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it was the year they all slowly but certainly turned 16 that changed the most for will.
the winter was dark and heavy, in spring it felt like he could breathe again for a moment, the summer was hot, hazy and made him feel oddly numb, autumn brought a bit of comfort and then it was winter again.
it was the first time ever the party was together without any signs of the upside down or the mind flayer being back. the first time they could be careless teenagers and supposedly live a normal life. it should have been great but suddenly, somehow out of the blue everything started to change and will could hardly deal with it.
it was like a switch got pushed and then suddenly nothing was the same anymore. suddenly they weren't so little anymore. it was when everything that once was so important to them started to fade away that will realized that he wasn't ready to grow up yet. he was only 16 anyway. it was hard for him to grasp that their life didn't depend on D&D or their bikes anymore. in fact their bikes had been out of order ever since mike had started driving and made it his goal to be the one friend who always picks everyone up and drops them off later again.
will should have been fine. growing up was part of life, letting things go and getting to know new stuff, but sometimes he just couldn't help but miss the old times. it's been forever since their last AV club meeting. dustin was the only one besides will who was still coming somewhat regularly. mike hadn't shown up in weeks and lucas wasn't coming very often anymore either. their last campaign of D&D was months back and will's x-man comics were starting to collect dust on his shelf.
sometimes he wondered if the others felt the same way at times. he wished for it, it would be much easier to stand the hurt if someone was feeling equally as confused and frightened by growing up as he did. but it didn't seem so. dustin was spending lots of time with steve, lucas and max were constantly hanging out and mike was going to the arcade with el often these days. will couldn't help but feel so lost in between them. there wasn't really anyone who'd still hang out with him; maybe it was because he still suggested ghostbusters movies and D&D campaigns to spend the time. none of them seemed to think the way he did, they seemed to be happy with growing up the way they did.
will was just so lost in his own head most of the time. thinking about how much he missed his friends and the times when it was just them against the world. the times they all sat in mike's basement, they had played a few campaigns with max and el. sometimes dustin even managed to convince steve to be part of the game. now it felt like they were parting ways. maybe not consciously but he was sure that he couldn't be the only one noticing that they were rarely hanging out together anymore.
he had tried to talk about it to mike a few times, but he didn't seem to listen. or maybe he just didn't know what to do with will and his very fragile feelings. will liked to tell himself that mike cared, because mike always had, but these days it didn't really seem like he did anymore.
mike.
mike had always been his best friend. ever since the first day of kinder-garden where mike was alone and will was alone too. mike had asked him to be friends and ever since then they had spent almost every day together. it was great until will developed those raw feelings for his best friend that definitely wanted mike to be more than a friend to him. it turned ugly really quickly from then on. liking someone should have been a great thing but for will it destroyed a part of him that he would have liked to keep. his spark. everyone has a spark; it might have been just a metaphor. but in the end everyone had a personal source of positive energy. and will's started to fade away when his heart started to beat a bit harder for his best friend.
it hurt him more than it made him happy. self doubt, sleepless nights, and all the times he lied on his bed, staring at the ceiling and wishing for those feelings to just disappear. it had never worked. whenever he saw mike anywhere his heart jumped in excitement and his hands became clammy. it was a curse truly. will had come to terms with taking this secret to his grave fairly quickly. mike was in a weird not dating-but not really friends either stage with el and most definitely didn't like boys the way will did. in fact will didn't know a single guy that liked boys the way he did.
at first it drove him crazy. but then he figured out that there probably wasn't any way to fix this. so he became really great at pretending and hiding the way he felt. even though he sometimes wished for mike to be able to read him good enough to just figure it out. mike was always the best at finding out how will felt. usually he knew everything about will, every little thought running through his head. everything that made him happy and everything that made him sad. it should have been creepy, scary even but for will it meant trust and that mike cared. mike knew everything most of the time, but this was the one thing mike didn't know and sometimes that alone was enough to make him feel like he was doing something wrong.
mike could never know but will wished he could. and since mike usually knew him better than he himself did it felt awkward to know that mike didn't know about this. and apparently he didn't know will well enough to figure it out on his own.
will missed mike. he missed him so goddamn much. he missed the sleepovers, he missed playing D&D with mike, he missed the way mike stayed with him the entire time when he got nightmares and when the mind flayer had temporarily gotten him. he missed how mike always immediately knew when something was wrong and he missed how mike never treated him like he wasn't capable of living a normal life when he came back from the upside down.
he missed everything about him.
they still hung out sometimes. but it got less and less. mike usually was to be found somewhere around el. when he and will met up they were quiet and uncomfortable. sometimes it felt like there was an imaginary distance, a kind of tension between them that kept them away from being how they used to be. just like they were strangers again. it hurt. a lot. but will managed to get used to the hurt. he always did. sometimes they still laughed together, they had fun but they didn't share as much anymore. mike wasn't talking about el anymore, at first much to will's relief but when he noticed that there was just as much on mike's mind, the fact that the other wasn't really talking to him anymore stung. of course it put will at ease to not have mike rant about el, but he didn't share things on his mind with will anymore which resulted in an odd void somewhere in will's chest.
maybe they were growing apart. maybe it was time for their friendship to find an end. will thought he had done everything he could to keep them form turning this way, but if mike didn't feel like keeping the friendship with him alive, there was nothing he could anymore.
he was able to stop thinking about it for a moment when lucas suggested for the party to have a sleepover, all of them together. for some reason everyone agreed in the blink of an eye. it seemed odd, these days no one was putting effort into keeping the party together but now they all seemed so invested for a moment. later on will thought that maybe, just maybe, they didn't need to hang out all the time to keep the friendship going.
mike's basement was the only place that offered enough space for 6 teens to spend the night at, so the decision to have said sleepover at the wheeler's house was made in no time. they'd stay over the night from friday to saturday, spending the evening with talking, snacks and a few movies.
it was a somewhat great distraction. even with mike there. will could talk to dustin or lucas about their recent afternoon activities, max would jokingly make fun of them for whatever reason, el would try to think of a new word for the day and mike... yeah, mike. later on will couldn't recall what mike had done the entire time, he could only briefly remember exchanging a few words with him in the middle of a discussion.
will hadn't felt so happy and careless in a long time. the party was back together, at least for some time and he got to spend time with his friends. he had really missed this. he thought, that maybe this was his reason to always keep going; dustin was trying to move away from lucas throwing popcorn at him and the laughing that was to be heard in the basement made his heart bloom a bit. he felt alive, he could breathe.
finally.
but it didn't last as long as he would have liked it to. because at some point all of them fell asleep. all of them except for will. the silence kept his thoughts rushing and running. he was wide awake, staring at mike next to him. will had managed to snatch a place next to the other, which seemed like a good idea at first. now he was unsure if he was supposed to lie right there. on mikes other side was dustin, slightly snoring which would have made will grin if he wasn't so caught up in a train of thoughts. hopper had requested for el and mike to keep space between them, he didn't want them to sleep next to each other.
it felt like a punch to the gut for a moment. el and mike weren't officially dating, but they looked like a couple to others enough for hopper to not want them sleeping next to each other. neither of them had complained. el was happy with her place next to max and mike seemed fine with his place between will and dustin.
he had his back turned towards will, his curly hair that had gotten quite long over the past few months messily spread out on his pillow. a part of will wished that mike would turn around so he could watch him while he slept. damned be this sleepless night. it felt awkward. mike wasn't even half a meter far away from him, so close, but emotionally so far away. it was a contrary that made will feel lost.
he was lying there, really unsure of what he was supposed to do with himself. if only time would pass by faster. he thought it would be greater so stay awake past midnight if mike was awake too. they could talk. and maybe the silent comfort of the night would make them brave enough to once again pour their thoughts and feelings out to each other. maybe they'd get closer again. maybe will wouldn't feel as hurt anymore afterwards.
he wasn't to know. the room stayed silent, the only thing to be heard dustin's snores and el softly mumbling something in her sleep.
maybe will would have fallen asleep just a little later. maybe his racing mind would have slowed down and he would have found some rest.
mike next to him was stirring, moving and eventually turning around. he was facing will. will wasn't fast enough to realize that mike had woken up. he didn't look away and mike had immediately figured out that the other was awake. "will?", he softly whispered, sitting up to adjust his sleeping bag. for some reason will sat up to. maybe it was because suddenly it got too warm inside his own sleeping bag. "mhm", he mumbled, quietly, careful to not wake anyone around them up. mike hadn't lied back down. he was looking at will and will was trying his very best to analyze the look on his face in the dark of the room.
there was just enough light from a little night lamp in the room to be able to see each other. "can't sleep?", the other whispered. will knew that mike already knew the answer. he just nodded. 'go back to sleep' is what he wanted to say and probably should have said, but suddenly he wasn't sure if he'd be able to say or whisper anything without his voice breaking. mike's eyes were lingering on his face, will could feel it. he could see it too. mike didn't take his eyes off him.
maybe will was seeing things but mike seemed so different now. there were four other people in the room and yet it felt like it was just them. his eyes looked black in the dark; iris and pupil stirring together and into one simple dark color. still, his eyes shone. his gaze was sharply fixated on will and strangely he still wasn't looking away. his hair was messy, his t-shirt sat weirdly around his body because of moving around while he was asleep too much. will couldn't help but think that he was pretty.
pathetic, was the next thought that crossed his mind. he wasn't supposed to find mike pretty by any means. but thoughts can barely be stopped once they are there. will wanted to ask what was up with mike, but he could hardly think of any words, too busy with staring back. he'd figure it out later. for once he was getting attention from mike, a thing that he craved a lot the past few months. of course he didn't expect said attention to come in the form of mike staring at him so intensely it felt like he might die, but if this was it then it was fine.
at least he got a bit of mike.
mike was leaning forward, supporting himself on his hand, as he inched closer towards will. confusion washed over will as to what was going on now, but mike didn't move away. neither did will. he really wanted to because something made him feel like whatever was going to happen wouldn't turn out good. but he couldn't bring his body to move a single muscle. he was proud of himself for even being able to hold the strong eye contact, even though it made him get shivers.
when mike got even closer will felt his hands slightly starting to shake. "mike-- what are you do-?", he stopped softly talking when the other placed a finger against his lips. "shh.. i don't wanna talk right now", mike whispered. why? is what will thought. why don't you want to talk right now? they had more to say than ever before. at least will had. but apparently mike didn't want words right now. why? mike used to always talk to him. he always wanted words because words sort things out.
mike was close enough for will to be able to see his caramel freckles, even in the dark. he was amazed that his eyes allowed him to notice such tiny detail about mike but maybe it was just because he knew mike's face so well and immediately went to search for his freckles. they really shouldn't have been this close but will couldn't force himself to move away. he could feel his heavy heartbeat in his throat and briefly thought that it wasn't fair that mike seemed so calm while he himself felt like he was going to completely freak out any moment.
mike's eyes flickered up and down a few times and will was wondering if the other was looking at his lips. he didn't dare get his hopes up in any way. mike was close enough to him for will to be able to feel the other's breath on his own face. if he'd just move a tiny bit more their noses would touch. he had to admit that the situation wasn't quite like friends were supposed to be. his heart felt heavy and light at the same time, his thoughts were racing and for a moment will was very afraid he'd end up doing anything stupid if mike kept looking at him like this.
like he wanted to be kissed.
will didn't care if he was making up things or if mike's expression actually showed him wanting to be kissed. it didn't matter. because it was making him feel things and the want to give in was bigger than it should have been. he wished he could turn away. turn around, lay back down and act like nothing happened. he couldn't. he couldn't because he appreciated the fact that mike was looking at him; it made his heart feel warm, even though every passing second made everything hurt a bit more.
mike kissed him first.
later on will couldn't exactly recall anymore how it happened but suddenly mike's lips were on his and his were on mike's. and it was not a dream. it was 100%ly real. mike didn't pull away and neither did will.
everything had gone quiet the moment mike's lips touched his own. will hurtfully had nothing left. because the last bit of sanity that held the pieces of his little heart together had fallen apart just now. everything that mattered anything on any measure was gone. meaningless. where was the meaning to life, now that everything had changed? he knew he could never life the same way again because now he got a taste of mike that he wasn't supposed to get. what could ever turn life back into being worth living now that he didn't know what to do with himself anymore?
mike had kissed him and it hurt.
will kissed back anyway.
he kissed back because he couldn't take any chances now. there was nothing left for him anyway, so why not make the most of it now? he kissed back, moving his lips very clumsily and some part of him hoped that mike was at least conscious of the fact that he had taken will's first kiss. it didn't really matter. he could feel the desperation, the confusion, the hurt, the feeling of going totally insane. it startled him a bit. he did not expect mike to be just as much of a mess as he himself was.
it gave will little enough strength to not push mike away. mike's hands flung up to grab at the collar of his shirt, trying to pull him impossibly closer, as if it would allow him to kiss will any harder. it should have been really gross; there was too much spit everywhere and they were too inexperienced to make anything good out of it, but it was heartfelt and neither of them had the energy to care about such little thing. they almost fell over in their awkward sitting position next to each other but it didn't matter. in fact nothing mattered. not even the fact that there were four other people in the room and waking up any of them would cause them a good amount of trouble.
there still wasn't anything that mattered when mike pulled away. he was breathing heavily, not avoiding eye contact, as he was trying to catch his breath as quiet as possible. he stayed close and will couldn't help but notice that he could still feel mike's breath on his lips. again, will wanted to say something, but words would make everything so much worse. just when he felt like he could breathe air normal again mike kissed him another time. this time a bit less hastily, he tried to keep it down, but will could still feel whatever mike was feeling and it bitterly only added onto his own hurt.
when mike pulled away again will thought that he had never felt more awful in his entire life before. not when he was stuck in the upside down. not when the mind flayer had gotten him. not even when he had fought with mike. nothing would ever compare to the stinging void inside his chest that he felt right now. no words. no talking. nothing happened. he had expected mike to apologize, say he's sorry, that he didn't mean to or just anything. anything would have been better than the silence but they hadn't really talked in ages. so why talk now? will might have had lots of stuff to say generally but there was nothing that he had to say about this.
mike had dropped his head onto will's shoulder, hiding his face while loosely putting his arms around the other's body. they stayed like this. will didn't move an inch and mike kept holding onto him. there was a kind of insecurity and desperation evident in mike's simply touch tht made will's heart stop in its' tracks. it felt familiar. familiar because he had experienced it on his own before.
whatever was happening was not going to make will feel better but strangely he didn't let go. because now he knew. yeah, now he knew. he knew that mike was just as hurt.
the silence was so loud. suddenly will's head was empty even though just a moment ago his thoughts wouldn't stop racing. now he held mike and he couldn't stop himself but bring his hand up to run his fingers through the dark curls in the back of mike's head. when mike slightly started to shake and hold onto him harder, will felt his heart clench.
he felt empathy.
soon after followed slight chocking on sobs and little cries. mike tried to keep it down in favor of his friends sleeping in the room but he was hurting. he really was. and will knew. so he ran his index finger up and down the other's spine in comforting lines. he didn't blame mike. when the thought of kissing mike had first crossed his mind will had a full blown panic attack that lasted at least 20 minutes before jonathan had found him curled together besides his bed, crying his heart out. that was a long time ago and to this day they had never spoken about the reason for will's panic attack that night.
so he understood. but it was deadly. will didn't know where he got the strength to comfort mike this way when all he wanted to do was cry and scream until he couldn't feel anything anymore. there was a deep wound in his own heart and it ripped open a bit more with every stroke up and down mike's back. it was begging and asking him to finally stop caring about stupid mike and find someone to get the comfort from that he needed so badly. but he knew exactly how mike felt. and he knew how impossibly hard it was to deal with this alone. he didn't want to put mike through the same thing he experienced on his own for the longest time.
maybe soothing mike's soul would give himself a small bit of comfort too.
he could feel a damp spot form on his shirt and he found himself to be fighting his own tears. or at least it felt like that. he knew that he wouldn't cry, couldn't cry. there were no tears left to cry, instead the void was continuing to swallow him whole and he couldn't do anything but let it happen. he hadn't cried in what felt like forever.
he felt sorry for mike. even when they used to talk about their feelings and thoughts mike always tried to be big and strong and all grown up. even when it was tearing his heart apart. he wasn't so good with words and sometimes he had trouble accepting comfort he greatly needed from someone. now he seemed to be letting go of everything that tried to force him to be more grown up than he actually was. will knew that if they both weren't this sad right now, this would have been a core memory, something that would have gotten them closer again. but will also knew very well that later on they would only hardly be able toremember the comfort and intimacy because all that stayed from this moment was the hurt.
not that will felt very comforted anyways, but he thought that comforting mike would give him a reason to keep going. even if it was just for the night. he had a task to accomplish and he'd take it serious enough to save himself from going under in his racing thoughts again. so he put all his energy into his newfound task and hoped it was worth it.
will wanted to hear mike say it. say that he, in fact, felt comforted, safer and a bit more like himself again, now that will was taking care of him and his sorrow. but the room stayed quiet. will didn't say anything either. talking, this raw kind of communication would push mike over the edge, he knew his best friend well enough to be sure of that. he did not want to be responsible for mike feeling any worse.
at some point mike's quiet sobbing and crying had turned down, until nothing was left except for him taking long deep breaths. will was grateful for that; experiencing mike this pained and vulnerable was tugging on his heartstrings painfully. "mike?", he carefully whispered. it was the first thing he said in nearly half an hour. he didn't get an answer. at first he feared that mike would ignore any kind of attempt to make conversation, but when nothing happened and mike didn't move nor his slow breathing changed, will figured he must have fallen asleep.
once again will was alone.
mike had managed to fall asleep in the comfort of will's hug after basically destroying the last tiny piece of sanity and hope will had left for his life and it honestly wasn't fair that mike was getting comforted while the situation for will just worsened and not a single person seemed to care about his hurt. but he couldn't be mad at mike. he wasn't mad at mike often anyways and when he was he forgave him too quickly. mostly by the time mike came to say sorry, will had already forgiven him. that was his weakness. mike could hurt him as bad as he wanted to but will would still always need him.
mike never hurt him on purpose. but often he hurt will unconsciously and will wasn't quite sure if that was any better. probably not.
but now mike was asleep and free from his pain for as long as he'd stay asleep.
will felt tired. but not tired due to lack of sleep. he felt tired of life. especially in moments like these where it didn't feel like there was anything good for his life left.
will gently tried to push mike off himself to put him back down on his own sleeping mat, but mike didn't let go of him. he held onto will tighter and slightly rubbed his face against the other's shoulder. he didn't let go because he very much needed the intimacy. another thing that hurt; mike needed him and it was showing right now. but god forbid he even properly talked to will these past few weeks and months or show will that he still was reason for mike to hold onto life.
he never bothered to show any kind of affection since... will couldn't really remember when it stopped but what he could remember very clearly was that mike was the only person that had stayed with him during his possession by the mind flayer. back then he was the most affectionate with will. back then will could feel that mike was scared to loose him again. back then mike really cared. but then el came back and she was de facto the "most important person" in mike's life and it felt like will just got forgotten by his best friend.
he never blamed el. he was glad she saved him. he was glad she came back and she's always been kind to him. he knew she'd be able to become a great friend to him if they'd put effort into getting closer. this time it was mike's fault. will hated to admit it, but it were these moments that made him see that mike wasn't good for him. at least at times. it really hurt. will was positive that mike was the only person besides his mom, jonathan and his friends that he'd love forever. having to deal with the hard reality of mike not always being healthy for him felt suffocating, drowning. and it wasn't fair either.
will didn't ask for much. if he was honest with himself he only wanted mike. if not as a lover, then at least as a best friend who actually cared and treated him right. but for some sick reason the universe decided that will was not worthy of that, even after all he went through and the fact that he couldn't remember anything he had done significantly wrong in his life other than falling in love with mike in the first place. he wasn't worthy of it. just like how he wasn't worthy of receiving affection from mike.
maybe that's why he stopped at some point.
but now mike was showing him affection again and will found it hard to force himself to push him away with that. so he didn't. he carefully put mike down, his head finding its' way into will's lap. they stayed like that. will staring at sleeping mike in his lap. he had seen the other's features countless times already, nevertheless will was positive he could look at him forever. mike would never lose that little something that made everything about him so insanely pretty. will ran his fingers through mike's dark locks, stopping to gently cup his face. there were dried tear stains on his cheeks, the only evidence left of his sadness. other than that he looked peaceful.
will flinched when mike slightly moved. for a second he wondered if mike had woken up. he was leaning slightly into the touch of will's hand against his cheek and will was sure he heard him release a shaky breath he hadn't noticed mike was holding. maybe it was all in his head. he couldn't tell. his free hand reached to take one of mike's hands into his own, hesitantly lacing their fingers together. their hands fit together so well. it really wasn't fair. if they fit together so well, why weren't they meant to be? will was always better when he was with mike. so why was he not supposed to be with him? he had thought about that a lot. it felt strange to think that maybe right now was the last time in forever he'd get to show mike he honestly, truly cared.
who knows what would happen the next day. maybe mike would totally push him away. maybe they'd be over starting from tomorrow on.
he didn't like to think about it.
will's thumb gently brushed over the tear stains on mike's cheeks in an attempt to make them fade away. will had always silently hurt, but he had told himself that it was in favor of mike being happy. because he really seemed happy when he was spending time with el. but now mike was hurting too. and it was confusing will. he only knew that he didn't like to see it. even after all mike had somewhat put him through, will still thought he only deserved the best. because if the reason for mike pushing him away was the same confusion and desperation he had felt when he first went through realizing that he liked mike way more than a friend, it was okay. those were feelings too big for anyone to stand. he had already forgiven mike. like he did so often.
no matter how much he wished he could hate mike, he understood him. and the empathy was too big to not forgive him.
will had held mike's hand for a while. it felt good, even though it was certainly the first and last time he'd get to hold mike's hand. he forced himself to not care. right now he could pretend that mike was his, even just for the night.
when will felt his legs starting to go numb because of mike's head in his lap he lied back down, taking the other with him. mike's head found place on his shoulder, while he loosely threw his arm around will's torso. he made a little satisfied noise and snuggled closer into will, while will just kept on stroking his hair. he had his arm around mike, keeping him as save as his little strength allowed him to. it was comfortable; mike was warm and will didn't feel as alone anymore. still, the hurt stayed. he thought that he might be able to forget about it because for once he had mike right where he wanted to have him.
with him, in his embrace.
they had never been this close ever before. not even when they were little children, too young to understand anything about intimacy. they had been quite close back then, but they had never gotten to this point. there were a few times they slept besides each other in the same bed but that was it. will had always thought that if they'd ever end up this close, it would be mike holding him and not the other way around. mike always wanted to be strong and protect the ones he cared about. but for now it fitted better this way.
for now he sought the comfort, the being protected.
will closed his eyes for a moment, relaxing in the feeling of having mike so close to himself. it felt so good. it worked like a white, clean bandaid that was being put on the wound in his heart. soaking up all the blood leaking from his spent heart while finally serving little enough strength to dream of being healed one day. with a healed heart will would be able to enjoy sunshine, pancakes and D&D again. all these things that started to become really sad a few weeks ago. it worked like a hand that took the weight off his shoulders that he hadn't been able to carry for a long time anymore. without the weight there was hope for his life to find meaning and orientation again. it worked like a warm, cozy blanket that put his racing thoughts to a halt, telling him hey, it's going to be okay. with his head finally free again he'd be able to focus on a greater future ahead of him. and finally, it worked like a hug that soothed his soul, that helped him find himself again. a hug that brought back his spark, that made his soul bloom and love again.
for a moment will could breath again. he felt okay. and he meant that. for a moment everything was okay, thanks to mike sleeping in his embrace. yeah, will really was better when he was with mike. for a moment he had hope. hope, that one day they'd talk again. pour their hearts out to each other. comfort each other while life was tearing them apart. they'd laugh honestly with each other again. maybe they'd build up the courage to talk about this. talk about the mess of feelings they might been sharing for longer than expected. talk about how their lips felt against each others. maybe will would cry while telling mike all the things he had been wanting to say for a long while. it would be okay, because no matter how things would turn out, mike would hug him and make him feel better. maybe both of them would find happiness again.
but will knew better.
he knew better than to trust the hope and these feelings of comfort that rushed over him. as soon as the morning would come by it would be over. mike would wake up before him, move away and bring an amount of space between them that was only appropriate for how little they had been with each other these past few months. the entire day mike wouldn't speak a word to him, god, he wouldn't even spare him a glance. if for some reason their gazes would meet, mike would look away, his face would be cold. nothing of the once so noticeable sorrow und vulnerability would be left. he'd stay away from will, making both of them forget how much warmth they brought to each other when they had been together the night before.
when that would happen the wound in will's heart would rip open again, the weight on his shoulders would be back, his thoughts would start racing again and his little soul would crush again. but this time the wound would bleed more, the weight would be heavier, the thoughts would race faster and his soul would shatter into even more, tiny pieces. maybe that would be his end. because how great could healing be if the pain followed so soon after would leave him so much more devastated?
that night was the first time in months will had physically cried again. he had held mike like his life depended on him, while his tears ran down his face until they disappeared into his pillow. it seemed to be going on forever and will hoped that somehow mike would be able to notice his hurt.
when exhaustion took over and will finally fell asleep he didn't know if he wanted to ever wake up again. the only thing he knew for sure was, that if he woke up, it would rain the entire day. and the rain would only help his feelings for mike grow even more.
after all, he really loved mike.