do this accidental spell from the scratch, and another confusing several meetings where they tried to understand each other.
There was lots of mana he burned, many precious magical items he used, but it’s all worth it when they finally found themselves in the same understanding where they were now.
“Mother nature’s influence is still around?! I thought it had perished when King Arthur died!”
“Who’s King Arthur?”
“...Uh.”
It was a chain of awkward situations and lots, lots of vague explanations in fear of exposing a not-yet confirmed future. Thankfully his counterpart, Hikarino Shu, understood the weight of responsibility and didn’t press further and never asked much about Shu’s world.
All they knew was Hikarino lived in a world where Gaia, or Mother Nature’s influence was stronger, while Shu lived in a world where Alaya, or Will of Humanity’s influence was stronger. It somewhat explained why Hikarino seemed to live in a world where mythical creatures still roamed around freely, while Shu lived in a world where humans and their sub-species—like ghosts and spirits—had stronger presence.
At first, it was all fun. He never had someone around his age to talk about magic without mentioning bloodline or parents’ achievement. Hikarino felt like a long lost twin for Shu.
But the happiness gradually disappeared as Shu realized something was wrong with Hikarino.
“Hikarino… Why are your fingers blackened and sharp?”
“This? Oh, it’s nothing. Just a blood curse from my mom. She’s a witch, you know.”
“Witch? Like, female magic user?”
“What? No. Witch as in those who lose themselves into the magic itself and cursed by Mother Nature into demonic beast. Are they not common in your world?”
“...It’s not…”
“...Oh.”
Yamino Shu was a fool. He should have realized it sooner.
The shabby ‘workshop’. The irregular time of the day. The way Hikarino always appeared weaker and weaker in every chance they met face to face. He should have realized it all sooner; way before Shu had to find it in the worst way possible.
“Hello, Shu—Shu?”
“Hikarino…? W—What happened to you…?”
Unlike Shu, Hikarino wasn't blessed with magic for honor and interest. He was forced to learn it just to survive with only wilderness and strong will to stay alive as his sole teacher.
Unlike Shu, Hikarino wasn’t surrounded by people worth protecting. People who loved him and he loved them back.
Hikarino was surrounded by monsters. Monsters who dared to call themselves as human, weaponizing fear and helplessness as reason to rise pitch and forks. All just because they couldn’t understand the power they had; all just because Hikarino was different.
Even until now, Shu could only shudder in fear, imagining what kind of life Hikarino had to endure.
"Shu..." a hand reached out, only stopped in the middle because of the magic mirror barrier separating them. "Why are you crying? Please, I hate it when you're sad."
Shu remembered the train of emotions that hit him in the guts. It was painful; he couldn’t even utter any words as his mouth was full of tears and unexplainable pain spreading around from chest to stomach. He wasn't even strong enough to endure listening to his stories before crumbling into the floor, becoming a sobbing mess.
Hikarino’s smile made him want to puke. Shu couldn’t stomach the sight; him, smiling innocently as if trying to reassure nothing happened. As if it was not him, the one with ugly bruises adorned his entire body. As if it was not him, legs bare and full of cut wounds, bruises, and dirt that he couldn’t even see the real color of his foot. All poorly hidden under cheap-looking and thin poor excuses of a cloth.
Shu couldn't imagine the pain. The humiliation. All the hardship his own counterpart had to endure just for the sake of reaching another tomorrow.
But the reason why he cried was because,
"Why don't you cry?" Shu tried to wipe his tears clean but to no avail. It kept falling and falling that his chest felt like burning and melting down. "Isn't it painful for you too?"
Hikarino tilted his head, eyes jaded void from all emotion. He didn't understand what Shu just said.
"...Why should I?” he asked back. Shu widened his eyes in utter disbelief, couldn't believe what he heard next.
“There is nothing worth crying for. My wounds will be healed by tomorrow, so you don't have to worry."
Nothing worth crying for, he said. Speaking so lightly as if he was talking about everyday weather, about how nice it was to take a walk under warm sun.
Shu didn’t want to believe it, but his instinct that had been honed by intense training and meditation couldn’t be deceived by a mere emotion.
There was no lie within his words. There was no deceiveness within his actions.
There was no anger.
There was no sadness.
There was no happiness.
Hikarino truly, truly believed that everything he had said was a reality itself. There was no need for pity nor any emotion; as he had accepted it since a long time ago as his own ‘truth’.
Shu remembered left in shambles, and something inside him snapped.
To master magic meant one had to walk side-by-side with death itself.
Shu didn’t understand what it meant at first.
To him, magic and curses were like breathing to him. Not only did he have a natural large mana pool, he was also quick to master mana flow control and had a deep understanding about the concept. His brain was like a sponge to water; every magic lesson and every curse he had been taught, Shu would master it in no time. All he needed to perfect it was memorizing steps in rituals and any spell in need of sacrifices.
He thought that magic wasn’t all different from learning human’s knowledge in school. All he needed was memorizing, practicing it, then developing it into an advanced level if it’s possible.
They said he was a genius. They said that even death hated him with how remarkable he was. He genuinely thought they were just exaggerating.
Until he met Hikarino.
His counterpart who hailed from a world mirrored from his own. The child of the witch and sinners—a nickname provided by the person itself. A sorcerer, just like him, but at the same time was so, so different.
Hikarino was the definition of what his parents had tried to hammer down on his brain. He was the living reality of side-by-side, courting with death in every step he took, as magic continued dancing around his palm.
It made Shu feel ashamed. How could he, a person who was blessed with countless privileges and potential, dared to flaunt his talent uselessly when others bleed to death just to get to his current position? How could he call himself the counterpart of Hikarino when he wasn’t even aware of his own foolishness?
Shu must become someone better. He had to be a better protector, a better sorcerer so he wouldn’t be as helpless as before. He wouldn’t just go cry and wail like a baby when he knew he could do something—even if it might cause turbulence within time and space.
He didn’t want to see any wounds coloring his counterpart’s body. He didn’t want to see him smiling again and again, as if he wasn't the one who got hurt the most.
Shu vowed to never, ever cry as helpless as before. He would make sure that when the time had come, he would be the one who gave a reassuring smile to Hikarino.
“Is it here the hideout?”
Shu nodded. They currently stood inside an abandoned mansion. According to the locals here, this place stood for almost twenty years. It was a land without any owner, but strange things always happened when someone decided to claim the house and that land.
“I can feel it. Be careful, the mana flow is very unstable,” he said.
It was a desperate exorcism request that came into Shu’s attention. He was aware that the barrier between the human realm and spirit realm had become weaker nearing the day of Obon, but he never expected for a higher creature causing chaos in the neighborhood. There were various reports of monsters accidentally getting caught on camera or people witnessing zombie-look-alikes roam around at night and killing anyone on their sight.
Vox theorized it might be the work of a demon. “They are taking advantage of the current situation,” he explained. “Obon is like a Christmas day for monsters who can control mana. Not only has the influence of the Will of Humanity has become weak, spirits can roam around freely in the human realm. If they get affected with mana, they can transform into curses or even ghoul. Be careful.”
Shu cringed. The birth of the ghoul army was the least thing he wanted; they might be easy to kill as they were not different from zombies, but their regeneration power could be a hassle. He needed to find the mastermind real quick.
“Do you think our enemy is a youkai ?”
Vox snorted. “Worse. We are talking about higher level creatures than youkai . if I can guess, it’s probably a demon.”
Coming from the entrance of the mansion, Hikarino clicked his tongue. He just finished putting a bounded field around the mansion in order to avoid unwanted attention from locals. “A mind controlling demon, then,” he noted. “I sense a group of ghouls at 3 o’clock. Be careful. Rias, Kanekuro, do you think you can take care of it?”
Before he received any response, gunshots rang through followed by the sound of bullet met flesh. Kanekuro frowned, looking at his gun then at the distant pile of corpses. “That’s it? Disappointing.”
“Don’t get too cocky,” Box chided the bigger man. “Ghoul is a creature with high regeneration power. You’re lucky because you hit straight to its core, but you could’ve wasted more bullets if you missed it.”
Eki perked at the word ‘regeneration’. “So they won’t die easily as long as you don’t destroy their core?” he questioned with an unusually high spirit. “Do you think we can keep one?”
“It doesn’t work that way, idiot.”
“They are really lively,” Vox whispered to Shu. The sorcerer only offered an amused smile. “How are you able to invite them? I thought most of them hate our guts.”
“Not me,” Shu responded back in the same manner. “It’s Hikarino. They are very adamant to not leave him alone when I told him we are going to do this mission.”
It was unexpected, but not unwelcome. He admitted that Meixul, as an entire gang, had better experience in fighting physical creatures. Vox alone was probably enough to fend off ghouls and capture the demon, but it wouldn’t hurt to be extra cautious.
Although, it was still a mystery for Shu why they suddenly got so close with his counterpart. Maybe Hikarino’s effort to make them get along with each other had borne fruit? If so, Shu was happy for him.
“Huh,” Vox blinked, watching Rias and Kanekuro bickering with great interest. “I see. So it’s like that, huh?”
“Hm?”
“Ah, no,” Vox sent a cryptid smile and shook his head. “Nothing. I just found something interesting. Let’s continue our investigation. The quicker we can finish it, the better. I bet others are waiting for us too.”
Shu was confused at the strange gesture Vox just showed but he chose to shrug it. He was right; the quicker, the better. He gestured to Hikarino, watching as his counterpart nodded in understanding and relayed the information to other Meixul members. It was interesting seeing Kanekuro and Rias immediately stop their fight with one quick look from Hikarino.
He was glad Hikarino was now in a better environment. Nevertheless, he would do anything to make sure nothing could hurt him anymore. Not even the demon, Meixul, or even Hikarino himself.
Hikarino watched in awe as the spiritual duo of Luxiem once again successfully exorcized another greater spirit. It’s as if he was looking at an art performance; there were no excessive words being exchanged nor unneeded movement. It’s as clear as day that both Vox and Shu placed a great trust in each other’s backs.
Shu didn’t utter any words as he threw his shikigami paper and burned his enemies into ashes— wordless chants, his head whispered in disbelief, the highest form of spellcasting . Since when did he start to learn to do it? He was very sure it was something almost impossible to do in Shu’s home dimension where Alaya’s influence was stronger, yet his counterpart never stopped surprising him.
As expected of Shu, he is always talented when it comes to magic.
There was a pang on his chest. Hikarino unconsciously put a hand on it, gripping it hard as his chest felt tighter than usual.
He didn’t deserve to be Shu’s counterpart.
Unlike him, Hikarino didn’t even have adequate knowledge in spells and curses as he was a self-taught relying on tattered notebook his late mother had left. His mana pool wasn’t big enough to cast difficult spells; the hardest one he could do without him getting fainted on spot was sealing spirits—not a complete annihilation like he was supposed to do. What he did was throwing his supposed-to-be his responsibility to future himself, again and again.
Shu was like a bright star shone up in the sky. Twinkling so bright, he guided the lost one back to their home with utmost kind. His presence never caused any discomfort to anyone who dared staring straight at him. In fact, it brought a sense of security knowing he would always be there, protecting and helping those in need.
Hikarino was nothing close to it. All he knew was destroying those who had been corrupted for eternity, yet helpless when it came to those under God’s subjugation. He should’ve known he wasn’t suitable in this world. There was no room for acceptance for a useless man who was constantly in need of someone’s help.
He was talentless. Cursed. Couldn’t even do something to help his own team as they were facing another wave of ghouls other than strengthening barriers within the mansion so they wouldn’t escape. Which was completely unneeded as they always died before even had a chance to break the form.
Useless. Unneeded. Too weak.
Gulping another bitter feeling running through his throat, all Hikarino could do was watch them from the sidelines.
He truly was a burden, wasn’t he?
It all happened so fast Shu couldn’t decipher what just happened.
He barely heard Vox scream to move. Shu barely had time to process what he had just said before Hikarino tackled him down.
Something exploded. He could hear someone screaming in pain, sounds of walls crumbled and destroyed, and the mana around the air spiked up tremendously as Hikarino extended his hand creating a wall of barrier.
“What in the world—”
“Don’t step outside the barrier!” Hikarino’s scream rang through the room. “Vox! Are you okay?!”
“Do I look okay to you?!” Vox,in his half transformation into his demon form, groaned from another side of the room. He struggled to stand up as he barely avoided attack from the intruder. “ God fucking-–! ”
Fast! Shu barely caught the afterimage of whatever they were facing right now. All he could see was a black dots jumping from one wall to another, attacking Vox in every momentum.
Another gunshot rang through, followed by throwing knives flying past them and stabbing it. It screamed in pain and instinctively stopped its track looking around to find the culprit.
Shu didn’t miss a beat. He instinctively threw his shikigami paper to stun the intruder down. The monster let out a loud screech as it fell into the crater. Box used his wings to blow off the dust and debris covering their sight to give a better view.
It was…something he couldn’t describe with words.
Black. That was the first thing passed his head as he stared at the culprit behind the ghouls terrorizing citizens and the source or twisted mana scattered around in the air like a toxic gas. It took the form of an unexplainable creature; he couldn't even be sure what kind of monster it was. It’s as if it was some kind of chimera failed product.
It felt like they were staring at the representation of the nightmare itself.
Shu heard someone make a gagging sound. “What the fuck is that thing?!”
Vox was the first one to break his stupor. “Save the question for later,” he sent a mental nudge at his partner. “Shu, quick. Before it has a chance to retaliate.”
The sorcerer nodded in confirmation. He threw another paper seal on the creature's body, wrote the spell on the air using his chi, and then he fell into silent concentration.
Something was wrong.
Hikarino couldn’t shake off the odd feeling creeped on his back. He knew something was incredibly wrong, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. All he could do was watch as Shu made preparations to do an exorcism ritual so he could burn the creature into ashes, with the intention to bring peace to the poor souls.
And his worries came true.
In its weakened state, the creature screeched. The screech created a massive shockwave shaking the whole building, destroying walls and windows in process. Vox immediately changed into his demon form—an enormous size of winged demon—and circled his wings around Shu, protecting him with his own body and mana. The demon was barely strong enough to stay on his feet protecting Shu from the shock, while Hikarino held back the pained scream as he exhorted more power into the barrier he created, negating the shockwave pressure for people within the zone.
“It’s no ordinary demon!” Vox screamed in between gritting teeth. “Anyone has an idea what in seven hell is that? Because I don’t!”
“That… That’s not a demon,” Hikarino breathed out. His eyes couldn’t stop staring since the moment he lied his eyes upon it. He recognized all of its features; its wail, its corrupted mana, everything.
He was more than familiar with it, as his own blood literally sang in joy within its presence. How come I’m not recognize it at first glance?
“It’s a witch! I’m sure of it!”
“Witch?!”
Shu immediately brain sacked his memories. Witch. Not about female magic users, but other things. Witch. A creature that Hikarino was familiar with, yet neither Shu nor Vox did.
Wait. Didn’t Hikarino once mention that his mother was a witch? That witch creature was common in his world? Didn’t that mean the enemy they currently fought was— ”Vox!”
“What?! Sorry, can’t focus! Just tell me!”
“It’s not a demon!” he screamed. “It’s a monster from another world!”
“What the fuck?!”
“Shit—” Hikarino fell to the floor, panting. The mana usage, combined with the stress of resisting the witch’s call within his body, had taken a big toll on his body. His expression was twisted horribly in pain. People immediately called his name, alarmed.
“Hikarino!” Shu almost ran to the fallen sorcerer but the other man extended a hand showing his palm, gesturing to him to stop. Rias was already helping him to stand up, face painted in uncharacteristically worry. “I’m—I’m okay,” he gasped out. “They’re calling for its kin! Everyone, prepare for the big wave of ghouls! You too, Rias!”
“But—”
Hikarino immediately cut in. “It's do or die, idiot!” He barked. “Just go outside, don’t mind me!”
Rias didn’t move an inch from his spot even when the notable rumble of furious footsteps had been caught by their ears. Hikarino shot a glare, annoyed with this man’s hardheadedness, and forcibly removed his hand. Not long after Hikarino was about to fall down once more, but this time he prevailed.
Panting hard and legs shuddering once in every second, Hikarino stood up high facing the killer detective face to face. One could see how much in pain he was right now, but it’s hard to ignore the burning will reflected on his eyes.
“Look,” a smirk bloomed on his face. “I’m standing up. By myself. Now what’s you gonna do, huh?”
Rias breathed out. “You absolute fucking fool,” he cursed. Nevertheless, the man finally relented and took steps away from him. Without saying any words the others followed suit, understanding very well the weight of the current situation.
“Make sure they won’t get here!”
“Shut up and go kill that bitch already!”
“Easier said than done,” Hikarino whispered to himself. It’s almost impossible to kill a witch. They were destined to die by itself as a form of punishment for going astray from Mother Nature’s path. Suicide was not an option; in the end they would regenerate again and had to suffer from painstakingly long erosion and went crazy in the process.
Because of it, witches usually went into hiding forever as they were ashamed of their current situation. They hated any creatures that resembled humans as it reminded them what they could’ve been if they didn’t break the law. Because of said hate, they gained the ability to mind control non-magic user creatures including normal humans.
In other words, witches are humanity’s natural enemy and the only thing that could kill them was time.
Thankfully, Hikarino knew how to kill them. He had learned it after many years encountered various kinds of witches, from those who had fallen into despair to those who successfully overcame their own sin and became an entity closest to sage.
Yet, the real question was,
Can I do it? Loudly rang inside his ears, heart, and brain. Hikarino stared at his shaky hands, knowing very well he had hit his limit. He could even sense the bounded field surrounding the mansion had started to get weaker. Can I do it with my current condition?
Was it worth it?
To kill his own kin, for stranger’s sake.
Because in the end, his value wouldn’t change. He would stay as the bottom feeder in the society; the useless, unneeded, weak Hikarino Shu. Always running, running, and running away without any courage and power to claim victory on his own.
Wasn’t that how he stayed alive until now? Always in the mercy of others?
It’s scary. He didn’t want to do it. He wanted to run away.
It’s scary.
It’s scary.
It’s…
…What am I talking about?
How laughable. Hikarino couldn’t believe how such a coward he was to the point he dared to question whether it was worthy or not.
And he dared to command others what to do! Let Vox and Shu endure the pain, completely clueless what to do next! He really, really wanted to beat himself up; the others had put big trust on it yet all he could think was how scary it was.
Sure, it’s scary. Dying was very, very scary. He doubted there was any sane person who wasn’t scared of death at least at one point of their life. It was integrated deep inside of the concept of living.
But,
While it’s scary, Hikarino was still a human with desire. A strong desire that casted away all of worry that grounded his unsureness. A strong desire that pushed him to extend his hand as far as he could, as if he was trying to reach the pitiful creature. The barrier that had protected him vanished, letting the shockwave from the still-screaming witch hit him hard.
It was painful. His entire skin, bones, meat, everything was shaking and screaming, as if it was begging to be free from their misery. He could taste metallic liquid forming from his throat, making him hard to breathe. His chest felt like it wanted to explode.
It’s okay, he reassured himself. You’ve experienced worse. This is nothing.
Hikarino barely heard Shu call his name, and Vox screamed asking what he was doing. He wished he could tell them beforehand, but he had no time to waste. Hikarino had only one chance to make this happen; if he failed, then everyone would be doomed and he wouldn’t get another chance to make his desire come true.
Though, if he was allowed to regret one thing, Hikarino regretted that he didn’t have a chance to be more open to his own counterpart.
Oh, well. Now or never.
The fire behind him glowed, danced, and enveloped both Hikarino and the screaming witch like a mother giving a big hug to her children.
World fell into deep silence.
Beauty was a mysterious concept for Hikarino.
For a start, he knew many things that were considered beautiful.
Flowers in the garden were beautiful. The chirping birds in the morning were beautiful. Even the sight of a tall tree standing up tall and proud could be considered as beautiful. Depending on the person themselves, anything and everything could be the standard of “the beauty” itself.
Although, when it came to real people, Hikarino couldn’t say the same.
He wasn’t too fond of people from the village enough to call them “beautiful”. Not that they were ugly or had hideous appearance, it was just that his heart couldn’t bring himself to refer to them as anything related to “beauty”.
It was confusing at first, but Hikarino gradually learned that beautiness was an abstract concept based on his feelings.
Beauty, too, came to different reactions.
Sometimes beauty exists to be praised.
Sometimes beauty exists to be loved.
And sometimes, beauty exists to be a reason to live and protect.
It was something Hikarino realized once he stepped into this new world, and he was forever grateful for it. Even if he had to part away with his friends back in his old world, he now had something worth dying for. Something worth protecting.
Shu, his beloved counterpart, the brightest Northern Star always guiding those who lost their way, was a beauty worth to protect.
Vox, someone who was dear to his counterpart and kind even if the blood of old demon running within his veins, was a beauty worth to protect.
Everyone from Meixul, even with all of their sins and blood they had spilled over and over, was a beauty worth to protect.
Their love, their affection, their entire being was a beauty worth to protect, over and over until nothing was left from his body.
I want to feel how it is to protect what I think is beautiful, was Hikarino’s first and the most selfish desire he had ever experienced in his entire life.
A man who used to harbor no desire for death or life. A man who was always being protected, loved, and cherished without any ability to appreciate it to the fullest. A man who had nothing to offer, who never had experienced offering something for someone within his own will—up until now.
He wanted to protect all of it, even at the cost of his life.
It was like watching a movie.
Within his vision, something important, something that might change the entire world happened. Deep inside he knew he could do something. He should do something. Extended his hands, calling names, or even screamed. Anything.
Yet, nothing came out. His brain had long stopped comprehending what was reality and what was fiction. His body couldn’t budge at all, frozen in his place as if not wanting to miss every single motion.
All Shu could do was watch, as both Hikarino and the witch were enveloped with Hikarino’s trademark green flames. As the witch gradually cried and wailed pitifully, while flames coated its entire body like a moth for flame.
Shu could only watch, like a child bated his breath watching his favorite main character fight to claim victory, as the flame went bigger, bigger, bigger then disappeared leaving ashes and echoing cry.
Silence.
The sorcerer was too stunned to speak anything, and he was sure Vox was the same. At first he was worried because Hikarino suddenly dispatched his barrier, but then he didn’t expect for him to kill the witch in one single spell. Is this the power of a sorcerer under Gaia’s law? Shu wondered.
It was, if the words of his choice were appropriate, cool as fuck.
Shu barely acknowledged the light pat on his shoulder. He let out a shuddered breath, didn’t realize he had been holding his breath for a while. God, his heart felt like a parade; it drummed so hard it felt like they could jump from his throat anytime soon.
They did it, he slowly came into realization, together with an excited smile bloomed on his face. Hikarino did it! They defeated the witch!
“Hikarino!” Shu approached his counterpart with Vox tailed behind him. He was oddly silent and hadn't moved from his spot, but probably it was because he was dead tired. The amount of mana he had been used was insane, even Shu himself doubted he could do the same. “You did it! Are you—”
Shu halted his words. His expression immediately fell down as Hikarino lifted his head toward him.
“...S’u?” he croaked weakly, as blood fell down like a waterfall from his mouth and face pale like a dying man.
Shu was too stunned even to breathe.
“Ah, haha, ha…” Hikarino, coughing blood here and there, laughed. A reassuring smile, the same smile that always brought terror and pain to his stomach, slowly formed in every syllable. “To th’nk S’u see me l’ke t’is… how emba’ssing…”
Shu didn’t say anything. Even if he wanted to do it so badly, he couldn’t. No words passed on his brain, only focused on blood dripping slowly on the corner of Hikarino’s mouth and eyes.
His instinct urged him to say something. Anything. Yet nothing came from his mouth. His tongue felt numb and cold running through his system like an ice water being splashed to his entire body.
He wanted to believe this was just a bad dream. A very bad dream he hoped something, somebody, anyone would wake him up from this horrible dream.
“S’u.”
Hikarino took one staggering step closer. He took another step, but his knees immediately gave up. He almost fell to the ground if Shu didn’t immediately catch him in his embrace. The sorcerer almost choked on his tears as he felt the thin, raspy breath weakly tickling his neck.
“Hikarino,” Shu let out a shuddered breath. He couldn’t cry right now. He shouldn’t. “It’s—” What should he say to him?
“It’s okay. We win. No one gets h-hurts. So, please…”
“Ahh…” his voice getting weaker and weaker. “‘m glad…”
No. Please.
“Hikarino,” Shu activated his magic in desperation. He didn’t care if his mana was dangerously depleting or whether his action could boost Hikarino’s regeneration faster; he wanted his counterpart to stay alive! No matter what! “Please. Stay awake, Hika. Please.”
Shu didn’t like how his vision became blurry. Shu certainly didn’t like how Hikarino’s body started to feel heavier, heavier, and heavier like an empty shell, lacking consciousness and soul.
This couldn’t be happening. He had vowed to protect Hikarino from anything that could harm him. He had vowed to not let him suffer any pain.
Yet, the proof of his helplessness was within his embrace, smiling and laughing as if this was just another “reality” one must accept as it was.
“Hika, Hika, Hika,” Shu kept calling his name like a mantra, trying his best not to break into a crying mess. He didn’t even pay attention to Vox and others who had gathered around them. All Shu cared right now was Hikarino alone and the mana flow on his hands. He couldn’t give up. He must not give up! Pump more mana into his body, goddammit!
Hikarino’s consciousness became thinner and thinner in every second. His gaze was empty, and his body was already on Shu’s mercy. All he could do was mumble oh so softly, only his counterpart could hear what he said.
“‘m glad… e’ry’one… save…”
Shu gritted his teeth hard and hot tears ran through his cheek.
Please, don’t die on me!
To curse creatures under God’s protection meant one must prepare their spell to bind them too. It was one of many absolute rules within the world where Gaia’s influence—Hikarino’s world—applied.
Unfortunately, this was not Hikarino’s world. Neither Shu’s. This world was an utopia for both human and inhuman beings where impossible things became a part of this norm; the result of how Gaia and Alaya were able to coexist without one trying to dominate another. Yet the same utopia fired back to Hikarino, as it created paradox as the basic rules of the spell and the rules of the world clashed with each other.
In other words, it was an anomaly.
And anomaly was… anomaly was rarely a good thing.
There was a price one had to pay. There was a responsibility one had to bear.
(There was an equivalent law, even for magic.
Tooth for a tooth. Mouth for a mouth.
Evil, for an evil.
Death, for another death.)
It was painful.
It was so painful Hikarino wanted to scream, yet he couldn’t. He barely could even breathe let alone speak a word. Everything felt so painful it was numbing all of his senses. He barely could feel his own body; it’s as if all of his limbs were chopped off, only his heart and brain remained.
Hikarino wondered if this was how it felt when humans without regeneration power was facing death. The sense of nothingness, numbing pain, and emptiness. He felt like he was back in the day where the villagers kept him inside the barn where he couldn’t predict whether tomorrow would still come to him or not.
In a sense, it was nostalgic. Not that he was happy about it.
…Ahh.
Hikarino blinked so slowly. He couldn’t see anything; everything was so blurry. Voices, too, all he could hear was the buzz created by mixed vibrations. It somehow calmed him down, knowing that he wouldn’t die alone, even if he didn’t know who was who.
He let out another shuddered breath as someone once again pumped a mana towards his body. Whoever he was, he could feel the desperation and subtle telling him that they didn’t want him to die.
It was... touching. With him having the power of fast regeneration, Hikarino was not a stranger when facing death itself. But never, in his entire life, he had someone who wanted him to stay alive to the point of desperation. Though, it’s still a waste of good mana. He didn’t deserve it.
He wanted to tell whoever this person was to stop spending their precious mana for someone like him.
Hikarino blinked again, this time it was faster. Even if his throat was too damaged by all the blood clogging up, at very least he had to know who was who. That was the right thing to do.
Everything was still blurry. The buzz around him got louder and louder as he started to recognize some words, such as “ don’t go ”, “ awake ”, and “ help ”. He couldn’t recognize who was speaking, but from the voice tone he knew they cared so much for him.
Ahhh, I can’t… It’s become harder to breathe. No matter how Hikarino forced himself to open his eyes, the darkness seemed adamant to call his name every few moments. He forced himself to add more oxygen to his lung, coughing all the way ignoring the surprising cries.
Hikarino wanted to see them. If this was truly his last moment, he wanted to confirm that he didn’t die alone, that the voices around him weren't just an illusion. He wanted to know, wanted to confirm, that he wasn’t fated to be alone like how he used to believe.
He blinked one more time, took a shuddering breath, and saw it.
It was barely, but it was there . Thousands and thousands color, like a kaleidoscope, twinkling and dancing merrily within his darkened vision. WIthin the blurriness and dizziness, he could see yellow, purple, orange, white, red, black, and many others. All surrounded him and held him oh so close, never once leaving him alone even if he was in such pitiful state. It reminded him of valleys of flowers where nothing but pretty colors spreaded around as far as he could see.
It was breathtaking. It was heartwarming.
It was,
“Beautiful…”
Ahh. Aahhh… This is it, Hikarino couldn’t help but tear up. This is what he tried to protect. What he wanted to cherish forever in his heart, ingrained to his brain so he wouldn’t forget for eternity.
This was all he wanted. The reason why he stubbornly stayed alive, again and again.
All just for experiencing today’s event. All for the single, utterly foolish, insignificant action yet it was everything for him.
The satisfaction of saving someone else.
Thank you, kept repeating in his heart. Thank you for letting me experience it.
Thank you for giving me purpose.
Thank you.
(Their love, their affection, their entire being was a beauty worth to protect, over and over until nothing was left from his body.
He wanted to protect all of it, even at the cost of his life.)
Darkness once again called his name. This time, Hikarino welcomed it with open arms; fully satisfied knowing that he had fulfilled his desire to protect what he cherished.
“Shu, you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.”
“Mm.”
“You haven’t changed your clothes either. The blood will stick forever to your clothes, you know.”
“...Mm.”
“...” Vox walked toward the sitting figure beside the bed. On the bed, lying there unconscious Hikarino with most of his wounds had been patched up. They barely saved his life by pumping various mana—from Shu, Vox, and even Box. At first they doubted it would work considering the last two’s existence like water and oil, but it seemed Hikarino’s body could accept it without any hitch.
The body system of magicians hailed from Gaia’s world was truly amazing.
The demon placed a hand on the sorcerer’s shoulder. He could feel his tension and tiredness after basically squeezing out his mana last night and hadn’t taken a break ever since then. Shu had been here for at least half a day since the Muxiel brought Hikarino back to their shared house as hospital was out of option.
“Shu,” Vox started slowly. “He will be okay. You said he has strong regeneration power, right?”
The man didn’t immediately answer. His eyes were vacant, staring straight at his counterpart’s sleeping face. Vox followed suit.
He looks so peaceful, the demon noted. He could see the sleeping sorcerer had the same gentle beauty as his beloved one. Considering his personality, these two really can pass as a twin, not a counterpart of each own.
A long sigh broke Vox’s musing. Shu leaned his head to the demon’s arm, eyes went downward.
“I don’t know, Vox, regeneration isn’t invincible,” Shu mumbled. “You’ve heard of Eki's diagnosis, right? We barely patched him up to keep him alive, but that doesn't mean he is fully healed. God knows when he will wake up…”
Vox didn’t say anything. There were so many comfort words he wanted to say, but he realized nothing would soothe Shu’s heart at this time. Nevertheless, as his partner, he needed to make sure Shu took care of himself.
“Then let the other members wait for him,” Vox tried to coax down the stubborn sorcerer. “Rias told me that he and others will take care of him. How about we go back home and have a nice rest?”
When Shu didn’t give any indication of listening to his words, Vox kept pressing down. He still had some bargain chips left in his pocket.
“Luca, Mysta, and Ike are worried about you, darling,” he inwardly cheered when Shu visibly perked at the mention of their genmates. He just needed a little bit more push. “And I know Hikarino won’t like it if you abandon your needs for him. You know that, right?”
There was a long silence, until Shu finally relented and nodded back. Vox sighed in relief. “Okay. Let’s go back, alright? I’ll teleport us to your room. That way you can rest faster.”
“What about Hikarino then?”
“I’ve told Box that if I don’t come out in 10 minutes, it means I’ve teleported back home with you.”
“...Okay then,” Shu closed his eyes as Vox messaged his shoulder. It felt comforting to know his counterpart was in the good hand. “Let’s go back.”
“Good boy,” praised the demon. He whispered an apology before lifting the sorcerer into bridal hold. He activated his power in the form of dark matter to engulf them and brought them back to their own shared house.
Vox noticed Shu was leaning his head to his shoulder with closed eyes. He could see a dark circle had formed around his eyes, showing his exhaustion and excessive anxiety piled in less than a day.
Poor him, Vox kissed the top of his head and whispered permission to take care of him. The weak hum coming from Shu’s mouth was all he needed. He must be really stressed.
Vox was forever glad that Shu’s room was the closest one with the bathroom. Even though he knew the others were worried sick with his beloved, he doubted Shu was comfortable to meet them in his current condition. Thankfully all of their friends were good people; they understood the situation and didn’t press further.
He was really, really lucky to be surrounded by amazing people. He wouldn’t trade them for lives.
The demon didn’t waste any minute to help Shu take a bath. The sorcerer was adamant that he could take a bath by himself, but the way his head dangerously swayed down numerous times didn’t convince him at all. It took a whole ten minutes in the bathroom, with one buck naked and one wearing damp clothes, to convince Shu to let him help. In the end Vox joined Shu taking a bath together.
It was relatively smooth after they finished cleaning up. Shu, who once again almost fell asleep on the bathtub, had to be coaxed to stay awake as Vox helped him finish his lunch. Shu hadn’t eaten anything for almost 24 hours; it might be unhealthy to eat before going to bed but it’s better than letting him sleep on an empty stomach.
Nevertheless, Vox enjoyed his time taking care of Shu. It was a rare opportunity he didn’t want to miss every chance to spoil him rotten.
“Vox.”
The said demon cracked open his eyes and glanced at the person lying down beside him, back to back. Vox didn’t need any sleep since he was a demon, but he enjoyed the feeling of resting—more when Shu shared the same space with him. He didn’t expect for him to be awake at this hour, though. Perhaps it was the remaining adrenaline that woke him up.
“Mm?”
There was silence. Then,
“Is this my fault?”
Vox immediately turned back, being faced with Shu’s back. His hand was extended to turn him to see his face, but he hesitated. Instead he placed his hand on his shoulder, trying to give comforting rubbing. “Dear, that’s nonsense—”
Shu immediately cut his words. “I’m the one who invited him to join our mission.”
Vox went silent, but his grip became firmer. Shu continued, now with more frantic tone,
“I’m also the one who was supposed to protect him. Both of us know that I’m more proficient in offense spells!” he was practically shaking on the bed. “I should’ve been the one who did the spell, not him! The one who fell into a coma should’ve been me! ”
“...But Hikarino wouldn’t like that,” Vox whispered back. It wasn’t words of reassurance nor ‘what-if’ to make Shu feel better; it was the truth itself. Hikarino would hate himself if Shu were the one who got hurt instead of him.
“I know,” there was a sense of fragility in his voice and it made Vox’s chest twisted in pain. He pulled the smaller man into a hug, hands circling his stomach and holding him close to his chest.
“I know that. But it still hurts. It really hurts, Vox,”
“I’ve,” Shu gripped the mattress tighter. Hot tears of frustration, anger, and disappointment toward himself trailed on his cheek and fell into the pillow. “I’ve promised myself to be strong enough to protect people I cherish for. I’ve promised myself to not let anything hurt Hikarino as long as we are in the same world, but—”
He failed.
He had been all laughing and smiling, not realizing that Hikarino was on the brink of his death. Him, who was supposed to be the one who protects. Him, who was supposed to be the one giving the reassuring smile.
What a joke he was.
Can I save someone without fearing death like him?
Can I save someone, a stranger even, just because I think they’re beautiful?
Rias called him on the next week.
“He lost his sight.”
Shu almost fainted on the spot if the killer detective didn’t continue, “—though, it’s only temporary. Box said that his regeneration is still working, albeit a little bit slower since he just recovered his internal organs.”
“Oh my god Rias you are an absolute bastard,” Shu took several shaky breaths as Mysta helped him sit back at the kitchen counter. He literally almost spilled his orange juice all over the table. He could hear the detective muffling snort. This bastard. “Oh, don’t you dare laugh at me you fucking dick.”
“Hmph, to think the ever-calm Yamino Shu would curse at me,” Shu held himself back to not turn off the call immediately. “How surprising. Today is really such a blessing day. Praise God, amen.”
“You—” Shu bit back all the insults on his tongue and took a deep breath. There was no need to fight right now. What’s important right now was Hikarino’s condition. “Okay, fine. Whatever. How is Hikarino doing?”
“...”
“...Rias, just say it.”
A sigh echoed over the phone. “He’s fine. A little bit sluggish, but mostly fine. The others won’t leave him alone.”
Shu sensed a hesitation. “But?”
“There is no but, it’s just,” another pause. “Maybe it’s better if you come and talk to Hikarino himself. I just don’t understand how his head works, but probably you can.”
“...I’ll see what I can do.”
To be honest, Shu didn’t want to come.
Not that he was scared or angry. He knew no one in Meixul blamed him for what had happened to their local sorcerer; if they were, they probably would have chopped his head off at the first meeting even before he could say hi. There was no negative feeling harbored on his heart towards his counterpart too, and he doubted he would ever be.
It’s just that, he was… ashamed of himself.
Ashamed for failing to protect him. Ashamed for making him suffer pain again.
Ashamed for his uselessness.
He didn’t want to open this door, yet he had promised others and Hikarino to visit him. And he did. That was why he was right here, standing awkwardly in front of Hikarino’s room, contemplating whether he should knock the door, immediately barged in, or called it a day then ran away like a coward.
No, running away is not an option. You’ve promised him to visit today!
Shu took one deep breath, trying to calm his heart and anxiety flapping around his stomach, then knocked on the door. His heart almost leaped out when he heard a familiar soft voice asking him to enter.
“Who is it?”
“Hikarino, this is me, Shu.”
“Shu!” Hikarino, eyes sealed tightly in bandages, clasped his hand in delight. Shu held himself from breaking into another cry. “I’m glad you’re okay! Wait—you’re okay right?”
Oh, Hikarino. “Don’t worry, nobody got hurt from that mission,” he took a seat beside Hikarino and held his hand to let him know he was here. The green-streaked hair sorcerer answered by tightening his hold. “How is your day?”
Hikarino smiled at the question. “It’s fine. Everyone is really attentive and kind, especially Rias. He even let me choose what food he should cook for lunch and dinner! Isn’t it nice of him?”
Shu could only laugh bitterly, remembering what Rias had done to him a couple days ago. Nice was not a word he could associate with at least half of the members of Meixul, but it seemed they really treated his counterpart in a very special manner. Good for Hikarino, then.
He is really bright for someone who lost his sight, Shu couldn’t help but notice. Is he in a good mood or is it just him trying to hide something?
Shu then remembered the main reason why he came in the first place. He came here not just to chit-chat, but to ask some questions. Although, if Hikarino didn’t want to answer it, he wouldn’t push it.
He just wanted to understand.
“Um, Hikarino,”
“Yes?”
For a moment, hesitation harbored his heart. Is it okay to ask him now? he wondered. But he needed the answer. Rias needed the answer; he had promised that man to relay what he understood, though he felt a little bit begrudging. Nevertheless, he had already come here. It’s do or never.
“Can I ask a question?”
Hikarino hummed. “What is it?”
“...Why did you choose to do it?”
Hikarino’s expression fell down. Shu continued, with a gentler tone, “I just want to understand, Hika,” he reassured. “Why were you so…ready to sacrifice yourself?”
“...Ah,” was his first response after a beat of silence. “Are you perhaps…angry at me?”
And that is his focus?! Shu couldn’t stop the short laugh that escaped from his mouth. “I am furious , Hika,” he answered. Probably ‘furious’ was the wrong word to describe what he felt right now, but honestly at this point Shu could just throw hands at Hikarino to show how frustrated he was with him.
“Because in my opinion that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done . I—I literally almost lost you! Forever!” It was amazing his voice hasn't cracked yet, with the amount of emotion raging inside his body. “I know there must be better ways for us to defeat that witch without you hurting yourself. Or is there not?”
“...To be honest, I don’t know,” Hikarino shook his head. His grip around Shu’s hand went tight and loose; indicating how conflicted he was. “And I’m sorry for making you worry. I—I really don’t know… All this time, I always fight witches by myself, but…”
Shu put another hand on top of Hikarino’s hand. “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to answer that first, it can wait later,” he said. “First, please make me understand first why the fuck you were so ready to face death. Just—” he made weird noises, trying to find the perfect word yet nothing passed on his mind. “—anything. Even if your answer is dumb or embarrassing, say it.”
The sorcerer watched as Hikarino gripped the bed sheet, contemplating hard. Both of them knew they could talk or demand anything from each other; that was why Shu didn’t hesitate to show his true feelings toward his counterpart.
He hoped Hikarino would do the same, though.
“...Promise you won’t laugh?” the currently blinded man whispered, so fragile and scared. It reminded him of young Hikarino when they first met—hurt, fragile, and confused—but this time he was now on his reach. Shu instinctively clasped his hands, and felt so grounded knowing Hikarino is here, beside me.
“I won’t, as long as you tell me the truth.”
“Nobody’s here?”
“Yes. Only two of us here.”
Hikarino fell into a long silence. Since he couldn’t see his eyes, Shu could only wonder what he was thinking. All he could offer was reassuring grip whenever his hand twitched.
He hoped this time Hikarino would be honest with him. No more smiling over pain, no more laughing over his own misery. He didn’t care if the reason behind his action was very stupid; as long as it was his real feeling, then it was enough.
“I,” Shu perked up as Hikarino finally opened his mouth.
“I…wanted to understand how it feels to save someone.”
A beat,
“That’s it?”
Hikarino bursted into laughter. “It sounds stupid, isn’t it?” he chuckled, yet the tone of his voice sounded sad. “But it’s the truth. For the longest time I can remember, I’ve been watching you helping other Luxiem members, taking commissions, and whatnot. It honestly made me wonder, ‘how does it feel to be useful for others?’”
“...Hika,”
“I know, I know,” he gripped Shu’s hand. “You and I are different. My magic isn’t suitable to help others, but at that moment, at that night… Somehow, I feel like I had to do it. It was my first, and probably my last chance to be useful as a human being.”
As if it was the entire reason why I’m still alive even until now was for that night only, was left unsaid yet Shu could hear it clearly as day. He stared in total disbelief to his counterpart, for a moment left speechless.
Why are you thinking yourself that low? Almost escaped his mouth. He bit his lips, gulped down the uneasiness to the deepest part of his stomach, and asked another question.
“Aren’t you scared?”
It was the question he couldn’t stop thinking about. How could he not be scared in the face of death?
Was it because of desperation?
Was it because of desire overpowered fear?
Or was it because… something else?
Hikarino tilted his head to the direction where Shu was, eyebrows raised up slightly. “Of course I am scared,” he said, sounding offended. “And you know what? I was actually contemplating running away!” he threw his hand and chuckled wet. “Like, god, that was so nerve wracking. I know if I do it, I probably would die. And, well, I almost died, didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” Shu whispered down. “Yeah, you did. And I loathe it so much, so don’t do it anymore.”
“...Sorry.”
No one spoke a word. Shu himself was still in complete disbelief; there were so, so many words he wanted to say yet he couldn’t. He felt like he was unworthy. It was a big whiplash, especially him knowing Hikarino’s past and the way he used to live like a walking empty doll.
Desire was something new he never experienced until now.
Being cherished for was a luxury.
And to be needed for, was something he couldn’t even dream of.
Shu couldn’t understand his feelings, and he wouldn’t ever be. He couldn’t understand the desperation Hikarino must’ve felt whenever he felt he was not enough to the point he would push himself beyond life and death. He couldn’t understand the desire of wanting to save someone; the desire of being needed for.
He couldn’t understand it all and it made him frustrated and sad.
“Shu, I…”
The man broke from his stupor hearing his name was being called and lifted his head. Shu immediately widened his eyes, breath inhaled sharply.
Hikarino was crying.
“I’m really scared.”
A sentence he never thought he would ever hear from him. Tears running down unstoppable, dampened the bandages around his eyes and fell to the bed sheet as he sobbed.
“I was scared, but I—” Hikarino tried to wipe down his tears but to no avail. “I just can’t not do it! Not when I have my own regeneration and this accursed witch blood! I felt like I had to do something, or else you and others would get hurt, and if any of you get hurt, I…”
Shu cut him down by bringing him into a deep embrace. He could hear the surprised squeak and two hands flapping weakly trying to push him away, but he resisted. He didn’t care if his clothes would get dirty with tears, snot, or whatsoever human produced via their face.
He had heard enough. That’s all he cared about now.
“Shu, your clothes, it’s gonna be dirty—”
“I don’t care.”
Shu was not an expert in sweet words. He might have a demon who was famous for his voice and master of sweet talking as his partner, but he never learned how to give comfort to someone properly.
But at that time, at that moment, Shu knew what he wanted to say to his counterpart. His very first friend. His most cherished one, like a brother from a different mother. The words he was very sure Hikarino wanted to hear the most, whether he realized it or not.
“You don’t have to face everything alone.”
His ears caught a soft gasp. Hikarino’s hand had stopped flailing, now resting on each side of Shu’s clothes, gripping it hard. Shu closed his eyes, feeling the tears he had long fought finally escaped in the corner of his eyes.
“Rias is here. Box is here. Eki is here. Kanekuro is here. Heck, even the rest of Luxiem is here,” Hkarino’s shoulder started to shake and Shu could feel a growing dampness on his clothes. He ignored it all, and continued his words. Saying the most important words he knew he would regret it forever if he hadn’t said it.
“I am here, Hika. I am always here.”
(No more watching helplessly.
No more hand stretched out, hoping to reach someone, yet only the cold surface met his fingers.
No more fighting alone.
They were now living in the same world. Away from nightmares, away from old despair.
Together.)
Contrary to popular belief, Hikarino wasn't an all powerful sorcerer.
There was the blood of a witch running within his vines, but only half of it. His father was a normal human; a sinner, true, but nonetheless a normal, powerless, human. Yet nonmagic human still feared him, pushed him away, desired for his death.
It can’t be helped, Hikarino thought. It was human instinct to fear the unknown. Fear turned into hate, and hate turned into desire for absolute annihilation.
But, it was an old story. A past that felt like fantasy, not even worth to ponder to kill the time.
As he now lived in a world. Curious one, sometimes brought him problems, sometimes brought him merit, but still a lovable, warm world where he could call it ‘home’.
Lives still went on as usual. Hikarino would do anything so he could stay alive, but this time he didn’t need to comply with any circumstances just so he could see tomorrow’s sunrise.
As long as you enjoy your life, that’s all matters, was what people around him told him. Be free.
And he did.
(Hikarino no longer had to search for what stayed alive up until now, as he already knew the answer.
He lived for others’ sake. For Shu’s sake. For the sake of himself.
He would stay alive, and he would continue to do so.)