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“Do you ever think about what we’d be like if it weren’t for this?”
He can barely hear your mumbled question as you turn over. The stream of moonlight peeking behind the shutters highlighted your silhouettes.
“This…end of the world thing I mean.” You’d turned now to nestle closer to him, an arm wrapped around his torso as you both lay under the covers.
A grumbled “mmm” is his only response. It’s late by now, even without checking the time you could tell by the stillness in the air. Even the crickets had gone to bed. You couldn’t sleep though and you knew Daryl was never truly asleep until you were.
“Sometimes I-“ you trailed off as you listened to the steady thump of his heart with your head against his chest. “I just wonder what we’d be like. What we’d have.” His silence was comfortable. Contemplative as he waited for you to continue your whispered reverie.
“I like to think we’d live someplace just like this. Kids and animals playing in the yard. Rick and Michonne would be there. Maggie and Glenn too.” He couldn’t say he’d never thought about it. He had too many times in fact. Holding Judith and the memories of Beth ignited a side of him he never knew he had, one he assumed had been buried under the hardships of his past.
Daryl never wanted to be like his father, nor put a child through what he had. Not to say he’d ever put a child through that, but the fear ran deep through his veins. The off chance that even by accident, he’d see that familiar face in the mirror, scared him to his core.
It didn’t stop him from dreaming though. That if things were better, hell even if you could manage it in this world, that one day he might see that brilliant smile you give him turned toward a bundle in your arms. That he might see a mop of brown hair with its mama’s eyes running through the grass. The thought of hearing its squeal of delight as he slings the little one on his back makes his heart ache. In another world maybe.
He often wondered if that was his punishment. Something he didn’t even know he needed, so out of reach. Before he could talk himself down a spiral he realized you were still going.
“No walls though, we wouldn’t need ‘em. You can keep your guns though, you look really good with ‘em.” You could feel him chuckle under you and you couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe we could go hunting or something. I just can’t picture you not in the wilderness or working with your hands.”
“Yeah, yeah.” His voice was heavy with sleep but he brought a hand up to caress your hair, fingers looping around individual strands before smoothing them back down mindlessly. It was a minute before he spoke again, the only sound in the darkness was the gentle breathing between you both. “You know, I’d protect you with my life right? From anything.”
It was such a quiet statement in the dark. Your heart lept and you briefly wondered if he could feel it. Love somehow didn’t seem like a big enough word to describe how you felt for him. It was so much more, and yet, it was perfect. You sighed and nestled closer, a gentle smile still present among your features. “I know.”
And you did, you trusted him with every fiber of your being, and he trusted you. He felt a sense of fulfillment in you knowing you could rely on him for anything in the world. And you hoped that you could provide even a fraction of that for him. You hoped with every bone in your body that you could make him feel home. The gentle weight of his stubbled cheek resting against your head and his words of devotion hanging in the air let you finally drift off to sleep, and in turn, him as well.