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There was an undeniable serenity in drowning. For as long as he could think, Stellan had thought the ocean was beautiful.
The ocean is beautiful because Elzar is beautiful, he thought, distantly, floating in the water, letting the waves consume him.
Suddenly, something pulled at his gut. Slowly, painfully, Stellan looked down.
And realised that he was see-through. Entirely.
‘What the-’, he whispered, only to realise that he could open his mouth without swallowing the salty water.
What was going on?
Then, the pull in Stellan’s gut became stronger and stronger until he felt himself being drawn away, out of the ocean, towards the shore. It was a strange feeling, as he glanced around at the ocean filled with the debris of Starlight Beacon. Then, he felt something different. He felt the presence of two stars, so bright and so familiar that he almost started screaming in joy.
And then, quite suddenly, he was standing right in front of them. The cold clamp he’d had around his heart, not knowing whether Avar was alright loosened as he saw her in Elzar’s arms.
They have each other, he thought, feeling the familiar warmth come over him. And I’m here too… somehow.
The rising sun of Eiram illuminated his two best friends in a gentle golden light and Stellan couldn’t help but smile, opening his mouth to call out to them.
But he was interrupted.
‘Fourfive! About time’, Elzar said. ‘Where’s Stellan?’
The droid rolled up to Avar and Elzar and Stellan frowned. How come they hadn’t seen him?
‘Master Stellan remained at the thruster controls to ensure that the station did not hit the coastal city of Barraza’, Fourfive said, his voice solemn.
Stellan felt the news hit his friends like a freighter. Elzar’s face morphed into an expression Stellan had never seen on him. There was no other word for it- except agony.
‘No. Please, no’, Avar whispered and Stellan’s heart broke along with her voice, her bright blue eyes filled with tears, her face ashen.
‘I’m not dead’, he said. But neither Elzar nor Avar reacted.
‘I’m not. Dead’, he tried again.
No response.
‘I’m right here’, he said, his voice becoming louder. ‘I’m not dead, I didn’t- I’m right here- please- look at me-’
Elzar and Avar were now holding Stellan’s saber in their hands, tears flowing freely.
‘I’m here- please, I’m begging you - please look at me-’, Stellan shouted, moving- hovering- walking so close to Elzar and Avar that he should have been able to feel their breaths on his skin- but he couldn’t.
‘No- no, this can’t- he can’t be gone’, Elzar whispered, staring down at the saber. ‘We weren’t- we- we were supposed to leave the station together- I- he was supposed to be right behind me- he promised-’
‘El- Elzar, please- I’m right here- please look at me- please see me-’
‘I can’t- I can’t feel him’, Avar whispered. ‘I can’t feel him and the last time- the last- the last time we spoke- we argued about stations-’
Stellan screamed, but neither Avar or Elzar could hear him.
‘What is this- why can’t you hear me- why can’t you see me- please- El- A- I’m right here - please- please see me- please hear me- I’m here- I’ll always be here- please-’ , Stellan said, his voice more broken than it had ever been before. He could feel every emotion passing through Elzar and Avar, every breath they took, every stab of pain to their gut.
The two of them were still standing, frozen, holding onto Stellan’s saber. Everyone around them had given them space, standing apart so they couldn’t overhear the quiet sobs now coming from Elzar.
‘I- Avar- I love him’, Elzar whispered, falling to his knees. ‘I love him- and I never told him.’
Avar kneeled next to Elzar, an arm around him, her head in the crook of his neck, silent tears running down her face.
‘I know, El’, she whispered. ‘I love him too- how could we not.’
Stellan let out a sob, falling to his knees himself- even if he couldn’t feel the ground anymore.
‘I love you too- I love you both so much- you are my- my song and my sea- you are my firmament- my constellation- please- please- see me- please hear me-’
Elzar let out a shuddering, agonised breath.
‘He can’t be gone.’
‘I’m not, I’m right here.’
‘El- he’s- he’s gone’, Avar whispered, holding Elzar closer as the two of them cried together.
‘Stellan Gios is dead.’