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wei wuxian knows he’s lucky to be given a second chance in this life. he never takes that for granted and he knows that he owes a lot to lan wangji.
lan qiren isn’t necessarily sickly but even those from the dragon lineage must rest at some point and eventually, he’s going to ascend. it’s why lan wangji will take the throne. he’s the perfect fit for an emperor as his cold and stoic exterior fits the profile better than that of his much friendlier, older brother.
aside from that, he’s stern in a way lan xichen just isn’t and they all understand that. lan wangji was born for this. in his past life, wuxian had been from a lineage of foxes and despite being in a different body, that part of him has not changed. he’s been engaged to wangji for almost 5 months and they are to be wedded a month before wangji takes the throne and as much as wuxian would die for his lan zhan, he can’t help but feel distressed and … out of place.
“wei wuxian?”
“lan shu- master lan” wuxian bows, entering the library to speak with lan qiren
even though wuxian has always been somewhat formal, this is strange for him to be addressing lan qiren this way especially since they were alone.
“what is it?”
he tries not to sound impatient. he’s accepted wuxian long time ago, maybe before he even realised it.
“i— i know that i have never been the ideal choice for lan zhan” wuxian begins, he keeps his eyes downcast and that’s unsettling enough that lan qiren stands up from where he had been sitting
“and now that.. that he’s to be emperor” wuxian takes a shaky breath and lan qiren can tell he’s been crying, “i think, you were right”
they don’t hear lan wangji and lan xichen outside, who stopped when they saw wuxian rush into the library pavilion.
“what are you talking about?”
“i’m not good enough for him and i don’t want anyone to look down on him because of me and my past” wuxian doesn’t sound as confident as he usually does, when he’s teaching the juniors or going on night hunts or even when he’s talking about things he’s learned. right now, he sounds … pained
“wuxian what -”
“we cannot choose who we love and perhaps, even if we could, it would still be him” wuxian says softly and he still refuses to look up, “you have never wanted this for him and even xichen- zewu jun said that i was lan zhan’s only mistake”
wangji tenses and makes a move to go inside when he sees wuxian look up at his uncle, his eyes red with unshed tears.
“i won’t forgive myself if i allow him to make another mistake” wuxian says, firmer this time, “if you wish, you can find someone more suitable to be a lan, i’m sure zewu jun would be able to assist”
wuxian bows and then he rushes out the library, through another exit. lan qiren has never been this stunned before but more so, he’s never felt this amount of guilt in a very long time.
xichen is standing still, his body rigid as he looks at his brother, who seems to be crying now.
🌱🌱🌱🌱
it’s late in the evening when wuxian returns to the jingshi. he doesn’t expect to find lan xichen there but he greets them quietly before entering the jingshi. the silence is deafening.
“a-xian” xichen says calmly and he doesn’t miss the way wuxian’s arm move around his stomach, protectively.
his eyes widen a fraction and wangji freezes. could it be..?
“yes?” wuxian says, his voice uncharacteristically soft for someone as boisterous as he usually is. this is so wrong
“will you please sit?” wangji says equally as soft, he wants nothing more than to reach out for his beloved but he’s too scared that it’ll scare him away.
wuxian nods and follows them to the table where wangji pours them tea. it’s still too quiet and it’s even making xichen uncomfortable. this is not how it should be and he knows he’s partly at fault.
“do you love wangji?” he asks instead
he sees the way wuxian lifts his head up so fast
“of course!” wuxian says, voice a little louder now, “more than anything, why would you ask me that?”
“this afternoon…” wangji whispers
wuxian curls in on himself and he’s got a protective hand on his stomach again. they wonder if he realises what he’s doing and it’s almost too good to be true but there have been stories. they haven’t been able to shapeshit in many, many years. all the dragons of the lan clan have ascended over centuries ago but their blood still runs strong and it wouldn’t be impossible.
“a-ying, is something wrong?” wangji asks, reaching out to gently wrap his arm around his fiancés waist and he feels at ease when wuxian lets him
“yes..” wuxian sniffs, “i don’t know how it’s even possible and we’re not married yet but…”
he trails off, looking down shyly but xichen just gives him an encouraging smile.
“i was feeling sick” he explains, “sizhui and jingyi had dragged me to see the physician and he told me about the lineage and that it was rare but-”
“not impossible” wangji says and he nods
“i don’t want to bring shame to you lan zhan” he whispers but wangji would never see it that way, he loves wuxian with all of his being and being emperor means nothing if he cannot call himself a husband.
“no baobei” he wraps his arms around his waist tighter, feeling his eyes sting, “this is nothing to be ashamed about, we are to be married and we love each other, i don’t care what anyone else thinks”
“besides, you won’t be showing” xichen says, who’s also tearing up, “a-xian, you’re really?”
wuxian nods, hiding his face in the crook of wangji’s neck. wangji understands that he must’ve been distressed and confused and that it’s normal to be emotional. it scares him to think that maybe, wuxian wants to leave but then wuxian is crying and wrapping his arms around his neck and his whispering “sorry” over and over again and xichen knows it’s his time to leave. they can talk better in the morning once wuxian has calmed down
“let me see your face baobei” wangji says, moving wuxian onto his lap
when wuxian looks up at him through his pretty eyelashes, he looks adorable. his cheeks are pink from crying and his lips look so kissable that wangji has to lean in to kiss him once and then twice and then a third time for good measure. he knows he’ll never love anyone more than he loves his wei ying.
“i was scared” wuxian says, “i’ve disappointed so many people and your brother and uncle were finally getting around to accepting me and now i’ve messed that up”
“you’ve not done anything wrong” wangji says, “and it takes two, i was a willing participant”
that earns him a giggle from wuxian and he feels lighter already.
“i was with your rabbits all day” he continues, “and i was scared that maybe lan-shushu took my words to heart and he would really find someone else for you”
“i would die” he adds after a while, “i don’t think i can live a life without you”
lan wangji places his hand on the lower part of wuxian’s stomach and kisses his forehead. he really must be the heavens favourite for him to receive a gift like this in this life.
“i wouldn’t allow it” wangji says, “i’d lock you away and keep you forever wei ying, you underestimate just how far i’ll go for you”