Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kate woke slowly, surrounded by the warmth of Anthony’s body. He was all around her, her back pressed to his naked chest, his loose arm under her bosom, their feet entwined. By the sound of his deep breathing, he was surprisingly still asleep. In the two months of their marriage, she had noted that he was a poor sleeper, often awake long after she was asleep and nearly always awake when she stirred in the morning.

She turned in his hold slowly so that she could take advantage of the rare occasion to gaze at her husband in sleep. He looked much younger this morning. The lines of worry and tension were soothed in sleep, his expression peaceful, a small smile on his lips.

Their marriage had been everything she'd never allowed herself to dream of. Despite the very rough start, they had settled into wedded bliss quite naturally. That was not to say it was peaceful. Nothing could be peaceful between the two of them and they liked it that way. Anthony was passionate, dynamic, frustrating – he felt everything. He gave her the freedom to feel it too and after months of hiding her feelings, there was an ease that existed between them now. They truly were partners. Kate could say with 100% truthfulness that Anthony was the only man she could have married.

On the rare occasion when her doubts plagued her (not due to anything Anthony did or said, but years of being thought less of did have an impact), she pictured a future where Edwina had not run away at the wedding. While her sister was perfection and any man would be lucky to marry her, she struggled to see a relationship between Edwina and Anthony.

Before they wed, Anthony had assured Kate that while he cared for Edwina, he had never loved her, had never thought to love her. His future with Edwina would have been one of calm acceptance and duty, but never love, at least on his part. Even Edwina had come to her a few weeks after the engagement and reassured her that her feelings for Anthony were entirely brotherly now.

“I have seen what true love is, Didi, between you and Anthony. What I felt for him was a mere shadow. A fairytale in my head. This is the way it should be. I deserve to find the same kind of love, to find a man who looks at me with the same burning intensity that Anthony looks at you.”

She was grateful that nothing negative lingered between the two most important people in her life, but her thoughts still seeped in once in awhile. Why had Anthony not wanted to love Edwina? Why had he not wished to love his wife? It did not match with who he was with her, so open in his love. It was a mystery surrounding him that she wished to solve.

Her thoughts were interrupted as her husband stirred. “Good morning, darling,” he said, his voice rough with sleep. “Whatever are you doing up so early?”

“Appreciating the view,” Kate said, cheekily.

“I should think my view far more appealing,” Anthony countered, as he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder.

“Agree to disagree,” she whispered, breathlessly. They fell into silence, Kate's mind still preoccupied with her earlier thoughts.

“What are you thinking of?” Anthony asked, more awake now and able to see that his bride was not at peace this morning.

“Tis nothing.”

“Tell me,” he pressed.

“What have I told you about you and your orders, Lord Bridgerton,” Kate's tone held a touch of sharpness.

“Please.”

His earnest entreaty soothed her. “It truly is nothing, Anthony. I was simply lost in my thoughts this morning, thoughts of how lucky we are.”

“And?” He knew her too well for that to be the end of it.

“I suppose I was wondering why you wished to marry Edwina?” Surprise was evident on his face, not unexpectedly as her meaning was unclear. “No, that is not what I mean exactly. Why did you choose the Queen’s diamond rather than look for love?”

“I did not seek love in my marriage,” he answered shortly.

“But why?” Kate pushed. He loved her so entirely, she never doubted it. His parents had been a love match, his sister too. So why had he not wished to marry for love? Anthony was silent, a thousand emotions flitting across his face, Kate’s nerves spiking. Perhaps she had gone too far?

His mind fought against his instinct to deflect, to avoid the painful memories of his past. But he wanted Kate to know him entirely, there was likely no one in the world who would understand as well as her. “I was there when my father died. We had been hunting and were returning to the house. Picking flowers for my mother when the bee stung him. I watched the best man I ever knew struggle to breathe and eventually fade right before my eyes.” Anthony paused, swallowing convulsively as he tried to stem the emotion welling up inside him.

Kate clutched his hand, trying to give him her strength. She had been by her father’s side when he passed, but it had been a long illness. They all knew what was coming. It did not make it less painful, but she could not fathom the pain of a sudden death.

“That was hard,” Anthony admitted. “But worse was watching my mother completely shatter in her grief. As she held her husband, the love of her life in her arms as he slipped away. And after, the utter despair. Did you know that she was 8 months pregnant with Hyacinth when he died?”

Kate shook her head, tears brimming in her eyes. She caressed his face, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“She could barely bring herself to look at her for over a month. She was barely present for the other children. Not that I blame her, of course.” Anthony remembered the gut-wrenching conversation in the drawing room – her wish that she had died in childbirth, her tortured existence for over a year. “That kind of pain was unbearable to watch. So I made the decision not to marry for love.”

It was suddenly so obvious. “Because you could not bear to cause that kind of pain in someone?”

How did she know his mind so clearly. “Exactly,” he breathed.

That was so like Anthony, to be more concerned about the pain he would cause in others than the pain he felt himself. “Then I came along and ruined your plans,” Kate whispered.

“You are everything I was so scared to want. Even now, what if I…?”

“What is it, Anthony?”

He could not make eye contact with her, surely she would think him mad. “I cannot imagine living longer than my father. How can I better him in anything? Even in living a longer life than him.”

“You expect that you will die young?” Kate asked, the pit in her stomach growing at the thought of losing him.

“It is what I have always thought. Even now, it lingers in the back of my mind. A curse hanging over my head.” He met her eyes, “I am terrified of leaving you. Of causing that kind of pain in you, the person I love more than anything in the world. A very thought of it brings me to my knees.”

Kate shifted their position so that she was straddling his hips, her hand rested on his heart. “Anthony, whether we have one month, one year or 50 years together, I will never regret this relationship,” she swore. “I know you are scared. I suspect that it will stay until you surpass your father's years. But I firmly believe that you and I will live in long and rather vexing life together. I refuse to have it any other way.”

“I do so hate to refuse you anything,” he responded, voice wet.

“I know. So you will simply,” she pressed a kiss to his forehead, “have to resign yourself,” to his cheek, “to many, many years,” to his nose, “of marriage.”

He curled his hand around the back of her neck and tugged her to his lips. The kiss was desperate, full of longing. He whispered against her mouth, their air intermingled, “Thank you, Kate. For understanding. More than anyone else.”

“Always.”

Chapter Text

Colin stormed into the drawing room at Aubrey Hall, frustration evident on his face, and headed straight for the tea table. After stuffing himself with cakes and sandwiches, he flopped down on the couch, despite his mother's admonishing tone, “Colin,” and Eloise’s shout of annoyance as put his feet on her book.

“You know, Kate,” he said. “I rather thought that your marriage to Anthony would have lightened him up. And yet he is just as stubborn and hard as he ever was.” Kate held her tongue for the moment, but her anger spiked.

“What did you do to annoy him today, brother?” Eloise asked.

“I am never annoying,” Colin protested though Eloise and Benedict only laughed. “I simply went to speak with him about my next tour.”

“You wish to travel again, Colin?” Violet asked.

“Of course, Mother. What reason is there to stay in England currently? My feet are itching to leave these shores, explore new horizons.”

Eloise shoved his feet off her lap with frustration, “At least you can travel, Colin. I am stuck here surrounded by prattling suitors.” A break from the season had not altered Eloise’s aversion for the marriage mart. If anything, it was worse, especially since the rupture of her friendship with Penelope, a subject that she still refused to speak on.

“Come Eloise, surely there must be some gentlemen that are not so distasteful to you,” Violet prodded. “Perhaps Anthony could introduce you to some of his friends.”

“We all saw how well that turned out with Daphne,” the younger woman scoffed. “I will not be shipped off to some man’s estate to bare his children like a broodmare. Knowing Anthony, he would try to pair me with someone like Berbrooke.”

Kate looked at her in shock. She knew how much guilt Anthony carried over his misstep with Berbrooke, he often spoke of it to her. He knew that he had made a mistake, selected the wrong man. The pressure his mother put on him, Daphne’s frustration over her situation, Simon – yet even now they gave such a hard time. It had been his first season shepherding a sister into society. Why did they not consider that?

“Anyways, Colin,” Benedict interrupted Eloise’s tirade, “what did Anthony say about your travels?”

“He lectured me endlessly on staying within my allowance, the proper company to keep, where to go. Just because he had no desire to travel before your honeymoon,” he gestured to Kate, seemingly oblivious to her anger, “he should not try to stifle my need to.”

Kate clenched her fists, trying not to go off on her new family but when would Anthony have had time to travel?! The time of his grand tour was spent learning to be a viscount, raising his siblings.

“Now Colin, be fair to Anthony,” Benedict said. “He is simply reminding you of your responsibilities, keeping you safe.” Kate appreciated Ben’s defense of her husband though she thought he could have been stronger in it.

“Come on, Ben. Anthony is just being Anthony, high-handed and overbearing in everything,” Eloise grumbled. “Like with your art school.”

Kate was relieved that the younger three siblings were not in the room to hear this. Francesa was in the music room perfecting the new songs that Anthony had brought back for her from their honeymoon and Gregory and Hyacinth were outside playing with Newton. It would break his heart if they were a part of this conversation.

“I hope you know the man you have married,” Eloise teased, but Kate only saw red. She could not let this stand, not anymore.

“Enough!” she shouted. “How dare you, all of you,” her voice simmered with rage, shocking the Bridgerton’s into silence. “You sit here and judge him. And yet you are completely blind to everything he has done for this family.”

“Do you know what he said to me before we married?” Kate slammed her book down on the table and shot to her feet. “He said he was sure that all of you hated him. Even you, Violet,” she looked at her mother-in-law, the older woman’s face flinching in pain. “Even though he had lived the better part of his life in service of you. And the way he said it, like he expected nothing better.” Her husband was many things, but undeserving of love and appreciation was not one of them.

Colin went to interrupt, but Kate held up her hand. “You sit here and complain about his actions. And yet he is the one working, all the time.” Even on their honeymoon, Anthony had ensured that he kept up to date with the reports of his stewards and lawyers. Kate had not begrudged him the time – she knew it was an important part of who he was. There was something delicious about watching him work, the intense focus that he gave his responsibilities was much like the focus that he often directed at her.

But now was not the time to focus on that feeling, it was time to take the Bridgerton’s to task. “You travel,” to Colin, “you paint,” to Benedict, “you read,” to Eloise. “Everything you choose to do, everything you are at liberty to do without worry or limitation is because he made it possible. He has tortured himself, worked himself to the bone to make you all happy. To make sure you have the lives that your father wished for you.” The words caught in her throat, her emotion welling up as she said, “And he could never even grieve his loss. Anthony never got to grieve his father because he had to make sure that your family was taken care of. A boy of eighteen thrust into the role of surrogate father, protector, Viscount, with almost no support.”

From the expression on Benedict and Violet’s faces, they knew how Edmund’s death affected Anthony, at least in part. She doubted they knew the depth as Anthony was well versed in hiding his trauma, burying it under duty. The disastrous near marriage to Edwina was evidence of that. Honestly it was a failing they both had and were trying to work through.

She shook her head at the family, whispering brokenly, “And yet you damn him still for doing the best he can. Why don't you help him?”

“He never asks for our help,” Colin responded meekly, the others simply staring at her.

“Of course, he does not! He would never presume to put his duties on you. He would never want you to suffer as he suffers. But why do you not offer or at least appreciate it?” Kate pressed, tears starting down her cheeks. She knew the Bridgertons loved each other immensely, there was no doubt in her mind. But they took Anthony for granted and he let them.

“Kate,” her husband’s awed voice rang out behind her.

She spun on her heel to face him, her gut welling with anxiety. How much had he heard? “Anthony…” He stalked towards her and wrapped her in a tight hug, burying his face in her neck, his fingers clinging to her back.

“Thank you, Kate,” he murmured, his words only audible to her. She settled a hand on the back of his neck, the other carding through his hair, breathing him in. Despite their audience, they stayed in that position for a moment, just drawing comfort from each other.

As they separated, as much as Anthony was willing, his arm still wrapped around her, Benedict said, hesitantly, “Brother, I am sorry.”

Anthony shook his head, giving his silent family a slight smile, “We can discuss this later. I would like some time with my wife. Excuse us.” He guided from the room and to his office, locking the door behind them.

Kate searched his expression, trying to determine what he was feeling. “I am sorry, Anthony, if I said too much. Or if I insulted your family.”

He pressed a quick, hard kiss to her mouth, murmuring, “Do not apologize for defending me. No one has ever done that for me.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, “You deserve better.”

He shook his head, “I don’t know what I have done to deserve you.”

She wanted to tease him, make some glib comment to recover her equilibrium, but it was not the time. Pulling him to the settee that he had added to the room, a comfortable place for her to sit so that she need not be absent from his office, Kate pushed him down and settled on his lap. His hands fell to her hips, their foreheads rested together in a moment of peace.

Anthony brushed a tear from her cheek, it falling seemingly without her consent.

“I don’t know why I am crying,” Kate choked, wetly.

“What can I do?” he asked.

Nothing. She did not want him to do anything save just be here with her. Kate dug her fingers into his thick hair, pulling him into a kiss. She was done with Bridgerton family drama. At the moment, she only wanted to focus on one Bridgerton.

He switched their positions in an instant, laying her out on the settee, hovering over her and swallowing her moan as he devoured her lips. Enough tears, enough pain – they would deal with his family later. For now, it was just the two of them.

Chapter Text

“Are you sure, Doctor?” Kate asked, looking down at her flat abdomen. She had missed her courses twice and she had been afflicted with frequent nausea, but still she had dared not hope. It did explain her overwrought emotions over the last couple months.

“I cannot be entirely sure until the baby starts to quicken, but you are showing all the signs of expecting. Congratulations, Viscountess Bridgerton.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” she said distractedly.

He gave her a final bow and left her to her thoughts.

A baby. It could not be that unexpected, given how often she and Anthony took to their bed, and his study, and the library…well everywhere. Still, the thought that a child was growing within her, their child – it was overwhelming. And wonderful.

Now she had figure out how to tell Anthony. Perhaps she should wait until she sure. It would be awful to get his hopes up. Although Anthony was sure to notice the changes to her body that were already occurring. It was only by chance that he had not been present for her morning sickness yet.

Morning sickness – what a joke. For Kate, it tended to be afternoon sickness, right when she wanted to sit down for a midday meal. Still it meant Anthony was rarely around when her stomach was expelling all of its contents and that was likely why he had not come to the realization of her condition. All the household staff were very aware of her recent illness and had been keeping a close eye on her.

“Kate! Kate!”

I guess it is time to tell him.

“Kate,” Anthony burst into their chambers, looking rather frantic. “Are you alright? I saw the doctor leaving.”

“I am fine, Anthony. I promise.” She held out her hand for him and he took it, sitting beside her on the bed. He clung to her hand tightly, pressing a kiss to the palm.

“I should have been here with you.”

Kate laughed indulgently, “Anthony, you do not even know why he was here. How could you have been there?”

“Will you not tell me?” he pleaded. “Are you ill?”

Part of her wanted to tease him, but the worry in his gaze was too severe to tease. “I expect that I will be rather ill, but it will end soon.” Kate took their joined hands and placed them on her belly.

“What?” Anthony stared at their hands, unable to fully comprehend her words.

“We are having a baby.”

“A baby,” he whispered. “Oh, Kate,” he tackled her with a hug, being very careful not to crush her stomach. They tumbled back on the bed, Anthony stealing kiss after kiss, murmuring, “Thank you so much, my darling.” Pressing a last kiss to her lips, he slid down her body and rested his head gently on her stomach. “Hello in there,” he murmured, fingers caressing her. “I'm your father. I love you so much already.”

Kate’s heart was fit to bursting. She was struck with a vision of the future. Of relaxing mornings spent in bed closer and closer to the birth, Anthony speaking to their unborn child, humming silly little tunes. It was peaceful, beautiful and perfect.

The pair of them remained in bed for the next few hours, locking out the world as they fell further in love with the unborn child.

“I should like a little girl, who looks just like you,” he said.

“And will she have you wrapped around her finger?” Kate teased, her head resting on her chest, her fingers drawing nonsensical patterns on his chest.

Anthony guided her chin up to press a kiss to her lips, “Absolutely.”

Kate hummed happily. “Well, I should like a little boy with dark brown, soulful eyes,” she ran her fingertip along his temple, staring into those same dark brown eyes.

The 10th Viscount Bridgerton and more importantly, his father’s grandson and his son. The image of that little boy echoed around his head like a dream and a ghost. Could he be the father his own was? Could he be the father his son or daughter deserved? Kate’s voice drew him back to the moment.

“When would you like to tell the family?” Kate asked.

Anthony flushed, “I expect Ben will pounce when I see him next. He was with me on the street when I saw the doctor leave the house, and I was not exactly subtle in my panic.” Benedict had been making more of an effort to spend time with him since the argument at Aubrey Hall, even showing up in his study to assist with some of his duties. Anthony appreciated the effort more than he could say.

Things had been…tense was perhaps not the right word, maybe cautious. Kate had told his family some hard truths and they seemed to vary in how they were responding to them – Benedict attempting to assist him, Colin in embarrassed silence, Eloise waffling between petulance and apology, and Violet, his mother was trying. Stealing private moments to talk about his feelings, her feelings, trying to make amends for what she had said and done in her grief and since. It had been horrible and wonderful. At least the youngest three were unaffected.

She caressed his cheek in comfort, “That is alright. Your mother is sure to know as she was the one who recommended that I see the doctor.”

“So at our family supper on Sunday?” Anthony suggested.

“I agree. I will write to Mary and Edwina and share the news.” Her family was currently in Prussia, the Queen playing the matchmaker before the start of the season. Edwina was quite pleased with the connection to the Prince, the man charming and handsome. Kate was not sure that her sister was in love with the Prince yet, but it seemed possible given how she spoke of him. They were due back in town in a month and Kate could not wait to have them nearby as she become a mother for the first time.

Kate noted her husband had become distracted. “What is it?” she asked.

Anthony interlaced their fingers, “I would like your permission to tell Hyacinth and Gregory first.”

“Oh Anthony, you don’t need my permission,” she cupped his cheek. She understood immediately his wish – in a way, the youngest two, especially Hyacinth, were his first two children. It made sense that he wanted to share with them before everyone else, to make sure that they were alright with such a big change in their family. “Of course, we should tell them first. Let’s have them to sleep over tomorrow and tell them then. We can all go to Bridgerton House together.”

“Anthony! Kate!” Hyacinth ran in, Gregory on her heels. “I have missed you.”

Anthony chuckled, wrapping her in a hug, ruffling Gregory’s hair. “It has only been a week since I have seen you.” He and Kate had returned to London a week before the rest of the family, the remaining Bridgertons only arriving two days before. Benedict was the only one he had seen so far, meeting up at their club for a quick drink.

“Hi, Kate,” Gregory said bashfully. His crush on her was quite adorable, at least to her. Anthony tended to grumble about it.

“Hello, Gregory, Hyacinth.”

“I am so glad that we are sleeping over tonight. It is so dull at home,” Hyacinth complained.

“Surely your tutors keep you busy,” Kate said. “And your siblings.”

“I hate Latin,” Gregory groaned.

“That is because you are dreadful at it. I am excellent at all languages,” Hyacinth bragged.

“Well, I am better at math than you,” Gregory countered.

“Enough, you two,” Kate said firmly. “Gregory, if you need assistance with your Latin, I would be happy to share some tricks that I used to teach Edwina. Hyacinth, the same for you and math.” The offer did not seem to bring peace, the pair glaring at each other.

“What do you say to Kate?” Anthony compelled them.

“Thank you, Kate,” they muttered.

“Let us head to the drawing room.” Settled on the sofa with tea and cakes that Kate had the staff prepare, the children were happily snacking away, their argument forgotten. Kate sat in the chair across from them, Anthony standing at her side, hand on her shoulder. Neither seemed sure how to start.

Hyacinth sensed their hesitation, “What is going on?”

“We have some news…,” Anthony started.

“Bad news?” Hyacinth asked, panic catching the words in her throat. Gregory looked at them worried, his food dropping back onto the plate.

“No, no, Hyacinth, Gregory,” Anthony surged forward and kneeled in front of them. “It is good news, I promise.”

“We are going to have a baby,” Kate told them gently.

“A baby…,” Hyacinth’s voice was small, eyes flicking to Kate’s stomach then back at Anthony before fixing on her hands, resting in her lap.

“Congratulations, Kate,” Gregory murmured, a fleeting smile on his face, not quite happy but trying to be.

Kate appreciated the effort, “Thank you, Gregory.”

“Hyacinth, do you have anything to say?” Anthony asked gently, trying to get his sister to meet his eyes. She would not though, simply shaking her head. Anthony looked at Kate, begging for her help. Since their marriage, he had become much better at sharing his feelings, they both had, but this was beyond that. He needed Kate’s assistance to ensure that his unique relationship with Hyacinth, and Gregory, were not damaged.

Kate knelt beside him, laying a hand on Gregory and Hyacinth’s forearms. “It is alright to feel uncertain, both of you. I know this is a lot. You can share anything you are feeling.”

“I am very happy for you and excited to be an aunt again, but…,” Hyacinth’s voiced wavered.

“Perhaps you are feeling a little jealous or worried about how this will affect your relationship with Anthony?” Kate suggested.

Hyacinth nodded, her lip wobbling, “This baby will be Anthony’s real child.” She buried her face in her hands and began to cry, Gregory sniffling beside her.

“You will not be replaced, Hyacinth. Neither of you,” Kate assured them, meaning every word she said.

Anthony pulled them both onto his lap on the ground, despite their more advanced ages. “Nothing will change how I feel about you two. I held you as babies, I watched you grow. I love you as my own, the same as I will love this baby. No different, I swear it.” Hyacinth threw her arms around Anthony’s neck, Gregory following immediately. He held then as tightly, pressing kiss after kiss to their hair.

Snuggling close, her tears wetting his jacket, Hyacinth whispered, “Your baby will be so lucky to have you as a father. We should know – you were the best father that Gregory and I could have asked for.”

“Thank you, Hyacinth,” Anthony croaked as her words began to sooth some of the fears that returned at thought of being a father. He never thought he could be as good a father as Edmund Bridgerton and perhaps he never would be, but maybe...

“You are enough,” Kate whispered as she lay her hand on his back, somehow knowing his thoughts yet again.