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Summary
Grief has a way of gripping and clinging onto a person, no matter how much time has passed. It will always find new ways to torment you and pull you into the abyss, even after you've decided to turn over a new leaf. Once you were pulled into the darkness, it was hard to come back up and floating into the nothingness was an addicting feeling.
For Jeno, grieving was an assurance that he was still alive and capable of feeling emotions, though the feelings in question were nothing but torture.