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Jeongguk loves the rain. It reminds him of so many things. Feelings mostly. He can rarely pinpoint what they mean, though. It's been like this his whole life. Like a piece of the puzzle is somehow missing.
Maybe it's one of these days, he thinks, that depression hits a little harder. Yes... That must be it.
His feet crash on the cobbled street as he walks home from the bar he's working at. He likes this life. It's simple and the tips are good.
But when he reaches the bus station, his eyes travel momentarily to the jazz club opposite to him.
It's an old place, Jeongguk knows. The sign says it's been here since the 1920s or something. The faint sound of Sinatra's song echoes from inside.
[Play as you read: Fly Me to the Moon - The Macarons Project ]
Somehow Jeongguk feels his heart trembling at the sound of the singer's voice. He’s never been a big fan of jazz. More like a rock kind of guy but sometimes the urge to listen to old pieces of music is strong. Again, Jeongguk doesn’t know why.
And then he sees him. A man in black pants and a simple white shirt, dancing by himself, surrounded by old couples. His hair is pushed back and he is smiling a little as he lets the music sway his body.
Jeongguk also notices that his sleeves are rolled up, revealing his charismatic limbs that move elegantly with the tempo.
There's something about him that makes Jeongguk want to cross the street and go inside. He isn't sure what this is, though.
A pull? Perhaps. For Jeongguk now feels like a magnet, drawn to the stranger without an explanation.
The music carries on and the man continues to dance. Rain falls and Jeongguk now runs, crossing the street and standing outside the glassy door. This feeling of emptiness has somehow disappeared.
Just a closer look, he thinks as he pushes the door. A look never hurt anyone, right?
So when Jeongguk pushes the heavy door, his mind floods with the sound of jazz. It feels familiar. Like a cup of hot chocolate after a long summer. You know how it tastes but it's been long since you had it.
Then his eyes spot the man still dancing alone. His hands are almost inviting him to go there, screaming come here and dance with me.
But Jeongguk doesn't. He simply walks to the bar and sits on the stool feeling flustered.
"Would you like something to drink?" The blonde man behind the bar asks.
"Just a soda..." Jeongguk murmurs, eyes traveling between him and the lone dancer.
"Sure. I see you've also noticed him ," the man adds.
"I—" Jeongguk starts, feeling embarrassed for his indiscreetness.
The man, though, smiles. "It's okay. He doesn't mind. He knows it's a bizarre sight to be dancing alone amidst old love."
"Old love?"
"Yes. Haven't you seen the people in here? No one is under seventy. This place is for those who want to remember the good old days when music made people feel something."
"Is that so? Why is he here then? He doesn't look old."
"That's a mystery, my friend. Why don't you join him to find out? He's been without a dancing partner for as long as I can remember," the blonde man suggests as he reaches for Jeongguk's soda.
"No... I don't know how to dance. And he may be offended if I just go there."
"Are you always so afraid to seize the day?" The blonde barman asks curiously.
"Afraid?" Jeongguk speaks more to himself rather than the man with the gummy smile and dark eyes.
"Here's your soda," the man finally pushes the glass to him. "Haven't you done anything crazy in your life?"
"Thanks and no."
"Why? Isn't life boring without a little bit of disorder?"
"I don't know. Maybe..." The doe-eyed boy murmurs, grabbing the glass and taking a big sip. The music carries on, every note surging through Jeongguk's body like electricity, making his cells react.
"This is the last song he dances to before he leaves by the way. If you want to do something, I suggest doing it now or else you'll miss your chance."
"Miss my chance to dance with a stranger?" Jeongguk wonders, feeling his legs tapping on the wooden floor unconsciously.
"Miss your chance to have a taste of chaos."
"This sounds odd..."
The man then nods at him to move closer and Jeongguk does, feeling his heart beating faster.
"His name is Taehyung. Now he's not a complete stranger, is he? A name can change everything. It can even start wars or burn cities. Why did Troy fall, you think?"
"For Helen?"
"Yes. For Helen," the man adds, moving back with another gummy smile that makes the young one wonder. "And for love."
Jeongguk doesn't answer, letting his eyes move to the man. The song will end soon. The couples will probably scatter and he will be left alone.
Fuck it… He suddenly chants in his thoughts, leaving the barman behind to walk to the lone dancer. He can try this chaos just once. See if it makes him feel something.
So as he walks toward him, his heart beats louder, reacting to his charming presence at once. And when he is close enough, the man stops immediately, dropping the smile he had on his lips just for a sec.
"Hi," the young one starts. "I— don't really know why I'm doing this but would you like to dance? The barman," Jeongguk manages to say before his eyes turn to him to find the man smiling. "He told me you don't have a dancing partner. I'm sorry if this is offensive. I was just—"
"It's okay," the dancer's voice is deep and mellow. Somewhat familiar, too. It makes Jeongguk's heart want to leap from his chest and his mind comes up with images that are a little too absurd.
Love. Jeongguk has been looking for it for years. He never found it because it never felt right. But under the dim yellow light of this jazz club, under the slow jazz music, and under the big feline eyes of this stranger, Jeongguk feels like he is at home... as absurd as this may sound.
Then the man speaks again when Jeongguk doesn't react.
"Dance with me then."
The man looks beautiful from up close. His face is soothing, balanced, colored with the hue of honey with a little mole asterism forming on it.
Jeongguk never pays attention to faces. He sees countless people every day in the bar he's working at. But somehow this man stands out.
Maybe it's his warm smile or the way he has rolled his sleeves or the sound of his voice or the way he makes Jeongguk's heart react when he murmurs In other words… I love you…
I must be craz y... He finally thinks as the man moves closer, grabbing his hand softly and placing it on his shoulder.
Then, his long fingers move on Jeongguk's waist, nesting there carefully before their fingers intertwine.
"Follow my lead, okay? It's not difficult."
A rose tint appears on the milky cheeks as he nods before Jeongkuk's body starts moving along with the stranger's. It feels so natural. As if they have done this before. But Jeongguk knows he has never danced with anyone.
In fact, he doesn’t like dancing. Not at all. But this man makes it seem so easy, so organic, so… Jeongguk doesn’t know how to describe it.
So he lets himself be swayed, like a leaf playing with the waves. Their motions are careful at first. Clean. There's some distance between them that makes the dance feel slightly odd. This gap. It needs to be bridged to let the music move their bodies as they are supposed to be swayed.
"I'm Jeongguk—" he dares to say, eyes trying to avoid the feline spheres that make chills run down his spine the more their hands and bodies stay connected.
"Taehyung," the man answers with a box-shaped smile that starts a fire somewhere inside Jeongguk's mind. "Is this your first time here?"
"Y-yes... I think."
"You think?"
"I work around the corner at RJ's bar. I've seen this place a thousand times. I know it's weird but it feels familiar somehow."
"Have you ever felt like coming inside?"
"Not until—" Jeongguk's voice trails off. Not until what? Until he felt this strange pull? Until his eyes fell on the lone dancer?
Jeongguk doesn't want to sound weird. He's here just for a dance. To satisfy this bizarre curiosity and need that slowly roots in his heart.
"Do you like jazz?" Taehyung's voice echoes nicely in his ears. He can be a singer or a businessman.
Jeongguk thinks the former suits him more. This man, Taehyung, looks like he came out of a 50s romantic comedy. His features are soft, beautiful, and delicate. It’s everything someone would want.
"I think I do..."
" Think , again?"
"I— I don't really know. I guess it’s okay. But I never listen to it. It makes me feel..."
"Sad?"
"Yes. Like there's something missing. Maybe I'm too sensitive for it," Jeongguk doesn't know why he shared this with the stranger. It's pointless to start a conversation if he is about to leave when the music stops.
"And what about now?"
The young boy feels Taehyung's hand holding him a little tighter, fingers burning his skin even though he wears layers of clothes. He can almost feel that he wants him closer.
And it should make Jeongguk feel uncomfortable. But somehow he enjoys this new proximity.
It almost feels like a cup of hot chocolate and Jeongguk is a little scared and confused, for the man's presence somehow makes him want to believe in love at first sight.
But this is too romantic for him. An idea of the past that a single look at someone's soul through their eyes can show you a glimpse of your future together.
But right there, in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by old and timeless love, Jeongguk finds himself falling.
"Excuse me but... have we met before?" Tears threaten to fall on his cheeks.
"No."
"Then why do I feel like we've had this conversation before?"
Taehyung chuckles a little, encouraging the young boy to spin before he pulls him close to his body, allowing Jeongguk to feel his beating heart under his shirt the moment his hand lands on the man’s chest.
Warm… Alive…
The music has stopped but Jeongguk isn't moving. He keeps staring into the stranger's eyes, feeling the urge to touch his face and link their foreheads.
The little octopus in his belly crawls. This is familiar yet unfamiliar to him. Jeongguk has never been in love in his life.
He doesn't know what it feels like. But just now he wants to cry because this wave of unexplained feelings is overwhelming.
"Are you okay?" Taehyung asks worriedly, holding the young one tightly between his arms as if he would fly away like a butterfly if he let him go.
"I— I need to— I need to go. I'm sorry. I don't —" Jeongguk murmurs in confusion, pushing the man back to free himself.
His brain somehow remembers the motions. It's like a weird deja vu that he can't control or explain.
"Jeongguk," Taehyung whispers, eyes glistening under the light.
But the young one doesn't stay long to see him lifting his arm, reaching for him. Neither that nor the tears falling on his honey cheeks as Jeongguk heads back to the bar to grab his stuff and storm out of the jazz club.
Outside the drizzle has turned into a downpour, making everything harder to look at.
Jeongguk's eyes fill with tears.
What is this feeling? Why is it there? Why does it have the man's name and why does it taste so bitter?
Jeongguk needs to go home. This wasn't necessary. He was perfectly fine until now. He can carry on living his life, repeating his routine, and finding comfort in the repeating actions that offer a sense of stability and safety.
But as he takes a step, feet crashing on the black tar, Jeongguk, in his haziness, doesn't notice the vehicle speeding towards him.
The lights are the only thing the big doe eyes see, before panic surges through his body, forcing his eyes to close.
His heart trembles. The memory of screams and light floods his mind. Is this what it feels like when you are about to leave this world?
Jeongguk doesn't want to go. It's too soon. He's only lived for 24 years.
He wants to live.
See the world.
Conquer it. Bit by bit.
Travel.
See the beauty of it all and then... fall in love.
Is this too much to ask for? Are the gods above so cruel? And if yes, why are they so cruel to him?
Jeongguk cries, pressing his eyelids harder for the inevitable. A moment stretching into a million frames before the impact.
A loud screeching noise is then heard and the smell of burnt tires mixes with petrichor before a loud bang makes the people around run to the scene.
Warm... Jeongguk feels it as rivers stream down his face. They aren't red but crystal clear, rivers made of water and perhaps a little memory.
For when Jeongguk opens his eyes, he finds himself in the lone dancer's arms. His feet are back on the sidewalk as the rain keeps falling, soaking their bodies to the bone. Yet Jeongguk doesn't feel cold despite the wind trying to penetrate his skin.
"I caught you this time," Taehyung's voice echoes in his ear, making Jeongguk sob as a flash of memory passes before his eyes.
* * *
Everything looks different. Old. Dragged out of a movie that reminds him of a different time when war raged and people suffered.
He is dressed in a vintage suit, entering the same jazz club. The people inside look odd. Their outfits remind him of that one movie he had seen with a man named Jay who had so tragically died for love.
And then, when he steps inside, he sees the lone dancer on the same dance floor. His green suit makes him look like a dream made of honey, music, and the essence of dreams.
When their eyes meet, Jeongguk feels his heart beating faster. This man is no ordinary man. His eyes make Jeongguk's soul tremble and his smile fills his body with bliss.
This man is love . His first one. His only one. The reason he wakes up in the morning. The reason his nights are more bearable.
Jeongguk is open about who he is. He never hid it from the eyes of the public. But his fellow humans thought he was disgusting, pointing fingers and calling him names until he met him, the jazz singer, Kim Taehyung.
And he is a dream. His dream. His soulmate as he called him under the moonlight once, twice, thrice...
But this love was forbidden and it had to be hidden. A secret that made Jeongguk's heart ache. For Taehyung was not only another man but a married one who had followed his parents' wishes.
Hiding his true self behind a charming smile and a pair of eyes that were too stunning to notice the pain oozing from every cell of his body.
The affair was fierce. They kissed and Jeongguk felt time stopping. They made love and the earth halted.
But that day, in that jazz club, Jeongguk saw something that made fear creep into his mind.
Doubt .
"I love you, isn't this enough?" Taehyung had said, holding Jeongguk's waist as they danced in the shadows.
"No. I want more," Jeongguk had said, tears rolling on his cheeks. "Why should we be ashamed of falling in love, Tae? Is this so wrong? And if yes, who determined that this is a sin?"
"Jeongguk..." Taehyung's face was painted with pain. He knew he couldn't do anything about it but he didn’t want to let him go. Jeongguk was his star, a bright spot of light in the endless darkness of what he called life.
"I need to— I need to go. I don't want this. I can't be with someone who is afraid to call me his. I'm sorry, Taehyung. This is... over!"
The young one then pushed Taehyung back and ran to the door in a state of panic and heartbreak.
There's a downpour outside, everything was hard to see. Jeongguk was hurt all over because paying the price of love was far greater than he had imagined.
His eyes turned towards the club only to find Taehyung running after him.
Jeongguk couldn't take it.
So he took a step, hoping that his feet would be brave enough to take his heart far away from the man who had for a brief yet meaningful time held his very soul in his hands.
Loud cries and sobs had then filled the place, making people storm out to see what had happened.
Before their eyes, a man was lying motionless on the street, red rivers flowing on the street, as the young boy was hit by a driver who hadn't seen him.
"No! Please, Jeongguk! Open your eyes!" Taehyung had begged him again and again, screaming in pain.
His love was gone. Taken away from him so cruelly. And for what…? Because he wasn't brave enough to be his true self and love Jeongguk back the way he deserved to be loved?
Tears kept streaming down his face. For days. Months. A full year. He left his wife and ran away from everything and everyone. He couldn’t sing anymore. All his songs were for Jeongguk but Jeongguk was now gone.
His parents disowned him and he lost his will to live.
Until he found himself on that bridge a couple of years later, ready to put an end to fate's cruel design. But moments before he joined his lover in a wet slumber, he saw a man dressed in black staring back at him curiously.
"Your soul died once on that street when you held the lifeless body of your soulmate between your arms."
"What?" Taehyung had cried out, watching the man standing next to him, gazing at the dark sky. "Who— who are you?"
The man had smiled, letting his gummy smile paint his translucent face.
"I am the one who took him away from you."
"God?" Taehyung's heart was beating faster, ready to leap from his chest as a clap of thunder was heard in the distance. It didn't make sense.
"No, Taehyung. I'm just a reaper."
"I must be hallucinating..." Taehyung had laughed hysterically, taking another step towards the water.
"What would you give to see him again?" The weird man had asked.
"Everything! I would give everything!"
"Are you willing to wait for him?"
"I'd give my life to bring him back. Just to see him smile one more time..."
Tears streamed down his face as the pain of loss flooded his body, making him drop to his knees. "I love you. I will never stop loving you, Jeongguk!"
"I see..." The figure murmured, letting his hand land on Taehyung's head.
"I'll give you this gift then. Use it or throw it away. It's your call."
"W-what g-gift?"
The man smiled again, bestowing upon Taehyung the greatest gift a human could receive.
Time.
"Your lover's soul is bound to come back to this world. I don't know when but if you choose to accept, you'll have to wait for him."
"How long?" Taehyung had asked, still sobbing.
"Years. A century even. You will be the same. Your face won't change. But if you want to put an end to the endless wait, you simply need to come here and give up the gift I gave you."
Jeongguk… Taehyung had thought, recalling the beautiful face of his lost love. For you, I'd wait for infinity...
And thus, Taehyung accepted the reaper's gift. Cursed to walk the earth, untouched by time, walking alone until he found his old lost love.
Weeks turned into years. Years into decades. Until Taehyung came back to the one place their tragic love story had begun and ended.
And it was then that his eyes saw a young pair of eyes staring at him. The face was different from his lover's. But those eyes... They were the same.
"I've found you," Taehyung had thought. "After 70 lonely years, you've finally come back to me..."
And now, as Taehyung holds his soulmate between his arms, safe from fate's cruel plan, he starts sobbing again, knees finally giving up.
Jeongguk can't possibly know who he is. He probably thinks he's lost his mind.
But as he sobs on the wet ground, the young boy kneels before him, letting his warm hands cup his cheeks.
"How long has it been?" The boy asks and all Taehyung can see is the stars in his beautiful eyes.
"You— You remember me?"
"I just did..." Jeongguk murmurs, moving closer to him. "How long has it been?"
"70 years..."
Jeongguk sighs. "You waited for me to come back for that long?"
"And I'd wait for a thousand years more just to see you again, my soul," Taehyung carries on before he leans on the young one's touch. "Will you ever forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive, Taehyung. I remember now… I stormed out in a haze. I was heartbroken, betrayed... I wanted you to love me as much as I loved you. Unconditionally. Wholly... I was selfish—"
"No! I was a coward! I don't deserve this, my love."
Jeongguk then moves, letting their foreheads touch.
"This must be a miracle..." He hums, feeling, for the first time ever, complete. "If you want forgiveness, I'll give it to you. But you have to promise me that this time you will stay because you want to stay. I still love you, you know. My heart is yours, as it always has been."
"My love," Taehyung's hands wrap around him, pulling him closer. "Now that I've found you I'm never going to let you go. And if for some reason we part. I'll wait. For as long as it takes to meet you again! You are the most precious thing I have. So let me love you as you deserve to be loved."
Jeongguk doesn't speak but Taehyung can see the tears in his big doe eyes before the young one kisses him again for the first time in 70 long and lonely years.
The kiss is soft and precious. It fills their souls with the same kind of bliss they felt during their secret picnics in the countryside. During the kisses they exchanged under their blanket in a small hotel room hidden from the world.
Love endures. It attaches itself to the soul and waits until you find it again.
As the two lovers kiss, the blonde barman walks out of the jazz club. His eyes fall on them and his gummy smile appears on his lips.
"Enjoy this life, Taehyung," he murmurs to himself before he starts walking away from them. “Your soul is back…”
Taehyung's life begins anew the moment he disappears. The gift of time is lost but the gift of love is greater.
"I love you, my heart." Taehyung murmurs, holding his soulmate tighter. "I'll love you to infinity."
Jeongguk smiles. His heart is ready to burst.
"I love you, too, my heart!"
The wait is over. They have finally found each other.
They stay together and hug each other every single day. They fall asleep in each other's arms, they make love, sweet love, that fills their bodies with bliss. They hold hands, dance, and sing.
And when the time comes, they leave this world together only to find each other again. Their faces may be different but their souls are still the same.
Love endures. Even though you might think that you've lost it. It's there, playing hide and seek with the soul. Sometimes it takes longer to find because love can hide very well. But when you do find it, don't ever let it go. It's probably the greatest gift you will ever receive.
In this life.
And the next one.
And the one after that...