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Kakuzu’s heart never raced. And neither did his additional hearts. Well, they had when they had ripped each of them from the dying shinobis’ chests, but that was different. The dying shinobis’ heartrates had increased out of fear of Kakuzu and death and they hadn’t calmed down yet when he had taken them for himself.
But there was no reason for them to race now. He was practically immortal, so he wasn’t afraid of death, and nothing on earth was scary enough to make him experience fear.
Excitement was a feeling Kakuzu had forgotten how it felt. He had been too long on this damned world to remember what it was like to be excited. A shiver ran down his spine as he cringed at the thought of bubbly people. Disgusting.
Lastly there was anger and while Hidan would annoy the shit out of Kakuzu regularly and it made his blood boil, his heartrate always remained steady. He would just chop off Hidan’s head and everything was fine again. They always did it that way.
So, if there was no emotion that would make his heart race, then it must be a medical issue making his hearts beat faster now. Probably a heart attack or something, because one of his hearts would give up soon. Why else would it race when your tipsy figure came closer and closer? Why else would it skip a beat when you accidentally bumped into him? And his heart – or hearts, he wasn’t sure – wasn’t the only issue. When his hands instinctively reached out for your waist, steadying your balance, they tingled. Tingled. Disgusting.
You turned around and touch of horror crossed your features. “Oh, Kakuzu! I’m so sorry!” For some reason there was a sting in his chest. Why would you be afraid of him? He would never hurt you.
“It’s fine”, he grumbled, more worried about the warm feeling in his chest as his gaze fell on your rosy cheeks. Konan grabbed your arm, pulling you to the bar, causing you to slip from his touch, running through his fingers which had still been resting on your waist like sand. He fought the urge to tighten his grip to keep you in place. Another shiver went down his spine. Definitely a medical issue. He needed to ask Sasori for an analysis.
He snapped out of his thoughts as Kisame’s face filled his field of vision. “Oi, everything alright?”, he asked. Dilated pupils indicated the man had more than one drink in his system, but he was still sober enough to notice something was up with Kakuzu – much to the latter’s dismay.
He was a private man, who disliked when people could tell what was going on in him, so he masked his face. Over the years he had mastered an almost perfect poker face with features of concrete, only occasionally showing annoyance or anger – most times directed at that obnoxious brat Hidan. Unfortunately, it was only almost perfect. There were still situations when Kakuzu was caught off-guard and his stoic face crumbled a little. And to make things worse, Itachi had noticed and shared his observations with Kisame. At least – like a blessing in disguise – it was them who figured him out and not Deidara or worse, Hidan. Itachi and Kisame the two people he liked the most. Well, not exactly liked, but he respected them and Pain by far the most.
“You wouldn’t ask if you didn’t have a suspicion. Just spit it out.”
Kisame laughed, exposing the lines of sharp, pointy shark teeth. “That is true. You seemed a little distressed just now.”
Kakuzu crossed his arms in front of his chest, subconsciously building up a wall around himself. “One of my hearts seems to act up, I’m afraid it will stop functioning soon. I’ll ask Sasori for a medical examination later.”
The smirk on Kisame’s face turned from teasing to outright scornfully. “Tell me about your symptoms.”
“Increased heartbeat, skipped heartbeats, disgustingly tingling skin, a warm feeling and a sting in my chest accompanied by shivers.”
Kisame visibly suppressed the laugh bubbling in his throat. “All this happened just now? When she bumped into you?” Watching the other man through narrowed eyes, Kakuzu nodded slowly. “And you think it’s a medical issue? Good luck, Sasori won’t find anything.”
“What are you implying, fish boy?”
Rather unsuccessful, Kisame tried to cover another laugh with a sigh this time. “The amount of denial is astonishing. Kakuzu, my man. You don’t have a medical issue. You have a crush.”
Kakuzu snorted. “I’m not Deidara. I don’t long for a anyone’s attention. Romance is a disgusting, lavish concept I refrain from supporting. A waste of time and money. I have better things to do.”
Kisame shrugged. “If you say so. Have fun with convincing Sasori you have a medical emergency.” Not waiting for an answer, he turned around and walked away, probably looking for Itachi to tell him the news. At least it was only Itachi, because Kisame knew Kakuzu would kill him and take his heart if he told anyone else.
With a scowl, Kakuzu made his way to Sasori’s lab. Considering the party going on in the kitchen and living area, the puppet player probably decided to retreat to his realm in the cellars, far away from the hustle. And he was right. Soft light shone from under the lab door, so he knocked.
“What is it?” The voice was annoyed, but he couldn’t resent Sasori. The man was probably expecting him to be a drunk Deidara or Hidan – both of them everyone would prefer to avoid after a certain time of day.
“I apologize for interrupting your work this late at night, but I have some issues with one of my hearts, I think. Do you have time for a quick check?”
Footsteps were to be heard on the other side of the door before a key turned and the door swung open. “Come in. Just lock the door again, please. I don’t want drunk brats in here.”
“Understandable. Thank you.”
Sasori put away the utensils and materials for the poison he was probably currently working on and rolled his chair over to the lounger on the left wall of the room. “Symptoms?”
Repeating the exact words, he had told Kisame a few minutes ago he answered, “Increased heartbeat, skipped heartbeats, disgustingly tingling skin, a warm feeling, a sting in my chest and shivers.”
Grabbing a few things, Sasori started examining Kakuzu’s body. “When did the symptoms occur? Was it the first time?”
He thought for some time. Had this been the first time he had experienced something like that? His hearts beating in a weird rhythm had definitely been the first time, he would’ve noticed if not. But the rest? A few days ago, when he had checked the Akatsuki’s finances and drunk some whiskey, his chest had felt a little warmer and fuzzier than usual, but he had put it off as the new brand having a different effect. The only other occurrence had been a week ago when he and Hidan had returned from a mission and the hideout had felt incredibly hot after they had entered.
“Just a few minutes ago and for the heart concern, yes, that was the first time. I’ve had a warm feeling before – twice this week – but it didn’t seem concerning, at the times I had plausible causes, so I didn’t think much of it”, he answered Sasori after a while, who hummed in acknowledgment.
“I see. Any common circumstances? Was it after physical activity? Are you stressed?”
Kakuzu sighed. Hidan was getting on his nerves, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. “No and not really. A week ago, I had just returned from a mission and a few days ago I was just working on our finances.”
The redhead nodded slowly, then clicked hos tongue. “I’m afraid I can’t help you right now. There’s nothing wrong with your hearts, your cardiovascular system seems normal and I can’t sense any anomalies in your chakra network or blood levels. I’d advise you to keep an eye on it and tell me if you notice anything unusual again. Or if you’d like a more detailed check-up, you can come in tomorrow again.”
A snicker was heard through the door, just when Kakuzu was about to respond. Instead, he hissed at the door, “Just fuck off, brat! This is none of your business!” Turning back to Sasori, he was met with a raised eyebrow. “Kisame. I don’t know what he’s up to, but he got on my nerves earlier already”, he explained quickly, while putting his shirt back on.
“Just don’t let him in when you leave.”
This wasn’t hard, as Kisame followed him like a lost puppy – if the puppy was half shark, half human. Touch luck for the younger one, since Kakuzu wouldn’t hurt an innocent puppy, but he sure would hurt the fish man if he didn’t leave him alone.
“So, the puppet didn’t find anything, huh?”, he teased after a few meters down the hall.
Kakuzu growled. “Don’t make me waste my time by repeating myself.”
Kisame let out a hearty laugh. “Repeat what? That you don’t need love? Afraid you’ll realize you do long for her attention? Or worse: Her affection?” He chuckled again, when threads slipped from Kakuzu’s skin, a silent threat to shut his mouth. Being smarter than Hidan or Deidara who would’ve pushed the topic further, the blue haired man abstained from doing so and returned to the commotion the others called a “party”.
Too tired to return as well, Kakuzu opted for the balcony with a glass of his newly acquired bottle of bourbon and the suitcase from his latest bounty hunt. It was quite cold for a fall night but freezing wasn’t something Kakuzu did – alcohol or not. The more important thing was no wind to blew away his precious bills, so temperature was of secondary importance.
What he didn’t expect was to run into you for the second time within an hour. You stepped through the doors, practically gasping for air. His presence wasn't one to miss, but somehow you didn’t notice him sitting at the table in the corner. You were too focused on leaning over the railing and coughing your lungs out to register you weren’t alone.
“Are you alright?”
Your whole body flinched when Kakuzu spoke up, his voice as monotone as it could be. Seeing you like this made him fell something. Was it worry? He hadn’t been worried in a while, so he had forgotten how it felt. You turned around in panic and something tugged at his heartstrings as the same horror as before flashed your face. His heart was racing again and he almost forgot how to breath.
“Kakuzu! I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there. Deidara just blew up one of his figurines and I thought I’d suffocate in there.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t there other windows to get fresh air? Windows nearer to the kitchen?”
At heart, deep down in his soul, he fought the urge to jump up and comfort you in his arms. Kakuzu wasn’t the type of person to do that. Caring for others was something meaningless to him. And romance was something that would only get in the way at the end of the day. Something unnecessary and burdening. And he didn’t a burden. The only thing he needed was money and there were enough entries in his bounty book to hunt. Kakuzu didn’t need romance.
But would he change his mind if he knew the horror on your face wasn’t because you were scared of him, but because he should never find out about your heart racing too when you looked at him? Would he change his mind if he knew the red tint on your cheeks didn’t come from the alcohol you had consumed, but came from being too close to him? Would he change his mind if he knew you longed for the burning sensation his hands had left on your hips earlier? Would he change his mind if he knew you resisted the urge to jump at him when he had met you right after returning with Hidan a week ago? Would he change his mind if he knew you enjoyed watching him count the money from his bounty hunts a few days ago because he looked so attractive doing it? Would he change his mind if he knew you loved him too? Would he change his mind if he realized you were the reason his body was acting up?
Because after all, love and romance were still different things.