Chapter Text
“Push to maximum speed, Jeon. Also… you are looking flyyyy.”
That’s not the voice he expects to hear over the radio but it is one he’d know anywhere. In Formula 1, only one person is allowed to speak to the drivers over the walkies during a race but this is just a test run and Taehyung has never been one for rules. Seconds later, the voice he normally hears comes back on.
“Apologies for the interruption,” Seokjin says in Jungkook’s earpiece. “My microphone was hijacked by a rude interloper.”
In the background, he thinks he can hear Taehyung yelling “I’m a pirate!” and he laughs to himself.
“But, yeah, what he said,” Seokjin continues. “Push to maximum speed if you feel comfortable.”
Taehyung would never dare to distract him like that during a qualifier or an actual race but this is just a test run to see how the cars feel on the track. It’s still important but not so important that they can’t find moments of levity. Jungkook also knows— and he thinks Taehyung might know as well— that sometimes what Jungkook needs most in order to really buckle down and get to work when he’s nervous is a temporary distraction.
And Taehyung is certainly good for that. Always has been, always will be.
He also knows that the fans love their friendship. A “bromance,” as they’ve dubbed it. They even have a couple name for them: Taekook. These communications between the drivers and the engineers are public so he’s sure this will end up in one of those YouTube compilations that are out there. “Taekook’s Top 10 most bromantic moments”.
Friendships like theirs are rare in Formula 1. It’s a sport like no other, where despite having a teammate who drives for the same company, the drivers are both teammates and opponents.
There are two things every Formula 1 driver is fighting for: the individual driver world championship and the team world championship. The team world championship combines the points from both drivers on a team and whichever team has the most points at the end of the season wins the championship. However, at the same time, each driver is individually fighting for the single spot at the top of the leaderboard: the driver world championship. The companies care about the team championship but the divers care about the individual championship.
There are also only 20 spots in the F1 circuit— ten teams with two drivers each— so drivers were always fighting sometimes literally to the death for a spot in an F1 car.
Because you are fighting for your spot in F1 and both with and against your teammate, some of the most intense rivalries tend to be between the two drivers on the same team so true friendships in the sport are hard to come by.
Jungkook and Taehyung have broken the mold. While a lot of team members play nicely in front of the camera, the majority of that is just a front but nothing about Jungkook’s and Taehyung’s friendship is fake. They are friends in the truest sense of the word. Not only is their banter not fake, they are also abnormally supportive of each other and happy when the other places higher on the leaderboard. The rare times when either of them end up on the top-three podium, the other is the first person who congratulates them.
Jungkook constantly has to pinch himself that he got Taehyung as his first F1 teammate. It’s a rough sport with immense, never-ending pressures both internal and external but luckily Taehyung was his bright spot through everything.
Jungkook would never admit it to Taehyung but he had a tiny crush on him before they met. Okay, fine, make that massive crush. Taehyung started in F1 a few years before Jungkook but Jungkook had been tracking his career since Taehyung’s Formula 2 days.
It wasn’t even because Taehyung was the most handsome person Jungkook had ever seen, even though he definitely was. He’s always admired the kind of competitor he is.
Jungkook had actually seen Taehyung race before he saw his face. Jungkook was racing go karts at the time.
Jungkook watched Taehyung’s first F2 race with his team after a race. Jungkook could tell how good Taehyung was right from the beginning. He wasn’t in one of the best cars so he had an uphill battle to do well in the race. But despite starting in 6th position, he just narrowly missed winning, crossing the line just a second and a half behind the first place finisher.
And then he had taken off his helmet and Jungkook thought he might die right then and there. Taehyung was gorgeous. He looked down the camera lens with such an intense smolder and Jungkook had felt himself blush. He could only hope no one watching with him had noticed that he had just fallen in love at first sight because he was pretty sure anyone looking at him would be able to tell immediately.
Jungkook had followed his career closely from then on, attempting to rationalize it by telling himself that it was just about how good of a driver Taehyung was. And he really was incredible. Jungkook studied his moves, hoping to gain inspiration, how he was able to fake a driver by going out wide around a turn only to duck inside at the last second to make the pass. How he managed to hold his nerve when other drivers would have backed off. Jungkook wanted to drive like that one day.
Jungkook knew he was good as well.
In order to have a hope of being an F1 driver one day, you have to start out young. Children as young as three years old race in karts, progressing up the ranks if they’re good enough. Jungkook was five when he drove his first kart. He’s not even sure if he actually remembers driving for the first time or if he’s just heard the story enough times to think he does.
The way his parents tell it, he’s always been fearless and always wanted to go faster. He was soon outpacing even the teenagers in the sport and by the time he hit puberty, he had already drawn the attention of some of the biggest teams in the sport.
A number of Formula 1 teams use the karting circuit to spot potential future drivers. They then would contribute to their early career, fostering the talent in hopes that they would earn a seat in one of their cars in the future. When Jungkook won the Under 18 Karting World Championships when he was just 15 years old, his future was sealed when one of the biggest teams in F1 signed him as a junior driver. Unless he really messed up somewhere down the line, he would almost definitely be at least a Formula 2 driver one day.
All the while, as he worked his way up, Jungkook kept an eye on Taehyung. Taehyung did well in F2, not enough to win the championship but he did enough to impress an F1 team. And, even though the team he signed with wasn’t the official best team, it couldn’t have been better for Jungkook’s purposes because it was the very team that Jungkook was a junior driver for.
It was all but guaranteed that they would meet one day. And Jungkook knew, for that reason, that he had to get his shit together. He melted every time he saw Taehyung on screen, therefore he needed to get over his stupid crush to make sure the same didn’t happen if he was ever actually in Taehyung’s physical presence.
Amazingly, it didn’t take Jungkook long to work his way up to Formula 2. The feeling Jungkook had the first time he drove an F2 car was like no other. The danger mixed with traveling that fast that close to the ground led him to feel almost weightless. On the edge in more ways than one. On the edge of greatness, but also on the edge of death. His adrenaline was through the roof. He felt the blood pumping in his veins, his heart beating at the speed of light and he felt like if he could just go one mile faster, he might just take flight.
The first time he saw Taehyung in person, on the other hand, felt the complete opposite. It felt like time stopped. It felt like his heart stopped. Like he was grounded, so grounded it felt like he could almost sink into the earth beneath him if he stood there staring at him for long enough.
It happened on Jungkook’s first day as an F2 driver, right after Jungkook had finished racing.
It hadn’t been his best race. The nerves had gotten the best of him. To win a race at that level, you must be hyper-focused only on the cars in front and behind you. But, instead, Jungkook’s brain was on overdrive. He kept thinking about how he was actually finally in his very first F2 car and in his very first F2 race alongside drivers with years more experience than he had and his focus just hadn’t been there.
Knowing that all of Formula 2 plus a lot of eyes from Formula 1 were watching him as the rookie was just too much.
He had finished in the bottom half of the grid as a result - 16th out of 20 drivers. His team principal had thankfully been understanding. He had heard more stories of team principals chewing out their drivers than he cared to think about but thankfully he was understanding, assuming him that it was to be expected. No one won their first race at that level.
Despite the assurances, he was still seething as he walked back to the team holding area. He wasn’t used to losing. He wasn’t sure if even as a karting rookie if he had ever been that far back in the line up. Therefore, he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings. Suddenly, he looked up and he was there, not 10 yards away.
He knew that the F1 teams stepped in as soon as the F2 race finished but he was too distracted to remember what the exact implications would be of that.
The exact implications happened to be Kim Taehyung in Jungkook’s line of sight for the very first time.
Kim Taehyung in the flesh was even better than Kim Taehyung on camera. It felt like he was walking in slow motion. As Jungkook watched, Taehyung reached up and ran a hand through his flowing dark brown hair. He laughed at something the guy he was walking with said to him and turned back, facing in Jungkook’s direction. Walking in Jungkook’s direction.
Jungkook didn’t even notice he had stopped moving. His brain went completely blank and he openly stared as Taehyung got closer and closer to him. And then, when Taehyung was about three yards away, their eyes met and Jungkook’s brain turned back on. He quickly looked away and began walking again, trying to not look at Taehyung again.
But he couldn’t help himself and he looked up just as Taehyung was passing. His eyes were still on him.
“Hey,” he said in his deep baritone, smiling, still holding Jungkook’s gaze. If he hadn’t been looking directly at him, Jungkook would have thought he was talking to someone behind him.
“H-hi,” Jungkook stuttered back.
Jungkook caught a small smirk on Taehyung’s lips as he passed. He couldn’t believe that he had just spoken to Kim Taehyung. He had looked into his eyes and actually managed to say something to him. It was just one word but it had happened and Jungkook would hold onto that forever.
So much for getting over his crush before meeting him. He really was a walking disaster.
After his first race in F2, Jungkook had improved rapidly, vaulting to the front of the pack in almost every race he competed in.
Also after every race, he was able to watch Taehyung and the other F1 drivers compete. He couldn’t believe he was living out his dream.
Taehyung was still incredible. Over the couple of years he’d been in F1, he had refined his skills even further. Jungkook could tell from his maneuvers that he was even more confident in the car and the results showed that fact.
Watching Taehyung inspired Jungkook to try harder and he did, in fact, get better. He ended his first season in F2 near the front, not in the top 3 but close. He could taste a victory and he was still only a rookie.
His second year back with F2 was even better. He did start winning races. Amazingly, halfway through the season he was top of the leaderboard. For the rest of the season, he felt like he was floating. He took a few missteps along the way but not enough to jeopardize his standing.
The day he won the F2 World Championship was the best day of his life. That was, until the day after he won when he got the call that the team he was a junior driver for wanted to sign him for the next season.
He had earned his seat in Formula 1.
The seat in the car next to Taehyung.
“What’s my favorite comfort food?” Taehyung asks.
It’s about a third of the way through the season and they’re in Monaco ahead of the Grand Prix and this is their ninth and final pre-race interview of the day. Monaco is widely considered to be The—with a capital T—F1 Grand Prix. It’s the big one. The flashiest, the most acclaimed, the highest prize pot on the line, so the pressure is the highest it’s been in Jungkook’s rookie F1 season.
All of the interviews thus far have been pushing this narrative, how this is Jungkook’s first Monaco Grand Prix. “Are you feeling the pressure to perform well here?” is a question he’s been asked by every interviewer since they arrived in Monaco. If he has to hear that question one more time, his head might just explode.
Thankfully, this last interview is somewhat of a reprieve. Instead of the same, dry questions it’s one of those “How Well Do You Know Each Other?” interviews where they each have a white board and have to write down answers to questions about each other to see how much they actually know about each other. He’s glad he can focus temporarily on something else. That something else being Taehyung.
Jungkook has learned a lot about Taehyung over the past six months as his teammate. Prior to that, he thought he already knew a lot about just from watching his races and interviews but now that they essentially spend every waking moment together he knows so much more.
Taehyung is even funnier than he appears in interviews. He had essentially latched onto Jungkook the second they had met and not let go. Jungkook has mostly gotten over the shock of actually being Kim Taehyung’s friend but he still sometimes catches himself when they’re hanging out and has to remind himself that this is actually his life.
“Come on, Kook, you have to get this right,” Taehyung prompts. “What’s my favorite comfort food? We were talking about this last week.”
Jungkook looks down at his empty whiteboard. “Okay, hm… Well, you’re not really a big chips fan. You did stuff your face with popcorn at the movie theater last week…”
“If you don’t get this, I’m gonna be so disappointed with you. Marriage canceled.”
Jungkook’s heart flips but he keeps his face passive.
Taehyung had been really excited when they heard they’d be playing this game in the interview.
“Like the Newlywed Game?” he had asked when the producer handed them the whiteboards. “If we win, does that mean that we have to get married?”
“Dang, hopefully I can get a refund on those rings,” Jungkook says.
“Or you could just get it right,” Taehyung replies, snidely.
Jungkook looks up at Taehyung. He’s looking at him with an expectant, warning pout.
The problem is, he really doesn’t know. He’s almost positive it’s going to be wrong but he quickly scribbles “Korean Fried Chicken” on his board and turns it around.
Taehyung scoffs disgustedly. “You’re the worst husband ever.”
He turns around his board to show that he’s written “Panda Express”.
“Panda Express?” Jungkook almost yells. “Really? Panda Express?”"
“And now you’re judging me for my life choices. Wow, I really do want a divorce now.”
“But think about the children,” Jungkook replies dryly.
The both dissolve into a fit of giggles as Jungkook picks up the next card from the table.
“What instrument do I wish I could play?” he reads off the card.
Both of them quickly scribble on the board. Jungkook writes guitar because he really wishes that he could just pick up a guitar and play any song at any time.
They show their boards. Taehyung has written “the flute.”
“The flute?” Jungkook asks, once again affronted. “In what universe would you think I would ever say the flute?”
“What about you? Guitar? You already play the guitar!”
“Yeah, but not that well. I can only play, like, one song.”
“If you can already play the instrument, you can’t say you want to learn it.” Taehyung turns to the producers off camera. “He should be disqualified, your honor.”
Jungkook laughs.
“Okay, final question before we never speak again because we’re clearly completely incompatible,” Taehyung says as he picks up the last card on the table.
“Who would I want as a teammate if it wasn’t you?” he reads.
Jungkook writes the name of one of the other drivers on the circuit. He’s not one of the best but he’s one they both get along with pretty well.
He and Taehyung turn their boards around at the same time. Jungkook looks at Taehyung’s board and sees that he has written “No one.” He looks up into his eyes and Taehyung is staring at him intensely.
“No one, just you,” Taehyung says.
How is he still able to knock him off beat like this? He should be over this by now. He knows Taehyung is just being cute for the cameras but he still hates what it’s doing to his heart. Jungkook swallows, trying to collect himself.
“Now who’s cheating,” he says.
Taehyung smiles and raises his eyebrows. He quickly turns back to the camera.
“Well, that’s all for today, folks,” he says in his best announcer voice. “As you can see, we have some marital issues to work on. Please send us your best wishes and support.”
Jungkook laughs and turns to wave at the camera. “Bye!”
The producer calls cut and they stand up to allow the sound guy to remove their microphones.
“Panda Express? Really?” Jungkook asks Taehyung.
“You know this,” he replies, affronted. “I ask if they have one in every country we go to.”
“Yeah, hyung, I don’t think they have one in Monaco.”
“Hence why I could never live here.”
They say goodbye to the camera crew and walk outside into the little village the race sets up everywhere they travel. A few press cameras follow them as they walk and a few fans come up for selfies and autographs, which they oblige.
After a few minutes with the fans, they extricate themselves and Taehyung throws an arm over Jungkook’s shoulders as they walk the remaining short distance to the team’s area.
“Drinks tonight?” he asks close to Jungkook’s ear.
“Definitely,” he replies.
They have to separate once they reach the paddock.
The race is unfortunately a complete disaster for Jungkook. Ten laps in, his tires lock up and he skids into the gravel just off track. He rights himself but not before sliding to the back of the pack. Seokjin gives him updates in his ear of where the other cars are, including Taehyung, who gains a spot to finish fifth in the race.
Jungkook, on the other hand, ends up having to retire the car in the 18th lap due to engine failure. There’s nothing you can do on days when your car just isn’t working properly but not finishing is one of Jungkook’s least favorite feelings. He would rather come last and at least get over the finish line than retire because at least he knows he tried. But sometimes, you just can’t get what you want.
He goes back to the hotel after the race, takes a shower and considers texting Taehyung that he’s tired and just wants to go to bed but, knowing Taehyung, he probably won’t take no for an answer so he doesn’t bother.
So, instead of putting on his pajamas like he would prefer to do, he puts on a pair of jeans and an oversized black hoodie and lies down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and waiting for the knock on his door.
Jungkook can never fully explain the highs and lows F1 drivers experience. You can be on top of the world one day and then all the way down at the bottom the next. Scratch that, on top one second and at the bottom before you have time to blink. That is how fast your fortunes can change. You can be leading by ten seconds, one of the largest gaps you can expect in F1, but if your car fails or if you accidentally clip another car when lapping them, it can all be over.
The knock comes shortly after and Jungkook goes to answer it.
“Stop wallowing,” Taehyung says the second Jungkook opens the door.
“Who said I was?” Jungkook hits back. There’s a little bit too much of a bite to it.
Taehyung just looks at him with the same expression he had during the interview earlier. That same “you know I’m right. Don’t fight it” sort of look and Jungkook deflates.
“It just suucked,” Jungkook whines.
“Yup,” Taehyung says matter of factly. “And there’s nothing you can do about it except let it go and follow me.”
It’s then that Jungkook notices the brown paper bag in Taehyung’s left hand.
“Where are we going?” Jungkook asks.
Taehyung sighs and grabs his arm, dragging him out of his hotel room and down the hallway. “Will you just let me surprise you for once?”
Jungkook chuckles and allows himself to be dragged. The dragging isn’t particularly necessary. Jungkook would follow Taehyung anywhere.
It’s a gorgeous early summer night. There’s a cool breeze blowing off the Mediterranean Sea. It’s not his first time in Monaco. He raced here multiple times with Formula 2. It’s a weird place, one of the smallest yet flashiest countries in the world. It makes him feel very small seeing all of the wealth here. And after such a disastrous race, his insecurities are at an all-time high.
Taehyung seems to sense that Jungkook needs a distraction as he walks them away from their hotel and down the street so he chatters nonstop about the K drama he’s currently watching, insisting that Jungkook needs to watch it too. From there he moves on to what he wants to do when they get home, how he needs japchae the second they land after all of this heavy European food.
Jungkook just listens, letting himself focus on the distraction Taehyung is affording him and he feels his muscles loosening as they walk. They walk for about ten minutes. A few times, Jungkook considers interrupting Taehyung to ask if he has a destination in mind but decides against it. Finally, Taehyung steers them to the right, toward the water and a small beach appears in the distance.
Taehyung has brought him to the sea.
He leads him onto the sand and they sit down at the edge of the water. This is European sand so it’s coarse, mostly small pebbles instead of grains of sand. Nonetheless, Jungkook picks up a handful and lets it fall back to earth, loving the feel of it seeping through his fingers.
He hears the paper bag rustling beside him and looks at Taehyung to discover that he’s pulled a full bottle of wine with a screw top out of the bag.
“I thought this would be better than a bar,” he says upon seeing Jungkook watching him.
It is better than a bar. Jungkook would rather hang out with Taehyung on a beach drinking wine out of the bottle anytime over hanging out at a noisy bar with anyone else.
Taehyung unscrews the top of the bottle, takes a swig and then hands it to Jungkook. It’s sweeter than Jungkook would normally go for but Jungkook knows that Taehyung’s taste in alcohol is narrow. Still better than being anywhere else, though.
“What is your next tattoo going to be?”
Jungkook had gotten his first tattoo a few years ago after he completed his first season in F2 and then he hadn’t really stopped. He now has nearly a full sleeve on his right arm. He pushes the sleeve of his hoodie up and stares down at his arm.
“I don’t know. I was thinking about getting my birth flower on my shoulder but I haven’t gotten around to scheduling the appointment yet.”
“Do they do temporary tattoos at your shop?” Taehyung says.
“Why?" Jungkook laughs. "Don't want a real one?"
Jungkook takes another swig from the bottle Taehyung hands to him.
“No, I just want something pretty and temporary. I don’t think I have the patience for a real one. Also, knowing me, I’d end up getting something I hated after six months.”
They both laugh and Jungkook hands the bottle back to Taehyung. It’s something Jungkook learned quickly about Taehyung after meeting him. He cares deeply about everything he does but he’s slightly flighty, moving from one passion to the next. His most consistent passions, as far as Jungkook knows, are jazz, art, F1 and his dog Yeontan, not necessarily in that order.
“Didn’t you bet Seokjin-hyung that you’d get his face tattooed on your calf if you win the championship?”
“Fuck no. He has to get my face tattooed if I win the championship.” Taehyung takes another drink. “Probably shows you how much confidence he has in me that I can actually do it.”
Jungkook takes the bottle back from him and pauses, studying the label as he thinks of what to say next.
“Does it bother you… that we really have no chance? That we’re stuck where we are because our sponsors aren’t as good?”
It’s another unfortunate part of the Formula races that it is anything but a purely skill-based sport. In no way is it a level playing field. As a top F1 driver had once said, cash is king and the teams with the most money had a steep advantage over the teams with less money because they were able to produce better cars. As a result of that, only a few teams actually competed for the championships. The others completed to land as far up on the leaderboard as possible. “The best of the rest” as it was called.
The team they drive for is in that second group, on the higher end of the middle pack. Meaning that a good driver in one of their cars still has a shot at ending up on the podium in the top three but it was definitely harder for them than a driver of the same caliber in one of the top teams’ cars.
“Of course it does,” Taehyung replies. He’s watching Jungkook now. “That feeling of wanting to prove to the world and to yourself what you know is true. That if you were just given a real shot, you could be one of the greats. But this sport isn’t fair. Never has been, never will be.”
It’s something that had drawn Jungkook in about Taehyung when he was just a fan. Even then, Taehyung had taught him to fight. He’s always made the most of what he has to work with and Jungkook feels motivated by that example. He wants to always try, no matter how stacked the odds are.
Jungkook finally takes another drink.
“Does it get any easier?” he asks as he lowers the bottle from his lips and passes it back to Taehyung.
Taehyung considers that for a moment. “I think you learn to focus on the things you can control and focus on the people you can beat. And every time I beat one of the top guys in a race, I take that for what it is. But it definitely never goes away. It’s those moments when a driver from a top team comes from behind and passes you on the outside purely for the fact that he has stronger horsepower than you. Those fucking hurt.”
Jungkook nods.
“But really, I try to just remind myself that I’m doing my best with the things I can control. And that race today? That wasn’t something that you could control.”
Jungkook looks at the bottle he’s offering and accepts it.
“Shoulda gone into soccer like my mom wanted me to.”
Taehyung laughs. “Shoulda been a farmer like my mom wanted me to.”
That surprises Jungkook. “A farmer? Really?”
“Yeah, my family had a farm growing up, still does.”
It’s the first he’s ever heard about that. It’s hard to imagine Taehyung as a farmer. The Taehyung he knows loves designer clothes and fancy parties.
“My siblings and I used to help out on the farm during our summer holiday,” Taehyung continues.
“But where did your family get the money to get you into driving?”
The sport is probably one of the most expensive to pursue. Even karts cost thousands of dollars.
“My grandparents were rich. My mom’s parents. But she married for love.”
“Did her parents disown her?” Jungkook asks.
“No,” Taehyung laughs fondly. “They were supportive, thankfully. And I had a good relationship with my grandparents, particularly my grandfather. He took me under his wing and got me into racing.”
Taehyung takes the bottle from Jungkook and takes another swig, looking out to the sea. Jungkook follows his gaze. It really is a gorgeous night. Quiet and clear. Calming.
“My mom hates that I drive,” Taehyung finally says.
“Yeah, mine too,” Jungkook agrees.
All mothers hate watching their sons in formula racing. It’s just too dangerous.
“Does she come to watch your races?”
“No, as far as I know she doesn’t even watch them on TV,” Taehyung responds. “My dad does but he told me once that my mom tends to go work on the crops during my races because she can’t handle the stress.”
It’s the first time Jungkook has really, properly, considered the pressure his family must be under because of his career. He feels a bit bad that he’s taken him this long to think about it. But, they’ve always been so supportive so he’s never had to think about how hard it must be for them every time he gets into a car.
They sit and drink, staring out at the sea in silence for a while. It’s a comfortable silence though, one of those silences where no one feels the need to speak because there’s comfort in just being quiet with another person.
Finally, when about three quarters of the bottle is gone, Taehyung speaks again.
“Are you feeling better?” he asks quietly.
Jungkook takes a second to check in with himself. He does feel better. The stress and disappointment of the day has retreated into the fuzzy warmth brought on by the alcohol, the breeze and Taehyung’s company.
“I think I am,” Jungkook says. And he really means it. He feels good. Sleepy but not but not in a drained kind of way. More that kind of sleepy where you can imagine you’ll pass out the second your head hits the pillow and wake up fully refreshed.
“Good,” Taehyung smiles at him. “Do you want to head back?”
“Yeah, we can do that.”
Taehyung makes a move to push himself to a standing position but Jungkook, operating on instinct and maybe a little bit of a buzz, reaches out to stop him.
“Actually—” he begins.
Taehyung stops, allowing himself to be pulled back down into a sitting position, and turns to Jungkook.
“I just… I just have to thank you.”
Taehyung smiles warmly at him. Jungkook loves Taehyung’s smile. It makes him look younger. Cuter. Jungkook takes a deep breath and continues.
“You’ve been so nice and so helpful to me. I really can’t imagine going through this without you and I just…never would’ve imagined I would…get so lucky.”
“I’m happy to help, Kook,” Taehyung responds. “I don’t know how anyone could treat you any differently. You’ve got those big doe eyes and it would have gone completely against my nature to not protect.”
He says it lightly but he’s watching Jungkook, like he knows Jungkook isn’t finished.
Maybe it’s that look plus that alcohol that’s directing him but he decides that he needs to get this out.
“No, but, it’s just, you need to know…” he stutters but he can’t stop himself. “You were…sort of my inspiration before I met you.”
Taehyung’s face lights up. “Really?”
“Yeah, I was like…a really big fan.” Jungkook can feel his face getting hot. Why is he saying all of this? He’s going to be mortified when he looks back on this tomorrow. “You were just— I just— It felt like maybe I could be you one day because we’re from the same place and have similar backgrounds and all that. And you’re only a couple of years older so I guess I just thought, watching you, that maybe it wasn’t such a far fetched dream.”
Taehyung is looking at him intently. He doesn’t say anything so Jungkook continues.
“And then I met you and you were just…so nice to me. And I just never would’ve imagined that. Everyone had always warned me that being on the tour was really lonely and isolating because no one was ever truly your friend. Too many enemies and not enough friends. But…you are. A friend, I mean.”
Taehyung laughs. “Of course I am, Kook.”
Jungkook smiles. “Thanks.”
“Of course. And…” It's Taehyung’s turn to pause for a second. “I guess I just want to say thank you too.”
Jungkook is surprised. He wasn’t expecting that.
“You’ve made this year so much more fun than any other year.”
“Really?” He knows he’s mirroring him now but he can’t help it.
Taehyung laughs and shoves Jungkook’s shoulder lightly. “Yeah. I wanted to have a friend too, dummy.”
Jungkook laughs too. “Glad we’re in agreement.”
It feels like the temperature has dropped a few degrees in the last few minutes. Jungkook’s about to ask if they should get going but Taehyung speaks first.
“I knew it, you know.”
Taehyung is staring at him with narrowed eyes and a small smirk.
“What?”
“I knew you were a fan.”
Jungkook groans.
“I mean, to be fair, I did tell you that the first day we met.”
“No, I mean years ago. When you had just started in F2.”
Jungkook’s heart sinks. That day when Taehyung passed him in the village. When Jungkook had stared slack-jawed and Taehyung had said hi to him.
“You remember that?”
“Of course I remember that. You were so cute! Your eyes took up like half your face at that point. And you were standing staring at me for a good minute and a half. It wasn’t rocket science to figure out you were a fan.”
Jungkook groans and lies back in the sand. He considers burying himself to escape this conversation. “I was starstruck. So sue me!”
Then Taehyung leans over him and begins tickling his stomach. Jungkook laughs and tries to push him off but Taehyung has the upper hand.
“You were the cutest little baby F2 driver ever.”
“Stop!” Jungkook says, laughing so hard that it is hard to breathe.
“Those cute, big baby cheeks,” Taehyung says, still tickling him but losing some focus because of how hard he’s laughing too.
“Oh my god, make it stop,” Jungkook manages to get out between laughs.
And then Jungkook rolls to try to escape the attack but Taehyung is still attached to him so he ends up coming along with him, rolling over Jungkook’s body until his back is flat on the sand and Jungkook is awkwardly hovering over him. Taehyung gives up the attack, looking as surprised as Jungkook feels that they’ve ended up in this position, with Jungkook perched over Taehyung.
Looking at Taehyung like that, Jungkook forgets who they are for a moment. That isn’t his teenage crush, worldwide superstar F1 driver Kim Taehyung. He’s just Jungkook’s friend Taehyung and Jungkook is just himself, a boy with the biggest crush on another boy whose face is now inches away from his.
It would be so easy to lean down and kiss him.
If only that was something Taehyung wanted.
They stare at each other for a beat more and Jungkook is sure Taehyung must be able to read his feelings clearly on his face. But, before he can have any more completely out of line thoughts, Taehyung reaches up and squishes his cheeks with both hands.
“And you’re still so cuuuute,” he says in a cloying baby voice.
“Stooooooppp,” Jungkook whines.
He laughs and rolls off of him so that they’re lying side by side in the sand looking up at the stars.
There’s a beat of silence and then Taehyung says, “Hey Kook?"
“Yeah?”
“Can we go back to the hotel? I’m freezing my ass off.”
Jungkook laughs and pushes himself quickly to a standing position. He leans down and pulls Taehyung up. He’s no help, making Jungkook do all of the work, but quickly they’re both upright and brushing off their clothes to remove the sand that clings to them. Taehyung screws the cap back on the bottle of the mostly empty bottle of wine and puts it back in the paper bag, holding it clenched around the neck of the bottle to make sure it doesn’t spill.
They part when they get off the elevator at the hotel.
Jungkook does end up crashing almost immediately after his head hits the pillow.
His last thought before he drifts off is that maybe it wasn’t such a bad day after all.
Taehyung was right. It does get easier over time to let the errors go. He gets more comfortable and confident as the season progresses and as a direct result, his finishes become better and better.
He gets his first podium about a month after Monaco. Third place feels like first as he looks down at the cheering fans and support staff. The champagne fight is fun but he wants to get down to hug Taehyung. And he’s waiting for him the second he gets off the podium. He gives him a massive hug and then dumps a full jug of water on his head as Jungkook tries to bat him away.
“What? I’m trying to help!” Taehyung complains. “Just thought you might be sticky from all that champagne.”
And then he does hug him, drenching Taehyung too as they both laugh.
When they get back to the hotel, Jungkook is dragged immediately to the hotel bar by a few guys from their pit team for celebratory drinks. Even Seokjin makes an appearance, sitting at a table near the corner and turning down all encouragements for him to join the party. Jungkook thinks he sees him talking to one of the managers from a different team at one point but then Jungkook loses track of him and he’s forced to take yet another unwanted shot pushed his way by one of the crew.
As the night progresses, Jungkook becomes less and less of the focus. Sporadically, someone will try to get him to take another shot but it becomes easier to turn them down as their attention drifts. He doesn’t want to get drunk, no matter how much his crew might want him to. He also is not able to ignore the fact that Taehyung isn’t there.
Where is he? He’s really the only person he wants to celebrate with and he’s not here. He could have understood if Taehyung wanted to shower and change when they got back but it’s been over an hour and Taehyung still hasn’t materialized. He pulls out his phone, maybe to check if Taehyung has texted. He has dozens of texts and phone calls congratulating him on the podium finish but none from Taehyung.
He dodges a crew member and looks toward the corner where he last saw Seokjin sitting but his table is empty. And still no appearance from Taehyung. The crew members seem sufficiently distracted so Jungkook decides it’s probably his chance to make a break for it.
He pulls out his phone again while waiting for the elevator. He even opens up a text with Taehyung and stares at the blank text box. What would he say?
Where are you? Why weren’t you there?
Jungkook can’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t sound delusional or rude so he puts his phone away without texting anything.
As he reaches his floor, he’s reached full sulk mode. He’s a little drunk and a lot sad that Taehyung didn’t come to celebrate. He guesses he shouldn’t have expected it because even if he got on the podium, Taehyung didn’t. It’s not his win to celebrate. But he still hates it.
He digs into his pocket as he reaches his door only to find it empty. No key. He searches his other pocket but only finds his phone and wallet. He thumbs through his wallet, hoping that his former self would’ve thought that was a safe place to keep the key but still finds nothing. Finally, he leans his head against the door, banging it lightly once, twice, three times and sighs. He doesn’t want to go back downstairs to get a new key. He wants a shower and to sleep.
“No! Not yet!”
Jungkook looks up. The voice is coming from inside his room. He looks at the room number. Is he at the wrong door? He doesn’t think so…
“Go away!” the voice says.
Even muffled through a thick door, it’s then that Jungkook recognizes the voice.
“Taehyung?”
“Who? I don’t know anyone by that name,” the voice says defiantly.
It’s definitely Taehyung.
“How did you get my key?” Jungkook asks through the door.
Silence.
“Taehyung?”
“I have my ways,” he replies darkly.
Jungkook laughs.
“Please can I come in? I think I might get alcohol poisoning if I go back to the bar. They won’t stop forcing drinks on me.”
Another pause.
“Please?” Jungkook says finally after a few seconds of silence.
“Ugh fine but I really could’ve used five more minutes.”
The reluctance in Taehyung’s voice is evident but he nevertheless opens the door a few seconds later.
The second he does, Jungkook is met immediately by his own face. Taehyung has taped a photo of a baby photo of Jungkook holding a toy car toward the camera on what looks like a popsicle stick and is holding it in front of his own face as a greeting. He has also taped a paper cutout crown on top of the photo.
“What?” Jungkook asks.
Jungkook tries to walk into the room but Taehyung holds a hand to his chest stopping his advance.
“King Jungkook,” Taehyung begins in his best historical drama warrior voice. “Your years of hard work have paid off and your people commend you. Please join us on a tour of the battles you fought along the way.”
“Tae…”
Taehyung bows and finally lets Jungkook walk into the room. Before he gets too far, however, Taehyung’s hands clasp his shoulders from behind maneuvering him. Jungkook glimpses around the room and sees scattered photos of himself but before he can really focus on any, Taehyung steers him toward the desk.
Propped up on the desk is a photo of five-year-old Jungkook in his first kart. He’s all big eyes and big nose but he’s smiling and excited.
“How…?” Jungkook asks.
“Seokjin gave me your mom’s email,” Taehyung says.
She must have loved that. The only person with a bigger crush on Taehyung than Jungkook is his mom.
“You were born for greatness…” Taehyung turns him next to the television, where another photo, this one from when he won the karting championship, is taped. He still looks far too young in that photo but his smile is blinding as he holds his trophy out to the camera. “...and have many more years of greatness to come.”
Next, he leads him to the window, where there is a photo of his first day in Formula 2.
“While the road was never easy…”
On the bedside table, is a photo from when he won the F2 championship.
“...the journey has been worth the effort.”
Propped up on his pillows is a photo from the day when he signed his contract to join F1. He’s shaking hands with Seokjin and is smiling widely.
“You have many more battles to come but you are more than on your way to greatness.”
Taehyung finishes his speech by turning Jungkook to the wall parallel to his bed. On the mirror is a blank 8.5x11 white sheet of paper, on which Taehyung has drawn a rough sketch of a stick figure with eyes that take up 3/4ths of its face. The figure is standing on what’s clearly the 3rd place podium but it’s also about four times the size of the other two figures who are on the first and second place podiums.
Jungkook laughs. “What’s this?”
“An accurate depiction of today’s events,” Taehyung says.
When Jungkook looks at him questioningly, he adds, “There wasn’t time to print out a photo from today.”
Jungkook laughs again. Taehyung finally releases his shoulders and he sways slightly. His head feels light and buzzy and he doesn’t think it’s because of the alcohol.
“I can’t believe you did all of this,” he says, turning to look back around the room.
“I mean, I paid one of the assistants to do the printing but…” Taehyung looks around. “Yeah.”
Jungkook smiles and goes to pick up the photo of him and Seokjin that Taehyung had left on his pillow.
“Also, your mom gave me so many more baby photos. I now have all the blackmail I need if you ever cross me.”
Jungkook groans and covers his face with an arm.
“I was about to say thank you but I should’ve known there was an ulterior motive,” he says.
“Always,” Taehyung replies.
Jungkook chuckles as Taehyung maintains a straight, devious face.
Then they both fall silent. Jungkook isn’t sure what to say. Now they’re just standing alone in Jungkook’s hotel room late at night and Jungkook is trying to not think about how much he would really love to invite Taehyung to stay.
“Did you tell the crew to get me drunk so you could decorate my room?” he asks.
“I told them to distract you,” Taehyung replies quietly.
“They didn’t do a very good job,” Jungkook mumbles.
“We’re going to have to have a meeting about job performance tomorrow,” Taehyung says with a sinister twinge.
“Thanks, hyung.”
“Of course,” Taehyung replies.
Then, he reaches out and taps the bottom of Jungkook’s chin.
Jungkook wants to say more. Should he say more? If he did say more, what would he say? He’s already said a lot. Any more would almost definitely let the whole cat out of the bag. But as Jungkook stands there looking at him and around the room and everything Taehyung did for him, he almost begins to wonder how Taehyung would respond.
Is there a chance that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for it all to be out there?
But then his body deceives him and he yawns.
“I should get going,” Taehyung says quickly.
Jungkook tries to stifle yet another yawn. He is once again unsuccessful. Traitor. But ultimately, it probably is for the best. He shouldn’t be impulsive.
“Thanks again, hyung,” Jungkook says. “It really means a lot.”
“No problem,” Taehyung says. “I’m really happy for you. But don’t think this means I’m not gonna challenge you.”
The last sentence takes on a joking warning tone.
“You better,” Jungkook replies. “It’s never fun when it’s easy.”
“That’s right,” Taehyung says and then turns to leave. “Good night, Jungkookie!”
“Night, hyung,” Jungkook says, holding the door open behind him. He watches him walk down the hallway to his room and only closes the door when he turns the corner, thinking that maybe that was his chance after all.
It’s like the podium lights a fire under Jungkook. In the next few races, he doesn’t put a foot wrong and continuously places toward the front of the pack. He knows people are talking about him, how he has a bright future ahead of him.
“Jungkook, do the top teams have you on speed dial at this point?” a reporter asks after one race.
Because that’s the other component to Jungkook’s success. No one expects someone performing at the level he is in a mid-tier car to stay with a team that can only give them so much. They expect him to move to a team with a car that can actually win championships.
“You know, I’m just really focusing on this season, on doing the best that I can and that we can do as a team—” he gestures to Taehyung, who is sitting silently next to him in the press conference— “because I’m really committed to making this the best season it can be.”
He peers again at Taehyung out of the corner of his eye but Taehyung isn’t making eye contact. He is staring straight ahead at what looks like the blank space over the reports’ heads. Jungkook knows this can’t be easy for him.
Because, where Jungkook has found success, Taehyung has only found disappointment. The last handful of races have been all but a disaster for Taehyung. He’s been inconsistent, both for reasons that are out of his control and for some that appear like they probably could have been.
Taehyung isn’t talking to Jungkook about it and Jungkook frankly isn’t sure how he should act around him. He wants to be there for him but it’s probably the last thing Taehyung wants to be consoled by someone who keeps beating him. Someone who he should be matching in success but just can’t seem to catch.
More often than not, Taehyung chooses to go to sleep after a race. They’re also not texting as much between races.
The reality is that the top teams are calling Jungkook. More than the top teams, the other mid tier teams are seeking him out as well. They’re finding him after podiums for “casual” conversations that always end with some form of “So, what are you thinking for next year?”
Jungkook is as cagey with them as he is with reporters but he knows that he’s already made his decision. He doesn’t want to leave the team yet. It hasn’t even been a year. He knows it would be hard to turn down a top team and he’s almost hoping that a true offer from one of them doesn’t come but he’s just not ready to move on yet. He still wants to see what he can achieve here.
He tries to tell himself that’s all it is but there’s a small voice in the back of his head that is also saying that he’s just not ready to leave Taehyung.
The same reporter who just spoke to Jungkook asks the next question as well. “And, finally, Taehyung, the race was a bit of a disaster for you. How does it feel to do so poorly while your teammate is doing so well?”
Jungkook feels a flash of anger. He looks toward the reporter, whose face is stoic. Clearly, he doesn’t see or care how rude he’s being. Reporters like to treat them like they’re robots. Like they have a right to twist the knife when they’re down and the drivers won’t feel any pain because of it. Jungkook knows from experience that sometimes the worst part about losing is knowing that you’ll have to go explain it to a sea of cameras afterward.
He looks at Taehyung, whose face is hard and unreadable. Jungkook wishes he could help, that he could cut in to deflect attention. Or maybe that he could just punch that reporter.
Taehyung speaks before Jungkook has a chance. “Days like today are hard. I wish I could’ve gotten some points to help the team out but it’s great for all of us that Jungkook is doing well.”
It sounds hollow. He’s just speaking from a script. Saying the bare minimum to get out of this room alive.
Jungkook would guess that about 70% of what they do is mental. If he’s confident, he drives confidently and really owns his space on the track. If he’s unconfident or frustrated, it pushes him to take more chances and tends to lead to poorer results. Those that can handle the pressure tend to do better but no one can perform well under the pressure that Taehyung is.
Because a narrative is forming, that while Jungkook is the future of the sport, Taehyung is losing his touch. He knows there are even whispers of the team dropping Taehyung. Jungkook doesn’t think Seokjin would do that but if the sponsors push for it, he knows he’ll have no choice. Publicly and privately, Jungkook knows Seokjin is standing up for Taehyung. Everyone hits occasionally rough patches.
Jungkook wants to be there for Taehyung, like he’s always been for him but he can’t help but notice Taehyung pulling away. After they finish the interview, Jungkook asks Taehyung if he wants to grab dinner but Taehyung says that he’s exhausted and just wants to go to sleep.
Jungkook considers pushing. It’s what Taehyung would have done—has done— for him in the past but Jungkook can’t get past the untouchable look in Taehyung’s eye. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to stand an actual rejection if he pushed harder.
It only gets worse from there. They talk less and less as the weeks go on. Taehyung manages to find moments of success but they’re few and far between compared to his failures.
One night, Jungkook gets back to his hotel room and stands by the door, still dressed with his key in hand weighing if he should barge into Taehyung’s hotel room and force him to talk to him.
But the fear is too strong. He’s not brave. He doesn’t try. He gives up and lets Taehyung withdraw further.
He focuses instead on the racing and it pays off. He gets his first first-place finish in Belgium. Standing on the tallest podium and spraying the second and third place finishers with champagne as a whole crowd of people cheers beneath him is the best thing in the world.
Taehyung is nowhere to be found when he gets back to their holding area.
Jungkook is surging in the championship rankings. He’s fourth behind the top three finishers, the expected top three whose cars are expected to win races. Taehyung is ranked 11th. It’s a far drop from where the drivers for their team normally are.
Much like they are in the rankings, the personal distance between them just gets worse after that.
It is standard practice that team management will prioritize helping the driver who has the best shot at the championship. Early in the season, Seokjin had come on the radio a few times to tell Jungkook to yield his place in the race to Taehyung because they believed Taehyung had a better shot at challenging the top cars in the race.
It always stung but Jungkook understood and was willing to be a good teammate for Taehyung because he is the rookie after all.
But then, in Japan, for the first time, Seokjin tells Taehyung to yield his position to Jungkook. It was the first time Taehyung had qualified at the top of the pack in months. He started third and had a real shot at the win. Jungkook, on the other hand, had had a lockup during qualies and started ninth, his worst start in a while.
By the halfway point of the race, Taehyung has lost a place and Jungkook has clawed his way up so that they’re now back to back, Taehyung in fourth and Jungkook in fifth and Jungkook is gaining on him.
Finally, Seokjin’s voice comes on the walkie and calmly says, “Okay, Jungkook, Taehyung will yield his place to you so pass around the next turn.”
Jungkook knows that this means that Taehyung must have just gotten the instruction in his own walkie. He must be fuming. This was the first chance he had in a while and he’s being asked to give it up so that Jungkook can place ahead of him.
Jungkook feels bad but knows that he has to follow the instructions so he goes to the inside of Taehyung, knowing that he’s supposed to move out wide to let Jungkook pass him on the inside around the turn.
But Taehyung doesn’t move out of his way. They’re almost wheel to wheel at this point. If Jungkook pushes it any further, they’ll crash into each other.
He backs off the accelerator slightly and calls Seokjin on the radio. “He’s not letting me through!”
“Copy that, Jungkook. We see it. Standby.”
The line goes silent for a few seconds.
“Okay, overtake now, Kook,” Seokjin says shortly after.
And sure enough, Jungkook sees Taehyung moving out wide, leaving him a space on the inside. Jungkook speeds past him.
In the end, he finishes in third again.
As he pulls into the paddock, Taehyung is pulling in behind him. He finished fifth, a good finish but Jungkook can tell he’s furious.
Jungkook stays in his car for a few beats more, not wanting to face him, as Taehyung gets out of the car and rips off his helmet. He sees Seokjin trailing after him as he storms into the back office.
Jungkook finally gets out of the car to congratulations from the pit crew in the form of muted slaps on his back and helmet. Everyone knows what’s happening and is clearly feeling the heat of it. It’s not uncommon in the sport for drivers to lose their cool in the paddock but it is uncommon for their team and Jungkook can tell none of them know how to act.
Jungkook just feels deflated. He hates that this is where they are and that it could have gone this wrong so quickly.
He almost wishes this could have been how it was from the start. It would have hurt for his hero to be mean to him right when they met but it would have hurt a lot less than it does now when Jungkook is mourning what feels like the loss of a friend.
Seokjin emerges from the back office without Taehyung in tow. He comes and hugs Jungkook but it’s a halfhearted hug on both sides. It’s a win but at what cost?
From there, he and Taehyung have almost no interaction beyond the mandatory time they have to spend in interviews. But those aren’t what they used to be either. Their media team rejects the fun interview options— Jungkook doesn’t know if it’s because Taehyung told them to or if they’re just reading the mood— and the interviews they do have together are dry and formal, no matter how much the journalists try to push them to bring the old spark out that they used to have.
And then the news comes.
Jungkook finds out when the rest of the world does. He’s on his way to the track ahead of the qualifier round for the Mexico Grand Prix when he tunes the radio to the F1 channel and hears the news.
“Breaking news: Formula 1 driver Kim Taehyung is making a change. Kim has decided to not renew his contract and will instead start next year…”
Jungkook tunes out the rest of the broadcast. He doesn’t want to hear anymore. Taehyung is leaving the team. He’s leaving him. Two weeks ago, Jungkook had re-signed for another two years with the team. He hadn’t done it because of Taehyung but no matter how bad things were currently between them he would be lying if he hadn’t been thinking of him as he re-signed, hopeful that they could find their way back to where they had been.
But now Taehyung is going to another team and he hadn’t even felt the need to give Jungkook a heads up.
He arrives at the track and parks in a daze. He feels numb. How did it all go so wrong so quickly?
As he enters the track area, he is immediately approached by reporters and a few fans. He ignores the reporters' questions— most of them are about Taehyung leaving— but complies with the fans' requests, forcing himself to smile as he takes selfies and signs hats. It’s not the fans fault that Taehyung just tore his heart to pieces.
When he makes it to the team area, Seokjin is outside, speaking with one of his assistants. He cuts the conversation off as he sees Jungkook approaching.
“Jungkook,” he says sternly, beckoning for him to follow him into his office.
Neither of them says a word until they’re seated across from each other.
“So, you’ve heard,” Seokjin begins.
Jungkook huffs and nods.
“I’m sorry. He only told us this morning. I’m as pissed at him as you are, I promise you.”
Unlikely , Jungkook thinks. Or maybe that is accurate. Jungkook is hurt more than anything else.
“This doesn’t change anything for you, though,” Seokjin continues. “You are now firmly our number one driver. It’s deserved. You should be proud. I promise we’ll find you a teammate who can help you win championships.”
“Thanks,” Jungkook hears himself say.
He knows Seokjin is trying to put a brave face on this, trying to raise Jungkook’s spirits ahead of the race this weekend. Seokjin tells him about a few drivers they’ve been in contact with to potentially replace Taehyung but he’s barely listening.
It doesn’t matter who they choose. Jungkook is firmly on his own now.