Chapter Text
If anyone were to ask each participant in the most recent game of pall mall at Aubrey Hall how the game had gone, each would have given a different answer.
Daphne Bassett, the Duchess of Hastings (formerly Miss Daphne Bridgerton), would have said the game was an overwhelming success. Then again, she had been the victor. She would have also said the game was intriguing, though for what reason it was intriguing, she would remain vague.
Colin Bridgerton would have said the game was entertaining. He, too, would remain vague as to what it was exactly he found so entertaining, but he would give anyone who asked a look as if they should just know .
Benedict Bridgerton would have said the game was entertaining, as well as a welcome distraction while he waited to hear back from the academy. But it wasn’t distracting enough and it threw off his game.
Eloise Bridgerton would have said the game was a learning experience. Every year she let her determination to beat her elder brothers get the best of her and she slipped and made mistakes. But she watched their technique closely this time and she was determined she would beat them next time they played.
Kate Sharma would have said the game was exciting, invigorating, and unexpected. Exciting because she fell into a natural camaraderie with the other Bridgertons that she had yet to experience during her entire stay in London. Invigorating because she was besting the viscount at this game he had played more than she and her competitive nature was delighting in the frustrated growls he kept trying to smother. Unexpected because she never thought it possible that she and the viscount would ever laugh over the same thing. Hell, she had been surprised that he could laugh. It was the most genuine show of emotion she had ever seen from him. But then his eyes darkened at some point over her shoulder-his father’s grave, as she found out-and the serious viscount was back; barely saying anything to her as he stormed off back to the house.
Anthony Bridgerton would have said the game was distracting and unexpected. Distracting because he didn’t have the Mallet of Death, he had to check his behaviour since his intended was also playing, and Kate Sharma was infuriatingly good at this game for one who had never played before. Unexpected because he had found himself laughing with the elder Miss Sharma. Laughing and covered in mud . He couldn’t help himself. The situation was just so ridiculous! But then he saw the bench he knew was near his father’s grave and his mind shut down.
Edwina Sharma would have said the game was unexpected, disheartening, awkward, and disappointing. She was not as athletic as her sister was. The most exercise Edwina did was promenading in the park or dancing around the ballroom. She knew she would be terrible and she was right, but she had started out the game with high hopes. She was determined it would be a pleasant time spent with who might be her future in-laws.
Edwina had not expected the exuberance or the bloodthirstiness of the Bridgertons. She should have expected her sister to get caught up in all of the excitement. But Edwina couldn’t let herself get caught up in the same way. She was here to conduct herself with grace and elegance and prove she would make a worthy viscountess.
It was disheartening because she didn’t have the instant chemistry with the other Bridgertons that seemed to come so naturally to Kate. Each of them cheered when she bested the viscount or laughed when she said something witty. None of them had been anything like that with Edwina. Oh, none of them were rude to her. They were all so very nice and polite. There was Benedict with a reminder of “Miss Edwina, it’s your turn,” and Colin with a polite “That shot is difficult for even the most seasoned of players,” when she failed to get her ball through a wicket that everyone else had sailed through with perfect ease.
Eloise would nod sympathetically and tell her “Better luck next time.”
Daphne would assure her constantly that her brothers were “usually much better behaved than this.”
Lord Bridgerton would give her pointers on where to hold her mallet, how hard she should tap the ball, and in which direction she should try to send it. Nobody complained that his help might be considered cheating. There wasn’t enough coaching in the world that would make Edwina successful at pall mall.
The game was awkward because of the clapping . Everybody else’s turns were so… lively . It didn’t matter if they were successful or not. Each play was met with hoots, hollers, banter, cheers, jumping around and screaming, groans, boos, and the occasional accusation of cheating. But each time Edwina had her turn, she would turn around to look at the Bridgertons and they were all smiling and clapping politely. There were no cheers or jeers. Nobody said anything until the next player took their turn. Then all of that excited energy came back in full force.
Even Lord Bridgerton telling her things like “not to worry, Miss Edwina. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it,” was starting to feel rather patronizing.
It was disappointing because she had been so determined to try at the game and really bond with the people she might soon call her family, but everyone was just looking at her when she was offered to either keep playing or bow out while she was behind. Edwina chose to bow out.
Later, when the game had ended, Edwina was in the library looking for a book when she heard some of the Bridgertons in the corridor. She wouldn’t be seen by them, where she was standing, but one couldn’t be too careful. Edwina took the book she had been skimming through and hid behind the door. She still needed some time to collect her thoughts after that disastrous game of pall mall. Maybe she wouldn’t win over her future in-laws over a lawn game, but she was determined to get to know each of them during this country visit and win them over in other ways.
Eavesdropping was not precisely proper behavior for a diamond, but these were desperate times and she needed an edge if she was to succeed.
“...believe Daphne won again ,” Eloise was complaining. “She is going to be unbearable at dinner tonight, you know.”
“Oh, I’m well aware,” Colin agreed. “It was still a rather enjoyable game, was it not?” It seemed as though they all paused just outside of the library. Perfect! Edwina would be able to hear all that they have to say. Maybe they would allude to her and Anthony. More importantly, maybe they would allude to when Edwina might finally expect a proposal. She’s been practicing her surprised face in the mirror whenever she’s been alone. It’s quite a good face if Edwina said so herself. In another life, she could have been an actress on the stage.
“I daresay that’s the most fun I’ve had playing that game in years,” said Benedict. “Even Anthony seemed livelier than usual.”
“I noticed that, too. Do you think it might have anything to do with one of the newer players?” Colin wondered, hinting at something in his voice. In spite of her poor performance at pall mall, Edwina finds herself smiling behind the book she’s holding, even though there is nobody around to see it.
“In spite of my losing, and as much as this pains me to say, I have to agree with the two of you,” admitted Eloise. “Benedict, that was the most fun we’ve all had playing a game of pall mall in years and that includes Anthony. Colin, I, too think that has something to do with one of our new players.”
Edwina felt her heart soar.
“We should invite Miss Sharma back for pall mall every year!”
Edwina felt her heart stop.
“Miss Kate Sharma?” Colin asked. Eloise made a noise of confirmation.
“Er, Eloise,” Benedict said hesitantly. “You do know that Anthony has voiced his interest in making Miss Edwina his bride, yes?”
“Yes, I know,” said Eloise dismissively. “But…look, I like Miss Edwina. I really do. She may enjoy the debutante life and the balls and the dancing and the parties more than I ever will, but I still like her. She’s kind, she’s sweet, and she’s intelligent. You should hear her discuss some of the books she’s read. But today during pall mall…not everyone is as sporty or as competitive as the Bridgertons and I do not and could never fault her for that; she’s just so concerned about being the perfect debutante all the time, I could see a little bit of her crumble away with every turn.”
Edwina gripped the book in her hands tightly. Of course she was worried about being the perfect debutante! She had been training for this moment for years. All of her hard work, all of her sister’s hard work had brought her here.
“She put on a brave face, but she was miserable the whole time,” Eloise continued.
“Not everyone can take to pall mall like a Bridgerton,” Benedict said diplomatically, which Edwina was thankful for.
“Except for Miss Sharma,” Colin interjected.
“Yes!” Eloise agreed. “I’ve never seen anything like it! It’s like she’s a Bridgerton in disguise!”
Edwina felt her jaw fall open. She had stopped herself before she gasped aloud. Now was not the time to reveal she had been eavesdropping. At the same time, she desperately didn’t want to hear anymore. She wished it was possible to run from this room without being seen.
“Eloise,” Benedict said warningly. “You can’t say things like that when Anthony has been courting Miss Edwina. Hell, she’s probably expecting a proposal any day now!”
“I know, ” Eloise groaned. “But have you seen Anthony and Edwina interact? They’ve never said anything of any substance to each other. They’re both so…artificial with each other.”
Edwina hated that she was trapped in this room while they spoke so openly about her and the viscount’s courtship. She wanted to go out there and defend herself, defend their brother, defend the love blossoming between them!
“You think they’re lying to each other?” Colin asked, confused.
“No. I think they’re both playing the roles that are expected of them: Anthony as the viscount and this season’s most eligible bachelor and Miss Edwina as the season’s diamond who is expected to make an advantageous match. So of course they’re only saying things that would make the other find them agreeable enough for a marriage.”
Edwina frowned. Is that what she had been doing?
“I mean, have you seen Anthony when he’s speaking to Miss Edwina? That is not our brother. He’s so…amiable.”
There is a noise that sounds suspiciously like a snort of laughter from Colin, followed by a dull thud, and a loud “ouch!”
“I think Anthony could make her happy,” said Benedict. He was obviously the diplomat between the three of them. But was it just Edwina’s paranoia getting to her, or did Benedict sound like he wasn’t completely sold on what he was saying? “Don’t you?”
“I think he can keep her content, ” said Eloise, “not happy. She’ll have fine clothes, jewels, a large house, and eventually a gaggle of children, but that will only make her content instead of happy. Anthony wouldn’t be happy, either. You know those moods he gets into? Where he just goes quiet and moody and he’s got that empty, dead look in his eyes? If he marries Miss Edwina, then every day is going to be like that.”
This time, when Benedict spoke up in her defense, Edwina could hear the doubt in his words. “I think she would make a fine viscountess.”
“Oh, yes, she would,” Eloise readily agrees, surprising Edwina. “Don’t look so surprised!” For a moment, Edwina is horrified that Eloise had seen her but her fears came to nothing when Eloise continued speaking to her brothers.
“I told you before that I like and admire Miss Edwina very much. I would not be averse to a friendship with her. Miss Edwina would make a great viscountess. She would make a great countess, or marchioness, or duchess, or even a princess. But Viscountess Bridgerton? I’m worried we’ll eat her alive! Not on purpose, mind you. But it would happen eventually. You can see in her eyes that Miss Edwina wants a love story. Can you honestly tell me that you think Anthony is in love with her? Or that she is in love with him? Anthony is getting married because he feels it is his duty. He wants the best for his family, so of course, he seeks out the diamond to be his bride. Miss Edwina knows that the diamond is expected to make an advantageous match and who could be more advantageous than the season’s most eligible bachelor? There’s would be a strategic match-not a love match. And it will break that poor girl’s heart every day .”
Edwina stares at the floor beneath her, desperately wishing for it to open up so that she may fall away into nothingness. She wishes she had just left the library when she had the chance. She wishes she was as brave as her sister and could confront these three Bridgertons for what they were saying.
Footsteps continue down the corridor, but Edwina stays where she is. She’s sure it was just one set of footsteps, meaning there are two Bridgertons still out there. This suspicion is confirmed when she hears one of them speak.
“You know,” said Colin, “she has a point about those two. I like Miss Edwina and I would be proud to call her my sister. If Anthony announced they were getting married tomorrow, I would do everything in my power to make her feel welcome in our family; to make her feel like a Bridgerton in both name and spirit. But, whenever I have wondered who the next Viscountess Bridgerton might be, I’d always imagined her to be someone more like Anthony.”
Edwina heard Benedict let out a long and weary sigh. “I did, too,” he admitted.
“You do know who fits that description perfectly?” Colin whispered to his brother.
“Yes, I do,” Benedict replied shortly. “But we can’t entertain that idea. Anthony has gone too far in his courtship with Miss Edwina. He’s more or less made his own marriage bed. Now he’ll have to lie in it.”
“They’re not betrothed, ” Colin reminds his brother. “Not yet. It’s not so scandalous to break off a courtship.”
“No, but breaking off a courtship with one lady just to turn around and court that same lady’s older sister would be a scandal,” hissed Benedict. “Imagine what Whistledown would say if we were to announce an engagement between Anthony and Miss Sharma instead of Anthony and Miss Edwina.”
Edwina nearly dropped the book she was holding out of shock. Kate. They were talking about Kate. They thought Kate and the viscount were better suited for one another. Edwina tried to keep her breathing quiet, even as she felt it become more frantic.
“We will speak no more about this,” Benedict said sternly. “Come along, brother.” And finally, blessedly, the two Bridgertons retreated down the corridor. Edwina looked down again at the book in her hands. She had no appetite for reading now, but she forced herself to stay in that little corner between the wall and the door. She forced herself to breathe in and out while she counted slowly to one hundred.
Finally, Edwina put the book down on a nearby table and left the library. She schooled her features into one of serene grace. She was a diamond. She was the season’s incomparable. She could not let them see how a few words had clouded her mind and made her question her own judgment. She couldn’t let them see how her mind was racing and recalling every interaction she had ever had with the viscount, every dance they had shared, and every word they had exchanged.
Had she only been playing a role? Had she only been acting as she thought a diamond should act instead of being true to herself? She knew, deep down, that the viscount was partly motivated by a sense of duty to find a wife, marry, and produce heirs. But Edwina was a romantic at heart and she hoped that he had come to have some romantic feelings for her. And if what his siblings said was true, he would never grow to love her.
Edwina was nearly back to her room when her mother intercepted her.
“There you are, Edwina!” she said. “The viscount invited you to have tea with him in the drawing room-chaperoned, of course. I think-” she broke off, looking at her daughter’s face. “Edwina, are you alright, darling?”
Edwina shook her head. “I’m fine, mama,” she lied. “But I’m afraid I have a small headache and I was hoping to lie down before dinner. Could you give my apologies to Lord Bridgerton? And could you ask someone to bring me up a cup of tea?”
Mary said “Of course,” before she kissed Edwina’s forehead briefly and headed back down the stairs. Edwina shut herself in her room, slipped out of her dress, and donned her dressing gown while waiting for her tea. She would drink it before crawling under the covers and closing her eyes. Perhaps her thoughts would stop racing after a short nap. Maybe then, she could look at her courtship with the viscount with a clear mind and in a new light.